Book Jacket

 

rank 5470
word count 44330
date submitted 25.12.2009
date updated 26.03.2010
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Chick Li...
classification: universal
incomplete

I Want to Live Here

Alidir Griswaco

I wasn’t responsible for Abigail Snowe’s subdural hematoma, but if I’d been at my desk when she called, she might have survived.

 

The recent death of a well-known actress, especially its cause, reminded now middle-aged Nora Cahill yet again of a death she'd been involved with some thirty years ago. Nora wasn’t responsible for Abigail Snowe’s subdural hematoma but if she'd been at her post when Abigail had tried to call for help; if she'd even remembered to check in with the answering service where the dead woman had left half a dozen messages, Nora might have saved a life.

Written in first-person as a memoir of an episode that occurred in mid-1970s Atlanta, a city enjoying its first bout of national popularity since the opening of Gone With the Wind (in 1939!). Governor Jimmy Carter was loading the Peanut Train for Washington, D.C. and a brash young entrepreneur named Ted Turner crooned, "I was cable before cable was cool."

Among the thousands of young men and women to leave the rusting Northeast for Georgia, Nora Cahill, a 25-year-old college graduate with few marketable skills, found herself a job as assistant manager at Arborgate Apartments close enough to Christmas to call it a gift..

 
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tags

1970s, amateur detective, atlanta, first-person, mystery

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26 comments

 

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Famlavan wrote 800 days ago

Got lost in forth paragraph ‘but that I’ Good start though
You have a great eye for detail and there is a depth to your writing that is refreshing.
I find a lot of time in first person narrative because of the style a lot of auditory descriptions is not there; to me this is missing a trick in setting the scenes.

Good storyline, great characterisation - Good luck

Alidir wrote 801 days ago

oh, that's funny! a Princess phone was a model popular in the 1960s among young girls and teens. It's an narrow oval shape and came in pretty colors. The fact that Abigail would still be using one in the 1970s speaks to two things: her immaturity and the fact that those phones were well made. Once you had a phone and could move it (and would because they were also expensive), you would keep it. She might have bought herself a slimline, which was the next trendy style. I still have one of those!

Alidir, your first chapter is a smooth read. Only nit is my ignorance. Maybe you need to explain what a Princess-style phone is.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

lizjrnm wrote 802 days ago

Wow - this is so good - very well written with well drawn characters! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

lionel25 wrote 802 days ago

Alidir, your first chapter is a smooth read. Only nit is my ignorance. Maybe you need to explain what a Princess-style phone is.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

soutexmex wrote 810 days ago

I read CH 17 and this seems breezy for the genre. Solid dialogue. Short pitch works, the long pitch needs work. Throw it into the forum and see what people can do to help you out. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

lynn clayton wrote 811 days ago

I think you could add mystery to your genre list. But well-written books have a wide appeal (I hope), whatever their genre, and yours is that. Backed. lynn

gillyflower wrote 826 days ago

This is an exciting, interesting book. You begin by focusing on Nora's feelings of guilt because she didn't check for messages which might have saved Abigail's life, but by the end of Chapter One, and the discovery of the missing key, we're beginning to wonder if there's more to this. You have an excellent cast of characters, well drawn and individual. Nora herself is shown as a young girl, careless, a 'pothead' as she tells us, someone who hasn't fully developed into herself, according to her own later theory. Susan, Abigail's sister, is an emotional person, sharp at first, mellowing quickly. Boker, the policeman, is an attractive personality, sympathetic and calm. You draw all these people vividly and bring them to life. You write in a smooth, professional style, and your story flows along easily. A very readable book. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Jared wrote 826 days ago

I like the title and the pitches work well. I've read far more than I'd intended, always a sign that a book has the power to engage, indeed engross, a reader. This is classified as chick lit, but it's certainly an expansive version of the genre, very well written in a leisurely manner and I've enjoyed it very much. You use language beautifully - 'noticing my nascent taste for antiques' for example in chapter two made me nod in admiration. Incidentally, there's a formatting problem with the chapter heading for chapter 5.
Fine writing, well composed and technically excellent, this goes on my shelf.
Jared.
Mummy's Boy.

Alidir wrote 826 days ago

You have all the elements needed for a publishable novel and I haven't said that too often on this site before, I assure you.

You have effortless writing, stunning Dialogue and a believable plot line.

Extremely happy to back this.

Melxx
Impeding Justice



Wow! Thanks for the kind words.
Alidir

Melcom wrote 827 days ago

You have all the elements needed for a publishable novel and I haven't said that too often on this site before, I assure you.

You have effortless writing, stunning Dialogue and a believable plot line.

Extremely happy to back this.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

bonalibro wrote 829 days ago


Hi,

I backed your book several days ago, and would be happy to leave you a detailed comment if you would have a look at mine and give me your honest opinion of it.
Good luck.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Jesse Hargreave wrote 830 days ago

Backed January 23.

Jesse - Savant

tamaraB wrote 830 days ago

You have a good opening chapter. you catch the attention of the reader straightaway.

I like all about your story, the voice, the style, the dialogue.
Good luck
tamara

Helena wrote 830 days ago

Hi Alidar, really good plot and hook at the beginning. You write well and I love the short sharp humour, almost a bit of sarcasm (which I love) in the narrators tone. This is building to be a real thriller and it's on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Hi,
i like the plot of the story and the narration is good.
All the best.
Backed with wishes.
S. Vinay kumar

T.L Tyson wrote 854 days ago

I really enjoyed the free and flowing style this is written in. You have a great opening hook. Some amazing descriptions. Narrative paired with great dialogue. This feels alive. You have a knack with description. There may be a bit too much narrative/information up front, this might turn some readers off. I see it is listed as Lit Fiction, which really I find has a lot of narrative. I Wanted to know sooner who was speaking and what relationship they had with Abigail. Everything unfolds nicely, though a wee bit slower than I would have liked. This is of course personal preference and doesn't reflect on your writing in the least. I am just impatient. Clearly.
You have really started fleshing out the MC in the second chapter and in regards to the writing nothing much to nit pick. Well written.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Alidir wrote 865 days ago

Hi, Alidir. Excellent plot, Very good dialog, but the narrative rambles a bit in my opinion. I think you could pare it little, maybe spread out some of the backstory. No big deal, though. All in all, a pretty good piece of work. I think it needs a little more honing but it's definitely got potential. It deserves a boost. On my shelf and the best of luck with it.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 865 days ago

Mmmm... my kind of read, I LOVE THIS. Excellent writing, characterisation, dialogue.
Shelved
Frank

chrisalys wrote 865 days ago

I enjoyed this as it was unusual and reminded me a bit of a Sam Spade novel in its first person narrative. And maybe this is why i then thought, mistakenly, that the MC was a guy! I don't think the feminine comes across in the first chapter that well but it could be me. That aside, this is well written and very interesting and I am happy to put it on my shelf and read on..
Best of luck with it
Chris (inside Out)

John Harold McCoy wrote 866 days ago

Hi, Alidir. Excellent plot, Very good dialog, but the narrative rambles a bit in my opinion. I think you could pare it little, maybe spread out some of the backstory. No big deal, though. All in all, a pretty good piece of work. I think it needs a little more honing but it's definitely got potential. It deserves a boost. On my shelf and the best of luck with it.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Bob Steele wrote 873 days ago

I Want to Live Here has a chatty and relaxed style of narration that I enjoyed, and the first person point of view works well to place the reader close to your MC and her feelings. This engaged me in her perspective of events and kept me interested, and overall this is a fine book I'm happy to back.
On the editorial side, I echo previous comments about letting me know earlier whose head I'm in! Fleshing out the long pitch would help; I suggest this should tell us who the main character[s] are and outline the overall storyline and key events on the journey that you want the readers to embark on with your characters. Your chapters seem long, and it struck me that you invest a lot of effort and words in building up Abigail's background and description in the opening chapters. Considering she is already dead, I wonder if all that well-crafted detail is relevant, or whether it is just slowing the story down? Shorter chapters and paring down the backstory would add tension and pace. I'd also suggest rooting out the 'author intrusions' that come in here and there ['I was to find out shortly..'; 'we would see..'] These departures from the MC point of view are quite distracting and IMHO unnecessary - you don't need to tell the future, the reader will get there and be shown it soon enough! All readily sorted with a good edit to add polish. Good luck.

Clare Hill wrote 874 days ago

An interesting start, a nice, noir-ish voice and great dialogue. I would have liked to know who the MC was - I got halfway down the first chapter before I realised it was a woman. Maybe just introduce her in your pitch. Backed.

Andrew W. wrote 877 days ago

I Want To Live Here

Hi Alidir

This is great writing, inventive, fresh and interesting. You write succinctly and interestingly, you have a fantastici turn of phrase where you are able to sum up complex observations in very few words. There are too many to repeat here but one of my favourites from many examples was: Her apartment matched her lingerie, you then go onto to qualify this with another interesting phrase. These kind of things clearly trip off your tongue because there were so many good examples. You write with the reader in mind, tugging us into the story, supplying us with compulsion both in the form of plotting and character, there is also some great and well written dialogue, very happy indeed to place this on my shelf, well done and best wishes

Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Barbara Silkstone wrote 877 days ago

You grabbed my attention with that first paragraph. With lines like:
Her apartment matched her lingerie. Here was a woman who needed to define herself all in one gulp.

Your writing style is so cool. I want to gulp down the rest of your novel. Good luck!
Barbara Silkstone The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters

Alidir wrote 877 days ago

Thanks for the quick comment, Pia. I'll revise the pitch. That's a good suggestion.

Pia wrote 877 days ago

Dear Alidir,

Being the first to land here, welcome to authonomy,
Re: I want to Live Here
Interesting premise, and crisp writing with fine observations. The easy dialogues after Nora found Abigail's body pulled me into the story. I was intrigued by Nora's voice and found a clue in a later chapter ... feelings frightened me. They were like bullies or aggressive people who always get thier own way at my expense ...
Maybe put Nora's name in the pitch and say a little more, without repeating the short pitch in the longer one. Best success.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

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