Lycan Chronicals: Return of the Forgotten

even if they were one why would they they [comma needed - were one, why would they]
they would be rip to shreds [ripped to shreds]
tribes in unknown [ do you mean tribes is unknown?]
Chapter one gives a good introduction to Lycan society, and why they need to keep their existence secret from humans. I am sure if they did exist, the Government (not just in USA) would want experiments done etc.
Did you intend chapter one to be one long paragraph? It makes rather hard reading. It hasn't put me off though.

Chapter two [ the girl looked for her clothes, not cloths] Is there any pun intended, when the girl is described as a bitch? I think a Lycan male would like a bitch. NICE ONE ; >
As I her the front door slams behind [ as I hear the front door slam behind..]
I've ever in countered [ever encountered]

Niko-
I backed your book a week or two ago and came back to read more of it.

I think it will do well as a YA novel. Best of luck.

Mandi Oyster
Dacia Wolf & the Prophecy

hi niko, i've just read part of your book. I'm backing with pleasure. It was written nicely but it could use some editing, I too agree with separating the story into paragraphs for an easy read. But all and all I really enjoyed the story. It should go well with YA.

Thanks jade

Niko, I have backed your book. I backed it because you are putting your stuff out there and telling us all a story that lives in your heart and mind.

A story begins raw - if you like, it is an outline (say, of a country). The real tough job is to take that outline and fill it with depth and texture and layers that create a world for the reader - this must happen on several levels.

You have a great starting point here and I would recommend that you note all your critiques (put them in a file maybe) and aim to do an edit (possibly in February) that will polish your text.

Keep up the hard work; a book rarely writes itself!

Come on, Niko, give your writing a chance - break it up into paragraphs like a real book.

Also, the first chapter is all your narrator telling us things. Think of your book as a film; would you like a film where the first ten minutes consisted of the hero facing the camera and telling you about himself and his world? No, you'd rather see him in action and draw your own conclusions from watching what he does and how he relates to others.

You have the ideas, but you need the craft skills too. Books aren't written, they're re-written.

Agree with the paragraphs needing sorting - other than that you have an interesting monster story

backed

kev

This needs to be separated out into paragraphs. It's nearly impossible to read.