Thoughts of a Teenage Girl

What a wonderful book! Your writing is beautiful, poignant, tender, honest, insightful. Eliza is the kind of girl who is pointed in the right direction. She's going to be okay. She's not going to make choices that hurt her or create scenarios for herself that set her back years and years. She is delightful and believable.

She may sound too mature for thirteen, but our kids are home / cyber schooled, and they are mature, as are their twenty or so close friends who also are home / cyber schooled. There is something about taking a kid out of the regimented adult vs. kid environment, and allowing kids to interact with one another and with adults equally and with mutual respect that brings out a maturity and sensibility in children. Eliza possesses this very believable sensibility. It is more than a pleasure to get to know her and follow her thoughts as she struggles to make sense of the loss of her beloved friend and tree. She must deal with her feelings about her grandfather's death, and her anger and betrayal with her father for cutting the tree down, her resentment at being told that her passion for climbing trees must be put aside now because she is to assume the roll of a "lady." Eliza is too sharp and too clear on who she is to allow anyone to tell her she is or ever has to be someone she is not.

I would recommend this book to anyone of any age. It is refreshing, poignant, and honest. It is one of the most well-written books I've read on Authonomy, and I've read quite a few. I wish you much success with this masterpiece of character development. Eliza might as well be real, she is certainly real to me!

I just scrolled down through some of the comments left by others, and had to add something here. Someone said the writing was good, but they wanted to see some "moving-along-toward-a-plot." I'm sorry that person feels that way. I got a lot more out of this story by having it be exactly what it is - a piece of writing that tells us who Eliza is. And she is someone worth knowing. We don't need for her to fall in a pool, get rescued by police and fall in love with the boy who thought to call the police after she sunk to the bottom of the pool.... This book stands head and shoulders above most of the material I've read here - and I've read some very good material! But this description of Eliza does not need any gimmicks or a "plot" to make this book more accessible. You have a great story here, and I wish you all the best with it.

Backed with much pleasure.
Judy Adams
The Existence Game

Oh, this is just lovely! You get such a strong sense of who Eliza is, and who she's struggling to become, right off the bat. You've done a wonderful job creating the world around Eliza, she is very real and accessible to the readers. This is one of the most intimate stories I've read on this website and I think you're most definitely capture the YA market! Well done!! Backed.

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

Hello Ellen,
Well this really is a captivating snapshot into Eliza`s private world. Beautiful and poignant and so very real.
A tumble of roving thoughts, expertly penned that creates a strong and bright young character who is so delightful that your readers will simply want to sample more and more of her .
Backing for the excellence of your writing and an enchanting snapshot into the mind of a teenage girl [How well I remember it!]
Very best wishes
Dawn ; ARK

I began reading you on chapter 13.

At first I read you out of obligation - okay come on, let’s be honest. How many novels on this site would you honestly want to read? And YA market. No.

But I started reading you and I love how you describe the fruition of a young woman. I loved it. I love how you compare and contrast. And I thought - I would want my daughter to read this book. I don’t know the rest of your novel and frankly I don’t have the time to read it. But, if it’s anything like chapter 13 & 14 - good for you.

Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

Cool book cover. I don't have time to read right now but an instantly drawn to it so will be back to read soon!

This is wonderful stuff. Made me smile and laugh. I love the tone of your character's voice. It's so real. I've only managed to read chapter one so far but I will return as and when I can to read and comment on the rest.

Jokes are rarely appearing in this work. These jokes have a particular scintillating power. You proved yourself that you are able to deploy jokes whenever it needed.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Seagulls
The Wildfire

What a lovely story. The relationship that she has with the tree(If you understand my meaning) Is lovey. This tree is a pivitol part of her life it represents saftey and and an unchanging past. I like the representation you give to it and the sence of loss when its gone. It almost overwhelms the loss of her grandfather. I think this book is beautifully written you expose us to so many real senses.

Very good

Sue
Knowing Liam Riley

This is so insightful. Your writer’s voice is almost mesmerising. Reading it brings back long forgotten memories of small things that were important to me. Like the shallows in a river to paddle in, now dredged and too deep to go near. Losing grandpa and wondering what his last thoughts were. You create an incredible imagery. Eliza is a real sold character who questions and lives in the time when questioning was paramount. Pais is her soul mate but a total opposite brought up on stories of war and peace and John Lennon. You have a great talent, its hard to keep up the momentum when writing in the first person but you achieve

Amelia
A Date in The Diary

Good read! One of the better reads I've had since my return.

Lockjaw

I have been making it my mission to read a chapter of this each time Iog on. I love it, I love your introspective writing style, and I love the symbolism. Backed.

The simple innocence that you put to the page is so refreshing. The story through the eyes of a 13 year old is of love and logic and home. You have made a wonderful job of this its so beautifully written and I could happily read the whole thing.

Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you can spare a moment to take a look.

A refreshing, authentic voice. Well done.

Dear Ellen
this is one of those book covers one does not easily forget for sure
and I did not forget it. Your long pitch was also one of those best ones on site
congrats. however I have said allt his and more before.I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now finished.
I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Well done with this. Backed Katherine
Strata

I really like this. It's fresh and different and I love her voice. It's rare to come across a fresh fictional voice like this. It brings out that side of young girls that is philosophical and thoughful, where so many books are about them breaking out and acting up. I'm leaving a comment after chapter one, as I'm off to bed, but I'm putting you on my shelf with pleasure, will read more, and may well comment further.

The narrator's voice is loud and clear: Mac/ Eliza is definitely an earnest, deep thinking 13 year old who is trying to discover her place in the world and take the first steps from childhood to adulthood. They are never easy steps,and you deal with Eliza's thoughts convincingly. She seems like a child sometimes and yet she has times when she sees life as clearly as the wisest adult: in other words, she's a typical teenager!
She's surrounded by her protective big brothers and her old fashioned dad and "one lip-stick mother."
Also Eliza has her wonderful tree (and you did make it sound wonderful, especially the way she climbed it for the first time and sat on the branch, hugging it) her beloved Grandpa and her best friend, Paisley ,with her good looking big brother, John F. They all feel very real characters and your description of Eliza's crush on John F. is well done. Even the adult reader could sympathise with her feelings and daydreams about him.
Elisa has to face three main losses in the chapters I read (up to chapter 10): her beautiful maple tree; her grandpa and also her childhood. She's pretty tough and her "No tree is too tall" is a good philosophy, but she's also sensitive and deep thinking. She feels the loss and needs to sort it out in her own mind.
I was engrossed in Elisa's story and found her an attractive and honest MC. I'm sure young girls will relate to her and identify with her problems and doubts. I'm also sure they'll feel inspired by her "have a go " spirit, her concern for others and her wish to live a life that is right for her.
I found the writing well polished and with no nitpicks that I noticed. The pace was ideal and I think there is a big market out there for sensitive books for teenagers, with well developed characters and a positive message. I am backing this.

This is an endearing YA story. Eliza is a very likable character, one you would want to befriend. It does teeter on the YA to adult genre in my opinion as it is very mature in thought.

This was happily backed
Denise

Would you mind having a look at "Road to Redemption: From Cop's Daughter to Convicted Felon"?

It isn’t as easy as people believe writing in the first person, many fail when they try to insert the thoughts of other characters when in reality they can only be your thoughts of that character. I think you have this understanding and so have made your work very personal and intriguing
Keith

A very good pitch which made me want to read on.
The book cover caught my eye.
Best of luck.
Dawn,
My Friends and Me

From the outset it is obvious that this is going to be a profound read, and it captures perfectly the voice of this mature, rather earnest, but clearly intelligent 13 year old. I would be slightly reluctant to class this as children's: the vocab is probably not quite right for that market, but certainly it would appeal to teens. I really like the bit about the naming; Maclyn - or rather, Eliza - is a thinker, and you make me want to know why it is she finds this tree climbing/lying business so fascinating and indeed necessary. Very happy to back. All the best with it. ZP

Ellen, I agree with all the comments left on your book. It is a refreshing read, easy to read, and yes poignant. Your writing shows immense strength, and I am always scanning to find fresh new voices on this site. I have backed it with pleasure.
Sincerely
Helen

What a perfect 'voice' ... always she comes across as a girl one would want to spend time with, talk to, go for walks with, climb a tree together and talk about life, the universe and everything. If about 95% of girls were like this instead of about 5% (?) then the world would be a better place.
RT

I like the writing - fresh and genuine - and the voice is stong and consistent. Backed with pleasure.
alison
tom's daughters

Hi Ellen

If I have given you my backing I have read the pitch, loved it and then at least two chapters of your very fine work.

Then, if you do not help me with my Psychiatric Evaluation it will be partly your fault that I am stressed out and can no longer spend time on this site.

Lots of writers may than suffer breakdowns because of this!!!
RB

A lovely start I was captivated by your very precise 13 year old observations and who could fail to remember their favourite tree! mine was a monkey nut ( chestnut) which had a fantastic vantage point. Anyway a pleasure to back your wonderful writing.

Best Wishes

Richard

Loved it, it's fun, a perfect summer read, good luck with itl E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

This is beautifully written, an enchanting story. I spent my early teens sitting in my favourite tree, discussing boys and putting the world to rights with my best friend, so I found this especially poignant. Just wonderful.

Karen
The Kid: A True Story of Cocaine, Corruption, Deceit and Betrayal

I can't say that I'm an expert on 13 year old girls, but this feels very authentic, with the appropriately sly authorly spin of allegory and wry wit. I seem to have seen quite a few writers describing how wonderful it is to be up a tree as a child, and I certainly enjoyed it myself. It is a great metaphor for observing the world from a safe perspective, before we necessarily have to commit ourselves and be responsible for our own (and others') survival and thriving. Actually, I quite like the name Maclyn.

First, I wanted to say that I love your cover. It's perfect for you book.

This is a very easy and good clean read. There should be more books like it. Your writing is brilliant and capturing. This book has charm and Eliza is one of those characters that you will always remember. A captivating read that I am more than happy to back.

Kristin
Demon in the Knight

Hello Ellen - what a charming and engaging book, I really got quite lost in it. Love the connections with nature running through, a big part of what motivates me in writing and how I live. Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner but don't really do the internet, rely on my husband who is an American writer (we live in Devon in the UK) to do most of that for me. I will certainly back this.

Frances Jean Bruce

Even though I am a guy, I found this story really really great! Your Eliza character is very strong, and relatable. Young girls will love this book :) GOOD LUCK

I like your writing style! The story unfolds masterfully (mistressfully)- it's fun and moves.
Backed with certainty. Can you think of a contest better named "the most beautiful climbing tree?
A zoomer
Going Out in Style

Wonderful intelligent character created here. I like her rebellious nature and love of trees. I can see her philosphy of life in the last line of the pitch. Excellent job! -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Hi Ellen, I have just read your first two chapters. I think the idea of this book is solid. And your ‘voice’ is perfect for it. However, I think you suffer from the same disease that I do….overwriting. Remember, less is more, in fiction. You can also pick up pace by trading some of your narrative for dialogue, increasing the emotion, which is what will glue your reader to your MC’s elbow, rooting for her all the way. I have made some comments, per chapter, but please note that I am no expert. Many authors have told me I’m pretty good at this. Lets see what you think…
CHAPTER ONE: I think I would delete the ‘(ish)’ for immediacy. I like ‘My first best friend’ because it is short, simple and adds story tension. I would change ‘the Mill’s’ to ‘our’, again, for immediacy. I would delete ‘motherly’ for tension. I would delete the parenthesis again in (you know, boo…)’, and just say ‘boobs’. I encourage you to avoid parenthesis throughout as they seem to cause a hitch in the otherwise good pace of most of your sentences. I don’t know why the names are italicized. Perhaps putting them in single quotes might be better? And then maybe change ‘a bit of moving up’ to ‘a bit of panache’ and, of course, delete the next phrase within the parenthesis. At the first mention of ‘Eric’, please give your reader just a word or two of explanation as to who he is. And, again, why is the dialogue regarding the naming story in italics? That dialogue is good and I think it should be shown as regular dialogue…except, perhaps, your own thoughts. I think it would carry more story tension this way. The two paragraphs that begin with ‘As far as I can tell…’ (First, I would start by deleting those words) are a bit confusing and I would encourage you to re-work them. You speak of trusting your instincts (yes!) but then you say that ‘your instincts will lie’. I would stick with the idea of trusting them, eliminating any negative connotations with the word ‘instincts’. Instincts never lie, it is learning to trust them that is the hard part. The last 3 paragraphs of this chapter are VERY good. But is Joe Basketball the best looking guy? If so, combine these sentences into something like this…’So what if Joe Basketball, the best looking guy on the block, likes sports more than he likes girls.’
CHAPTER TWO: I would delete ‘chosen’ because the tree didn’t choose the location, or are you trying to imply that it did. If so, elaborate with one more sentence regarding same, maybe saying what a smart tree it was to choose that particular house, perhaps knowing that Mac would be showing up there. I would delete ‘can’t be passed on by parents’ as I’m sure many of your readers would disagree. My own mother is the one who showed me the joy of climbing trees. Besides I think the sentence is stronger once that reference is deleted. I loved your description of that first climb. Precious and it brings to mind, immediately, that feeling of power and strength that we all felt as children, upon climbing our first big tree. One suggestion tho, how about adding something like…’A few scrapes and scratches were a tiny price to pay…bla, bla, bla’ which kinda is a lesson in life. To keep moving forward, toward your ultimate goal, even when you hit a bump or two along the way. I would also suggest that you develop a scene with dialogue between her and Kenny to pick up pace. I would delete ‘behind’ in ‘Kenny’s behind support’ for tension. Okay, I’m having a little trouble with tense switches, which are tricky (I know from experience..HA!). I think it might be better to avoid the opening/closing eyes …I’m pretty sure your smart reader will be able to tell that she is lost in memories at the one point and will also be able to tell when you are back in the ‘now’ when she speaks of ‘now’ things. In the sentence that begins ‘Lying face down…’, I would delete ‘gasped and gasped and’ for much more tension. Also, I don’t quite understand why she would think her dad would come when, after all, she is at ‘some unknown round the corner neighbor’s lawn.’ (I like that line, BTW!) I would delete ‘first’ from ‘my first best friend’ for more tension. After all, as a twelve yr. old girl, that would be how she looked at it. ‘I have another best friend’ One girl cannot have two ‘best’ friends so perhaps you should refer to Paisley as a ‘special’ friend or something similar?
Okay, that’s it. Except to caution you as to your many uses of ‘-ly’ words such as ‘solidly’, ‘surely’, ‘lovingly’, ‘motherly’, and lots more. In almost every case (one exception would be dialogue), a sentence becomes stronger, carrying much more tension, when these pesky adverbs are deleted. Just try it and I think you will see what I mean. Also, I would take a hard look at these first two chapters and see if there is a way to combine them without making the chapter too long. It seems to me, with your writing talent, you can tell your readers about the importance of the maple in one chapter. Read over these chapters and delete anything that isn’t essential to that thought. For example, the ‘silly naming’ reference and dialogue. Although well written, is all of it really necessary in propelling your story forward? Wouldn’t just one or two sentences suffice? Anyways, I hope you can decipher my comments and I hope that some of them help. Although I am not backing this now, I really do think, with a bit of honest editing, it has all the makings of a precious story that will include lots of life’s lessons, something a publisher would love to pick up. I would be happy to take a second peek after a bit of editing. Good Luck!!

Ellen,

Thoughts of a Teenage Girl is, quite simply, beautiful. The voice is lively and articulate, but believably young and idiosyncratic. She's dealing with difficult but common issues. The loss of her tree is a concrete symbol for the other losses she has had or will have. I was a tree-climber, too, so I like that a lot. Now, as an adult, I have a volunteer big-leaf maple right outside my writing-room window!

I loved the line: "How's a girl like me to grow roots when the soil is so crumbly?"

I wonder how necessary the dates are. Perhaps later in the story, current events come into the story? Will current teens be interested in a story set in 1978? Maybe they will be. Those of us who were young then certainly will be!

I have a single tiny proofreading note:

Chapter 2 (your 1)
one teenage girls' mind should be girl's mind.

Nice work!

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

Well written, easy to read and an engaging main character. Has a very good flow to it, enjoyable. Backed.

Like being back on Walton's mountain. Lovely and evocative tale of coming of age. Well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Hi Ellen. Your novel sounds very interesting to the young adult/chick lit audience. The adventures and drama of a teenage girl with all of her angst sounds like something a junior high girl would read. The pitch is well written. Your pitch seems to have two sections to it: the girl's relationship with her tree, and the girls relationship with the people around her. Is there a connection between the two, or are these two distinct parts of her life? What does her rule "No Tree is Too Tall" mean? Does the story of the tree end at 13? These are just some of the questions your pitch poses. Anyway, I see that you have completed it, so good luck with the search for an agent!

You have created a beautiful character in Eliza - I especially like the thought processes as she changes and grows. The use of short paragraphs coupled with your smooth writting style makes this novel flow. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I love this book! The writing is just enough thirteen year-oldish to sound real, but not so thirteen-ish as to be unreadable. That's a fine line to walk, and you've done it. You have also let the character vacillate between childhood and teenager. Another fine line and I think you've hit it spot on.

Julie Farkas
Morning Call

I could not stop reading.The story flows so effortlessly from chapter to chapter.
the characters are superbly drawn totally credible.
The parents, kind, unobtrusive are dwarfed by the tree, her best friend, her wonderfully kind brother and her beautifully simple introspection.
While I was neither a girl nor a treelover, you have enraptured me with the sheer beauty of your writing.
I hate to leave the book but I too must read others.
You are absolutely, utterly and completely guaranteed to be backed on my shelf tomorrow.
What a lovely mind you must have - ( No. I do not take alcohol or drugs. You are just first class.)
Thanks and thanks again
Micheal O'Durcain
Murder on the Menu

Hi Ellen, I'm a California native and a fellow lover of trees! Eliza, as a character, is a breath of fresh air. Her voice, sweet and confident, lends a lovely angle to this unique and engaging tale. Shelved and thank you for the enjoyable read. JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

I guess living in California makes you write a novel as if it is movie script.
You have not fleshed your characters out. Why use Italics for what is dialogue? Think of the the reader. I know that the mind of a thirteen year old jumps from subject to subject. They should be a pause then a change of world before the next stanza begins. The movie director does it with a long pull or a close up. No dialogue or narrative needed. Your reader does not have pictures and is relying totally on your skill as a wordsmith to paint the picture.
Good luck with what is a great story needing a polish in the writing department.

What an enjoyable and positive read! As an older adult who remembers climbing trees for the pleasure of sitting on a branch in order to read, I loved this.

From one who used to climb trees daily as a kid (in my case, a pair of mighty elms over 100’ tall just in front of our house), I found your tale enchanting and real. I don’t think I’ve talked about this ever since that time. Not exactly a party piece, is it? But I often wondered if there were others.

There is something deeply connective about the moment. For a start, there’s an exhilarating sense of achievement. And then the view, and the contemplation that goes with it. Me, I used to sit rather than lie. In that elbow between branch and trunk. And I’d sit for hours. No-one could get to me there.

I thought I was weird. And then you came along. Or rather Eliza did. Fabulous voice you’ve given her. Bang on for a mildly eccentric 13 year-old. And the choice of 1st person is spot-on, very intimate. She could be describing zits or smelly socks and I’d be there – she’s that endearing.

After 3 ch’s I’m not entirely sure where this is heading. But it doesn’t matter. It’s just so readable. If it were in print, I’d probably finish it in one sitting. Backed.

Anyone who claims The Heart is a Lonely Hunter as a favorite is a writer for me (yikes, need to add that to my list, I think!). Luckily, reading this was a very enjoyable task. I don't know exactly what 13-year-olds are reading, although I have read a Sarah Dessen novel (quite mature IMO) for my book club and I know that my 13-year-old niece reads the Twilight stuff. I love that your character is a girl, not a young woman. I love that she has thoughts deeper than how to be cool or get a date (not that these don't cross her mind...). Your writing is engaging and thoughtful and you set this gently in the 60s and 70s, with political references, blue shag carpet (!), the hippie parents of Paisley. Love that character Paisley ("your mom doesn't know what she's talking about"). Every girl needs a friend like her. I agree with what others have said...I would want my almost-8-year-old daughter to read something like this. Love it.

I really love the slow building of character in this. The narration has an authentic voice. GREAT job!

I really love the slow building of character in this. The narration has an authentic voice. GREAT job!

Your book is very clever and I enjoyed reading it. Eliza is a great character. I worked in a school for many years and I've known a few young girls just like her. She's very real. I backed it with pleasure.

Jenny

Love this - it is fresh and beautifully written. I love trees too so could not resist! The pace, just right - her voice is light and rings true, there is optimism in here - a rare and magical thing.

Backed with pleasure.
Jacqui
Once Upon a Blue Moon.

I hope my ten year old, going on 18 in her mind, does as well as Eliza. Your writing sings with wonderful thoughts. Excellent dialogue, voice and tone, all true to Eliza's age. Backed.

Dear Ellen,

Many thanks for your compliments on "The Doctor of Summitville" and for backing it. Since your own writing is almost flawless, your words are all the more gratifying.

You might wonder why this old editor would read a novel about a teen-age girl. You'll note, though, that my heroine, Annette, is just short of 16 when she meets Dr. Martin, age 27. Their relative ages are critical to developing an acceptable doctor image, one that casts him in a positive light. I hope I succeeded in showing his interest to be protective--fatherly or brotherly--before turning into love, since doctors in the American reader's mind must be either noble or evil. And the story is told in part from Annette's point of view, so I'm concerned, let's say artistically, with how a teen-age girl thinks.

Your writing, I said, is almost flawless. I looked up a word for you in "Webster's Unabridged"--the noun for one who lies down. I quote: "lier n. One who lies down; one who rests or remains, as in concealment." The next time you edit, change Eliza to a "female tree-lier."

I'm sorry about the nit-picking. I'm compulsive. But you can take heart in my observation that few writers I've encountered know the basics as you do. Your book is a joy to read, and after backing it, I intend to read on.

Thanks again, and best wishes, Bill

I've read the first two chapters and, even though I'm not usually a YA fiction reader, I'm completely hooked. You've created a narrator who draws the reader in from the first sentence and whose insights on a thirteen year old girl's philosophy on life and death ring true and poignant. I really like your use of the maple in the garden as a a metaphor for so much about this young girl's life. Her dry humour is also a delight. Backed with real pleasure.
Jackie Ley (GIFT OF SPARROWS)