A Rising Moon: The Promise

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Abby. I also like your use of the first person narrative voice as this allows you to fully convey her thoughts and feelings. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing ensures that your work will appeal to the YA audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

"I love you Mom." Comma after 'you.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases of this type of problem. Other than that, you've given us an emotionally charged paranormal romance with edgy characters and vivid settings. Smooth dialogue. Confident narrative. Magical use of language. Razor sharp writing. Backed.

You nailed this! It's perfect for the YA audience, intriguing, and has a great voice. It was an easy read and the pace was great. strong dialogue and believable characters. Abby is a great POV character (love the name too, by the way).
Backed.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Your pitch is great! It's intriguing. I mean it gives you a slight indication of what may happen without revealing too much. Definitely putting this on my watchlist and thanks for your support with Forbidden Blood, it's much appreciated.

Cheers,
D.J Berquist
http://dianajanesworld.webs.com

Who wouldn't want to read more?! Backing!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly

I am backing your book because the premise sounds very mysterious and I like mystries.
Getty

DESTA AND KING SOLOMON'S COIN OF MAGIC AND FORTUNE

Ain't families a bitch? I haven't read the first one but felt i didn't need to as your pitch and story fill in the background without being an infodump and it unfolds at anice pace for everyone. There is an air of twilight and vampire Diaries but that is only to be expected in the current climate but this story is different. What i like about it is it may be supernatural but delas with matters of the heart and family drama, essential to grip the reader as it makes them care about the characters.

AJ,

Good job. I like the premise and the characterization is excellent. You set the scene well!
Abby is early showing signs of uneasiness, I think that is shows good insight. Kyle with is
coming across as somewhat fake. I am compelled to read beyond and I will as time permits,but
I think it is a great start on a great story.
Good Luck!
Backing!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

This flows easilly and is well pitched for the YA market. You've probably got a winner as it will be lapped up by those who fall for the first book in the series.

You may want to do a bit of an edit: in the first chapter alone there are some punctuation issues; it should read "passed" not "past" and "concerned look on her face" not "concern".

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

You have an easy flow to your words that will keep a reader reading, but I also wonder if the death could be emphasized. Also, the end of the chapter should draw us to the next.

"concern" should be "concerned" in the third para.

I liked this story. Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

A rising moom??? A risng book. This is raather brilliant. I loved it.

BACKED.

Hope you get the chance to peek inside The Russian Hat.

Warm wishes

Brendan

Hi AJ
I enjoyed the beginning of this, but found the mention of the death and the murder a little too understated and matter of fact (unless this is the point?) but otherwise you set the scene well with a little description, but not too much so as to get the story flowing nicely. I think the language and style is perfect for young adults.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Amyyyyyy!!!:)
hows everything!!!!???
I decided to take a look at your book because I looked at it likeee ages ago!! and WOOWWWWW!!!!!! (im young so i read all about vampires, werewolves and all that stuff) and this is soooo cool!!! this is perfect for YA market!!!! this is really goood, seriously!! when i get more time and going to keep readingg itt!!!=DDDD
Im your number one fan noww!!!!!=DDD
love it!

I'm always leery of reading sequels without much knowledge of the prequel, but this stands alone pretty well. Your first chapter is engaging from the start, perfectly targeted at the teen audience, but approachable to most ages. It's a refreshing change in the werewolf/vampire genre, and with a quick edit for missing commas around direct address "Abby[,] are you ready to go?" this would shine all the brighter.

Good work!
Abi xxx

Hi Amy,
I've only read the first chapter purely because lack of time. Although I would love to keep reading it! Your first chapter sucked me in and that's what every first chapter need. I have it on my watch list, you have my promise I will back it as soon as I have finished reading it.
Good Luck with this.
Jade - Breaking Through x

Your target audience will like this as much as I did, good luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Ideal for your target audience, my teens would have loved it. Good luck. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Your dialogue is natural and the story line intriguing. Great attention getting beginning! Good work. Backed

Hi Amy,

As Sheila says, there are a few typos - particular example "stands" instead of "stance" in the first chapter - that will leap out of you if you read it ot or have someone read it to you. Minor flaws in what wl become a lovely piece, though.

My other point is how you frame the timing / follow up from the Uncle's death. The way in which this information is presneted means that what I was reading felt like a sequel. Something to consider?

Jo

Adore your cover and the story sounds very interesting - backed!.

I love first person narration, and it works well here. I would imagine you'd have a large target audience with this story. Backed with pleasure, and good luck!

Amy
Love Match

Hi A. J., Ths story moves smoothly and almost like a normal young couple going to college. Yet the violent history and the werewolf secret certainly become lurking possibilities. Also, it’s as if Abby is putting these things from her mind and entering college to escape that identity. It seems symbolic and bodes of possible discovery and confrontation. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

AJ, you have a very good voice here. it really pulled me along and that is what i look for mainly. also the narrative seems construted though a bit forced at times. I only give detailed feedback to those who ask for it, but just in general i would suggest you mix up your sentence structure more to make a more natural sounding narrative, and use more pronouns to increase flow. i enjoyed the read and think you have a good story here that will do well. based on the pitch and the first tow chapters I will support you and wish you luck. PLease read some of my book, The Age of Rhinestone,and let me know what you think. feedback is welcome. take care and goodluck with your manuscript.

blueboy

This is great storytlling. Your opening chapters flow very nicely and a great use of first person. Your descriptions are vivid and your dialogue sharp. What's not to enjoy? Perfect for your target audience
Carl
The Time Hunters

This is great storytlling. Your opening chapters flow very nicely and a great use of first person. Your descriptions are vivid and your dialogue sharp. What's not to enjoy? Perfect for your target audience
Carl
The Time Hunters

A Rising Moon

I have to admit I would never have thought about the perspective of having problems in being a shifter – that was inspirational!
You have an odd style for the genre, however it works brilliantly, it’s different (as is your perspective) it adds a new dimension. You have great balance between narrative and dialogue and a unique storyline.

What an imaginative story. Good characters (describing the problems of a shifter is clever). Good settings. A good read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

A RISING MOON:

Amy,

I love your writing style, and you have exactly the right voice for this intriguing romantic mystery. You portray the relationship between Abby and Kyle really well, and you create tension in a quiet yet subtle way.

There are a few typos that you could easily fix by reading your work aloud, when they will jump out at you. This was the best editing tip I was given when I first started writing.

It's a most enjoyable read, and I wish you luck with it.

Backed.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

You mix tension and 'normality' really well at the start - Abbys visions and the switch to family life and dialogue as she prepares to leave. It continues with the sick feeling she experiences when danger is imminent and the calming sage green of her new bedroom.
Great hook at the end of chapter two
You have a descriptive style of writing and manage to create drama in a single sentence - "You were promised to me before you were even born"
I hope to read in full, but backed with pleasure.
Good luck
Hatts x

Thanks for your story, A.J. Hope you'll read mine, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not & my unedited version, Tell Me True Love Stories of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.
Please back my TWO books.Thanks, Susie :)

Backed with pleasure! Joss Morris (A Bore No More)

This is a wonderful read. The diolouge and charcters embraces the reader as keeps the pages turning. C W

I liked this, it flowed smoothly and the recap was perfect! As always I love your characters.

H Leigh Cornwell
(Blood Descent)

Like the beginning. A few mispellings and grammar errors mar what otherwise is highly engaging.

Lukas Oberhuber
Flicking.

I backed and commented on the other one you have posted. This one is the same caliber of writing. Rnjoyable read. Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Not normally my type of book but I started to read it and you hooked me. At present you are on my watchlist - if the book continues at its present rate you will be elevated to my bookshelf. Please give Blindfold a glance if you find the time = and advice gratfully received (if it is good)......

Love the beginning Amy, it draws the reader straight in now. One teensy thing - it's 'were all packed . . .' not 'where'.

Looking good though - :)

Berni x
Fledgling & Renegades

Hi Amy,

There are so many vampire school books out there, that it's a refreshing change to read a werewolf college story. I read all six chapters you have posted here and the pace is relentless! Good characters and a good plot too. Very well done. I noticed a lot of typos and grammatical errors, but nothing major and nothing that you can't easily put right when you do your edits. If you need an extra pair of eyes, give me a shout, I'll be happy to help.

Just a word of warning for your beginning - most US editors have a real thing about 'was' and you have several in your first paragraph. It's a habit of mine too and I find myself trying to say anything BUT 'was' sometimes! Obviously you have to have some, but maybe you should lose the one in your first sentence just in case? How about,
'I stared out of my bedroom window at the backyard, seeing how the warm August sunshine bathed everything in its glow. I felt two arms . . .'

This is a good read Amy . . . I wish you loads of luck with it too!

Berni x
Fledgling

Ok, now I gotta hurry up and catch up with my book club books. I have been wanting to read through your first book entirely, but haven't caught up yet. I need to hurry it up now that you have this one going. I'm so excited! I don't want to read it yet, so I don't spoil the first one fore me, but I already know - from what I have read of your last book - that it is going to be flippen awesome. So I might as well go ahead and back it, right? This will get me to read much faster. =P