Rolling Blackouts

Steven Eltz

Pitch....typo.....my life might be (a) less sordid.

Psych wards.....(use the proper term) your pitch would be the blurb on the back cover if this were a published tome (which is what we want)

I guess on paper it hasn’t been (that) hard for me. I’m reminded of (that) at times during the pissing contest.....Mmm....I don’t like throwing ‘that’ in over often...I guess on paper it hasn’t been hard for me. (how does that sound to you?)

We get a rush out of the fact (that) they will never know (that) they slept with two strangers.

We get a rush out of the fact they will never know they slept with two strangers.....Better ????

It (seemed) as I went along.....just say....As I went along....(seemed lends a passive voice, I liked this sentence better without it).

Great premise, and touches true life with humour and yet with a sharpened edge. I enjoyed my time with you.

Shelved of course. Hope I’ve helped.

Wilma1 - Knowing Liam Riley

Gritty, funny, sad - and great. Easily one of the best (and better written) memoirs on this site. On my shelf.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

This is honest, forthright and told with true grit. Superb voice. A pleasure to support.
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

wonderfully written best of luck

Scott

Dear Steven, I love that you have shared your story - I shared mine, too, in my memoir. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

Hi Steven,

Your book is another great example of why non-fiction books on people are significant, the insight is so valuable. Obviously it is up to the reader how they use the information and if it does become beneficial. I hope you received a feeling of satisfaction for writing this as you have executed the emotional roller coaster so well. I have had a few experiences myself and at the end of the day have learnt to be me, and accepted that although wrong ,people will jump to generalise and label and it can lead to a downfall. I know a few medics that label as they have to as part of the 'system' and apologise and write their own notes to nearly excuse the tag. People always seem to jump to the easiest conclusion and you can turn it round and judge their wisdom on their philosophy and still know deep inside the real you.
Your book has been on my shelf for days and I would gladly buy a copy if published.

Backed easily and I admire you for the way it has been written.

ww Lisa

Really well done, best of luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

I rarely am so easy to agree with another reviewer, but Zan clearly stated my feelings. I feel the same anger that you are so willing to accept words used by others to sum you up. Simply I'd just say, fuck 'em the 12-step groups and all of it. I do understand, though, why using these words may be easier "than trying to reinvent the wheel." Ah shrinks, their meds, and their bullshit jargon. Meds, meds, and meds. Another day in paradise. Oh well, treatments can be a lifestyle if you want them to be. I loved the catch-22 in the lines, "They all maintained that I would have to sober up and make the call myself. Yeah, there was a great motivation to stop. Two more days and I called the . . . center . . . myself, probably because I ran out of booze . . ." Life is rehab. When I get a little more time, I be back to see where this goes. Backed for now.

Rolling Blackouts: Crazy, Tipsy, Hungry....and Queer
Steven Eltz

Steven,
This is one of the more interesting pieces of non-fiction I have read here. Your pitches are good - at least they made me dip into this. This line "I do know that the easy, the uncomplicated and the mundane bores me" struck a chord - perhaps it's that way with most people, but few admit it because...? (I think it should be "bore" and not "bores" - do get another opinion.) Very couragageous piece which seems honest, emotional, grim at times, humourous sometimes, and hopefully, effective to whatever degree, small or large, in changing religious and social perceptions concerning sexual orientation. Really a provocative, fascinating, masterly presentation of your life experiences - a sympathetic biography really and I hope it has helped you to have written this. I must say that at times the picture you painted of yourself probably represented society's vision, which I did not always agree with - "I've accumulated a few titles... Descriptive words like anorexic, bulimic, homosexual and cross-addicted alcoholic are among the words and phrases used to summarize my experiences and thus, sum me up." This evoked a slight anger I must admit, because these words can never sum up a human life. I believe there is nobility in every human being - the problem is that society is obsessed with labels, always have been, and always will be. Anyway, your book kept my attention and I was mentally and emotionally engaged by your writing. This is something I would read the entirety of if in paper print - electronic reading is now really doing my eyes in. HOpefully, this will be published and I can have a paper copy to read in due course. Happy to have backed this Steven and I commend you for writing it.
Best wishes,
Zan

Honest, funny and gritty in places, this is an excellent addition to the biography genre. It's a fascinating vuewpoint that keeps the reader turning pages.

Backed with pleasure :)

Abi xxx

I like the voice here, title is a little long, the writing is nice.

Honest, emotional and I must say quite funny in parts!
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Your pitch is new, it reads fresh and uncomplicated in prose. It boded well for your novel. It too is written in a relaxed, honest style. I particularly like the way you have eschewed flowery language, it's clever in word choice but not in a "hey look how F@#king good this sentence is" kind of way which i've seen used a little too much for my liking on here. I doubt agents and publishers really go for that pretentiousness anymore. What I like about your writing was it's openness. I didn't get the sense of exaggeration or elevations to drama queen. You'd got some good solid writing here. With a strong edit, helping things be in a more orderly fashion you could well have a great book.
David
Bailey of the Saints

Being unable to know/feel, first hand, what it is like to face the social and - particularly - the emotional strains of this sexual orientation, in a society which has so long worshiped what it calls 'the norm,' I had my eyes truly opened through your immensely candid and courageous book.
We see the slide into eating disorders and self consciousness over body form, yet all underlain by a sharp and incisive wit.
This is a very moving and at times tender account which must arouse our sympathy for those who need to express their sexuality in the only way they know how - instinctively and naturally, for them.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

I've read all that you've uploaded here, and I must say, this is compelling stuff. It's brutally honest yet witty, even laugh-out-loud in some parts. I would definitely add "talented writer" to the list of labels you've mentioned you carry, perhaps putting this label at the top. Happily shelved.

Best of luck with this.

Amy
Love Match

Well, Steven, you certainly don't sound like a crazy person to me.
We try to talk oursleves out of being depressed, bored, lonely, restless, bitter and extremely annoyed with people all the time. But sometimes it just doesn't work, does it. And so we turn to our vices.
I am glad you have survived your ordeals and have decided to share them with the world. It must be hard to write this and relive all of your mistakes and their consequences. It also must have felt good to get it all off your chest! Writing has helped me organize and tame my neurosis, so I urge you to keep it up and use it to fulfill you in all of those empty spots.
Your book is an unflinching baring of the soul and for those who can't identify with it, they can learn from it.

Christa

A dramatic account of self-destruction without self-delusion. And fascinating and funny. Briliant. Backed. Lynn

I wish you well with this. It's well written and it's a story that raws the reader in.

Lockjaw

Engaging and fascinating. Lots to look at
for the curious reader. Shelved with best
wishes.
Great pitch.. no typos..maybe you could change the chapter order
I noticed Ch 3 onwards more 'reader friendly'.
Lots of luck with it...............mikegilli The Free

Relatable and raw, intimate and interesting, funny and fucked up -- everything a gay guy with food issues' life story should be. Your world will be alien to many of your readers, but like any good trip into unknown territory, it's OK to feel a little uncomfortable and weirded out, as long as you keep your eyes open and trust your guide.

Takes guts to open up about this stuff, and talent to make people want to read more about it. So, backed.

Michael
(Kiss Me, Straight)

Rolling Blackouts

First it is always a privilege to be let into a person’s life in this way. I like the style and the writing structure that you have used. However what impressed me the most was your courage to tell this, it is very impressive and also a great privilege.

You had me at David Sedaris.

I like your voice here. Very fresh, funny and intimate. The character is very interesting, too, hooking the reader right away. The only concern I have is that the fluidity from chapter to chapter could be better. Pick a style and go with it. Regardless, you kept me engaged and I enjoyed getting a glimpse of this ever-so-complicated character. Great job. Backed.

- Janene

The long pitch worked for me. There is something here that I know nothing of which is why some of the terms get by me. But what needs work is the short pitch. Perhaps I am not as educated as you as I do not know the references. Being Authonomy's #1 commentator and amateur pitch doctor, trust me, spend some time on your pitches; I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader whether here on this website or in a book shoppe. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

I have a didactic writing style. I do not intend to chide; I hope to instruct. So hold bound / let loose and maintain a sense of proportion in your head. Take each comment and decide the weight of the words.

A lot of really marvelous stuff here. Good honest truth.

A lot of verbiage and backtracking too.

I want to begin by telling you that I admire your courage. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to unzip your soul and turn around and grab your ankles and ask the world to judge you. And that’s what an author of an autobiography does when he writes. And everyone knows that. That’s why fiction was born. Because the friction between pride and fact chafes a man’s marrow. So congratulations of the courage of composition. And I swear to the good Christ I mean that.

But you’re going to have to decide what you intend to do.

Now I think you have a story to tell and I think you have the talent to tell it well. Go take out the passivity and tell it.

Share it. Expose it. Risk bro. Come on. You’re close. Come on. Teach us.

Couple of things to consider:

The writer of an autobiography must remember that the reader is not reading about you. He is reading a character that is you. The reader emotionally identifies with the author by making the author an object: an object of affection or revulsion. The reader doesn’t know the author. He doesn’t know how the author speaks and sounds and stresses and relaxes. The author must define himself to the reader.

A narrative voice really is a guide through the plot. It must be steady and assured. Now a narrative can be lyrical and light. A narrative can be like a ballerina as it glides and wisps. But a ballerina has surety in her steps. Each move is choreographed. Each move is plotted. There is an exactness to her movements. A narrative voice must not be too passive.

I wish you all the best -

Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

Steven, I read the "Another Day in Paradise" section. This is a smooth read. Seems almost like a good piece of fiction, if I am allowed to make that comparison. Nothing to nitpick there.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

A courageous read indeed! Your writing has a lovely flow to it.

It's difficult to know what else to say except you have my vote.

Melxx

Now, this is not the kind of book I would normally buy, but I have to say I am most impressed with your writing. I'll leave others to comment on the authenticity and applicability for the gay market, but your prose is fluid and I found nothing to nit pick. CArl. The Time Hunters

This is a good story: a celebration of being gay means in today's world. It takes courage to write this kind of book because you reveal so much of yourself while you do that. You write so well - sometimes sad, sometimes amusing - always interesting - it makes this a good read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

"...dribble on paper" should read "drivel on paper". And it certainly isn't.

Wow - this is excellent narrative! Very much reminds me of David Sedaris in NAKED LOL! One of my favorites - anyway - why is this going down in rankings??? It is one of the best autobiographical pieces of work here if not the most entertaining! Maybe you shoul dget a decent cover instead of the generic one you hav ewhich certainly doesn't do what's inside this book justice - just a thought! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Rolling Blackouts will attract those who enjoy autobiographies, as the author's life is evidently both unusual and interesting. I didn't like the intro and the 'working outline', though - I felt they belong in your private draft, and not on here for critique as part of the book. Starting at C3, I enjoyed your first person narration and the threads of wry humour running through the narrative. The pace seems fine and this is an easy read. I'll be happy to back it.

Thank you so much for your backing. I've had mixed feedback, about the content and a scathing but unbelievably great copy edit. I know its a pretty niche group that might find this engaging. When I feel insecure, I check the "gay" tab and see where I stand among other pieces in the genre and that makes me all fuzzy for a minute. If you have friends who you think may be interested, please (of course, without hesitation and fast) recommend they check it out. Thank you again :)

-Steve

I can type over 80 words per minute. Just thought you should know that. i can also read as many words as I write, but I don't know if that is an accomplishement or not. This is funny stuff. Dark funny, wry funny, witty funny. But funny none-the-less. You have an engaging outlook on life and the opinions stated in the first couple chapters I read are pretty brilliant.
I know plenty of people participating in the "gay lifestyle" that you reference. Maybe I should direct them over to this book. ;)
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

I can type over 80 words per minute. Just thought you should know that. i can also read as many words as I write, but I don't know if that is an accomplishement or not. This is funny stuff. Dark funny, wry funny, witty funny. But funny none-the-less. You have an engaging outlook on life and the opinions stated in the first couple chapters I read are pretty brilliant.
I know plenty of people participating in the "gay lifestyle" that you reference. Maybe I should direct them over to this book. ;)
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

I'm a huge fan of Hornbacher, loved her "Wasted" & "madness" and loved this too. Backed.

Now this is something i can relate to. Having been an 'on the scene' gay guy for a decade now, there've been times without number where i've teetered on the brink of what you're describing..... eating disorders... the catch 22 of being thin vs being healthy... rehab being a constant shadow of the parties. And it's brilliantly written. Dark humour adds a lot.
I think you'd probably enjoy my book too... it covers a lot of the same issues. Have a look if you like.
Good luck.
Phil

I'll confess that its the title that got me. The Introduction certainly set the scene for what appears to have been a life of very mixed experience. And I'll say now, thanks for opening this up to "the masses" and sharing it. Its an erudite account of a real life and I'm shelving it and will watchlist it so I can keep track of your subsequent chapters.

I'd naturally be grateful if you could take the time to look at my work as well.

Patrick
Their Lordships Request

Tyler,

Thanks for your feedback. It's interesting that around chapter 4 you started to get into it. That part was for the most part a piece I added just as a break in the regular material which is potentially a little more...heavy? I have more short pieces like that I can polish up and post to see if I get the same positive response.

You just gave me a little look at a new direction, so thank you so much.

Cheers,
Steve

Steven,

I wish you had posted more of your story. Starting with the forth chapter, it became a fantastic read. I'm not sure what all the introductory stuff was in the first three chapters, but I believe that if you begin the book with the forth chapter, and then fold a few of the details from the beginning into the rest of the story, you would have a more compelling read. I must admit that I almost stopped in the early chapters, but kept looking for the story. When I found it, I'm glad I kept reading.
I love the humorous thread that you have woven through what must have been a very difficult time in your life.

Best wishes for success. Shelved

tyler - Never In a Million Years.

Steven,

I wish you had posted more of your story. Starting with the forth chapter, it became a fantastic read. I'm not sure what all the introductory stuff was in the first three chapters, but I believe that if you begin the book with the forth chapter, and then fold a few of the details from the beginning into the rest of the story, you would have a more compelling read. I must admit that I almost stopped in the early chapters, but kept looking for the story. When I found it, I'm glad I kept reading.
I love the humorous thread that you have woven through what must have been a very difficult time in your life.

Best wishes for success. Shelved

tyler - Never In a Million Years.

Steven,

I wish you had posted more of your story. Starting with the forth chapter, it became a fantastic read. I'm not sure what all the introductory stuff was in the first three chapters, but I believe that if you begin the book with the forth chapter, and then fold a few of the details from the beginning into the rest of the story, you would have a more compelling read. I must admit that I almost stopped in the early chapters, but kept looking for the story. When I found it, I'm glad I kept reading.
I love the humorous thread that you have woven through what must have been a very difficult time in your life.

Best wishes for success. Shelved

tyler - Never In a Million Years.

Hi Steven,
Thank you for asking me to look at this. Please remember though, I am no better than any other amateur writer and my opinions are just that, so if I were you, I would wait until you have a few more comments to see if mine match, only then if you feel like it, would I change anything.

The opening paragraph (I’m a bit of a sucker for making them as strong as possible so as to hook a reader)

I throw on cologne and designer glasses that I make a point to push up my nose often so as to look intellectual and engaged.

I would say:
I slap on cologne and check my image in the mirror, with my forefinger, I practice the intellectual and engaged look by pushing my designer glasses snug to the bridge of my nose.

othewise, I see a bloke with a pair of glasses hanging from his nostrils.

I always have enough to spot for coffee, or drop in the collection basket (sorry, this sentence makes no sense to me at all)

It’s very hard to be critical with true-life stories, the last thing you want to do is to turn someone off or make the author feel incapable. (I don’t think that at all, by the way) I think it’s a process of getting certain things over clearly, and use a process of elimination to improve the writing.

The only real problem I can see at the moment is your tendency to overwrite, perfect for business letters, but unnecessary words make sentences hard to read.

If I give you a few examples, maybe you could apply them throughout. Do a word search with a few words and see if you could take them out without losing any effect. (my writing is very tight – minimal) I don’t expect everyone to follow that example though.

The most maddening part of all (of this) (is that) after years of therapy and

That this was a bit ambitious of a goal for me.
If you alter the word sequence to:

This goal was a bit too ambitious for me. Does that sound clearer?

I’d be happy to help a little more if I wasn’t so close to the desk. I am working hard to get my own true-life story A Boy Called George to the desk in February. (you might want to take a look?)

These are my observations so far. The story is interesting, but I think it needs tightening up. Contact me again in March if you like any of these Ideas, and I will try to give you a hand.
Most importantly of all, keep at it.
Best wishes
Sue