Teenwars

This is an enthralling science fiction story with interesting and well fleshed out characters. Your storyline is magical as well as thought provoking. Apt descriptions. Fresh, age appropriate dialogue. Compelling narrative. A delight to read. Backed.

Very well written. Nice mix of dialogue and narrative with an intriguing plot. I expect you to do well this. Shelved!

Leigh
If you have time, please consider reading "Lies That Bind" and backing if appropriate. Thanks!

I wish you the best with this. Excellent, great theme, good dialog! Backed.

I like the anti-bullying theme - grade teachers will like it as well. Also think the plot/story is original. Bookshelved to read more.
If you have time or willing children, may be enjoy my book. [social message of family and also looking after parks]
Jerry [paperbats]

Ron,

Wow, your fine desciptive writing style and image making potential has placed this tale into a perfect craft of masterly written piece of work, which will definitely appeal to children everywhere in the world. Very fantastic work. I suggest you work a little bit on the pitch, it will do justice to this good thing. I wish you the best of luck.

I warm to Kruger immensely, with his bafflement at the victor not enslaving or eating the vanquished as any civilised species would. Outside in Nothingness Wood, there's a Devil's Ditch and a Satan's Bridge, and still Aaron and his gang play there! So do the bullying Cutlers. Nice hook to the nose, Aaron. Trouble is that Barry won't let it rest, and a barricade isn't going to be that much use. Forget the barricade ... there's a monster. What do you expect in a place called the Unholy Arena?

Bob is having trouble keeping Aaron out of scrapes, at least that's how it looks to him. He disapproves of gangs, which given Aaron is a gang leader ... Hm. Carol makes a good second-in-command, 'How are you going to hack it with a kid-eating monster?' She has her off-moments though, 'if Stinker's been eaten there's no point in looking for him'. Aaron decides to make a pact and finds himself between a rock and a hard place. Barry is a screwed up mess of a kid, but he has one thing going for him ... he cares about Beverley.

Bullying loses it's appeal when there's an even bigger bully around ... and they don't get much bigger than Kruger. United against a single enemy, Aaron and Barry might make a truce ... maybe even something stronger at some point in the future. Meanwhile, it's a matter of winning trust and co-operation, given that only kids will believe in the monster unless there's firm evidence. The writing is perfectly paced, Ron, and couched in terms that a young readership will follow with ease. It's also polished to a high shine (I only saw one possible nit: 'They're really going to batter us now, aren't they', needs a ?). As to the story, it's funny, thought-provoking and a real page-turner ... kids will love it ... backed.

Though not my genre, someone asked me to read it and I’m glad.
The opener’s clear and tells the reader what he’s holding in hand. When the story starts you do a great job at juggling narration and dialogue, showing and telling…I like it.
The pace is fast enough to hold the reader’s attention. You’ve done on hell of a job and I’m backing it.
Dan
Maybe you could look at TO KILL A DEAD MAN and back it as well.

Dear Ron
What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now finished. I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Perfect for the YA audience. Many years of teaching English tells me that this would be a hit. BACKED

Smooth, impressive writing...

your is short and to the point, making us want to read on. the story itself is interesting and would make a great movie. l hope this does well; l shall help- watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

this complicated subject has said with ease and clearity, I like it very much. backed

shah

You are like totally fantastic, Ron Parker! :) How can I ever thank you for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Hi Ron, Teenwars is great. I think children will love it. The opening with hungry Kruger in his invisible spaceship is wonderful. Then the kids playing sticks and planning to build a den. The Cutlers catch Jason. Aaran's fight with bully Barry is also well told and Barry's final threat is superb...a really good hook into the next chapter.
One nit: in paragraph 2, you write --' Kruger watched the strange animals he had been sent to investigate', and in paragraph 4 you write, '...he watched the strange behaviour of the creatures he had come to study'.
I hope this is helpful.
Backed with pleasure,
barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Dear Ron,
I started reading this a long time ago it seems and I returned to it. I feel sure I backed it and commented however I dont know whether it showed so I am BACKING IT FOR SURE. BEST of luck with this read.
I would love you to review my book, different genre but like me cross over and comment on the craft or skill . and please comment and if you feel back my work.
again thank you for a good read best of luck
Denise
The Letter

Dear Ron, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
Here is the response I received from authonomy concerning backing:
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved."

Great a good story about bullying. I have tried to bring this subject up in my story in a more simplistic way for young children. The short paras bring a good pace to your narrative and the addition of Kruger adds an extra dimension to the story. Backed, Regards, Anne

nicely written. happy to back!
Thanks
Christopher Heltai
Crossing The Line

Nicely written and great message. Your imagery is vivid and the opening really hooks. BACKED!

Please check out DARKLANDS, if you have a moment.

Cheers!

Donna

Your highly descriptive writing style coupled with your vivid imagination ensures that your finely crafted story will appeal to children everywhere. Your use of short paragraphs keeps your story flowing well. Your work is well written and your use of imagery is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Came to read because your book was recommended by a friend and I shall now go and thank that friend!!! Phenomenal!!!

Hey,
Back for chapter two. I wouldn't have said, "Aaron's team..." at the start. I would just say Aaron led his friends...or something like that...and I'd take out the use of "children" - since you are writing to them, just say they all looked...I wanted Jason to say when they told him not to come, I have to come, I can't let you guys at this alone. No matter how much younger or scared, I want him to be a part of it. I like him already. Don't let them get the idea that Barry can help them now. He is still the archenemy, he wouldn't have felt the desparation at this point to try to join forces after the first encounter. Let that come later, when he sees he has no choice...like he is backed against a wall and all he can do is reach out to the bully. I could see Carol saying at this point, wonder if Beverly is out there, or the girls or even the Cutler boys? Or saying somethng like, I wonder if we should warn them? with the rest of them saying, let the monster eat them for all we care...they'd probably spit Barry out... I'm sure that today no kid will even understand the film reference. I wanted him to try to take a picture with his cellphone, that is what every kid does these days. I do think you use the word bully too much, maybe call him other jerky names in there to mix it up...I did like how you ended the chapter with the dad's POV, and Carol's last line was perfect. I'm coming back for more! Sincerely, Solo

Hey,
Back for chapter two. I wouldn't have said, "Aaron's team..." at the start. I would just say Aaron led his friends...or something like that...and I'd take out the use of "children" - since you are writing to them, just say they all looked...I wanted Jason to say when they told him not to come, I have to come, I can't let you guys at this alone. No matter how much younger or scared, I want him to be a part of it. I like him already. Don't let them get the idea that Barry can help them now. He is still the archenemy, he wouldn't have felt the desparation at this point to try to join forces after the first encounter. Let that come later, when he sees he has no choice...like he is backed against a wall and all he can do is reach out to the bully. I could see Carol saying at this point, wonder if Beverly is out there, or the girls or even the Cutler boys? Or saying somethng like, I wonder if we should warn them? with the rest of them saying, let the monster eat them for all we care...they'd probably spit Barry out... I'm sure that today no kid will even understand the film reference. I wanted him to try to take a picture with his cellphone, that is what every kid does these days. I do think you use the word bully too much, maybe call him other jerky names in there to mix it up...I did like how you ended the chapter with the dad's POV, and Carol's last line was perfect. I'm coming back for more! Sincerely, Solo

I LOVED chapter one. I can't stand bullies (what my book starts with, too...) and I see the gangs so clearly in my head. Not really a gang, but just a group of friends trying to have fun, take care of each other. I thought of the Sand Lot and Goonies right away...and even though Aaron was not in the fair fight, a good punch in the nose was all it would take. Usually when bullies get it, they cry! Wonderful! I love your descriptions of Jason, and Stinker, and how you each gave them a distinct voice. I'm going on to chapter two now, just had to stop and comment before I forgot to say what I needed to say once I get involved. Sincerely, Solo

This is really entertaining. Very imaginative. One thing that caught my attention is that it seems to be told from an adults perspective. Phrases like "the children" might be a bit off-putting to early teens that seems to be your target audience. Other than that minor offfense, I think you have a really good story here.

tyler (Almost Straight)

I think it's original and timely, not to mention brilliant to combine sci-fi with such an important message.

Fantastic work. This is children's literature at its best, gripping and engaging. You don't lose the target reader with long words, but nor do you exclude other older readers with its simplicity. I particularly like the underlying and valuable message.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Well written and brings back a lot of (painful) memories. Gladly backed.

Great job, a good idea written very well, Good Luck. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles

Hello Ron. This is such a great read. The fight between the leaders was well told and reminded me of when I was younger, when my brothers would say 'Don't tell!' Lovely character building. It made me laugh picturing Kruger trying to get through the trees. The fact he is hostile and immediately wants to eat them is good. You leave the reader almost shouting at the others to believe he exists and can't wait for their reaction when they do.
That makes for a very well told story. Very best of luck with it! mariecapri

This reads very well and immediately conjures up images of childhood and the feelings kids have. The central premise is an interesting one and I am sure your target audience will relate very well to it. I usually advise people of this genre to check out the Harper Collins review of John Booth's Shaddowdon book, where they set out exactly what they look for. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Teenwars

This is a very imaginative story with a fantastic underlying theme. I think your characterisation is perfect for the audience. I think the structure of the story with the changing perspective and fractionation with the spaceship is very good, builds the storyline. Great concept and a story very well told. – Good luck

I think you've got a winning concept here.

Although well written I suggest you work on your pitch. This needs to sell your story better - it is your shop window on this site, so make the most of it! Backed. Colin

A wonderful storyline that all young adults will fall in love with...

Dear Ron, I love science fiction because your mind can run wild. :) Yes, ADHD is real & my granddaughter is now 15 & her mom would not let her take meds - she still has to see the psychiatrist weekly. I like your small paragraphs & dialogue which makes an easy read. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

Ron, your first chapter is a smooth read. I can see my little niece getting totally into your work.

Good job overall. Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

This is a good children's story. You have good characters in Aaron and Barry. Avoiding bullies is such a timely topic I think you'll find a wide audience for this. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Anti bullying is a subject i will always back. good start, descriptive very good and kids dialogue sounds natural. The theme of puttingaside differences against a common foe is refreshed by the kids angle.

Very well done! The alien must look pretty menacing to the kids and you've added the neat twist of gang rivalry to the mix. I've read two chapters and I'm intrigued. I'll put this on my shelf for you. Dave

This is perfect for middle schoolers - should be required reading - well written with down to earth charaters without being condescending to kids! So far I love it and I iwll be back for more because bless you - you have the entire book uploaded! BACKED with pleasure and good luck with thi s as it should do very well in publishing!

Liz
The Cheech Room

My daughter loved this story and I enjoyed reading it to her. This is the way she likes to play in world inhabited with video gamers. She identified with it immediately.

Would be happy to give this my backing if you'll have a look at mine.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

Hi Ron
A great story with a message. I really enjoyed the first two chapters. Am going to WL this and read some more tomorrow.
All the best
DP Walker
Five Dares

You write brilliantly for the age group you're aiming at. I read the first 2 chapters and wish I had time to read more.

Backed

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Hi Ron, I admire your inventiveness and your rich imagination, and your writing style is perfectly honed for this genre and age range. The dialogue also brings to life the characters, giving each of them different personalities. Perhaps a bit more on the long pitch? Backed, Scott.

Good opening and good premise. The short pitch works, aimed at parents rather than kids. I think the long pitch needs a bit more. Adding to my WL to bump to backing. Kudos and best of luck!
-Jenn
Reunion

Good opening and good premise. The short pitch works, aimed at parents rather than kids. I think the long pitch needs a bit more. Adding to my WL to bump to backing. Kudos and best of luck!
-Jenn
Reunion

Well-written and great read. Good hook at the begining.

I invite you to read or comment on the rebel.

God Bless,
Alan

I read the first chapter. You have your audience down with the tone, pacing, words. Think this will go over well with them. May wanna do both pitches. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my latter chapters. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Hi Ron, love the mini prologue, lovely bits of humor in it, he couldn't understand why they didn't eat their captives, and this planet was a long way behind any of the others. The story then goes onto the kids, really nice character here, I like the fact that their is one girl in the first group, she's plucky enough to stand up to Aaron, who seems a nice leader really, nothing like Barry. The Cutlers, what a great name for a gang, barry is almost like a pimp with the girls either side of him. Aaron standing up to him and the fight between them is really good and I thnk you have a really good adventure story here. Reminds me a little of a film when I was young, the name passes me at the moment but it had a cyclops and a gang and pirates and I remember wishing i could go on their adventure, I think kids will wish that about your book. On my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)