A Town Called Forget

Just a continuation from my previous comment. Yeah, I'm sure of it: This is going to be a very successful book. And not just for teens. I'm nearly forty, a man, and am reading far outside my genre--and I couldn't be enjoying this any more than I am. The dialogue is still excellent, the characters all wonderfully drawn, and the flow of the chapters themselves are beautiful. I found that "thong" word another comment mentioned, but was too busy enjoying the race to her aunt Lily's house to register exactly where it was. I love this story. Maybe you know what Shakespeare's Short List is, maybe you don't--but you're on it.

Fantastic read. I would back this over and over, then buy it for me before handing it off to my kids. I don't think there's gonna be any luck involved in publishing this story; it'll make it onto the bookstore shelves all on its own merit.

Shakespeare's Talking Head
Dropcloth Angels

Hi CP!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. While you’re there, check out the “Feel the Rush” promotion that will get you BRAINRUSH plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really!

I have just finished chapter 9 and I love this. I haven't seen much to critique. I was so taken up in the story I guess I just overlooked things. I'm shelving this one.

All the comments here are glowing, and they're right. It's a great story with nicely developed characters. I'm still trying to determine the POV, though. Good job. On my watch list.

Hello c p Hoff--
-A Town called Forget--


what a delightful cover and so perfect for the tale, and the adventures of Girly'.
lovely pitch also and the premise of what's to come in the town called 'forget'

you have a lovely flowing style of wringing, so delicate, as you bring us along
in the train to the town,
the dialogue with Harriet Simpson beautifully handled and a very readable first chapter;
how can one not want to read on.
Reading more chapters as it rolled along, with it's mysteries and intrigue, it's a page turner for those
of us who like a fantasy type of read, great imagination here indeed.
The lightness of touch continues on through at a nice pace.,nothing to tax the brain here.
just one good read in it's genre and i have no doubt that it will do very well

good luck with it
tom bye 'from hugs to kisses'
oblige and glance at mine and read about Stephens fantasy world and lots more as he grows up'

Hello c p Hoff--
-A Town called Forget--


what a delightful cover and so perfect for the tale, and the adventures of Girly'.
lovely pitch also and the premise of what's to come in the town called 'forget'

you have a lovely flowing style of wringing, so delicate, as you bring us along
in the train to the town,
the dialogue with Harriet Simpson beautifully handled and a very readable first chapter;
how can one not want to read on.
Reading more chapters as it rolled along, with it's mysteries and intrigue, it's a page turner for those
of us who like a fantasy type of read, great imagination here indeed.
The lightness of touch continues on through at a nice pace.,nothing to tax the brain here.
just one good read in it's genre and i have no doubt that it will do very well

good luck with it
tom bye 'from hugs to kisses'
oblige and glance at mine and read about Stephens fantasy world and lots more as he grows up'

so enjoying this book -put it on my watchlist and as soon as my commitments for reading are done on my shelf will finish it and back it -i love it because it is so different -even the tiltle does something to you -think you will def make it to the top very soon -well done-elisa gianoncelli -the thirteenth child

On my shelf!
i.e.
The Impeccable Editor's Guide to Writing (and Rewriting)

This is brilliant. I tee-heed my way right to the end. A Town Called Forget is chock full of surprises and quirky twists. You wrote so many lines I loved. "Have you forgotten what I asked you to forget?...Oh, that's my girl." The bit about being more appealing than an almost-dead thing. "Does she give herself to you with such determination." Aunt Lily is a hoot, but I can certainly see why she is so disliked. I loved the pie auction chapter from start to finish. I so hope to buy this book when it's finished. In our small town we had a very eccentric old woman. Aunt Lily could be her cousin. You might get a chuckle from my book. There's a box social auction in it, I think around chapter four or five. Regardless, I'm happy to back your book. Full stars, too. Carol

A Town Called Forget is such a delightfully odd book. I'm up to chapter ten and I'm totally enjoying myself. It's far different from what I normally read. You must be having such fun imagining what to do with the different Girlys. It's a very entertaining read. I hope to see this published. I have your book on my watch list, and will give it full stars for great writing and originality. When there's room, I'll put this on my shelf and back it. Best wishes on your way to the Editor's desk. Carol

Awesome first paragraph! I love the style, it's so funny and witty but deeply poignant too. There is a lot of clever writing here. It is straight to the point, enticing, and very strange.

Wow! I've given you six stars and I never give anyone six stars. This is amazing! I'd love to buy this book.
I've read five chapters (I've not finished yet) and it's exciting, sad, funny (especially chapter five)... Why is this not published? The only mistake I noticed was miniscule; parent's, instead of parents' (the apostrophe is in the wrong place) in chapter 3 or 4 (I can't go back and check or I'll lose what I've written!).
I love Aunt Lily (I think). Do we ever find out what Girly's real name is? Can I guess...is it Lily too? And I'm dying to know why her parents have sent her away.
I'll read on now. I see you haven't put the whole book on here so I'm hoping it doesn't end on a cliffhanger :)
I'm so impressed! Becky x
P.s: I'll back it very soon.

Your pitch is magnetic. Who wouldn't want to know more after reading that? I like quirky, and this book is denfinitely that. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Lovethe cover art and the title - I believe nine out of ten readers would pick this up from the shelf based on that alone - then your pitch is what sends them to the register! Backed 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

I really, really like this story. I laughed out loud a couple of times at Harriet. Can't wait to read the rest. Happily, Backed.

Angie

Sent here by I Paint with Words. Read two chapters and wished I had a little munchkin of my own to read it to. Lovely simple fluent dialogue which scatters in its wake a treasure trail of wisdom.

Good begining gettting us straight into the story. Very quirky character, and I like the way you skillfuly work in the girls description. Is there a reason for delaying the girl's name?

This is good and flows well, I like the characters, the are clear with an injection of humour.

Backed.

Could you take a look at either 'soulshadow' or 'toby'

craig phoenix

Hi,

Let me start by saying that this is a lovely read, I thoroughly enjoyed each and every word. You`ve created a wonderful world full of eccentric characters who beggar belief at times, they`re funny, witty and magical. I would buy this book...Backed with pleasure.

Good luck,
Cerys (Bradan)

Just a quick note to say I have added this title to my watchlist. Congrats on the "star" on your other title. Janine, "Helens-of-Troy."

You weave a strange tale well, and give life to the characters within it, with the language that is great.

Just a couple of things at the start I could mention. In the first paragraph should “There must be a special reason” be a question it seems she is asking the young woman it. And would it be better to say “young lady” rather than “young woman” as you already said older woman.

It looks like a riveting slice of life, detailing the story of the girl’s visit to Forgetta and Harriet seems like a well rounded individual.

Good luck

Stephen

A great premise!
Indeed, strange world around, and the girl -- lost in it, seeking...herself? Aren't we all?
Backed with pleasure

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

I like how you draw the reader in immediately with your great openning dialogue, it's crisp and you capture the time period well. You have an original storyline with excellent character development and good use of imagery. A most pleasureable read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I'm - um, I'm speechless, actually. I'm trying to hear myself think over the reader in me making strangled squeaking noises and telling me to stop typing and click next. I backed this earlier today after glancing at the first few paragraphs, only to be torn away by my two-year-old, now I'm clearing my evening to settle down for a good read.

The opening to this is the perfect display of dialogue done right. Immediately we have two brilliant characters: reclusive "the girl" sulky, confused and very sixteen, and Harriet, who we all know in some way. That alone portrays huge amounts of skill and style. I must read more.

One tiny thing, you have a stray " mark in chapter one "Harriet sat up straight in her seat.

Excellent work, and I hope the time it spent on my shelf was helpful!
Abi xxx

A Town Called Forget;

Great title and great pitch, I was hooked within the first couple of lines. Certainly not a town to Forget at all. This book is spellbinding and the only complaint I have is that it is incomplete on site.
I will certainly buy it if I see it on a bookshop shelf. The title is unforgetable.

backed with joy and merriment.

raven Scott
(Love is a colour too)

Incredibly imaginative premise and well-executed. You're in professional hands with this one--you just know it right from the start. Echoing another's comments, I'm a middle-aged male so this is not my typical genre, however I was surprised to realize where something like this can be taken by someone with such an unbounded and unique imagination. Eyes opened. Highly recommend this.

You've written an engaging opening to what promises to be a delightful tale. The combination of the surly girl and eccentric older woman is great, and the writing supports the premise. This should really do well here, and I'm happy to back it for you.
CraigD
The Job

CP: T.L. did a good job. The pitches sold me. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is a good story. You have good characters in both Girly and Aunt Lily. Aunt LIly was my favorite because of the way she wrote letters to herself and pretended she had a huge staff of help. I think young adults will enjoy this read a lot (and maybe not think their own families are so strange afterward). I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

As a chicken-keeper myself, I was pleased to see that this was Lily's one redeeming feature! A very intriguing and mysterious beginning - well-written and with great dialogue. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Amanda

I love the start of your book, though I would like the heroine to have a name.

Harriet's dialogue is spot on, but the girl's sounds very formal and rather unnatural - maybe I'll find a reason for this later.

The whole thing is very intriguing and I've put it on my bookshelf for a further read.

Elaine
Long Lying Below

The insight of testing for listening by one character on the protagonist enforces realism. The balanced blend of dialogue with descriptive passages flows easily, almost without being noticed by one reader, me. Backed Chuck

A Town Called Forget . . .

Connie, Connie, Connie---you should be ashamed of yourself for ever doubting your writing ability. I read to the end of c.5 and couldn't find anything I'd change.

This is a delightful book. I'm wondering if it's YA. The concept and the execution, from what I've read, are both brilliant. I wish you'd entered this in ABNA.

PLEEEEEEEEASE, never doubt yourself again, not even for a nanosecond.

Besos,
Sheryl

What a great character Harriet is - I love her! Enjoyed reading this, with its fantasic, light style and fun voice. You should go far. - Ferdi

Official Review:
A Town Called Forget, by CP Hoff--This is a light, fast, fun read. I've read everything posted and would LOVE to read more. You will soon fall in love with the characters of Forget; this is a story you will Remember. Witty, written with a unique style, unparalleled characters, and clever dialogue.

I love this work. It flows ever so smoothly and drew me in quickly. Your dialogue is very natural, the characterization excellent, and the descriptions just enough to allow my imagination to fill in the blanks. This is most definitely not my genre'. I'm a thriller reader and writer. But I loved it all the same. This work should be published. I am happy to support it.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH

Lovely job with this book! I was drawn in immediately. Backed.

CP:

I could lose myself in A Town Called Forget. Loaded with quirky characters, it was a delight to read and a pleasure to back.

Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

Lovely natural writing. Bringing Forget to life is a wonderful idea.
Backed
Jennifer Powick
The Shrawley Rabbit

No
BK

I love this crazy town and it's crazy people. please let me know when you post more. I've read everything you have posted here and wish to read more!

Chapter 12 brought a smile to my face. Excellent story you have here!

Great ending hook on Chapter 11. This is a fun read. I'll be done with your posted chapters soon--I hope you will let me know when you have posted more.

I love the pace and flow to your chapters. Breezed right through 9 and 10. Excellent story thus far :)

In chapter 10, your descriptions lend toward passive. For a description, I think it's fine, but I'm sure you could find a way to show these descriptions in an active voice as well. Example:

You wrote: The trolley was a wagon with only three wheels, and was almost impossible to manage.
Consider: The trolley, a wagon with only three wheels, was almost impossible to manage.
We still have a "was" in there, but to a lesser degree. Furthermore, we cut an unnecessary "and" Nothing wrong with and, it's a word in the english language just like any other, but it's often overused--in other words, it's used in times where it is unnecessary. These suggestions are only meant to help. I suggest looking through your manuscript for instance of "was" and determining if there are times when it can be removed through rewording the sentence.

After that you have:
The grocer's was a small store, but it was the only story they could afford.

Look at those two sentences back to back (which is, incidentally, how you have them already)
The trolley was a wagon with only three wheels, and was almost impossible to manage.
The grocer's was a small store, but it was the only store they could afford.

the/ the... trolley/grocer... was/was...wagon/store...was/was...manage/afford.
Okay, this is a parallel construction stretched out over two sentences, which itself if fine, since I'm sure neither the trolley nor the grocer are more important than the other, however having two sentences that way kind of makes the flow a little choppy or monotonous in that part. This is just my opinion of course. Maybe you did this intentionally, if so ignore me.

The second sentence could be reworded:
The grocer's small store was the only store they could afford.

Back to back you would have:
The trolley, a wagon with only three wheels, was almost impossible to manage.The grocer's small store was the only store they could afford.

Very good chapters. I noticed, though, that you use a hyphen instead of an em-dash sometimes. I used to do that too. To make an em--dash type the word then -- then the next word, then hit space. It will join both hyphens into an em-dash for you.

I plan to finish the rest of the chapters you have posted. Will you be posting more?

In Chatper 8 you have Lily say "must have taking a wrong turn." is this how she said it, or was that a typo for taken? Thought I would point it out just in case.

You also write "Aunt Lily braces her." was that a tense slip?

I love the dialogue in this chapter as well! Normally I'm not into omniscient stories, but you write this well. Impressive.

you have an extra space in over-powering. Also, when you wrote: "her limbs were flowed in perfect unison" I felt the sentence would flow better without "were". JMO, take it or leave it :) I'm hesitant to make suggestions as one could only dream to write as well as you, but I'd hope once I post my story people would kindly point out areas I might improve as well.

I'm curious why she thinks her aunt will regret those words now? A very interesting chapter, again.

In Chatper 8 you have Lily say "must have taking a wrong turn." is this how she said it, or was that a typo for taken? Thought I would point it out just in case.

You also write "Aunt Lily braces her." was that a tense slip?

I love the dialogue in this chapter as well! Normally I'm not into omniscient stories, but you write this well. Impressive.

you have an extra space in over-powering. Also, when you wrote: "her limbs were flowed in perfect unison" I felt the sentence would flow better without "were". JMO, take it or leave it :) I'm hesitant to make suggestions as one could only dream to write as well as you, but I'd hope once I post my story people would kindly point out areas I might improve as well.

I'm curious why she thinks her aunt will regret those words now? A very interesting chapter, again.

In chapter 7, you say the air smelled so good. I'd much rather have a description of what the air smelled like. Awe, I felt bad for Girly in this chapter. I'm enjoying this. My housework shall suffer as I read more.

Chapter 6--excellent! I liked the way you described the dress and incorporated the way the dress felt. Great use of the senses. I am loving this crazy lady!

WOW this woman is truly crazy! This is a great story! So far what I have been doing here is reading 5 chapters before I decide if I will back a book (less if I decide before then that I wont). Here I am at 5 chapters, and I will back the book, but in this case I will continue reading as well.

Chapter 4 notes: Do a word find for "that" and see if there might be some instances where you could cut that word without effecting the meaning of the sentence. It's a commonly over-used, weak word. I saw at least once instance you could safely cut it.

also, when you say "the woman had only used the cane once" it made me feel as if more time had passed than had. I find out after that she is just getting to her room and unpacking. This would make more sense to me if you said the woman had only used her cane once on the walk over, or something along those lines.

The name thing is kind of funny. Normally I wouldn't got for the whole "mystery over the name thing", and I do wonder why the woman doesn't know her niece's name. Maybe she didn't know about her aunt, but didn't her parents tell her aunt that she was coming? they didn't say her name? the mother hasn't told her sister what her daughters name was for 16 years?

But I think your reader base with suspend thoughts like that for this kind of story. Just has the sort of vibe, where things aren't quite as normal here.

Your prose is flawless and flows nicely, It's been easy reading so far and a story I could easily get lost in.

Finished Chapter 3. Another great chapter. I like your style, it's very easy to read and I love the prose as well. I had a feeling the old woman was the aunt. You do an excellent job with dialogue and action. If I could make a suggestion...I think you should include more from the different senses--we get a light of sight here.. but what about sound, scent, taste, and feel? Other than that, I can't suggest much. The writing is very clean, something any writer would envy. I would buy a book like this just to study the technique of dialogue and description alone. You set a beautiful "vibe" for the story as well.