FLIGHT

you have a premise for a great book. i love books that have a lot to teach.

i think the title "Flight 1" is a little boring though.

Hi H. Nherera!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. Special offer for former Authonomy backers between now and the formal launch on Sept 1st: If you would like to receive a “Review” copy of the eBook (plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really), go to the website, click the “Contact” button, and leave a message that includes your Authonomy username and the secret code words “I Feel the Rush!” Details of this promo will be emailed to you. Thanks!

I happen to know rather more about Zimbabwe than most outsiders but it still amazes me just how much I still have to learn about this troubled country. This is another book I shall be happy to add to my bookshelf when , as I hope, it is eventually published.

Philip John

You've given us an appealing story with believable characters and vivid settings. Great theme. Smooth dialogue. Confident narrative. Magical use of language. Emotionally charged. Inspired writing. Backed.

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Peter. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

To H. Nherera (Flight)
As one who believes education is the only true way to set all mankind free, I liked what was available to me of your book. Good luck with it and I'm BACKING IT.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Dear H., I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quotes: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy

Dear H., I love that you told about Zimbabwe & its culture - it was as if I was right there in the story. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

You've got a nicely exotic story going here, but I gather that it's meant for Western audiences. Here's a suggestion that would require a lot of work: Write in a Western character that will add a point of entry and empathy to the Western reader. This also will allow you to more naturally explain African details to the reader as they are explained to the character. I also gather that English might be a second language for you, for which you are to be applauded, but you might want to get a linguist to help you make the writing more fluid, without giving up your authentic voice. This is a good effort though, and I want to back you to encourage you to keep working on it.
Craig
The Job

Flight

[Thank you for returning my backing. T. ☼☼☼☼]

I liked this. I liked its open prose and simplicity. I liked the look into village life in rural Zimbabwe and Peter’s drive to escape from poverty and ambition to become President. You have a problem with line breaks from your word processor. Each paragraph should be stripped of manual line breaks and end with just one paragraph mark. To indent the paragraph, start it with a single tab character. I can’t work out where your paragraphs are supposed to be as it is. What happens to Peter? Does he get eaten by the crocodile? I’d forgotten about the opening. If he truly does get to university, only to be eaten, the gentle optimism of what I’ve read in the first four chapters will be dashed.

I’m backing this and if you can find the time to take a look at Bokassa’s Last Apostle in return I’d be extremely grateful. Thanks.

i like this, it flows well and is a good old fashioned adventure. you may need to concider a different title.
on watchlist for now...
su dan [please read Seasons]

Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

H., I was most impressed with your dialogue and descriptions. Your opening strikes a mighty blow—intense. I found the plot interesting and characters compelling. There is a rhythm in the writing that adds to the already good pace--its sets the tone for the remainder of the book
Best wishes
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Well, you can figure out the mechanics of the crocodile attack, but the rest of the story is intriguing, with or without the croc. Backed yesterday, Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

Yours is a wonderful pitch and a story that should be told. Your writing is lovely with lots of rich, atmospheric detail. I have no idea as to the authenticity of this, but it read in a most impactful manner. Happy to support this
Carl
The Time Hunters

Hm. I’ve seen crocodiles swimming and this is not it. Something that swims with mouth wide open and saliva dripping from the corner of its mouth could be, let’s say, the Loch Ness monster. Seriously, you should rethink this. Attacking crocodiles keep most of their head underwater and strike only when they are nearly touching their victim. Good luck with your story.

A great promising start from what I have read so far - excellent style
Snave
When Spirits Break Free

This is a fascinating insight into Zimbabwe - a place I know very little about. Your story has given me a thirst to discover more about the rivers, the storms, the education, the wildlife, the villages... and you have done so with a very likeable character.
I would buy this if it were on the shelves!
warm wishes and good luck
Hatts

I like storie that take me away from my everyday world and transport me to a new and different one. This one takes a reader to Zimbabwe. You've made Peter a sympathetic character as he struggles to rise above poverty. I like the way you detail customs that are unique to the country. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of SAlt).

Flight

There is something about this book that intrigues me. It has a real sense of being!
You have a strong voice and it has transmitted to this – there is something special in here.

This has potential and has an interesting insight to the different cultural diversities, and although it has some unpleasant scenes ,it has value in the insight and the great premise. There are a few editing issues but only small. (I also noticed privilege spelt wrong in the pitch.) Overall this is a fascinating and entertaining read.

Backed.


Lisa

Thanks for backing Finding Beth. I'm adding Flight to my watchlist.
~LRM

H.

Flight - Oh, crunch, did it happen? A window into Zombabwe, evoking the place, the people and their aspirations. Fascinating. I'd have read more if more was on screen. Best success with the work. On my shelf, althought I may have backed this earlier to give it a start.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Nicely written and engaging. An edit would be of benefit, some of your sentences are a little too long, but otherwise I am happy to back this. Colin

Hi
I love books where I can be entertained as well as learning something and your book does both. Zimbabwe is such a fascinating country to write about and you picture it clearly whilst maintaining a level of tension and suspense.
Backed
DP Walker
Five Dares

You set the scene very well, using powerful language to carry your readers into your story. You have chosen an ambitious project, and you are clearly rising to the challenge.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules were made to be broken." - Relic

An ambitious book to right, but it is written well. I disagree with M.M Wilshire though - you should try and write your own story, not hire a ghost writer! It's a huge learning curve and it may be successful. If it isn't, then you think about ghostwriters! Keep going, I really hope this does well.

Aimee
His Pride, Her Prejudice

What va beautiful piece of literature this is - so much to learn about the culture - with some polishing I can see this as required reading in high schools and colleges here in the USA! Well done - you sure do have something excellent here! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

There's a lovely story here on the edge of breaking out. While there are some editorials, the general style suits the subject matter and you should ensure it isn't 'edited-out'. Africa is always good material for a book and this shows a lot of promise.

Backed
Chris

Thank you very much

I like the facts you supply throughout the story, such as the regional food provided. You might only have a niche audience with this premise, the writing is good though.

Damien.

Africa is always fascinating. The idea of Peter in the river with the croc early on draws the reader in...but there needs to be deeper feeling in the descriptions and more action (even though you have some there already) to keep the reader interested. Then we're taken into some descriptions Chiota, but I feel left out a little in the open without something to grab onto, if that makes any sense. Keep the reader involved more by perhaps developing the initial scene first...and bring the descriptions of the town, etc. a little further along

Its an interesting read for the location alone, and you clearly know the culture well. As a reader I learnt a few things from your pitch alone, I'd never heard of these rituals especially chimaru which is absolutely shocking. Based on your first few chapters you have a different story with lots of potential. Backed.

George (The Touch of God)

You’ve got a lot of good things going on here. Primarily - you’ve got a great story. But you also have a few problems.

Okay, one thing you need to do is go through the text and make certain your verbs are all in the proper tenses. When they aren’t, it creates confusion. So you need to make sure they all agree.

Usually it works best for adverbs to be placed before the verb. Now, not always. But for pace and clarity, it’s a pretty good rule.



Good luck,
Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

an enjoyable read, backed

alison

I like this. And, I also have a crocodile fight in the third chapter of my novel, Visions. I've already backed it, of course. Dave

SHELVING you because Tim did. I can use your comments on my book when you can get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This book is wonderfully informative about South East Africa and South East African customs. It has a very pleasant style and voice.

Cattles should be cattle. other spelling and grammatical errors, but a smooth read overall.

Wow, what a great hook at the beginning. It can't get much more exciting than that. Backed.

you have a premise for a great book. i love books that have a lot to teach.

i think the title "Flight 1" is a little boring though.

A great start dear and I am sure will go all the way.

good luck

Shah

Hi,

I love the premise and think that this would make a great novel, but it has some way to go before it is 'ready' for that. I'm assuming that English is not your first language, for that's how the writing comes across to me.

You have some lovely stuff here, but it needs serious editing for syntax and grammar, so I'm wondering if you know someone with good English who can help you with this? Maybe a kind of writing partner, or good friend, who you trust, who can help you edit it into a more publishable form?

However, I DO like the 'native' feel to the writing, so I would take care that any work done should try to retain a sense of that native voice about it, while still providing a more sophisticated piece of writing.

Backed because it provides great potential.

Ferdi

Thank you for the advice, I will apply it when I start editing. Many thanks.

Which made Peter to shiver even more?

Cut out the then's, even's, still and the writing would become far tighter.

A helpful example, you wrote. It was then he froze as he realised that his troubles for the day were far from over.

Try, He froze when he realised his troubles were far from over.

It's just my opinion and I'm new to this too. But I have learnt so much from others on the site from listening to their advice.

I see a lot of promise here though.

Shelved

Melxx
UNICORN (crime/thriller)

This paints a vivid image of a world that we in the West can hardly imagine, and have most certainly never experienced. There are sometimes phrases that may not be standard 'Western English', but I think that gives charm and an appropriate 'voice' to this book. Backed with real pleasure.
BADD

A wonderful opening chapter leads into a book that breaks new ground in so many ways. The exotic nature of the locations and the informative nature of your writing on a subject that few of your readers will have personal knowledge of make for a fascinating read. I like the structure of the book, chapter lengths in particular, and even though there's some work still to be done on punctuation, this is such an interesting premise that I read all your posted chapters with pleasure. Backed for encouragement of a very different and exciting writer with a great story to tell.
Jared.

Which made Peter to shiver even more?

Cut out the then's, even's, still and the writing would become far tighter.

A helpful example, you wrote. It was then he froze as he realised that his troubles for the day were far from over.

Try, He froze when he realised his troubles were far from over.

It's just my opinion and I'm new to this too. But I have learnt so much from others on the site from listening to their advice.

I see a lot of promise here though.

Shelved

Melxx
UNICORN (crime/thriller)

H., it's breath of fresh air. It's beautifully described and imbued with emotion. It's the very opposite of trivial. Backed. Lynn

H
I've always wanted to visit Africa and now Zimbabwe is of greater interest.
The dreaming of a better life is universal and you handle it with an exciting grace that is so attractive.
and also filled with such sad moments.
Well done!
best of luck with this!
-=Bradley

This is a fascinating, enjoyable read which makes a whole new culture accessible, it educates and is well written. Shows us the frightening reality of a drought. The endings are strong and the short chapters and good dialogue keep it moving. Love details such as the 'Khaki book'. I wish all the best with it. Backed.
Christina
From Under the Bed

This is an emotional visit to (what is to me) a strange country. I like that cliffhanger line "then it happened..."

Reminds me of the old fuedal system we used to have here where the Baron or Squire would never want for anything while the peasants toiled often hungry. England is never short of water though (it's raining now!)

I enjoyed reading about a country I have only heard about on the news, and the strange customs you outlined in your pitch. There are some editorial glitches and mis-spellings.
Well done
Shelved
Frank