The Man Who Needed Killing

This is pearl polished.

Mark R. Trost
"Post Marked."

Susan, You've got the background to write about Oklahoma, and what a splendid idea to set your novel in the 1930s. This has to be one of the best title / cover / pitches combinations I've read on the site, all quite outstanding. I only wish I'd spotted this book even earlier as I've been missing a rare treat.
I'm in awe of your talent as writer - this has to be published. I rarely "gush" about books I read here, but this deserves every accolade I can give it. Well researched, beautifully composed and a story-line that takes hold of the reader and won't let go.
Backed with admiration.
Jared.

Once in a blue moon you can stumble across a book on this site that hits all the right buttons at the same time. The Man Who Needed Killing is one of them for me. The title is clever, the pitch grabbed my attention, and the opening is riveting.Joe is a character that appealed to me right away - honest and mindful of his responsibilities to Adele and Timmy who he adores. I want to read more about him and his story. No critique, I'm afraid - this is fine and well polished work, and you should promote it harder to get rid of that undeserved red arrow! I'll be happy to back you for a start.

You had me at "deadly brown snow". Actually, you had me on your pitch. You open with those little details that show a writer's expertise. Subtle, and smart. I'm surprised I haven't heard of this story before. Poor Joe.
backed
Genevieve
Under the Same Sky

AWESOME. After a few paragraphs, it is self-evident that this is a masterpiece, a flawless gem. Everything about this is perfect: atmosphere, characterisation, storyline... I kept waiting for it to go wrong, but it didn't. Shelved, Mrs C, and I sincerely hope you find a publisher soon.
Frank

you paint a very real world here, it seems to leap from the page with a vividness that made it easy for me to become involved in the plot.. Joe is a good solid character, one we can root for - Backed and best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

Incredibly addicting. Very disappointed to see the "incomplete" tag. Dare we hope for more? The dust of a bygone era on every page. This is a new fav.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

Plain and simple, Folks,

The Man Who Needed Killing is a book that needs reading. Pitch perfect throughout.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Hi Susan,

really compelling story here - I've only a few observations. Mixed fonts between the prelude & chapter 1, in the industry at the moment, prologues and prelude titles aren't liked. In this case I think it works but keep the font consistent.

kudos to your research & backed

Rob

I was interested by the pitch and premise. The setting looks intriguing. I read the first couple of chapters and it's good. I reckon you could edit it a bit, maybe chop out some awkward sounding sentences. However, I had to back this, purely for the use of the word 'busticated' -- what a truly great word.

I adore the gritty, noir feel to this. There is a dark hopelessness to the opening chatper, and it drags the reader in effortlessly. You have clearly put a huge amount of work into this, and your attention to detail ad polished prose pays dividends.

Backed with pleasure!

Abi xxx

Exceptional writing. Reminds me of Cormac McCarthy and maybe a little Steinbeck.

Delighted to back.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Oh - this will move move move up the rankings - so very good! You have real gift for descriptive prose - polished! BACKED

LIZ
The Cheech Room

You are doing so well with your book. I am glad I found your book to be backed. Love the story. I would love a backing in return, if you think Bamboo Promise is worthy. Tthank you for your time and I wish you all the best!

Hi Susan,
Backed! I believe the same thing happened a few years ago with a town bully, a shotgun and a pool table. FBI was called in and to my knowledge they never did find the one responsible.

Now onto the book.

Great jacket , prologue and descriptive writing. I could almost feel the heat of the dust bowl. It's obvious you either have first hand knowledge of that era or have did quite a bit of research.
Nit-picks:
The book's jacket is what drew me to your novel. Unfortunately the title does didn't. This may only be a personal preference.

The reference to the badge on the sheriff''s shirt worked on its first use. The repeated use so soon after was somewhat jarring.

Best of luck,
Ray

This is a clever detective story: a man trying to solve a crime no one wants solved. And doing it without the help of CSI. Good reading. BAcked. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

What a great story. A good old fashioned murder mystery with your own unique twist, throw in a period for I which I have rarely read about and you have a story which immersed me immediately.

This is great writing and fresh story. Great pitch too.

Jo xx

Spoilt

Sue, I enjoyed your Prelude and Chapter One. Smooth reading. I also think your title is very catchy. I choose not to nitpick anything. Good work.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Backed! Joss M. (A Bore No More)

You had me hooked right from the beginning. The background, the period and the narrative are all spot on.
The crime and the victim are well chosen, who wouldn't want that man dead, and I very much liked your sheriff. A well conceived charater.
Backed with pleasure.

This was a plain enjoyable read. Backed.

I like this. There's a great atmosphere to it. I could hardly wait for the Judge to get his.
Minor point ... would someone in authority use the telephone to break news of a husband's death? I suspect a personal visit would be the correct protocol.

Love the setting, love the dialogue - backed with pleasure, Sana x

What a name Ozzy or something i love the name and i love the way you write - very easy to read. backed

shah

Susan: I don't know how I've missed this book! I've written about this era and love what I found in the research, so it's great to find the time and place once more. All best with The Man Who Needed Killing and I'm shelving it straight off. Cynthia Drew

The title drew me in--it's a saying I heard many times growing up in Texas. The prose flowed well. Nice, specific descriptions, too. Your study of writing shows!

The descriptions were excellent, and I could have quickly become caught up in the story, except that I only reading because I so hate to come to a stop rather than an end. Backed.

First class writing. Captures a complete sense of time and place. Backed.

Brian - The Brotherhood

This has a convincing feel of place and era – you also managed to communicate that oppressive heat on this cold day. Joe is nicely drawn. There’s a subtlety to your characterisation, which leaves us wondering. I liked the feel of your prologue (those words alone – boxcar, hobo – effervesce with association), but your writing does feel more relaxed once we get into the chapters. I shall have to go away and play Woody Guthrie now.

Hello Susan, this is terrific. I like the down-at-heel dusty Joe the local sheriff, once in the pay of the hated deceased as he goes about fitting together the whys and wherefores of Judge's murder. I particularly like the setting - the Great Depression in America. I'm intrigued by the hobo character of Ozzy making his way into the story and how he must figure in the story.
It's an ordinary story, but the detail is beautiful and the characterisation is pitch perfect enough to bring the reader into the plot. BACKED
Could you take a peek at mine? Chris1

A dynamic read with all the elements that grip the reader from the first word to the last. Charcters and diolouge create a exellent voice build with a that is unique. C W Shelved.

Hi, here for our read swap thingy :)

The first thing that struck me about your book is how professional it feels, the read is smooth and nothing jarred - it's better than the *published* book I'm currently reading, which I may even give up with shortly.

The title and pitches are excellent, drawing your reader in straight away.

Your characters are well dran, especially Joe, who I felt really shone from the page.

I don't nit-pick, but would have nothing to offer here if I did.

On my shelf and good luck.

Bests,

AP
(The Awesome Adventures of Matty McDuff)

This is excellently written. You have all the elements here. Smooth writing, well thought out story, good pacing, great intrigue, emotive scenes.... Wonderful stuff here.
Happily backed.
Tracy
The Guardians

Chapter one: I believe it is "...to be shed of him." You said "...to be shut of him." My daddy is from these parts of which you are writing and he always said "shed of".

I LOVE this work. It is simply brilliant. There's nothing to say to add to this although, so far, I have read only chapter 1 but I will be reading all of it. Some people do need killin'. I view it as an "RTU": return to unit as in return to sender, as back to God, you go settle it with him. Great work. I can suggest nothing to improve it.

Loving regards, Callaghan (The Shouting Tree)

This is pearl polished.

Mark R. Trost
"Post Marked."

Susan,
your title caught my eye, the pitch encouraged me (one comment on that; I'd take out 'One day') and the writing didn't disapoint. Some lovely turns of phrase and ideas: that sleeping hobo's are tuned to the slowing down of a train, that the weather owes them a cool day, busticated, the 'Hey good lookin' - watch got cookin' exchange...
The writing flows, the dialogue sounds absolutely right, and the characters are easy to connect with.
I'm very glad I came across this.
Cheers,
Simon

Wasn’t entirely won over by the prologue but once the story begins there’s much to admire. You’ve evoked the atmosphere of the time and place superbly. I particularly like all the observed details which have the feel always of scattered clues – a perfect device for the investigation of a crime. Also how you’ve shown the characters etched into their landscape – Adele at the pump for example. Yes, this is very fine writing and an engrossing story. Big thumbs up from me.

Original, atmosperic and masterfully crafted!
Backed!
A look at mine would be appreciated.
Frank, Sicilian Shadows

Susan,
Cover: I'm surprised...sort of that you don't have a designed cover with text. But then...neither do I heh.
Still I like the image...hate that they're so small. I want to see his face!
Short pitch: I think it good and am interested in the choice of 1935 as the setting.
Long pitch: A mystery/thriller with some historical fun...good! and I'm onto the text...
Text: I love the opening image, Love it. Of course...when I was making low budget movies...the first one that hit the festivals was called...toenail. heh. I also v much enjoy that the main characters name is Ozzy...and not just because I was a Black Sabbath fan. You don't come across it much and its great fun to read.
busticated heh...nice.
yes...I love your name choices.
I think your research must have been both thorough and great fun.
Best of luck with this!
-=Bradley

Ambience and tone are perfect, every word rings true. Joe is beautifully imperfect, but imbued with all the classic western attributes. You write very well and with economy. If I was writing this (which I wish I was/could), things would slowly build to an enormous shoot-out in Chapter 8. Fortunately, it's you writing, and I can't wait to see how it turns out.

An interesting cover and the contents inside do not disappoint. A good historical account containing atmospheric descriptions and an intriguing plot. A book that deserves a place on the shelf.

Backed,

ww Lisa

Hi Susan, I had to look up top to get your name and when I realised a woman wrote this I was taken back a little. I don't know why, it's just the writing came across kind of masculine, maybe because the characters mentioned so far are all male and extremely realistic. Its really strong writing, I got a feel for the town, for Joe and his predicament as the town marshall and for the ignorant judge. Your narration is really good, I got a hint of small town America in the narrators tone and it really helps with the mood of the piece. This is a really strong set up, a man killed who has so many enemies and a town that just wants shot of him. Enjoyed the read so far and on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

The hobo in the Prelude is very well drawn and, from his perspective, you were able to make insightful comment on the people who lived, unlike him, with a permanent roof over their heads; the insight being that in many respects which the latter might not comprehend, they had the more constricting life than the hobo enjoyed.
Joe's and Lloyd's language registers were each very appropriate a reflection of their occupations and character types throughout the opening dialogue which, itself, neatly carries the information about the shooting without cumbersome backstory.
The discovery of Judge Cooper is not for the squeamish but its rawness lends credibility to your storyline.
Learning that the vicar took the news of the Judge's death pretty lightly, there is already a shade of suspicion over one who would seem beyond suspicion - not that he is culpable of homicide but you have the art of dropping in suspects, perhaps as a decoy. Whether intentional or not, it worked that way for me and kept me on board.
If I'm proved wrong as I read on, then the more reason for reading on. Backed
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Susan:

The Man Who Needed Killing deserves to be on the editors desk. Superb writing with an original and interesting plot.

Backed with the best of luck,

Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

This is compelling reading. The dialogue works; I can almost hear it in my head. The pacing is right. Since setting and time-period are a major part of the plot, it's important that you spend time describing and setting them up, but you don't spend too much time. It never gets in the way of the flow of the story (with the possible exception of the prologue; I got to chapter 4 but didn't start it, so I saw that Ozzy will be coming back into the story, but so far, he doesn't seem relevant except to add detail to the setting).

I like Joe and can pull for him, but at the same time, I can understand the motivations of the people in the town who all know more than they're telling. One thing I was particularly impressed with is the number of characters you introduce in the first chapter. There are a lot, but I didn't feel overwhelmed and I could remember who they were when I saw them again.

Couple of word choice questions:

When Joe goes to interview Matt, you have "Matt said, his voice flint" and then soon after, "Her eyes were flint," and then you have "face etched in granite." I think you want to get rid of one of the flints, and I don't know whether the granite would have bothered me, except that I'd just been thinking about flint.

I think Barbara gets called a soft woman at least twice, and then when Joe talks to her, she's soft, the way Joe talks to her is soft, I think some other things are soft. This is fine if it's intentional. I think I kind of even like it because it shows what Joe thinks of her and I suspect there may be more to her than Joe realizes. But if it's not intentional, I thought you should be aware of it.

Finally, I think you may know this already, but please don't take all the 'had's out of your book. What's being referred to in some of your comments as "passive voice" is in fact the pluperfect tense and is a perfectly legitimate part of the English language, useful to differentiate between the immediate past, what you write your story in, and the more distant past, like yesterday. If you take out, you will start to lose the distinction. The pluperfect and progressive tenses are getting a bum rap on Authonomy and I've taken it upon myself as of this moment to defend their honor.

I decided to read your chapter 5 upload. I was pleased that I could follow the story even reading out of context. The descriptions are well done - I particularly liked how you put the words together to show how he got the rabbit - mentioning the slingshot and then the rabbit over his shoulder without weighing down the text in the actual acquision. I also particularly liked the ending of the chapter and how you forshadow in the final lines. Nice work.

"The deep front porch looked like only wishes held it up." What a wonderful line. Your Prologue really doesn't do the rest of the work justice. I read chapters one and two and skimmed the others. As a former history teacher, the historical topic made me want to see your take on the Great Depression. From what I've read, I think you've done a good job showing the affects on people and the small town, in particular. The sheriff is definitely in a catch-22 positon with the judge who has taken advantage of a terrible economic time.

For consistency sake, consider having the prologue and the chapters in the same font. As it stands, they aren't. And take a look at the last sentence in the prologue about women. I wasn't sure if the metaphor really made sense. It wasn't the comparison of a woman to furniture that got me, but the words that preceded it: entrapment, chains, and something else. Those words just didn't seem to fit with furniture. Look at it again and see if it really expresses your point. Perhaps it does and it's just me.

Good luck with this fine work and I look forward to hearing from you for your part of the read swap.

Natalie
Death and Destiny

The Man Who Needed Killing:

I love books that bring me back in time and you did a good job keeping me interested through the first two chapters. You have a good ear for dialogue and characters are well drawn. I like the way Joe looks forward to spending time with his wife and young son.

In chapter two you have about five paragraphs, four one after the other, beginning with ‘Joe’. These are all easy to rearrange if you wish to do so.

I like the way Adele’s teeth are a little crooked, makes her more real, and I love Joe, and his interaction with Timmy.

Will give this a spin on my shelf.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Dear Susan Brassfield Cogan,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I love your premise; you’ve already built sympathy for your protagonist by giving him a thankless job. Also, the backdrop of the depression is quite relevant, unfortunately. Really great pitch. I appreciate the active verbs, such as the land “looked pounded by the sun” and mummified. You begin with the delightful portrayal of a hobo’s thoughts, which made me chuckle. Next comes a flowing conversation between the sheriff and another gent, and I like how he’s immediately in a tight spot, knowing he’d have to arrest the abusive judge one day. Not a position I’d want to be in. The judge reminds me a feudal lord of the town. You waste no time in draining every drop of sympathy from the judge. You complete the sympathy package by having the sheriff mull over how he couldn’t enact justice or his family would starve.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your story even more exciting by drawing out the declaration that the judge is dead. It comes out a line or two faster than I would’ve liked. See if you can’t draw out the suspense here a touch longer.

This small matter aside, I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Susan, You've got the background to write about Oklahoma, and what a splendid idea to set your novel in the 1930s. This has to be one of the best title / cover / pitches combinations I've read on the site, all quite outstanding. I only wish I'd spotted this book even earlier as I've been missing a rare treat.
I'm in awe of your talent as writer - this has to be published. I rarely "gush" about books I read here, but this deserves every accolade I can give it. Well researched, beautifully composed and a story-line that takes hold of the reader and won't let go.
Backed with admiration.
Jared.

Sure, I'll put you on my WL, but I'm also a bit behind with my reading. I like your title though and the promised action sounds good.

I was hooked by the Prelude (how could I not be when my favourite author is John Steinbeck). The narrative is evocactive and atmospheric, and the story develops like a friendship.
Backed
Ian Gosling - Lying to God

Your writing immediately took me back into the past, and as the writer before me commented, it is very polished and professional, as well as being descriptive, though not at all overdone. While this isn't something I would typically pick up on a bookshelf, it made me think that maybe I should get out of my old stand-bys!

Once in a blue moon you can stumble across a book on this site that hits all the right buttons at the same time. The Man Who Needed Killing is one of them for me. The title is clever, the pitch grabbed my attention, and the opening is riveting.Joe is a character that appealed to me right away - honest and mindful of his responsibilities to Adele and Timmy who he adores. I want to read more about him and his story. No critique, I'm afraid - this is fine and well polished work, and you should promote it harder to get rid of that undeserved red arrow! I'll be happy to back you for a start.

I wish I could offer you something to help you make this better but nothing popped out at me indicating the need.
A well written tale.
MickR - The Nightcrawler