The Duke of Bourne

Only six chapters ? You leave us hanging in the air with our hero recovering from mystery attackers . . . .more,more ! :D Great stylish language, put very naturally - I shall be adding to my Stretching Bookshelf Thread !

At last, a decent Regency romance equal to the great Georgette Heyer's, with an engaging hero and a considerable number of subplots. One's cup is flowing over. The dialogue is accurate and natural, revealing both character and plot, the history is unimpeachable and Ferdy's discomfort palpable. Shelved with ease Jaye

Hi J F, The drawing room conversation went straight to Ferdy's discomfort at first and pulled me right in. It was wry and brought out the personalities of these people - taut writing and convincing of the period. I liked how these social "coming outs" and the scandal were tossed around while Ferdy's presence was felt. And then his conversation with Lionel - it all made me anticipate Ferdy's having to encounter Miss Penkith and the London scene. Well-delivered! Easily shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

DUKE OF BOURNE
This is an interesting story. You obviously spent a lot of time researching this era before you ever touched a finger to your computer and it shows in the way you’re able to describe your settings and characters down to fine details. Being able to do that is the key to making historical fiction come alive. You have a good main character in Ferdy; the idea of a man being pushed into selection a wife is an ageless theme so is relevant to today as it was in Wellington’s time. I’m happy to add this to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 3rd place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Thanks to all you lynx-eyed typo-spotters! Corrected, I hope.

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond, yasmin, I've not been on the site for a while. Thanks for backing me.

Energetic and armed with delightful characters

backed

Could you point me at these typos, Iva, and I will correct them? Glad you liked the story overall, and great that you've backed me.

I was rather discouraged when I encountered typos in the pitch, but, inside, the writing is pretty good. Very good characterization and skilful dialogues. Backed.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

I was rather discouraged when I encountered typos in the pitch, but, inside, the writing is pretty good. Very good characterization and skilful dialogues. Backed.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Energetic and armed with delightful characters

backed

Thanks for your kind comments - yes, this is only a first draft from the original idea - I expect the wordiness will be smoother when edited.

Nice idea written with a certain degree of panache and style....I think you could tighten up the text even more and make it more concise so that both narrative and dialogue flow a bit more smoothly...otherwise this is an enjoyable read
Good luck
Stewart

Nice idea written with a certain degree of panache and style....I think you could tighten up the text even more and make it more concise so that both narrative and dialogue flow a bit more smoothly...otherwise this is an enjoyable read
Good luck
Stewart

Love it. Backed.

The only serious problem I've noticed has been articulated by a previous reader:
"...rowed steadily shorewards..."? Where did THAT come from? Is it a thought you forgot to develop? Or is it from another book altogether? :-)

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From The Beginning)

Yes, originally he was rowing on the lake - when I transcribed, that paragraph must have been lost! Thanks for picking that one up - the lake may go back in or not.

I've thoroughly enjoyed this read.
It has the Regency cadence, and the dialogue reads true. And the last sentence of the last posted chapter suggests that there is action ahead (you sly dog!)

The only serious problem I've noticed has been articulated by a previous reader:
"...rowed steadily shorewards..."? Where did THAT come from? Is it a thought you forgot to develop? Or is it from another book altogether? :-)

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From The Beginning)

This is a great story! It is obvious you have spent much time crafting and polishing this! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Great fun! Taking the story from Ferdy's angle is a lovely Heyeresque approach, and you've set up a fine array of plot threads, from romance to mystery. I'd happily read more, since it can be quite hard to find a Regency whose author actually knows the period as well as the conventions.
On the suggestions side, there are rather a lot of characters to keep track of, and I wonder if you might want to throw in a few distinguishing marks or habits (leitmotif sort of thing) to make them each more distinctive? You have to some extent already, with the shy smile and fine eyes, and you'd want to be wary of overdoing it, but I think you have some margin yet. What else? This reads rather like an early draft, with rough spots waiting to be smoothed, like the double adjectives 'clever intelligent', 'short dumpy' and a few typos and missing words.

Thanks for your story, J F. Hope you'll read mine, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not & my unedited version, Tell Me True Love Stories of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.
Please back my TWO books.Thanks, Susie :)

What a very interesting read this is! I was drawn by the title and the pitch and the story proper is so wonderfully descript and polished! Excellent style and BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

I’ve read ten paragraphs and I’m in love. I love this book. I love it. I would buy it, read it, devour it. You paint a brilliantly vivid picture, but I’d be very careful not to overdo it. Some of these descriptions are slightly overwritten. Like here: “...the Dower Duchess concluded in a flat tone dead monotone....” I think this just may be a typo, but I wouldn’t use “monotone” and “tone” together. Use just one, I like “dead monotone” best. You do it again in the next sentence. “...he said 1) mechanically, 2) in a colourless voice...” I’d drop the second part, because you already described the mother’s voice. But if you say “mechanically” it isn’t just the sound we are hearing, but the attitude as well. And I like it.

“Amongst her faults was a certain degree of deafness but it did not suit her mood to have any changes to plans she might have made.” I really don’t know what this means. What I want it to mean is that she is deaf to plans that do not suit her. But that’s not what it says.

“The colourless lady gave a titter of laughter.” Not laugher.

I’m a tad confused as to who all these people are. Who is Ferdy? Her companion is a hired companion, yes? Not Lionel’s wife? Who is Letty? Lionel’s wife? Who is Mrs. Scallion? I think you need to account for all these people.

You have, nevertheless, the bones of a phenomenal book here. And I mean that. PHENOMENAL! I know a lot of people, published and non-published, but mostly published, who write Regency era HF and HR. Please polish this up a bit and then let me know. I’d like to look at it again. And I’d like some of my friends to see it. Would you? And message me. Don't reply to the post, or I won't see it.

I've read enough to back it. Good Story.

BD Nelson
Abigail's Cries
Scorned

I'm putting this book on my watch list to read more. Sounds like a good book.

BD Nelson
Abigail's Cries
Scorned

Good premise and dialogue. I'm a big lover of historical fiction so I'll tell you that Dower Duchess sould always be Dowager Duchess. The only time Dower was really used was for Dower House, where the Dowager Duchess would live following the death of her husband. I look forward to seeing what is next.

Meghan

Famlavan -
Thanks for your comments and backing the book. "Strong narrow shoulders" - I was trying to give an impression of a tall young man, quite thin, but with an appearance of being stronger than he looked. The only sound in that opening scene is Ferdy's mama droning on and on and on!!!! lol

It was the short pitch that hooked me in!

In the opening the term Strong narrow, conflicts a little to me, not an image that springs to mind sorry. Also I would have liked descriptive sounds in the narrative just to ground the story a little bit more (that is my preferred style though). HOWEVER this is a great story, great characters and great dialogue, enjoyed this immensely – good luck with it.

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

PB - thanks for your input - yes, chapter one is a little too crowded. I need to take a close edit on that, to make sure you want to turn the page to chapter two. The clothing - well - this was written off the cuff, so to speak, because I wanted to tell Ferdy's story. Editing and a careful attention to detail will tidy up the clothing and mannerisms, I hope. Thanks for the encouragement, anyway

This is not my genre, so I can't offer advice for improvement, but I'll back it anyway.

Thanks for that, Bob, I find I'm reading and commenting on all sorts of things I would never have considered my genre.

I don't know a great deal about the genre, but it seems to me this is much better written than those I have seen on this site before. You will want to go over the punctuation and all that with a fine tooth comb: there was a can't without the apostrophe, a lack of consistency with paragraph indentations, and hyphens in word combinations which require it, and one should not send it off without having seen to those things.

Your main character seems unlike the alpha males which often dominate in Regency Romances and that is a fine thing. The diffidence, the uncertainty, the wry humour and the home-sickness for Spain and for his regiment, these qualities make him more than the usual cardboard cut-out.

I did feel that there were just too many characters in the opening chapter to get a handle on and it wasn't always clear which of the ladies was speaking. Also, you may wish to cut back on your modifiers because some of them are redundant: in the phrase 'flat tone-dead' either one or the other would convey your meaning quite adequately. A little later, 'mechanically' says it all and doesn't need more.

A couple of historical pointers: he would have worn black boots, not brown, probably Hessians - they're not full height, and there is a tassle hanging off them. But if it's evening, he will not be wearing boots; that's afternoon or informal dress and he will have been required to dress for dinner. So shoes.

Also, I assume he was an cavalry officer? In which case, he will already dance very well. Wellington insisted his officers danced like gentlemen. (Dancing into Battle by Nick Foulkes will give you plenty of information on that.) And the waltz was introduce to London society by the Princess Esterhazy in the autumn of 1812 - don't know how that will affect your story.

But I liked your mc very much. Best - PB

The Duke of Bourne is is a well paced easy to read story that finds the idiom of the period to perfection. I could empathise with Ferdy and his situation, and it seems to me that this will hit your target audience smack in the bullseye. This is not my genre, so I can't offer advice for improvement, but I'll back it anyway.

Yes, it is complete off Autho, but not in a form suitable to add any more chapters at the moment. I will try and get back to it to give you a bit more romance!

Hi there :)
I always comment from a reader's POV and don't nit-pick any technical stuff, I hope that's okay?
I like this, had to read a bit more. Ferdy is a good MC, I could feel his discomfort in trying to fit into a life he didn't really want. I like the element of mystery, it makes me want to read on. And I'm dying to know if he's going to find that romance, I think he just might. You write well and evoke the feelings of the period. I'm going to read on, is it complete off Autho? In the meanwhile, on my shelf :)
Bests,
AP
(Matty McDuff)

Hi there :)
I always comment from a reader's POV and don't nit-pick any technical stuff, I hope that's okay?
I like this, had to read a bit more. Ferdy is a good MC, I could feel his discomfort in trying to fit into a life he didn't really want. I like the element of mystery, it makes me want to read on. And I'm dying to know if he's going to find that romance, I think he just might. You write well and evoke the feelings of the period. I'm going to read on, is it complete off Autho? In the meanwhile, on my shelf :)
Bests,
AP
(Matty McDuff)

Hi there - Georgette Heyer is one of my favourites so as soon as I saw this was Regency, mystery, romance - I was in! I have read the first 2 chapters only as I have little free time today. My only nit - in Ch 1, you refer to the character speaking in a flat tone dead monotone - it sounds like maybe you were going to use one or the other but left both phrases in. I will be back to read more. Backed!

I'll go back and have a look at that - I think what I meant was "flat tone-deaf monotone"! Thanks for backing me.

Hi there - Georgette Heyer is one of my favourites so as soon as I saw this was Regency, mystery, romance - I was in! I have read the first 2 chapters only as I have little free time today. My only nit - in Ch 1, you refer to the character speaking in a flat tone dead monotone - it sounds like maybe you were going to use one or the other but left both phrases in. I will be back to read more. Backed!