Will of God

Hist Fiction group review
This is a highly skilled piece of historical writing. The 17th century scene is pitched perfectly and I love the descriptions of the characters - the old man with tufts of hair and Weird Mary particularly. The 'accident' is brilliantly conceived and written. I'm completely involved when those accusations about the whole family start to fly.

Very minor - I wondered about the parents reaction to what had happened. We are in the first person and I thought the father would have a more emotional reaction to what his boy has done (accidentally or not!) and to what weird Mary said. I wanted his mind to be buzzing all the way home. One line from Elizabeth 'He did not intend to hurt her,' Elizabeth interjected - seemed too formal for the situation and also I wondered why he calls her Liz and Elizabeth at times. He seems to think of her as Elizabeth.

I would certainly want to read more. The writing is excellent.
I hope you'll get a chance to look at The Licenser - same period, but set in London. I'd love to know what you think of it.
All best,
Kate
The Licenser

Hi Kevin, I have only read a couple of chapters of your book, but it is a very well written historical tale. From the beginning, the reader is caught up in the grip of the unfolding drama. The language and culture of the story reflect the period, and would certainly attract those who appreciate historical fiction. Well done.

Dear Mr. Clark, Finally finished your manuscript (see my comments, earlier). An outstanding read, about a little known period and life-style, with a great plot. 6 stars and my bookshelf. You say (or said) that you want strict criticism, so here goes: I think you should not have left all of your surprising twists and secrets to uncover until the very end of the book. For example, you might have told us more about the Indians, at times throughout, (the change of scene is too abrupt, total, and disconcerting. Our minds are still in Marshfield.) And given us a hint of the shocking discovery (veiled, of course), especially in the case of a character we have come to love and trust. Just the absence of welts on her back is not enough. With your skill, we could have known more, without us knowing that we knew it. Or, you might have expanded the last chapter or two (maybe including the start of their trip to Virginia, and let the final secrets be revealed (or emerge) more gradually. The best mystery writers know how to do this, though I have never learned all their tricks. As it is, all of our haunting wonderment comes after we finish the book. Fortunately, I am a very slow reader, and tend to think a lot over every sentence. But it's a shame, here, that most of my thinking was after the book was over.

Chapter 4: "I would not be surprised if his widow and child are eventually be returned..." perhaps just the insertion of "to" before "be" or just leave "be" out.

Ch 5: "But my grandfather was notorious troublemaker." Insert "a".

Ch 6: This is your first and almost only mention of the Doctrine of Predestination. As an ex-prof of this period, I know that that Calvinist doctrine affected most of their speech, actions, thoughts, and lives, in the Pilgrim and Puritan Colonies, much more than it does in your book. It also explains why they respected the people successful in life, so much. (I was shocked when one of my students of the period accused me of trying to convert my class to Calvinism, when I am as far removed from that faith as a Christian can be; I am Orthodox Catholic.) But, maybe to do much more than you did would make a completely different, and crashingly boring, book. (As these notes are.) But just a smidgen more? "Predestination" explains why the child might confess to murder whether or not it was true. Confessed and forgiven sins did not necessarily mean you were predestined for Hell. (And you should capitalize Hell; it is a place-name, like "London", especially to Puritans and Pilgrims.) Predestination was dropped within three generations after your story, and replaced by Congregationalism or "Free-will" Presbyterians and "Free-will" Baptists.

Ch 8: "Trek" was popularized as a (Dutch) Afrikaans word and the colonists wouldn't have known it, so it is jarring to those who know, even in a descriptive paragraph concerning this period, if in the first person. By the way, the Pilgrims were well aware that their group had lived in Holland for 10 years after leaving England, and left the Netherlands which shared their faith in order to preserve their English language in the New World as much as to avoid persecution by returning to England. (When England BECAME Puritan under Cromwell, very few went back there. After the Restoration, a new batch of Puritans came from England, but most settled in Massachusets Bay.) I'm sure you know all this, but it is slightly misleading in your book.

Ch 16: "...the door, which I had spent many hours planing and sanding." The last word should be "scraping"; they used an adz, because they hadn't invented sandpaper.

Ch 17: You were right to use a period word like "betimes" in your descriptions as even the descriptions are given in the first person. I wish you had used more such words.

Ch 18: "I remember hearing Pastor Brucknell talk about Hell once...give off no light." This is said by a six year old boy, and this paragraph, I think, is too complex, reflective, and coherent, for one so young, even with the aid of memory.

Ch 19: "Instead, stepped closer..." I think the word "she" should be inserted.

These proposed corrections are far fewer than I would hope for concerning my own manuscript.

Egon Richard Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents
Historical Fiction Readers Group

P.S. Your "about me" is a bit inaccurate. English Common Law, in effect where no specific statutes contradicting it exist -- -- most states -- -- is that "Under seven, a child is never responsible; between seven and 14, he is presumed not responsible, but the contrary can be proven; over 14, he is presumed responsible, but the contrary can be proven." As a lawyer, I have had much use of this point. And 13 year olds are not serving "life sentences", anywhere. Their cases are reviewed by Juvenile Hall (or its equivalent) for their conduct while incarrcerated, at age 17 or 18. And almost all are released.

Dear Mr. Clark, Have read 3 chapters so far. Is on my WL. You certainly capture Puritan New England. (I taught an elective on this period at West Point, and made use of Bernard Baylin's "The Puritan Dilemma", and several other studies.) Plus I have read all American Lit on the period. (I'm fully aware of the differences between the Pilgrims at Plymouth and the Puritans of Massachusets Bay, though by the 1660's they were minimal.) So far, not only have you got the period perfect, but youru writing, including your plot, is excellent. Am hoping to add stars and a bookshelf when I get really into it.

Quibbles: Pg 1 should be "the oldest man among us". "Eldest" is only between two men. Also, ch 2, "he was an Anglican who supported the Church of England" is redundant, and obviously so to all Anglicans and Episcopalians. Also, ch 3, when the pastor quotes King David, I think the Pilgrims and Puritans still used the KJV, which reads "...from whence cometh my salvation", etc. With all the "Thee's" and "Thou's". Some still used them in their daily speech, though many did not, and I know that you don't want to cause your readers to stumble while reading dialogue. But even in my youth they were used when citing Scripture. Am looking forward to the rest.

Egon Richard Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents
Historical Fiction Readers Group

Will of God. A Hist.Fict. read.
Your revelation about US law under 'About me' is riveting and shocking. I wonder if this should be incorporated somehow into your pitch, to make it that much stronger?
I take notes as I read, but do not pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. I am immediately transported into those quaint old-fashioned times by the dialogue, which I am sure must be authentic. There are one or two typos, which are easily remedied, and perhaps you could avoid repeating 'day' on the first line of the second paragraph.
I can picture old Thomas so clearly with the tufts of white hair that looked like the feathers of a newly hatched cygnet. Great simile.
That word scythe is repeated rather often. Perhaps you could devise ways to avoid it - 'I wiped my brow'. would be enough reaction to Jonathan's voice, for example.
Your style is vivid and natural, conujring up clear pictures, and drawing the reader into the scene with interesting details, and the narrator is becoming a likeable, dependable fellow.
Writing in the first person does mean there are rather a lot of 'I's which can become tedious for a reader. Also, beware of repeating other words: loons.
Perhaps something like this could be written, which might give you something to work with.
'From the banks of the Marsh Pond, the loons were making their laughing calls... With the days growing shorter and the nights cooler, they would soon be gone. For a reason I could not speak, their departure each year filled me with sadness.'
Then a dramatic scene unfolds and I am carried away. You describe the accident and the reactions of the people with meticulous and vivid detail. And a touch of philosophy is thrown in.

Ch.2. You have joyful and enjoyed within a line of each other in the second paragraph.
The narrator's thoughts are true to nature, and profound in their simplicity. And I like the way he tries to equate his life with biblical principles.

Ch.3. You introduce the backstory in a skilful way, and the narrator's problem looms ominously. The questions of the young are indeed probing, and profound.
'Mrs. Whyte began to keen loudly, from which even the gusts of wind could not save my ears.' A great turn of phrase, and a poignant scene.

You have clearly done much research and the scenes you conjure up are vivid, and natural, charged with emotion, with much food for thought.
This is a very promising story. You need to do some editing, but dont we all.
I enjoyed the read, and will come back for more.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

Hello,

I’ve read three chapters and it was a very good read.

Your scene is convincingly set – the spoken language, the frequent references to god, the Mayflower mention and the insightful bit about how working the scythe affects the hands all help put your reader 350 years back to where your story takes place.

You introduce new characters very well, too. When they make an entrance – the Whytes, Weird Mary, the blacksmith and the pastor – they immediately feel like an inherent part of the presented world, and have all their separate voices.

I like your imagery, the way it’s sparing yet very effective. I had a clear picture of Will working in the full sun, the heat growing, and then the description of drops falling off the leaves due to wind also immersed me in the scene.

The central conflict is engaging to follow; it’s yet another time in my authonomy experience that I regret not being able to have the story printed out on paper. I’d definitely give your book a full read.

A couple of tweaks I’ve got to point out:

When Will is talking to his wife, the line “Perhaps it will not matter, perhaps Dorcas will recover.” might confuse the reader – it’s not readily apparent whose statement it is. You should know what I mean once you’ve taken a look at the fragment.

The closing sentence of chapter 3, “I sat still upon the log, and wept for the little girl who had so lately run about playing in fields of grass, and was now sealed forever beneath them.”, is powerful, but I feel that its rhythm works against its force. The commas and the repetition of ‘and’ disturb the flow. You could also split it in two – whatever works best to fully capitalise on what you already have there (I’m very fond of the sentence).

All in all, Will of God is quite a remarkable piece.

Kevin

In Will of God, Will's voice sounds completely authentic to the time period of the novel. You've obviously done a great deal of research. Reading, I feel that I am in the hands of someone who knows of what he speaks. You've tackled a fascinating subject which still bedevils us today.

I think the quality of the writing is excellent, and my only suggestion is to not let yourself get carried away giving the reader too many descriptive details that may slow your pace. Although you might want to consider that advice in light of the fact that many readers find my writing too tight!.

I think Chap 4 is particularly well done. Tension builds and there is surprise as well. Plan to read more as time allows.

Ann Warner - Absence of Grace

Fair critters review - This is very good writing and you use the first POV deftly and with expertise, though it does mean it will take the reader longer to get a full picture (a sense of solid characters) of both his wife and son. Having read the first 3 chapters, my only constructive criticism would be the need for chapter 2 - which halts the flow of the story to give background information - when I think that information could be easily conveyed in chapter 3(and is) when the Pastor stops for supper. I can't say I am a fan of historical fiction, but I can recognise a good read, and this is certainly that. Good luck in getting this to publication. Jake

Hi,
This is a very good period historical novel and achieves its end by having pace and fluent style.

You asked for comment on whether anything interrupts the flow. Here goes:

As a generality, try to take ‘had’ out of most sentences:
‘The day before a cold mist had hung over the fields, chilling our hand and feet as we worked.’
Becomes: ‘The day before, the cold mist hanging over the fields chilled our hands and feet.’
Why? It is more immediate and brings the mist into the readers head rather that looking back.

‘with striking tufts of white hair on his head that looked like the feathers…’ could be:
‘with striking tufts of white hair, looking like the feathers…’ Clearly the tufts are unlikely to be anywhere but his head and the word that is also superfluous.

I do understand that in historical fiction the genre demands a certain voice but cutting all superfluous words is always good.

I enjoyed reading the first chapter, it is a damned good read you know.

The above of course is only opinion and not rules, so ignore the comment if you wish, what do I know anyway?
Backed.

Backed Will of God. What a traumatic experience for a six year old! This trauma is carried over to both sets of parents. We think you’ve done an excellent job of setting the tone for that era. Best Wishes.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Backed Will of God. What a traumatic experience for a six year old! This trauma is carried over to both sets of parents. We think you’ve done an excellent job of setting the tone for that era. Best Wishes.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Backed will of God. What a traumatic experience for a six year old! This trauma is carried over to both sets of parents. We think you’ve done an excellent job of setting the tone for that era. Best Wishes.
CC Brown
Dark Side

A terrifying story. The reader is hurled into the past with all the injustice.

Backed.

Tons of luck with this.

Joanna.

This is incredible, beautiful, moving, provocative, spiritual. You took me back in time. The stage is set for conflict, the convergence of so many passions in such a hard place. What a treasure. I plan to read this all the way through.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

what a fine story and an interesting reflection of contemporary life. Some things never change. Good writing filled with good descriptions, and your subtle style accurately traces the mood of the period.

Backed

Scorselo

A beautifully rendered period piece, atmospheric and well written. One's heart immediately goes out to these hardworking people. Then tragedy threatens to tear the community apart. The magistrate scene is wonderfully dramatic, reminding me of Arthur Miller. Very well done.

Kevin, since reading those first chapters, I have read the entire book, the first one I have fully completed. The tension in the story kept me reading, I just had to know what was going to happen next. This is a finely crafted work that tells a real story, with an excellent twist right at the end. The vocubulary is consistent right through, and apart from some minor grammar issues which I could count on one hand, is fine. This book is firmly the best I've read on this site, and as soon as I finish this comment it will get backed.
Xavier
BOUNDARY LIMIT

Kevin, I've read three chapters, which is two more than I intended to read. The book pulled my in and I have had to make a mental effort to stop reading it now as I have other things I need to do. But I will definately be returning to it and fully intend to back it, I just need to clear my bookshelf first. This is powerful stuff, you have the language for the time spot on, as well as the atmosphere for the people who lived there. So far, this is one of my favourite reads. I did notice a couple of minor issues; there is a disconnect in chapter 2 around "I said." Then it looks like his wife says the next sentence "Perhaps it will not matter perhaps Dorcas will recover." Then it seems she says the next bit which doesn't seem right - "Perhaps," she said, as she wiped a tear from her face. Then in chapter 3, During the prayers however AS I sensed the eyes - don't need the AS. Finally when talking to Jonathan, he says "will not go to THE Heaven" don't need the THE. Aside from that this is a seriously good read.
Now, in return for this and the continued read, I would like you to go take a look at Boundary Limit. However, I am starting to not believe in automatic backing. If you like the book, then by all means back it. If you don't then tell me why as constructively as possible.
Thanks

Xavier
BOUNDARY LIMIT

Kevin,
Did you make the change this agent requested because you thought he/she was right? If so, fine. I skimmed over the first chapters again, looking for examples of what I meant and decided you did express emotions, but not to the extent I would have. But that could just be the difference in our writing styles.

I realize that the religious people of that time were probably a lot more self contained then we are today, They were stoic, for sure. And that would fit in with your writing style. Them not expressing a lot of emotion. On the other hand, here's an example of where you could have shown a little more emotion.

If I remember right the wife is asking her husband if the little girl is going to be all right. They are outside their house at that moment. I would have had the wife gaze down the road, or over the field, a worried look on her face, as if fearful the authorities were about to show up on their doorstep. it would show the reader she is anxious about the situation, without her having to express it in words. In other words show the emotion by actions your character takes.

In any case, you've got a great story and don't change anything others think need changing unless you feel in your heart they are right.

Fair critter critique
Kevin, I'm on chapter 8 and enjoying your story very much. I consider myself somewhat of an expert on this time period in MA having done much research on it, for my own books and because of having innumerable ancestors from the plymouth area. I love reading books from this time period, so I am favorably predjudiced toward your book.

Your voice is authentic. Your period dialogue is authentic too. If I had to criticize one thing it would be that in many dramatic moments in your story, especially those ending a chapter, you miss the opportunity to show the reader how a particular dramatic event effects your characters, achieving this by use of emotion. You seem to skip over it which I think is a mistake.

I also would have like this story to be told in 3rd person instead of first. I think it would have added a lot of flavor. I find first person very limiting. But having said that, you've done a good job using first person.

You have managed to hook me with your story and I intend to read the rest of your chapters. I would definitely buy this book, so I am backing it.
Sandra Davidson - COLD MOON RISING

Kevin, I don't know this period of history very well, but you seemed to have done a good job in capturing the language and the setting. The frequent biblical references, I imagine, are spot on. In short, your first chapter felt authentic. One niggle. The last sentence of your pitch is a question - wouldn't a father naturally do so? Why not make it more direct - 'Will risks everything he owns ..' just a thought. Best of luck. Backed.
Shaun
The Six Acts

Good story, good voice, excellent read. Worthy of an audience. Backed.

Great story told in a clear and consistent voice. I've only read the first 3 chapters so far but will return for the rest. I especially liked the sudden nature of the accident, the way it intruded on the idyllic nature of the days work.
Backed.

This is very well written indeed, the style is quiet, unhurried, straightforward, and appropriate to the period in which it is set.
But the pitch does not tell the whole story, and we are shocked later to find that this is not simple at all, and what appeared to be a case of boy has accident, comes to trial, has the resources of his simple family set against those of an unjust and well-off family ....... is not a simple case; there are unexpected twists to come which I. for one, certainly did not foresee.
To say more would spoil it for others.
I back this without reservation.
RT.

Will of God – “Fair Critter” review

Sorry this has taken me so long. Hopefully it’s worth the wait.

Pitch:
Nice short pitch, sums it up in a tidy little package. Will Billington is an interesting name—right away I wonder if you chose the “Will/Bill” combination for a particular reason. The long pitch works well for me, too, except for one sentence: “Will and Jonathon are from a poor family ...” Something about that one is jarring me. Perhaps there’s a way to rework it to include the rich/poor information more smoothly.

Ch1:
I imagine one of the biggest challenges in historical fiction is achieving a voice that’s both authentic and readable. At the start, I have that “old-timey” feeling of everything being a bit formal, but as I become immersed in the story, that sensation might fade. It also must be tricky to avoid slips into more modern language. The phrase “slacked off” caught my attention—it strikes me as not fitting the time period, but I might be wrong.

One suggestion is to watch out for redundancy. Most of the paragraph near the start discussing the prior harvests and food rationing seems unnecessary given the subsequent dialogue with Old Thomas. (Also, a typo: “And if the hunting is as (the) good as the harvest...”)

Also, carefully consider how and when you slip in background information. The accident has a sense of urgency—I mean, a little girl getting her throat slashed is a big deal—so tangents into how Will is proud of the house he built feel a little odd and out of place.

Ch2:
I’m not sure what’s accomplished in this chapter. The sidestep into a history lesson about the settlement and Will’s grandfather feels like a distraction out of nowhere. At the end, I see the point of it—the family is about to return to its former status as outsiders—but I just don’t feel the tension as I should.

Perhaps it’s due to the difficult balancing act you’ve taken on—Will’s faith against instinctive doubt and fear. I would suggest either more fear, building the tension to the moment those fears are realized, or more faith—full confidence that all will be well, which he then has to reconcile when reality blindsides him. What’s the scripture? Be either hot or cold, because if you’re lukewarm, you’ll be spit out.

(Capitalization typo with “Liz, It is not good...”)

Ch3:
The story picks up more here, and I’m beginning to feel curious about how it’s going to play out. I would like to feel more of Will’s emotions. Mrs. Whyte’s stride puts fear in his heart, and he weeps for Dorcas, but I don’t feel it. Part of that may be a challenge with the “formal” language of the time period—finding a way to authentically convey emotion within it.

Overall, this is a very clean piece of work (which is why I went ahead and pointed out the very few surviving typos), and I like the premise a lot. Insiders and outsiders, blame and forgiveness, faith and vengeance ... lots of great concepts at work here. I hope some of my notes are of use to you, and best of luck.

After the first five chapters, I am really enjoying this so far. I am going to read more, but for now I am also backing your book. I think your writing style is very accessible, and the story so far is well paced and enjoyable.

I found this book rivetting. The characters are beautifully described and the story well paced. Backed.

Dear Kevin Clark,

The Will of God is an absorbing and beautifuly executed story.

Well done, good and faithful servant.

Backed and best wishes.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

The first chapter is eventful. It quickly sets the scene & we meet the characters through the events. Both shocking & emotive, it hooks the reader & links with the title of the book. Will of God is welcome on my shelf.

Hi Kevin ...

A good solid novel with an unusual yet original story line. The plot is developing and flows well, though not at a fast pace. I found the accident to be a little lacking in drama, whether this is intentional only you will know.

As a none believer I did not find the texts from the Bible to be distracting, or off putting, as has been suggested. What I did find difficult was the dialogue. I presume you have intentionally written in this style to be in keeping with the period and mode of speech of the Pilgrims. I feel once you have suggested how they speak, it might be better to use contractions as the dialogue appears, in places, unrealistic. I apologise for my pickiness. 'Backed'. Regards ... Duncan

Hi Kevin, a most enjoyable read. Sorry, I can't add constructively to tisseurcontes excellent review above, which I've just read.
Very good writing. Backed with pleasure, Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Fair Critter Review

Kevin, I read your "About Me" page as well as the pitch. If the purpose of the book is to provide social commentary of the rightness or wrongness of trying minors, as the "About Me" info seems to suggest, this is not stated in the pitch, nor was it alluded to in the parts of the book that I read (chapters 1, 2, 3 and 23).

You write very well. I found both your narrative and your dialog very readable and natural. You display an excellent knowledge of the Bible, which is essential to this work since quoting of Scripture would be a normal part of conversations for your characters. I only noticed one quote where I wondered what translation you had used because I couldn't imagine any making the change that you have in your text (it was in chapter 2 and the quote was from Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God. . ." -- you had ". . . to them that fear God".

In chapter 3 there was one paragraph that I felt was partly repetitive and could perhaps be removed. It began with, "He smoothed his hair with his hand. . ." Take a look at it and see what you think.

Granted, I didn't read chapters 4 - 22, but if they are as well written as what I did read, then I assume that chapter 23 is, in fact, something of a surprise ending.

I'm wondering who you see as your target audience. Would non-Christians be put off by all the biblical quotations, or would they take it in stride as typical of the language of the period? I don't know. I am a Christian, so I felt quite comfortable with the language. But I found it difficult to get into the story. I like both historical fiction and a good murder mystery, but I found this personally depressing from the moment of the accident/murder (and even more so when I read the ending). Bear in mind that I prefer comedy to drama, so it may be me and not the book. But in most murder mysteries, the dead body is usually (not always - I know) either some one that you don't know or someone that is totally despicable. Here it is a little girl (whom we really don't know - true), but from the beginning we know that the "killer" (by accident or intention) is a 6 year old boy for whom we immediately feel sympathy (you do a good job at that btw). The situation on which the book is built seems to me to be an unnecessary exploitation of children. I don't mean that quite as harshly as it sounds, but almost.

I'm really sorry to be so negative. I will say that I think this is a book that will not leave the reader indifferent.

On a more positive note, I read the pitch of your other book and it sounds very interesting and more in my area of interest. (I think I will take a look at it and see if I can leave more positive comments.)

Again, this is very well written, and if you have a clear view of your target audience, it could do well

Best wishes,

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

Lots of imaginative vitality in the evocation of the setting and elegant eloquent prose makes it immediately engaging. I really like the first person narrative. The research is impressive and has been weaved in without any stitching showing. The story itself has great potential as it provides the means to investigating the different philosophy of cause and effect that prevailed in rural communities all those centuries ago. I found this worked on every level – character development, plot, prose and design. Thoroughly enjoyed.

Thought provoking and horrific and written about a time when such things were commonplace. Your writing style and dialogue reflect the period with no jarring modern day references. Backed K.J.

Ok...as a mother, I have a really hard time with the idea that anyone would consider trying an average 6 year old for murder no matter the time period. Was there something about Jonathon that would raise flags? Did accidents seem to "follow" him? And why wouldn't Will fight for his son? The boy is just a baby. Even to question whether he'd "dare" makes me dislike Will right off the bat.

I did not click on "read the book" because I found too much to argue in the synopsis.

Hi Kevin. Wow. Your synopsis grips, holds, and carries to your novel - easily and quickly. Good structure, good consistent writing. I like it when I can disappear into a story, and just go along with the journey.

sincerely,
jim
jack & charmian london

This is a very interesting premise for a story, Although fiction very believable for the time frame. Backed. Lisa

Written with great skill and sensitivity, given the subject matter.

Philip John

I'm sure I read this before, but I had to come back just to make sure. Man, what a tragic accident. Poor Jonathon has got a terrible burden to carry around. "Satan must have tempted him" said the mother, but still it happened . Unfortunately, the rich little girl dies. Then, of course, all hell breaks loose. What had Elizabeth done and what will Will do? I'm glad you uploaded the complete text. I can come back and read the rest when I get a little time. Backed for now.

You have captured the language of the period exceptionally well. You must have spent a great deal of time doing research. Very well written. Happy to back. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

The prose was authentically archaic; that subtle heavy-handedness that brought vivid imagery of aged proselytizers whose only Word was the Good Word. It really is a wonderful read and I certainly have no objections to backing such a beautiful piece!

Best Wishes,

Angeli Pidcock
The Journey of Excalibur

Your writing is excellent for the period I felt taken back in time and felt the language to be authentic. I have only read chapter one as time is short for me today but am easily persuaded to back it as your story is beautifully crafted and is a book I could happily curl up with. I cant find a single nit and I am sure this will do well.
Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you can spare a moment to take a look

Kevin. Your style of writing is very true for the time. It gives credence to your most engaging story - just the sort I would like to curl up in a chair with and read right through. As it is, the chapters I've read are a good historical slice of life. Glad to back this.
Backed,
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

I love anything historical and loved the way that I was transported back through the centuries whilst reading this. The opening is excellent with the talk of the harvest and makes one realise how important the harvest was then. A bad one meaning rationing and it was good to read that they would not have those problems this time around. The characters are immediately likeable and the descriptions brilliant. Backed with great pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Being a saint or a stranger could be prejudicial if facing the wrath of two very influential families.Thats the dilemma for Bill Billington in this excellent drama depicting the first settlements of the New World. Dorcas Whytes was accidently killed, and Jonathon Billington faces being punished, and hangings sometimes go horribly wrong.
Will Of God is a testament to the absurdity of the death sentence as a means of justice, because in the New World it is a spectacle, where a braying crowd laugh and chant for entertainment.
Great writing, extraordinary foresight in showing us that we are one step away from savages.
Backed with pleasure
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Greetings Kevin, Your well-written pitch led me to "Will of God," and I read your first chapter with pleasure and admiration. As a professional editor for many years, I was first impressed with your mastery of the craft, then found the narration clear, well paced, and true to its place and time. Your first chapter brings out all the essentials--the main characters, the accident, the peril for Will and his family. I'll continue to read this impressive novel, but will back it at once in utter confidence that it should be published and read by many.

I wish you'd take a look at my novel "The Doctor of Summitville," also historical, also about a person whom fate has placed in jeopardy. It's a love story against a background of country medicine as practiced in olden days. Your impressions would be most welcome. Best of luck, Bill

You have very cleverly foreshadowed the terrible events to come, with strong characterisation and genuine dialogue for the century you are depicting. You bring the difficulties of harvesting by hand to life; I hadn't realised how much personal pain was involved. Juxtapositioning the blacksmith's predicament with the son's is also an excellent start. This is good stuff.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

Will of God
You've a good pitch, and the writing is well written
Backed
Lenny Harry
(Like a dot on the horizon)

Kevin, in your pitch it helps to tell the reader rather than ask them questions. If there's mystery as to whether or not the father will risk everything put it differently. Statements have more impact than questions and will impress editors and agents with your understanding of what it takes to pitch your story. Screenwriters do it all the time, the ten second pitch.

Watch out of context language such as 'slacking off' which jars.

It's a good story, hope it does well.

Bayonne

This story kept me gripped from the word go. Heartbreaking yet compelling and a really good story. Backed with pleasure. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.