Blood & Gasoline

Backed and rated.

Cat
Twisted
Lies & Love

ch 2- great opening. thre dialogue is realistic and helps build the tension. a very original situation to show what constitutes a good day for them, the begrudging way the father shows his concern for his son.
the paragraph about land in colorado sounds off to me. what's missing from the line about "all the land they could see" is the idea that it's a lot of land. maybe 'land as far as they could see in all directions' would get it across better.
typo- 'pugged' instead of PLUGGED
tense shift: cody 'awoke' but then everything else in this paragraph is preseent tense.
try italics instead of underlining?
there are a lot of short scenes here and it's making for a jumpy read.
love the scene where he write on the notepad. might be more believable if cody tells his aunt the scribbles were illegible. the way he says 'othing' makes it clear it was something.
if the aunt was the mother's sister, he's only her 'ex-brothr-in-law" if cody's parents were divorced.

Wow. Your book was on my WL and because last month got so hectic, I have to assume that I either promised you a read or just plopped it on there in anticipation of a time when I could read here again just for pleasure. Either way, I was riveted immediately and again into your story. It is easily one of the best here, for its evocative nature, the images that you leave seared in the mind. The juxtaposition of the baby monitor with Cody's parenting of his cars...the character of the father, so impressed on Cody's character that he's able to see him in the mirror... the the insistent building of tension here, with so much that we eagerly anticipate. Why the monitor? Why the pills? What has happened to the mother? You have a narrative voice that I love--wise, somewhat objective, able to pick out the perfect detail or image. A gift with characterization and describing the inconsistencies of human foible. I love this and am happy to have revisited it and will be adding to my favorites list. Best of luck to you.

---Mary

This is great writing, Elias, I have read the first 3 chapters and will definitely be back for more. For now, highstarred and on my WL, will back soon. Vall (Midwyf)

This is right up there as one of my favourite finds on Authonomy. The writing is so strong from the very start - you drop us right in the middle of the hell that is Cody's life.

I'm not a car guy at all - can't even drive - but I really enjoyed reading about Cody's passion for it. I get it, I think - what it represents. It's that hope of being able to get someplace else. As I read that I thought 'This reminds me of something. Something good. Something I love.' Then it hit me about 2/3 into the first chapter - it was like a Springsteen song: Racing in the Street mixed with the whole of the Nebraska album. I don't know how you'll feel about that comparison but given that Springsteen is more or less a diety to me I mean it as a compliment.

The only thing that I wasn't keen on in the first and second chapters was that Cody cries quite a lot, 3 times I think. It shows his desperation but I think having it occur so often in quick succession saps some of the power out of the image.

Chapter 2 is also fantastic stuff though. Avery is a complete bastard but such a great character. The note he struggles to write to Cody is both malevolent and hilarious.

I wasn't sure about chapter 3. Yes, I fell in love with Perla and wanted to protect and marry her but at first I wasn't sure whether what happened to her should have come so early. I felt like it would have more impact if it were hinted at for a while and then came later. But later on, particularly in chapter 6, it's quite necessary to the plot so there I withdrew my reservations.

I really enjoyed the bar scene, Cody and Perla reaching out to each other across their pain. The dialogue was great and everything so well balanced. I left them there after that chapter and I'll have to come back to find out how they get on. This is one of the few books on Authonomy I intend to read in its entirety. It's really engaging and so well written. It's penned in for a future stay on my shelf too, of course.

All the best with it,

Ross

i'd cut the last line of your long pitch. i think you need something there but this line is too vague and almost cliche.
your writing is really strong. the opening captures my attention- great details, great flow, i like how the reference to his hesitancy to answer the baby monitor makes me think he's an irresponsible father.
i get a bit bored by the car talk in the next section, which could just be a personal prefeerence. cars don't interest me. the connection between the car and his father seemed weak. you may want to work on that transition.
lots of good stuff here and the kind of story i love to read. good luck.
i really liked the comparison of the kind of pain his father could inflict.

Elias, what can I say? This is powerful writing, and it's swept me relentlessly through all nineteen chapters. The tale is gripping--Cody doomed to care for his thoughtless sick father, to remember the abuse of his mother and himself, and to finally achieve reconciliation with Perla's help. The dramatic conclusion has no match for emotional impact. I suggest, however, that you edit it one more time for a few missing words and minor flaws. For instance, "lead" should be "led" three times in Chapter 5. But the writing is fluid, apparently effortless, and the characters step right off the page. "Blood and Gasoline" will be on my shelf tonight.

I hope you'll take a look at "The Doctor of Summitville" and perhaps tell me why, despite many glowing reviews, it has failed to pass the hundred mark since July 2009.

Best of luck, Bill

This story starts with some extremely good description, - things like 'cracked and stained driveway' and 'greasy, busted gaskets.' Even the sound of that last phrase helps. Later, 'bright red, movie-red trail of blood.' Very, very good.
Cody's desperation and despair is evoked so well a little later, the part beginning ' he wanted to steer the car off a cliff.....' And then later, the depressing spiritless life - 'When the old man was done with his microwave dinner, he balled up his paper towel and dropped it on the floor and turned the television up a little louder.' Even the long sentence with the clauses joined with the 'and' s, using repetition of the mundane to exaggerate the hopeless.
You switch to Avery's point of view in the middle of the second chapter, and that great long sentence is just perfect.
Elias, this is a brilliant story. I think you should look at entering literary competitions.
Marj.

You have a powerful first chapter here. Cody's predicament in having to look after his father is taking its toll on him. Obligation versus a deep resentment/possible hate eating away at him. And with just a brief look at his father I can see why. He is horrible, but realistically portrayed. You don't overdo anything here. The short snapshots of the old man, the way he speaks and Cody's thoughts tells the reader all they need to know.

Cody comes across as a tormented character. But, although he has been abused, he doesn't come across as weak, but shows some backbone. He doesn't willingly drop everything every time his father barks, such as seen when he ignores the baby monitor for a bit. He also bites back at his father. Even though Cody has thought about suicide he is a stronger character than he thinks, the very fact he doesn't top himself just to escape the old man also showing this. However, the hurt that his father has inflicted upon him is so strong that Cody seems to be hating himself even more than his dad, which is something abuse victims experience.

I think you've created a very good MC in Cody, someone the reader can feel empathy for. In relation to your structure and wording, this was perfect. There was nothing I could suggest to fix. It flowed well, was easy to read, and kept my attention. All the best - Marita.

I started reading (first 4 chapters) your Opus and I would like to comment before I forget what I was thinking while I was reading.

The first thing that I noticed is that even thought this is told in the third person, I don't have a mental picture of Cody
for ex: "his face round and about, the hair a mush, the pants showing the grease of oil stains"
that would suffice

"He knew......"
this is very well done....the obsessive repetition of "he knew" shows rather than tells the emotional landscape of Cody. Throughout the first chapter you have all this repetitions (i.e. he would....) that tell the reader that we are in front of a self lacerating character whose guilt persecutes him like an open wound......

nice

by the end of the chapter even though you have not made any description, we have a prefect understanding of Cody's emotional make up. My advice then is do not mention once his guilt by name.
Why? You have already shown it so, why name it?
If you describe it without naming it, you evoke it......that is far more emotionally powerful

The second thing I notice is the lack of place. We know where he is but do have a mental picture.
Now here you have a wonderful device that you can use to amplify the damming mood of the narrative.

that is make the sense of place ......damming.
for ex: "the sky was gray, getting grayer, nothing but dust rolling down the avenue; not even dogs spit on it..."
it would add to the film noir feel of the narrative

Here are some of my favorites:

"he would wax it and buff it until it gleamed with its own light"

"the dead thing that wouldn't stop talking"

"post shooting euphoria"

"this time the silence was good"

"rivulet of bright red blood"

"even a monster is better than a discarded husk"

"the little pinball of love"

"with a scowl permanently affixed to her face"

With all this wonderful verbal devices you come up with, my only wish is: can I have more?

There is one or two faux pas (sheetty coffee......" c'mon you can do better!) that jump on the eye only because the narrative is so flawless, is like dust on porcelain

overall, this is wonderful,
5 stars for the time being

david

A very strong, very sad story... with a protagonist I can feel real sympathy for.

I came and read your book on the recommendation of Jackwracker. This is marvelous, though chapter three made me cry. You have a wonderful ability to describe the scene. I lived in Texas for a number of years, and would pass many of those trailer parks. The first two chapters was liking driving by and but being able to look in. I now truly care about Cody and Perla and find this to be a story that I want to read on.

Yes, I agree with the good crits here. Tight writing with no lack of skill. The relationship between father and son is delivered in spare snatches so you don't overload with narrative information. Only read two chapters so far but that's enough to back. Nice job and don't stop. Jack.

Hello, first may i thank you for your backing of my book and to say I hope you will consider leaving it on your shelf for the required, just over 24 hours, so I can benefit from your backing, but if you cannot, I am happy to know you enjoyed it enough to back it.

I can feel a real good writer in your work, but also feel you are choking him with too much information the reader won't want to know and will skip over, or give up on. That is, unless they are a car enthusiast. Your first page/chapter, is your showcase, your chance to draw in your reader. Don't bog it down, get to the point and hit them between the eye with the characters and their situation.

You have it there, you just need to delete or drastically cut all that weed, which cloggs it up. My advice would be:
1. Gain the maximum impact by starting just before the father speaks with something like:

Cody stepped inside the trailor. He shouldn't have washed up first. He should have answered the demanding, flashing light of the monitor. He ducked as the twin to the one he'd had stood next to him as he tinkered with his beloved car, fell from the shelf. His father's hated voice stopped him from retrieving it, (then go into what his fater said, keeping it all until you get to the tears. (powerful stuff, well done)

This would make an impact on your reader, it did on me. It showed the two characters and their past and present in a moving, frightening way. Go for it.

Then, as you progress with the edit, cut all the mundane detail to do with what has been done or needs doing to the car and keep the reader focused on the relationship and the predicament of the characters, just bringing in odd snippets of the rest if you think it is important to the story.

Look out for the passive voice. Usually if you take the sentences where you have used 'was' and read them through you will see you are describing instead of letting the action happen. Here is a re-write of one of your sentences which demonstrates this:

The miserable old man had him tethered to him by a medical grade, plastic tube.

I hope some of this helps as you are a very gifted writer and your story promises to be moving and powerful, two great ingredients for a best seller. I am rating a 4star as it is. Let me know if you do decide to do an edit and I will re-visit to upgrade that ranking.

In the meantime I will wl your book for now, but it will get air time on my shelf. I have so many I have promised I am getting to them and I want to leave them up for the 24. best wishes to you, love Mary

I am happy to back this Elias. There's a great relationship between father and son, realistic dialogue, an uncomfortable atmosphere and plenty of threat. My only comment is that as a reader I felt slightly distanced from the events rather than caught up at all times. No doubt editing will deal with that.
Good luck.

Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

Gritty, powerful, touching - all the ingredients for a great book. I empathised with Avery's struggle to come to terms with his illness,and the interaction between him and Cody evoked great emotion and pain, which you have captured perfectly. Backed Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

A very interesting title. It urged me to see what this book is about. You don't disappoint. Well written and I had no problem relating to the characters, sypathizing with Cody or wanting to strangle his dad.

Best of luck with all of your novels.

Suz

This is extremely well-done. Your descriptions are truly captivating, and I know this will find success. Just from the beginning I feel the tension between son and father, and I believe a lot of readers relate to this kind of a strained relationship. Early on, I get a clear sense of the clear and intriguing voice you have and the start of a personal journey of validation your MC will embark on. I feel a personal connection to him and his situation. This kind of story will always be valuable to our society, and I wish you all the best with it!

BACKED,

CSAndersen

Elias, I can't excel any of the strong comments on "Blood & Gasoline". Just have to back it.
David Grant,
"Pompey Chimes"

Dear Elias Anderson,

Blood & Gasoline a combustible story that doesn't let up, but leads to redemption. Amen.

Backed and best wishes.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Wow is all I can say. Remarkable storyline and incredibly well-written. You portray such sympathy in Cody; I wanted to smash my fist into his father's face as well, what a sad excuse of a human being. I looked up towards the middle of the first chapter to make sure this was fiction; I couldn't imagine someone living through this.

Worthy of the editor's desk as is!
Denise

Would you mind taking a peek at my story "Road to Redemption: From Cop's Daughter to Convicted Felon?" Any suggestions are always appreciated. I do not expect a return backing, just asking you to take look if you don't mind. Thanks

I like your style of writing very much. The uncomfortable relationship between Cody and his father is handled well through realistic dialogue . The pace of the novel is great and the setting leaps off the page. Good Luck. K.J.

Very impressed with this. The terse, tense writing, the way we are right there with the MC, not with you, writing words on a page. The first paragraph sets the tone and the atmosphere and somehow encapsulates a hook, a reason to go on reading, and the voice in a short paragraph. The dialogue is good. The scene with the girl giving him the bag is trim and to the point yet creates a complete visual in the mind. Just the sort of writing I like. Well done. Will be happy to back this at next shelf change (and go on reading) this one.
Polly
STONES.

Dear Elias


I would like to commend you on the skill you have and the imagination and the talent in writing this work of art
of yours. I wish I had half of your talent. Where does one get such original work like this, such a gift. I feel sure you
feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also
getting this book of your published. ( I wish I had half the talent some of you have on this site)

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Dear Elias, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed my memoir book, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." I really appreciate it. :) Could you please take a moment to back my other memoir book, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I will be #17 to put your book on my watchlist. :)

What a beautifully written book with some of the best description I've read on Authonomy. I could feel Cody's anger and pain. This deserves to be published. Backed, with pleasure.

Carol

Elias, this gets better as you get into it. clean writing, no wasted words.
on my shelf.
my only thought, and it is merely a thought, is that you might prune the opening ch by 5% or so. i'd like to get to ch 2 a tad sooner. no quibbles at all re ch 2. i settled in; your writing took over.
best, andy

Elias,

Shit. This is good--as in publishable good. I'm a fan of Brett Easton Ellis too and there's something of his style about this, but it's sparer and more homely. To me, an Anglo-Aussie, there's a southern feel to this.

Anyway, I have no constructive criticism (the nearest thing to a nit I have is that I don't think you need the elipse in the long pitch): backed with pleasure.

Painful, raw - and breathtakingly good. Cannot wait to finish this, but pausing to shelve right now.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

HI Elias

Very powerful writing. I love the way you make it clear how working on the car is the only thing that brings meaning and structure and beauty into Cody's laugh. You create a world that is so real and powerful and immediate and the relationship between Cody and his father is very well depicted. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Compelling, credible characters. Intense, evocative narrative. Powerful dialogue. Fast paced. Backed.

you've have an excellent voice, tense, intense, gripping filled with suffering. well written.

Backed Keep writing

Scorselo

This is a good fucking read-my type of book-lean, well-crafted, stylish and honest (which is what I value most)...you should read a book called Jernigan by David Gates given your taste in reads I think you'd dig it. Steven

This is solid, lean prose. The opening scene of Cody working on his car during the coming storm is well done. You really put the reader there. The storm is a nice piece of symbolism externalizing Cody's emotions. Everything is so 'concretely' written with telling detail that I wish I knew the make and model of the car he's working on so I could better visualize that chrome grill.
A well done piece of writing with strong characters. Backed.

Blood and Gasoline's first chapter should appeal to anyone with a strong interest in old cars, mechanics, and the sad ass relationships between fathers and sons. Backing ASAP.

F. Ellsworth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

Elias,
Your story rings too true. I cannot say this is good--it's far too painful and right on target. I've had too much experience with death and dying, cancer and ventilators, hospitals and nurses, people not handling any of it very well. Who can blame them? No one prepare you for these scenarios. This boy doesn't know it, but he's doing great so far. I hope this has a happy ending, because it is painful and horribly sad. Maybe the girl in the stairwell will be able to help. Your writing is superb. Best of luck with this.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

I found this a well-written, tense and painful read. Tight, claustrophobic and inescapable, full of pain and regret ... but with a possible salvation at the end. Very well done.
RT

Blood and Gasoline

I read the first 3 chapters.
A good introduction. I liked the description of Cody under the car, enjoying his work and feeling his car was part of himself.The sweet sound of the engine is ruined by the baby monitor light. He's annoyed and is slow to react. I was concerned, because being a baby monitor, I'd assumed a baby was at the other end.
I sympathised with Cody's reluctance to break off from something that was importanrt to him, but I wanted him to hurry and was annoyed with him. Then when Cody returned to the trailer and has things thrown at him and is sworn at by his invalid father, I had much more sympathy. I thought his father may have dementia and therefore had only recently become so aggresive, but Cody thinks back to his childhood and I realise their relationship has always been like that. Good imagery and your descriptions (eg "fat drops of rain") helped me picture it all.
My sympathy goes out to Cody and as he waits at the hospital and only his mother's sister comes to visit, we see how unpopular Cody's father is. Cody's statement about his father bringing his bad health on himself, the death of his mother and the animosity the family feel towards Avery. Were these things connected?
Perla is introduced at the hospital, as she watches Cody crying. She's a caring person who has been abused by her uncle and doesn't dare go over to comfort him. You end Chapter 3 with hope that Cody and Perla will meet next time "Perla thought about him...not knowing that soon she would see him again."
This is a great start to your novel. I've sympathy for Cody's predictament and you portray the father's illness and physical vulnerability well, with details of his second rate oxygen tank, the tubes and pills and the frail, weakened body.
You also raise many questions that the reader wants to find the answers to. We realise Cody's father is still alive, even writing an unpleasant message about the aunt on scrap paper: so what will happen to him now and how will Cody cope with his care? Also, will Cody and Perla talk together when she sees him again? Will they be able to help each other?
Based on the quality of these three chapters, I will back this book and wish you good luck in findiing a publisher.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca

Interesting story line with good descriptions and it hold my interest. Good Luck with your book.
I’m backing your and your books effort.

Elias -- First of all, thanks for the back, and thanks for bringing me thereby into your own tale. You have a gift for emotional lyricism, an instinct that links different objects of love. There is the odd sentence that's too long, gets away from you a bit; and I think you can concretely identify Avery's affliction early on so it's not some amorphous misery afflicting Cody equally, though afflict him it does. But the car-work and time's degradation of design can work as a powerful metaphor for the human engine. I will back this, with my best, Dave

This title is very interesting and the plug flows right along with it. Backed!

Rob

Dear Elias --

I suspect your are well on your way of making your dreams come true. Blood & Gasoline evokes the styles of Russell Banks and Richard Russo while putting forth your own fresh voice within the family drama. The rhythm of this story is superb, and your characters authentic and increasingly sympathetic even as everything falls apart.

Two small suggestions:
In chapter one, get rid of the opening 2 paras that form a sort of prologue; you don't need them. Just start in with "At the beginning of the summer..." (para 3). That way you bring us into the story and show us what's going on instead of telling us something we're going to find out later. You might tease out a piece of the opening paras for the pitch -- some reference to the scars or the fire or both -- but I felt strongly you didn't need to open the story with it.

Avoid going for easy with descriptions. You don't do this often -- in fact, your descriptions are usually quite superb, but I found several instances where I wanted a little more color. For example, in chapter 2, you write, "The old man laughed his mean laugh." (para 3) I felt you could have described that laugh a little more, especially as it is an opportunity to provide a little more backstory between Avery and Cody. Is it a low and throaty chuckle, dirty sounding? Or a short explosive noise that always makes Cody jump?

Anyway, I say all this because your story is excellent, and I would like to see you take it as far as it can go. Regardless of whether my suggestions are useful, I am still very happy to return your backing! -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

Nice descriptive writing, and the kind of hard-boiled style fits your characters well. Happy to back this for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

Elias,

Descriptive, gritty writing supported by solid storytelling. Backed.

Best regards,
January

Dear Elias, I love your shared your story - I did, too, in memoir. May God bless you. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

I found Cody's angry to be the most compelling part of this. Anger for what he is father was, did and the demands he was now making. I know the rage I experienced when my male parent ( I won't use the word father to describe him) in the same situation demanded attention and respect and affection, emotions and attitudes he'd never shown anyone else in his entire life.
I found Cody's reactions reasonable and very human.

My family has dealt with disease. I indentify.

Good luck,
John Wickey
Future's End

Hi Elias,
Sorry it's taken me a while to get to this.
I have a very mixed reaction here, but it is only my subjective opinion. However I hope the comments will be useful. Some of your writing is excellent -eg - the picture of him going to 'wash the frill with a toothbrush' / 'the first few fat drops of rain' /'a pink plastic anomaly' / 'he wanted to drop the car into reverse and back out of the driveway, the trailer park, his life.' You paint a very clear picture of the father / son relationship (and the use of the baby monitor is a winner). However, I feel this is marred by over-writing - a few examples - 'he wanted to choke on the stench of his own searing flesh' / 'knew this car like he knew his own heart' (it's the heart reference which gives the impression of over-writing here. In my opinion, comparing it to knowing himself would be fine.) / 'lording its simple perfection' seems very ott in relation to a monitor. / ' ...perfect harmony.. it explained to Cody the universe...' definitely ott.
I think you need to be careful also of the images / comparisons you choose. The bit about parent's knowing their own child's cry isn't true in my experience - for the most part we can't tell whose child is wailing when there is a group of them, without going to check - in any toddler group I've been to 'whose is that?' is a recurring refrain.
You undoubtedly can write effectively, but, (in my opinion) need to be ruthless in cutting out any extravagant images.
Hope this is useful,
good luck with it,
Margaret

A model for literary fiction. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures) A few words are more powerful than many, just like a dollar means more to have than a penny. It's getting late and I just felt like writing something.

Hello, this is a copy and paste comment as I am extremely busy during May and June with my Creative Writing edits and have no time to take notes and comment in depth in my usual way.

I have read a chapter of your book and am backing it because I love it - like it or can see potential.

In the spirit of the site, if this is a return read, thank you for your backing, it is much appreciated. If not, I ask that you might find time to take a look at my book, An Unbreakable Bond. There is no need to comment, unless you feel you must, but I would be grateful for a backing if it falls into any of the above categories for you.

May I also recommend: Impeding Justice, by Melcom

It is a fast paced thriller and is hot footing it to the eds desk. Let’s help this hard working, dedicated site member to achieve this. Thank you, my every good wish for success with your work, Love Mary.

PS: Do forgive me for having to do this, I will be back in force in July and if you particularly want an indepth comment, email me at mary.wood18@yahoo.co.uk and I will do my best to oblige.

Blood and gasoline, excellent premise and enjoyed. Just wanted to quickly make a point about the first paragraph, you have the subjects missed up so that it doesn't read clearly. You start with the baby monitor go off to other subjects and then, it takes a while to sort out that you have come back to the subject of the monitor's flashing bulb, needs sorting, other than that it si great, love Mary