Rachel

i just skimmed the first chapter and read ch 3...hadn't intended on reading, just skimming to see if it interested me. so far, and this is very early so don't be offended...but damn near brilliant. adding you to my watchlist immediately, but i've got a couple promised reads ahead of you. this is a unique structure, and with multiple 1st person narrators, none of whom are the main character, could be a very difficult thing to successfully pull off. somehow i think you might just do it. will read more and comment more later.

charlie, i put a couple of plugs in for Rachel on the "recommend manuscript" discussion. I think you've got a unique take on your book and i'm very intrigued.

Have read the first couple of chapters - a brilliant idea and the writing has energy and a sharpness I love. Very gripping - going on my shelf!

Axxx

The final paragraph of Chapter 3, which is as far as I've read, is brilliant. I think this is a cracking and brave idea, to have a multitude of narrators (lots of different voices needed), so I'm putting this on my watchlist to come back for more. R

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Hi Charlie - I found it! Just quickly read the first chapter, I think it's excellent. And I have to say, I DO think it's an original idea. The characterisation is great and a very vivid sense of being back at school - that bit about the grey plastic peeling off the edge of the table made me smile with recognition. I could smell the classroom!
Anyway, looking forward to reading the rest.
Claire

this is an unusual novel, in that the MC is only understood through the eyes of those around her. Having read the first two chapters, and dipping in and out of others, i can see you have developed distinctive voices for the narrators (not an easy thing to do). However i didn't fully engage with this piece and i am trying to work out why that may be. Firstly, i am wondering who the intended audience is? Writing through the eyes of a child, doesn't make it necessarily a YA book, but to engage an adult reader, the child narrator needs to offer a perspective on an adult theme. In terms of theme, what is the thematic thread that holds these accounts together? Rachel is the character around which these narrators rotate, but what is the underlying message/ idea that you wish to explore and engage the reader with? For me, as a reader, a tale of Rachel's lovers is not enough of a pull to keep me reading, particularly as Rachel is the least 'known' character. But if there was a sense that each narrator gave me a different side of Rachel (a facet of her personality), then the urge to read on, would be in trying to piece together this picture. Of the chapters i have read and dipped in, Rachel does not strike me as complex or multi faceted, but rather an uncomplicated, smart and confident woman (which is great, but not necessarily compelling). I feel as if this needs a sense of direction and pace that is currently lacking, so that there is a sense of reaching a climax (either wonderful or tragic), otherwise it is in danger of being a series of short stories, connected by Rachel, but not building into a whole.

i hope my comments make some sense, i am struggling to put my finger on why, despite the great writing i didn't feel a need to keep reading. I guess when we open a book, we want to invest time in getting to know the characters. In this piece, we know that the narrator is only around for one chapter (maybe two), and therefore the investment in them feels a bit wasted? If it were mine, I would be tempted to seriously edit down anything that is not directly relevant to Rachel. Reduce the inner thoughts and have more dialogue driven scenes (with Rachel), and develop a thread/ plot that runs through every chapter (maybe a dream of Rachel's or similar) that the reader can hook onto as they enter each characters head. Great writing though, and an idea worth sticking with.

I've read the first two chapters and am very impressed with what I've read so far. I love the approach you've adopted. It must be very difficult finding the voice for each of the characters, and keeping them all distinct. I very much like the way you use fonts to help plant character in our heads - it adds depth to the reading experience.
My only quibble was that I could feel the occasional slide form Ryan's POV - when he twangs the bra strap he suddenly speaks in a more grown-up, confident way. It felt at first like this was a slip, but thinking about it, maybe you intended this to be slightly sinister, or at least deliberate - as though you have the literary equivalent of a boy whose voice is breaking (or hovering between innocence and Experience) - I'd love to know.
Anyway, I've shelved this and will be back for more

charlie, i'm still lovin' it. the twist in ch 4 at the prom - i thought he was pining away for rach the whole time, so when it turned out to be someone else, and rach was the "afterthought," it kinda surprised me and really hit an emotional note. ch 5 and 6 continue to be exceedingly well done. you're on my shelf to stay for a while. that's as far as i've gotten, and the only concern i have at this point (and it's still early) but i don't feel like i'm really getting to know rachel that well. she's always a secondary, even minor character in some large passages, still a little 2-dimensional. i know she'll come into focus more as the story continues, but my only early critique would be that maybe the reader needs to have a little stronger connection with rachel in these early chapters, that she needs to be fleshed out a little more 3-dimensionally. but that's just a suggestion on how to make a great read a tiny bit stronger, and just my opinion in the FWIW column. i'm continuing to read, and thus reserve to right to completely change my mind later.

Dear Charlie, don't apologise. All this is entirely without obligation, which is why I'm very grateful for your comment and placing of Bee Bones on your bookshelf. Many thanks. R

ADDENDUM - Rachel should be higher. I think it's a brave and skilled endeavour. R

Hi Charlie,
I really like the structure of this novel - that we get to see Rachel through a different narrator`s eyes until by teh end (I`m guessing) we get the complete picture.
I think it`s very difficult to get a child`s voice, and you nailed it. Excellent dialougue, too.
Good luck.

I love how the narrative changes, reminds me of Jacob's Room, by Woolf. Very challenging! And well pulled off. I'm coming back for more. ;)

okay, i started at the beginning and read the first 4 chapters straight through. i'm loving it. very risky, very challenging structure to pull off, but so far it's brilliant. you moved to my bookshelf after just 4 chapters.

This is a really great idea, Charlie. I've read the first three and like how each person's snapshot from their life shows us a bit of Rachel. My concern however, is that each chapter seems quite long and I felt I'd invested quite a lot in each of the characters. In places, I was even more interested in them than I was in Rachel. Which could be a problem if not all of them are going to return. I'm impressed by your skill at creating such an army of believeable characters though, all of them with their own level of passion directed at this girl/woman.
good luck
K

charlie, i put a couple of plugs in for Rachel on the "recommend manuscript" discussion. I think you've got a unique take on your book and i'm very intrigued.

I'm new here and have been alarmed by how little there is high up in the gay fiction charts with a female MC, so I was delighted to come across your, which I shall put on my shelf next week when I have a space and read very soon. My novel focuses on the ages of 17 and 18 so I'll look particularly at those sections in yours to see what you've done with Rachel's voice. Very good luck!

Have read the first couple of chapters - a brilliant idea and the writing has energy and a sharpness I love. Very gripping - going on my shelf!

Axxx

Or should I say Charlie?

Rachel, you saucy lil vamp. You're on my watchlist.

Best,
Mischa.

i just skimmed the first chapter and read ch 3...hadn't intended on reading, just skimming to see if it interested me. so far, and this is very early so don't be offended...but damn near brilliant. adding you to my watchlist immediately, but i've got a couple promised reads ahead of you. this is a unique structure, and with multiple 1st person narrators, none of whom are the main character, could be a very difficult thing to successfully pull off. somehow i think you might just do it. will read more and comment more later.

Adding this to my watch-list too, as it sounds very interesting but I don't have the time to read it right now.

Dear Charlie, thanks for those helpful hints. I never knew about the speech marks thing (comes from being brought up in Germany and other places, I guess). R

Hi Charlie, this looks different. You're on my watchlist and I'll make it back for a proper read soon.

The final paragraph of Chapter 3, which is as far as I've read, is brilliant. I think this is a cracking and brave idea, to have a multitude of narrators (lots of different voices needed), so I'm putting this on my watchlist to come back for more. R

Thank you very much. Let me know how you get on with the rest!

Very good chapter, realistic portrayal of a child