Lethe

Pitches never lie! Good pitch, good book.
First impression, you use adjectives beautifully. The opening chapter is tremendous, not a word out of place, well, maybe just one:
‘I lay paralyzed and numb’ should be lie since it’s present tense.

Beginning of chapter 2 when Dan considers that his new feet are not ‘the feet he came into the world with’, seems a bit of strange thing to say since he presumably came into the world like the rest of us, with baby feet.

One last little quibble. I didn’t understand the reference to the sign in Irish: Tá fáilte romhat. You seem to imply that it’s Welsh. Maybe I’m just misreading it.

There is no hint of colour, sea, sky, beach, the impression is of an indistinct greyness. And such a terrible sense of anguish; it’s as though you have transposed all the unfairness of life onto the afterlife. Don’t we ever get a break? The broken boat, the legless man, the ragged clothes the lack of any sensation, create an atmosphere that makes my flesh creep. Even in the hereafter, whichever bit of it is Lethe, we find sinister Collectors, Guides who may be good or bad, the amorphous primentor who sounds distinctly unpleasant, the mountain which is hell to climb, and most people seem to give up. You paint a really ugly picture, and we don’t even all get to go there. That’s another creepy element. Where do the rest of the stiffs go?

Dan, even though he is (was) a geek and is now dead, is still a likeable character, the kind you want to turn the page and discover he isn’t really dead after all. Life’s so unfair, and according to this book, so is death. I’m hoping there’s some truth in this boat idea of Marco’s.

There’s a real sense of opression about this place, maybe because you knock on the head one of our most cherished beliefs. In Lethe, the pie in the sky isn’t looking too good so far.
This is great writing, horrible, but great.
I’ve read ten chapters so far but will leave it on my watchlist and read some more. I hope to comment on this again. Top stars from me.
Jane

Sorry, I wasn't able to access either "Sonant" or "Lethe"--something to do with an error that occurred while loading. Both novels sound interesting from your pitches, and I look forward to reading them later. Meanwhile, I hope you'll take a look at "The Doctor of Summitville," a novel that I've declined to self-publish because I believe it deserves a wider audience than I've reached with the others. The comments here have been very encouraging. Best wishes, Bill

Dear A, I love your in-between stage of life & death :) - what a concept . :) Chapter 35 & 36 - what if that could really happen? :) Your pitch drew me in to see how your story would come out? Crisp dialogue & paragraphs, not to mention your storyline of the afterlife, then coming back. :) I've backed both of your books :) - could you please take just a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 5 hours later :)

On the right track? Yes, I think so. Chapter one is excellent: I love that last line.

Chapter three is equally good. I particularly like Marco sleezing over the new arrival.

Chapter two, for me, was less strong: the fit wasn't obvious and the writing feeling almost Cthulian . . . verging on purple prose.

Chapter four is another strong piece of writing, taking us back--presumably--before Dan's demise.

Backed, but I'm really not sure about that chapter two.

This is a very imaginative story. Very well structured and the writing is very vivid and compeling. Chapter 1 is an excelent start, that draws the reader in. The pace continues in 3. But I'm not sure if you need 2. At least where it is. I think if 1 led into 3 you would have a pacier and more compeling story.
Backed.

Thoroughly abosorbing and vividly descriptive! Loved the end of the first chapter. Backed with pleasure. Look forward to reading more.
Ommara

You haven't used one single word that isn't necessary. What a powerful control of the English language you have. It's deep and strange, but I'm definitely interested.d I'm going to watchlist it for now and I'll keep reading.
Sharon Cooper
Seka

I take it for a giant crab but t is a man. He has no legs.
This was kinda disturbing to me for reasons I'll be thinking about for a while. Not sure how you got that punch in, but it was a good way. You have a great grasp of the language. More than a couple of times I had my dictionary rolling :) and I like your dialogue as well. Well done.

Regards,
Keith

Very surreal stuff.
I'm intrigued with your style.

Keith

HA!
I'd be surprised too if I died a dude and woke up a dudette! Very well written opening chapter.

Keith

Wild! A very cool idea, written in an intersting style. Literary, but it sacrifices nothing in terms of imagery, pacing and action. Have only read a couple of chapters but hope to return soon. Happily backed.

Hi ASparrow. I’ve read through the first few chapters of your manuscript, and I think the poetic language is a perfect partner with the mystic subject matter. The first chapter relies a lot on the word "I", but in this case I don't think that's a problem, considering the hairpin turn you take in chapter two. It will be interesting to see where this one leads. I’m happy to back this.
Please consider looking at my manuscript, “The Job: Based on a True Story (I mean, this is bound to have happened somewhere)” – I hope you’ll find it something fresh and different in the religion genre. I’d certainly appreciate your support, but only if you think it has merit.
Thanks,
Craig Davis
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=19440

Fascinating. The highly lyrical proseof chapter 1, punctuated by that last paragraph is an effective hook that literally drags you into the book where the continued juxtaposition of over the top exposition and real down-to-earth dialogue keeps you reading. Marco is a hoot. Backed.

What an imaginative story. And what a great writing style you have. It makes this flow smoothly, sort of ushering a reader into the next paragraph, then the next chapter and so on. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi A., A mesmerizing experience, Paxton’s death and its aquatic finality and then his or Victoria’s tendrils. I liked that about inverse lightening. These descriptions of how a ghost or spirit can connect with the living feel almost technical besides being a visitation. The style drew me in and the concepts are quite interesting! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Fabulously written. Drawn in by your superb descriptions from the very start. Your detailed descriptions are enthralling. I can see no ares for improvement here. Backed with pleasure. Colin

Liking your pitch, I came and drank the waters. Can't now remember a damn thing I read. Backed, before I forget.

Liked the pitch, a halfway house for the dead and a brilliant hook of a way of beating death itself. The idea is so simple to be genius. What if someone doesn't want to go to heaven or hell but fancy a second chance? brilliant. Loved the last lin and immediately thought of Quantum leap. Good imagery, fluid writing and well thought idea.

There are several books where 'life' on the other side, in the valley of death, in Hades or in other nether regions provides a dominant setting or background for the development of the plot but none can lay claim with such authority as Lethe. The transition through the death sequence for Daniel Tompkins is descriptive prose par excellence with the final linesof the chapter providing a bolt of surprise that puts the reader on notice of more exciting text still to come. The variable styles of tense, narration and exposition are impressive. Backed. Bocri. The Tuzla Run.

You've got a wonderful narrative voice, it's got a magical feel to it as you weave this story. Most times, fantasy is not something I read much of but this was great! I kind of liked Victoria's character, she's not a main character and is dark but I think she's a strong character regardless. It's chilling and intriguing and is really something I would take home with me. It's the kind of book that stays with you after you put it down.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Lethe

Really like the lyrical style of writing, it makes for great prose.
The eerie edge of someone waiting Mmm.
This is written through the senses making it a great example of atmosphere building.
This is very, very good and I’m only at 3 – Good luck

There's a lot of beautiful, rich writinghere. i liked how you slipped in connotations of grief into the corpse bobbing around in the water. The second chapter is a bit more work, slower and less clear in its meaning, although I felt you were deliberate in this and had a plan to it, so I didn't feel lost, just waiting for things to coalesce. Enjoyable to read. Backed.

regards
mood

This is such a different, unique way of writing about life after death. Well crafted and believeable! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

What a very strange book. You obviously have a huge love of language and use it poetically. At times during the preface, I wondered whether this should be turned into a poem. I'm not absolutely certain I have understood what I have read so far (up to and including Authonomy Chapter 3), but it has an engrossing, all encompassing feel. My critcisms are few - but here goes. The biggest is that I wonder if the Preface is just a little pretentious. There are so many seldom-used words that occasionally I wondered if you were saying to the reader 'Look how clever I am' (sorry). I'm sure you weren't meaning to have that effect. Then, more minorly, in the first paragraph, why not use 'body' rather than 'corpus'? Admittedly 'corpus' does give the thing a more 'otherworldly' feel, but I'm not sure it works. Also, in chapter 3, at one point you slip from First Person to Third Person ("Dan remembers driving") which I think needs to be changed. Ben

A unique and chilling concept you have here. Your prose is very rich, with stunning vocabulary and a rich sensory experience for the reader.

Brilliant, and backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules were made to be broken. " - Relic

Someone recommended this story and I can see why. This is an original angle with literary fiction on display. The dark tone no doubt will attract that crowd. I do loke that short pitch. The long pitch? Hmmmm, kinda ambivalent about it. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Wow. Just...wow. Your style is really reminiscent of Poe and Hawthorne. I also like the greyness in which you present the world of Lethe, and how like in the original Greek version of Hell, the only way of reaching Elysium is to bathe in the waters of the river Lethe, to obtain paradise first you have to forget, or "ignorance is bliss". Also the characters of Dan and Sabonis are really well drawn. I've only got to chapter 6 so far, but I have to say what I've read so far is fantastically written and makes me want to read all of it.

Lethe:

A. Sparrow,

The concepts of death and the after life are foreshadowed throughout Chapter 1 and Victoria's waiting for dead souls made me shudder; for one likes to think that there will be nothing but a peaceful oblivion after death; a release from the heaven and hell which are already on Earth in abundance.
There is an overwhelming eerieness, a foreboding like those which Edgar Allan Poe could build over pages, until the cumulative power of the 'atmosphere' carried the reader into that frisson of fear which Fantasy and Horror provide the scope to explore.
You create a unique world of your own and it is easy to suspend disbelief and luxuriate in settings which, mercifully, transport us from the routine in our lives. This, in my view, is what happens when Fantasy works - and yours works! Backed.

PS: I'd value your response to my own A Child from the Wishing Well, if you can find a moment.
Ray

It's late so have stopped at ch 3. The strangest images evoked with skill, gruesome in beautiful prose and eloquent even down to Sabonis' 'Uh-oh'. Dread to think what that means. Will find out tomorrow. Backed. Lynn

Ditch the prologue and you have something really quite good here.

I started again at chapter 2 and imagined this was a different book. The style is so much better, the action immediate and the pace fast. It hooked me and made me want to read on. Backed.

I've just read another book about the afterlife but it wasn't anything like this! Poetic definitely, creepy, definitely, puzzling - very definitely! Don't think I'll sleep tonight, just in case. My daughter has a phobia about octopi - I think I understand why! Good luck with this, Jim Darcy Serpent's Blood

Morning, I have just read the first chapter of your book, it is interestingly written, with great passion and depth. Your description envokes insight into the world you can see as you write, not an easy task, yet you pull it off! This is most definetly material worth backing. Well done and I wish you the best of luck with it. Kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Interesting premise, has facets of literary fiction, futuristic, paranormal and dark mystery. Your craft embellishes the style.
Best of luck
Dawn De Remer

Thanks for backing 'In The Moment', have put your books on my watchlist... they look really good. regards pinkcoffee

Wow this was recommended and I can see why.

I'm sorry I am lost for words... and have nothing I could offer to your polished work apart from a backing.

Jo xx

Spoilt

I enjoyed all the tentacles and mist, the entanglement of death. Not an easy event to describe but your complex oblique poetic prose evokes a state that is beyond our ken. Was good to see the prose become simpler in the following chapters. No idea how this pans out as a novel but the quality of the prose is bold and exciting.

Okayyyy!

I took a quick look at this, and it appeals to me! I"m sure some will tell you it's overwritten (some say that about my C1), but I like it.

Going to back it and keep it on my shelf for a bit. Might get a chance to come back and read more.

Cheers

Lorrii