Book Jacket

 

rank 5459
word count 13284
date submitted 24.01.2010
date updated 24.01.2010
genres: Fiction, Comedy
classification: universal
incomplete

Things to Do After Lunch

Joshua Dudley

A very funny story in the vein of Douglas Adams except without the sci-fi element.

 

This is my first attempt at a book and it is about half finished. It was very much inspired by Douglas Adams. Its a rambling whimsical tale about a misguided vacuum salesman's attempt at love and a woman who enjoys life very much but sometimes can't stand her friends. Also there are chinese bus tours and long compulsory descriptions of things that you may not have thought about very much. This book is very funny and I still enjoy reading it myself.

 
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tags

douglas adams chinese restaurants bus tours

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8 comments

 

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iandsmith wrote 232 days ago

This opening is good, but it could be slightly better. A rewrite to remove the biblical tone, eg "for they wouldn't answer" It's a nice idea, but it goes a bit over the top in places. The pitch and the general idea are good enough to warrant the extra work.

soutexmex wrote 806 days ago

I can see where you are inspired by the Hitchhiker's Guide. It is entertaining, I'll give ya that. But I am not a fan of both pitches. Think you can do better here. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commenter

lynn clayton wrote 813 days ago

Love the pitch. if I'd written this, I'd never stop reading it. I'm surprised you've the time for anything else. Hysterical. Backed. Lynn

lizjrnm wrote 813 days ago

Thisis hilarious - with a little editing this should do very well in the fiction market. It is so hard to write humor but you have done a great job - LOL! Anyway BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Barry Wenlock wrote 845 days ago

Hi - It's good but It needs some work. It could be a lot tighter. I laughed at several points and thought the plot was firm and the story well paced. I had no problem with the part criticised by the previous commentator. This has enormous potential. BACKED! Best wishes, Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

T.L Tyson wrote 847 days ago

I like the humor in this but I wanted to address the POV. It is sort of odd. At first I thought it was a narrator tlaking about James, and it most certainly is because it is third, but then there are I's peppered throughout and the main sentence that caused me much confusion was: Then after that she supposed she would want to get married.....and have both our families flown in. Two different POV's in one sentence? Confusing to say the least.
I like the pop cultural references. And I do like the style this is done in but I do feel the POV needs to be addressed. I really gave a giggle at some of the lines, this is witty funny, which is the funny I prefer. James is hugely recognizable and I think that is why he makes for a great character.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

mrdotcom wrote 850 days ago

Dear Dale. I have not written a lick of this story in years. A friend pointed me to this website and i just put up part of my book out of curiousity. I am actually a pretty terrific editor also. Like I told AC I'm just thrilled that people are commenting already. But you're right I do need to get up the motivation to finish one of my works and get a good edit on it.

mrdotcom wrote 850 days ago

Dear AC. I am absolutely shocked that there is a site like this. I have only had a few short stories published but have written a prolific amount of things over the years without being published. I am thrilled that you like my story or at least the beginning. I dont know how this website works, perhaps you are just commenting on it so i will comment on your story? thats okay by me. im just glad to have readers. you probably are too. I'm too tired to look at anything you have written but I'm sure I will tomorrow. Beguiling? thanks so much

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