Eye of The Destroyer

Dan,

What an exciting beginning to a thriller. I was immediatley drawn to the MC (Jim) and concerned about the situation he is in. I liked how you gradually fill us in though Jim's eyes. First the hang over, then realization he's sitting and his hands are tired behind his back, the dark room, etc.

A job well done!

Happily shelved!

Laurie - Into The Master's Lair

Whoa, there was a surprise in chapter one that I don't want to give away for future readers. That would certainly raise a prisoner's anxiety level a few hundred notches! This is exciting. Backed

Whoa, there was a surprise in chapter one that I don't want to give away for future readers. That would certainly raise a prisoner's anxiety level a few hundred notches! This is exciting. Backed

The first chapter is excellent . I was hoping for an account of the interrogation to follow. I'm not sur I'm interested in the detailed account of the villains' hierarchy. They are a bit cardboard.
'Stunned silence' and 'mercifully ended' are cliches.
Backed for the first chapter.

Greetings Dan,

I don't usually do this: thank a supporter, read a chapter or two, and back the book in one sitting. But your global theme is plausible in today's world, your characters are three dimensional, and your tale is up and running. What more do I need to back "Eye of the Destroyer"?

I hope you'll read more of "The Doctor of Summitville," where I've placed my first act on a much smaller stage. I'd be delighted to hear more from you.

Best of luck, Bill

If you were trying to prove to someone that you could actually write, I believe you have accomplished your mission. I appreciated hearing the voices, very realistic conversations and the premise is fascinating!
Lee Ann
Slightly Dented Halos

What a wonderful start to a thriller - is the news item really true? It teases the palate beautifully, setting up the reader for an intriguing ride. I love a good thriller and this has all the hallmarks of a riveting read. Backed.

Karen
The Kid: A True Story of Cocaine, Corruption, Deceit and Betrayal

Your highly descriptive writing style makes your finely crafted thriller a pleasure to read. You grab the reader immediately and never let go. Your work is well paced and well written. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development is solid. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Eye of the Destroyer

[Thank you for returning my backing. T. ☼☼☼☼☼☼]

Now that’s good, I mean seriously good. Great opening. Always good to have a naked person chained to a chair waiting to be tortured to grab the reader’s attention. The space laser is a great idea and the descriptions of its effectiveness awesomely gruesome. I must admit I began to wonder in chapter three where this was going and then BANG! Chapter four and you get it on its way. Great sequence in the Mall. Great idea having Jack day dreaming about the attack and then making it real. And then it turns out he is a school chum of Anton. Great set up. The characterisations are wonderful.

I’m backing this. Unreservedly. And if you can find the time to take a look at Bokassa’s Last Apostle in return I’d be extremely grateful.

This is a chilling start to what promises to be a classic international crime thriller. The writing serves it well, and the dialog feels real, if perhaps a bit over the top. The one critique I can offer is every now and then you start a cluster of sentences with pronouns, which causes a lot of sameness. Recast most of those, and the writing will be even stronger. As it is, happy to back this for you.
Craig
The Job

i think with a slight edit this could be a superb work of fiction. I have a few minor quibbles, for instance 'familyman' in the pitch should be 'family man' and I really wouldn't Chapter one with 'Some noise'. Maybe 'A loud noise'? Just a suggestion. Still, this mainly very good indeed - slick, taut and very accessibilly written.
Backed
Carl
The Time Hunters

You are fantastic, Dan. :) (Dan is my most special name because it is the name of my 36 year old precious wonderful son, Danny, named after a guy I had a crush on at church when I was in my teens which I tell about in my memoir book.) :)
How can I ever thank you for backing my 2 memoir books? My gratitude is emmeasurable.
God bless you for taking the time for me. :)
Love, Susie :)

Dear Dan, I love that you took all of that time doing research to enlighten us, the public. What a quandry!! A guess that is what "top secret" is - top secret. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :)

A very intriguing opening. Makes me wonder what is going on. Very few people can open a book making the reader wish they'd started SOONER. Very effective technique, dropping us into the middle of things and we read on eagerly wanting to know how he got there and why. Backed.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

This is a gripping, compulsive read. The first paragraph of your prologue, which you tell us is true, sets the mood straightaway. Violence, crime, and mystery take us into the territory of not just criminals but conspiracy theories, with undercover agents and cover-ups vying for centre stage with the drug barons. Your plot takes off quickly and hooks us in with no delay. Your characters have a three dimensional quality not always found in this genre. Jim, the prospective naked body, is drawn realistically; and his feelings as the drug takes effect and he becomes 'calm... dispassionate,' and 'distant...' are entirely convincing. Anton and Liam are strikingly vicious people, particularly Anton, who kills like a child playing with a video game; whereas Liam has the grace to be sick at what he sees happening. The murder of Dzung and his girl friend are equally grotesque, and Anton's only reaction is to be pleased that he's taught not only Dzung but his other employees a severe lesson. The shock effect of this is amazing. Anton, a complex character, refrains from killing the girl who would have shot him if she could, because, he says, 'I like your spirit.' He can laugh as he kills, and make jokes like, 'he'll still have Helle to pay.' You write well, in a fast moving, entertaining, and often horrifying style. You demonstrate a gift for observation and exact description; for instance, 'in the funny monochromatic way night vision and IR systems do,' and this brings your settings and action vividly to life. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

This is very well written with fully fleshed out characters. Shelved, with pleasure.

Carol

First chapter sets everything up nicely. Characters and actions are unbelievably believable, if you know what I mean. It's hard to imagine a crime gang headed by Anton, Liam and Helle having any kind of clout, but, sadly, these are the types of characters throughout history who have actually come into power. An entertaining and imaginative read.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

believable world with solid characterisation and vivid imagery. Backed with pleasure

This info makes me to read. This is something different from what I have read in this site. However, I want to back this book with pleasure.
Backed,
Bamboo Promise

Exquisite storyline with some great prose. The dialogue is real and down to earth.
Excellent read for sure!

Best Wishes!
Tom
[Grey Skies Ahead]

Hi Dan, The storyline following Anton and Helle rather than Jim, rendering the dynamics between these criminal personalities, was fascinating. Helle’s background caught me along with their familiar conversation. It’s interesting how the first chapter dealt with Jim but stayed with the real situation, the "survivors." It’s well-written and eye-opening! Shelved – Katherine

Enticing plotline and a well written thriller which certainly kept me on the end of my seat wondering what would happen next. You have paid close attention to detail & yet the pace is still perfect. Happily backed - Paula - How Mean is My Valley?

Dan

Eye of the Destroyer - A NASA scientist is found dead and the news sinks without trace. This sparks instant interest. The interrogation scene oozes with a dark treacle menace which sets the scene and promises a suspenseful political intrigue.

Backed. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Eye of The Destroyer
Dan Hardy

Very impressed by your storyline - dysfunctional crime family made me think automatically of The Godfather and that connection made me want to take a closer look. This seemed authentic and realistic to me and I thought you presented your characters in an interesting manner. Interesting use of language too. This has much promise and I wish you the best in finding a publisher Dan.
Zan

Good pitches, good title, solid story. I think you really have a winner here. All I see needed is alot of polishing up.

i.e.
Buck naked… do you mean butt naked?
There are other weird phrasings like “mafia (,) THERE ENTERED…” I know what you mean but the phrase is awkward.which one is fit looking the old man or the blonde or both? You can cut out ‘And’ on the following sentence (The lady entered...)
“Anton takes care of people that help him. (“) Oh…”

Little details like that need fixing but, over all, you have a great story! Backed with pleasure.

Hi Dan! Just started to read Eye of the Destroyer. I have never read a book in this genre before, but your characters are colorful and there is lots of action so far!
Best of Luck,
Christa

This is a scary thriller. Backed with pleasure, Sana x

"Fartin' around" is written the way I have done so. "Fook me, your fast." should be "Fook me, you're fast." "Oh wait, your more of a scotch drinker aren't you?" should be "Oh wait, YOU'RE more of a scotch drinker, aren't you." You make the mistake of using "your" for "you're" repeatedly.

Okay, there are quite a few punctuational and capitalization errors in this chapter (2) as well but, overall, you have the makings of a good story. I am not sure you need all of the gory details in order to make us despise Anton, and gore can seriously limit your audience. I find the idea of this sort of star wars death ray used with such precision very interesting but I'm not into gore. Anyway you do need to learn to punctuate so I am backing your work to encourage you to do so.

Loving regards, Callaghan

Hi, you are missing the word "to" in the first to the last sentence of the 8th paragraph of chapter 1. You are missing a period at the end of the last sentence in paragraph 16. 17th paragraph, last sentence is punctuated incorrectly at the end of the sentence. 18th paragraph needs a period at the end of the first sentence. 23rd paragraph needs a comma after "...if I remember,"... You need a COMMA after "ah, yes a martini does sound nice,"... It should be "Nothing," Liam replied as he saw Helle shoot him a look athat could pierce steel over her designer clad shoulder... The last sentence should NOT be ended with an "!". I would add a sense of mystery by ending with "A part of him hoped so; He did have alot to say and, strangely, he was beginning to really want to say it..."

Dan, other than your terrible punctuation (which can be learned) you have the makings of a good writer and really good story. Get a gregg reference manual and teach yourself the standards of punctuation. Meanwhile I am on to chapter 2 because I really want to know if they get back before his brains turn to mush!
Loving regards, Callaghan

This was really entertaining! I like the dynamic of this family, they are really fun to read. The pace moves great, and you've got great dialogue. I truly enjoyed this and I think it's refreshingly different. Good luck with this!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

A most enjoyable read. backed with pleasure, Barry

Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

I like the idea of a dysfunctional crime family. All that access to money and a crime boss still has problems. You've made a sympathetic character in Jack. He's certainly in over his head the moment he gets involved here. Makes this a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Dan, a very strong thriller, the pitches bring out a flavour of what the reader can expect and it's a fascinating prospect.
I wondered a little about the section in your pitch - 'Family man Jack Kilbourne becomes human bait for a ruthless killer as he pushes the world towards global devastation' - is there a little uncertainty there? It's a little ambiguous in meaning, who is pushing the world towards global devastation, Jack or the 'ruthless killer?' I'm playing devil's advocate, obviously, but you may think it worth making the meaning absolutely clear. The final section of the long pitch is possibly a step too far - 'Quick turns and cinematic style are carried by clever dialogue and colorful characters in exotic situations. The plot is realistic enough to be a back story for current headlines. A supposition of N. Korean ties to Macau Casinos became a breaking news story while editing - that's useful information, but I think the pitch is more intriguing without it.
There's a vastly involved plot here and I'd like to read more of the book to see how all these various threads turn out, but you've certainly packed in the excitement and your judgement of pace, essential in a thriller, is exceptional.
On my shelf for a spell with pleasure.
Jared.
Mummy's Boy.

Eye of the Destroyer

Wouldn’t mistake this genre after reading the opening chapter, and this is one of the best. Not usually a fan of prologues, however yours works so very well, and sets the story up brilliantly.
I like some of the subtle (well not that subtle) humour you use to balance and fractionate the tension with; it has the desired effect of heightening the action. This really is a good book. – Good luck

Eye of the Destroyer is a smart thriller filled with the necessary technical attributes to add to the story's authenticity. The characters are interesting and the action scenes are riveting. I believe it has significant potential and will benefit from some of the serious feedback provided here. Good luck.

You introduce the older man, the blond guy and the woman, but out of the blue you say: Helle's boss signalled the older man...

Who is Helle? Which one is his/her boss. You drop in the name like you've already established who is who and I don't think you have. It's also confusing as to what pov you're using here. if its omniscient there's no need to present these people by their physical descriptions, you can just use their names from the outset. If it's from Jim's pov (which it appeared to be at first) then he wouldn't know their names without being told. And he wopuldn't refer to himslef as Jim the NSA scientist.

it then turns out Helle is the girl, which makes the earlie description really weird. Why would you describe him as one person's boss while he's talking to another person. It's like talking about Alex ferguson and saying: Rooney's boss told Berbatov to kick the ball. In that situation, since he's talking to Berbatov you would call him Berbatov's boss, although you could avoid all this faffing about if you just called him by his own name.

Then, when Jim starts feeling the effects of the drug he looks over at Anton - by name. How does he know Anton's name when it hasn't been mentioned yet. The whole thing's all over the place and very hard to follow with any sense of rhyme or reason.

I think the idea of the drug is a good one, and has some amusing moments, but the writing was too confusing and inconsistent for me. Best of luck with it though.

regards
mood

Hi.

You have an excellent, compelling story based on modern technology, and that always interests me. You have a great hook in the prologue, chapter to chapter draw is good, dialogue is realistin and flows well. I will certainly back this.

Can you read, comment on, and backe Jamie 7?

Thank you
Keep Smiling
Joseph D Palermo

Very well done. In the opening chapter, I had less a sense of the physical surroundings than I should have, and this is easily addressed. Great premise, and who needs the guv-mint canceling the day's top story? This is a great book for anyone who doesn't trust the guv-mint.
Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

Gripping and very well written. One sentence that needs an edit, middle chap 2:
Anton sat up pushed the girl back over so that he could see over her back...
- is the an 'and' missing? and maybe reword to avoid the repetition of 'back' and 'over'.
Apart from that, great stuff. Backed.
Cheers,
Simon

Heh, don’t we all love a good conspiracy story! And I like your pitch, too. as always, just imo, as is everything I say here … so, bizarre scene with Helle, Anton and Liam with Jim. Watch out for changes in the POV, though. And try saying the dialogue out loud to decide whether nor not it’s natural sounding enough. It’s a little over written in parts, but I’m into Ch 3 (which, btw, is maybe a bit too long?) and wanting to continue, so I’m going to back it. When you edit you can fix up things like over abundant exclamation marks and awkward pronouns (like the first paragraph of Ch 3, for example) I shall back this briefly, so please don’t be alarmed if you check my shelf and it has disappeared.

This novel has it all. It is heading for the ED and will soon be in bookshops country-wide. Don't just read the first chapter. Read it all. It's a gem.

Backed.
Sheila (Pinpoint)

Enlarged the font on the first three chapters to make the reading alittle easier. Will do to the other chapters as time permits.

Dan

Licking a head around........really? Just love it....I have a warped sense of humour.

Backed

DJ-The Lost Cactus

Dan,

This book begins with such a compelling little teaser that the reader is urged onwards in search of answers. the prolgoue is a fantastic little touch, and proceeding onto chapter one shows you come through on your promises. An exciting start, and I'll definitely be back to read the rest.

Backed with pleasure,
Abi xxx

"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules were made to be broken. " - Relic

Dan, your prologue and first chapter make this a promising read. Good work. Nothing to nitpick in these two sections.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

While this is not a genre that I would usually read, I quite enjoyed the first few chapters. Especially the titles...I'm no good at titles. Usually I feel that "chapter titles" take away from the book, however yours work wonderfully! Good show! I actually look forward to reading more of this and it shall find its way back on to my shelf in no time. Bravo.

xx Gray

Good, well-paced thriller with an interesting tie-in to the real world. You've got some awkward point of view shifts and a few typos, but all in all it's good crisp writing.

Hullo Dan. Very good story. Interestingly fearful that this sort of situation probally does exist. pLease look at mine if you have not yet. Thanks


Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Hey Dan,

Your work is confidently written and well paced.

Backed, Tom
Seven Seconds.