Sir William, An Urbane Knight

I love books where animals like mice or dogs or cats take on human characteristics, and Sir William, An Urbane Knight is no exception. Although not as new a concept as it used to be (there are several successful series and even movies that follow this format now) author Rakhi Jha has brought us a new twist to the tale with the introduction of the Authorian legends that the mice follow. The writing is very polished and the relationship between the mice is thrilling to read. Although aimed at younger children, I very much enjoyed all of the book that was posted here and would recommend it to other adults. There are really no edits needed. This book is ready to be published and will find a wide audience of children and adults who will love what hopefully will become the entire Urbane Knight series.

Rakhi, your imagination must know no bounds! When children - and their parents read this, they'll believe the Moon is made of cheese, and quite probably the man who lives there has a mouse-friend, or twelve!

I have been utterly captivated, and your voice as a writer has just the right tone for children, as well as giving them good reasons to think - about their actions toward others, a code of conduct. Some wonderful pieces of Arthurian history round off this splendid tale.

The Prologue and first chapter set us up, and our hero Sir William introduced with a bang... A terrific battle in the Kumars' kitchen, and where we meet his adopted family, including the delightfully named Sid - Siddhartha.

Now we get to the crux of the matter - Another terrific scene is set in the park, and Sir William realizes young Sid is being bullied. And poor Sir William knows what this is like - I'm guessing we'll find out more of this later, but for now, we see young Sid stand up to be counted. And what follows with Sir William's meeting the other animals, his fans, is utterly charming. His story of his own legendary battle with the Giant Ritho is mind-boggling! As is your image of this Ritho the Rat.

Sir William's story is almost a legend in itself, and we learn of his quest for Excalibur, of Merlin, and the riddle that came with the magic-inducing scabbard. I don't know about his animal-fans, but I want to come back next week with them to find out more - about the riddle and his showdown with the evil Ritho. I feel like Julie-the-mouse.... aah. This is so sweet. As is Sid's encounter with Cathy.

Well, I don't know about the children who'll be hanging on to every word of this... but I will. And looking out for the movie of it, too! (And the fluffy toys and dolls - and little Excaliburs in their jewelled scabbards... and...... ha.).

Marvelous story, Rakhi, and on my shelf as you know. Those twelve codes of Chivalry should soon be on every kiddie's wall, and I wish you all the success that goes with them.

From Kay xx
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

Rakhi
I was absolutely charmed by this. I love the Arthurian legends, and to see the stories twisted this way is lovely. Your characters are wonderful - Sir William makes a fantastic knight, and I think a lot of readers will relate to Sid and his problem with bullies. That little scene with Julie and Cathy was so endearing - bless!

Stylistically, you're spot on. Simple, but effective. V few grammar and nitpicky probs (I noted the William family - should it be the Williams family?) and great contrast between formal chivalric mouse and casual human. You also weave in some great values for kids (stand up for yourself, do good things selflessly, etc) without being didactic or preachy, which earns you a massive thumbs up from me. I would have loved this as a kid, and as an adult I found it....well, charming, as I said! Y'know, I could see this as an animated film a'la Pixar or Disney.....not sure how you feel about that, but it just means that the story hits all the right marks. Well done, and best of luck!
--R.N.

Sir William - an Urbane Knight is an endearing tale that I would glady recommend to any child (or child at heart). Jha has woven morals into the story via codes of honor for the little ratty knights. I think this is charming, funny and original. I backed it with pleasure. MDEyler
(ps I think my next table will be cheese)

I don't understand why publishers don't want books like this. This is a wonderful turn on a familiar premise, written full of whimsy. I would have loved this as a kid. The writing has just the right voice of formality in it, just what you'd expect from mice. Happy to back this for you.
Craig
The Job

Title: I'm not sure many 6-10 year olds would know what 'urbane' means, but that probably doesn't matter.

Short pitch: good, but grammatically a little clunky. Easily fixed by deleting 'but is'.

Long pitch: typo needs fixing (untill should be until). This is an interesting pitch that would get me reading were I the target age group.

Chapter one: The Prologue is short and to the point. Watch out for typos (lighting should be lightning, for example). The description of the avalanche is probably too wordy.
Next section: I like the idea of the knights sitting round a Swiss cheese, though it's confusing to call it 'Finlandia'. Some good dialogue in this section.

General impression: great idea and good story-telling, but the descriptions are sometimes a bit overlong for this age group. Ideally, you would get this book well illustrated and not need therefore to be so wordy. At the moment, you're not leaving enough gaps for the reader's imagination (and the illustrator's art).

Hi Rakhi,
Knights and mice and swiss cheese. All interesting ingredients sure to grab kids attention.
I like these kinds of twist in the tale stories. Kids love them too.
It also opens up new learning when kids get involved in these stories and start asking questions about knights and King Arthur.
The writing flowed nicely and the dialogue worked well.
I like that the mice travel the world. Making for some lovely opportunities for action and once again learning about new places.
All in all an enjoyable read, I think you've hit the mark for your intended audience,
Good job,
Jacoba

I read your first chapter and really enjoyed it. I'm not sure about the prologue though....It didn't really have me hooked. It seems like information you could weave in elsewhere. Just a thought though, I am by no means an expert. The idea is original and I can even see this being illustrated for the elementary students(Grades 3-5). I hope you get a chance to take a look at Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket. Any feedback is appreciated! Best of luck with your book!

Ashley

Sorry that this is a day late, but I forgot I had to go out on Friday night, which set me back a day with my reads to my son (who's 8). Anyway, since he likes stories about cats, I thought he might like one about mice. (Tom and Jerry being one of his favourite cartoons). And I was right, he did like "Sir William, An Urbane Knight," and wanted me to read chapter two. However, I only had time for one tonight so will continue another day.

What he liked about it? When I read books from Authonomy, he either stops me in my tracks, saying that they're boring, or he gives them the thumbs up and says he likes everything. And he gave your book the thumbs up, and asked why was I stopping when I came to the end of the chapter, and that it's not too late for another one.

Special mentions. The cheese table was a winner. Arwyn especially liked it, saying that he bet the mice would eat it...and was right pleased when they did. He also liked all the mice. He didn't know what a knight was, which surprised me, so I explained them. He thought it sounded cool once I did this, and liked the fact that they had swords.

In relation to me, I thought this was a nice story, perfectly aimed for his age group. The characters were good, especially Sir William. I also liked the cheese table, and thought it was clever. Considering where they were, the Swiss cheese part was a nice touch. Also, the round shape in connection to King Arthur was another clever bit of detail.

Well, that's all for tonight. I'll let you know what he thinks of the rest another day. Kind regards, Marita. P.S. I didn't notice any typos.

hi Rakhi, comments as promised, a little later than promised! I liked the opening of your novel. I particularly think children will love the mice as knights imagery and the humour of the swiss cheese round table is spot on. Well done. Regards, Kerry M (Her Soul To Keep)

Sir William the fearless and brave knight, fighting the Palmettos in NY. Sounds great doesn't it?
I actually smiled through the whole read, wide eyed and enjoying the adventures of this brave mouse, as he protected his adopted family from pesky roaches.
What a wonderful imagination you have Rakhi:). This is the sort of story i'd love to read to my grandchildren.
Highly rated and backed with pleasure.
Maria
"Dark of the Moon"

Rakhi,
This is top quality childrens' fiction. Pure pleasure to read as an adult. The market needs more refreshing literature like this. Best wishes. Six stars from me and on my WL.
Cheers!
John Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

Haven't been able to read very much of it yet, but I'm excited about the idea. Looks like you have some sytax issues to edit, but I'm expecting this to be a fun read!

Forrest -- Council of the Ark

This is a lovely, imaginative and greatly descriptive book that I think children and adults will enjoy reading.
Backed and top star rated with with pleasure.
Lizzie Scott :-)

I'm a sucker for anthropomorphic animals as well as Arthuriana--what a combination! Charming voice, great pacing. A wonderful children's story.

A quaint story with fantastic characterisation, imagination and creativity. The story flows and children will be easily engaged by the action and adventures described in this book. The writing is excellent and this has the potential to be in a book shop.

Backed,

Lisa

Lovely start, great outlining of character through dialogue - we feel we know Sir William and his attitudes in no time, I did wonder about Stuart Little but since the mice are part of a team (the Round Table) the likeness becomes less pronounced. Enjoyed the cheesy round table although since they are in Switzerland shouldn't it hae been Emmenthal or Gruyere. I would think the children would love it (the story not the cheese) and not a few adults also. Backed with pleasure Jaye (the Fantasy Trip and Runa Seven)

Very intriguing! Rakhi, this is a very creative well told pitch, that lays a solid foundation for kids to jump right n to your book. I like the mix of fantasy you threw in! I can't wait to read the rest.
I too, have multiple profession, but hope to one day, be a fabulous-full-time writer! p.s. You forgot your other profession: MOM :) thee most important!
Best of luck!
Nadiyah-

Dear Rakhi

You pitches set up your story brilliantly. In the first chapter I loved the image of sir William toiling through the snow to get to an out of the way knights meeting and saving himself from an avalanche with his sword and then the cheese round table.However I think that the story would succeed better if Sid and Sir Williams worlds properly collided earlier and they got to know each other earlier.I want to more about the other knights but I think it should be the emotional relationship between the two main characters that is the core of your story. Why not have the rat rithko menace and frighten Sids family and Sid and have Sir William come to the rescue? as a way of Sid meeting him rather than as a back story? I see Sir William as a bit set in his ways and totally imbued with the chivalric code and perhaps a bit pompous. I think he should be a confidant of Sid and help him with his bullying/sporting /girl problems more directly by reference to this chivalric code. Also you must have all twelve knights coming together in the finale surely? - they and Sid together dramatically overcome some new menace before Sir W moves on and has to say goodye to the more confident and happier Sid. It is an enchanting story and these are my initial reactions to it.

regards

Brian

I love books where animals like mice or dogs or cats take on human characteristics, and Sir William, An Urbane Knight is no exception. Although not as new a concept as it used to be (there are several successful series and even movies that follow this format now) author Rakhi Jha has brought us a new twist to the tale with the introduction of the Authorian legends that the mice follow. The writing is very polished and the relationship between the mice is thrilling to read. Although aimed at younger children, I very much enjoyed all of the book that was posted here and would recommend it to other adults. There are really no edits needed. This book is ready to be published and will find a wide audience of children and adults who will love what hopefully will become the entire Urbane Knight series.

What a great idea! Very well written and very pleasant read. Backed with pleasure.

Thank you for your support of my novel.

Herschel Shirley
Earth Reaver

This is a very interesting story. A creative way to re-do the Arthurian legends for a new time. The writing is mostly good, there are just a few spots that look like they could use a touch up. All in all a good read.

This is such a cute story. I can see this as a full length cartoon. Sir William is charming, and the Kumar's are so very likable. The prose is colorful...the roach scene made me shiver...and I hear Daniel Radcliff when Sir William speaks. I back this happily! I'll buy for my son if it gets published.

Wendy
-January Black

Delightful and well written. I particularly like the fact that you use vocabulary which will extend the readers' / listeners language.

Lorraine
Mannin Boy

Dear Rakhi,
What a charming story for children of all ages! Your writing style seems so quaint and made just for children. This is sure to be a hit. Well done!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Great imagination and I'm sure this will appeal to your target audience as well as some grown ups. One possible small nit pick, I noticed you use a lot of passive language (was, were, ...) If you're to re-write those sentences it would give it more immediacy and it would flow smoother. E.g. your last sentence in the first chap. "Sir Willi8am was not listening..." could be, Sir William already planned his visit to the Big Apple and had not heard a word, lost in his thoughts miles away.

A wonderful children's story and beautifully written. The characters and their dialogue are very entertaining and the plot is unique. I love Sir William, he's great! I really think children will love this story.
Best of luck
Rachael

This is a lovely story, perfect for children of any age! The characters are well depicted (I love the idea of the chivalric mouse, Sir William), the story flows nicely and the way that you blend history with fantasy is brilliant. I can see Pixar snapping up a story like this before long. Best of luck Rakhi, I hope you do well.

Backed without hesitation.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

LOL. Never thought I would enjoy such story...but I did.
Backed with pleasure.
Dan

What fun, fine writing and a good story.
Tom Balderston
The Wonder of Terra

You've taken the time in perfecting your story. I've taught students from grades K-12. This story is appealing to all ages. It's imaginative and fun!

Thank you for charming tale so well told.
This must have taken you a great deal of time and I hope you get the recognition you deserve.
good luck
Alice
PS - so sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you

I enjoyed the read, but do question the structuring for your target reader of 6-10 yrs. For me, your story would be better unfolded in an easier to grasp, chronological way, without jumping from scene to scene. This is too complex, better suited to 11+ range. My advice would be to up your target or simplify your structure. Only one opinion of course.

I don't have much time for reading at the moment, but I like this story. I would like to purchase this book later and read it aloud to my grandchildren. Backed.
Patricia West Hays
The Witness Tree

Dear Rakhi
Still up there as one of the best on site.... What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now done. I have already commented and backed it a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Take out the cheese and mice, close your eyes and you'd think you were reading an updated story of King Arthur and his knights. Wonderfully told,as this idea could easily have gone pear-shaped. Now, I'm not a mouse, but if I were, I'd be so happy to be written like this. Sir William could easily become a child-hood favourite along the same lines as Dick Whittingham's cat if this gets to where is deserves to be.
Backed with pleasure.
Mick
Flirty Something

Hi Rakhi,

I was reading a part of this last night in bed. You had me so addicted to what you wrote, I couldn't wait for my daughter to take her nap just so I could finish the last three chapters today. If she was older, I'd definitely be reading this her. Congratulations on a well though out story line.

Tracy

This is such an enchanting tale that will be adored by children. Your writing is superb, you have a great imagination, and I congratulate you on such wonderful work. I will put this on my shelf with pleasure, when I reshuffle my bookshelf this week.

Best wishes

Sarah Louise

Oh wow, I love it! I would have loved this as a child and I wish you the very best with this book! Sir william is a character you have defined clearly and we easily fall in love with!

Bravo!

Kind regards,

Jodi
x-Evalesco-x

I try to critique stories on their merit, not on whether I like the genre, but this one just got away from me.

The first thing I noticed was the title. It isn't interesting enough to make me want to read the book.

After reading the pitch, I had no desire to move on to the first chapter. There was nothing there that really grabbed my attention, but I decided to give it a chance and looked at it anyway.

The feeling I get from your writing is that you are trying to hard. The narrative is tight and the dialogue is not believable. Reading aloud your work allows you to see the mistakes and inconsistencies in your writing.

I think this needs a major overhaul, starting with the pitch.

Good luck with it.
Mike

Hi Rakhi,
I enjoyed this very much so I think it will appeal to parents as well as children. It's a nice idea to bring the knights' code into the modern age and see where it leads. I think a lot of us could do with a bit of Seeking after Wonder! There is maybe some fairly challenging vocabulary for younger readers - 'implemented' near the beginning stood out to me, but I do remember being intrigued by new words long before I could read them.
Lucy

What a terrific, unique premise! I love the thought of bringing Prince Arthur to the kids in a way they'll understand. Your voice is just right - you don't patronize the kids, but tell it to them straight.
backed
Genevieve

Hi Rakhi, thank you first of all for backing LONDON. Like to say I enjoyed your premise, and now just getting into your story. Very nice! I'm not a critic, just a scriptwriter who can appreciate a good visual. Yours is very well a nice read.

blessings
jim
- and if you have the chance, love to have some feedback on LONDON :-)

King Arthur with a twist in the tail - of twelve mice. I like the humour you write - a mouse taking a slice of the cheese table - and so will the children. I wish you all the best with this.
Backed, Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

I commented to another writer, that to include animals in children's stories can only be good. Children learn by example, a child brought up with animals, a child reading about animals whether reality or fantasy will never wantonly be cruel to an animal. Your book typifies that belief. The mice are real, they think, they learn and they are part of the world going on around them. I enjoyed this book immensely and was happy to back it.
Plagarma

a very intersting idea; makes a charming story

Hi Rakhi.

I have just clapped my hands for your creative book.

I have read your work and found it fresh and entertaining. I admire your creative mind to create such story using the mice to represent a bigger mature idea. You have managed to control your animal characters to act like humans beings with personality differences. Your writing technique is very polished and the plot structure is weaved clearly. I am amazed at the range of writers who have published work on Authomony. Many works on this site would not be out of place in High Street book shops. I think that it is more a reflection of the state of the publishing industry these days, rather than a reflection on the quality of the writing, that so many talented authors find that their work is not taken up by publishers. I will back your work as I feel that your efforts deserve it. Best of luck.

FLETCH
STORIES FROM A LEAKING MIND

I like the title and general idea of the story. I'm afraid I'm useless with children's books though, I can never tell what age it's for and whether it would work for that age or not. Saying that, I read the first three chapters very easily. It has a confident, chirpy style and the characters come to life very well.
Good luck with this, backed
Charlie

Hi Rakhi

What a great idea for a kids' book and you execute it really well too. I can really see this, with some excellent illustrations, in a bookshop. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

Mmmm .. a cheese table? I am, in fact, now thinking of a vintage chedder to replace my old wooden one. This is a lovely story and I'm sure it will capture the hearts of many.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

Hey,
I can already see this as a Disney movie - it had the feel and twist of a Stuart Little - it was funny, quirky, filled with character connection and I can tell you truly that my sons (even my older one) would love to read this and I can't wait until it gets published so I can say, "Oh, I remember reading this on Authonomy once..." Just a brilliant work for kids - (and I loved Sir William myself...regardless the age this is a timeless piece) My mother's hat is off to you - WELL DONE!!!!! Sincerely, April

Where were books like this when I was a kid? I may have turned out better! A delightful read, and the Finlandia cheese round table is a very nice touch. Backed with pleasure!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

I totally love it!

Very visual (great potential for a movie), witty, intelligent and grabbing.
I will buy many copies once this is in print: for all the children I know and love.

Excellent story.

Backed with utmost pleasure.
Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Fantastic! I love how the mice eat the table. This is so funny. Backed!

Dear Rakhi : Thank you for your kind comments on Adam's Apple. As you are interested in historical characters you might also find Tiger's Heart worth a read.
I very much enjoyed reading about the courtly mice, but I am much too old and distant from childhood to make a critical judgement. It is very imaginative and well-written, and on that basis alone I am happy to back it. You have presumably based the character of William on La Cote Male Taile, about whom, by a coincidence, I wrote a long poem when I was a young man. I think you could make more of his awkwardness and clumsiness in the early stages of the story and suggest you have another look at the Malory version.
Incidentally, I think it is the heading of chapter 2 where you split an infinitive, a grammatical rule that is usually ignored these days, but it does stick out in a children's story and would, in my view, read better if avoided.
Anyway, I am happy to back the book and wish you luck with the publishers.
Leslie Rocker