Book Jacket

 

rank 1280
word count 13570
date submitted 25.01.2010
date updated 03.02.2010
genres: Science Fiction, Children's, Comedy...
classification: universal
incomplete

The Flesh-eating Diplomat from Outer Space

Marvel Gumshoe

Can Robert and Angela defeat the Zarqon invaders and rescue Granddad before humankind is made into soup and sandwiches?

 

ALL OF THE ROYALTIES FROM THIS BOOK WILL GO INTO HELPING CHILDREN SUFFERING FROM EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA. PLEASE MAKE A SPACE FOR THIS ON YOUR SHELF.

This is the first three installments of an illustrated series for children, urchins and adults aged 6-9. In these three tales we meet Robert and Angela Bubble, their whacky grandad, their angry babysitter and a host of alien baddies bent on evil deeds.
Angela Bubble is an 8 year-old girl with red hair, freckles and a big broad mischievous smile. She looks up to her brother, Robert, but he annoys her sometimes because he is always trying to be the boss.
Robert Bubble is a 12 year-old boy with brown hair and a semi-permanent serious expression. He loves his baby sister but wishes she would listen to him more.
Ernest Bubble, explorer, is a 75 year-old man with mad grey spiky hair and a beaten-up brown hunting hat. He is brave to the point of recklessness and he isn’t a very good explorer. He has been compared to Harrison Ford by himself.

Greta the Babysitter is too scary and downright mean to warrant any exposure here.

 
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Green-eyed Goopers and Eight-legged Narls


 
“WE INTERRUPT this cartoon to bring you an important newsflash...Ernest Bubble, famous explorer, is missing and presumed eaten,” said the newsreader.
 

 
The TV room of the modest moon apartment fell silent; the only noise was the ticking of the digital clock and a faint bark of a Moon Dog somewhere in the distance.
 

 
Angela Bubble’s jaw dropped, little crumbs of strawberry muffin falling onto the settee. Robert looked up from his jigsaw, his eyes wide.
 
“While mapping the jungle moon of Ka-jing,” the newsreader continued, “he was separated from his team. It has been reported that his brown hunting hat has been found with tooth-marks on the rim. The team have returned safely to the Moon and were heard to jibber ‘Green-eyed Goopers and Eight-legged Narls. In other news -
 

 
“Granddad!” shouted Angela. “GRANDDAD’S MISSING!” She turned to Robert, her older brother, the maker of plans, and he was already deep in thought.
 
 

“Fear not, little sister, I have a plan.” said Robert. He chucked his jigsaw pieces onto the floor and raced to the shiny metal cupboard in the corner of the room. Moonballs, zero-gravity badminton racquets and all sorts of junk were flung over his shoulder as he emptied the cupboard searching for his flight suit and helmet.
 

 
“I’ll ring Mum and Dad,” said Angela.
 

 
“Not part of the plan,” said Robert. “By the time they get back from their conference on Jupiter it will be night on Ka-jing and Granddad will be turned into a popsicle. No, we will have to rescue him ourselves.

 

“But won’t they be mad at us?”

“They’ll be madder if Granddad is a popsicle. Anyway, if we do this right, they’ll never find out.”

 

“Aha!” exclaimed Robert, pulling out a pair of tattered silver flight suits and two brown glass helmets. “Now, put these on.”

 

“But what about Greta?”

 

“Ah yes, my Nemesis, Greta the babysitter. Tell you what, you distract Greta and I’ll fire up the Space Jet.”
 

 
Angela, tripping as she tried to pull on her suit, stumbled into the kitchen. Greta was sipping tea and reading a book.
 

 
“Err, Greta - do you mind if me and Robert go outside and play?” she said nervously eyeing the dark, starry sky out of the kitchen window.
 

 
“Whatever. Do what you like,” said Greta, stuffing a giant doughnut into her large mouth. She continued to read her book and paid no attention to Angela at all.
 
Angela turned to go and tip-toed silently towards the kitchen door. BAM! She jumped with fright as Greta slammed her book on the kitchen table. She spun around to see Greta bounce her large body out of her chair.
 

 
“Stop right there, you little terror,” Greta said. She grabbed Angela roughly by the arm. “What are you two up to?” Greta tightened her grip. “Dressed in flight suits? At this time of night? I ought to spank you both fer, fer being kids! Nasty little kids!” Greta said, little gobs of spit filling the air. “And me, a kind woman, giving up her night in front of the telly to baby-sit you worthless urchins.”
 

 
“I’m sorry, but-”
 
“Sorry! Sorry!” Greta snapped. “Sorry for what! I’m going to lock you in your bedroom in the dark.” Greta’s green eyes widened as she stared down at Angela, a bitter grim scowl on her face, and a smidge of doughnut jam on her round chin.
 
“Sorry for what!” Greta repeated, shaking Angela’s arm.
 

 
Angela didn’t blink. She looked at Greta’s wobbling cheeks and the messy nests of black hair upon her head, and she then fixed her stare squarely, grimly, into those crazy green eyes.
 
“Sorry for this!Angela drew back her steel-toed space boots and delivered an unmerciful kick to Greta’s shins. As it wasn’t in her nature, immediately she wished she hadn’t.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry. It’s Granddad. He’s missing. Gotta go. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
 

 
Greta’s face grew flushed and she exploded into a scream, releasing her grip on Angela and grabbing her poor battered shin. She hopped twice before stumbling to the ground. “AHH! She’s killing me. That red-haired witch is killing me!” she wailed. But with a swish of the kitchen door Angela was gone.
 

 

 
***


 
“Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!” Angela exclaimed as she clambered into the space jet. “I think I might have killed Greta.”
 

 
Robert was concentrating on pressing the right buttons in the right order. Red. Then green. Then red twice. Then orange.
 

 
BOOM! The rockets fired up.
 

 
Fasten your belt. What did you do to Greta?”
 
“Well I kicked her in the shins. Can someone die from kicking in the shins?”


 
Robert laughed. He pushed the last two buttons for take off and pulled back the launch lever. Granddad had taught him very well in the art of launching…hadn’t done very much yet in the art of landing but he would worry about that later.
 

 
“Nobody ever died from a kick in the shins, Angela.”
 

 
Robert reached over and held her hand.
 

 
“As Granddad would say – ‘Watch out Space, here we come!’
 

 
The Space Jet tore out of the launch bay of their modest moon apartment and Angela and Robert were forced back into their chairs by the speed of the take-off. Robert tried to speak but, as his cheeks were wobbling, all that came out was ‘Blauble’. If they looked back they would have seen Greta, all dressed in black, waving her plump fist in the air, her hair just the slightest bit on fire.
 

 
“Greta will be fine,” said Robert as the Space Jet settled into a more comfortable speed. “Now set our course for the jungle moon of Ka-jing.”
 

 
“How did we ever wind up with such a nasty babysitter?” said Angela, leafing through the space directory. “I mean, she’s so nice around Mum and Dad and then she turns into a dragon when they’re gone. And all the doughnuts. She eats all the doughnuts.”
 

 
“Do you have the address of Ka-jing yet?” asked Robert, trying not to let Angela see him puzzling over the array of buttons marked ‘Landing’.
 

 
“Yup. It’s the third exit on space highway 75. Follow the ring of the asteroid belt and left at the second red sun.”
 

 
“Great. Now tap it into the Sat Nav and away we go,” Robert replied, trying in his mind to remember the rhyme his Granddad had used to explain the landing sequence.
 

 
‘Red first
 
Yellow is worst
 
Never green
 
Till land is seen
 
Blue next
 
Then purple text’
 

 
‘So is it red then blue then purple then green or red then green then blue then purple?’
 

 
“Why is yellow even in the rhyme?” he called out, forgetting himself for a moment.
 
“Sorry?” said Angela.
 

 
“Err, nothing,” Robert replied.
 
“I know you Robert Benedict Gonzaga Bubble. What is the matter?”
 

 
Angela removed her helmet and brushed back her hair with her hand. Although she was his little sister, she had picked up a few tricks from her mother and one was that if she used all of Robert’s names he tended to tell the truth.
 

 
“Now, tell me.” she finished, brushing a last lock of hair away from her freckled face.
 

 
Robert Benedict Gonzaga Bubble gulped.
 

 
“Honest truth sis, I don’t know how to land.”
 

 
“Well we are both going to die then, aren’t we?” she replied, a slight sniffle escaping from her brave face.
 

 
“We’ll be fine,” continued Robert, “just fine. I know most of the landing sequence. I only need to figure out the last button. That’s all. Don’t worry.”
 
 

Angela stared out of the porthole, ignoring Robert in the most deliberate way. The Space Highway was quiet, only a few space-buses and astro-taxi’s dodging the occasional unwelcome asteroid. A comet streamed across the blackness and exploded into a large blue-green planet.

  
 
“ARRIVING KA-JING TWENTY SECONDS,” announced the Sat Nav.
 

 
“Fine…just fine…” Robert muttered. He scanned the landing buttons for one last time.
 

 
He pressed the red button. A low grinding noise followed and the Space Jet began to slow.
 

 
“See,” he said, trying to reassure his sister who was still not talking to him.
 

 
The yellow button flashed.
 

 
He pressed the blue button. Nothing happened. He pressed it again and it lit up.
 

 
The yellow button flashed.
 

 
“Nearly there,” he said. A bead of sweat dripped from his forehead and traced a line down to his chin. “Nearly there.”
 

 
The Space jet was now moving at a steady pace towards a small red and green moon, orbiting a large orange planet.
 

 
“Robert!” shouted Angela, pointing out of the front window of the Space Jet. “That must be Ka-jing. I don’t like the look of that big planet.”
 

 
“Quiet now. I’m trying to concentrate,” snapped Robert.  He ran the rhyme through his head once more.
 

 
‘Red first
 
Yellow is worst
 
Never green
 
Till land is seen
 
Blue next
 
Then purple text’
 

 
The yellow button flashed. Tempting Robert to press it with the urgency of its blinking.
 

 
Robert was searching for the purple text. He couldn’t see any. Ka-jing was getting very, very close. Angela. Put your helmet on.”
 

 
“Don’t know if I want to now. What’s the point?
 

 
“Angela Winifred Concepta Bubble – put on your helmet!” Robert demanded, having learned a few things from his mother too.
 

 
Angela put on her helmet.
 

 
The Space Jet rocked to and fro as it got closer to Ka-jing. Robert put his finger on the green button. Where was the purple text? The ship was rattling and groaning as it hurtled at what felt like a million miles an hour towards the moon’s surface. Both Angela and Robert were pushed back into their seats by the speed of it all. Robert struggled to keep his finger over the green button and he wasn’t sure what to do next. Where was that purple text? Should he press the button now? They could both make out the green of the land now and they were hurtling ever faster towards a crushing, crashing death. A sentence blinked on the screen in front of Robert. It read, in purple letters – ‘Thank you for not pressing yellow. Press green now.”
 

 
Robert sunk his finger into the green button. KERCHUNK!
 

 
The space jet stopped dead in mid-air, throwing Robert and Angela up in their seats. But for the safety belts, thought Robert, they would have gone through the roof of the ship.
 

 

 
The bottom door of the Space Jet opened and Robert unfurled the rope ladder, which sailed downwards and swayed gently from side to side between two large trees, barely tipping the ground.
 

 
“That’s a long way down,” said Angela
 

 
“Don’t worry. I’ll go down ahead of you and you can grab onto me if you fall.”

 

“The word ‘fall’ doesn’t really help.”

 
 
True to his word, Robert went first. And he didn’t mind at all that Angela trod on his head on every second step.
 

 
Reaching the grassy ground, he rubbed his sore head, messing up his brown hair that had been flattened by his helmet and his sister’s shoes. He liked his hair to be messy and spiky – like Granddad’s.
 

 
“Right,” he said, helping Angela off the last step of the ladder, “we have to be on the look-out for Green-eyed Goopers and Eight-legged Narls.”
 
“Do we have any weapons?” asked Angela.
 

 
“Eh, no,” replied Robert.
 

 
“What do Goopers and Narls look like, then?”
 

 
“Well…Goopers are green and Narls have eight legs,” Robert answered.
 

 
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, do you?”
 

 
“I do, I do. Of course I do,” replied Robert. He pretended to scan the landscape for something green and something eight-legged. “Now, just stay behind me and you’ll be safe.”
 

 
However, Robert turned around and Angela was gone.
 

 
“Angela! Angela!” he yelled.
 

 
“I’m over here,” she called from between two large green trees which were swaying, even though there was no wind. 
 

 
“Well don’t go missing on me again. D’ya hear me! You don’t know what could be dangerous here. What if those trees were meat-eaters?
 
 

“They’re not. They’re swaying trees. They only eat flies.”

 

“That’s not the point.”


 
Robert paced determinedly past Angela.
 

 
“Why don’t we have any weapons?” said Angela, catching up to Robert.
 

 
“You’re eight and I’m twelve. Getting weapons is not easy at our age.”
 

 
Angela pointed here accusing finger. “You forgot them, didn’t you,”
 

 
“Ok! Ok! I forgot them! So arrest me!” Robert said, putting his arms in the air.
 

 
“Well I didn’t,” Angela replied. There was a very definite glint of danger in her eye.
 

 
“What have you got?”
 

 
Angela put her hand into the pocket of her flight suit and pulled out some small silver balls. She put her hand into her other pocket and pulled out some small red balls. She showed them to Robert in her open palms, a big, broad, proud smile on her face.
 

 
“What are they?” Robert asked with a confused curl on his lip.
 

 
“The silver ones are exploding whatchamacallits and the red ones are freezing thingamabobs.”
 

 
“They’re sweets Angela. They’re sweets. You eight year-olds and your imaginations. I don’t know.
 

 
Robert shrugged and walked on ahead. “Follow me!”.
 

 
“They’re not sweets, Angela said quietly to herself. She licked the outside of one of the red balls and had to admit to herself that they did taste a bit like aniseed balls.
 

 
As they made their way through the deep green jungle, the barking of Kakapoop birds and the grinding of Grinding Walloos echoed through the air as the light of the two red suns grew dimmer and dimmer. Orange-mint flies buzzed around, avoiding Roberts swatting hands with ease.
 

 
Robert! Robert!”

 

Robert, who was now several paces ahead of Angela, stopped.
 

 
“What? C’mon, we have to hurry. It’s getting late and if we don’t find Granddad he’ll freeze when night comes. Night on Ka-jing is colder than, colder than…well it’s very cold.”
 

 
“Do you know where we’re going, then?” she asked.
 

 
“No. But how big can this place be?”
 

 
“I think it’s very big. I was looking at it from the Space Jet and it’s very big indeed,” Angela replied. “Only I have a map in my pocket and Granddad marked on it where he was going and I didn’t want to fuss but it looks like we might be going the wrong way and -
 

 
“You have a map? You have a map and you are only telling me this now?”
 

 
“Well Mum says that men don’t like maps, that they never look at them…so I thought you wouldn’t want it.”
 

 
Robert grabbed the map from Angela’s hand and began inspecting it.
 

 
“It’s upside down!” said Angela
 

 
“I knew that. I knew that.” Robert fought to turn the large map the right way up.
 

 
“According to this, Granddad should be right over there!” exclaimed Robert, pointing to a clump of trees about five hundred metres away. Angela was pointing in the exact opposite direction.
 

 
“Yes. That’s right. That’s what I meant. Over there!” he continued, pointing now at a large clearing about five hundred metres in the opposite direction.
 

 
Glomp. Glomp GLOMP!
 

 
A pounding, squelching noise raced past them.
 

 
Glomp. Glomp GLOMP!
 

 
The branches of the trees shook as the noise came back.
 

 
Angela and Robert’s eyes were drawn to the source of the commotion and before them they saw their very first Green-eyed Gooper. It was hideous: six eyes floating on a jelly head, where you could see the brain through the green jelly. It had a hole for a nose and a large mouth with even larger teeth - teeth which it would seem were designed for a much larger mouth. It had a massive belly, which had a second mouth with even larger teeth and its feet were like two large jellies, with brains in them.
 

 
“Ughhh!” screamed Angela.
 
“Ughhh!” screamed Robert.
 

 
“Glomp!” burped the Green Gooper, before belching loudly and ejecting a spray of green gunk from its belly-mouth.
 

 
“Ughhh!” screamed Angela and Robert, as the warm green gunk splattered all over them.
 

 
Angela reached into her pocket and pulled out the silver sweets, hurling them at the Green Gooper.
 

 
KABOOM!
 

 
Turns out they weren’t sweets after all. The Green Gooper exploded into a million pieces of green jelly and teeth and brains, most of which, it seems, landed on Robert.
 

 
“Ughhh!” screamed Robert. He stood stock still, letting the gunk and brains and teeth slide down his body. He palmed off enough mucus to see. Angela used a branch and some leaves to scrape the guck off her suit.
 

 
“Sweet,” he said. And Angela winked at him. Robert shook like a wet dog and most of the teeth and brains scattered from his hair. “Where did you get them?”


 
“Granddad gave them to me. He said that they were for emergencies and that I wasn’t to eat them…but the red ones taste like aniseed. Here lick one.” Angela extended her hand and offered Robert a red ball.


 
“Right. Give ‘em to me. I’m older. I should have them.”
 

 
“Not fair!” Angela replied, reluctantly handing over the red ball.
 

 
“All of them!” Robert demanded. He left his hand extended as Angela rummaged in her pocket.
 

 
The twin red suns were starting to set as they reached the clearing and even through their flight suits they could feel the deadly chill of Ka-jing night approaching.
 

 
In the centre of the clearing were the remains of a campfire, still sparking slightly.
 

 
“He was here,” said Robert, jabbing the dying embers of the fire with a stick, “but where is he now? Where is he now?”
 

 
He surveyed the darkening jungle, looking for any sign of which direction his Granddad had taken. Any broken branch or trampled plant would have given him a clue but he could see nothing.
 

 
“Granddad! Where are you Granddad!” shouted Angela.
 

 
“Shh! Shh!” Robert hushed loudly before continuing in a whisper - “We don’t know what’s out there. Do you want all the Green Goopers and Eight-legged Narls to know we’re here?”
 

 
“No, I only wanted to help. Sorry I did the wrong thing,” said Angela, blushing.
 

 
“Wait!” whispered Robert, grabbing Angela by the arm. “What’s that…over there…”
 

 
Angela squinted. It was getting dark and she was very, very cold. Then she saw it. Between two trees, when they swayed the right way, she could make out the amber colour of a fire in the distance.
 

 
“Do you think he’s there?”
 
“It’s our only chance Angela, our only chance. If he’s not there then we’re all done for.”
 

 
He headed off quickly and Angela followed. They broke through the trees and deep into the jungle, eyes focused on the flames in the distance.
 

 
“I think I can see them, the Narls,” said Angela in a whisper.
 

 
They edged closer to the clearing and the campfire.
 

 
“I think I can see Granddad,” whispered Robert with a quiver in his voice.
 

 
Angela let out a squeak but Robert cupped his hand over her mouth before it could become a scream.
 

 
“I’m going to take my hand off your mouth but you’ll have to promise me that you won’t scream. Do you promise?”
 

 
Angela nodded and said ‘mumph’. Robert slowly withdrew his hand.
 

 
Robert – the Narls, they’re cooking Granddad!” Angela said in a high-pitched whisper.
 

 
“I know. I know. I have to think. What is my plan?
 

 
“Kuh-nick. Kuh-nick,” clicked the Narls loudly to each other as they went about their business, mixing up large bowls of leaves with grated pompom vegetables and pounding bright red tubble fruit into the mixture. The tallest of the Narls, and they were very tall, maybe seven or eight feet tall, licked his red lips with his long black tongue as he poured some gravy over Granddad.
 

 
“When I get down from here I’m gonner take those arms of yours and make me a nice set of chairs with’em,” Granddad roared.
 
“And you call that a fire! Hah! I’ve seen hotter snow.”
 

 
“Well he’s alive anyway, that’s something,” Robert whispered to Angela, who was rolling the blue ball that she had neglected to tell Robert about between her fingers.
 

 
“Kuh-nick. Kuh-nick,” clicked the largest Narl, throwing more wood on the fire.
 

 
“What’ll we do? What’ll we do?” Angela asked Robert. He was in deep thought, his eyes focussed on Granddad rotating on the stick above the fire. Granddad’s clothes were beginning to singe. Little threads caught alight and burnt briefly.
 

 
“I’m not sure sis, not sure. What would Granddad do?”
 

 
“He'd probably charge in and make a lot of noise.”
 

 
Robert’s eyes grew wide. “That’s it. I have my plan. Do you think you can make a noise like a Gooper?” And Robert whispered his instructions.
 

 
“Are you sure this is gonna work, Robert?”
 

 
“No. But it’s all we have. Now do you know what to do?” Robert’s hand was firmly on his sister’s shoulder. He gave her a squeeze, kissed her on the forehead and she nodded and disappeared into the jungle.
 

 
Robert strode, with as much bravado and confidence as he could muster, into the camp of the eight-legged Narls.
 

 
“I am the great Robert! Lord of this Jungle!” he roared as he walked up to the centre of the Narl Camp.
 

 
“Kuh-nick? Kuh-nick?” the Narls clicked to each other, stopping their various cooking tasks to gaze at this strange small meal that had noisily entered their camp.
 

 
“Robert!” called Granddad from his stick, “Dreadful business this, will just get myself free and we’ll be out of here in a jiffy. Don’t let the Narls scare you. They’re seven foot-tall, eight legged, eight-armed wimps when it comes down to it. Watch their spit though – it’s absolute poison – tastes like brussels sprouts.” And Granddad pulled at the knots that bound him hand and foot, making a kind of ‘gnurf’ sound.
 

 
While the Narls tiny blue eyes examined Robert, thinking of appropriate sauces and dressings for this new little dish, Angela had crept around to the far side of the camp where she was busy on the second part of the plan.
 

 
“Now I’m just gonna go up here, quiet like, and untie my Granddad. Don’t none of you move, if you know what is good for you!”
 

 
And calm as you like, though his tummy felt like it was going to escape through his bottom, he walked up to his Granddad and made to untie the knots.
 

 
“Atsa boy. Robert. You show these weaklings what the Bubbles are made of. Would have punched their lights out myself if they hadn’t so many darned arms,” Granddad said, tugging again on his ropes.
 

 
“KU-NICK! KU-NICK!” clicked the Narls angrily and the four of them scuttled over to Robert on their combined total of thirty-two legs.
 

 
As they reached him, a deep but familiar noise floated towards them and the trees behind their camp shook.
 

 
Glomp. Glomp. GLOMP. Glomp, Glomp, GLOMP.
 

 
The clicking of the Narls grew rapid as they nodded first at each other, then at Robert and then at the shaking trees.
 

 
“That’d be my friend, the Green-eyed Gooper.” said Robert. “And those Goopers sure do love to eat Narls. Yummy. They eat ‘em right up.”
 

 
Robert made a clacking noise with his teeth, then licked his lips and rubbed his hand on his belly, whilst pointing at each of the Narls, one by one.
 

 
The closest Narl to Robert spat at him, and euuuuchhh, it tasted of brussels sprouts. The four Narls armed themselves with sticks from beside the fire and turned towards the noise, clicking wildly.
 

 
“Quick Granddad! We haven’t much time.” Robert fumbled and tugged at the knots of rope.
 
“Ow! Ouch! Ow!” he blurted in pain as the flames licked at his fingers.
 

 
He hurled the red freezing thingamabobs on the fire and it turned instantly to a block of iced wood. He snatched a glance around as he untied the last knots, just in time to see the Narls disappear into the jungle and to see Angela, her face all blacked-up with dirt, emerge from behind a bush and run towards him.
 

 
“Good glomping, kid,” he said, winking at Angela.
 
“Wow, when you glomp into a space helmet it really GLOMPS!” Angela returned and glomped twice into her helmet to prove the point. The noise echoed and came back out louder than ever.
 

 
“GLOMP! GLOMP!”
 

 
“No Angela!” exclaimed Robert as he freed Granddad from the last of the knots.
 

 
The rustle in the jungle told Robert what he feared. The fresh GLOMPS had lured the Narls back into the camp. 
 

 
“I’ll take you all on, you big eight-legged chickens!” yelled Granddad. He put up his fists and punching the air.
 

 
“Not now, Granddad. Not now. RUN!” shouted Robert. He grabbed Angela’s arm and she flew into the air as he launched into a sprint.. Granddad dropped his dukes and fled after them and in fact after a few paces he was quite a way in front of them.
 

 
Branches and leaves and vines and bats and spiders and webs and a chill wind all brushed past Robert’s face as he and Angela ran like demons through the jungle. Ducking, diving, jumping, tripping, climbing, running. Granddad was still ahead of them, his grey hair flying backwards as he leapt over tree stumps and hacked at loose branches with his arms.
 
Behind them, they could hear the ‘Kuh-nick’ of the pursuing Narls, growing louder as they came ever closer.
 

 
“Got any exploding whatchamacallits left?” Robert yelled between breaths as he leapt over a fallen tree.
 

 
“I wish!” replied Angela, tumbling under a low branch.
 

 
“Granddad! The Space Jet is to the right!” roared Robert.
 

 
Angela heard the sound of the pounding feet of the Narls as she watched Granddad run off to the left.
 

 
“The other right!” she yelled and Granddad reappeared briefly in front, before scrambling off in the correct direction.
 

 

 
The twin red suns were shining their last and the night was actually their saviour. As the darkness descended they could very clearly see the Space Jet because a yellow light was flashing somewhere in the cockpit and it was their beacon.
 

 
Granddad was running so fast that he smacked right into the rope ladder, falling down before pulling himself up and ascending like a monkey. Robert was second to the foot of the ladder but waited until Angela arrived, helping her up the first few steps. He then began to climb himself. After only ten or eleven rungs the Narls were upon him. The first one climbed up rapidly and tried to grab his leg but he stamped on its head with his boot and it fell down again. He made it up a few more steps before another made a grab for his leg, this time pulling hard on him. He held onto the rope for dear life, scorching his hands as it pulled him down.
 

 
“Watch out below!” shouted Granddad and what must have been a chair was pushed out of the Space Jet. It shot past Robert, who just about dodged it in time, and the second Narl was bumped off the ladder.
 

 
Robert scrambled up, his hands really hurting. He took one last look down as he tumbled into the Space Jet, catching sight of another Narl hurtling up the ladder at a ferocious pace.
 

 
“Get it! Get it!” roared Robert. The Narl loomed over him, its black tongue extending down like an eel and a single gooey drop of smelly saliva ready to fall.
 

 
Granddad raised his fists and danced in the style of a boxer.
 

 
“I’ll fight you. I’ll fight you.”
 

 
Angela raced at the Narl, which was momentarily distracted by Granddad’s curious movements. She kicked hard and the Narl’s shin made a loud CRACK. She’d done this before. While it ku-nicked and hopped, Granddad pushed the wailing Narl out the hatch of the Space Jet.
 

 
“Release the ladder, quickly!” said Granddad.
 

 
Robert smacked the release button and closed the hatch.
 

 
“Now secure your seats and let’s get outta here!”
 

 
Robert and Angela jumped into their seats and strapped themselves in.
 

 
“Press the yellow button, Robert!”
 

 
“What does the yellow button do?” His finger hovering, unsure of itself.
 

 
“It’s the super-dooper powerjet hyper-intergalactic boom button. Now press it!” said Granddad
 

 
Robert nervously began to press down. The CLUNK of rocks hitting the ship, doubtless hurled by the Narls, didn’t help.
 

 
KA-BOOM
 

 
The Space Jet fired up all engines and shot out into space like a cat on fire.
 

 
Robert shook himself down, spiked up his hair and wobbled in his seat. The take off had thrown him around a bit but that was the least frightening experience that he’d gone through today.
 

 
“Jingbats!” he said. “Granddad, you have got to stop getting yourself into these situations. We can’t rescue you every time.”
 
“Robert, my good man, who rescued who? Huh? Ask yourself that…who rescued who?” and he winked a knowing wink to indicate that he knew what he was talking about, even if nobody else did.
 

 
“What’s that you got there?” Robert asked Angela. She was tossing a small blue ball between her hands.
 

 
“That,” said Granddad, “is a poisonous blueball. One lick would be fatal. Horrible way to die.”
 

 
Angela tossed it into the air and Robert watched as it fell down into her open mouth.
 

 
“Nooo!” he screamed.
 

 
Angela chewed it a few times and then blew a very big bubble.
 

 
“Or it could be chewing gum…” Granddad concluded.
 

 

 
And so our three heroes returned safely to The Moon, where they were greeted by Greta, the babysitter of uneven temperament, with the singed hair. Greta did threaten to rat them out to their parents but, after a few quiet words from Granddad and the promise of a lorry-load of free doughnuts, she decided that this was probably not in her best interest.


 
The End…for now

 

Chapters

1

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Sar H wrote 323 days ago

Great book. Great Cause. Great characters and yes, I would have kicked Greta in the shins too! Backed with pleasure.

Owen Quinn wrote 715 days ago

You're helping kids so of course I have to back it and it's a good story too with characters and situations that kids will be enthralled by. Get it on facebook and blog it to get it out there and promote it. Good luck.

crazy mama wrote 735 days ago

Crazy Mama supports the book and the efforts to help children suffering emotional/psychological trauma.

Kidd1 wrote 735 days ago

An engaging story that we both enjoyed. Has a Disneyesque character about it. "Would make a good movie." according to my ten year old daughter.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

Kidd1 wrote 736 days ago

Backed for now, but will come back tomorrow and read it with my ten year old daughter. She love to read, and will help me in my comments.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
golden conspiracy

A Knight wrote 749 days ago

A brilliant children's book set out in easy to read instalments. This is appealing to all ages, and is something I could see myself reading with my son in a few years. It's quirky, funny and engaging, perfect for keeping hold of those attention spans.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

mariecapri wrote 759 days ago

Firstly, congratulations and well done! I hope you go on to have great success with your book and achieve your dreams with your work. The story is wonderfully written, humorous and the characters are delightful. Best of luck and backed with pleasure, mariecapri

DKTD1 wrote 769 days ago

Excellent, my kids will love it. Has that off-kilter feel of Dahl and Lemony Snicket. Kids love the strange and unusual... possibly because everything is strange and unusual when you're young.

Dan
Demons and Other Inconveniences

Lockjaw Lipssealed wrote 781 days ago

I LOVE THIS!! Nothig more to say.

Lockjaw

Francesco wrote 782 days ago

Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Hatts wrote 791 days ago

Hope this does well.
Hatts x

Burgio wrote 792 days ago

This is an interesting slant on a children's book. No cute cats or bunnies here. We get goopers and narls instead. I like children's books that feature older adults (I'm fast becoming one myself) so the pitch for this popped out at me. I think this is the kind of book you read over and over to children because each time you discover something new you didn't notice before in the pages. A good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Famlavan wrote 804 days ago

Great opening, great read!

Great dialogue, great story

Greatly backed!!

lizjrnm wrote 805 days ago

This is such a wonderful children's book - although my kids are grown now - I guess you'd consider them urchins - I still love a great picture book and this has all the elements to suck me right in and then some! This is the sort of children's book you keep as a collectors peice like on a coffee table - I'd love to see the illustrations (shame you can't do that here) and if they are as well crafted as the text then this is a Newberry Winner! Pay Attention Authonomy - this is a keeper!! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

jfredlee wrote 809 days ago

I started laughing while reading your pitch and kept right on through the chapters.

Delightful, high spirited book, which I'm sure will appeal to both kids and the same folks who enjoyed Kurt Vonnegut.

Still giggling as I back this.

Best of luck here.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

MKEthridge wrote 827 days ago

I think this will be a hit with your target audience.

Battle Knyght wrote 829 days ago

A patchwork of confused ideas. Multi-directional. Presents as a novel where the author has lost the plot.

BK

meemers wrote 831 days ago

Adorable with lots of suspense and humor, not to mention colorful characters and enchanting plot. My brother was a Zargon...

Well done,

backed with excitement for you
sue

Paddy Tyrrell wrote 831 days ago

What a great read even though I'm not a kid. Funny, imaginative, naughty as kids are - perfect. WIll back and hope you get it published. Paddy

Paddy Tyrrell wrote 831 days ago

What a great read even though I'm not a kid. Funny, imaginative, naughty as kids are - all in all, perfect. Will back this and hope you get it published. Paddy

Pat Black wrote 831 days ago

Hi there - sorry for the delay in the read. Excellent, off-the-wall kiddies' concept, the sort of thing that would really have appealed to me as a kid. Lots of Spike Milligan/Roald Dahl word-mangling and bizarrely-named creatures, plus an out-of-this-world plot that snags the imagination. Great stuff

Pat Black
Snarl

Aria wrote 833 days ago

This is hilarious! They'll be angrier if he turns into a Popsicle! Classic!

I really enjoyed reading this. It's got the perfect amount of silly names, evil badness, and all around funniness that is required for a comedy kids book.

Fantastic! Shelved.

petrifiedtank wrote 833 days ago

It's perfect.

Craig

chris burton wrote 833 days ago

Hilarious and probably the easiest book to back so far this year, a) because of the content and b) because of the cause.

damaris13 wrote 833 days ago

An absolute joy to read!

Backed!

JLux
Finding Letta

writingwildly wrote 834 days ago

Sounds like a lot of fun. I'd love to see the pictures.
Good luck helping the kids with this. I'm sure they'll enjoy reading it!
backed
Genevieve

shedscribe wrote 834 days ago

this is great stuff. made me want to be a kld again - felt like i was actually, reading it. kudos!

up on my shelf.

very best of luck with it. hope the royalties go far in helping children.

kelly
(chasing kate)

LeahPet wrote 834 days ago

Your pitch is hilarious.

“missing and presumed eaten.” LOL

“Oh my goodness, oh my goodness,” I had an Orphan Annie moment there. (But I’ve seen that movie entirely too much.)

I think you have him doing it because he’s being dramatic, but the way the brother is talking when they first hear about the grandfather sounds like being silly to me when I’d think he’d be upset.

Really, though, this whole thing is a riot. Far too many belly-laughs to list. Brilliant.

Leah Petersen – Mourn the Sun

Tawn Anderson wrote 834 days ago

What a hoot! Kids will just love this viusal and auditory feast. You've really captured the vivid imagination of kids. I think I actually had a babysitter like Great at one point in my life (and I can just see her jowles jiggling from the donut). I thoroughly enjoyed this read and wish you the best of luck! Backed!

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

Jim Darcy wrote 834 days ago

Lots of funny noises and weird creatures, just the job! Good story for a good cause. Jim D Serpent's Blood

Raymond Nickford wrote 834 days ago

This is an effective combination of science fiction and comedy which will surely engage and delight your target reader. Your portrait of Angela Bubble and brother Robert Bubble remind me of Toil and Trouble for the annoyance that Robert gives to his admiring sister. Backed for an endearing book and help to 'children suffering from emotional trauma'.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

sjbal wrote 834 days ago

Hi Marvel,
This is absolutely delightful. I enjoyed it enourmously and have no doubt that children (both big and small) everywhere will be enthrawled by the story. More than happy to place this little gem on my shelf.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Emoo wrote 835 days ago

This brought out the child in me. Good one.

Happy to back,

Hsiau Hsiau Moo

(The Monarch Butterfly)

Jane Alexander wrote 835 days ago

Have been feeling deeply grumpy for all sorts of reasons and not entirely sure how I came to be reading your book. But all I can say is that you have seriously cheered me up. I am a famous sour-puss but there is a smile (okay maybe more of a rictus) playing around my mouth.
I really love what you've done here. You don't hang around which is great because this age group sure as hell don't want long meaningful prologues . You just get stuck in right away. There is humour and sheer daftness and I reckon it's a winner. And, hey ho, I have no book to plug, no backings to seek, so take this as genuine praise, not authonogushing.

On my shelf forthwith, squire....and all power to your rise... Jane

Wilma1 wrote 835 days ago

Very happy to back this book both from the charitable donation and the content. I hope you write more its lovely, harmless and funny as a childs book should be.

Knowing Liam Riley

Sue Mackender

Cait wrote 835 days ago

The Flesh-eating Diplomat from Outer Space:

Delightful book for children. Will back this for my grandchildren. They'll love the glomps and ugghhs and KABOOM sound effects. :)

Normally I'm anti-exclamation marks but here, especially with the dialogue, they bring everything to life.

Juat a few punctuation errors.

Will back this soon.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

klouholmes wrote 836 days ago

Hi Marvel, Loved the wacky pace of this and for all the invented ideas, it reads smoothly and clearly. I was really involved there looking for the buttons. And Greta is hilarious. It only took a few paragraphs to explain the Narls and the Energy Vampires. It’s fun and the active prose seems right for the age. Sort of a space Roald Dahl. It caused me to visualize illustration. A pleasure to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

William Holt wrote 836 days ago

Lots of fun here--for children from 8 to 80! Shelved.

Bill

Louise Galvin wrote 836 days ago

My sense of humour is aged 6-9, so I enjoyed this a great deal. With its mix of surreal and kitchen-sink, and joyous silliness, I could, at points, hear Spike Milligan narrating this.

Fred Le Grand wrote 836 days ago

'Taint ma thang boay, but well-written in a pacy, light-hearted style with imagination and bubble-gum too!
Great stuff.

alias miss ferkit wrote 837 days ago

My brain is utterly useless right now, but...I believe I can tap out a couple of things that strike me: insane, out-of-body hilarity and...perfect comic timing. For kids? Too good for kids! Or - No, what am I thinking. Too good for adults. This bit of work is further proof (as if we needed any) of Daniel Pinkwater's dictum: children are better readers than adults. Therefore, chidren's book writers must rise to the occasion and write better (with greater economy and precision) than they would if writing for adults.

Oh, backed.

Andrea Levin
(Last Days of the Transitional Objects Institute)

Barbara Silkstone wrote 837 days ago

I absolutely love this book. This is what childhood is all about. It's a joyous read. An instant classic.
Barbara Silkstone The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters.

Kolro wrote 837 days ago

I don't know why the ticking of the digital clock filled me with such amusement but it did. This is the kind of stuff kids will breathe in. Quick, funny and absolutely barking mad.

Alexander De Witte wrote 838 days ago

Brilliant book. Simply written. Very witty. A joy to read. Nice pitch and a very appealing book cover. This is accomplished work for children that adults can appreciate along the way.

Best Wishes for success.

Backed when I have a shelf slot.

Alexander

Tim Hawken wrote 838 days ago

Marvel Gumshoe, what a fantastic name!

This is a delightful book. Completely enjoyable and funny.

Great!

Tim H

Rakhi wrote 838 days ago

A simply written work of genius. I thoroughly enjoyed this. Greta is someone kids are going to love to hate. Angela is absolutely precious. Robert is the big brother that makes everything okay. I love the fast-paced start, kids like to get right into the action. Wonderful! Glad I backed this.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

Maggie P wrote 838 days ago

And anyway it's lovely, really funny, well done and hope you get all the way, Maggie P.

JimNikon wrote 838 days ago

"Marvel Gumshoe" captures the imagination of children Brilliantly in this book! Heck, I even loved this whimsical story and I'm 40 . . . .

Suzanne Adams wrote 838 days ago

This work has so much going for it - from the inspired name of the author to the child-appeal story, cute book cover in between. [good to see you've set your reader age! So many don't]. The very best of luck with this project.

S Richard Betterton wrote 838 days ago

I'd back this for the noble cause, but I'm not. I'm backing it because I think it's brilliant. A really good feel to it.
Cheers,
Simon

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