The Hanging of Margaret Dickson (REVISED)

Alison, it was good before - but now you have polished it to the point of perfection (well, no writing is perfect, but that's about as near to it as you can get). Love the description, love the use of words and construction of sentences - and, last but not least, the build up of the story. Six stars and backed.
AJB

Alison, it was good before - but now you have polished it to the point of perfection (well, no writing is perfect, but that's about as near to it as you can get). Love the description, love the use of words and construction of sentences - and, last but not least, the build up of the story. Six stars and backed.
AJB

Hi Strong writing and storytelling. Great introduction. Your characters are well drawn and the reader believes. This is a talent that not every writer has but you have plenty. I will come back and read in when I have time.
Backed with pleasure. I have given you six stars.
All the best with this.
Cheers Olga

What an intriguing, haunting, historical tale. And so well written.
Backed. And Best of Luck!

My first impression was how talented of a writer you are. Your sentences are active and beautifully constructed. They pulled me forward, and I was immediately engaged in your story. This reads much like a published novel. I'm highly impressed.

Loved the figurative language here: "At the bottom of the stairs she crept through a cobwebbed corridor into a sea of liquor glazed eyes."

The dialogue is well done. It fits the time, never slipping into modern speak. It's also tightly written and avoids tags. It felt very realistic.

I like the give and take between Johnny and Duncan. Great characterization. By the end of the first chapter your reader knows your characters well, and it was simply through their actions/interactions. This works extremely well because it establishes the world Maggie grew up in and the family she was raised by. I don't like Duncan!

Suggestion: I'd consider rewording to avoid the repetition of "sat" in back to back sentences in the second paragraph of chapter one. Honestly, that's it. I thought this was excellent, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Typos: Should be "liquor-glazed" since it's two words serving as a single adjective. The sentence starting, "Then her world tilted and she..." is a run-on sentence. Any time you have two or more independent clauses incorrectly connected, it's a run-on. Same with: "The doors to the drinking house..." Also the sentence after it. There were others as I continued to read as well. In fact, the run-ons were the only issue that jarred me from this otherwise brilliant opening. The second semi-colon in the sentence, "She bent round to look..." is misused. You have a stray comma in the third to last paragraph of the opening chapter.

This is outstanding. In my opinion, if you fix the run-ons, this will be of publishable quality. Highly rated. Well done!

This is great historical fiction. The setting and the dialog appear realistic. Maggie is a terrific lead character. The plot is strong.

You've got a good one here. Backed.

Brian Bandell
Mute

- The Hanging of Margaret Dickson -

First off, I should probably state in the interests of full disclosure that, as a Scot starnded in Germany who reads anything set in Scotland, I was bound to enjoy reading this. I read the prologue and first four chapters but couldn't bring myself to skip ahead to chapter 17 because I'm far too pedantic and must read chapters in order.

The most notable thing for me was the character of Margaret. She's very well drawn as an overly passionate young woman who only wants what's bad for her. You know from the off that she's going to get herself in trouble. These are traits she actually has in common with Effi Deans in Walter Scott's The Heart of Midlothian, which deals with a similar situation. Unlike Scott's novel though, The Hanging of Margaret Dickson definitely has that romance element running through it and Margaret makes an excellent heroine/anti-heroine who will satisfy a romance readership.

One thing that always interests me in books set in Scotland, particularly in historical books, is what the author will decide to do with the dialogue. Will they go for Scots fully or will they opt for standard English,perhaps peppering the conversations with the odd Scots word or turn of phrase. Both are fully valid as long as they're handled well and meet the target audience. The author has gone for the latter option and I'd say this is definitely the best decision as readers of a historical romance are unlikely to want to decipher 18th century Scots dialect, I'd imagine. And the dialogue is well handled. My only suggestions would be to consider sticking with the same item of vocab each time, e.g., in the MS, 'mither' and 'ma' are both used for 'mother' in the same part of the text, as are 'lass' and 'lassie'. I'd think about opting for one of the two and sticking with that.

The only other minor nitpick with dialogue was in the line "....telling me mither that you should have been a sea captain." Scots dialect generally doesn't replace 'my' with 'me' but rather uses 'ma'. So "....telling ma mither...".

The setting is something else I found to be well-executed. The Act Anent Child Murder not only sets things up well but also gives a sense of time and place right at the start in the language it employs. The atmosphere in the tavern is vivid and the historical details, e.g. Jacobitism, Calvinism etc, are well dropped in without being overbearing so you have a sense of where and when you are.

Some wee nitpicky typing/grammar things:
-'down hill' in the prologue should really be 'downhill' (one word) as it's an adverb.
-In chapter 3 there's "My back's gone done in" with 'done in' struck through with a line. Looks very much like the handiwork of Microsoft Word change tracker....
-Still chapter 3 - "pointed in the harbours direction." Should be 'harbour's.
-(Chapter 3 again) "About half way down the wynd..." Should be 'halfway' (one word) again as it's an adverb.

This is too be published soon (Best of luck!). I don't know whether it's through a publisher or whether it'll be self-published but if it's the latter, I'd make the following suggestions:
-Be sure to get in contact with the bookshops on Princes Street and the Bridges in Edinburgh. They have Scottish Interest sections that include a lot of Scottish historical fiction which is customarily scooped up both by locals and tourists by the barrowlaod.
-I'd also even get in touch with Maggie Dickson's pub as the thousands of tourists who come through their doors each year and fall in love with Maggie's story are bound to be interested in a book of her life.

In any case, many thanks to the author for posting this and giving me the chance to get a little nostalgia going for the Old Country.

Best of luck with it!

Ross

Dear Alison, As one of the authors who admire and backed "The Hanging of Margaret Dickson," I'm writing to ask you to read my revised "The Doctor of Summitville" and, if you find it publishable, to kindly give it some shelf time. Most comments have been highly complimentary, but progress in the ranking has been sluggish.

Thanks and best wishes, Bill

Alison, I've finally managed to get to your novel and read the first two chapters and found an extremely skilled and competent writer. You deftly weave in the historical detail that gives the reader a wonderful sense of the period and the place. The dialogue is also very natural and creates just the right touch of humour in places. This is such a great topic and you've skillfully drawn the character of Maggie, giving her a distinct and convincing personality. The one thing I would wonder and you might consider is to start the novel further along. You have a lot of backstory in the beginning with Ann and Duncan in which there is much narrative and very little scene setting. The same for the early part of Maggie's life. Though her background is important in helping the reader understand how she came to be the person she did, I think you can deftly weave in her backstory and start the novel when she's an adult, very close to the tme when the murder occurs. That way you can fully set the scene and her characterization in a full manner and it will be more Medi Res. Just a thought. I will read more. Kristin

Thank you, Alison. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I am highly impressed with your two works here and will look over your new one when uploaded.

This is one of my favourite works of historical fiction here. Very vivid and engaging. A good read even on the second time around.
Best,
John B Campbell

Hi Alison, have read a few chapters and am enjoying the story. You have a really good way of setting the scene. I feel like I'm there. I'm backing your book! Hope all goes well and thanks for backing mine
A.R. Fairney

Your pitch drew me in and i'm glad it did. It was a great read and I hope it goes far.
Leslie
"Love has no borders"

Hello Alison, I have read a few chapters of your book and thoroughly enjoyed them. Your writing is extremely good and your characters, well rounded and believable for the time-line. I wish to read some more when time permits, but in the meantime I am watchlisting and starring it highly with a view to placing it on my shelf when there is room later this week. Please remind me if I forget.
Would be grateful if you would, in return, take a look at my story PAPER DREAMS, please.
Best wishes,
Phyllis
PAPER DREAMS & A PASSING STORM

Alison, I read and star rated The Hanging of Margaret Dickson such a long time ago, but just realized I had never commented on the book, so here I am to comment.

This book jumped out and grabbed my attention as soon as I read the synopsis. Maggie is such a well developed character, one who is beloved to the reader in spite of being such a haughty girl. Perhaps it is her high spirited nature that makes her so enchanting. A girl who grows up with a sickly mother and a philandering father is bound to have some personality quirks. Patrick and James round out the cast very well early in the book.

This book is so well written that I was unable to discern any flaws. It flows smoothly, lulling the reader into the story so completely that it feels as if one is more a tag-along than an outsider. The visualizations are vivid and fresh, enabling the mind's eye to see the settings in which the story takes place.

I love this book and hope to see it make its way to the ED in the very near future. This one is publishable as is.

Best regards, Lisa
LJ Rutledge, Shadow Puppet

Hi there Alison,

Firstly, many thanks for backing my book - a lovely surprise! I have backed yours too for its excellent period detail and for the fact that it is not afraid to use full-on descriptions of scenes and characters. Some of those boring 'creative' writing teachers out there are always saying that writers must simplify simplify simplify but I don't always agree - English is a language with many sides to it. If simplification is the best way then why are so many people still obsessed with Dickens and Austen?? Rant over.

Good luck and keep going. Great work.

Tony

Alison - Your book has been on my w/list for ages. The scene of the desperate woman and her baby is vividly painted, and the reader is drawn in from the start, horror-stricken.
Ch.1. Back to earth, and in time, with a bump, in the form of a couple of petty theives. You know how to create a scene and fill it with action. But the plot bumps along a bit, taking unexpected turns as you provide the background.
Ch.2. The changes in time are a bit bewildering, though the writing is faultless. Now, I'm beginning to see where this going, when the story of Maggie and Patrick takes off. You draw her character and show her jealousy well.
You will remain as a favourite read, which is heading for my bookshelf. Meanwhile, multi-starred.
Jane, Breath of Africa.

I got up this morning after being up until 1AM baking and decorating a cake, cleaned my house top to bottom, and hosted a birthday party fo tmy 7 year old. I am wiped out and want nothing more than ti curl up and go to sleep, but I can't stop reading this. The characters are so meaty I might not need to eat tomorrow, and the writing is just beautiful. Well done. I would buy this in a heartbeat when published.
Meredith

From the pitch to the first read, this is a very captivating story. You have created some intriguing characters and have painted some great pictures. Admittedly, I've only had a chance to read the first two chapters. I look forward to spending time with your story this weekend.

Congratulations, starred and backed!
Be Brilliant and best wishes for your publication!
Skip-

Wow! A very good read! Vivid writing that fits the time period, without being overdone! Dialog flowed and conveyed the Scots brogue, but not too much dialect. Just like a good cook, this author provides the right amount of seasoning. I'm a huge fan of the Scottish historical - which has its own place in many genres. I highly recommend! I've watchlisted and will back!!!!

I read the first few chapters of your book and found it an enjoyable and entertaining read. Because of your clear choice of words you do a wonderful job of creating visual imagery.. I will read more later. Backed with pleasure.

Hi Allison,
I read chapter five this morning with coffee and enjoyed it. All of the interactions when Maggie came home and carried on were vivid and real.
Best wishes,
John B Campbell

I have read your first section of chapters. Such imagery! An entertaining read, to be sure.
Maggie just seems plain evil and no good. Looking up a minister's cassock! ...Did they not wear anything on under those in those days?
I do think it is a little too fast paced. I sense that you are in a hurry to get to the dramatic parts always- the hanging of course, but in each section, too. Like where Maggie eyes Patrick and tries to get him to leave Agnes.
Feels very authentic as far as the scenery and the dialogue. It doesn't feel forced or too thought out and that can be hard to accomplish.

Hi Alison,

You have been so kind as to back "Mademoiselle from Armentieres" and I promised to stop by, so here I am.

You have a very interesting premise for your story which leaves me keen to know more, and I think there are indications of quality in your writing. For me, at the moment, this is 'young' writing - writing which still needs development. I like it, have given it a good star rating and have watchlisted it. I want to do more than that, but I think - forgive me - that this has a way to go yet.

For me there is a little too much 'telling' rather than 'showing', I think, which holds me at a distance from the story. There is quite a lot I don't actually 'see'.

For instance, "The harbour was full of activity, the noise of hammers and screeching gulls piercing the air" is a statement. You as the writer have an image in your head associated with the words, whilst the reader can only view the images that you paint for them. What, for example, is the sea mill at the end of Kerr's Way? It sounds interesting.

I'll try to give you an illustration, using some of the ideas here but painting a scene from my own imagination.

"Now and again a voice would call out, one fisherman calling to another or to some companion working upon the cobble-stoned quay, and the sound would flicker and ripple and vanish, blown away by the icy wind that caused her to draw her plaid close around her. Iron rang on iron, hammers striking nails as boatmen made repair, the sea whispered on the ebb-tide sand and, above them, somehow always clearly audible, she could hear the maniacal laughter of the gulls."

Probably a very poor example, and there'd be much to add about sights, smells and the various labours of those at work here too. I just hope it's of some use to you.

Margaret Woodward's thoughts will almost certainly be more useful to you - this strikes me as a lady who is very much on the button.

Let me know how you get on, and remember I will be watching :-)

Although I agree with Margaret Woodward's comments and sound advice I found this version of Maggie's tale very convincing. Loved the atmosphere and the period detail. I was compelled to read it as on Thursday (3rd Feb) I was in Edinburgh. I attended a function in the beautiful Signet Library on Parliament square. During Reception drinks two women and one man dressed in the garb of Maggies day appeared and guess what? They regaled the audience with an oral version of her tale over the next twenty minutes. The whole audience including myself were spellbound. It is a most astonishing story with an ending ( which of course I unfortunately now know) more strange and dramatic than any fiction could be. I look forward to reading how you handle it.

A fascinating story, particularly as it is based on a real life. It is well written, very readable and contains some nice historical detail about the daily lives of the people of that day. I learnt some interesting things from it, including the word ‘concupiscence’! As I read I did worry a little about some of the dialogue sounding a little too modern, but as I’m no expert I can’t really make specific comments, although I see others have already done so. Still, this was only a minor distraction as the story swept me along. I see you’ve changed Ch.1 & 2, so I think you need to change the Epilogue and Synopsis to tally. The Epilogue really threw me as I couldn’t work out who was talking and who Clara was until I read the synopsis which gives the original plan for the book. I’m surprised no one has told this story before, but you have done a fine job of it – and the excerpts you’ve uploaded make for a nice condensed version that give a real feel for the whole book.

Hi Alison,
Now this is the way to begin a story. Action, tension, nimble narrative and still--beautifully crafted descriptions.
Brava. Starred and WL'd.
John B Campbell

Hi Alison,

This is not good - this is very, very good!

I haven't been through the multitude of comments below - but it's patent that people are sitting up and taking notice, and that this is going to fly. I bet more that one has said that you really can write; and Margaret Woodward's points can only be helpful; but I couldn't disagree more with Sheena Stewart. Chaque a son gout - but I was totally carried away with it - so much so that I would have missed the grammatical points even had they jumped up and smacked me in the face. In the YouWriteOn format, 5s for Pace and structure, Narrative voice, Settings, Dialogue (not much but very telling) and use of Language. That leaves Plot and Themes & Ideas - difficult, when the plot is not yours, and Themes & Ideas - which deserve a good mark even if the story is as much historical as anything.

I was thoroughly confused by the synopsis - but guess you have re-written your early chapters and not got round to amending that?

Now I have to go back, chastened, to my ow n piece!

AJB

Hi Alison,

You can certainly write! This new beginning is like reading an entirely fresh story (or is that my poor memory?!)
Yes, these new parts make a big difference to my eye.

I assume you still have some editing to do, but to help you along may I point one or two linguistic errors?

a) You have a tendency to make one sentence out of two. e.g. 'The boys were stick thin.. dust.' At that point either create a new sentence or use a comma and change walked to walking. I found a few similar examples.

b) There two boys, an older and a younger. To use oldest and youngest you need three or more.

c) Watch apostrophes. They are not used as plurals but to indicate that a letter or two has been omitted. Highlanders and Lowlanders have no apostrophe - but you need one a little later in 'fire's', a contraction of fire is...

d) the rowan tree branches, not braches

e) You sow corn but sew sheets.

I did come to a halt when I read 'the demise of the great dearth'. The phrase seems a bit of a mouthful and does not explain to the unaware reader that there had been several years of disastrous harvests bringing appalling famine in Scotland when a frightening number of Scots starved.

I do hope this helps. And I wish you every success with Maggie's story. - I shall shelve it again for the weekend!

Margaret

I wanted to back your book, but alas, I could not because of the way you are telling it. You should get rid of the story tellers and let us see the story through Maggie's eyes. It would be much stronger then. I gave up reading it at chapter 3 because of this. I will star your story though,
+

I lived in Edinburgh for eight years and know the story of Maggie Dickson well (and spent many an evening in the Maggie Dickson pub at the grassmarket). You write well and I was thrilled to see this story made into a novel. I'm not going to go over all the things that I liked about the story, because you have enough comments below which will do just that, Instead, I'm going to tell you three things I did not like about it (and which I believe hold the novel back).

First things first- skip all the things about James and Clara. Why do I want to read about them? I want to read about Maggie- get to her first and you will attract many more readers. I want you to show me Maggie's story through her eyes... I don't want you to tell the story by having James tell the story... it just didn't sustain my interest and is a storytelling device that will put editors and agents off this work (which is a shame, because your writing is very strong).

Secondly, Maggie has hardly been introduced and you have her accepting a marriage proposal from Patrick. A little more introduction here would be wonderful. I can't care about her story until I care about her- and it isn't until way into the chapter that I started to care about her. Build her up a little more- then the impact of her story will be stronger.

Thirdly, the scene with the fortune teller. Ugh. We know the plot, we know what happens- why do you need this scene? Why is it important? What function does it serve? Edit it out... please! Don't put an editor or agent off. Don't give them a reason to say no (which this hackneyed scene will).

This sounds harsh but I think your writing is good, and sometimes good writing and good ideas need some hard truths in order to help the writer progress. The story is fascinating and I think you could do well with it... but you do need to edit, and be brutal with your M.S.

All the best. Have w'listed and will shelve when I have the space.x

The prologue of this book is haunting and skillfully written. Did she kill her child? The question is a hook which flows rapidly into Chapter 1. Here a considerate and empathetic Johnny tells his wife Clara the story of Maggie Dickinson. Johnny unravels the tale of a little girl he calls Maggie and his emotions are seized by a tear. ‘I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye. “Smoky in here isn’t it?...” The reader will form an attachment to this man who stalwartly continues with the narrative. The customs of the time are expertly weaved together with exceptional dialogue and the brogue is easy to read. A dream in the second chapter conjures the essence of this fascinating story. As I raced through the betrothal and then to the fortune teller, I can sense this will be an extraordinary book. Very well written. Starred and on w/l. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

The Hanging of Margaret Dickson
I took the time to read the comments that specialized on historical facts and idioms, accuracy so necessary when dealing with historical fiction. For me, being from the States and simply enjoying the prose, the story not only worked well, but was thoroughly engrossing. The dialogue was well written and through chapter 3, I felt involved.
I will star and back as soon as possible. My best to you,
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

Dear Alison,

Your request for details of anachronistic words in your book made me realise I should keep pencil and paper by me when reading books on this site. The second reading was done as an editor, instead of someone reading for the joyous storyline, and I am afraid this threw up some points which need serious attention. I hope you will not let my comments discourage you, as potentially this is a very good book which I would like to see succeed.

I have read all the material you have posted and throughout you have a tendency to link several sentences into one, an error which would make an editor reject your book out of hand, no matter how good the story. Publishers today expect writers to do their own editing before offering work. If it is not immaculate, they won't even look at it because they can't afford people to put it right. An example in Ch 3 "Be bold with me like you are with the men...." You have one sentence which should be four. - And short sentences here would make the speech much more incisive anyway.

Spelling errors - lasciviously, tortuous - you would probably pick up during editing.

Mrs. - You are much more accurate later on when you use Missus - and I don't think they would use the term best friend's Mrs or Missus, a modernism.

Other terms which strike me as inappropriate for the 1700s are 'a looker', 'sensory', 'embrace change', 'all over you like a rash', 'paralytic(ally) drunk'.,'mutate', - and Dunc the drunk simply does not fit.

Scottish words: 'verra' - makes Scots wince. I know it appears in novels but it is a made-up term popular with comedians mocking the dialect.
'muckle' - does not mean very. It means large, or many, depending on context.
- I am still not comfortable with your use of 'nae'. There are several places where I am sure it is incorrect, if not in all.


In the hanging scene, the word sheriff is mis-used. In Scotland a sheriff is a senior member of the law courts and would certainly not be doing the job of policing the crowds around a hanging. Even historically his position was too important for that task. Watch out for magistrate, too. Remember that the Scottish legal system has always been completely independent of the English and has very different terminology, both past and present.

Points worth considering:
In the Prologue you describe the 'true church' as having carvings and gargoyles. From that I would assume you mean that this couple are Roman Catholic. Presbyterian churches were unadorned - starkly so.
It might be worth making it clearer there that a sheiling is a temporary, usually isolated summer dwelling.
Can you have hackles on your arm? The hackles run down a dog's neck and back and in some breeds they rise into a ruff, a line of erect hair, when danger threatens.
'A source of great charm exuded...' Why not just 'Great charm exuded...'?

A point of view switch spoils the scene between Maggie and the gipsy. Right at the end you suddenly switch to the gipsy, after sticking with Maggie and what she saw of the gipsy's reactions. Could you let Maggie continue and let her overhear the gipsy's words?

Ch 17. The hanging scene raised queries in my mind. Was a coffin provided for a hanged felon? Were they allowed to be buried in sacred soil? I suspect research will say they were buried in unmarked graves unboxed. And I am pretty sure that anybody hanged like Maggie would be rendered voiceless for hours, if not days.

Small errors: Patrick's mother appears to be called Barbara at the beginning and Betty later on. Isobel Tait becomes Isobel Lecke when Maggie's first child is born. And you say near the beginning that Maggie went up the hill to the river - but a river will always be at the bottom of a hill.

I do hope you will find these points helpful. Best wishes, Margaret

Alison

I think that Susana has a point. The Prologue is great, it sets the scene nicely...actually I'd go further and say excellently. The follow up then is confused by the POV that you use, and in fact it confuses yourself when his wife asks "...did the fisherman welcome her?" and you follow up with "he imagined" instead of "I imagined". You also use double speech-marks at one point and I don't think it worked. So what now? I suggest you try editing the first chapter only with a different POV and see if people prefer it? Try reading both to friends and get their feedback. Why should you do it? Well you have a very good story here (and this is not my thing at all and I'm enjoying it...so it must be very good?) and I think if you could improve on the telling you'll reap the rewards here.

Please take all points with a pinch of salt, as I'm about as accomplished as a ... thinking of something funny ...mushroom?

DJ-The Lost Cactus

Disclaimer: The above are the rantings of an unpublished author without previous experience and should be treated with the disdain they deserve.

Hi,
An excellent story, well-written with a lot of easy to read dialogue, making it a quick easy read and not a heavy historical tome!
BTW It's 'swatted' not 'swotted'.
I enjoyed reading this.
Backed.

Alison I’m pleased to see you still climbing. This is a great story you even made me feel cold as I read the abject poverty and the devastating decisions that have to be made. This book has drama and emotion. It would make an excellent film or dramatisation. It is a book that once started becomes a compelling read and I am pleased to be able to revisit it and award it the accolade it deserves. I wish you luck
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley

Hello Margaret,
Thanks for your kind comments. Margaret Dickson's story was around long before Scott's Heart of Midlothian ...and is a TRUE story, she DID survive her hanging. It was one of her ancestors (Willie Dickson) who suggested that I substitute no with "nae" and yes with "aye" so I assumed this was correct for a lowlander in 18th century.
May I ask...What modern terminology do you think I have used in prose? I wish to correct this.
Best,
Alison Butler :)

Dear Alison, At last I have read some of your fascinating book. - You are brave to tackle the same theme as Scott's Heart of Midlothian, albeit in a different period. I enjoyed what I read very much and thought your heroine very vividly portrayed.

I am a native Scots speaker, of the north and east dialects in Scotland. One thing which made me skid to a halt was your use of 'nae'. In the north it means 'not', not 'no'. You say you are Liverpudlian. If you are not naturally a southern Scots dialect speaker, or Northumbrian, may I suggest you corner somebody who is and ask whether this spelling is okay or should you be using 'Nay' as in more southerly Anglo-Saxon derived dialects. If it is stopping others as it is me, it is worth checking.

When I started reading I loved the way you 'caught' the cadences of 18th century speech in your narrator. That first scene is beautifully encapsulated, but later you move into 20th century mode, and here and there modern terminology jarred enough to spoil what is a really moving and very well told story. When you come to the final edit might it be worth pulling yourself out of the pull of the story and make yourself think about the phrases and words, and indeed attitudes, which the 18th century mind would not understand, whether or not educated. You have created a wonderful picture of the closed and bigotted society of the time, especially the thrall of the different religions. All that is needed is to cut the few anachrosims which damage that impression.

I have starred this book and will try to get it on to my shelf soon. I wish you well with it and look forward to reading it in print some day soon, in front of a cosy fire. Margaret

This book stayed in my mind long after I had finished reading it. I am happy to re back it as I believe this is one to publish. Amelia

Dear Alison, At last I have read some of your fascinating book. - You are brave to tackle the same theme as Scott's Heart of Midlothian, albeit in a different period. I enjoyed what I read very much and thought your heroine very vividly portrayed.

I am a native Scots speaker, of the north and east dialects in Scotland. One thing which made me skid to a halt was your use of 'nae'. In the north it means 'not', not 'no'. You say you are Liverpudlian. If you are not naturally a southern Scots dialect speaker, or Northumbrian, may I suggest you corner somebody who is and ask whether this spelling is okay or should you be using 'Nay' as in more southerly Anglo-Saxon derived dialects. If it is stopping others as it is me, it is worth checking.

When I started reading I loved the way you 'caught' the cadences of 18th century speech in your narrator. That first scene is beautifully encapsulated, but later you move into 20th century mode, and here and there modern terminology jarred enough to spoil what is a really moving and very well told story. When you come to the final edit might it be worth pulling yourself out of the pull of the story and make yourself think about the phrases and words, and indeed attitudes, which the 18th century mind would not understand, whether or not educated. You have created a wonderful picture of the closed and bigotted society of the time, especially the thrall of the different religions. All that is needed is to cut the few anachrosims which damage that impression.

I have starred this book and will try to get it on to my shelf soon. I wish you well with it and look forward to reading it in print some day soon, in front of a cosy fire. Margaret

Very tense writing. Even the prologue made me care about the woman and baby. Like the way you left it uncertain.

The theme is excellent and will interest many readers. Good cover and great pitch.

On my watch list till I get room on my shelf.

Best wishes, Joanna

Terrific writing so far. I have starred and will back.Further conmment to follow.Best of luck-Claire

Hi AJ,

"The Hanging of Margaret Dickson" is, overall, better crafted than "Baron's Law." I assume Hanging was written after Baron(?). If so, practice has helped your writing. Although, my general criticism still applies - shorten those sentences. Your theme is gripping and engages readers, but those long sentences can exhaust them, mentally. For example, try reading your sentence, copied below, aloud, without pausing to take a breath -

"Beside a shieling fireside, my dear wife sat, while I took upon myself the awkward task of making polite conversation, standing at a distance, watching the life's light in her eyes ebb away."

How does that sound and do you now feel like taking a long inhalation? Try something like -

"My dear wife sat beside a shieling fireside and I stood at a distance, watching the light in her eyes ebb away. I took upon myself the awkward task of making polite conversation."

Good luck, I've got the book on my watch list and gave it a good rating, but I'm not ready to put it on my bookshelf. Seriously, you've got great material and you can tell a tale - just put yourself in your readers shoes and pretend they are on a noisy, cold bus. Keep the comfortable for two reasons - 1. Readers will remain engrossed. 2. You are in a better position, having lulled readers, to deliver stronger emotional jolts.

Matthew Sawyer
Pazuzu - Manifestation

I found the prose in the first chapter positively mesmerizing, Alison, and I believe you've selected a premise and time that is haunting and significant. This is a book I would buy in heartbeat. I am reading on, but I want you know you deserve the highest stars and a place on my shelf.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

Absolutely lovely, Alison - a wonderfully written, extremely evocative tale of 18th century life. Your description is delicious. I was completely transported back in time and will happily back this book when a space becomes available on my shelf.

In the meantime, can I offer some well meant advice? Firstly, I loved the beautifully written prologue with its haunting sadness. However, there was one section that I struggled with - it was when she cried out when she dropped the pail and appeared to be having a conversation with herself. Can I suggest that you consider writing that as if she was thinking, instead of talking? Use italics and edit it: The pail! Where is it?

Secondly, I had some problem with several uses of the word 'Mrs.' I'm sure that this abbreviation did not come until much later (I might be wrong.) The standard form of address for a married woman in those days was 'Mistress' - although I suspect that 'Missus' may have been used.

Finally I had some problem with the point of view used in the first two chapters. You hook the reader totally with the Prologue then unfortunately start to TELL the story through the characters of Johhny Notions and his wife's opium induced dreams. This slows the pace considerably and is frustrating. After this you then move into the third person and start to SHOW the story from Maggie's pov - with sections from the point of view of both James and Patrick. This was far more successful IMHO. I appreciate that you are trying to do something different but I personally think that you should dump Johny and Clara Notions and stick to just SHOWING the story from Maggie's POV. I get the impression from your pitch that James and Patrick are just minor characters who will disappear soon? (I was always advised to use only 4 or 5 main points of view in a novel and it seems a waste of a point of view to give them to minor characters.)

Anyway, these are just my opinions. Good luck for the future.

Susanna
'Catching the Eagle.'

“Madness infected her soul.”
Compelling opening, beautifully descriptive language--“The sparkling water became visible, its long, snaking trail sheltered by twisted trees with naked branches stretched out like bony fingers.”
Five stars.
Jt

Wow, what a prologue! If I've read a first page that hooks the reader on Authonomy, this is it. I'm going to put this on my watchlist until I've read more, but I have a feeling I'll be backing this book very soon. I'll return with a review as soon as I've read more. Good work so far!

Winston

Dear Alison,

This is a fine story, well written with strong characterization, believable dialogue, and clear description. A careful editing would eliminate a few flaws, such as the switch of POV in Chapter 1: "He imagined the dim peat fire . . ." should read "I imagined . . ." There's also a missing word in the phrase, "He found among nets . . ." It should read "He found her among nets . . ." In the last paragraph of Chapter I, "contended" should be "contented." Once your book is completed and such nits eliminated, it should be seriously considered for publication.

Long ago we backed each other's novels. This evening I'll gladly back yours again. Would you kindly take a look at "The Doctor of Summitville" and see if it still merits your support? In any case, best wishes--and Merry Christmas! --Bill

Hi - I enjoyed the strong characters and storyline. There is a real sense of place in this story too. Backed with pleasure. HP

This is one of the best works of historical fiction I've read since being a member here. I would be happy to back you for the story alone, but that alongwith your polished writing certainly gets a backing from me.

Rodney Battles
NEW ATITUDES