THE CROSS OF GOA

Rich, eloquent, powerful.
What a fantastic piece of historical fiction.
Your novel is clearly very well researched, so important in this genre.

This has an epic feel to it. Well done.
I'll find space on my shelf for it soon.

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

WOW! This was a wonderful read. Read a couple of chapters from start, middle and end to get a feel for the story. This is an epic tale. I can only imagine the hard work and research you have done to produce such well structured and captivating story. Love the banter between Slaughter and Chiltern.
I wish you the very best and have no dought that The Cross of Goa will be published.
Six Stars.
Olive.

This is as captivating as any of the books of this type that I see in stores. Well written, good descriptions, interesting characters and just enough mystery to keep the pages turning. It seems you have done a tremendous amount of research to render your story so accurately. I am envious of people who can tell tales such as these, and I would instantly be drawn to read such a book if I saw it in a story.

All the best,

Rena (Bunderful) author of Master of the Miracles

Laurence Howard - The Cross of Goa

I’m so glad the you introduced me to your book. I was totally taken in by the plot, the characters and settings. Your ability to imagine post ice-age people, early 16th century dilemmas and a newly designed “ark” is really quite remarkable. And how you ever came up with gold being refined to manna is genius. I wonder if it was coincidence or providence that I just read in the Bible this morning - John 6:41 where Jesus himself claimed to be the bread which came down from heaven. Makes me wonder what God is trying to say to me…

Anyway, your book is as masterfully created as Frederico de Silva’s ark----inspired, artistically detailed, professionally crafted. This is a book I will read to the end and most likely back. Six stars!

A couple things to draw to your attention:
In chapter one -

Paragraph beginning, “That night excavating deeper into the mountain… Prising (prying?) a lump of the strange…

Paragraph beginning, “But above all, trust our Lord Sumer…” is (his) voice just a whisper.

Paragraph beginning, “They all felt the warm pulsating…” There bodies become (became) weightless…

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Easy-to-read, an awesome plot, strong characters, reaching different genres and with wide appeal, with beautiful descriptions, an exceptional and unsurpassed story, with a timeless quality, brilliantly researched, told as from a Storyteller to children, difficult to distinguish fact from fiction, the great writing leads you to wanting to learn more, mix of history and myth, the writing is controlled and artfully crafted with passion and definitive skill, a thoroughly engaging text that delivers on all fronts, it expanded my expectations, it brings the reader to the edge of their seat, a fascinating story, 6 stars, the whole package!

It is a tale of epic proportions, the mark of a masterful writer, It feels like you are reading a published book, between Follett and Brown, I am surprised that a publisher has not taken it up. An immediate candidate for movie production!!!

Okay this book so turned me off from the very first chapter.
It is really hard to read a book about cave men and women. THE ROCK AGES as it were.

Sorry too be blunt.

However your title, pitch, and style of writing is VERY GOOD. Those things drew me to the book.

Bria Heart <3

Rich, eloquent, powerful.
What a fantastic piece of historical fiction.
Your novel is clearly very well researched, so important in this genre.

This has an epic feel to it. Well done.
I'll find space on my shelf for it soon.

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Rich, eloquent, powerful.
What a fantastic piece of historical fiction.
Your novel is clearly very well researched, so important in this genre.

This has an epic feel to it. Well done.
I'll find space on my shelf for it soon.

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Rich, eloquent, powerful.
What a fantastic piece of historical fiction.
Your novel is clearly very well researched, so important in this genre.

This has an epic feel to it. Well done.
I'll find space on my shelf for it soon.

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

WOW! This was a wonderful read. Read a couple of chapters from start, middle and end to get a feel for the story. This is an epic tale. I can only imagine the hard work and research you have done to produce such well structured and captivating story. Love the banter between Slaughter and Chiltern.
I wish you the very best and have no dought that The Cross of Goa will be published.
Six Stars.
Olive.

There are some instances of awkward sentence construction:
Stars cluttered the heavens, hanging like coruscating snowflakes, falling slowly, eternally fall from the cosmos.

Chapter 1

Be careful with comma usage. Some commas hinder the flow, as with…Churches, which had once dotted the countryside surrounding old Lisbon had been absorbed, alone with the grand stone mansions, eclipsed by the clutter of new houses.

While careful usage enhances the sentence as in…The second floors of the houses overhung the narrow streets, offering perfect concealment to any nefarious character of the night. (You might consider eliminating this comma for an even better flow.)

The sentence does not flow as too many commas hinder its potential grace.

They had hacked there (their) way…

The main characters of Chapter 1 are well developed and sound very real for the time period and the task to which they endeavor.

A very in-depth and detailed story. The descriptive flow of the paragraphs give testimony to the detailed research you invested to established a realistic feel.

Chapter 2

Good use of body language in describing the discomfort of the Bishop.

…young men turning to the cloth, there (their) feelings of fear and hate…

The inclusion of additional action in Chapter 2 could help the storyline from getting bogged down in details. There are two scenes where more descriptive action could improve the credibility of the story. One of these scenes is where you describe the fire that Admiral da Gama causes on board the ship that has Muslin pilgrims traveling to Mecca. How did they encounter the ship? Was there an exchange of gunfire where the other ship was overpowered? Describe the cannon fire striking the ship causing it to fall into a helpless state.

The second scene could be where Father Benedict and the Portuguese soldiers died in combat.

Your story abounds with the imagery of desperation. I feel the tension of the story as the conflict increases between those who would be considered the believers and those labeled heretics. The story is as intriguing as the high risk the men who visit De Silva are taking.

I have enough comfort in the writing to give it my support.

CROSS OF GOA
I like the way this book covers such a long span of time all the way back from when the “shining rock” was discovered up to the present. You’ve obviously done a lot of research to be ready to write this and it shows in your detailed writing style. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hi Laurence,

I’m here for a return read. Sorry it’s taken me so long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth.

Small thing, but there should be a comma after “Missing since 1721”

“concealed the powers of gold?” What are the powers of gold? Should it be “God?” (or god…not meaning to throw my Catholic roots into the mix :P).

Ah. “Fiery Cross of Goa…” I would say that whole title in the short pitch. Otherwise, you’re going to have religion folk confused.

Need a comma after “Seized by pirates in 1721”

This is a very intriguing premise, but I think the long pitch can be whittled down to just the hook-ish parts of the story. Be careful not to dilute the impact of the hooks by adding too much detail or backstory. At least not in the pitch.

Prologue

The commas around “and woman” are unnecessary

Again, I love the premise, but you start off by telling. This info can probably be smoothed out and distributed more in the prologue while the story unfolds. Just something to think about.

Chapter 1

“Sharp teeth of shadow cut mystical patterns…” I love this imagery, as well as “slithering like a dark snake from the corner of his mouth.” Excellent!

“black robed” should be hyphenated in this context. “Black-robed cleric” is hyphenated. The cleric wore black robes would not be. It’s when it precedes the noun it’s modifying that it’s hyphenated.

This first chapter is more powerful than the prologue in my opinion. Very dark and almost harrowing in how it’s written. Great impact with this scene.

The descriptions are mesmerizing, but I think the imagery tied to the dialogue could be strengthened. It isn’t just the words between speakers that are used to communicate. Expressions, gestures, etc.

This is great. Like a lot of writers, commas are overlooked, but that’s an easy thing to fix. The writing is strong, the story is wonderful. I think the prologue probably tells too much backstory all at once, but that might be deliberate. Ultimately, this is worth reading and worthy of a backing on my humble little shelf. As soon as I get some space, I’ll get it up there.

Best of luck with this and thanks for sharing it!
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Hi Laurence,

I’m here for a return read. Sorry it’s taken me so long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth.

Small thing, but there should be a comma after “Missing since 1721”

“concealed the powers of gold?” What are the powers of gold? Should it be “God?” (or god…not meaning to throw my Catholic roots into the mix :P).

Ah. “Fiery Cross of Goa…” I would say that whole title in the short pitch. Otherwise, you’re going to have religion folk confused.

Need a comma after “Seized by pirates in 1721”

This is a very intriguing premise, but I think the long pitch can be whittled down to just the hook-ish parts of the story. Be careful not to dilute the impact of the hooks by adding too much detail or backstory. At least not in the pitch.

Prologue

The commas around “and woman” are unnecessary

Again, I love the premise, but you start off by telling. This info can probably be smoothed out and distributed more in the prologue while the story unfolds. Just something to think about.

Chapter 1

“Sharp teeth of shadow cut mystical patterns…” I love this imagery, as well as “slithering like a dark snake from the corner of his mouth.” Excellent!

“black robed” should be hyphenated in this context. “Black-robed cleric” is hyphenated. The cleric wore black robes would not be. It’s when it precedes the noun it’s modifying that it’s hyphenated.

This first chapter is more powerful than the prologue in my opinion. Very dark and almost harrowing in how it’s written. Great impact with this scene.

The descriptions are mesmerizing, but I think the imagery tied to the dialogue could be strengthened. It isn’t just the words between speakers that are used to communicate. Expressions, gestures, etc.

This is great. Like a lot of writers, commas are overlooked, but that’s an easy thing to fix. The writing is strong, the story is wonderful. I think the prologue probably tells too much backstory all at once, but that might be deliberate. Ultimately, this is worth reading and worthy of a backing on my humble little shelf. As soon as I get some space, I’ll get it up there.

Best of luck with this and thanks for sharing it!
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

I have read the Prologue and the first two chapters of "The Cross of Goa" and enjoyed them immensely. This is a good old-fashioned adventure yarn that will appeal both to history buffs and to people who just enjoy a good story. It reminded me rather of James Clavell's novels (though as I see that "Shogun" and "Tai-Pan" are in your list of favourite books, perhaps that isn't a coincidence) and Clavell's fans will probably love this novel too.

I have two very minor criticisms: one is that some of the scenes seem to go on a little too long, which tempted me to skip ahead to find out where they were leading. A little judicious editing might help - it won't need a lot, maybe just where a character uses two sentences when they might just as easily use one. The other criticism is that some of the historical characters use contractions like "won't" and "can't" - to me, that doesn't quite fit the tone and I found myself mentally re-writing the dialogue to "will not" and "cannot". (I suspect most readers probably won't care; this is just a preference of mine.) For modern day characters the contractions are fine.

Overall, "The Cross of Goa" is an enjoyable read and I am glad that you brought it to my attention. Good luck with it!

best wishes and good writing
John

Laurence Howard - The Cross of Goa

I’m so glad the you introduced me to your book. I was totally taken in by the plot, the characters and settings. Your ability to imagine post ice-age people, early 16th century dilemmas and a newly designed “ark” is really quite remarkable. And how you ever came up with gold being refined to manna is genius. I wonder if it was coincidence or providence that I just read in the Bible this morning - John 6:41 where Jesus himself claimed to be the bread which came down from heaven. Makes me wonder what God is trying to say to me…

Anyway, your book is as masterfully created as Frederico de Silva’s ark----inspired, artistically detailed, professionally crafted. This is a book I will read to the end and most likely back. Six stars!

A couple things to draw to your attention:
In chapter one -

Paragraph beginning, “That night excavating deeper into the mountain… Prising (prying?) a lump of the strange…

Paragraph beginning, “But above all, trust our Lord Sumer…” is (his) voice just a whisper.

Paragraph beginning, “They all felt the warm pulsating…” There bodies become (became) weightless…

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

This is as captivating as any of the books of this type that I see in stores. Well written, good descriptions, interesting characters and just enough mystery to keep the pages turning. It seems you have done a tremendous amount of research to render your story so accurately. I am envious of people who can tell tales such as these, and I would instantly be drawn to read such a book if I saw it in a story.

All the best,

Rena (Bunderful) author of Master of the Miracles

Easy-to-read, an awesome plot, strong characters, reaching different genres and with wide appeal, with beautiful descriptions, an exceptional and unsurpassed story, with a timeless quality, brilliantly researched, told as from a Storyteller to children, difficult to distinguish fact from fiction, the great writing leads you to wanting to learn more, mix of history and myth, the writing is controlled and artfully crafted with passion and definitive skill, a thoroughly engaging text that delivers on all fronts, it expanded my expectations, it brings the reader to the edge of their seat, a fascinating story, 6 stars, the whole package!

It is a tale of epic proportions, the mark of a masterful writer, It feels like you are reading a published book, between Follett and Brown, I am surprised that a publisher has not taken it up. An immediate candidate for movie production!!!

Cross of Goa. I see you cherry-picked my last review, all of four months ago. How time flies. I cant keep away...

Ch.3. A little nit: wouldnt you prefer, from where Radclyffe is standing, the gaping mouth sucked the sun baked air into its cavernous belly (you dont need the first 'in' and probably not the 'hot' either).
You set the scene so well, with the beams of sunlight and the tension as Radclyffe waits for his bride is palpable. But hadnt you better give his full name when he first appears in the chapter, not several paragraphs down...
Shouldnt it be she slightly taller than he? - or even re-phrase the sentence entirely...
I can hear the cathedral vault reverberating with the organ's cacaphony - great words.
Then a touch of humour amid the haste to be done with the service. You hit just the right note.
Dont you mean the catastrophe was imminent.
With the crew and the passengers, I heave a sigh of relief as the ship turns to run before the wind.
Then I am quite exhausted by the storm.
But I think you mean Rodriguez let his mind wander... heedless of the clutter and debris before him.
What a dramatic chapter.

Ch.4. Back to the 21st century. That's a surprise, and what a striking description of the art dealer waiting for the tube.
More disastrous happenings, and the murder mystery is about to be solved...
This is a very short chapter compared to the others.

Ch.5. Another short chapter and a sudden change. I am getting confused in the shifts of time, and wonder if you cant introduce the action a little more gently.
Your style is first class, as ever, but the story is turning a little lumpy.
And what has all this to do with the Cross of Goa - I ask. But no doubt all will be revealed in due course.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

I like your story and you write like a professional. The set up here is strong as it makes the plot feel important. I'm interested to see where this goes.

Typo: “He helped us survive,” HIS voice just a whisper.

Manna was not taken from the Jews following the Golden Calf. They still received manna in the wilderness up until they entered Israel. However, they did complain about the manna at several points and were punished for it.

If you goal is to get published, then 146k words it going to be tough to convince a publisher to take on. Only established authors get the leeway to write that long, although some ebook publishers might let you get away with it. Still, you should consider shortening it.

Great job here. I'll back it.

Brian Bandell
Mute

Happy to back your writing! Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Good Luck.
Sue50

I could very easily visualize everything. The description of the cross and the little boy hiding in the street watching the men, all of it was done nicely. I'm sorry I only had time for the prologue and 1. The purpose of the segment where he turned the gold into the white powder threw me a bit because I didn't get the relevance. I'm sure the purpose will be revealed later, if it was there and I missed it then argh.

If this was a return read, sorry for the delay.

Best
Bill Scott
Haktaw Heart

Hi Laurence, wow what an adventure! I love books like this. Reminds me obviously of a Dan Brown style of book but is original all the same. Very clever (give us this day our daily bread), you weave clues in like a master storyteller. This is the kind of book I would buy my mother for her birthday and then wait impatiently for her to finish so I could read it too!
A few things I noticed:
- With inadequate food Shane’ Ur IV was forced to abandon the cave. – also mentioned like this a little further on...was the letter k supposed to be dropped? Earlier the original and then his descendants were named Shanek Ur
- She sat sowing on the porch of their small wooden hut by the stream – should this be sewing?
- The soldier smashed his rifle into Miguel’s scull – this should be skull
- He hurled himself to the corner the men had turned and gingerly peering round – doesn’t make sense.
- Deep farrows etched by a lifetime hardwork – perhaps insert the word ‘of’ before hardwork?
- It feels like the name de Silva is mentioned too often, almost every time Lefrage speaks to him.
- There has never been a worst time or place since.... I think you need to replace worst with worse? Also the sentence finishes with a ? which I think is unnecessary.
- Holding is arms up in joyous admiration – should be his
- “We can’t waist anymore time!” – should be waste
- “I feel as though I’ve drank a vat of wine” – I think this should read drunk
I’m enjoying this read immensely and will keep it on my WL to return to and read more. Looking forward to seeing this develop. A fantastic book!
Tammy

I have only read the first chapter and felt like I was reading a published book. I'm sure it would make a good film script too. The writing is almost flawless, the descriptions are apt, the characters, from the prologue to the first chapter, captured my attention. Who wouldn't want to read more?

Laurence,
The Cross of Goa has been on my watchlist for several days and I was pleased to place it on my shelf today after a brief review. I enjoyed the geographic history of the world presented in the prologue and then you end by quoting Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. It's a charming beginning to a very imaginative story with an enormous amount of research. The intrigue of the storyline outlined in the synopsis is breathtaking and the suspense of this narrative creates a very compelling account.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Very exciting opening, successfully setting up the sweeping adventure to follow. Such grand scale novels are difficult to write well, but this really grabbed me and managed to expand my expectations at every turn.

Highly rated.

M. Iqbal

P.S Thank you for your kind comments on my own work.

This is an interesting and exciting story with a broad sweep that I think could have a wide appeal. It is written in an easy-to-read style, although it does need a bit of editing, as others have already commented. I found a few typos in the Prologue and Ch.1, which I will send you in a message.
I also have a few comments and suggestions, which you can act on or ignore, as you see fit. The first thing that hit me was the very first line. The date of 75,000 years ago sounds a little too recent and I am not convinced their venturing out of Africa was all that heroic – more likely to have been a case of survival and necessity, and more of a gradual migration than a mass ‘venturing into the unknown’.
I found the last two paragraphs of the Prologue a bit of a non sequitur after what had gone before, as though they’d been cut and pasted from somewhere else. The writing in these two paragraphs feels a bit rushed and confusing, and nowhere near as clear as the story that precedes it. I think a little more explanation here would help to make it more understandable and interesting – what are the ‘powers’ of the yellow stone, in what way were the ‘secrets’ recorded (stone or parchment or clay, and in what language?), what form did the treasures take? (This is gradually revealed in Ch.1, but it would be good to have some of that information here – if you feel you need to say it here at all, that is). What’s the distinction between the ‘warrior monks’ and the Knights of Christ? They appear to be the same thing and yet not the same thing.
I must admit I had to Google Baphomet to learn the significance of Miguel’s last utterance.
One thing I couldn’t understand (sorry to be so dense) was what the ‘unimaginable power’ of the Cross is, or rather of the gold from which the Cross is made. I think that was partly because I couldn’t follow de Silva’s demonstration clearly enough in my head to comprehend why his audience were so awestruck. Had the stuff just disappeared, or was it still there but weightless? And how would this have helped the Egyptians build the pyramids, Moses make the Ark, etc? And why does it need to be smuggled away from the Inquisition? Eventually, some of the gold’s power became clear to me when they used it to help lift the heavy cross. I guess that sort of explained the business of the pyramids. But, still, why is this such an awesome power that it has to be hidden away in a far-off land out of the knowledge of the Inquisition? I think a little more explanation here, and of de Silva’s little demo, and of how this power could be used (in the 16th century), would help slower witted readers such as myself.
Anyway, a good title, a good pitch and a good read.

Cross of Goa. I didnt mean it to be over three months before coming back to your book - and I cant remember where I left off, because I wasnt so organised then...

Ch.1. It's as if I'm reading it for the first time. Torture, death and intrigue. And the title of the book shows its appropriateness from the beginning.
Dont you mean the Knights of Christ hacked their way through the castle guard?
Like Lefrage and the others, I desparately want De Silva to hurry.
The discription of the cross reads like an excerpt from the Old Testament. I wish there were a diagram of it, for my mind cannot picture the words. Oh - I have just looked again at your cover, which tells it all. You think of everything.

Ch.2. Perhaps you should re-phrase the sentence 'He then looted it, and then fired it.'
And do you need the word twist to appear twice in one sentence?
These are mere nits. I am utterly drawn into your story, which re-lives history in such a vivid way.
Another nit: Fr Benedict was haunted by nightmares of the atrocities.
I like the alliteration of the horses' hooves clipping the cobbles.
You dispense with Fr. Benedict quite abruptly, but I understand that there's a long way to go with your story.

Maxi-starred, and onto my w'list for further rotation. Thankyou for this great read.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

Laurence,
When i started reading The Cross of Goa, my thoughts went to the novels of Jean Auel, but then i find myself in the streets of Lisbon and although i speak of this city in my book, yours gave me a totally different perspective. I like it! The read is totally beyond me, however as a reader, I have the most profound respect for you. Brilliantly written and i believe you have done your research, your story is as authentic as i have ever read.
Six stars now, and put on the long line up for the shelf.
Maria
Dark of the Moon

HI there Laurence!! I have come to have a read of your work. From the blurb, it sounds very interesting.
It's very easy to read laurence. Well written. There are a few adverbs that I would remove, but other than that, the writing is great.
In the first part of chapter 1, was the shining rock gold? Maybe if you describe it as "golden" or "yellow" we will understand that better. Had they not seen other metals that they would compare it with?

very good first section, and I like the reference from the book of thomas.
haha, i like the eyeball rolling into his head.
Woah. I only had time to read the first chapter, but thank you very much for sharing. I will rate you highly!! Thank you, and good luck with your work. :)

Lawrence,
You've woven a tale of epic proportions. The historical element coupled with fast-paced action and mystic renderings give your work mass appeal. Radcliffe's tinkering with timespace to accomplish his goals is certainly a yardstick by which we can measure our resolve in accomplishing our own ambitions in a more mundane setting. Make the impossible possible. Thank you so much for the magnificent read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
Thge North Korean

Laurence,
I've been reading this for the past few days, and have to say, it draws you in. The pitch is a winner... Templar Knights, hidden gold, pirates! I could go on, but it's simply delicious. Then the beginning with the mystical origins of the gold and it's progress charted through history. This would make a great movie. I've just finished ch10 and reading on. Happy to support you in June when I'll have space on my shelf. In the meantime, sprinkled with well deserving stars.
Good luck with this.
Babs

Hi Laurence, I found your work to be Incredibly epic. Not only is it written with a historian's crafted slant, but it definitely has an edge to it which moves the plot along beautifully. On my shelf and I'm looking forward to reading more. JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Well written, and a fascinating story. (I read chapter 1 and dipped into several more chapters.) It still needs some editing, as I noticed a few typos (in a separate message.)
Well done and to be backed. Marj.

The hours of research show in the meticulous details. Hours well-spent, I think. The settings and atmosphere are solid.
As a reader, I'm always thinking about who is telling the story- the POV. In The Cross of Goa, I hear the Storyteller's voice. Usually an elder, the Storyteller sits with children gathered around them and unfold their tale in a magical tone. Small uplifted faces are rapt with attention. This is the same feeling I had while reading the book.
Also, I found myself wondering what was fact and what was fiction in places. I'm not an expert of this time period. But the wondering is an outcome of great writing. And great writers and great stories will always lead you to find out more. There is a lot to discover here that would appeal to more than one genre.

Dee Farrell
Warrior Heart

Lawrence, the vision behind The Cross Of Goa is compelling and the delivery neatly straddles the line between Follett and Brown. I do think, however, that you would benefit from input from a truly savvy editor. I'm just a reader, so take my comments with as much salt as you please. They're based on reading three chapters. The first and two others taken at random.

I want to hear the story you tell in the prologue, but I could have done without the first two paragraphs - a little too much like a lecture - and the last two - giving away what is to come. I assume the biblical quote is important and goes to the heart of your "Grail Moment". Perhaps it would do better at the very start of the book? Similarly, and more importantly, I think your hints about the Big Secret of your story are too heavy, and too early.

Beyond this, there are the inevitable typos - for example, Vasco De Gamma and "waist" for "waste", occasional mis-punctuations, and a rare clumsy word choice. For example, I don't the like the ice "ramming".

But on the whole this is a very strong story that I feel might simply require a little restructuring before it can truly shine.

I hope this helps

Evie

This is an excellent piece of art. Not only do you write beautifully, but your story is great. Love the Biblical references-manna, Ark of the Covenant, etc., and love the whole story line with the cross and its stone. You've got the whole package here and hope you get published. Your story has a Dan Brown/Michael Crichton ring to it. 6 Stars and one of my favorites on this site.
Dina of 33 and Halo of the Damned

An outstanding story. i can't wait to see the movie after seeing it on the book shelves.
A great piece of writing and hopefully many more books to follow, and outstanding YES.

Laurence, read your prologue, and so far, it's brilliant! Love the whole Sumerian back story and how you lead up to the stone and the KTs. Will continue to read.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and 33

This a fantastic read so far, I am enjoying this very much. David, Barcelona

A beautifully written story from the outset. I am now half way through and thoroughly enjoying the read. I love the way the 'author' embody's extensive historical research to weave such a cleverly crafted tale that is so tantilisingly good and is so rich in infomation. I have found myself completely immersed and utterly captivated by the text and well thought out characters. To quote Dustin Hoffman in the recent Sky adverts "..isn't that what makes a good story,...it makes you feel" -You are totally 'feeling' this book!!, it is Great!!! ***** (5*) but 6* for Authonomy. Edward

Deseves more than four stars. A great read. I am surprised that a publisher has not taken it up. The services of a good editor could make it a best seller.

Hi
Last week, on one of my random surfs through history, I read about the Indian annexe of Portuguese Goa in 1961so I was intrigued to read through this piece. As a fan of historical fiction, I found your work very interesting and and well formed. The plot is exciting and the characters credible. Good use of dialogue is used to move the story along and you clearly have done your research to portray the religious acrimony of the time. In terms of crit I would point out a couple of things that you may wish to consider.

1) a lot of sentences (perhaps too many) begin with either a name or 'They' 'The' or 'He' so be wary of this.

2) be cautious about over use of passive words such as 'was' or 'had'. Of course these are not forbidden but some might be re-worded to remove the passive element for greater effect.

All in all I enjoyed the first two chapters and wish you the very best of luck.

Linton

When I saw the word Goa, I latched on because I'm from India. I am glad I did.
It's a superhuman effort to write 48 chapters of captivating prose. An immediate candidate for movie production.
That apart I was taken in by the style in which the story moves forward and how the scenes of a bygone era are captured - it is difficult to write with authenticity, but you have scored well.
For now I have starred and backed it.

All the best

Jay Adiyarath

Interesting opening. Adventurous and religious, at the same time.
"... waves of euphoria lifted their spirits to heights they had forgotten existed." .... Just beautiful.
Awesome plot, strong characters, visually appealing description ... all the best with it.
_
Shashank
"The Stolen Bliss"

You tumble us straight into the action of the ice age and the flood, after the discovery of gold - and it's only the Prologue.
Then it's back to the reality of 16th Century Lisbon, and a taste of treasures to come. Exquisite tension as de Silva prevaricates, reveals his discovery, and then appears to have foiled the Inquisition.
These are momentous beginnings of an epic tale. Very well written, and exactly my kind of book. I wish we were allowed more books on our shelf. Meanwhile, here are many stars, and I will be back for more.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

Hi Lawrence
Here are my comments :-

General comments
1. This is exactly my genre for reading, and is a very interesting story.
2. I like you’re your ability as a wordsmith, and your use of similes.
3. You have a tendency to provide too much detailed description in places.
4. You have a tendency to provide too much of the secretive storyline too early – you need to drip feed it into the story. (But I may find out later, once I’ve read more, that I’m wrong.)

Some detailed comments:
Prologue
1. This is an interesting opening.
2. My understanding is that man emerged as a hunter-gatherer at 150,000 years ago, and not 75,000 years ago.
3. The last ice age sheet did not go as far south as Turkey.
4. The ice sheets in Europe receded about 10,000 years ago – this dates the early part of your story. Biblical Noah (if it’s the same person you refer to) was around on about 4,000 BC. So there may be a dating inconsistency.
5. I find it difficult to believe that anyone could have survived such a traumatic avalanche (millions of tons), although not impossible. How did he know to surf it?
6. The Sumerian civilisation lasted from around 4,000BC to 2,300BC, merging with Akkadians - nearly 3,500 years before the Templars, and not 2,000 years.
7. Who are the Knights of Christ that the Templars bestow some of their secret treasure to?
8. The 3 small sentences before “Jesus said…” are an early giveaway. Think about feeding them into the story later on, and possibly expand on them.
9. “Jesus said…” – what is the context of this?
Ch 1 -
Too many adjectives in the opening paragraph.
Suggest making the third paragraph the first, giving an opening with action. Feed in the description of the first two paragraphs as you go along.
“‘You will confess,’ he said…” The “he” implies the man with the broken hands.
There is a slow start, but the middle becomes electrifying.
You need to describe de Silva and Lefrage physically, and probably other characters as well.
Are you giving away too much of the manna and mfkzt storyline too early?
I like the dialogue – its strong.
Your description of the Cross is too detailed – too much at once. Almost a history lesson. Feed some of it in later.
Your description of the box is too detailed (too much at once) – don’t need inches. Consider another way of describing its size. E.g. compare it with a fruit basket.
You use de Silva’s name too often.
There are a few places where you can combine short paragraphs.
The last sentence needs to be a hook for the next paragraph

Hope this helps, and wish you luck with your novel. I'll try to read some more later.
Would you please read my novel Gold Demon in return?
Best regards
George

The Cross of Goa' hi Laurence, The pitch brought me into read this book, a story condensed within a few paragraphs, all there in one, well done and of course the cover is first class, just made for each other.
The the Prologue, that in itself is one brilliant piece of literary writing, what a great introduction for the story to follow.
i have read five chapters found each on totally engrossing, quite a serious read in fact . The switch to London 2007 is really good and the story takes on a new life. This one good adventure story told in a very descriptive way.
It will do well in the target market
good luck
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'
if you have time i would be obliged if you could glance at mine, however different genre thanks

Interesting pitch which suggests a well researched and unravalling plot which is just the type of story I enjoy. I have added to my watchlist and will read some more over the next few days

Hi Laurence, I looked at this again, having come across it and wanting to give it more shelf time. Chap 10 - what momentum and visual writing. There's the easy tumbling from one place and time to another. Excellent stuff - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

How totally amazing, you are Laurencel!! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs/testimony book? :) God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just looked to see if I had ******-ed your book & it is ******-rated (6 gold ******'s) :) - thanks for ******-ing mine, too. :) Every ****** -ing & at least 24 hour backing moves our books up on authonomy lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because I'm 9 from the editor's desk & trying to be in the top 5 to be chosen, the end of December :) - I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 20 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after 9 months trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks earlier this year.

Well, as I remember it to be this is a head and shoulders above most books on this site and something that can be enjoyed from many angles. The writing is controlled and artfully crafted with passion and definitive skill. A thoroughly engaging text that delivers on all fronts. Excellent.

Soon on my bookself with top star rating. Best wishes, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Hi Laurence!

Your characters are fantastic, with lifelike reactions and emotions. The plot is exciting and there’s a wonderful element of mystery.

However, while the prologue (the initial set up of the history, from ice age, to discovery of gold, to establishment of Sumer) was great, I’m not convinced it was really necessary. It’s very long, for a prologue, and takes us through a lot of historical detail that could be worked into the later story. I feel the opening of the story would be stronger if the origin of the ancient Sumerian tablets was a mystery to the reader until revealed later. In particular, I thought you could increase the element of mystery by omitting the prologue.

In terms of pacing, you do a lot of setting up front in the first chapter. While you set the scene beautifully, I feel the reader would be more hooked if you began your story inside the little church with the scene of torture, and then pan out to give us the view of Lisbon. This would start the story with action and a wonderful hook.

Similarly, the end of your first chapter could have been stronger if you’d emphasised the danger more in the last two paragraphs, rather than having all your characters feeling happy and everything’s going well. Try to leave us on a cliffhanger, which should be easy with so many exciting things happening there.

One plot item which worried me was the constant references to the people working for the king. If they were working for the king, why didn’t they have the whole palace guard guarding this cross, or the army? I expect the answer to this is a political one within your setting, but feel you need to show this somehow to the reader. Otherwise, why have a jeweller and a small group of elite knights guard the cross, when you could have two hundred men surrounding it with a ring of steel, and transporting it to the harbour flanked by the Royal Household Cavelery?

These thoughts aside, this is a fantastic start to what looks like a fabulous story. It’s on my shelf.

All the best,
Chris :-)

this a well laid out and well paced book. l have backed...
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