Never My Thirst

You know, I thorougly enjoyed this. You have such a unique prose style - so punchy, so hardhitting, yet always descriptive and emotive. It's an utterly accessible read and one that you start reading and then realise ten minutes has just flown by. At least that's what happened to me. Rachel is such a wonderful character, but Luker - well, there is one hell of a creature. Fascinating. Brilliant.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Great story.Terrific ending I back this.
Congratulations this is perfectly done I think.
All the best.......Mikell...............The Free

I think this is quite honestly the best thing I've read in a long time. Wonderful way to add a little new life into a vampire story. Your MCs are very real and a pleasure to read about.

Nothing else really I can say!
Missy

The blonde, dare I say wig, avi drew me in. :)

I take notes when I read and just mention the things that cause me to pause, in hopes that they will help you polish your manuscript and get it published. I enjoyed this vey much. Here are a couple things that you may want to address in the first 2 chapters.

The voice is so fresh, you might want to rethink "threw way the key" a bit cliche.

The trailing ……....… are a bit odd unconventional, you might reconsider switching to . . .

I really like the idea, but found myself wondering how he could lacerate the jugular vein, which would bleed profusely, then drag them downstairs, incapacitate them, insert a needle into their femoral vein and get 4 pints before they'd bled to death

"Rachel flicked irritably to a new page" Might read better as 'Irritated, Rachel flicked to a new page . . ."

Best
Bill
Haktaw Heart

Hi Alessia!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. Special offer for former Authonomy backers between now and the formal launch on Sept 1st: If you would like to receive a “Review” copy of the eBook (plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really), go to the website, click the “Contact” button, and leave a message that includes your Authonomy username and the secret code words “I Feel the Rush!” Details of this promo will be emailed to you. Thanks!

Great crime story. Really like George, the wanna-be vampire who syphons the blood out of his victims. Will look up the word exsanguination but context makes me think it has to do with draining someone of their blood. Like the mystery you set up. Only criticism is the chapter's length/format. My suggestion would be to write one chapter about the reporter and then another chapter about George, etc. Easier to follow b/c its segmented. But loved the story and would highly recommend. Good luck, Dina of 33 and Halo of the Damned

Great hook. Love vampires. Backed and ready to read. You might like my Halo of the Damned-it has some vampire scenes. Dina

Gripping!
Your style is very effective Slow, Methodical, Detailed...It Works!
As Rachel mulls over the details it lures me into the story. Her character's personality offers the perfect device. Her own past , even present mental shakiness does make this a little like 'Silence of the Lambs'. However, your story has some seductive components, which makes a more interesting perpetrator.
I am going to keep it in my WL to finish reading. I don't do that often.
Great Job!
Backed!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Bakced Never My Thirst. We love this sort of stuff! Rachel is a well developed character who’s turning out to be quite a detetective. The Blood Sucker has us hooked because we just finished an adult fiction with vampires!
CC Brown
Dark Side

Bakced Never My Thirst. We love this sort of stuff! Rachel is a well developed character who’s turning out to be quite a detetective. The Blood Sucker has us hooked because we just finished an adult fiction with vampires!
CC Brown
Dark Side

Dear Ms. Verdi:

Wow....I stayed up until 2 in the morning just to finish reading your story. And I have to say that it was completely worth it. You put such a fascinating twist on the vampire genre by giving Luker that empathetic and compassionate streak. It is so much more than a vampire story. That cliffhanger at the end- is there going to be a sequel at all?

Backed,
Sarah

Chapter four: far too absorbed to find even one tiny nitpick. Some writers manage to plunder your head. I wish they wouldn't - it's private.....
Looking forward to more.

Chapter one looking good. Difficult to find much to nitpick! I could only come up with "Stop it Don" - now I don't know whether this is right or not but felt sure that when referring to someone by name in dialogue, the name should be separated by a comma "Stop it, Don" - but I could be wrong. You'd have to ask an expert.

'Beyond calculable value' - now I liked 'calculable value' and it's something i would have written but have no doubt someone better at writing than me would have said you don't need 'calculable'. Those who know better (?) say we should strip out any unnecessary words.

I shall keep going as I believe there are stimulating chapters ahead.

Shubie

Hi Alessia

I'm not keen on either vampire or serial killer stories, but you somehow managed to keep me hooked with your opening - a sympathetic heroine, a convincing milieu and a mesmeric antihero - riveting. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Hi Alessia,

You write well and I was happy to read all of chapter one, which is quite long but really gets us on with the tale.

The intro in the editor's office was a good way to introduce the story and hint at the trouble ahead.

Then, we hear the shocking story of Luker and his seven victims.

Good character--I like Rachel already and you also describe her breakdown, which will no doubt figure again later.

No complaints at all with this and would have read more, had I the time.

Best wishes,

Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

WOW!
I loved the story line, but I really don't think that it ends right. The ending seems almost rushed, forced in a way.
LUVED all other parts. Your writing technique is superb.
Katherine
(Ur on my watchlist!!!)

This is excellent! The only suggestion I would make is the................. only needs to be . . . and also watch with how you tag that dialogue. No need for the adverbs in there. Usually it's best to just do a "he said" or a "He nodded. (as opposed to he said nodding sagely" (which would need a comma after he said anyway). Even a "he said, nodding." might be okay, if you think it adds to the flow of the sentence, but usually it's best to keep the dialogue tags simple.
I would want to buy their newspaper with an article like that in it also. Good luck with this.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Thanks. Useful comments. Duly noted. As soon as I get time I'll fix. A

This is excellent! The only suggestion I would make is the................. only needs to be . . . and also watch with how you tag that dialogue. No need for the adverbs in there. Usually it's best to just do a "he said" or a "He nodded. (as opposed to he said nodding sagely" (which would need a comma after he said anyway). Even a "he said, nodding." might be okay, if you think it adds to the flow of the sentence, but usually it's best to keep the dialogue tags simple.
I would want to buy their newspaper with an article like that in it also. Good luck with this.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Almost from the start you write with an air of subtle mystery and increasing tension that leaves the reader desperate for more. Punchy, gritty prose draws is in, and a fabulous cast of characters lend realism and humanity with brilliant and realistic dialogue.

What more could I ask for?

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Hello Alessia,
This is a very special book and professionally written. I was captivated from the start.
The story-line is unique among the many vampire style stories. You have a very agile imagination and can put your thoughts into words so well. I will back your book and sincerely hope it goes well.
David (Flawless Murder)

You have a flair for building tension that explodes off the page, and creating action that propels the story forward.
Great storytelling
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

I wish i had more time to spend on Authonomy, especially when you find such a great book as this. Your first chapter is excellent and superbly written - well done!
BACKED!
Aimee

Leave out the quotes around PURE EVIL and BROXHAM BLOODSUCKER. It isn't necessary. Also leaving out the warning about where the erotic material is. Your book classification is adult and listed as erotica, to state it in the pitch is redundant.

...he tells her is cursed, a vampire doomed to eternity without love and an uncontrollable lust for blood. --comma, not semi-colon, dependent clause. Human blood is redundant.

...lust for blood. She does not believe him.

Minding reading is a trick. The erotic dreams prove nothing. Luker is gorgeous, but he is a crazy serial killer. The evidence is clear -- or is it?

Rachel is determined to find the truth. She may not be strong enough to handle it.

Just a suggestion. Keep it simple. Be precise, concise and brief.

Never My Thirst
Alessia Verdi

What a fascinating take on the good/evil theme, although Silence of the Lambs did come to mind as I read your pitches. Two things I'd do differently if it were my book - change the title to "The Broxham Bloodsucker" and get rid of the Chick Lit tag. Interesting story, good writing.

Never My Thirst

[Thank you for returning my backing. T. ☼☼☼☼☼]

Great premise. And an excellent opening. The reason for this, to save the paper. And backed by Rachel’s reluctance to take it on because of her breakdown. (you don’t explain why, I hope this comes out later). You continue with a well told story, plenty of mysteries to solve and Flic is a good supporting character. Your “he really is a vampire” angle has been dropped into chapter three and it’s up and running. Great job. Not only that but you have very sympathetic characters in Rachel, Flic and Don.

I’m backing this. Unreservedly. And if you can find the time to take a look at Bokassa’s Last Apostle in return I’d be extremely grateful.

This revisiting of a crime is just as thrilling as the investigation of a crime, perhaps more so, because we know how the killer is, but because there was no trial, we don't really know his motivation.
Rachel is an excellent character, vulnerable and sensative, but still retaining her journlists instincts for a story.
Lucker is, of course, quite hypnotic.
The possibly fantasy elements of this are totally compelling, of course I went and looked at chapter 12, with a hook like that who wouldn't:-)) It was very well done.
An unsual thriller and an unsual vampire, but the whole is enthralling.
I took a peek at the end as well....well done:-)

There are many vampire stories here, but few as original and captivating as this. Rachel is a very sympathetic protagonist, and Lurker makes a fascinating vampire. You've drawn them well, mixing intrigue and eroticism deftly into the plot. Well done - backed.
Alisdair
Bad Blood

A very polished piece of writing. The premise has the suggestion of 'Interview with a Vampire' about it but you take it in another direction which works well, I think. The backstory stuff has a journalistic feel to it that works well for the character and the pace is quick and engaging. Overall a very solid start. Backed.

You have got the professsional sweep in thriller writing. Nice smooth easy start so the reader can slowly engage with the book. Well done and graping read.

A pleasure to read
T he Lord of the Dawm >beyond 2012

It takes a lot of nerve to portray a serial killer and stay convincing. This book does just that with a heroine who is not a super-hero and has frailties of her own. Well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

You know, I thorougly enjoyed this. You have such a unique prose style - so punchy, so hardhitting, yet always descriptive and emotive. It's an utterly accessible read and one that you start reading and then realise ten minutes has just flown by. At least that's what happened to me. Rachel is such a wonderful character, but Luker - well, there is one hell of a creature. Fascinating. Brilliant.
Carl
The Time Hunters

I read many thrillers and like it when they're spiced by a pinch of erotocism. I will return to read more. Backed with pleasure.

You do a wonderful job in the first chapter of setting the stage for what is to follow while allowing the reader to get to know a very sympathetic Rachel. Your prose flows smoothly and I found the dialogue to be natural. By the end of the scene, I was anxious to meet Luker. Very well done. Also, I have to admit that I skipped forward to check out the erotic scene in Chapter 24. It worked, definitely! I'm happy to back your work.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Quarter-Finalist)

A marvelous storyline for a fantasy thriller - fast paced and well written. Your character development, especially of Rachel, is superb and your use of imagery is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Since you spelled out the good chapters in your pitch, I started with 12 :)
Since your book is pretty fantastic, all I found to complain about were a few typos...

CH12 Para2, you have "Heer" should be "Her", also "fug" that I think should be "fog"
CH12 right after the break, "remember having got out of bed" could be "remember getting out of bed"

The paragraph that starts "A nervousness began to crawl around under her skin" is brilliant :)
The writing is intense and flows very well.

Shelved
Dan
Demons and Other Inconveniences

This book is “Silence of the Lambs” on steroids. The killer is not only psychopathic, he’s a vampire. The way you’ve made Rachael so innocent and unable to believe him is a great character contrast. All together, a scary, scary read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Read it because of the intriguing short pitch. Managed to read till chap 9. Overall, it felt ok-you have the writing skills and the inherent talent to manage the pace of your story. Overwritten in patches but as you work on it should get better.Thinkof getting the word count down to 95 k or so and you could have a leaner,meaner work.
All the best

Normally not my genre but I couldn't resist when i read the pitch. This is excellent! Very well written and polished and I can easily relate to Rachel and starting all over at home. Very exciting and a building suspence i will have to come back to but BACKED now!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Wow , i'm going to read the rest of this 'till first thing in the morning, very well written, well, well too written with the darkness coming in.

the devil says that this is delicious...he's drooling, will be back to read more

all the best
sue

Great pitch, I've read the first two chapters and I'm totally captivated (will definately read the rest this evening). Brilliant stuff, backed.

Alessia, I've looked at your first chapter. Great read. I have a couple nits, though.

In the very first sentence, "life saving" should be written as "life-saving".

When addressing a person, it is necessary to insert a comma before name, title, etc. [Stop it, Don]

Hope this helps. Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

You set this up remarkably quickly and skillfully. Within the first couple of chapters I have a good idea who Rachel is, and as a character she is instantly sympathetic - the journalist burn out trying to start again in a local rag - and you bring in the mystery she is going to investigate quickly.
From then on it gets more intriguing, the serial killer that no one really knew, who was fabulous in bed and why did he choose his victims. All good stuff. The dialogue, the questions Rachel asks when she is interviewing feel natural, right and not out of place.
I am almost sad that from the pitch it sounds like this is going end up as a Vampire fantasy - that is just my beef I like crime books I am not big on fantasty.
But I cannot fault your writing or your storytelling. On my shelf.

There is much to like in this book: a sexy plot; a sympathetic heroine; mystery. I would rewrite some of the telling narration into dialogue or "thoughts". Let us experience the build-up instead of telling us it's happening. I believe with some attention there, this could turn into a page-turning thriller.
Backed with pleasure,
Ellen
(Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

There is much to like in this book: a sexy plot; a sympathetic heroine; mystery. I would rewrite some of the telling narration into dialogue or "thoughts". Let us experience the build-up instead of telling us it's happening. I believe with some attention there, this could turn into a page-turning thriller.
Backed with pleasure,
Ellen
(Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

I don't think anyone could read that pitch and not go on to read the book. Fact and fantasy are blended seemlessly and the drawing of Rachel and George is detailed and believable - a must if the more sensational bits of the story are to hold us. backed. lynn

Alessia, very clear attractive pitch. Intriguing from the very beginning when Rachel finds out she's got to cover the Luker story. Then her past position and issues build the tension from there. Dialogue is very good too. Backed.
Thomas J Winton
"Beyond Nostalgia"

What a great thught behind your book. Backed

shah

Hi Alessia,
I like to start with the pitches. I like the long one very much, though I think it could do with polish for the punctuation. After 'cursed' you need ; rather than, . ...gorgeous, crazy, mad killer. Perhaps it is better as: Luker reads it and asks to meet the author. This aside, the pitch interests me and I'd want to read on to see which way the story turns out.
Unfortunately, the short pitch would turn me off. While your long pitch suggests an original idea, the short one goes out of its way to say that this is derivative (sorry, but the way it strikes me).
McKee reckons that a writer should have a clear notion of what the controlling idea of the story is. His for Dirty Harry, is 'Justice triumphs because the policeman is more violent than the criminals.'
It sucks, I know, but it can become,'So Harry's a mean SOB. Justice triumphs. And that's what we want, isn't it?
I don't know your story well enough to think of the controlling idea, but from your long pitch -
Some crazed killersdo drink blood, yeah; but that doesn't mean they are really vampires, does it?
Bob

Thank you. Good points all and action in hand to adjust.
The whole point of the story is doubt. She wavers this way and that until the second last page. Is he or isn't he. I wasn't actually sure myself until close to the end. But thanks again for your help.

Your cover really grabs attention! I am really enjoying this book. It has the well rounded feel of a show or a movie. The details are not in any way lacking or sparse which makes the story itself even more believable. Rachel is smart, likable and human. Great work!

H Leigh Cornwell
(Blood Descent)

This is a good opening. I like how you take your time with it. The idea for the story is a good one and your writing is clear and tells the story well.

A good piece of work and worth backing.

Your opening kept me reading dialogue is snappy - will be watchlisting so I can read more.

Tiny style comment; ellipses should only ever be three dots, no more.

i.e. "You don't mean..."

NEVER MY THIRST:

Alessia,

I knew from the moment I read your profile, that I would find a novel that would impress me. And I wasn't wrong. This is a very promising piece of writing. A novel I would buy. A novel I would have at the top of the pile next to my bed.

The pitch itself, well written and intriguing, was enough to convince me that even though I don't normally read vampire books, this was one that had far more to offer than the usual vampire books. I admire the way you blend the real with the fantasy. The dialogue is real and crisp, and your characterisation is so well done that I felt I had actually met these people.

I'm sure that once you iron out a few of the normal first draft problems, this will be a novel that will appeal to a large audience, and I wish you all the luck in finding a publisher. You have the passion for writing that is the most important attribute for any successful novelist.

Backed with pleasure,
Sheila (Pinpoint)