Broken Mirror

Hi Angel - Leigh...started reading and got to chapter four. I've read your comments and can only say...this works for me. I like the way it's writen as I just need to know what happens next...and then what happens after that. I'm going to read the rest after my shift tomorrow (unfortunately working 0800-2200) so will be a late read. In the mean time...you are backed with pleasure. Lizzie Scott :-)

Angel,
Let me know if I can help out with a cover for your book.
http://authonomy.com/Forum/Posts.aspx?threadId=24987
Pitches: Short=good. Long=could use a bit of bulking up. and possibly cut into a few short punchy paragraphs.
Text: I think you prologue works for its length...and I'm on the fence about prologue use but you might give this a read...

http://pubrants.blogspot.com/2010/02/why-prologues-often-dont-work.html

Sometimes the use of dreams in books can get on my nerves but I liked yours.
I can see the YA audience really enjoying this. I think you might consider taking another look at your first chapter and see where some thinning might be done...it felt long...especially for YA books. but I believe you have solid writing skills and definitely something worth refining here!
Best of luck to you!
-=Bradley

I think this would appeal to the YA crowd and I am backing it for that reason.
I think this does need work but you do a wonderful job in drawing Trish. There is some repeatition with the plot and words used within the narrative but I think an edit will clear these up. I think the premise is engaging enough to pull the reader along. I am really not a fan of dream sequences but I did think yours furthered your story.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Angel,

Broken Mirror - re: Trish's confusion and fear, I'd try an experiment. Write the prologue and the dream sequences from inside the actual experience of the character, in first person, and see what happens. I found the description stretches the melodrama to a point where it distances me from Trish's pain, which I'm sure is not what you intend. Later on the narrating voice works, when the brother comes on the scene. Just a thought. The premise has much potential. Keep at it. Beginnings are every writer's huge challenge. Wishing you well.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Having read the opening two chapters of Broken Mirror Trish grew on me as a sympathetic character, 'She knew she was being melodramatic and she hated the fact that she was doing exactly what she despised in others' and she held back on troubling Matt with her 'bad dreams'.
I wanted to read on, always with one question at the back of my mind which was, indeed, the question you pose in your short pitch: 'Will Trish end up broken or will she strive forward even after finding out her whole life is a lie?
You manage to maintain the tension of the first chapter even within the dream that you produce in the second chapter and this, together with an ear for real conversation in your dialogue kept me engaged. Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Trish is convincingly written and her life and its regular complications well presented. She holds our interest while the little glimpses into her dream world and some secret about her life intimated in the prologue gather force and make it all more compelling. There are a few problems with word choice - you use the word stroll more than once, for instance, and it isn’t a good choice. To stroll is to walk at a relaxed or leisurely pace. Not what’s going on here. You might take the time to consider such things when you go back and edit. The broken mirror metaphor works very well in the prologue but seems out of place in the long pitch. Something more personal or concrete would be better. It's trish and her life we're interested in, not some metaphor about Trish's life. Good luck with this. I've put it on my shelf.