Book Jacket

 

rank 1565
word count 93149
date submitted 28.01.2010
date updated 25.06.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Historical Ficti...
classification: moderate
complete

Goliath

Alistair Forrest

What really happened before the religious scribes got their hands on the story of David and Goliath? Something like this perhaps…

 

Beth Lechem, Judah, 3000 years ago. A young shepherd runs away from his beastly half brothers. He is recruited to spy on a neighbouring nation with newtech weapons and a cadre of fearsome warriors, but he’s betrayed and pitched into an arena to fight a terrifying bull-headed colossus. It’s an experience that will stand him in good stead when a ragtag Hebrew rabble faces the disciplined Philistine invaders...

There have been several edits since this (incomplete) upload and now GOLIATH is available at Amazon Kindle Store. Enjoy!

 
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ancient gods, ancient near east, betrayal, bible, biblical, completed, david and goliath, hebrews, historical fiction, historical novel, israel, judah...

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Israelite tribal territory of Judah, three thousand years ago

 

PART ONE – BETH LECHEM

 

Scorn has broken my heart

And has left me helpless;

I looked for sympathy, but there was none,

For comforters, but I found none – Psalm 69:20

 

 

David was dozing when he heard the cat cough. He came alert instantly, alarmed at the panicked bleating and shuffling of his flock. He peered into the darkness, shutting out the usual sounds of the night. Only his eyes moved, his body as still as the mantis he had studied by the last of the dying sunlight. The dog at his side gave a low growl but didn’t move.

The birthing had begun earlier than usual that year and he knew that most of the young goats would be too big and too quick for a lynx, but the sheep would be vulnerable. He had lost several unsteady, unsuspecting lambs before the nights had thrown off the last of their chill and become cloyingly hot when there was no breeze. Jesse would be angry at that, and if the old man didn’t beat him, his brothers would.

David narrowed his eyes, seeking the slightest movement in the teasing shadows of the night. He eased the sling from his belt and felt in his pouch for a stone. Slowly he crept towards the place where he thought he had heard the wild cat. A brighter moon would have helped, but he could make out the mass of his flock as sheep and goats huddled closer together for safety.

The terrified scream of a lamb being clawed brought him to his feet, running now, barefoot on the cruel, hard ground. In one movement he armed and swirled his sling at his side but he could not see the target. The flock heaved restlessly around him. The dog ran back towards the dying fire, but David wasn’t relying on the lazy, frightened animal which would be no match for a hungry lynx anyway.

He saw movement. He thought he could make out the lamb, still struggling, and a darker shape dragging it as it kicked weakly. He let the stone fly and was loading a second as he heard the muffled yowl of the cat, a sound that told him its jaws had not loosed its prey. The second stone must have flown truer – more of a screech than a throaty protest this time – as the lynx released the lamb. David briefly saw moonlight reflected in the cat’s eyes as it looked back with indignation, and then it was gone. He fired two more stones into the black, empty night and ran to the stricken lamb.

One look at the bloodied neck and torn flank was enough: he took his knife and swiftly finished the job the predator had begun.

 

 

The dawn was shy and hesitant like a scolded maidservant. Grey, rock-strewn slopes slowly yielded the night’s shadows while delicate fingers of light sought the frugal grass and reeds that marked the drying brook. David shouldered the dead lamb and led his flock further up the valley, seeking any remnants of the last rains, hopefully enough pooled water to wash in before the sheep drank it dry. He thought he must smell worse than an old ram.

He kindled a fire beside the still waters that had collected behind a rocky dam he had made a year ago. The smoke thinned as the flames caught the dry acacia branches, a signal to Raddai and Elihu with their flocks. Of David’s seven older half-brothers, Raddai was the cruellest but Elihu the more dangerous. Raddai would spit and snarl, call David a turd and thump him as hard as he could. Elihu would give a twisted smile and pretend to be everyone’s friend but behind those cold eyes was a conniving malice that time and again left David desolate and wounded just when he was least expecting it. The bear and the snake. His other half-brothers had long tired of beating him, but for Raddai and Elihu, brutality was their meat and cruelty their drink.

David stripped naked and lay in the cold, shallow water, looking up at the clear sky. Its vastness made him feel dizzy. The chatter of birds and the contented murmurings of the flock were his song. He stared up at his god and felt the music swell deep inside him but he made no sound, then he closed his eyes and the song and the music became one, his spirit the harp that found impossible notes and dispelled all thoughts of his brothers’ inhumanity.

Still naked, he fed the fire with thicker branches and went in search nature’s bounty, carrying his trusty knife. Near the feeble brook he found hawkweed and sow thistle for a broth to cleanse the bowels but none of the goat weed that enlivens the mind and drives away evil spirits. Perhaps the goats had been there first. But there were several small lovers’ bushes with their aromatic grey-green needles and tiny pale blue flowers to give the meat flavour. He cut extra branches of the woody plant to dampen the fire, the best way he knew of keeping the flies away while at the same time creating sweet, heady smoke.

Watched by his ravenous dog, he skinned the lamb and pegged the fleece to dry in the sun. Insistent horseflies and the first of the day’s languorous hornets began to settle on the bloody carcass so he removed the head and placed it on a rock some distance away to distract them. The dog trotted over and began to lick at severed flesh. David fished in his shepherd’s bag for a stale crust which he tossed to the dog. He could not allow it to acquire a taste for raw meat – the stupid animal would soon equate the taste with the hapless sheep in their care.

After hanging the carcass by its rear legs from a branch of the acacia tree to drain the last of its blood, he secured it to his fire-hardened staff and, mounting each end on piles of flat stones, watched eagerly as the sacrifice to his hunger began its slow roasting. Darting lizards ran from the fire’s heat and a small asp slithered away in search of a cooler shelter from the coming day’s intensity. David closed his eyes and hummed the simple tune he had been working on during the long nights of vigil.

The meat was almost ready when he sensed a new presence intruding on his secluded oasis. Without moving his body, he half opened his eyes and scanned the surrounding hills. Raddai stood on a slope above with his donkey, his flax halug tied at the waist by an ornate leather and bronze belt, his red hair a beacon of arrogance. If Raddai had come, Elihu would not be far behind.

David’s spirit sank. He knew there was no more sanctuary even in his temple of peace. Especially not from Raddai and Elihu.

 

He knew better than to speak while Raddai and Elihu used their knives to tear strips from the roasted lamb. They chewed noisily, wiping grease from their mouths on grubby sleeves, and showed no appreciation of the feast. They watched him with dispassionate eyes while they ate, as if daring him to ask the question that burned inside him.

Where was their flock?

He took in the torn robes, the livid scratches on their ankles and forearms and their flattened, empty water skins. It was obvious to David they had both been running, perhaps from bandits and thieves. The animals had been stolen. Raddai’s hot temper would be lurking just beneath his detached demeanour, and David knew better than to open that volcano of malevolent spite. Elihu, on the other hand, was a follower not a leader, always waiting for his brothers to make the first move; he looked around casually as if admiring the view.

David took his full water skin from the branch of the acacia tree where he had hung it, and offered it to Raddai who snatched it with a grunt. While Raddai drank thirstily, David looked at Elihu, searching for signs that his nearest sibling might be in the mood to talk with a measure of respect. For a moment their eyes met, then Elihu shrugged and looked away. Raddai passed the skin to him, and wiped his wet, greasy mouth with his sleeve.

‘They’re moving north.’ Raddai reached for another morsel of meat. In the silence, disturbed only by Raddai’s open-mouthed chewing, David was left to guess what that meant.

‘Who?’ he asked softly.

Raddai stopped eating and looked at him with cold eyes. He spat a glob of fatty gristle onto the fire where it sizzled and hissed.

‘Who knows?’ Raddai shrugged his shoulders. ‘Ammonites, Moabites. Maybe even our so-called brethren from Gad or Benjamin…’

Elihu’s more youthful voice interrupted. ‘There were hundreds of them—’ but a glare from the older brother silenced him.

‘Our father will want to know who has stolen his sheep,’ said Raddai.

David’s heart sank. He knew what was coming next. Today he was to have returned with his half-brothers and their combined flocks to Jesse’s sprawling estates outside the walls of Beth Lechem, and though his home was a rat-infested corner of the grain store, it was his private place where he kept his few meagre belongings – especially his harp and reed pipes. But now he suspected he would be sent on a fruitless spying mission.

Raddai was looking at him with one eyebrow raised in mock expectation.

‘I’ll go,’ David sighed. ‘I can see you’ve been faced with impossible odds and you must be tired.’

‘Good,’ said Raddai with a vague hint of a smile. ‘We’ll wait here for you. They’re about half a day in that direction.’ A lazy wave of his arm indicated north, towards Gilgal and Jericho. ‘Talk to the locals, look for signs in the earth, and make sure you come back with information so that the old man knows exactly who is to suffer at the hand of his wrath.’

All three knew that it was they who faced Jesse’s wrath. Three days ago he had reminded them of their solemn duty to protect the flocks, but now Raddai and Elihu had failed in that duty and none of them could expect to escape his anger. He would fly into a rage, hurl threats and abuse at them, scream that they were piles of dung and worse than a stinking Edomite, but he wouldn’t lay a finger on any of them.

No, that would be left to whichever elder brothers were not away with King Saul’s army. And even Raddai would shrink from them, especially Eliab and Abinadab.

David filled his skin from the brook and picked up his sling and knife, securing them in the twisted hemp cord that served as a belt. He strapped and tied the goatskin sandals and took his food bag to the fire. He stood for a moment looking at Raddai and Elihu where they continued to eat, sprawled lazily in the acacia tree’s shade.

‘How many are they? Truthfully.’

Raddai looked at Elihu, then back to David. ‘At least thirty,’ he said eventually.

‘They killed the dogs with arrows, then rode us down with their camels,’ whined Elihu.

Raddai held up a hand to silence him, keeping his gaze on David. ‘Look, stay out of sight and just find out who they are. We’ll wait for you here, then we’ll report to the old man. He’ll raise a war party in no time, and you can ride with them.’

David’s eyes lit up. Never before had he been included in anything more than shepherding the flocks and backbreaking work in the vineyards and olive groves. Now he was being treated almost as an equal.

He cut some strips of meat and stuffed them into his food bag. He looked around for his dog but it was nowhere to be seen, so he set off at a brisk walk towards the red hills in the north.

 

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LGW wrote 674 days ago

Goliath

Attention readers: This book deserves top 100 rating on this site! The author has my respect for refusal to engage in blind back-slapping.

That which made Hallelujah for Leonard Cohen, will do the same for Alistair Forrest, for they both have a common focus: David, King David. This is the David who we sing about in the carol 'Once in Royal David's City', the same who was traced as ancestor to Jesus Christ in genealogy carefully guarded by bible historians. The book could alternately have been titled 'David', but it was Goliath who made David and I agree with the author's choice.

Among historic written records which issue from the last few millenia, few have shaped western civilisation collectively more than The Bible. Interpretation of holy scriptures was for centuries restricted to high priests of dominant religous orders, who used and abused them to their own ends. What many hold today as sacred bible record may bear little resemblance to reality in the day of origin; this is a starting point for the book. It is thus based on latest findings and interpretation of records, not purely on a biblical account.

The bible story which many were brought up on is thus transformed. It's weight is carried by a hard hitting, fleshed-out and gritty account of Israelite history. Without mincing words, it depicts the family and social dynamics from which the boy David emerged to become a revered warrior and leader of people. Attention to detail is evident in the rich scene setting detail, including terrain, plantlife, dress, tools, weapons, vehicles and foodstuffs. As a keen birder, I was even tickled by birdlife references drawn in: the hoopoe, the bee-eater and the ox-pecker.

Another significant domain within is that of polytheism. By the hands of bible writers, both ancient and modern a contiguous theme of concern is The Real God. The Israelites are ultimately portrayed as being led by, and serving the one true God, but Bible records do not fail to recount the frequent apostasies to which they were prone. The people 'wore allegiance on their sleeves', pledging themselves in much the same way that football supporters do today. The author has related this meaningfully.

This is a polished work, ready for the picking. Backed.

Lee G Wood
Trekking the Pyrenees Coast to Coast

Bob Steele wrote 734 days ago

Turning the biblical Goliath story into a thriller seems like a great idea! It is also well done, in a pacy story with a strong narrative flow and vivid characters - I especially enjoyed the way you depicted Samuel in C3, but each character has his own clear voice. You also have a great way with descriptions - the sound of a name 'like the first bite of a roasted locust' in C1, or the vision of daybreak with 'Dawn was shy and hesitant like a scolded maidservant' in C2. I also enjoyed the clever hooks at the chapter ends that kept me turning pages. Overall this is very polished work I'll be happy to back with no nitpicks.

Beval wrote 739 days ago

Well, it was never like this in scripture lesson when I was at school, mores the pity!
Wonderfully told, exciting and imaginative and a thundering good read.

strachan gordon wrote 229 days ago

Hello Alistair,I'm writing as a fellow historical author.Excellent arresting cover,a very convincing picture of BC Palestine,carried out with genuine authorly skill eg.'The sound of their chatter floated across the still evening air as Raddai handed the soldiers a wineskin and squatted beside them.'What could be better than that in terms of prose? Please forgive me if I add,you are making things unecessarily difficult for yourself by saying you won't indulge'in backslapping',this whole process is so difficult why make it more difficult?These are only my thoughts.But best of luck with this.Would you be so kind as to look at my novel 'A buccaneer' set in the 17th century,with pirates,Spanish Ladies and the attack on Panama?Thanks,Strachan Gordon

wespollet wrote 614 days ago

HI Alistair, It is a smooth reading fictional story. It held my interest and I wish you well. I back your book. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

A Knight wrote 666 days ago

Now, if the scriptures had been told like this, I might have paid more attention in religious education. Such a powerful and strong story. It's pacy, you don't get caught up in the finicky details that so many succumb to, and more importantly, you make it believable, linking it in so smoothly with what's already lain out in the bible.

I want to be ale to say something constructive, but nothing comes to mind. This is polished, and anything I pick up would be unwelcome opinion only.
Backed.
Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules are made to be broken." - Relic

Famlavan wrote 670 days ago

Goliath

I get the impression there has been a lot of thought and research in this, it doesn’t have the feel just being spewed out of someone mind. You have a great handle on using sensory predicates that adds to the richness of the narrative. A great story, very well told. – Good luck

Burgio wrote 674 days ago

I like historical fiction so despite your warning that you are grumpy, I read this. It's a good read. The research you must have done to be able to write this shows through. It makes you able to describe scenes with confidence and bring your characters to life. And, with apologies to the Bible version, makes this the easier to read choice. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of SAlt).

LGW wrote 674 days ago

Goliath

Attention readers: This book deserves top 100 rating on this site! The author has my respect for refusal to engage in blind back-slapping.

That which made Hallelujah for Leonard Cohen, will do the same for Alistair Forrest, for they both have a common focus: David, King David. This is the David who we sing about in the carol 'Once in Royal David's City', the same who was traced as ancestor to Jesus Christ in genealogy carefully guarded by bible historians. The book could alternately have been titled 'David', but it was Goliath who made David and I agree with the author's choice.

Among historic written records which issue from the last few millenia, few have shaped western civilisation collectively more than The Bible. Interpretation of holy scriptures was for centuries restricted to high priests of dominant religous orders, who used and abused them to their own ends. What many hold today as sacred bible record may bear little resemblance to reality in the day of origin; this is a starting point for the book. It is thus based on latest findings and interpretation of records, not purely on a biblical account.

The bible story which many were brought up on is thus transformed. It's weight is carried by a hard hitting, fleshed-out and gritty account of Israelite history. Without mincing words, it depicts the family and social dynamics from which the boy David emerged to become a revered warrior and leader of people. Attention to detail is evident in the rich scene setting detail, including terrain, plantlife, dress, tools, weapons, vehicles and foodstuffs. As a keen birder, I was even tickled by birdlife references drawn in: the hoopoe, the bee-eater and the ox-pecker.

Another significant domain within is that of polytheism. By the hands of bible writers, both ancient and modern a contiguous theme of concern is The Real God. The Israelites are ultimately portrayed as being led by, and serving the one true God, but Bible records do not fail to recount the frequent apostasies to which they were prone. The people 'wore allegiance on their sleeves', pledging themselves in much the same way that football supporters do today. The author has related this meaningfully.

This is a polished work, ready for the picking. Backed.

Lee G Wood
Trekking the Pyrenees Coast to Coast

alistairforrest wrote 677 days ago

I have read Goliath...except for the chapters you missed off the end, of course...
I realise my comments aren't that helpful if I just say this is brilliant and I loved it etc, but I can't think of anything else and I do really mean it.. It has action, mystery and intrigue and is terrifying in parts, but has love as well. Also very moving and heart breaking at times eg the killing of David's mother. And you describe it so well...the smell and the flies and the food etc. A lot of interesting questions about David and religon are raised. I have just two minor points that I can offer you. In chapter19, in the dramatic scene when the "ox-pickers" are sent against the 2 giants, you write"summersault" (twice) but I spell it "somersault".. There may be two versions, but I draw your attention to it, just in case you've made a mistake. Also, in Chapter 21, in last but one paragraph (where David is saving the life of Naomi and king's daughter) you use the word "careened"...do you mean "careered", or is it a word I don't know?
I'm sorry I can't be more helpful but your writing is just too good! Ive already put you on my bookshelf and I'll keep you there a bit longer. Good luck with your ranking and attracting interest from editors etc.
Cherry G. "Sister: One Woman's Journey through the Trojan War"



Cherry G - thanks for the speeling help. My proff roading has always been awful. BTW, I've kept Nitsevet alive. Just. Alistair (:

lionel25 wrote 677 days ago

Alistair, the first chapter is a smooth read. Since the opening line of most first chapters is heavily scrutinized, I would slightly reword it: David was dozing when the cat coughed. I hope this helps.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Cherry G. wrote 688 days ago

I have read Goliath...except for the chapters you missed off the end, of course...
I realise my comments aren't that helpful if I just say this is brilliant and I loved it etc, but I can't think of anything else and I do really mean it.. It has action, mystery and intrigue and is terrifying in parts, but has love as well. Also very moving and heart breaking at times eg the killing of David's mother. And you describe it so well...the smell and the flies and the food etc. A lot of interesting questions about David and religon are raised. I have just two minor points that I can offer you. In chapter19, in the dramatic scene when the "ox-pickers" are sent against the 2 giants, you write"summersault" (twice) but I spell it "somersault".. There may be two versions, but I draw your attention to it, just in case you've made a mistake. Also, in Chapter 21, in last but one paragraph (where David is saving the life of Naomi and king's daughter) you use the word "careened"...do you mean "careered", or is it a word I don't know?
I'm sorry I can't be more helpful but your writing is just too good! Ive already put you on my bookshelf and I'll keep you there a bit longer. Good luck with your ranking and attracting interest from editors etc.
Cherry G. "Sister: One Woman's Journey through the Trojan War"

lookinup wrote 689 days ago

Folks have trouble with the dryness of the Bible, its lack of embellishments. The writing here leaps off the page, making David and his contemporaries very believable. You may have intended to leave "god" just that way on purpose, as was typical of the age, but I questioned that.just the same in the first chapter. I like the way you depicted Samuel, and the dialogue dispelling any question of his loyalty to his king in Chapter 2. My book is similar, though without being a thriller. Would love to hear any input you might have. Backed enthusiastically eariler.

Catherine (The Golden Thread)

Cherry G. wrote 691 days ago

I've enjoyed your GOLIATH very much. Exciting and thoughtful at same time. Interesting how the story involves the old biblical characters most of us know from childhood. As a child I liked the old testament stories because I used to feel I was there, standing by a well, in the desert etc and that feeling has come back to me reading this.I've put you on my bookshelf.
I am also in middle of reading the Padre's book about Mary, mother of Jesus. "Most Blessed of Women" (or something like that!) . If you haven't seen it yet, it is definitely worth looking up because like your book, it looks at the what is said in the bible in a fresh and original way...I think you could have a good debate about it !Apologies if you have read it!
Anyway, well done and good luck with this.
Cherry G. (in process of uploading my story "Sister: One woman's Journey through the Trojan War"...coming soon!)

Cherry G. wrote 693 days ago

I was attracted to your book by the cover and then hooked by the pitch. I've read the first few chapters and enjoyed the style. So I've placed it on my watchlist and will come back to read more of it later. Cherry G.

kristinnb wrote 695 days ago

What a fantastic idea, to bring to life David and Goliath is a brilliant, and to turn it into a thriller... LOVE IT!! I think that this story will do really well. It better, anyway. Backed with pleasure!

Kristin
Demon in the Knight

Melcom wrote 696 days ago

Best read I've had today, thank you.

You have some wondrous phrases and the writing ripples across the screen effortlessly.

The dawn was shy and hesitant like a scolded maidservant. What a lovely line.

Great idea and something that I believe could be a publishers delight.

happily shelved

melxx

K.Z. Freeman wrote 697 days ago

this needs be made into a film.

backed
KZ

DP Walker wrote 697 days ago

A really good opening and a great start to the novel. I love the idea of David and Goliath as a thriller.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Jane Bain wrote 702 days ago

Wonderful re-working of a story we all thought we knew.
Jane Bain ('Life Script: Developing Your Personal Mythology')

WendyB wrote 702 days ago

An intriguing retelling of this story, beautifully expressed.
It's a privilege to read it.

I have to comment on the use of 'had' to indicate the past perfect tense. It is necessary to indicate an action which was completed in the past. It's use in all of the passages quoted by a previous reader is quite correct.
As is the use of the word 'that' in the passages similarly noted by the same reader. In the passages mentioned, the word 'that' may be used or omitted Either is correct. But the use of 'that' is less colloquial, and certainly more in keeping with the subject matter in this book, as the author obviously knows.

This is one of the most professionally written books I have seen on this site, and I couldn't leave these criticisms unchallenged.

Congratulations, Alistair. This is a book which deserves to be published.

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From The Beginning)

LintonWood wrote 714 days ago

You open with an impressive sense of danger and foreboding. I was a little confused at first by the jump in POV between para's 2 & 3 but I carried on. Your choice of words is often robust, and to my liking. This is the kind of novel I would read. I only have a few constructive criticisms; as with most aspiring writers (me included) you can probably condense a few things down and shorten/ break up a few long sentences. For me, it took a little to long to get to any meaningful dialogue. But in the main this is a fine effort.

Well done,
Linton

Jared wrote 719 days ago

That's such an eye-catching cover! The premise is excellent - taking a memorable biblical story and using it as the framework for a novel - and this is a fine novel. Your pitches work well and the reader has the great benefit of already 'knowing' many of the characters so we can judge their actions accordingly. The scene at the end of chapter five where David's mother persuades him to leave for his own safety, find himself and return a stronger and happier man and, as we know already, a man destined for great deeds, in particular, is very well described. You write well, the idea is good, this goes on my shelf.
Jared (Mummy's Boy).

Jesse Hargreave wrote 722 days ago

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

Debra wrote 722 days ago

As others have mentioned, I was drawn to the brilliant cover art. I'm a sucker for blue eyes! :)) You have a very powerful opening. I can easily see this in a bookstore.

Best wishes!
Debra

paxie wrote 725 days ago

Allister
Rarely do you need 'had' before an -ed verb.......eg:-

She (had) persisted, repeating her ..........She persisted, repeating....

Those eyes (had) devoured her, and his immensely strong body had almost broken her as pain and pleasure washed through her

Slowly he crept towards the place where he thought he (had )heard the wild cat.

Also, I found a few 'thats' you could have done without.

She was a mother to three children and knew (that ) this child would surely kill her

eyes and strong nose( that )her mother had always told her were her best weapons to overcome the brutality of man.

I notice because I've done the same....I've changed off line.....

Fabulous otherwise.....Enjoyed the time I spent with you...

Shelved with enthusiasm

klouholmes wrote 734 days ago

Hi Alastair, Liked the prologue and the hint about Goliath being born of one of the Nephalim. The intensity of your prose involved me with this speculative scene. So when David is portrayed, the same adherence to detail brought this traditional story into another panorama with the details about his brothers. That he is abandoned like his mother fits in with Jesse’s denial of him. Very involving and the other portrayals convince in the sense of David’s almost being cheated and of his ability to fight. It seems you have divined his character! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Bob Steele wrote 734 days ago

Turning the biblical Goliath story into a thriller seems like a great idea! It is also well done, in a pacy story with a strong narrative flow and vivid characters - I especially enjoyed the way you depicted Samuel in C3, but each character has his own clear voice. You also have a great way with descriptions - the sound of a name 'like the first bite of a roasted locust' in C1, or the vision of daybreak with 'Dawn was shy and hesitant like a scolded maidservant' in C2. I also enjoyed the clever hooks at the chapter ends that kept me turning pages. Overall this is very polished work I'll be happy to back with no nitpicks.

Final Validity wrote 735 days ago

"Brilliantly composed writing skill that may have well been history at it finest, a book I must back!"

Pavin

Tim Hawken wrote 735 days ago

The tempest screamed with demonic voices." Wow - what an incredible line. I'd almost move that to the start of the first paragraph instead of the end.

I really enjoy unique takes on old legends, and you've done a good job here. Obviously well researched.

There are a few lines that'd I'd like to see tightened up, and edited. Sometimes you overused the word and to run on a sentence when it's better to be stopped and started again. Eg, in the first paragraph of chapter 12. I thought this sentence could be better broken into two to read: "David was reluctant to push Morning Star too hard until he had negotiated the gorge. The precarious track would into the valley, with sheer cliff on one side and vertigo drop on the other."

Just a suggestion anyway.

Best of Luck with this.

Tim H
Hellbound

Freeman wrote 735 days ago

This is an interesting tale that starts with the mating between a god and a human. The introduction of David and his brothers gives us an idea of how tough life was for him.
When I read about Samuel the Seer and Beth Lechem, I started to grin and checked back to see if this was classed as a comedy. The narrative is amusing.

This is well written and I enjoyed reading it. I will back it with pleasure.

Kind regards

Tony
Life Bringer

bookjunky wrote 736 days ago

Alistair,

I love the cover of "Goliath". That alone made me want to check the book out and I am glad I did. You have a great premise and nice writing style. Very entertaining and now backed.
If you get a chance, would you mind checking out my book, "The Wild, Wild Quest"? I always appreciate any comments/feedback I can get.

Best of luck,
J. A. Johnson
(The Wild, Wild Quest)
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=13246

Padre wrote 736 days ago

Thats a powerful opening. It gives us bach ground information and sets a savage scene. Well done.

Indi A Jones wrote 737 days ago

Thoroughly enjoyed and wish that the "religious scribes" could tell a story like you, Alistair.

George Fripley wrote 737 days ago

Like the idea of taking history and adapting it to make a good story. I will get to this one in the next few days.

George Fripley
Wurzel of Clutton

yasmin esack wrote 737 days ago

Very well written
Backed
The God Equation

Fromante wrote 737 days ago

Well done with a familiar story, which everybody knows a little of, at least. There is nothing more to say, I love the way you have written this Alistair, great stuff. Backed.

Fromante. (Norman)The Witch of Hambone Bk.3. Also Muddledydo.

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 737 days ago

Wow... I have read the Bible several times, and you bring David to life effortlessly, while remaining loyal to the biblical account. You make him a real flesh and blood person, with all the human failings, hopes and longings of the psalms. I can see this having broad commercial appeal. May need to be cut to appeal to a YA audience (55k words).
Shelved
Frank

mikegilli wrote 737 days ago

Terrific adventure story...Shelved.
This seems very vividly imagined and professionally presented.
Good luck with it............Mikell The Free

Lady Calverley wrote 738 days ago

Alistair--

Elegant prose wrapped around a compelling tale. I love novels that explore a familiar story, with the author's imagination embellishing and twisting it into new directions. This is illuminating. It reads well-- and is rich with imagery and emotion, with a weightiness of literally Biblical proportions to really captivate. I enjoyed what I read and wish you sincere good luck. Onto my shelf.

Ruth/Base Spirits

lynn clayton wrote 738 days ago

Alistair, you've taken a story many people are familiar with (good start), and turned it into a commercial historical novel. Absolutely great. Backed. Lynn

Sessha Batto wrote 739 days ago

A entertaining twist on a tale we all think we know. Well written solid prose and believable dialogue. This should do very well. Backed.

Sessha

Beval wrote 739 days ago

Well, it was never like this in scripture lesson when I was at school, mores the pity!
Wonderfully told, exciting and imaginative and a thundering good read.

alistairforrest wrote 740 days ago

I wonder if you can rope Samson in? Form a sort of neolithic X-Men?


Hey Nick, bang on the money, Hollywood take note!
Alistair

Nick Poole2 wrote 740 days ago

I wonder if you can rope Samson in? Form a sort of neolithic X-Men?

Betty K wrote 740 days ago

Wonderful writing. Since I'm a student of the Bible, I can't say I agree with the premise but can't argue with your beautiful lyrical style. So have to "back:" it no matter what.

Betty K "Destiny's Weave"

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