Book Jacket

 

rank 5459
word count 11515
date submitted 30.01.2010
date updated 19.03.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: universal
incomplete

Surviving the Earthquake

Krystiana Stacy Kelly

Tamara sees her aunt being murdered during a powerful earthquake. As she struggles through the natural disaster she may become the killer’s next victim.

 

Tamara Villanueva, originally from an impoverished town and now a struggling artist in Chicago, has a certain cheerful naïveté that has always helped her through rough patches. But when she goes back to her small hometown in southern Peru, that optimism is challenged. During a massive earthquake that she’s caught in while she’s there, she watches as someone murders her aunt.

When the earthquake is over and the shell-shocked town sits around the next morning not knowing exactly what to do, she cannot seem to convince anyone that her aunt died of anything but natural causes.

The next few months take her on an intercontinental journey of truth seeking. While interviewing the people who knew her aunt best she discovers a rift of corruption decades old that will now threaten the progress and reconstruction of her town. She witnesses the toll, both physical and mental, that the earthquake has taken in ways that a newspaper article could never convey. She needs to decide if the answers she’s looking for will lead to justice - or destroy an already devastated town further.

 
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tags

amateur sleuth, earthquake, female detective, female sleuth, mystery, peru

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94 comments

 

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jfredlee wrote 823 days ago

Being raised in San Francisco and spending my career in Los Angeles, I'm no stranger to that special feeling that comes when you realize the earth is moving under you (and not in the Hemingway sense).

You nailed it.

Backed, and best of luck here.

-Jeff

Mooderino wrote 781 days ago

I read ch5

the sense of shock and fear is well portrayed, i got a good idea of the problems in such a situation and the writing genrally flowed well. Dialogue was strong and purposeful.

i felt you had a tendency to overuse adverbs, and occasionally placed them a littel awkwardly in a sentence.

There were quite a few punctuation errors, especially around dialogue tags that need to be sorted out. Even though your meaning is clear, it looks unprofessional to have
"Nothing," He stopped walking...
or
"Stop tralking." Susana said.

Occassionally it feels a bit overwritten, some trimming would help, imo, in those parts whjere people start repeating themsleves.

It could do with a good proofread, repeating words like fitful so close together stands out, but overall it is an interesting piece. Happy to back.

regards
mood

Linda Lou wrote 792 days ago

hullo Kristiana taking a look at your book here. I haven't been a real or total earthquake so your first chapter brought it home. Very exciting. Already shelved and backed.
LLL

Billiegirl wrote 795 days ago

Always love a story inspired by real life. Good luck :-)

Christina McClean wrote 795 days ago

I found this a very powerful read and the descriptions of the earthquake convincing. I like the murder scene through the shadows. The panic and sense of disorientation all seem very real and the details swing the story into life. Like the swan.
Happily backed
Christina
From Under the Bed

RonParker wrote 796 days ago

Hi Krystiana,

I've only had time to read the first two chapters, but it's a great story so far, getting right into the action from the outset. Being in England, we don't get many earthquakes here, but I'm sure your description is accurate. There are a couple or so minor editing issues. First in the paragraph starting 'The door was wide open' you have a sentence which contains the word 'background' twice. Always try to find synonyms rather than repeat a word or re-word the sentence if there isn't one.
You have a sentence reading 'in a standing in a cirlce' You don't want the words 'in a' here.

Finaly on the editing side, in chapter two you use the present tense 'lead' instead of the past tense 'led'. A common mistake because it sounds just like the metal 'lead'.

What I don't like about this is the title. First, it sounds like a documentary and secondly using the word 'escape' mkes it appear that the story's conflict has already been resolved. I know it's only a working title and if the story is published, as I'm sure it will be from the small section I've read, you won't have a choice about the title anyway, but I think you might lose readers (and therefore potential backers) here on Authonomy if people just look at the title and no further.

Good luck with this. I know it will do well.

Ron

trainspotter wrote 797 days ago

I've never experienced an earthquake, but you've done a great job of painting a vivid picture for me. A great opening chapter and very topical.
Backed with pleasure.
Shalini x

A Knight wrote 797 days ago

Brilliant, and this seems very pertinent and realistic given the recent seismic turmoil in Haiti and Chile. I'm compelled to know more about the swan. You definitely got me hooked.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules were made to be broken." - Relic

zan wrote 800 days ago

Surviving the Earthquake
Krystiana Stacy Kelly

Krystiana,
When I read your pitches, especially the short one, (which actually was butressed theoretically by the long one)
"Tamara sees her aunt being murdered during a powerful earthquake. As she struggles through the natural disaster she may become the killer’s next victim" it reminded me of a simple plot I had encountered in the crime fiction television series "Monk" in which someone was murdered during an earthquake, making the death appear as if it was as a result of natural causes, but predictably, in the end our delightful hero Monk exposed the murderer. Your story is of course more detailed and complex because your earthquake is far more serious and the consequences far graver. Of course, the chaotic scene of a devastating earthquake can be the ideal stage for murder and mayhem, and it was very creative of you to use this as your setting for the heinous crime which Tamara witnesses. Your writing is good and Tamara is a credible MC. Good luck in finding a publisher Krystiana.
Zan

lionel25 wrote 800 days ago

Krystiana, your first chapter is powerful with a good opener and ending line. Swept me into the next chapter. Good job.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

annaskitchenfr wrote 801 days ago

Wow, I really felt that earthquake from your descriptions. What an amazing story, and of course I have to keep going.... I need to know the significance of the swans. I like the way you write, it is easy to read and flows well and keeps me turning the pages. I have backed this. Just needed to read more and make a comment.

Anna
Born on Friday 13th

Richard Daybell wrote 801 days ago

Perfect time to commit murder -- during the confusion of a major disaster -- your description of the earthquake and its aftermath is convincing. Well paced. Looks like a dandy yarn.

beegirl wrote 801 days ago

This has the feel of a good old fashion yarn. You have done a great job in scene setting. Dialogue great. I do think you could move it at a tad faster pace to keep the reader breathlessly turning the page.
Barbara
The Sea Pillow
(backed it some days ago--sorry so long to get back with comments.)

Ransom Heart wrote 802 days ago

Excellent descriptions of the earthquake and the bus crash. You've got a real-time sense of jeopardy. Be careful with the excessive use of clauses introduced with "that" and "which."
Backed with pleasure, and best of luck with this original, fresh insight into border-crossing chaos.
Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

Cully wrote 802 days ago

Krystiana,

Read chapters 4 and 5 and your writing is interesting and flows easily. The dialogue is good, and my only comment on it would be to tighten it up a tad, but I'm not sure if I'm nitpicking even on that--because I do like it. Maybe ease up on the dashes where characters cut each other off. Less is more in my opinion, for a greater dramatic effect.

Overall, however, good job.

Storm Grant wrote 803 days ago

What a clever premise--you raise the stakes right in the pitch. I'm adding it to my watchlist to come back and check it out when I have the time to give it the attention it deserves.
Thanks for backing SHIFT HAPPENS.
~ Storm

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 803 days ago

The long passages in first person add the realism of news reports to events during an earthquake. The limited use of dialogue enforces the storyline yet brings personal touches to the plot. The tree and the papers inside the swans add just the right amount of mystery to move readers into the following chapters. Four chapters of reviewing perfectly written material produces no suggestions for improvements. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Burgio wrote 803 days ago

This book feels like a story that was written just at the right time and right place. I live near the San Andreas fault line so know the feeling of the ground shaking. Combining an earthquake with a mystery is good plotting. A reader can't help but relate to Tamara and how she must feel in the middle of all of this. Backed. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

bonalibro wrote 803 days ago

You have a good thing going here.

Please don't use - but hindsight is 20 20

It's the only thing I can see wrong.

What's right with this, The shaking, the confusion, the disorientation, the inability to move on shaky ground. Everything about the quake is great. Tells me exactly what they must have experienced in Haiti and Chile.
I've been through a few myself, but always mild and quite distant.

Would be happy to give this my backing if you'll have a look at mine.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

S Richard Betterton wrote 804 days ago

Very topical, tragically, at the moment, and very well described. Good characterisation too. NIce climax to the first chapter as well. great stuff! backed.
Simon

gerry01 wrote 804 days ago

Hi, I have had a look at the first couple of chapters. i spotted one mistake: 4th paragraph, .....I continued to stay were I was..... (Where, not were.)
This was quite good and my only criticism would be that you don't overdo the description. Less is more, as they say. Readers have imaginations and some like to use them. Give us a little and we will fill in the blanks. Also, maybe you could put your second chapter first. She comes to, but the reader doesn't know from what. Then you could take us there. Just an idea. I have had many comments and suggestions and sometimes it leaves me more confused. Sorry if I have done that to you. See what others think and then decide which way you should go. All in all, though, it is a good work, and I have made a note of it and plan to come back to it later. Cheers, Gerry

J.Adams wrote 805 days ago

Riveting! This is an interesting, compelling read. Timely, with the recent earthquakes from Haiti in January to Eastern Turkey yesterday! Your story really seems to capture the essence of helplessness amid unimaginable forces of nature at her wildest! I look forward to the rest of this story, when we can find out what's going on with the murder and the swans..... BACKED. Wishing you all the best,
Judy Adams
The Existence Game

Pia wrote 805 days ago

Krystiana,

Surviving the Earthquake - I've never experienced an earth quake, so found this riveting. There's great energy in the writing. And the premise is fascinating. At times my reading was held up, like ... a jolt of fear pierced the layers of shock that had been my mind's immediate reaction to the obvious disaster I was in the middle of ... . This could be sharper considering the situation. Something to look out for in next round of editing. Backed.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

tlst wrote 805 days ago

There is a great urgency to your writing which suits the first and subsequent chapter very well. You paint a frightening situation and te writing brings it to life well, adding to it with the mystery of the murder and the swan. The storyline is also intriguing and unique and I hope this does very well for you. Tania

mongoose wrote 805 days ago

I can't begin to imagine how it must feel being caught in an earthquake. Maybe because of that I felt that Tamara's response was a little muted...surely she'd feel more gut-wrenching terror? But maybe not, maybe one gets used to it. The 'wailing circle' of relatives didn't quite work for me - made them sound almost comedic. But generally this is strong writing that gets into its stride after the first few (tricky!) paragraphs. I'm happy to back y ou with it.

kittykat wrote 806 days ago

A very original, extremely creepy idea, love it. I see you like Agatha Christie and Sara Paretsky. Your theme reminds me of the former and your style of the latter. Best of luck with this. Kittykat

lizjrnm wrote 807 days ago

Wow what an incredible imagination you have amidst reality steeped prose> Wonderful and BACKED 100%
Liz
The Cheech Room

lisawb wrote 807 days ago

A captivating start that leaves the reader wanting to read on, to find out more about the swans. Who killed Aunt Laura and empathising with Tamara. A great premise and plot. This book has potential and I wish you luck with it.

Best wishes and backed.

Lisa

Valentine2010 wrote 807 days ago

Having been in a few earthquakes myself, I now of the confusion and chaos that quakes cause. I felt you captured that pretty well in the writing. I like how you wrote about the sound first. I've been in several in which the first indication of a quake was the loud noise (other quakes I've been in where quiet but I felt like I was on a boat with the rolling sensation).

I'm wondering if your MC is used to earthquakes? The rule is that you're not supposed to run outside because of falling debris. Although in the middle of it, its hard to think clearly sometimes. And of course, sometimes it might actually be the safest course. Any way, its an interesting set up and how convenient for the murderer that there is an earthquake. I'm wondering if he/she took advantage of the earthquake to strike then, or if the murder would have happened at that time anyway? I'm also curious as to who went back in the house or was left in the house to get the swan that hit Tamara on the head and was later found by the aunt. Having questions like this makes one want to keep reading and therefore a great start.

My only question is in the pitch in which you indicate the aunt is thought to have died of natural causes. But wasn't she struck and therefore wouldn't others believe she died from being hit by something falling in the quake?

JM

Nick Hupton wrote 808 days ago

Wow! Very intense beginning to this book. I am hooked. The first person narrator is an important choice that was made. It really adds to the emotion and suspense. Can't wait to keep reading.

Nick Hupton
If I Know It's Coming

Nick Hupton wrote 808 days ago

Wow! Very intense beginning to this book. I am hooked. The first person narrator is an important choice that was made. It really adds to the emotion and suspense. Can't wait to keep reading.

Nick Hupton
If I Know It's Coming

Melcom wrote 808 days ago

Lovely descriptive writing.

With an interesting premise one that must be awful to live through.

Handled very well.

Backed.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Joss64 wrote 809 days ago

Backed! Joss M. (A Bore No More)

Luke Bramley wrote 809 days ago

Good opener, a premise that really drew me in. Not too much speech, lots of action/description: just how I like it! I want to read the book, so there! Luke. Backed

Lynne wrote 809 days ago

Wow this is a really good start and the story moves at a good pace. Your description of the earthquake is clear enough to envisage the scene and I like Tamara and can empathise with her. All in all, an enjoyable read. Backed with pleasure, Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

Brian Bandell wrote 810 days ago

You wrote some heart-pounding action scenes. The Tamara character develops nicely as you go along. I would like her to remember things, such as her previous interactions with her relatives and what she was told in school to do in case of earthquakes, in addition to her reacting to the events as they unfold.

I'll back this.

Brian

pinkcoffee wrote 810 days ago

Fantastic... I wish you the best of luck with your book. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Fellpony wrote 810 days ago

I'll be honest - murder AND an earthquake just seem too much of a coincidence. Now if one preceded the other... Your descriptions of the earthquake in Ch 1 and the aftershock in 9 are believable, but I wasn't convinced that if the floor was rippling you'd be worrying about the ornament that hit you (of course if this was your actual reaction in the real world, I apologise!) I think this can be much better and my gut feeling is to try to make it either an autobiographical account of earthquake survival, or a sleuth tale - one has to take precedence.

Patrick Xavier wrote 810 days ago

Riveting right out of the gate and doesn't let go.

Sandy Grubb wrote 810 days ago

It sounds like you have personal experience. I'm sorry. Nice writing.

soutexmex wrote 810 days ago

Read the first chapter. How coincidental with all these earthquakes recently. Both those pitches could use some work though. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

cbearly wrote 810 days ago

Krystiana:

You have a very impressive descriptive voice. I was placed in the the moment (a scary place to be). The story is original and flows nicely. I do not agree with changing the title. There are numerous books already in print using that title. Your title is original and fits your story nicely.

Backed with the best of luck
Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

marywood18 wrote 810 days ago

You have set up a dramatic opening and one that really pulls the reader in, You describe the scene vividly what a terrifying experience, well done, I am backing on only having read the first chapter as I feel confident you can sustain this suspense throughout, best wishes, Mary

DP Walker wrote 810 days ago

Hey, this is a great first chapter. Really draws the reader in. Looking forward to reading more.
DP Walker
Five Dares

David Fearnhead wrote 810 days ago

A very timely book following the events in Haiti and Chile, we seem to be in the time now when the earth is resettling itself. What I like about this book is that most Earthquake related books start before the quake, spend a large portion on the book building up to it, then climax with the quake before tailing off into the end. What you do is deal with the repercussion of the quake and a perfectly hidden murder. I liked this book for its originality of plot and clever staging of the novel.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

sjbal wrote 810 days ago

Hi Krystiana,
You have created an excellent story here, the concept of a murder entwined with the destruction of an earthquake is brilliant and very sellable. On my shelf.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Paige Pendleton wrote 811 days ago

This was a little hard for me to start to read as my cousin was in the Haiti quake and missing for 10 days (but fine I am happy to say). You really do this justice (which is what I was afraid of).

It is a testament to your writing skills how well you handle "multiple suspenses". It could so easily be overdone, and it's just right (maybe write is more apt). This is a great addition to the genre. Backed with admiration.

lynn clayton wrote 811 days ago

It's such an eerie image - someone being murdered during an earthquake. You describe it excellently, by the way. But I agree with a comment below that 'Earthquake' would be a better title, more ominous. When I first saw your book, I thought from the title that it was an autobiog. about living through the disaster. The cover backs up the impression. But the book, with its excellent characterisation and suspense should go far. backed. lynn

Anna Rossi wrote 812 days ago

Terrifying and compelling. For those of us who have never experienced an earthquake your book is an education in itself. Your characters leap from the page, and the unusual tale you have spun around them makes for very good reading.
I loved it, and hope it makes it to the bookshops where I'm sure it will be a great success.
Anna (Black Damask)

John Wickey wrote 815 days ago

With all the earthquakes recently, hopefully you will get some added interest. It is a good backdrop for a murder mystery anyway. Good luck!

John Wickey
Future's End

Sheila Belshaw wrote 815 days ago

SURVIVING THE EARTHQUAKE:

Krystiana,

This is indeed a harrowing tale, fantastically told in a way that is so vivid it almost makes the reader feel she is right there with you. And there is no better way to tell a story. Realistic, taut dialogue, and characters that jump off the page make it an irresistible read.

Because the events in themselves are so hair-raising, and becasuse what you and the other characters do is so very alien and amazing to all of us who have not experienced this terryfying event, I don't think it is necessary for you to tell us, for instance, that you were shocked. e.g. Shocked, I stood obediently. Omit shocked because we know you must be. I stood obediently is far stronger on its own. Let the events and actions speak for themselves. They give all the strength and shock that is needed. That way we can picture your shock. We can imagine it for ourselves.
You've done a marvellous job here. Good luck with it. It must be published.

Backed, with awe and admiration,
Sheila (Pinpoint)

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