Starflakes

This work is a model for the craft of storytelling because of the gentle start while waiting for birth, the mention of "Starflakes and a glow," and the special day when it snowed because of thoughts by the protagonist. The time skip works well. A most interesting aspect of the work is the wonderful descriptive qualities while presenting an interesting plot. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

This is very charming and soon has me drawn into the story, that is like an adult fairy tale. I also love the cover and pitch. Backed with pleasure
BADD

I've read the gorgeously evocative "Before-wards" and the first chapter, and I'm completely hooked.

I can't read more now as I'm at work, so I'm going to pop this delightful book on my book shelf and come back to read more later.

I can already tell that STARFLAKES is beautifully crafted, with intriguing characters and a mysterious world that they inhabit within our own, and I'm confident that this will be a huge success

Best wishes
Gail
NEW BEGINNINGS

Well crafted story. the writing is charming.
On my shelf.
A Zoomer
Going Out in Style

I love this story. It is just beautiful. The description of this unique girl before her birth is captivating-I like the way you use the words-sprite-you can see the sweet liquid she is floating in.

The fact that the the chapters are short is fantastic. I t makes the reader want to turn the pages faster, and I am assuming this is a children's story- all the better.

Backed.

Malika
Ashes of Hope.

Why is this book dropping? I am SHELVING to turn this arrow around. This is some good writing for the YA audience.

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

From the lovely cover to the lovely writing and story, perfectly enchanting, Maggie P.

This is the most lyrical pitch I've come across and gives an excellent idea of the kind of book we'll find. Your descriptions are scrumptious - so much so, I'd say you needn't qualify them with a single adverb. I consider that the best thing I've learned from Authonomy and thought I'd pass it on. Your writing needs no qualification. It's beautiful. backed. Lynn

Really pretty imagery. The title helps as well, it really sucked me in! Very nicely written!

This is a beautifully written book for young adults- the cover caught my eye and I don't understand why this has a red arrow! You have a gift of the imagination! BACKED with pleasure and get this back to green cause this is special!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi Tamara

This is a beautiful and delightful story and I adored reading part of it.
You have a lovely and almost poetic style of writing which will appeal to any YA reading this.
As a magic lover myself I just know this will be a hit and your cover is perfect.
Backed with pleasure.
Sarah. T-cup and the Dream Team Fairies

This work is a model for the craft of storytelling because of the gentle start while waiting for birth, the mention of "Starflakes and a glow," and the special day when it snowed because of thoughts by the protagonist. The time skip works well. A most interesting aspect of the work is the wonderful descriptive qualities while presenting an interesting plot. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

I like your book but think you could do a much better job on your pitches that should really sell what the book is about. Your opening paragraph is a bit too long to read easily, so you may also want to think about splitting this? Otherwise you have good pace and an intersting style. Dialogue is good and characters engaging. Backed with pleasure. Colin

Now this, is lovely work...beautifully done.
Backed!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a read of your book.

Starflakes is a lyrical piece of work. From the before-wards with the smells and sounds of magic and Lyra's dual and magic nature to the birth scenes with snow in California, this just sparkles. Backed

Great pitches.....especially your short pitch. Title, covers,,,all would make me pause. And what follows does not disappoint, Creative premise, great characterizations, imagery, all of it - you are a fine writer. I enjoyed it, sent a link to my niece, and backed.

Wonderful short pitch, made me want to read the book. Beautiful characterisations and descriptive writing.
Backed.
Andrea. Breach of Faith.

Dear Tamara Milliken,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I loved your pitch, as it captures the enchantment of the girl. Only two things about it concerned me. The first is the adverb “brightly” as it doesn’t add onto the already visual and potent word “sparkle”. On the other hand “slightly magic” is better because it adds some cuteness to the rather brazen “magic”. My second concern is that Jim creeped me out, as I pictured Lyra as being just a girl. His love of a minor does, admittedly, add tension, but one that sits at odds with the happy-fairy mood of your story. The problem might be in the word of him working “magic of his own” as I picture him seducing the girl with spellcraft. Now, granted, I have a blackened heart, but more precise wording in that last paragraph may relieve any confusion in your readers.

Your words have magic, and I can only watch in awe as you discover more and more of it. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Thank you! My husband did it for me - I lucked out!

Tamara,
Who did your cover?! I really like it.
Your pitches are full of charm.
The text ...so much to love. Wow. I think with a bit of polish this could really soar.
Best of luck to you!
-=Bradley

Tamara,
Who did your cover?! I really like it.
Your pitches are full of charm.
The text ...so much to love. Wow. I think with a bit of polish this could really soar.
Best of luck to you!
-=Bradley

Backed February 12.

Jesse - Savant

This book is way outside my normal reading zone but I am so glad I stepped out. Attracted by your beautiful title, and cover backed up by an excellent pitch the characters and story did not disappoint. Well done. Backed.
No obligation but if you could find the time to "step the other way" and have a quick look at "A Patch of Dappled Sun" I would be very garteful.

BACKED, with pleasure.

shah

A great cover / title combination and a truly beguiling pitch, that first line, 'This is a story of a girl who is slightly magic' is wonderful. The combination of two youthful characters and magic is enticing and you write with skill and confidence in a style perfectly suited to the genre. I stumbled over Before-Wards as a chapter heading and that opening would read better if split into paragraphs, but 'I was human the majority of the time' is excellent.
More long paragraphs, the one in chapter 5 really does need to be cut down, but the image of Lyra, 'shining like a goddess' is very strong. Great link at the end of the chapter too. Young girls in particular will love this. Backed.
Jared.

Beautiful imaginative story! Your MC is enchanting with her special gifts. I will return to read more, but for now this is backed.

HJ
The Pearl Edda

Thank you. I have done two personal edits, but each time I read it I do see too many words! I cant believe how many had's I had! You advice is appreciated!

Tamara

I'm not really a Fantasy fan, so I avoid commening on plot and try to help the writer in another way.....

D'you think you need the words in brackets?

Things like old train trusses (that were ) built long ago to allow trains to travel over water.
would take (you) to run to the other side in the unexpected event of a train rumbling around the corner
But,( then ) we moved to western Washington when I was a teenager
which meant (that) I was human the majority of the time
He held (up) a picture
Well, I’ve (just )never seen anything like it before.”

I used to edit travel brochures, it made me economical with words....you may entirely disagree.

Fabulous read... I enjoyed the time I spent with you...

Shelved of course.

This is an original, imaginative story, told with considerable beauty. Your pitch, especially, is written poetically, as you show us Lyra running through the woods, watched by Jim, and the starflakes crystallising around her; and you continue this style into the actual book. Jim is a mysterious figure. Translucent to Lyra's gaze when she is allowing her magic to work, he also tells us that in the car crash which killed his parents, he survived unharmed, and was found nearly two days later sitting under a nearby tree, safe and happy. Clearly there must be something magic about him, too. You set your scene, and describe your action and your characters, in a lovely, flowing style which has its own rhythm. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

awesome!! I was born in Southern California !~ but.. that's where the similarity ends..aah well.

great start, intriguing and a push to read more. and I will!

Lisa~

Tamara:

I absolutely love curling up to books that take me away from the dreaded events of today's world. Starflakes did that for me, and for that, you have my backing.

Best of luck,

Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

Tamara

I'm not really a Fantasy fan, so I avoid commening on plot and try to help the writer in another way.....

D'you think you need the words in brackets?

Things like old train trusses (that were ) built long ago to allow trains to travel over water.
would take (you) to run to the other side in the unexpected event of a train rumbling around the corner
But,( then ) we moved to western Washington when I was a teenager
which meant (that) I was human the majority of the time
He held (up) a picture
Well, I’ve (just )never seen anything like it before.”

I used to edit travel brochures, it made me economical with words....you may entirely disagree.

Fabulous read... I enjoyed the time I spent with you...

Shelved of course.

Hi Tamara,
I wanted to check out some of the other YA on this site so I started with Starflakes and I'm really glad I did. I absolutely loved your beginning. You have quite a way with words. I was completly drawn in to the doctor's fears and concerns about the mysterious fluid. I loved the prologue with the comments about the Starflakes. I also loved the frustration of Lyra chasing about the boy in the forest and knowing she's not going to catch him.

Great stuff.

My only nit pick is that you used controlled twice and controlling once in the course of two sentences. Might want to try and find a different word there to make it less awkward.

Cheers and shelved.

"I remember when I was a little girl, and I had yet to figure out the difference between when I was human and when I was magic," is a very beautiful, but aren't we all magic? Of course, western Washington is magic. The Olympic mountains are magic, Puget Sound is magic, and the mushrooms that grow wild are magic. I guess you did not mean the mushrooms? Perhaps, you did. That is where the starflakes come in.

Seriously, this is a very lovely book. I love the ultrasound with the healthy baby swimming in Sprite. The name Aquila is a great choice for the mother, a star constellation and Latin for eagle. It's a beautiful name and one that I almost used for my own daughter. "Besides, who wouldn't be happy, swimming around inside of you . . . I know I always am." That sounds a little racy, but the name for the baby is suitable: Lyra. Another star constellation, like the mother. Then, she is born on the only "snow day the city had even seen."

In the next chapter, she is already a young woman and she spies a ghostly boy in a very small lake that she considered a friend that she added water to in a magical way. I coming back to this when I get a little more time. Shelved with pleasure.

Yes, I agree with others, this reads like a fairy tale. I love that quality you evoke in your passages - dreamy, ethereal.
It also feels caught in the middle of YA and children's like my own. This is a middle grades read. There is so much lovely innocence - at least in the beginning.
Lovely!
Good luck.
Backed,
Ellen
(Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

Hi Tamara, This has an entrancing flow and the scenes are touched with the quality that makes Lyra special. Her perception of Jim in the woods, the bucolic peace and the ghostly aura, established transcendent possibilities. His working for her father seems so ideal and yet she alludes again to her ethereal relationship with what’s around her. You’ve maintained this atmosphere; an original handling! The pitch says it too – “slightly magic.” That’s beckoning! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

I found this addictive reading, it is written so beautifully and the descriptions of the starflakes magical. It seems original to me though I have to say I don't generally read this genre. It seems well suited for Ya. For some reason it reminds me of the Snowman and I could see it done either as a film or an animation. I wish you all the best with it.
Backed
Christina
From Under the Bed

Tam,
A quaint even simple voice that may just be appealing to the YA audience.
It isn't my type of read, but the first time I read the premise of Harry Potter, I thought 'give me a beak.'
It turns out I completely enjoyed those so I guess my first impressions are suspect.
I didn't see anything I could suggest to help improve this. You have done a good job editing.
Well done,
MickR - The NIghtcrawler

Lovely characters, lovely writin, actually an all round lovely read.

Good luck with it.

Melxx
UNICORN
(crime/thriller)

Tamara, what can I say, this is so lovely, beautiful, and all the other words which go with those. There is a couple of problems with some of the paragraphs, but nothing that detracts from the whole. They just need breaking down a little, as I have often been told about my books. The troulbe with that is, once you are in the grove and typing away, you do not notice these things, or at least an old one like me does not! This is such a wonderful story, I wish you all the best with it, GOOD LUCK. Backed.

Fromante. (Norman) The Witch of Hambone Bk.3. Also, Muddledydo.

This is a sweet, well written, character driven book that draws in the reader with all the creative juices of a magic, suspense and love. Absolutely adorable.

sue

Tamara,

I don't often say this but your book cover is really beautiful. It reminds me of the works of the illustrator for "The Gruffalo."

Your pitch and story were bold and yet gentle. Very readable.

Happy to back.

Hsiau Hsia Moo

(The Monarch Butterfly)

With an MC called Jim how could I resist! the cover is great, certainly does its job to pull the reader in. Lovely story, well realised. Jim D Serpent's Blood

You have the gift of storytelling. I'm impressed. Backed with pleasure. Sana

I like this a lot. So many of these types of stories are pretty much the same, but yours, with the attention to sensory details and your unusual characters, is different in very welcome way. I've only read three of your short chapters, but I can tell already that this would be a fun book for wiling away a chunk of a stormy Saturday.

Different and definitely appealing, plus a terrific cover & title. In your Ch 1, btw, technically it should be /fewer/ concerns and responsibilities. Backed with pleasure.

What an incredibly creative story. I love your prologue, it is truly lyrical. The only suggestion I would have is to split up the paragraph... don't change any of the writing. Otherwise this is a beutiful peice and so vivd... I love the line about the fluid looking like sprite and the first day of snow in SoCal. This will make it far and will speak to its audience. I am happy to back this!

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

Great beginning. You pull us in with sensual detail, you have fantasy elements right up front, you've got a great premise for the human/magic girl, and I want to know what the Starflakes are. I wonder if you might be better off with shorter paragraphs, though. Regardless, this is a stellar beginning.

Chapter 2 is very cute. It gives me warm fuzzies, and I like feeling warm and fuzzy. Seriously, I really like it.

Furthermore, you have a serious problem with being too awesome. Nice simile with the lake in chapter 3. I will say in chapter three that it felt like a lot happened in a short stretch of time. Perhaps there could be more grounding descriptions in it. It feels to me like it needs to be stretched out and lengthened a bit. It's also hard for me to understand exactly HOW she is moving. Maybe you could describe that a bit more.

Thanks so much, this was truly fun to read.

Moses Siregar III
DEUS EX KARMA, an epic fantasy in homage to Homer's Iliad.

Hi Tamara. Your book is very cute! :-) I love the title and the book cover. Very beautiful! :-) Your story is strong, and I like the premise for it. I connect easily with your characters, and I believe your book can be enjoyed by readers young and old. Excellent work! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

This is very charming and soon has me drawn into the story, that is like an adult fairy tale. I also love the cover and pitch. Backed with pleasure
BADD

I hate being the first one to comment but someone's got to do

I've been attracted by the title. I thought this is a nice story that flows pretty well. The subject is original. you have a good voice for your audience

Good luck
Tamara