Providence, Book One of the Madigan Trilogy

You build the tension beautifully - I'm racing through the story to find out what it's all about. Your characters and settings are so natural that I haven't questioned anything I've read so far. A splendid piece of YA literature that crosses over to the adult market very easily.
Backed x

This is effective, atmospheric writing and quite perfect for your YA audience. There even seems an ecological theme that will surely suit the market. I am assuming the creature in the prologue is one of the shape-shifters mentioned in the synopsis. Either way, it is a beautifully written opening - subtle yet startling. I cetainly liked Kenley as your MC and a very typical teenager (for the moment, at least), and I did like the mystery of the new trail. Overall, I would say this was superb storytelling - clear, consie but with a lyrical quality that is rare in any fiction. Well done. carl.

Tawn, What can I say this is such a inventive, creative perfectly paced piece of writing your MC's are so natural.. True siblings and even more intriguing with the fact that they are triplets. I have read 7 chapters thus far and must put it down because of prior commitments but I will be back... I will absolutely go out and support you. Your are gifted and extremely talented and though not a YA I am thouroughly enjoying this...I am on the edge of my seat and my wheels are spinning...Thankyou so much... Backed happily Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

as i said before, the cover and pitch are enough to draw in the dark YA crowd....but your writing is also hugely strong. i like the idea of triplets - nice and different - and like that you keep to one POV. kenley is an interesting character and it's good to see the world through her eyes. love the description of trigg (SUCH interesting names!) as an abercrombie poster boy! also love the setting - i have been to oregon once and very briefly - as part of a long road trip from the east coast and loved it to bits. such an atmospheric place and well worthy of a story of its own (maine and the deep south have had their fair share!)
i've read four chapters and am interested and intrigued.. one question - what is a grille?
very happy to back you with this very engaging story.

Hi Tawn. I have to admit that after your breathtaking prologue I was a little disappointed; the writing seemed a bit prosaic by contrast, but having said that I think you write really well.
Julia. ('Jelly-Boy')

The book reads well.Thanks, as i generally do not go for this genre but am glad i did . I plan on coming back for more.
Red

Dear Tawn, I hope you'll have a look at my message, thanks, Pia

This is really good so far--as trainspotter mentioned, you are very good at building the tension. in my opinion the first chapter is gripping enough that it would almost be better to get rid of your prologue, which I find to be too cliched and not enough in sync with the tone of the rest of the story. the prologue makes it sound like your book will be set in a fantastical world of knights and kings and so on, and the switch to our modern day world--even if you are writing about a magical version of our world--is jarring and makes the prologue seem pompous. that being said, the energy really picks up in the first chapter. backed!
KL

Exactly my kind of book!
BACKED
Raquel
Foxblood

Brilliant premise, brilliantly executed. A tense and absorbing fantasy told with style. Well drawn characters. Interesting dialogue. Evocative narrative. Magnetic writing. An entertaining read. Backed.

Tension filled story. The prologue is a great hook, and sets the scene well for Kenley's eerie morning encounter. Good dialogue and descriptive passages throughout. Your characters are well defined, as is their world. This is a fabulous book!

With nothing to pic at, I found a typo at the end of the first chapter, three lines from the bottom "your" should be you're".

Backed with pleasure!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Dear Tawn
how did I miss this book the first time around, I dont know, but I did not miss it the second for sure. Firstly it was the book cover that attracted me and then I read your long pitch, you had me. full of all the things I love and it took me into a fantasy world that has been created so well. You have vividly placed your characters in my head and they are not going home anytime soon. sheer genius with words. I have not read it all but you must put more up please..All the arrows are showing red so I have no idea who is up and who is down but
.I will carry on reading and comment further on as I would like to get this book of yours backed to assist it on the climb to the top.
Backed for sure my me. ..I would really appreciate it if your would look at my book, COMMENT , and back it. If not that is OK also
The VERY best of luck with your book

Denise
The Letter

Hi Tawn

The prologue's well-written if a bit baffling. The prose is good and the dialogue natural. I think chapters 2 and 3 move along a bit slowly. We don't really need to know in agonising detail how long it takes her to get up. Having said that, I think the book has a lot of potential, it is well-written and you have a sympathetic likeable MC. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Great beginning - what is he? Why is he there? The atmosphere of the forest and the creatures. A feeling of menace growing. Then we go to chapter 2 where everything seems normal.. at first. We hear the radio announcer talking about the forest, a missing ranger, bear tracks. The girl takes little notice - it's just background news, but we know. We meet the MC in her everyday setting but before we know where we are, something else unpleasant happens. The part where whatever it is hits the window was terrifying - horrible mental pictures created. This is compelling and I am watchlisting you and will read further, then back this.

Excellent prologue coupled with a crisp writing style makes this work a page-turner. I don't often read in this genre but the storyline pulls me along. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures) (Literary Agent Blues)

I've criticized innumerable stories here for the number of sentences they have beginning with pronouns; you use the technique perfectly to your own ends in your prologue. You know the craft. Your narrative has a nice mysterious tone to it, and your switch to mundane family life is effortless. Easy to back.
Craig
The Job

I enjoyed the synopsis. There are some concepts (just a few, not many) that are similar to what I am writing, so I thought they were good ideas of course :) I LOVE that each book will follow a different triplet. One question--do you feel you've covered all the main events in your synopsis? That is something you will want to do, if you haven't already. Even from your synopsis I can tell that you know how to write. Grammar and punctuation is in order. your book is the whole package--great characters, great premise--even your characters names, the book title, and the book cover are great. I believe I've read your first chapter before but I not sure I commented. I backed it again just to be sure.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Chapter 8

This sounds like an interesting place, a lighthouse and a waterfall. The smell of salt in the sea air is always great. Then the ominous presence. The storm is well written and their reactions well thought out. I held my breath as I read it. The impact strike near Kenley and the effect on her was a good ending to the chapter and a good hook forcing the reader to turn the page.

This is well written with realistic narrative. Happy to back.

Anthony
Aqua Omega

Tawn, the initial chapter posed those questions a reader wants answered: What is the creature with paws and furs yet with full consciousness? What evil awaits? And then the second chapter, set in familiar environment, begs for the connection to be made. I have backed this, and thank you for your comments about The Stone Dragon. Tom Kepler (Also, it's wonderful to read a manuscript lacking proofreading errors.)

I think you have a very attractive pitch particularly for teenage girls. I'm long past teen years, but makes me want to read the book! -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

I loved the premise and have enjoyed chapters 1 and 2. Will read more. Meanwhile, on my Watchlist.
Taiella (SECOND LOVE)

This is excellently written, smooth flowing prose, good dialogue and an undelying feeling of menace.
masterful.
Backed

A story that has you holding your breath, and the characters are alive. Very well done. Marj.

You build the tension beautifully - I'm racing through the story to find out what it's all about. Your characters and settings are so natural that I haven't questioned anything I've read so far. A splendid piece of YA literature that crosses over to the adult market very easily.
Backed x

Providence

This is a very skilful mix of fantasy and the world, as we know it.
You create and ground Kenley so well before you move into the fantasy element.
Written using good sensory predicates this is very good – Good luck

This is effective, atmospheric writing and quite perfect for your YA audience. There even seems an ecological theme that will surely suit the market. I am assuming the creature in the prologue is one of the shape-shifters mentioned in the synopsis. Either way, it is a beautifully written opening - subtle yet startling. I cetainly liked Kenley as your MC and a very typical teenager (for the moment, at least), and I did like the mystery of the new trail. Overall, I would say this was superb storytelling - clear, consie but with a lyrical quality that is rare in any fiction. Well done. carl.

Well done Tawn, well written and attractive to your YA audience, this should do well. Good Luck.
Norman.

Tawn, What can I say this is such a inventive, creative perfectly paced piece of writing your MC's are so natural.. True siblings and even more intriguing with the fact that they are triplets. I have read 7 chapters thus far and must put it down because of prior commitments but I will be back... I will absolutely go out and support you. Your are gifted and extremely talented and though not a YA I am thouroughly enjoying this...I am on the edge of my seat and my wheels are spinning...Thankyou so much... Backed happily Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Tawn.

Great job and Backed.

You have used age old legends and put them together in a wonderful, modern, style. You have a good hook at the start, good chapter to chapter draw, realistic dialogue, and just plain good writing. It is fun to read.

Can you read, comment on, and back Jamie 7?

Thank you
Keep smiling
Joseph D Palermo

Dear Tawn,

I usually don't like this gendre but you sucked me right in. You have a lovely writing style making this an easy read. Well done.

Cheers,

Andrew Burans,
The Reluctant Warrior

Tawn,

This is just very well written. It's one of very few in the past week that I've gotten into so quickly and just kept reading. You do well to tell your story, but you really bring out your characters. This is the complete package when it comes to all those elements that you hope to find in a book.

Lockjaw

A great read, really strong, perfect for the current YA market. Good flowing prose, a story that has magic, adventure and love with a story that carries without being cliché. Your characters are more than just believable, they're likeable, and more. Fantastic.
Backed.

Bobby
Dented Sensation

Fixed, thanks! I've switched how its written a few times, looks like I accidently blended the two :-)

Only had time for a quick peek and wanted to let you know there is a typo in the sentence about the daily mantra.

Only had time for a quick peek and wanted to let you know there is a typo in the sentence about the daily mantra.

Dear Tawn, I like how you start in chapter 1, then go to chapter 2 which so easy to read because of short paragraphs. It grabs the audience. Since I already backed your book (& you backed my two), I'll put you on my watchlist to help advance your book.
Thanks so much for your feedback, too. :)
Love, Susie :)

Thanks for your story, Tawn. Hope you'll read mine, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not & my unedited version, Tell Me True Love Stories of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. Thanks, Susie :)

This is a wonderful beginning, full of drama and plenty of hooks. I love the build-up of tension before Kenley sees the eyes at the window - really creepy. That plus the photo part makes you really want to read on. Just 2 small suggestions: “…internal negotiations to begin” – think that should be “began”? Also, Kenley sounded too pretty to need to envy her sister - maybe you could describe the specific "problem areas" she has :-) You hint at spots...maybe you could add more detail?

Best of luck with this, happily backed.
Kittykat (My House Eats People)

This story is a good mix of the real world and a fantasy world. Kenley is a good heroine. Making her a triplet makes her unique even before the supernatural aspects of the story begin. Good going. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Tawn, your prologue and first chapter read smoothly. I like how the first chapter ends. Good work.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I hate mornings too. The opening was very good...all the senses engaged. Looking forward to coming back and reading more. Backed.

The kind of book that I love.
Backed

A timeless Prologue, redolent of anything from a classic horror story to a Celtic fairytale. The reader knows that he/she is in capable hands...witness the feel for words...'paws pad..muffled..mossy'. THe author is clearly a natural story-teller. Backed.

Re: Chapter 2 It is very hard to write action scenes. Movies and TV can play with light, sound,music,camera angles and an untold number of other effects to create an action scene. We authors, have only words (and punctuation!) I find that my action scenes have more zing if I ease off on the "ing" words. In chapter 2 these are consecutive sentences: Gasping she struggled backward...Losing her balance...her head smacking...Ignoring the stab pf pain she bolted upright, looking to the window..." Although there is nothing intrinsically or gramatically wrong with "ing" words, they do slow down the action. Try varying your sentence structure. "Ignoring the stab of pain, she bolted upright and looked to the window." "A gasp ripped up her windpipe as she struggled backward" "She lost her balance and smacked her head into the wall..." Just a suggestion. Like I said, action scenes are murderous to write. You have a dilly of a one happening here, though. Good work! Loved your intro.
Eileen Schuh
Canadian Author FIREWALLS

Wonderful, moody start, steeped in the supernatural and full of foreboding. Kenley, while also moody, is at first sight, as normal as any teenager who won't get out of bed in a morning. Nice observations of her arguing with herself and feeling for the snooze button. 'Bryn was nowhere in sight', okay, shivery moment. 'A loud crack', 'something enormous', erk. Back to normality, but now with a dark tinge to it, and that emphasised by the photo, though breakfast is a playful riot between the triplets. Abrupt change from calculus to mysterious forest, but, drat, Bryn wakes her up. Then Connor's dad's report of strange sightings. That's not going to stop them going hiking, though, is it?

Some gorgeous descriptions and turns of phrase, Tawn, 'Spooked, they took flight in one unified mass, creating a long shadow on the ground'. 'charming to the point of being illegal'. The writing shows real talent (I'll message a few suggestions), excellent dialogue, and a story that mixes cheerful teenagers with spooky undercurrents of nature's hidden powers. Happy to put this on my shelf.

I wondered if your heroine's last name has a significance? Given that Magadan was the end of the line for gulag prisoners in the Soviet Union, it's a hugely evocative name. Just wondering. Tom Armbruster (West of Laredo)

A very good first chapter. The voice is right for your desired audience. You tell the story very well. A worthy piece of urban fantasy. Write on!

as i said before, the cover and pitch are enough to draw in the dark YA crowd....but your writing is also hugely strong. i like the idea of triplets - nice and different - and like that you keep to one POV. kenley is an interesting character and it's good to see the world through her eyes. love the description of trigg (SUCH interesting names!) as an abercrombie poster boy! also love the setting - i have been to oregon once and very briefly - as part of a long road trip from the east coast and loved it to bits. such an atmospheric place and well worthy of a story of its own (maine and the deep south have had their fair share!)
i've read four chapters and am interested and intrigued.. one question - what is a grille?
very happy to back you with this very engaging story.

Wow! I was drawn in immediately and didn't want to leave....not a genre I'm overly familiar with, I can see now that I could be after this great introduction! Backed with pleasure.

Tawn -

Great piece of writing. Your prologue kept me riveted and left me with a sense of something dark and dramatic about to happen, without telegraphing what it might be.

Happy to back PROVIDENCE/

Amnd best of luck with it.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR.

A book for all ages complete with wonderful descriptive prose and well crafted settings, drawing the reader in effortlessly. This has great potential and something I will come back to read more of as time permits. On my shelf already.

A book for all ages complete with wonderful descriptive prose and well crafted settings, drawing the reader in effortlessly. This has great potential and something I will come back to read more of as time permits. On my shelf.

Very engaging--your vivid prose makes this easy to back. Your characters are well-rounded and you have an interesting plot. Providence looks like a real winner to me. Shelved.

-j

I do like the way you blend the ordinary with the fantastic - and your "ordinary" is already somewhat extraordinary! You don't meet triplets every day. Your descriptions of Oregon, a place I've never been, are just lovely, and Kenley is easy to identify with, caught between exceptional siblings while she thinks she's average.

Typos: ch. 2- "It didn't take long before... to began" - this sentence doesn't quite scan. Maybe delete the "to".
Ch. 3- "it's way to[o] heavy"

Shelved.

Hi Dave,

Kenley is a real name... Celtic for 'Royal Meadow' which has significance later in the story. All the characters names (in every Madigan Family generation) have Celtic or Irish meanings directly related to who they are, what they represent, and what supernaturel powers they've been belssed with. But now you have me curious to hunt down a YouTube clip on Ken Lee. :-)

Tawn

I was all but ready to dismiss this from reading the pitch. It didn't feel original, the usual thoughts of another twilight fan has taken to writing her own version, and then your threw in the celtic thing and I was, I admit already beginning to sharpen my knives...
And then I started the book and it was instantly clear that we have a writer here. The prologue is economical, rhythmic and efficient. It really does set the tone very well. I have read this story before, but you tell it in a better way than most. You do the personable things very well. The relationship between Kenley and her grandmother is well handled. Is Kenley a real name or is this created for the novel? It reminded me of that woman on bulgarian idol who sang "Can't live..." as Ken Lee and thought that the song was about a man called Ken Lee..i guess it will just be a in joke for those who are familiar with the youtube clip.
Anyways despite my earlier misgivings I'm more than happy to back this book.
David
Bailey of the Saints