Read books online - Not a Man by M. A. McRae

HarperCollins Wrote

‘Not a Man’ is an ambitious and insightful novel; it tells the story of Shuki, a young boy from the slums of Elbarada, a fictional area of Arabia, who is castrated against his will at the age of 10. Shuki’s journey is one of great trial but also incredible strength, courage, and determination, and as a hero, he is fantastic, evoking not only sympathy, but aspiration and reverence. I loved the fact that the operation which is supposed to prevent him from reaching manhood is the very thing that makes him strong and mature. The novel is written in a pared down manner; the narrative reminded me of the prose styling of Paulo Coelho: unaffected and matter-of-fact.

It is clear that this novel has been written with an incredible amount of care and research. In light of its considerable length, I was impressed that the standard of writing is consistent throughout. This said, this is not a perfect manuscript. I think one day ‘Not a Man’ will make a valuable addition to a publisher’s literary fiction list; however, there are a number of shortcomings that hold it back from reaching its full potential.

My main apprehension is that the narrative is almost completely devoid of imagery: there is little to evoke the reader’s imagination. This seems particularly unfortunate, given the scope of the novel. You take the reader from city slums, to rich town houses and manors in the Arabian mountains, all the way to Oxford, via Portsmouth and Stroud. However, as it is, there is little to differentiate England and Arabia scenically. Readers of historical and cultural fiction are often drawn to the exoticism and visual contrasts that these novels offer. I very much felt the lack of these elements whilst reading ‘Not a Man’. We are often told things such as: “Shuki was allowed to wander and explore for the rest of the day”; he is presented as a curious and attentive character, always taking in his surroundings and asking questions. Yet his experiences are never returned to the reader, and reader’s may well be dissatisfied by the lack of sensual engagement, of colour, sound and tactility. It is very much a missed opportunity. A greater sense of place would not only add a new depth to the narrative, but also help to engage readers in Shuki’s story by creating a tangible setting in which to contextualise the significance of his castration.

The next area I would suggest looking at is Shuki’s magnetism. I am aware of traditional representation of eunuchs as being almost uncannily tempting, and I think you do a good job in creating a hero who is eerily irresistible to the reader. However, I felt that you slightly hyperbolised his allure. I am not convinced that he is so attractive that no man can resist him, nor that men would be pushed against all past instincts to consider or commit acts of violent sexual abuse. Whilst it is fine, even creditable, to include threads of fantasy in literature, it is important not to stray beyond the realms of realism if you are trying to write a piece of realist fiction. The result in ‘Not a Man’ is that abuse becomes uncomfortably expected in the novel, even acceptable. The blasé manner with which Dr Stewart accepts “Shuki” being assaulted by his karate tutor, for example, or the fact that Shuki “knows to keep away from the Sports Master [and avoid] the artistic community” suggest that all men are weak and evil, which is an overly sweeping representation and compromises the polemic of the narrative.

Along similar lines, I think there is space to generally develop your characterisation. With the exception of Shuki, the characters in the novel are largely flat, defined only by their admiration of or jealousy towards the hero. Anne is particularly two-dimensional, and given that she is one of few female characters in the novel, it would be good to see her developed into a more rounded character. At present, the dialogue she is given is repetitive, and she seems almost robotic in her praise of Shuki. For example, consider these quotes, which fall but 2 chapters apart:

“He looks so sweet and gentle. I love to watch him play with Mary.”

“He’s such a gentle boy. So nice to see him playing with the girls.”

Working on dialogue and characterisation will help to build a much more immersive and tangible world for your reader.

My only other recommendation would be to make some small structural adjustments. This is a very long novel; this in itself is of course not problematic, and you do well to write consistently and neatly throughout, however, lengthy works of fiction are demanding on a reader, so it is important to provide appropriate breaks and to postmark significant turns in the narrative. At present, the narrative tends to move between sequences with no formal acknowledgement, which can be quite throwing for a reader. For example, in the second chapter, we are at one moment with Shuki in the office of Dr Stewart, then suddenly at Hassanal’s house, where Nouhad is directing packing. Such swings of focus are common throughout, and I would suggest inserting line-breaks to strengthen the structure of each chapter. (NB. Some such line-breaks may have been altered by authonomy formatting).

As aforementioned, there is no doubt that this is an original and praiseworthy manuscript. Addressing the issues raised in this review will help it to reach the next level of reader experience and marketability, which I believe necessary to make it ready for publication. In its current state, you have an inspiring story and a fantastic hero, but the writing also has a dull tenor, which would likely deter a literary reader.

Anthony Brady wrote 448 days ago

Marj - Hello!

I got your message 9 days ago: sorry about the delay in returning your contact. I read your book - Not A Man - and will back it tactically: that is to say if you go for The Editor's Desk. Your Ranking suggests that you cannot be far off from capturing the highest Authonomy talisman. I knew of the forms of exploitation described and the "cultural" qualifications made as justification for such barbarities but your book is one I believe should reach the widest possible audience. It is brilliant: on so many levels. The closer I examine the religion which the proponents profess the more repugnant I find it. I am sure you have created a seminal work that will inform and enlighten, not only scholars and sociologists concerned in combating sexual and gender slavery but the discerning general reader. At present, I am committed to the 5 authors whose books currently occupy my Shelf but there's a place for yours - as and when... Best Regards. Tony Brady.

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Andrew W. wrote 527 days ago

Not A Man

Hi MA,

I liked many aspects of your writing and story, the strength and singular power of your main character are captivating from the off. The sorrow of the story, the opportunity for salvation, the fight for some kind of justice after the rebellion. An enigmatic and enthralling lead whose experiences drew me in from the beginning. The second aspect of your writing that I really liked was that you kept yourself, your narrative voice, to the barest minimum, your prose is simple, descriptive, conveying story and letting us make our own minds up on the morals and complexities at play. You don't go in the lots of waffle, your dialogue clipped, attributed only when required, it all flows very well. The explicit nature and naked honesty of this piece will mean it may be difficult to find a market for this story, but this must not hold you back you write well and with great skill, so skillful that you make it look easy, the highest compliment of all.

Well done and best wishes
Andrew W
Benevolence

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delhui wrote 713 days ago

Dear Marj --

Shuki is a truly remarkable MC, from the boy who is already trying to figure out how to keep from being sent away to the young man who offers himself to the doctor. He grows up quite literally overnight, as if the loss of what was his by nature forces him into adulthood even more so than the loss of his sexual innocence. You handle the difficult subject matter with a swift clarity that is neither erotic nor clinical, but simply a fact of life for this boy. We cried for him, but we also applauded the tough kid who had the sense to get some answers and figure out how to survive.

We will keep reading, because we have to know what's in store for Shuki. BACKED. --Delhui, The Long Black Veil

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sjgcoe wrote 109 days ago

Hi Marj.

Because you sent me that kind message the other day I have taken a look at this story and unfortunately it isn't really for me. I do really appreciate the advice you gave in your message though, as it has helped.

I see you got feedback from H.C and I hope it has worked in your favour and given you what you need to help improve something that people clearly have already enjoyed.

If you do have the time to give my story a look I would be so grateful and any feedback would be incredible.

Steven

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FrancesK wrote 127 days ago

I was told about this book on a discussion thread after I asked advice about whether my novel was too explicit. I am glad I had the chance to read this. You cover the most difficult and even repellent material in a way that concentrates the reader not on the surgical or anatomical detail, but on the developing character of Shuki. I could not stop reading once I had started.I was also amazed that this operation was still [and I guess, is still] being carried out somewhere in the Middle East. The only other book I have ever read that deals with the after effects of a castration with such vividness is Mary Renault's book on Alexander. This story is shocking because it is about now. And I am sure it has a basis in fact. I think there would be a huge readership for this and I hope, in spite of the HC review below, you will find or have found a publisher.

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mmallico wrote 363 days ago

I read through the first three chapters. I thought your first chapter, in particular, while beautifully written and wonderfully researched, was a bit too much for me to stomach. Your next two chapters provided a sense of courage, yet your characters seemed flat. They were either for Shuki, or against him. In the second chapter, Shuki murders someone, yet there was little in his nature to suggest that he would do that. He is becoming manipulative, yes, but that is a far stretch from murder.

All in all, I did enjoy it. I wish you the best of luck.

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M. A. McRae. wrote 393 days ago

Thank you for your comment. In regard to Shuki's attraction, I use as a rationale old writings especially about Castrati, that say that eunuchs were fascinating to both men and women. But of course, it is fiction, and every piece of fiction has something that requires some suspension of disbelief.

While Suki sounds most tempting, (Once he is 18) it is not quite believable that every single man would find him attractive.
Otherwise not a bad story. In fact tehre were bits that were very good indeed.

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Dilettante wrote 393 days ago

While Suki sounds most tempting, (Once he is 18) it is not quite believable that every single man would find him attractive.
Otherwise not a bad story. In fact tehre were bits that were very good indeed.

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rosiemac wrote 405 days ago

A truly harrowing subject matter, but very readable. A few minor gripes with writing style as others have said, the dialogue is a little stilted and over-formal. Shuki is a wonderful character, but I would have liked to see more of his transition from the operation to his visit to the doctor. His behaviour seemed to be so suddenly changed, it would have been really good to understand the thought processes he went through to get to there. I would like to know more about the other characters so that they are more three dimensional earlier in our meeting - what do Hassanal and Moussaoui look like etc, what does Hassanal do, other than stroke Shuki? What does Stewart look like, why has he been celibate? I felt that in what I have read so far Shuki is the only fully formed character, and would like the others to be as vivid as he is. Only managed to get through first 2 chapters so far, but will definitely be back to read the rest.

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RottenRotty wrote 410 days ago

Wow!! That's all I have....just...WOW!

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Rebecca Jameson wrote 417 days ago

Thought I’d take a look at a gold star winner. Without question you have a potentially riveting story here and it’s immediately evident that you wrote this with a lot of love. But perhaps there’s too much love and not enough artistry? What I read came across more as a first draft than the finished article. The narrative thread skids about – held precariously together with a surfeit of dialogue, half of which comes across as wallpaper. I think this story deserves another, much tighter draft.

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M. A. McRae. wrote 420 days ago

Thankyou Ruuelisa for the comment and the backing. However, I am quite sure you exaggerate the descriptions of sex, which I seldom go into except when it is relevant for the story.
The other thing you mention is the sheer unlikelihood that Shuki would be so universally desired. I use as an excuse an old reference that eunuchs were fascinating to members of both sexes, but add that OK, it is not believable. But then every book has something that requires suspension of belief. And at least my Shuki is not a vampire or a wizard.

Thank you so much for the privilege of reading Shuki's story. Others have already noted how uncomfortable the abuse scenes are - it was no different for me, either, but they won't stop most people wanting to read your work, and I am sure you intended them to be uncomfortable. The opening scenes have been so well-crafted, you truly should be so proud of your work.

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RuuElisa wrote 420 days ago

Thank you so much for the privilege of reading Shuki's story. Others have already noted how uncomfortable the abuse scenes are - it was no different for me, either, but they won't stop most people wanting to read your work, and I am sure you intended them to be uncomfortable. The opening scenes have been so well-crafted, you truly should be so proud of your work.
What I have difficulty justifying is so many repeated, graphic descriptions of him with the Master Hass, the younger Hass, and Elei (particularly the times when they were consentual). When you have already so eloquently detailed what went on, are you serving the story by repeatedly describing them, again and again, when it is essentially the same event? We know already that when Shuki lies down with Elei, there will be more than mere cuddling going on. They seem to be bogging down the story in many parts, without adding to your work's value. This constant repetition of him 'being entered' nudges your brilliant work towards pornography and does it a disservice, in my opinion. The sheer volume of the graphic bedroom mechanics is what brings people to feeling like perverted voyeurs, when really, we want to understand the wonderful story of who Shuki is and how he feels (your work reminds me of Memoirs of a Geisha, and could easily be up at that calibre, where there was also abuse, but it was less graphic even though it went on for a long time). My only other minor niggle was that it simply isn't believable that Shuki was universally desired by every single man who set eyes on him, regardless of their normal desire for women. It is enough to know that there were always a few dangerous ones, and that those few were enough to endanger Shuki for all of his days. I have backed your work, and look forward to seeing its polished form on a bookshelf - I will be proudly carrying my treasured copy home and telling people I read it before it became a bestseller!
Elisa

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Partha wrote 445 days ago

Marj
I am inspired by your success in authonomy and consider you to be one of the role models.
Can I request you to share your experience please?
I am keen to know what HarperCollins have offering you on your success in here.
I want to learn whether the efforts you put in are well rewarded and how?
Would appreciate your response.
Congratulations once more.
Partha

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PhilipJBradbury wrote 445 days ago

Dear Marj,
A beautifully and sensitively written story that must be told. Thank you for sharing the story and I really do wish you all the best with your book.

Kia ora
Philip Bradbury

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Kairi wrote 446 days ago

I was surprised to like your story. after realizing what was happening to Shuki, I became very sad for him and almost horrified; although, I still felt compelled to continue reading. Your story is both elegant and amazing for the transformation of Shuki is quite well written. I enjoyed this very much, well done

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Naomi Dathan wrote 447 days ago

Not a Man

My strategy is to comment on single chapter of a work . . . usually chapter 10. In your case, I picked chapter 8. I nitpick for a living (book doctor) so please feel free to disregard anything that doesn’t suit you. I don’t ever mean to offend.

Chapter 10

We are in Shane’s point of view, looking at the world through his eyes. This is why the paragraph beginning “It didn’t occur to him to mention…” is problematic. If we’re in Shane’s head, we aren’t going to think about what he’s not thinking about. He also wouldn’t think of conversation as being “desultory”

Editors are tending to frown on using too many adverbs (slightly, loudly, mockingly, coldly, timidly, firmly) because they tend to tell instead of show. Although you’ve got a good amount of (good!) dialogue, you otherwise do a great deal of telling instead of showing in Chapter 10. Give us more of a sense of the environment – your characters are tending to float around in white space. Insert the 5 senses – the chipped paint on the bench, the smell of freshly mown grass and sweaty boys . . . and insert more telling action into your dialogue – a hesitant offer of a handshake, waving the book like a flag, glancing uncertainly at the star players.

You rely heavily on grinning and laughing – often combined with an adverb – to convey an emotion. Consider varying that and incorporating actions, dialogue and internal dialogue that transmit the feeling to the reader without telling them.

You need a scene break when switching to a different point of view, as before the para “That same day, Michael Toms thought more rationally…” This is another example of how you can deepen the point of view so you are showing us his thoughts, possibly with fragmented, emotional internal dialogue and agitated behaviors, rather than simply telling us what he thought about. You have the same problem when switching back from the teacher to shane, and switching to Miriam.

You have a lot of scenes and a lot of points of view in a single chapter.

Fascinating concept for a book, and awesome character. Best of luck with this project!

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Anthony Brady wrote 448 days ago

Marg..- Hello!

I kept your book on my shelf for the whole of February. So gracious of you to send me an appreciative message. I share in the deep joy of all those who supported your book, Well Done! I hope your book is published. It is an important one and should be given a publishing opportunity so as to reach the widest possible readership. I hope you will stick around and support other Authonomites on their progress to your level. Sincere best wishes. So many quit as soon as they make it to the Editor's Desk. Tony Brady.

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Anthony Brady wrote 448 days ago

Marj - Hello!

I got your message 9 days ago: sorry about the delay in returning your contact. I read your book - Not A Man - and will back it tactically: that is to say if you go for The Editor's Desk. Your Ranking suggests that you cannot be far off from capturing the highest Authonomy talisman. I knew of the forms of exploitation described and the "cultural" qualifications made as justification for such barbarities but your book is one I believe should reach the widest possible audience. It is brilliant: on so many levels. The closer I examine the religion which the proponents profess the more repugnant I find it. I am sure you have created a seminal work that will inform and enlighten, not only scholars and sociologists concerned in combating sexual and gender slavery but the discerning general reader. At present, I am committed to the 5 authors whose books currently occupy my Shelf but there's a place for yours - as and when... Best Regards. Tony Brady.

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rosemariemeleady wrote 448 days ago

Congrats on getting ranked! Best of luck with it. Rosemarie (Heroscope)

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Concettah wrote 449 days ago

So happy for you! Congrats!
Concetta

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Silentnovelist wrote 449 days ago

This is a brave and well-written story. I wish you well with your book, and your review. Diana

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Debra wrote 449 days ago

I read and backed this some time ago. I disagree with Walden. I think fiction should reflect our society, warts and all. Our world is not perfect. And child molesters don't need works of fiction to come up with thier twisted ideas. Kudos to M A McRae for her brave approach to such a dark subject. The reading world would be very dull if everyone had the same tastes and same theories as Walden C. does.

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lisawb wrote 449 days ago

Backed before and backed for a long while this time, as this book deserves to be on any shelf. It has cultural diversity and is entertaining. A compelling read not to be missed.

best wishes,

Lisa

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M. A. McRae. wrote 449 days ago

My book tends to polarise people. There are those who see Shuki, his courage and his cunning. They are the ones who love the book. There are also the ones who can't get past what happens in the first chapter. These are the ones who hate the book. Few seem to be neutral.
Thank you Eddie, for wishing me well with it. Marj.

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Eddy Gemmell wrote 449 days ago

I can see why people find it compelling as I read on (not all the way though!) to find out what happened but I do see what others have said regarding the way you write being a little basic. That's not wrong of course (necessarily) if that's what you intend but I did find it a little bland with nothing but the interaction between Shuki and Hass and graphic descriptions of Shuki's plight at the start - is it a good idea to have hiim abused/raped in the first few paragraphs? I found that the complete lack of focus elsewhere made reading the opening chapter quite excruciating. I confess though that the subject matter was unconfortable for me despite being a lawyer who has represented rapist, murderers and paedophiles in the past. I also found it in need of a good bit of editing. There's a lot of unecessary words in there that could be cut to speed things up and make it read in a less basic way. Then again, of course, as I have acknowledged above, that may be your style and intention, perhaps to bring across the point of view of the young child as your viewpoint character.
So, it's compelling in a stricken - rabbit in the headlights of a car - sort of way but the style and subject matter don't appeal to me at all. I wish you well with it all the same.

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jlbwye wrote 451 days ago

Here's another handful of stars to ensure you dont slip off the desk at the last minute.
Best wishes. Jane.

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IlyaKralinsky wrote 452 days ago

What a compelling story, both in telling and subject matter. Any differences I may have with the project are matters of personal style, but I will point out the use of passive voice (was/were) which has a tendency to jump out after a few paragraphs. Making this more active will compel the reader forward. Otherwise, you present professional level work with a deeper sense of emotion and understanding. I can say no more than that. Bravo.

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EltopiaAuthor wrote 453 days ago

Backed again. Friends/fans of McRae's writing, let's make that arrow turn back to green again. This is good writing.

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PenInHand wrote 453 days ago

I've just read the first chapter. I think that you have an interesting premise, and some good groundwork, but the execution is quite frankly rather poor. Your writing style is very simplistic and undeveloped; you are reporting the events rather than telling the story. I was unable to get into it because it is very stiff. You need to work on showing rather than telling, and using some subtle details rather than handing everything out up front. for a story with so much potential, it was really rather flat and dull and unemotional. I couldn't get into to your characters because you give them no personality other than their role in the story.

Also, your dialog needs a LOT of work. Everything about it is staged and overwritten.

Like I have said, this story could be great, but right now it is a diamond in the rough. You really need to develop a voice, flesh out your characters/setting, and make these characters act like living, breathing people rather than just props with which to carry out a plot.

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JadeKeller wrote 454 days ago

Oh my goodness. If this book were published, I would totally buy it - and probably recommend it to all my friends. And I do not say so lightly. Your writing style is clear and poignant, and you do wonderful things with suspense and tension. I cannot wait to devour more. BACKED, wholeheartedly.

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lizjrnm wrote 455 days ago

This is so well written and certainly a riveting read -I had previously backed this in the old Authonomy system and I have to support this again. Of course it is not for the faint of heart but as I had already said, you have handled the horrors of that first chapter brilliantly. I am reading on to see what happens to poor Shuki but meanwhile I want to suppport this book and give it the exposure it deserves.

Liz
The Cheech Room

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Cat091971 wrote 459 days ago

Very compelling. Backed and rated.

Cat
Lies & Love
Twisted

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Rhonda9080 wrote 462 days ago

Hey! Just wanted to cheer you on! I see your book is still in the running for this month : ) Its so great! I'll put it back on my bookshelf again by Wednesday. Go Marj!!!

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cindergirl6 wrote 463 days ago

Wow, I am drawn in like a moth to the flame. Your position on the editors desk is well deserved and I pray that HarperCollins will see what we all see in your work. You had me from the first sentence. My heart just broke for 10 year-old Shuki. His story is such a struggle and wonderful rise against tremendous obstacles. Those are the kind of stories that grab a reader like me. The power and determination that one can have to better themselves. I have placed on my watchlist and will back it as soon as a spot opens. 6 stars!

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jlbwye wrote 463 days ago

MC. Sensitively written, and beautifully described - if one can say that of a terrible event. I'm glad that it's over in the first chapter. Now I can savour your writing, and let myself appreciate the story.
Ch.2. Shuki is an intelligent, crafty boy, forced into a way of life by an evil act, and already getting away with murder.
Yours promises to be a powerful story, and I cant help myself - it stays on my watch list, multi starred, and I will read to the end, which I trust will be a triumph of good over evil.
One thing: in these days of wordprocessing, it is no longer the norm to leave two blank spaces after every fullstop.

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Neeky78 wrote 463 days ago

Although you provided a thoughtful warning, I found the start of your story hard to bear and decided it was not going to be something I could read - I'm a mother and have such a small tolerance for anything involving children as it grips my heart to painfully.

But before I knew it, I was onto the second page, and the third and the fourth...

You write the story with such sensitivity and innocence, I couldn't help but feel for Shuki, yet I felt protected from the true horrors that would have kept me from reading on.

This is a truly masterful story and I sincerely hope it gets published. Although it has been on the publisher's desk already, I'm still adding it to my shelf purely because I want it there!

Thank you so much and be assured I will be be reading your other work soon.

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Kari2010 wrote 467 days ago

I have been meaning to look at this and was amazed! it reminds me of a movie I saw way back when -- Farinelli, about a famous operatic singer in Handel's time who was castrated to preserve his voice. And here we have Shuki who's been made a eunuch for an equally fickle reason to "stay beautiful" for his master. yikes! so here's the thing though ... even though the subject matter is shocking it appeals ... coz we humans want to know about these other people ... these other people that have these other ghastly things happen to them. It was interesting to read of Stewart's reaction of actually contemplating the offer for sex as payment. That is the human answer .... i really think you got it bang on. many of us would shy away from making characters so real ... in fear that others would object to it ... but you know what ... when they object to it most they probably identify with it most. o.k. i'm not a psychologist by any means ... and I don't even know why i'm on this tangent when all I really want to say is that your book is INTERESTING. i'll keep on reading to find out what happens to shuki ... and how he intends on exacting his revenge.
Six starred for the fact that i found it difficult to peel my eyes away from the screen as the story unfolded. Space on my shelf so that I can follow the story!
Cheers!
Kari

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Lenore wrote 467 days ago

Not a Man
There is nothing to say. This is one of the best I have read on this site. But being No. 2, you don't need me to tell you that. You allow the story to evolve without judgement and as a former journalist, that is the rule of good writing. Don't insult the readers by telling them what they should be able to see through the story itself. You have done tar beautifully.

(Since my story does involve ongoing child/adult sexual abuse, I noticed more than others might about your telling of the sexual aspects, especially the manipulation and control as he matures, classic traits of a victim. Your placement of the sexual situations, the surgery, in the early part of your work was also instructional for me. Mine are not truly exposed until later chapters. Your mastery has helped me to rethink my chapter organization.)
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

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Red2u wrote 468 days ago

i thoroughly enjoyed reading the first few chapters am hoping to get back to in near future...

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NMott wrote 468 days ago

An excellent opening chapter. I won't read on because I don't want to spoil it. Hoping to find it in the bookshops in due course.

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Rhonda9080 wrote 469 days ago

Uhhm, oh wow! Repeating myself, but I'm giving this 6 stars already. Its wonderful!

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Rhonda9080 wrote 469 days ago

Wow oh wow!!! There are some talented writers on this site! You are certainly among them! I'm so impressed! I've only had time to read ch 1, but its amazing. As a student (always learning) of the this region, of course I'm hooked. Fabulous characterization!

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minx2minx wrote 469 days ago

Backed and rated with pleasure...your on my shelf for the month.
Lizzie Scott :-)

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wespollet wrote 469 days ago

HI M. A., Sorry to be so slow in replying. This book is very descriptive and reading it makes me angry to think of the inhumanity done to a child, Those who do these things should not be allowed to live, money or no money. I back it. Harold Alvin (ICON)Wesley

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Mavrick wrote 469 days ago

Marj,

In mid January I promised to have a look at Not a Man. I did warn you that it would take some time before I could do so, but I have now had a chance to look at your story.

It is not really my kind of book, but it does, I think, show promise.

The harrowing start is, I suppose, unavoidable. These events could perhaps have been referred to as a historic incident rather than being experienced by the reader, but then the story would probably lose impact.

Subsequent events draw the reader further in to the story as the protagonist begins to plot his revenge.

I did not notice any technical issues other than the occasional switch in the point of view, for example in chapter 2, there’s a one paragraph switch to a scene involving Mustafa and Rami, which should perhaps be expanded a little to form a scene in its own right later on. This is the paragraph starting . . .

[At another home, Mustafa encouraged Rami . . .]

That apart, I could see nothing to worry about.

As I have said, this is not my cup of tea, however I would expect Not a Man to do well.

Best wishes,

Neil.

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blueboy wrote 470 days ago

have enjoyd this so far. Shuki is developed well and a strong character. fine prose and style. i look forward to reading more of this before commenting in depth.

bb

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Fred Le Grand wrote 471 days ago

In one of my books there is a torture scene. I found it very difficult to write without being gory and brutal.
You've achieved the same thing. The horror of what this child is put through is painted in light strokes and you stick well to the same POV which keeps focus for the reader. You've done it in a masterful way.
The writing is excellent.
Not my cup of tea to be frank - I don't like the subject material too much but a professional and well crafted book.
This is to be honest one of the absolute top few books on Authonomy.
Backed with no hesitation at all.

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Sofistikat wrote 473 days ago

I found your description of this boy's life and experiences disturbing yet captivating, in the sense that no matter the level of horror I felt at his situation, I was compelled to read more.

The idea of using another person, even worse a defenseless and innocent child, for your own sexual gratification and justifying it to them and yourself as being somehow "beautiful" is in itself disgustingly repulsive, let alone the utter abhorrence of interfering with their body, to mould into your own perverse idea of beauty.

Needless to say, by evoking such a reaction, you have hit the nail quite squarely on the head. I am in awe.

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Marita A. Hansen wrote 473 days ago

I've finished now. This was a thoroughly good read. I'm happy with the ending, and liked the new additions to Shuki's family :) I look forward to "The King's Favourite" next. All the best - Marita.

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LuvingSolitude wrote 473 days ago

M.A.
This is exceptionally well written, serious stuff. I love your Character portrayals, escpecially that of Shuki. Theres nothing better than having a lead character that should be seen as weak willed, shy, broken and otherwise completely placid due to the circumstances of their pasts and current situations, instead turn out to be this incredibly brave, smart and somewhat calculatingly cunning person that views the events that are transpiring with an almost indifferent air.
I love characters like this.
I think how you portray him in regards to how he acts with the other servants, males, females, hassamal and hasquitri, is extremely well thought out. There are part that you would expect Shuki to behave in a certain manner, either with extreme anger, such as when he got the snip, or in extreme gratitude or just general like, and when you see his outwardly expressions that is what you get...until you see his true thoughts and realise the exacty opposite is true. He seems to be a very compassionate character and I think the way you have tackled his struggling emotions towards killing Hassamal or surviving, is very real to life.
It is a very interesting story line, one I would never have even thought of in a million years, so my hats off to you for a truly unique plot.
The best thing about this though, I think, is that you get straight to the point. You tackle the hard points with precission with no tiptoeing over issues that would send others screaming away with their brains leaking from their ears, you dont mess around with the stuff that doesn't matter, you just focuss upon the greater picture and follow the main story straight though with no sidelines, this I think is a great approach in keeping the reader engrossed in the story, and after reading this, I now know I have a very, very long way to go to get my book up to these standards.
So thank you for a brilliant read, I will continue on from Chapter 7 tomorrow :)
Bron

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Marita A. Hansen wrote 474 days ago

I've just finished chapter 19 now. The preceding chapters were extremely sad. I won't say what happened as I don't want to ruin it for other readers, but what Shuki went through was devastating. I didn't see the ending to chapter 18 coming. Poor Ben, and Shuki. I hope Shuki's Arabian friends manage to get Gunner, that disgusting priest, and the others involved. But, although I didn't see what was coming, you very cleverly put clues throughout the preceding chapters. The attempted wooing of Shuki no doubt appeared harmless to him, something that could be turned down, brushed off, but without him knowing it had incited his fellow students into taking things to another level. Although, Shuki said that he liked the civil aspects of England, in the end the men in that school were just as barbaric as the men from Shuki's birthplace. I think this scene also shows how depraved humanity can be. In a way it's a reflection of what happens during wars, where seemingly nice neighbours, who have watched a girl grow up, will use war as an excuse for rape (the Bosnian conflict paticularly comes to mind). As with Shuki, those men were using all sorts of excuses to justify their actions. But with Gile's suicide, it showed that he knew what had happened was unforgiveable. Out of all those people, I think only the priest and Gunner probably wouldn't show any remorse, as they were the most deplorable of the lot.

In chapter 19, your portrayal of Shuki's recovery/or partial recovery, was well-written: the suicide watch, the nightmares, the trust issues, needing Elei to protect him, then having to see the doctor, and being asked to write an account of what happened. Chapter 20 next. I can definitely see myself reading the sequels. I realise Shuki will be in for more danger, and so forth, but by the last sequel I hope to see that happy ending :) -Marita.

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Marita A. Hansen wrote 474 days ago

Your story is very hard to put down. You made me very tired yesterday as I had read it quite late into the night (or morning I should say) :) I've now read up to chapter 13, and still want to read on. You've added a number of interesting characters into the story since chapter 4, creating a whole network of different stories, with Shuki being the nucleus. I like how you go back to Hasquitri and the Arab settings, carrying on this storyline. I'm sure that at one point Shuki will become involved again with this group of people. Shuki's life in England is also very eventful, thwart with danger, such as the disgusting Garlic Man. I like Shuki's/Shane's group of English friends. They add a different dimension to the story.

Will leave another comment after I've read some more - Marita.

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Not a Man

M. A. McRae

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