Zero Conformity

ZERO CONFORMITY: A well named novel! I am no expert on sci-fi, because I rarely read it as a genre, but if all of was a well written as this one I might be tempted to become a fan.
The opening chpater was so taut I could feel the tension twanging like my guitar string when it's overtuned. great bit of writing.
As the chpaters followed I was very impressed with both, the story line and the use of dialogue. Both were crisp and fast, they were also very believable. It is a pity there is so little on the site ... I might still be reading!

backed and i hope any other sci-fi I come across amtches this standard.

Rev Raven Scott (love is a colour too)

This is not only an intriguing opening chapter, but it is surprisingly realistic and very believable for sci fi because your writing makes it so. You breathe life into this opening scene and I can't wait to read more. Backed with pleasure and the promise to return,
Marissa
By Flame's Light
(Thank you for backing mine!)

Zero Conformity

I love this story. Your scenes are very well laid out and vivid. Characters are feisty, just like younguns are supposed to be. Sometimes it gets a little amusing how Catilin and James are always challenging every little thing. They certainly do know how to provoke each other.

The elemental detail is fascinating and even believable. It falls together nicely within the context of sci fi. I am really enjoying reading it. I hope you post more at some point and let me know when you do.

Thank you for backing my book, A King in Time. I truly appreciate that. I am backing yours in anticipation of more.

Mary Enck

It is nice to read a fantasy book where you can tell the writer put a lot of time into developing the story. Some sci-fi/fantasy work leaves you guessing about who is who and what is going on but this one is easy to follow while being very complex and well written. Good read.

Intriguing first chapters. Well-animated charaters and visuals.

I noticed a few typos and misplaced commas (i.e. "You know what, I can do" would read more easily without a comma. "You know what I can do" and maybe even italicizing the word of most emphasis, whether that word is "know" or "I".) Be sure to edit carefully.

Elizabeth Love
(Pouring the Cup)

This is a return backing to thank you for supporting my book during my illness. I am recovering slowly and the prognosis is very, very good for me. Good luck with your writing. If you would like a full comment mail me reminding me of this backing in a few weeks time. love Mary

I share your passion for fantasy and you have a great voice! I've already become lost in your world and let me say it is captivating!! (Interesting choice of spelling for one of your mc's --Catilin -- my first name is Caitlin, I keep thinking its misspelled:) Definitely unique story and great choice of names. Your world is well-rounded as well. Nicely structured.

Great job here and gladly backed!

CSAndersen

Your brilliant, dynamic science fiction story grabbed me and kept me riveted. Credible characters. Crisp dialogue. Effective world building. Vital writing. Backed.

Hi. Apologies but I am not sure if my comments and backing got through to you y'day, as another reader said my comment did not get through; So I am re-mailing it and re-Backing you, just in case.
Your book prolong and title are interesting enough to pull in a reader to give it a second longer look. I read the first few chapters and it starts off with a good 'hook', which is then explained. All I would suggest in my humble view is that as the initial premise of the un-synced multi-universe, you must get the reader to fully accept / understand the possiblity of this. Not scientifically, but on a personal and theoretical level. Then the reader can get fully into the story. But I loved the ideas. Backed it with honisty.

Appreciate any comments, backing or trashing of my childrens' book. [Jerry - paperbat]

You have inter-woven some neat SiFi ideas and theories into a enjoyable story. Be careful, however, that you don't complicate it too much; esp if you plan several stories - you need to leave other ''area' to explore later. But enjoyed it. Thanks.
Appreciate any thoughts / backing of my childrens book - Paperbat adventures.
[Jerry - paperbat]

Hi ILA

Great beginning - like a horrible nightmare, when you're running away, then you think you're safe, then the source of your safety turns against you... very accomplished writing. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

Loved the preface and opening chapter. I would have liked to get a bit more of a feel for the world of James and Kisara before they were whisked away; couldn't quite decide how different (if at all) it was from our Earth. Maybe give a cultural reference via a media broadcast or something. Armed with a better understanding of James and Kisara I would have been better equipped to understand their reaction to being abducted and finding out Catilin was not from their reality.
Overall nice pace and good dialogue. I'm definitely hungry for more.
Thanks for letting us have a read.
Mark
(Verity)

Dear Ila
great book cover , thought so the first time around and still think its great. Your long pitch was the very thing that grabbed me and ...I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Well written, and nice charater development, and very creative

Backed

Scorselo

Full of imagination, interesting Prologue that got me interested in the first two chapters, lots of character building and it is obvious from your character building will have very different roles in the story(not carbon copies, but interesting people moving the story along). I didn't spot any errors in the prologue and stopped looking in Chapt 2 but there are a few things to look at in Chap 1.
Chapter 1
Wonder – 'wondered'
Six 'months'?
Every day spent with them begged for another – non-sensible sentence
She stood – 'stopped'?
There are a few more but I didn't want to bug you, nothing that can not be fixed with the old fine tooth comb, best wishes - Hapless

Great pitch. I enjoyed what I read so far. Excited to read more. Best of Luck
Backed!

Melissa Nielsen
The Guardian and the Book of Souls

You have a good balance between telling the story and letting your characters tell us through talking to each other. I also liked the way you started the tale with the prologue, it really does grab the reader, and make them want to find out how it fits into the rest of the story. Backed.

For a sci-fi writer you have a much developed sense of the narrator and a cleverly turned style to your language. The opening chapter sets a scene of excitement, tension and edge of the seat reading to come.

backed.

I think this was very well done! I loved the way you describe things and i think you have hit your target well for YA. There are a few errors in grammar, one being the sentence in ch 1 starting "Look, can you for once just trust me, instead of....?" Its a question, they are asking, can you trust me even if they add the other stuff....The other thing is on the last sentence of ch 1. You need to not put a period after him and just put a comma. The But is still part of the prior sentence so you can not capitalize 'but' and continue that sentence as "That would be what I'm trying to get us away from," she hissed at him, "but that plan's not good now..." (Traditionally this would need to be combine without the 'she hissed at him' there and add that in after 'now', but it is up to you on that matter :-)
Great job!
Sofia

I love the title. There are some good concepts in the pitch. I read part of the first chapter but found the technical aspects rough.

Such an excellent start - pierced calf muscles - ouch! As others have said, its taut, straight into the action and very compelling. Watchlisting you as I'm out shortly, and will back you as soon as I can dust off a space for you on my shelf.

The names you choose are very good, too - giving us the feel, somehow, of their personalities as well, and I haven't heard 'hateling' before. Jack's comment - 'I'm trying to make you perfect; is hideous. Does he mean it? Is he twisted and taunting her? I am commenting right here at chapter one, but can't wait to find out the answers to the questions you cleverly raise.

Dear Ila Golden,

Zero Confromity is a scary one, isn't it? I'm sure young people will love all the ET sci-fi stuff. Hateling is a great name. Gotta watch those guys named Jack.

By the way, what does LOL mean?

Backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

I have shivers reading this! My kind of story - and perhaps, dare I say - most people's kind of story :)
Enchanting, engaging - intelligent and fun.

Backed with pleasure.
Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

I have shivers reading this! My kind of story - and perhaps, dare I say - most people's kind of story :)
Enchanting, engaging - intelligent and fun.

Backed with pleasure.
Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Ila, this is an amazing pitch, promising a great and original story. I love the title Zero Conformity, as I love science fiction novels about time and space.
Have backed it with pleasure and will return with further comments once I have read further.
Helen
The Last Dream

A deserved backing
Helen
The Last Dream

Mmmm, a fascinating science fiction type story. which was most enjoyable to read. Backed.

Zeo Conformity. Hi ILA, what a geat start to a novel. I loved your active style which drew me straight in. I could feel the tension and the conflict. I wish you every success in your writing carreeer. You have obvious talent and will do well. Keep at it! Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

You've got an excellent writing style. After the excitement of the prologue chapter one disappoints (at least at the start as it feels rather mundane in contrast).
I think there's a debate about the usefulness of prologues. Yours is good, but I think it's too disjointed to go into chapter one which isn't so dramatic at all.
I read a lot of novels on Authonomy that have prologues. But not in the bookstores. I wonder if that's telling us something.
Melanie Kendry The Boy Time Forgot

Backed. Impressive first chapter so detailed and not a word wasted. I will definately be reading more. backed.

dan

I’ve enjoyed reading this work. If you’re into sci-fi fantasy then it is easy to follow. One tiny point, 65,000 is to short. Maybe padding out the first chapter which will help comments of other crits not understanding and adding to others will be good for the work anyway. Try to get to 95,000
Keith - Unit T

Hi ILA

Well, I don't usually read this kind of material but I stumbled upon this via your pitch. I like the way you write and I know that this work will run up the charts. I shall be reading more over the next few days but I want to back this now.

BACKED

Hope you get the chance to take a little peek inside The Russian Hat

Sincerley

Brendan

ZERO CONFORMITY 6/8/2010

The prologue is exciting, but I was a bit lost to understand what was happening and where they were. Perhaps a bit of explanation thrown in for the reader's benefit might help.

Chapter 1 -- You mention Catiln's dark thoughts. What are they?

There seems to be a lot of narrative that tells us about the scenes, but not much action. Much of this could be eliminated and condensed without compromising the story. For example, when Catilin is waiting to meet her friends at the business park, this could be shortened to:

She waited at the edge of a new business park, still mostly vacant, pine trees lining the street in the boring uniform spacing. Not a pleasant place to meet friends, but she had insisted she wanted to explore it, in spite of their doubts. She wasn't ready to confess her real reason for avoiding the city.

Much of the dialogue seems too trivial and adds little to the story.

During the abduction, I'm confused. It reads as though Kisara and James are familiar with Catilin's situation, since there is little surprise about the fact that they are on an alien ship. I would think that would be a bit alarming, but they treat their predicament so casually. Maybe I'm a little slow, but I need some help here, to understand who these folks are and what this is all about. I've read nothing, so far, that gives me a clue as to where they're from, what their purpose is, what they are, or what the story is about. The black market is mentioned, clandestine dealings, laws, etc., but how do they all fit together?

As I read into Chapter 6, I begin to get some idea of what is going on. A heads-up at the beginning of the story would have been nice. I read sci-fi at times, and the good ones try to orient the reader at the front end so they can follow the story.

As I read farther, the story get much more interesting. I think you've done well with it and all of pieces seem credible, even to a science nerd, like me. I just wish I had been able to learn the rules at the beginning.

It will be interesting to see how this turns out. Good luck.

Marc - Where's The Ivy

ZERO CONFORMITY 6/8/2010

The prologue is exciting, but I was a bit lost to understand what was happening and where they were. Perhaps a bit of explanation thrown in for the reader's benefit might help.

Chapter 1 -- You mention Catiln's dark thoughts. What are they?

There seems to be a lot of narrative that tells us about the scenes, but not much action. Much of this could be eliminated and condensed without compromising the story. For example, when Catilin is waiting to meet her friends at the business park, this could be shortened to:

She waited at the edge of a new business park, still mostly vacant, pine trees lining the street in the boring uniform spacing. Not a pleasant place to meet friends, but she had insisted she wanted to explore it, in spite of their doubts. She wasn't ready to confess her real reason for avoiding the city.

Much of the dialogue seems too trivial and adds little to the story.

During the abduction, I'm confused. It reads as though Kisara and James are familiar with Catilin's situation, since there is little surprise about the fact that they are on an alien ship. I would think that would be a bit alarming, but they treat their predicament so casually. Maybe I'm a little slow, but I need some help here, to understand who these folks are and what this is all about. I've read nothing, so far, that gives me a clue as to where they're from, what their purpose is, what they are, or what the story is about. The black market is mentioned, clandestine dealings, laws, etc., but how do they all fit together?

As I read into Chapter 6, I begin to get some idea of what is going on. A heads-up at the beginning of the story would have been nice. I read sci-fi at times, and the good ones try to orient the reader at the front end so they can follow the story.

As I read farther, the story get much more interesting. I think you've done well with it and all of pieces seem credible, even to a science nerd, like me. I just wish I had been able to learn the rules at the beginning.

It will be interesting to see how this turns out. Good luck.

Marc - Where's The Ivy

Dear ILA --

In Zero Conformity, you've done an excellent job of fully realizing your characters, particularly Catilin (although we keep wanting to call her "Caitlin":). She's capable and vulnerable both, traits that will have broad appeal to your audience. The interplay between James and Catilin works well too, giving the story interpersonal energy that never feels forced. We enjoyed the plot development, as well: you lay out the events logically with excellent description, neither leaving your readers wondering how we got where we're going or leading us by the hand. Good balancing!

Biggest nitpick: Sentence structure. In the first chapter, first para, four sentences begin with "It" -- "It made.." "It was..." "It made..." "It seemed"... This repetition jarred us, and we felt that part of the problem may have been that the information in those sentences could be condensed or worked into a more active scene. We're guessing it goes back to the whole telling/showing argument, and while we straddle that fence with firm resolution, in this instance, we could have used more show and less tell.

Even given our very subjective opinion on that, we liked the story immensely and cared about both your characters and your plot. We're very pleased to return your backing. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

Nicely written with good dialogue, though I did find the chapter after the prologue a little slow-paced. Nevertheless I am more than happy to back this. Colin

Hi ILA. Both cover and pitch are a draw - I'd pick this off a shelf in a shop. Apart from the fantasy which is well done, there's plenty of emotion, important for YA. A dramatic book.
Best wishes,
Scott.

ZERO CONFORMITY: A well named novel! I am no expert on sci-fi, because I rarely read it as a genre, but if all of was a well written as this one I might be tempted to become a fan.
The opening chpater was so taut I could feel the tension twanging like my guitar string when it's overtuned. great bit of writing.
As the chpaters followed I was very impressed with both, the story line and the use of dialogue. Both were crisp and fast, they were also very believable. It is a pity there is so little on the site ... I might still be reading!

backed and i hope any other sci-fi I come across amtches this standard.

Rev Raven Scott (love is a colour too)

An interesting pitch and good start to your book. There's plenty of mystery to keep the reader turning pages.

I wish you luck with it. Backed.

Cheers
Elaine
(Long Lying Below)

Very mysterious, and promising. I think your target audience would like this.

Beautifully writtten, hunny, as always
Jadexx

hullo ILA. what an interesting book. this is not my genre but your writing style has kept me reading. Very good.Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

You have a well thought out premise and nice writing style. I like the alternative reality theme. Cover art is rather awesome, too! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Very creepy. The menace you've written into this comes very close to the typical abusive personality, so it will come very close to reality for a lot of your readers. I don't read much scifi, but this interests me. Technically, I think you have some punctuation issues, but that may be just a u.s. thing. This is very nicely done, and I'm happy to back it for you.
Craig
The Job

a good, interesting sci-fi story. on watchlist for now. must read more...
su dan...read SEASONS...

Wow! This prologue is great. I'll be back for more! Backed.

Donna Burgess (Darklands)

VERY seriously not my kind of stuff but enjoyed the writing - bits were a joy.
It was like finding a diamond in a mountain of slag.
Sorry not to be more positive but if you write a contemporary narrative please tell me.
Simon Law

I'm a poor judge of fantasy and sci.fi. but I can tell by the preface you use words with skill and tell your story with great effect.
I skimmed some of the other chapters and found your writing remains solid. Lovers of this genre will see something different here and I hope they support you.
Backed. Margaret.

I like that these are young and modern characters, because then it's sort of entertaining to watch them get swept into an alternative sort of world and watch them react to it. A tried and true formula, this, but it works. And it works only if you like the characters I guess, and in the case of your book, I liked the characters. One suggestion is that I would take the first six or seven paragraphs of the first chapter and hone them down to maybe one or two. You give a lot of scene-setting information here about Caitlin, but it's sort of slow-going until you get to the dialogue portions. I'd take out some of it and have it come out bit by bit in later portions, preferably in dialogue. It would just give the book a quicker start. Good job though.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

lots of tension, good storyline and well written, johnWarren Lasting Images, please review, backed jdub

I love your writing style and the wonderful way you let me picture the story. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles.

Intriguing fantasy, with convincing characters & great names (even if I keep reading Caitlin for your Catilin, and Ouzo for your Ouza!) and a standout title/cover. I did note some occasional overwriting (eg 'she hissed at him', 'making her stomach curl with dread' . Backed. All the best for your writing.

ZERO CONFORMITY
Great title.

You really do paint a picture with your words. In the first paragraph you repeat that she travels. Maybe white shorts could be off white from wear?

The book sits on my shelf ready to be read more thoroughly.
A Zoomer- a boomer with too much to read

Zero Conformity is a gripping, intelligent read.. the chemistry between James and Catilin is palpable and the sudden wrench from earth to an alternative trans-reality spaceship made me want to read more to find out what is going to happen to our heroine and her friends.. very descriptive and compelling.. Backed and best wishes!
Diane
Good Blood