A Ripple In Time

An interesting premise and intriguing first few chapters - Backed and best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

Good story. My suggestion (and I hope it is taken in the spirit that I'm giving it) is that you not spend so much time in the beginning giving the background - instead dribble those facts throughout and get more dialogue in the first pages. Good luck with this. Jayne

A ripple in time
Good pitch, well written first chapter
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Mitchel,

I read the first chapter. Some great description here and good insight into the narrator's make-up. An observation you might like to consider: I notice a lot of use of 'had' in the backstory here, I know why you use them, but often having clearly shown the shift to story past, writers omit subsequent use of the plus perfect.

Of course, these things are a matter of opinion: I offer mine for consideration, but you should, of course, ignore it if it does not sit well with your own sensibilities.

Good atmosphere of forboding in the last para (you could perhaps split up a little, but it works). Happy to give this a spin on my shelf.

good first chapter, setting up the rest of the book well. on my watchlist for now...
read:- SEASONS...

Nice opening – you’ve got to like a man that prefers a cat to his ex-wife. The writing flows, but there are still some typos e.g. the opening of chapter 2 where the sentence “I walked over the wet grass and head for the bench” mixes tenses uncomfortably.

I like both the concept and the execution. The only thing that didn't entirely work for me was the appearance of the Guardian and the guys' response to it (sorry - I know this one has been raised before).

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Backed! 1969 our college years. Had to read to see if you captured the feelling of the time as we remembered. Good Job!
CC Brown
Dark Side

Your MS has potential. I would suggest tightening or cutting at the beginning and get to the "marge" scene sooner.
You could probably sprinkle some of the opening graphs through the "marge" scene.
Just a thought.

Rand

Missed out on all that! Sob But my best mate sh2gged Jim Morrison from the Doors! Sigh!
Oh it gets worse!
Virgin[a

Dear Mitchell

Time travel always worries me in a novel because i'm very aware of the implications to the present - which means i spend the whole time i'm reading worrying about the horrible ending that the book has to have and if the wrap up at the end isn't great i simply regreat the time i spent reading the book. I am intreged about your piece though, so here's my heads up that my review might not be great but that's because i have such trouble reading time travel novels!

Cheers and best of luck

Amberly

Time travel is very difficult to understand and extremely more so to write about while keeping your facts straight. Excellent job in doing such.

Jordan K.
Bloodlines, A New Beginning

Hi Mitchell, It might be because I date to that very time but I found this hypnotic. The telling feels so sincere and the choice that didn’t happen with Lily is one of the forks in life that a person tends to wonder at. The park, the memory of Alex, and the stranger showing up begin a mystical feeling. The synopsis is like an escape for anyone who has regret or curiosity about the past. Style and mood promise that this could be very worthwhile reading experience. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I love time travel concepts. This is right up my alley. Good work. Backed.

This is awesome so far! What a excellent concept as well. Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Great idea, but also great application of the idea to the novel. It's one thing to have the idea but you remembered the most important part and that is - no matter how good the idea you've not to forget to create characters people want to spend time reading about. You achieve that perfectly. Backed with pleasure.
David
Bailey of the Saints

First of all I want to thank each and every person who commented on my book. I take all comments seriously. I had not planned on responding to each one, but felt that Lara's comments, in particular, needed addressing. In regards to the spelling of vise. There are two spelling's. One is vise and the other is vice. A vise is a mechanical device found on almost any workbench and used to hold something in place (with two jaws) while you work on it. When I used the word vise in my book I said "Intense fear gripped me like the the jaws of a vise." My spelling is correct and so was the use of the word. I don't want people thinking I can't spell. You also mentioned the believability of Spencer's reaction to the Guardian when he confronts Nick and Spencer. Initially neither of them knows what he is capable of, nor do they believe that he can send them back through time, until it actually starts to happen. So for Spencer to react to the unbelivable, other than "calmly" as you point out, would be... unbelievable. By the time they realize the Guardian is what he says he is... he is out of the picture. It's the same as if somebody with long hair, a robe and sandals walks up to you and says "I'm Jesus Christ," and claims to be able to perform miracles. You won't actually believe him until he makes a blind person see or a cripple walk.. Same thing applies to the Guardian. Best of luck with your own book.

I like this, and I also backed it. You have managed to blend emotions and express imagery that can allow the reader to be part of the narrative at the same time as enjoying the story. Good stuff.

Hello Mitchell, well this book is a gem. I dont entirely agree with Lara when she says that when the Guardian appeared it was not too believable, I did. Would like to see a para in your long pitch but only because it is the first potential read a publisher will have, but it is good. Your characters are colored well and vividly outpicture their dance in my head CONGRATS......BACKED by me ........My book is of a different genre but that is the beauty of this site, and if you could 'review' and 'comment' and BACK it, I would be so happy. Again BEST OF LUCK with your book

Denise
The Letter

The first three chapters are fine. The premise of going back in time to do things better is good. Nit pick - when you have people addressing someone you need a comma before the name. 'Yes, Nick,' etc. Also vice has a c not an s. Unless it's different in your country. You dialogue is believable. But then when the Guardian appears, it isn't easy to suspend belief. Faced with such an enormously surprising figure out of the blue, would he really say, calmly. 'Is this who you're talking about?' as if it's just another mate. So, take care with believability. But backed for encouragement, press on but not regardless. x
Lara
Good For Him

It's as if Nick is speaking to us directly, a sure way to keep our interest. You have an expressive but easy, conversational style with just a hint of unavoidable melancholy. The opening paragraph - the most important apparently-is excellent. backed. Lynn

It's as if Nick is speaking to us directly, a sure way to keep our interest. You have an expressive but easy, conversational style with just a hint of unavoidable melancholy. The opening paragraph - the most important apparently-is excellent. backed. Lynn

read chapter 1 to 5. This made for a good read on a wet afternoon, remembering the heydays. I missed the 60's and had to settle for the 70s as a teenager, we really felt shortchanged I can tell you! Much here to enjoy and savour.
Regards, Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

This is animportant thought but for perhaps different reasons than the one's you are promoting. Very few people knew the 'swinging sixties' or 'The Love generation' pushed by the newspapers. It is quite normal that a man in his fifties would feel something missing later in life. You do well to explore this theme, good luck. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

This resonates with everyone, there is something we would all want to change and the age old idea of something in our past has been done time and again but the story is eternal because every situation and characters is new and fresh and the story has told from their perspective. Great stuff.

I must have this book! Not only due to the time period but also time travel fascinates me. My second novel is about time travel. Please check out my novel OFFSPRING, if you have a chance.

This was a joy to read. I love the idea and I also love the whole aspect of time and how powerful it can be. The opening is brilliant and set the scene very well. I love the way you describe the relationship with cat, very sweet. You writing is eloquent with wonderful descriptions, backed with pleasure

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

RIPPLE IN TIME
This is a good story. The idea – what would it be like to go back in time and see if things could be changed – isn’t new – but always works because we all wish at some point we could do that - so makes it easy to relate to your characters. The beginning strikes me as a little slow. I’m wondering if you don’t want to begin with something more dramatic such as the death of Alec then go back and fill in details on a need to know basis. The object of that would be to hook in your audience faster. Either way, this is well written. I’m adding it to your shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

I like the concept, the story and the writing. I'd buy this if it were available. I'll be backing it as soon as I get a free space on my bookshelf. All the best with it.

love the concept, the writing doesn't fall short.

Don’t usually like first person narrative, but this works. One thing I find in first person is that descriptions become very, very visual often to the detriment of other sensory descriptions. This is good, good look

BACKING you. I can use your comments on my book if you can spare the time. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is great, you give us great back story in the first chapter which will not doubt lead us into what will be the story of going back and doing over. Will they go back as they are or start over again as teenagers? I want to know so I would read on.

Your writing is so easy to read and I found I didn't drift once as I read which means you go my attention and held it... I would pick this up and read it all...

JO xx

Spoilt

I really like this; it is well written and clear. Backed.

This is very nostalgic and I’m sure many of us can relate to the MC’s feelings. Although I’m not quite sure, if I could go back and change the past, that I would. A few minor nitpicks regarding pronouns (eg a photo of Spencer and me, not Spencer and I, and maybe a few too many uses of ‘had’), but these can be fixed when you go through and edit next time. You might also like to try saying the dialogue out loud and listening, as it seemed a little stilted to me in places.

Hi, I like the idea and agree with all the comments below, but backed nevertheless. I have taken on board my crits and reduced my text dramatically. Readers don't read too much so it's important to hook them from the start. See what you think of my updated start. Kop - The Lucky Bean Tree.

Hi. I agree with kizgikate - this is well written but it does start slowly. I really like the premise of returning to an earlier happier time, and the characters are engaging. I would suggest you have a think about ways of establishing Nick's character without all the description in Ch 1 - perhaps more can be revealed in his conversations with Spencer? Your dialogue is good and keeps the narrative moving along. Best of luck!

It's well written. After a bit of a slow start it begins to pick up and the adventure begins. It is well written and has an interesting premise. I a a few years younger than the protagonist. Would I want to go back in time? I don't think so. But I can imagine other people wanting to, and especially people who graduated from high school in 1969. :) Because of time constraints (!) I was only able to read five of the chapters. I liked them. They were a good start and I might come back and read more to see what happens to the very likable characters.

Mitchel, your writing style is very good. It seems almost as if you've had some experience. Your command of english and your ability to convey the MC's thoughts are very well done.
A minor nit: Perhaps a prologue or less description in the beginning would help to speed up the pace. Once the dialogue starts, it moves.
That's my 2 cents!
Backed
Paul
We've Seen the Enemy