Book Jacket

 

rank 506
word count 81986
date submitted 09.09.2008
date updated 06.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: moderate
complete

Double Murder

Ron Parker

A Murder Mystery Thriller

 

Detective Inspector Tom Jackson and and his sergeant, Charles Rigby, are called in to investigate when Colin Lovell returns home to find his wife murdered and his young son missing. Jackson has more to worry about, however, than just a murder and a missing child.

 
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double murder, jackson, murder, parker, ron parker

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Chapter 1

There was no sign of his wife or child.

No message. Why hadn’t she left a note? An accident? It had to be, he thought. There must have been some kind of accident and she’d gone to hospital. She wouldn’t have had the time to write a note. She’d been alone in the house with little Paul; she would have had to take the boy with her.

That had to be it. There was no other way to explain it. Especially as her mobile phone was still plugged into the charger. She must have been in a hurry to leave that behind.

Colin Lovell couldn’t help thinking about the spate of recent burglaries in the area and it worried him. The thoughts had prompted him to hurry home from his friends, driving through the light drizzle. He hadn’t been too happy about leaving Dorothy and Paul alone after dark in the first place. He parked in the driveway and hurried into the semi-detached house.

But they were not there.

Calling upstairs got no answer. He checked the bedroom in case she’d gone to bed early with a headache or something, but no, neither his wife nor his son were in their beds.

He went back downstairs, glancing at the bathroom door as he passed. No light shone from under it. She definitely wasn’t in the house. He knew she hadn’t planned on going anywhere. Besides it was too late for Paul to be out.

He telephoned Dorothy’s mother.

“Hello, Colin,” she said on hearing the familiar voice.

“Are Dorothy and Paul there with you?”

“No. Why, what’s the matter?”

“She isn’t here.”

“She must be. I phoned her.”

“What! When?”

“About seven-thirty.”

“Did she say anything was wrong?”

“No.”

“Okay, I’ll find her.”

He hung up the receiver, now even more worried. She’d been all right at seven-thirty, so where was she now? It was ten-thirty; Paul was always in bed by eight-thirty - except tonight he wasn’t.  If something had happened, it would have been logical for Dorothy to phone him at Reg’s house or, if for some reason she couldn’t reach him, to phone her mother.

Yet, she’d done neither. Why?

He paced the room and kept looking through the open floral curtains. Time went on and there was still no sign of his wife or son.

Since their marriage ten years ago, Colin had been completely devoted to Dorothy.

His eyes gazed at their wedding photograph as he thought back to that day. A day spoiled by his father’s attitude, but he had cared too much for Dorothy to worry about that.

After Paul was born just over eight years ago Colin had rarely left Dorothy on her own, except when he needed to go to work at the factory where he earned a living as a process worker. A dirty job he didn’t enjoy - but it helped to pay the rent, run the car, and kept them fairly comfortable.

Dorothy, he knew, worried about him. She thought he had no life of his own beyond his work and family. She didn’t think it right for a man still only in his early thirties. It was her idea for him to get out and socialise more. It was Dorothy who had persuaded him to go and visit his friend, Reg Mann, tonight. He only agreed to please her.

Neither Reg nor Colin were teetotal, but neither of them were big drinkers either, so they stayed at Reg’s house, drinking coffee and playing chess.  Colin had just started learning the game. In between matches they watched sports programmes on Reg’s recently installed, plasma screen, digital television - Reg was one of the first people in the neighbourhood to advance to digital and no one else yet had a plasma.

An accident! The thought sprang again into Colin’s mind. Yes, she’d had an accident of some kind and gone to hospital, she hadn’t had time to phone. Perhaps she’d left Paul with a neighbour. If that were the case, though, why hadn’t the neighbour returned the child and explained? Only then did Colin realise the possibility of Paul himself having the accident.

A telephone inquiry to the local hospitals brought only a negative reply from each of them, as did inquiries from the neighbours, though one of them, Mrs Hill, did mention she’d seen a blue van outside Colin’s house earlier that evening.

“What time was this?” Colin asked.

“I didn’t really notice, somewhere around eight o’ clock, I’d think.”

“And you can’t say what kind it was?”

“Sorry, to me a car’s a car. It was a little ‘un, that’s all I can say. They can’t have gone very far, I’m sure they’ll turn up,” Mrs Hill consoled.

He thanked her. He didn’t know anyone with a small blue van. Anyway, it might have been parked outside his house while the driver was somewhere else. Plenty of people parked in this street.

By now, Colin was getting desperate and he thought of telephoning the police but knew how silly he would look if Dorothy had just gone out somewhere and been delayed. Then why didn’t she phone? Besides, he knew she definitely hadn’t planned to go out tonight.

He decided to wait until midnight. If she hadn’t returned by then, he would feel quite justified in calling the police.

The thought of her taking Paul and going off with another man never entered his head for an instant. Their marriage had always been happy. There’d been the odd argument, of course, but she would never think of leaving him, nor would he ever leave her. Despite his certainty about this, he checked her side of the double wardrobe. None of her clothing appeared to be missing. He felt a twinge of relief, even though he’d known all along he wouldn’t find her clothes gone.

There was that business before they were married - but no, that was before...

He boiled a kettle of water, and made a strong cup of tea. Other than the noise of kettle boiling and the humming of the fridge, the house was silent. He braced himself with the tea, settling into his easy chair, He switched on the TV and tried to concentrate on the television programme. It was impossible, though he did note subconsciously how much inferior the TV picture was after watching Reg’s set. They would have to get one of those. Reg was a moderately successful writer of children’s books; he could afford such luxuries easily. Colin knew it would take much longer to save enough from his factory wage to buy an expensive plasma TV. There was always credit, but he didn’t want to get into debt, not again.

He snapped out of the daydream, rose from his seat, peered again through the window into the darkness, wondering what could have happened. The street was quiet. He could see by the light of the street-lamp outside the house that, for now, the drizzle was over. He closed the curtains as though shutting off the outside world would make his problems go away.

He picked up his teacup again and sank into the armchair. She would be back soon and she’d better have a damn good explanation.

The tea he was drinking combined with the coffee he’d drunk at Reg’s house forced him to answer the call of nature.

On entering the bathroom, he stopped in his tracks. There, fully clothed in the dry bath, lay Dorothy.

“No!” He bent down and touched her still form. Dead. There was no doubt. He saw no blood, but a large bruise creased her forehead. Dazed, Colin screamed and stumbled out of the room. Where was Paul? He frantically looked under the beds and in every possible hiding place searching for his child. He called the police almost unconsciously, then he broke down.

He was shaking and felt his chest tightening. Who had done this and why? Where was Paul? He was definitely not in the house.  If they’d killed him too, where was his body? That was inconceivable. If Paul was dead then there was nothing left for him to live for. Even as his head continued to swim with confusion, he swore he would find his wife and son’s killers and avenge his family before joining them himself, in whatever place one went to after death.

Soon the house was taken over by uniformed police officers and other investigators. Colin submitted to having his fingerprints taken for elimination purposes but everything seemed as if he was in a dream. A dream from which he hoped he would soon awaken. He was vaguely aware of his hands sweating and knew this was no dream.

The crowd gathering outside, attracted by the police cars, did nothing to help his peace of mind. What were all these people doing up at this time of night? Why didn’t they mind their own business? He wished the rain had continued and kept them all indoors.

Two plain-clothes detectives seemed to materialise from somewhere, though Colin had no recollection of letting them in - perhaps one of the other officers had done so.

* * *

One of the detectives introduced himself as Inspector Tom Jackson and told Colin he would be taking charge of the case. Then he introduced his assistant, Sergeant Rigby.

Jackson had acquired Rigby as his assistant a year ago, in preparation for local authority re-organisation when his County Police Force would be reduced in size and a metropolitan force would be created in the north west of England. He was fortunate, he knew, in being able to stay based in the small suburban town of Billington, not too far from the convenience of Manchester, yet situated close enough to the countryside for family outings and picnics. Not that there was much time for many of those recently. Not since his promotion to Inspector.

Before being transferred to his division, Jackson knew Rigby had almost left the police altogether after a traumatic experience involving the death of a teenager - he seemed to have recovered now and the two men had become quite good friends as well as colleagues.

Rigby didn’t like to talk about the teenager’s death so Jackson never pressed him for details. Whatever had happened in Rigby’s past was no concern of his.

Rigby was a tall, slim, smartly dressed man about the same age as Colin. He didn’t say much, confining himself to taking notes. Jackson, who was a little older, stood a tiny bit shorter with a broad chest and greying hair. He was the one who asked the questions.   

“I’m very sorry about your wife, Mr Lovell, I know you won’t be feeling up to answering questions at present,” he said, “but I do need to ask you what happened.”  

“I understand,” Colin answered, and told Jackson how he discovered the body after returning from his friend’s home.    

“And you have no idea where the boy might be?”

“No. You don’t think -”    

“I don’t know, Colin. It’s all right if I call you Colin?”    

Colin nodded. Still dazed, he stared at the photograph of Paul and Dorothy together, hanging above the mantelpiece.

“Can you prove where you were tonight?”

“My friend will confirm it, but why, surely you can’t suspect me?”

“We have to consider everything I’m afraid - you wouldn’t be the first to kill for insurance money. Sorry I’m being so blunt at a time like this, but we do have to think about these things - I take it Dorothy and Paul are insured?”

“What! Yes, but I love my wife and child. I’d never do anything like that, not for all the money in the world.”

“Calm down, I didn’t mean to imply you did it. We just have to think of every possibility. Perhaps this isn’t the time - we’ll talk more later. Are there any relatives you could stay with for now?”

“I have a brother who lives locally but he’s a taxi driver so he works all hours. I’ll give my friend a call and see if he can put me up.”

“The one you were with tonight? I’d rather you didn’t.”

“Why?”

“Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but he is your alibi. I’d rather you wait until we’ve questioned him. Try to get your brother.”

Colin was just about to argue this then decided against it.

Jackson continued. “We’ll do everything we need to do tonight so you should be able to use the house from tomorrow.”

* * *

Reluctantly, Colin tried to call his brother but had no success and gave up. Brian would hear about the murder soon enough.

“We have no choice but to seal off the house as a scene of crime,” Jackson said, when Colin told him he couldn’t contact his brother. “We’ll have to put you up in a bed and breakfast, at least for tonight.”

“What if Paul comes back and I’m not here?”

“If that happens, we’ll make sure he’s looked after.”

Seeing he had no choice, Colin allowed himself to be escorted to a police car to take him to his temporary new accommodation. It was only once he was seated in the car that Jackson’s words hit him. ‘We’ll make sure he’s looked after’. Not ‘we’ll bring him to you’. They weren’t going to let him look after his own child! That could only mean they thought he’d done it!

* * *

Next day after Colin was back in his own house, Reg Mann called to see him.

Reg was a short man in his early forties. A sedentary life style had put on the pounds. He still had a good head of hair, which had once been dark brown, though now prematurely turning grey.

“Colin,” he said, “I came as soon as I could. The police as good as accused me of murdering Dorothy myself.”

“Me too.”

“What! That’s impossible, you were with me - oh, now I see, they think we collaborated.”

“That’s about it.”

Guessing Colin wouldn't have bothered to make breakfast or lunch in the circumstances, Reg made coffee for them both and persuaded his friend to eat a slice of toast.

“Have you had any news about Paul?”

“No. Nor of his body.”

“Colin, you mustn’t think like that.”

There was quietness for a minute. The aroma of the coffee drifted round the room creating what, in any other situation, would have been a cosy atmosphere. Then Colin broke the uncomfortable silence.

“He’s dead. It’s obvious isn’t it? They wouldn’t dare leave him alive. He’d be a witness.”

“There’s always hope if a body hasn’t been found. They'd no reason to take his body away, they left Dorothy’s here to be found, didn’t they?”

“I know you’re trying to help, Reg, but it’s no good. I just know that Paul’s dead. They might have taken him away from the house alive but they’ve definitely killed him since.”

“Why wouldn’t they just kill him here like they did his mother?”

“I don’t know, perhaps he struggled or screamed too much for them or something and they took him away before anyone heard the noise. I just know he’s dead.”

* * *

The next few days were a nightmare for Colin. Jackson and Rigby constantly questioned him as if he himself was their chief suspect, which he was sure he was.

The pressure became so great he was glad he had an alibi, though even this seemed to be doubtful in the minds of the police for they had questioned Reg Mann too several times.    

They kept bringing up insurance as a possible motive, just like Jackson did on that first night.    

“Ridiculous! I loved Dorothy,” he protested, though there was no denying he did have a considerable policy on the lives of both his wife and child.    

“Your alibi stands up so far,” Jackson told him.

“What do you mean, so far?”    

“We only have your word she was alive when you left the house.         

“The pathologist says your wife was hit over the head with a solid object, there was just one blow, which is why there was no blood. He can’t give us the exact time of death.  Apart from that, your friend, Reg Mann, could be an accomplice. No one saw you leave his house. Besides, even if you did go there, how do we know you didn’t kill your family first?

“We know your wife spoke to her mother on the phone at seven thirty, but we don’t know for certain you weren’t in the house yourself then. Or you could have killed them later, after you got home from your friends.”

“You mean you actually believe that -”

“On the face of it, it seems your wife might have disturbed a burglar or burglars who killed her, then dumped her body in the bath. What we can’t explain yet, is where the boy is.”

“You think they’ve killed him too?”

“Hopefully not, they’d have no reason to take the body and if it were hidden anywhere near here I’m sure we’d have found it by now, but I’m sorry, Colin, we have to face facts.”

“If they have, I’ll -”

“Now, Colin, I know how you feel, but we can’t have you taking the law into your own hands, y’know.”

“Supposing it had been your son?”

Jackson didn’t answer that. He did have a son not much older than Paul as well as a twelve-year-old daughter. He knew he couldn’t give Colin an honest answer.

“I’m sorry, Colin.”

Tom Jackson had continued to call Colin by his first name since the first evening. His sergeant, Charles Rigby, stuck to the more formal address of Mr Lovell.

* * *

Colin thought back to the day of the murder and couldn’t help thinking if he’d stayed home that night, none of this would have happened. If only he hadn’t been so engrossed in learning to play chess.

 

Chapters

1

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james Lansing wrote 37 days ago

I can't seem to access chapter two. Every time I try, I get an error message. I'll keep trying

james Lansing wrote 39 days ago

I've just read the first chapter and I like the style. The sentences are short and to the point that that helps to build the tension. I plan to read on. On my watchlist

Rehan wrote 92 days ago

A really marvelous work on my watch list now and highly rated.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 99 days ago

DOUBLE MURDER
This is a story about a nightmare come true: a man finds his wife murdered and his son missing. You have a good writing style for this type of book: you give short descriptions so a reader knows what’s happening; not so long they bog down the story. The title is ominous; lets a reader know this tragedy isn’t limited to just the wife’s murder. Highly rated and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

engine143 wrote 113 days ago

This is certainly a good read, it kept my interest right through. There are plenty of well though out twists and turns, each of which is completely believable. You also draw the Colin character in a neutral way which does not confuse the reader when he turns out to be murderous.

From my own efforts, I find that it is in the middle of the work that concentration wavers and then it is a matter of making the rewrites bite. I find it helps to read the script aloud, it's amazing what jumps off the page, especially in the sections you think you've got right. Hence, in Ch23, where your last line is 'Because I don't think..' I wonder if it would be more likely that the copper would ask: 'What is your name?'

One thing: in Ch5 you seem to have got him to Scotland before he gets there, in terms of the scenery! Also the M6 goes beyond Carlisle. Perhaps swapping the two names would sort it.

Your novel deserves to go far! Good luck with it!

Tony

RoyEarle93 wrote 145 days ago

This very good. I just read the first few chapter and was really impressed. This story really draws you in and is very well written. I was particularly impressed by how deft the description is and how well paced it is. I’ll be sure to read more of it soon.

CarolinaAl wrote 164 days ago

I read your first chapter.

General comments: A promising start. A likable main character. Deft description. Good sense of place. Plenty of tension. Nice pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) A gripping opening line.
2) ' ... and it worried him' is telling. Consider showing his worries so realistically the reader will experience them along with Colin. By doing this, you'll pulled the reader deeper into the scene.
3) Consider describing Colin's physical/emotional state early in the scene. Show us his initial physical tension going into the home, then show his tension heightening as the situation deteriorates. If you do this, you'll involve the reader much more in the specifics of the scene.
4) You use 'worry' words a lot in the opening scene.
5) 'By now, Colin was getting desperate' is telling. Consider showing the onset of his desperation and then show it develop as vividly as possible. Doing this will plunge the reader much deeper into the scene.
6) 'He felt a twinge of relief ... ' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe his relief so vividly the reader will experience it along with Colin. By doing this, the reader will be more engaged in the scene.
7) 'He braced himself with the tea, settling into his easy chair,' Substitute a period for the comma after 'chair.'
8) Jackson continued. Comma after 'continued.' 'Jackson continued' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag precedes dialogue, the dialogue tag is punctuated with a comma.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know what you think?

Have a marvelous day.

Al

Shelby Z. wrote 174 days ago

Thrilling murder mystery.
I read up to chapter three and I was captivated by your story so far.
It really draws the reader in.
I like that there are only a few swearwords in your sentences.
Very well written and descriptive.
GREAT job!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. This book is going on my WL so I can finish it later!

RonParker wrote 195 days ago

I just started reading but had to drop this comment....I love the way you starte the story giving enough background to make me like all the characters involved so far without taking away from the tension building as Colin looks for his family. The 'shocker' was really good. I also write mysteries so I really like this story. I'm going to end this now and get to the rest of the 30 chapters. Is this available on amazon Kindle?
RSB



Hi Rey,

Many thanks for backing 'Double Murder' and for your encouraging comments. In answer to your question, yes, the book is available on Kindle.

I will look at your book as soon as time permits.

Ron

Rey Books wrote 196 days ago

I just started reading but had to drop this comment....I love the way you starte the story giving enough background to make me like all the characters involved so far without taking away from the tension building as Colin looks for his family. The 'shocker' was really good. I also write mysteries so I really like this story. I'm going to end this now and get to the rest of the 30 chapters. Is this available on amazon Kindle?
RSB

DionneL wrote 199 days ago

Hi, I've read the first three chapters. I found I really want to know what's going to happen, but I found the pace slowed in the third chapter. When Colin first finds his wife I felt that it was glossed over too quickly. More description of the scene and how he felt when he found her would have added depth and believability to the scene, for me. I'm not sure if it is normal in the genre, but I feel like you've introduced a lot of characters and suspects quite early on and it can be a bit much to follow all this at once. It's still a great story and I will be reading more of it. :)

Norton Stone wrote 259 days ago

You capture Colin's almost obsessive nature very well. The devoted husband, the worrywort. Given the past history I did wonder how he could imagine they had just popped out that late in the evening and as such sitting in front of the TV and simply hoping seemed odd. There are bits of description you could lose in my opinion. As an example Reg's "newly installed" or "screen digital television" and the statement that he is the first to have it. 'Watched sports programs on Reg's Plasma' would have done it for me. The other stuff is incidental unless the fact Reg is the first in the street to have one is crucial to the plot. There are other instances where I feel you could chop away detail that will add pace to this MS. It can only be done with a steely resolve but it will improve things in my opinion which is that of an unpublished writer, so treat my comments with caution. Colin finds the body all of a sudden and I thought you could have spent a little more time in the discovery and the horror of it. The police don't pull their punches either. I had a laugh when the detective said he didn't mean to imply what he was obviously implying.
You err on the side of formal and fullsome explanation when writing, this may be how Colin thinks. 'The tea he was drinking combined with the coffee he'd drunk at Reg's house forced him to answer the call of nature." 'He needed a piss." Perhaps not your preferred style but it demonstrates where again things could be sped up a bit. I think everything that needs to be there is present from a plot perspective but it may need a bit of thinning out. I chop as much as 30% out of my chapters after I've written them, so I share this as someone who routinely overwrites.
Kind Regards
Norton

Mark Kirkbride wrote 280 days ago

Hi Ron,

I started reading this tonight and enjoyed it. You give us time enough to care about the main character's plight, so it's a genuine shock when we see the dead body.

Starred for now...

Hope you get to check out The Devil's Fan Club.

Mark

stephen racket wrote 348 days ago

An intriguing mystery. Colin's nightmare is developed well by the economical writing style. The no nonsense approach helps the pace flow with barely a wasted word. Two chapters in and on my WL for further reading. Good luck with this.

Red2u wrote 378 days ago

I've read the first 5 chapters and still no clue. His partner having a fling with the wife , Ok.I guess i'll have to read on. Well written and intend to come back!
Red

J.Kinkade wrote 395 days ago

An interesting pitch...I wonder what else he has to worry about? Read the first chapter. Hooked. Reading on.
J.Kinkade

CMTStibbe wrote 432 days ago

Unputdownable, intriguing and definitely a six starred read. A nightmare in the making, the first chapter alone builds enough tension to move the pace forward - at lightening spead! Twists and turns which you would not expect make this an intricate plot. I would highly recommend this book. Very well done! Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs

billysunday wrote 473 days ago

I like how you immediately get down to business and introduce the murder. You set the story up as a great mystery. Nice job and would recommend.

billysunday wrote 475 days ago

Like your brief description. Sounds like a page turner. Backed and ready to read. If time, please check me out.
Dina of 33 or Halo of Damned

bobby zepeda wrote 476 days ago

very nice ..... loved reading every page ............

bobby zepeda

Cat091971 wrote 490 days ago

Everything moves along at a decent pace. Backed and rated.

Cat
Twisted

Sue50 wrote 494 days ago

Double Murder was recommended by CC Brown author of Dark Side. I have read, rated, and BACKED your work. Hope you have a chance to look at Dark Side and find a place for it on your shelf. Thanks.
Sue50

Tom Kendall wrote 520 days ago

Hi Ron
I have just added your Double Murder on to my Watchlist. I'm not the fastest of readers, and I have to say I find reading from a screen difficult (give me a proper book any day). Anyway I will get around to it. In the meantime I hope that you might give my offerings a glance.
Best wishes
John

B A Morton wrote 529 days ago

Drawn in by the pitch, excellent build up in chapter 1...I didn't expect her to be in the bath...and neither did Colin!
Love a good thriller and hope this does well, on my W/L Good luck.
Babs

Darugh wrote 541 days ago

Well, you have captivated me. That is, I have been held captive by your book all afternoon and all night. It is now midnight and I have just finished all thirty chapters. You manage to hold the tension and switch scenes smoothly. The dialogue is absolutely real. The characters are well drawn. The only thing that's missing is a scene in which Colin finds out his son is alive, and a little more of Paul's grief for his mother and regret for his father. It would have felt a little more complete if the two had been reunited even briefly. Nevertheless, I am backing and giving six stars. Kudos.

Patricia West Hays
The Witness Trer

If you have any time at all, I would appreciate your taking a look at my book, however brief, and rating it as you see fit. Thanks.

Cheryl Angst wrote 541 days ago

Hi Ron,

I like your set-up and style of writing. You're spinning an engaging tale and I look forward to reading the rest. I'm backing you for the next few days because I feel your writing deserves the recognition.

One side note, in the second scene in chapter one you switch POVs between Colin and Jackson - it's subtle, but off-putting. Are we still with Colin? Then we shouldn't know about Jackson's partner. If we're in Jackson's head now we can't know Colin was going to argue against going to his brother's then decides against it.

Other than those little POV shifts, you've got a great piece going here!

Cheers,

Cheryl.
Job Hunted

senyah nala wrote 542 days ago

Like the pitch, makes the reader wonder.
Liked what I read of your story. I found it suspenseful and intriguing.
Your book should do well. It has my backing.
Just one very small comment; the word "in" is missing, second paragraph chapter one. (She must have been a hurry)
All the best.

M.A. Anderson wrote 557 days ago

Good pitch. Got you on my watchlist. Good luck.

Ceeds wrote 557 days ago

To me, this book hits all the right notes for a crime novel (have only read chpt 1 though). If the rest of the book is as good as the 1st chpt this is ready for publication - my sister would read this in about three nights (she is an avid crime fiction reader). Happily backed. All the best , Ceeds 'JOE'S NAN'

Francene Stanley wrote 558 days ago

I found the style very matter of fact, and just as Colin would have thought. There is good conflict, driven by the police suspecting him of the crime. Descriptions are good throughout, although strangely no description of Dorothy. Was she dressed?

This book is easy to read and I'm sure it will do well. I'll back the book and ask that you take a look at mine.

Francene. Still Rock Water.

ccb1 wrote 563 days ago

Backed Double Murder. Good job building suspense in first chapter. When you have time we suggest proofing for spelling.
Examples:
1. socialise- should be spelled- socialize
2. teetotal should be spelled- teetotalers

Good luck.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Glenn Stuart wrote 567 days ago

Hi Ron, nice idea. I enjoy thrillers, and they tend to dominate my 'real' book shelves! I liked the pitch, which drew me in, and the story starts well. I would have liked a little more reaction to finding the body in the bath. Imagine that! I'm not sure how I would react but, as writers, that is what we have to do. But I enjoyed this, and will continue to read it with pleasure. I've backed it, and only ask that you take a little look at my effort 'The Sandman Cometh'. Cheers.
Glenn.

ccb1 wrote 568 days ago

Doubl Murder sounds interesting. Added it to our watchlist.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Jedda wrote 571 days ago

I have read the first few chaps and enjoyed them. I was surprised that it took so long for your MC to find his wife's body but you did build up the suspense by doing this. When the police were interviewing the young burglar and held him against his solicitor's wishes it might be a good idea to include the fact that they were aware that this was limited to so many hours by law, just for authenticity. Backed, Anne

eurodan49 wrote 591 days ago

Okay, just doing what a thriller’s supposed to…grab the reader and hold him.
There’s tension from the get-go. Good job.
Narration’s a blend of “show” and “tell” and the dialogue sounds real…it moves the story.
When you intro Jackson you switch the POV, it’s ok (for you’ve got different sub-chapter) but I would like to “see” the guy (specially as I know from your pitch that he’s the MC).
Starting Ch 2 with the MC is what the doctor ordered…LOL Reader need to fall for the character and you deliver. As the plot thickens, I feel drawn in. Darren’s interrogation is a little mild…Jackson need to be a little more “bad ass.” Show how he brakes Darren, don’t just tell that he was almost in tears.
The opening of Ch 3 is a little sketchy and all “tell.” Bringing in the blue van now is a little late. Police should had long talked with the neighbors and found about it.
You do a good job on details so don’t miss something important or you lose credibility with reader.
Wife’s calling me, so I must run.
If you want me to, I could get back and check some more.
Based on what I read, and your voice, I’m backing it.
Dan
PS. Could you take a look at mine?

P F Farraday wrote 593 days ago

hi ron

a good read, I especially love mysteries :)

backed with pleasure. I thank you in advance to back my book and offer a bit of support

regards
P F Farraday

Eveleen wrote 593 days ago

Double murder
This is an intriguing, well written story, the dialogue is good too
Backed
Eveleen
- Turning a new leaf
- Like a dot on the horizon

CarolinaAl wrote 611 days ago

A gripping, mysterious thriller. Fast moving. Convincing characters. Crisp dialogue. Intense narrative. Lucid storyline. An arresting read. Backed.

stoatsnest wrote 616 days ago

This is a great story.There is the build up of tension then the discovery of the body. I can't wait to read more.

Marija F.Sullivan wrote 621 days ago

Intriguing and well written opening chapters. Happy to back your book.
Best wishes,
- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

wespollet wrote 622 days ago

Hi Ron, I really enjoyed this novel, its a real page turner. I back the book. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

tisseurdecontes wrote 630 days ago

You have an excellent who-done-it here. You do a good job of setting the scene in the first chapter. One hopes the son survives, but statistics are against it. In Tom Jackson you have an good detective persona.

Backed.

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

Frank James wrote 639 days ago

To Ron Parker,

Characters good, plot good and it gave me an entertaining read. I have no problems BACKING 'Doube
Murder'

Frank James (The Contractor)

Su Dan wrote 657 days ago

well written. l like your opening lines, they show you have great skill...on my watchlist...
readSEASONS...

Rome wrote 657 days ago

Ron,
Nicely paced and well written, good amount of dialogue and language flow; the only thing I would suggest is working on the pitch and description; wanted to read this because of the mystery content and I think you are making a good mark on it.

Backed with pleasure!

Rome
Beyond the Shadows
Directives for Murder

Rosemary Peel wrote 658 days ago

Sorry, missed the p off potenital - still the meaning is still clear, I hope.

Rosemary Peel wrote 658 days ago

The story has good otenital but I found one or two nit-picks. For example, In the first line you stae that there is no sign of his wife and child, then, three paragraphs on he is still on his way home - or that's how it seems to read to me - I could be wrong, I often am! Also, the line, "Is Dorothy and Paul there with you?", might be read better as, "Are Dorothy and Paul there? There are a few similar things that could be tightened up with a good edit. That said, I really like the storyline and believe it has great potential. Good luck with it, and your other works. I intend to take a look at them when, or rather if, I get the time.

eloraine wrote 700 days ago

Need a better hook for the short pitch, but once they start reading they, like me won't be disapointed. Best of luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

John Connor wrote 704 days ago

First off, congratulations on completing this. The style certainly fits in well with the present genre trends, and thankfully isn't too dark or off-beat (unlike, say Alex Creed's Suffer The Children.) There are several areas where a revision would help tighten up the flow, but it's nothing a good sub-editor couldn't tweak (especially when shaping it with a little house style.) Have you thought about submitting it to Creme de la Crime? Their upper limit is 80,000 so a small dusting down would bring this into their word count with very little effort.

Backed and read with pleasure

Telegraph wrote 706 days ago

Tis is a solid story well written and crafted. C W

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