The Logos

Well the brilliant pitch hooked me for a start and on starting to read the first paragraph does its job beautifully, I was surprised to read about an 85 year old man climbing but the writing was brilliant and the end of the paragraph is so sad. It also makes you want to read on as you want to why this is happening. Excellent writing that promises a brilliant story. Backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Mark, Dan Brown move over. Actually, I see more potential here than in the Davinci Code. You have a thriller, with all the threads weaving in and out to create a marvelous story, a page turner with the mysterious suspicion of myths creeping into today.. I really like this. I read only one chapter, but I'll read more. Your character development is very thorough: they're rich many-faceted. Ilike the Big Brother aspect too with Jenny the inventor and having a relationship with the politican. I cannot think of a single thing that isn't great. Best of luck. I am happyp to shelf this.
Caroline aka KC Hart
Summer Rose

Barabbas' assassination and Adam's reoccurring dream of his brother dying are good ways to begin the book. I'm a little unclear as to what kind of models Adam is working on, but I'm sure that becomes clearer soon. Anyway, good character development at the beginning. You then go to Jenny and who she is. You have the groundwork set quite early in this story. In guess much like the foundation of something built by the masons.

"The booth is empty . . . there was no way he could have got out . . . they couldn't have lost him!" Well, I guess they could. You haven't lost me, though, I'm coming back to read more of the thriller. It's got many different avenues where it can go. When you're dealing with the Freemasons and the Bildeburg Group, anything can happen and probably will. Backed with pleasure.

A very interesting and enthralling read. I love the archaelogical/astronomy connection within the story. Well woven into a really good novel of the top grade. You must have put quite an amount of research into this Mark? if not, you are well travelled and educated. Already Backed.
Norman. Muddledydo. Also, The Witch of Hambone Bk.3.

Phew That is some first chapter. You have cleverly woven an intricate plot...many faceted yet you have done it well.

Enough description for the reader to get a clear visual sense of the surroundings and each character as they were introduced. Dialogue is reasonably sparse, however what there is of it moves the story forward as it should.

The hook at the end of chapter one is good, could be a little tighter ...Richards murder would have also been a good ending to part 1 making the chapter smaller may in fact be a good idea...however it certainly doesn't distract from a fine read.
I have backed this and wish you well.
Suzannah Burke

Barabas, David, Jenny, Michael, Richard. A lot of people to get to know here, and early on. You have put great deal into these characters and plenty of information about them. This is a huge first chapter.

To me, it reads a lot like Dan Brown. That can't be a bad thing, the guy makes a killing. But I guess it makes the make tough to crack. Do you think that's why the book is not keeping up in the ranks?

My only criticism is that it seemed to me that a lot of telling was going on in the early stages, and relatively little showing. It might be your style though, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I found it didn't read as pacey and thrilling when I wasn't seeing the action.

Starred and I hope to see this move up the charts again.

Hi mark,

Have WL you based on the fantastic pitch and your author profile. Sounds like my kind of thing.

You mention that you like well-researched novels, especially thrillers. You might like to look at The Spanish Helmet. I would certainly like to think I have put together something that fills those criteria.

I will come back and comment again when I have read the first few chapters of The Logos. I look forward to it!

Your pitch is fantastic and made me want to know more. Visions of the movie, 'National Treasure,' came to mind. This should be on the big screen as well. An intriguing pitch and well thought out plot. A lot of research has gone into this, and thousands of hours no doubt. Your writing skills are excellent and I can see you are a master of your craft. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Dear Mark, I love that you cover all of the undercurrent of stuff that is not pleasing to God - His way of the highway (broad gate) is what the Bible teaches. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

Incredible book, Mark. You have a wonderful talent for writing. My only real criticism is that you didn't upload the rest of it!!! I couldn't stop reading! Then I hit the end of chapter 4 - Rats.

I was intrigued by your title; I also use "Logos" as the main character (Christ) in my books. Your pitch was excellent and your tags included ancient history, so I immediately put it on my watch list. Then this morning I finally got around to reading it - Wow!! You know how to spin a compelling tale! This will certainly rise to the top of the pile and get snapped up by some lucky publisher. Now on my shelf!

Sometimes I wish I could write like that, but alas, that is not me (though I have learned from you). My writing is more like a boring professor giving a lecture. Still, I have fun with it at times. My primary goal is not to entertain; it is to teach. You might be interested in what I had to say about freemasonry, in my chapter on the Ark of the Covenant. (I believe it came up in chapter 15 on my Authology post of The Feasts of Israel.) Although from the little you gave me, it sounds like you know a whole lot more about freemasonry than I. But, did you know what Boaz and Yakeen came from and where they are mentioned in the Bible? And did you know about the security system that King Solomon built into his temple? I tell that story in my book; very very few know about it.

May God bless your fine efforts.
PAL!

ps. You have too many tags - they only print down to cologne and conspiracy. I can't figure out how to see the rest. I always like to read the tags to see how the author identifies his own work. Could I suggest you take out some of the more rare ones like aachen, bank of england, and bath, so I can see the rest of the good ones? I was intrigued by "archaeoastronomy"; that is one you should leave in! (At least it caught me!)

pps. The text from the black-light on the chalkboard did not show up in your upload. Was that intentional? It left me scratching my head.

The Logos

Wow! That’s quite a plot you have going there! I’m impressed. No idea where we’re going and I’m awestruck with the scope of what you have set up in the first chapter. And I like the way you surprise me. First thing, “…What if the Daemons are not freed?” That’s one hell of a hook. No idea what he means, but I just know I want to find out. Then I guess we’re in the time of Solomon, but I wouldn’t take anything for granted from you! See the second thing is that we have Barabbas killing someone and then he says he has a train to catch. And I just assumed he was the biblical Barabbas and we were in Jerusalem. Nicely fooled me there! And then again you do it a third time. The dream sequence is only revealed to be a dream when we get to the end and I had been wondering what the hell you were up to. You are a master! Next you bring in Jenny and the scope of the story gets wider. Michael warned of a threat to his life by a priest of all people. Where is this going now? You begin linking then. The boss of the partner firm to Jenny’s company is murdered by someone. Jenny meets Adam. His brother is found dead, must be one of the dead bodies from earlier. Barabbas turns up again, and then disappears down some sort of secret tunnel in the Monument of all places. What a marvellously detailed and perfectly crafted plot. What a scope! And then the gold object waiting to be found is a perfect maguffin. I like Richard, Adam and Jenny and your characterisation is good. I am backing this without reservation. I’d be really grateful if you can find the time to take a look at Bokassa’s Last Apostle in return.

This is brilliant work - gripping, intensely detailed and richly human in all the right places. You have a distinctive narrative voice which helps this stand out even further from the crowd, and I enjoyed myself immensely.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Interesting premise, well realised.

IMHO the first paragraph ought to be a bit less choppy. Otherwise no problems.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway

What an intriguing plot. I was almost overwhelmed by the length of chapter one however. Backed your book, and best of luck. I would appreciate you reading and commenting on December Gold. Blessings.
--author of December Gold

The Logos

This is a very clever book, intelligently written and very well structured.
I very much like the shift in timeline, not only does it keep the readers attention it creates a wonder around how this is all going to be pulled together, a very big plus from my perspective.
I think the only thing I could suggest, is a little more descriptive sound in the narrative, but I suspect even that is subjective. I very much enjoyed this. – Good luck

Why is this book dropping? I am SHELVING to help the cause. This is good stuff.

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Is this the sort of book Dan Brown writes? I've never read any of his, but if they're anything like this, I will. This is a brilliant thriller - plot, narrative, character, it's excellent in every direction. Backed. Lynn

Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Mark, The Logos 1 is a smooth read. Good work. For the opening line of the prologue, It sounds better to say: At age eighty-five. But that's just my opinon.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

This is very very promising. Clean writing, sinister (and not so sinister) characters, intriguing interwoven scenes and, based on the pitch, a really good story! Backed.
Cheers,
Simon

Nice pitch. I enjoyed the short pitch. The word "electrifying" is what made me want to read more. I've read the prologue and 1st chapter and your story seems to flow very nicely and is very gripping. I look forward to reading more. I think you'll have a lot of luck with this one!

Good, fast-paced action novel. I like this a lot. I found it gripping and would most likley buy a copy if I ever saw it on a bookshelf near me. Backed.

George Fripley - Wurzel of Clutton

Good thriller. Good settings and complications right and left. Backed. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Normally not my genre but this is very well written from the pitch to the prose! Polished and smart. It is obvious you hav espent a lot of time and energy on this. You have a gift for dialogue as well. BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

THE LOGOS:

Mark,

This is dynamic writing. The cinematic switch of scenes. The short sentences. The spareness and immediacy of the prose. The crispness and reality of the dialogue. The intricacy and skill of the plot.

A terrific read. Should be published.

One little question. In your pitch and the prologue it is not clear whether you are referring to one millennium or several. If it is several, wouldn' the plural be millennia?

Backed.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

hi

thanks for your comments

if you want to see a bigger picture of the cover - you can visit The Logos website at

http://www.the-logos.co.uk/

Mark

Mark,
I like the cover...wish we could see them larger so I could read whats in the circle.
your pitches: short=wellll, this is where you get to create a Hollywood blurb for your book and I suppose I should ask: if you saw your short pitch on a movie poster would you go see the movie? Certainly the name dropping works to attract people who know of and are interested in them...but some might not and they'd not have the pleasure then of reading your work... Long pitch=yes ...this does have a Dan Brown sound to it...wondering about that...if its a selling point or if agents/editors will read it and say "been there done that" you might craft the long one to have less of a "in the style of the Da Vinci Code" quality...especially with the focus on Adam and Jennifer...ala Robert and Sophie. OR I would sell it as Fan Fiction. I believe there is a market for Fan Fiction out there.

I'm completely on the fence about Prologues but you might want to read this:

http://pubrants.blogspot.com/2010/02/why-prologues-often-dont-work.html

Yours works with the brief aspect recommended.
I enjoyed the first chapter but think it might be on the longish side for a thriller. You might cut it in two and find a carrot for the first half. carrot=something to draw a reader to the next chapter.

Best of luck to you with this!!
-=Bradley

Mark,
I like the cover...wish we could see them larger so I could read whats in the circle.
your pitches: short=wellll, this is where you get to create a Hollywood blurb for your book and I suppose I should ask: if you saw your short pitch on a movie poster would you go see the movie? Certainly the name dropping works to attract people who know of and are interested in them...but some might not and they'd not have the pleasure then of reading your work... Long pitch=yes ...this does have a Dan Brown sound to it...wondering about that...if its a selling point or if agents/editors will read it and say "been there done that" you might craft the long one to have less of a "in the style of the Da Vinci Code" quality...especially with the focus on Adam and Jennifer...ala Robert and Sophie. OR I would sell it as Fan Fiction. I believe there is a market for Fan Fiction out there.

I'm completely on the fence about Prologues but you might want to read this:

http://pubrants.blogspot.com/2010/02/why-prologues-often-dont-work.html

Yours works with the brief aspect recommended.
I enjoyed the first chapter but think it might be on the longish side for a thriller. You might cut it in two and find a carrot for the first half. carrot=something to draw a reader to the next chapter.

Best of luck to you with this!!
-=Bradley

The Logos
Mark Tolley

Mark,

I read your pitches and chapter 1, including the prologue. Your short pitch was electrifying - a “potent brew of Masons, Conspiracies, Religion, Bildeburg Group, Ancient Astronomy, Maths, Fast Cars, Murder.” After reading the long pitch I had to bring out the dictionary to get a definitive meaning of archaeoastronomy – the branch of archaeology that deals with the apparent use by prehostoric civilizations of astronomical techniques to establish the seasons or the cycle of the year, esp. as evidenced in the construction of megaliths and other ritual structures (Websters Unabridged, 2001 Random House), although I think Adam's explanation of the meaning of this word to Jenny was simpler! Good to learn something new as a result of your book and I look forward to seeing how Adam Lamech, an expert in archaeoastronomy, is drawn into this sinister world he never knew existed - and of course learning more about the "logos".
I thought the prologue was a good start – this 85 year old man climbing hard, and then in contemplation about the truth, among other things. Just one note here when you write “All will know the old truth.” I wondered about the word “old” here. Can there be “new” truth, or “old” truth, or simply “truth”? I would probably delete the word “old” and simply leave “truth”. But then again, you as author know best.
Your first chapter, with the heading “Saturday” was a good one where you introduce the reader to Barabbas in the first instance. I must admit, I was very surprised when he moved to the kneeling, praying body, lifted the blade out and drove it into the unsuspecting man. “At last it had begun.” A gripping commencement to this chapter I must admit. Cold-blooded killing always sends one into shock, momentarily, when it’s fiction. Then Barabbas made the sign of the cross, uttering, “May God forgive you your sins.” Again another minor shock – he is the “religious” type. Already I know I will enjoy reading this book. You killer Barabbas is unsentimental and sentimental at the same time and already I foresee a rash of murders being committed at his hands. Who is his master, I'm wondering. Time will tell. He’s gone off now, passsed the choirboy, he needs to catch the train. The next purification was at sunset. Barabbas keeps himself very busy no doubt - they say that the devil finds work for idle hands. Think again, I say!
Your next segment was also good – the brothers, the dream, Adam waking up sweating. I was glad to be introduced to Adam here, as from your long pitch I gathered he was your MC.
Then you introduce us to Jenny Lomas, a technology expert from QinetiQ – I must admit I felt like her at the end if this segment, "looking forward to some timeout, time to relax and do nothing." Who isn't? Probably Barabbas.
Then we meet Michael Weston-Kaye, who is also an interesting character, a member of Parliament, who seems to be in danger as he is warned by a priest on the telephone, but thinks this is another crank call. Then in the next segment, Richard Alsop is dead before the Range Rover had gone a mile; later Jenny and Adam meeting; the death of the brother...this is building to such a crescendo of suspense – and we are still in the first chapter! Great jigsaw puzzle of sorts as I am looking forward to discerning the connections and links between all the players here, dead and alive – and I am sure there will be many more players, again dead and alive, judging by what I’ve read so far.
Mark, I think this is a very interesting and complex plot here, with a wealth of interesting characters. I love how in each section a part of the plot unravels as you lead the reader through the intricacies of this thrilling, gripping journey. So far, I think this is a cleverly plotted, higly engaging story and I hope to come back and read more when I have some free time.
Equally as impressed by your writing ability as I am with your imagination.

Best wishes for success Mark,
Zan

Kristin

thanks

mark

The pitch through me right into the story and the story doesn't disappoint. Excellent writing. Keep it up. Backed!

Kristin
Demon in the Knight

The pitch through me right into the story and the story doesn't disappoint. Excellent writing. Keep it up. Backed!

Kristin
Demon in the Knight

Frank hi

Thanks for your comments and whilst I can see where you are coming from, the Logos is a big novel (180k words) and all the characters are fully developed as it evolves. With back-stories, needs, hopes and desires.

The scene-shifting is not an excuse for not developing characters. I deliberately keep information about them from the opening chapter as the book has a number of main characters (not just one) with lots of intricate plots. As the book develops, it’s the story of each character and their lives that then starts to overlap with other characters that create the overall plot.

The Logos is a very complex novel and covers a lot of ground and is designed to build layer upon layer and will certainly keep any reader on their toes.

Regards

Mark

Mark
You have a LOT going on in this first chapter... I wonder should you take John Buchan's advice and simplify your opening to three disparate incidents happening in three different places... and then unify them as the novel passes (I counted... the old man scene, Barrabas scene, various London scenes, IRA shooting scene...)
The writing is excellent... first class and professional. I think you just need to focus on a few key scenes rather than jumping from scene to scene. If I were to dig deeper, I would posit that the scene-shifting is an excuse for not developing your characters... making the reader aware of the needs, hopes and desires of each character. That is a forgiveable sin, because we all, as writers, focus on our strengths... some are good at description, others are good at dialogue, others are good at building credible characters...
I take it Adam Lamech is the hero... in which case, he should be on stage very quickly, and we should be made aware of his mission, and the consequences (public and private) if he fails... he needs to be on stage 80% of the time, and this is why I made the remark about scene-shifting and character development. Adam is where your focus should be.
Take all of the above as merely my personal observations. I have no doubt you have the skills to turn this into a bestseller if you focus on these areas.
Shelved
Frank

Mark
You have a LOT going on in this first chapter... I wonder should you take John Buchan's advice and simplify your opening to three disparate incidents happening in three different places... and then unify them as the novel passes (I counted... the old man scene, Barrabas scene, various London scenes, IRA shooting scene...)
The writing is excellent... first class and professional. I think you just need to focus on a few key scenes rather than jumping from scene to scene. If I were to dig deeper, I would posit that the scene-shifting is an excuse for not developing your characters... making the reader aware of the needs, hopes and desires of each character. That is a forgiveable sin, because we all, as writers, focus on our strengths... some are good at description, others are good at dialogue, others are good at building credible characters...
I take it Adam Lamech is the hero... in which case, he should be on stage very quickly, and we should be made aware of his mission, and the consequences (public and private) if he fails... he needs to be on stage 80% of the time, and this is why I made the remark about scene-shifting and character development. Adam is where your focus should be.
Take all of the above as merely my personal observations. I have no doubt you have the skills to turn this into a bestseller if you focus on these areas.
Shelved
Frank

Suzannah, hi

thanks for your comments and I agree about the Da Vinci code, what a terrible movie!

Mark

Never having read The Davinci Code because it received such a drubbing by the critics - saw the film though, simply dire - I came to Logos without any preconceived ideas and so no comparison made! I thought the title interesting and original and that's what attracted me in the first place. Not disappointed! Logos is a good read, a book that I shall enjoy when in print. Just one worry, should you use Westland Helicopters?[legalities and such].

Never having read The Davinci Code because it received such a drubbing by the critics - saw the film though, simply dire - I came to Logos without any preconceived ideas and so no comparison made! I thought the title interesting and original and that's what attracted me in the first place. Not disappointed! Logos is a good read, a book that I shall enjoy when in print. Just one worry, should you use Westland Helicopters?[legalities and such].

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

Just uploaded a new copy of chapter one to reflect some of the comments here

thanks to you all and any comments on other chapters appreciated

mark

Well the brilliant pitch hooked me for a start and on starting to read the first paragraph does its job beautifully, I was surprised to read about an 85 year old man climbing but the writing was brilliant and the end of the paragraph is so sad. It also makes you want to read on as you want to why this is happening. Excellent writing that promises a brilliant story. Backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Mark, Dan Brown move over. Actually, I see more potential here than in the Davinci Code. You have a thriller, with all the threads weaving in and out to create a marvelous story, a page turner with the mysterious suspicion of myths creeping into today.. I really like this. I read only one chapter, but I'll read more. Your character development is very thorough: they're rich many-faceted. Ilike the Big Brother aspect too with Jenny the inventor and having a relationship with the politican. I cannot think of a single thing that isn't great. Best of luck. I am happyp to shelf this.
Caroline aka KC Hart
Summer Rose

Barabbas' assassination and Adam's reoccurring dream of his brother dying are good ways to begin the book. I'm a little unclear as to what kind of models Adam is working on, but I'm sure that becomes clearer soon. Anyway, good character development at the beginning. You then go to Jenny and who she is. You have the groundwork set quite early in this story. In guess much like the foundation of something built by the masons.

"The booth is empty . . . there was no way he could have got out . . . they couldn't have lost him!" Well, I guess they could. You haven't lost me, though, I'm coming back to read more of the thriller. It's got many different avenues where it can go. When you're dealing with the Freemasons and the Bildeburg Group, anything can happen and probably will. Backed with pleasure.

You're pitch outlines a very ambitious novel - I only wish I had time to read more. But from your first chapter I can see you have a pretty good grip on what you're doing, so it's going on my shelf. My only quibble would be you naming the Carlyle Group - that's a real company, isn't it? Publishers' legal departments would slay you!

Keefie
Tybalt & Theo

Mark:

I would back your book based on the synopsis alone. I absolutely love stories like this and you have clearly written and original and fascinating tale. I will not comment on the mechanics. Unless written by a pro, every book needs a little polish to shine.

I would gladly have The Logos on my shelf at home and back it with pleasure.

All the best,

Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

I think you have made a good start. Here are a few possible revisions for the first chapter:

As someone mentioned, the first sentence needs to be revised for clarity.
"soaked with exertion" perhaps should be "soaked by exertion"
"heavy bag" to "heavy bag,"
"stood proud" normally would be "stood proudly" but proud might be okay here
the multiple "had" verbs could be changed to simple past tense
"simple accepted" to "simply accepted"
"Cloister" would not normally be capitalized, unless a name.
"took a key" more specific verb would be better, such as "withdrew a key"
"had not let him down." might be better as "had not failed him."
"streets filled up." might be better as "streets filled."
"well or so he thought." to "well, or so he thought."
"was going to be daybreak" might be better as "would be daybreak"
"Suddenly out of nowhere," might be better as just "Suddenly,"
Paragraph starting "Suddenly" uses mostly passive voice; might change to active voice, such as "A man dressed in khaki greens, with a blackened face,stood over him."
"no transport?" to "no transport."
"had woken up" to "had awakened"
"Sir Winston Churchill that" to "Sir Winston Churchill who"
"They just couldn't have done" would drop this line

Regards,
Kevin Clark
(Will of God)

This is an exciting and original book whose pitch outlines a great plot. Your characters are well drawn, and come vigorously to life. Jenny is a very attractive, easy to relate to, central character. Adam is an unusual person, sculptor, lecturer, ex-army. Richard, although clearly he won't be part of the future plot development, is still an interesting and individual person for the short time we know him. All these people have inter-linked relationships, which provoke our interest. Adam's dreams and his childhood background make him someone we want to read more about. Jenny is also a character whose background helps to make her real. Your settings, particularly in Bath, are beautiful and well described. Your style is clear and flowing, and your dialogue is very natural. I'm enjoying this book. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Hi all

Thanks for all the feedback and yes I am busy polishing it up and losing all the silly punctuation mistakes. I will upload a clean copy over the next day or so.

As some of you will have noticed, there are a lot of main characters within the book and it is set over a period of seven day. The book contains a complex web of plots in which all the characters intertwine as the book evolves and the story brings them ever closer and closer.

With regards the full length novel. This is just over 180,000 words - along with a fair amount of maths, geometry, physics, astronomy, technology and archaeology.

The Logos took around 3 years to research and whilst I don’t really want to give away the plot and where the book goes, I do want to mention one thing.

The premise that that story is built upon is vastly more controversial than the underlying story in The Da Vinci code, which a few of the comments have likened it to here. The Logos is not just another conspiracy thriller; it really is a story within a story. This is a book that has something to say.

I will also publish this comment over in one of the forums and expand on this in that thread.

Thanks again

Regards

Mark

Interesting content, fantastic premise and a fast-paced, delightful, and easy read! Gets my vote and shelving!

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Working in advertising, your title drew me to your book!
The short title doesn't do your tale justice - I would look at it again. It's one of the hardest things to get right but it's worth going that extra mile.
The long pitch however intrigued me and the writing and story-telling gripped me. It's fast-paced with a good flow and whether inspired by Dan Brown or not, there's a market for this kind of historical mystery thriller.
I'm sure it will do very well.
Good luck,
Diana

Fun premise. Well written--I was drawn in almost immediately. Backed.

A very interesting and enthralling read. I love the archaelogical/astronomy connection within the story. Well woven into a really good novel of the top grade. You must have put quite an amount of research into this Mark? if not, you are well travelled and educated. Already Backed.
Norman. Muddledydo. Also, The Witch of Hambone Bk.3.

This has a great pace to it, an exciting read.

Great work

Melxx
UNICORN
(crime/thriller)

Paxie

thanks for your comments and agree about the "hads" and will revise

Mark

Mark
This is fabulous.....Thriller writers are under pressure to keep to pace, even when filling in backdrop....You manage that brilliantly....I found myself racing through this......Something tweeked my mind....

had happened
had wondered
had expected
had explained.
had moved.

Rarely do you need 'had' before an - ed verb.......Do a word count....I suspect you've got more 'hads' than you need.....

Shelved with pleasure...I enjoyed the read.

Mark
This is fabulous.....Thriller writers are under pressure to keep to pace, even when filling in backdrop....You manage that brilliantly....I found myself racing through this......Something tweeked my mind....

had happened
had wondered
had expected
had explained.
had moved.

Rarely do you need 'had' before an - ed verb.......Do a word count....I suspect you've got more 'hads' than you need.....

Shelved with pleasure...I enjoyed the read.

Mark.
This is indeed a very exciting premise, and well written. Do I detect a hint of The Da Vinci Code influence here? No question this is going to be an exciting book. One thing I would suggest is that you rewrite the short pitch, it doesn't do the book justice and failed to draw me in. The short pitch is so important as it's the first thing a prospective buyer sees.

However, that doesn't stop me from backing "The Logos".

Nicholas ("The Warlock") - Horror/Thriller

In terms of nit-picks - what Ariom said. Especially the italics.

But this is really very good - too good to read on-screen. I want this in my hands in its entirety, in book form. I would pay money for this.

WOW - Thanks

been away for a day and just got back - been on a social media course

really appreciate the comments and will make a few changes to include some of the great suggestions. - and will change my short pitch.

I will also get back to the people that have backed me

Authonomy looks like a fab community and one i look forward to being involved in

thanks again

Mark

Very nicely written first chapter. Outside of a few missing commas, this was a nice opening to what I'm sure is a thrilling book. Just one note. A few sentences before David is shot, you wrote the word completed. I believe you meant to write completely. Well done and backed.

Good Luck
Natalie