Always in the City of Shadows

Hello, I am writing to you as someone who has been kind enough to support the Firelord’s Crown in the recent past. Now I need your help once more. I have been on site for nearly 2 years and worked my way up through reading and commenting on books. I have always been uncomfortable with ‘spamming’ and tit-for-tat backings but I do feel able to ask if you could please support Firelord by shelving it for a while over the next month. Under the new system I cannot offer you anything but an immediate * star rating and the promise of whatever support you feel you need; a second reading or comment etc. if you do not feel able to put Firelord back on your shelf, please could you still *rate it for me?
Many, many thanks!
Regards,
Jim Darcy
The Firelord’s Crown

Even if you’re an editor I’m not just going to say WOW! This is the 3rd time I'm reading it.
The wordsmithing is outstanding but…there’s a lot of narration in the opening chapter and a little less “telling” and more “showing” would have an even greater impact on how it is perceived. Once you start the dialogue the characters’ voices is established. Good flow, natural sound. One small thing…they sound very much alike (maybe is just me).
So, Chapter 1 give a good writing but a slow pace…do young readers have the patience to wait for something to happen?
I recall a symposium and the topic “Waiting for action.” The general belief was that readers (especially younger ones) expect (demand) action or at least tension on every page.
Chapter 2 gives an increased pace from the start…I feel drawn in. I still would like a stronger POV and some internal dialogue would help endear the MC with the reader. By its end reader if finally caught by the story (just that darn web).
Chapters 3 and 4 continue the pace. By now I like what I read (even if not my genre). I would like a little more development (like Muntweight). I can see Chelsea’s need for him but his role needs more defined. And one more thing…when Chelsea asks the lady her name and you get into what she’s called. Too much. Beautiful trip you take the reader on but…can reader understand it? I doubt it. You becoming much to sophisticated.
Don’t lose the perspective for whom you’re writing it. The risk to lose your readers by dumping too much on them is real.
I liked it. Well written but I’m afraid it will go over the heads of intended audience.
Backed.

Craig, I forgot to add that your cover is eye catching. The division of deep and saturated colors makes me look at it longer than most covers. That's a good thing, I believe! Regards, Elizabeth

Dear Craig,
What a lovely fantasy! You handled Nana's death right up front and so sincerely. This is a totally unique concept and will appeal to children and parents who want a deep and complex story. Wonderful writing!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

This story is easy to relate to. My heart was bleeding for Chelsea as she lost her Nana. Even by the end of the first chapter, I had grown attatched to the little girl with the afflicted foot. You have exacted some excellent character development that immediately instills a sense of intimacy for the reader!
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demorui's Defeat

Craig,

You have a sensitive and soft voice, which flows beautifully. I only suggest a re-read and some commas and ironing-of-sentence-fluidity check.

Otherwise backed on potential.

Kind regards,

Jodi.

x-Evalesco-x

I really enjoyed reading it. Okay, now I’m starting again and make a few comments. Please keep in mind that I don’t have your editorial background.
Ch 1. The narrative flows real smooth. Easy reading which allows the reader to savor the story. Maybe just a little too much “telling”. Maybe a little more “showing” would draw the reader deeper into the story. The dialogue sounds real…though I have one question. I’m under the impression that today’s trend is to ID the speaker firs, then follow with dialogue. Often, you start with dialogue and then identify the speaker. You show a good balance between short, snappy dialogue, which moves the story and longer, more complex one intended to reveal the character.
Ch 2 is where the story actually begins. Good, even pacing, increasing in tempo and drawing the reader in. A few good choice words in the right place make us see what’s happening.
Ch 3. This one is enchanting. Not what I would read but trying to receive it as a young reader would I find it perfect. The story’s unfolding, tension is present at every step and the reader’s engrossed.
Ch 4. Well balanced narration and dialogue. One thing, I feel that the reader could see more and understand better id you could use some internal dialogue for your MC…just a thought. I like the way you introduce new characters, so effortless.
Well, what can I say? You’ve got my vote.

Hi Craig

Great title. Great names. I'd suggest omitting "You would do well to unearth" and just start that sentence with "This account is" etc. The first part reads awkwardly at the moment. I like the subtle delicate analysis of the way Chelsea feels and the similes ("like a tired dragon under the trees"). The farmhouse built in the trees - wonderful. "Honest eyebrows" - nice. Actually, I won't go on, the more I read, the more I love it. There's something wonderful in almost every line, I'd just end up quoting the whole thing back to you. I don't know which is better, the gentleness, delicacy and wisdom with which you handle the relationships, or the imagination that has created such a constantly surprising milieu, which through your writing yet seems completely real. Backed, backed, backed.

Nicole
Chosen

The lovely writing and depths of insight charge this with a thoroughly beguiling enchantment. Both clever and magical. Definitely the kind of book I’d like my children to read if I had any.

What an intriguing read! The plot will attract people from outside its own genre and the writing will keep them engrossed. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

What a wonderful child-like fantasy story. Not my typical genre to read but so well-crafted. You paint the perfect picture of compassion for poor Chelsea and her bum leg and being teased. Then her brother being snatched away in the middle of the night after losing her one comfort, Nana. Very nicely done and happily backed.

I will try and finish the other two chapters at a later date!
Denise

Would you mind having a peek at my book, "Road to Redemption: From Cop's Daughter to Convicted Felon?"

Chelsea is likable and well developed. Your imagery is lovely. For example, the imagery in the last paragraph of the first chapter. You salt your exceptional narrative with apt similies such as 'like the Alps in early Spring' and wonderful metaphors like 'as night crawled into the quiet valley.' Your conversations read real and are informative. Your pacing held my attention. This is a well crafted, captivating fantasy adventure packed with wisdom. Backed.

I love the story, and the way you have crafted it. Empowering and magical -- overcoming one's fear and limitations to not only save one's brother, but to preserve the precious inheritance of the old world.

Beautiful, heartfelt and intelligent.

Backed with the utmost pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Craig

I kinda agree with JD Revene below...the first chapter is one that I would have to read to my son...yet the following flow more easily for the younger reader and the pace picks up. As for the writing stlye...it's very good as I'd expect from an editor...but I do agree that it is quite old fashioned, but that is a complement and it works well with the story. There's not much more I can say except I'm very jealous and I wish you success in finding a publisher.

DJ-The Lost Cactus

I did like the way the river bed opened up and the shadow...especially the clickerty clack noise. ;-)
And I'm not even going to dare debrief any of your punctuation...to be honest I wouldn't notice any mistakes anyway.

Craig

This has the feel of an old-fashioned childrens story, with its upfront narrative style. Quite different from the directness of a lot of modern childrens stories. But it strikes me that with its longer chapters this is a work for parents to read to their children: this style will be familiar to many parents.

The writing's fluid and easy to read. I have few nits (some places I would punctuate differently to you--for example I'd have a comma before 'but' in your first line--but you're the editor, so I shant comment on such matters).

Backed

I read all 4 chapters. You have the genre down as they are small paragraphs so the fast pace stays there which is necessary. I personally cannot give you a better insight than a professional already in the industry. Good luck and BACKED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

You have a real gift with words, Craig. This is absolutely beautifully written. Your style is better than most that I've read on Authonomy and I reckon you'll go far!
The best of luck.
Backed, with absolute pleasure.
Best wishes
Suzy (Raven)

Nice read. You grab hold at your synopsis and don't let go. Visual, flows well. Would make a terrific movie.

sincerely,
jim

Hi Craig, enjoyed your synopsis. Looks good! Will be given it some better attention later today. Meantime, placing on WL.

sincerely,
jim

This is a beautiful, beautiful book. Your writing is gorgeous, whilst still remaining perfect for your target audience: 'sapphire eyes all abubble' You've also kept this level of detail up throughout. I hope that the rest of the book is as good.

There is intrigue, tension and an instant rapport with the characters. I am so jealous right now.

Extremely backed x

The only part I stumbled over was:
'they spoke rather hoarsely in an ancient language.' As we are seeing this through Chelsea's eyes, would she know that it was an ancient language? Maybe better to say 'a strange language' or something similar.

"There is a secret that we feel it is time to share." What a great way to begin. Chelsea, with her strange leg, and her brother are off to adventure. Your idea of a city under the farm is an idea I used to believe about my family farm. I used to think that a city the size of New York was somewhere below us and that one day I would stumble across the entrance to it. Why, I don't know, but I was just so bored being so isolated and unable to go anywhere unless one of my parents would get in the car and drive us to a store. I'm enjoying this so far and will be back to read more when I get a little more time. Backed for now.

'Lumbering off like a tired dragon' ... not only does this conjure up a marvellous picture, it also intimates the magic to come. And when you tell us that the summer wind is 'journeying for pleasure', well I could just go on and on. Your writing is a pleasure to read and it's a pleasure to back you.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

Beautifully written and highly descriptive.
Best wishes.
Dawn,
My Friends and Me

very imaginative, brilliantly conceived world that sits right up there with the classics. The images evoked by the pitch itself =, I can still see the 8 legged man stealing the child vivdly and it's chilling. |Excellent.

This is very imaginative and well conceived. I read all the 4 chapters and found your style and voice unique and consistent in narration, dialogue and decriptions. I love the cover, not too sure about the title though. The pitch had me completely hooked. Your prose is beautiful and poetic and you have a wonderful, original way of describing even the most ordinary things - for ex, I love the way you say that Chelsea was 10 summers old - prose like this is scattered throughout and made me enjoy and appreciate the story even more.
You also have a knack of making even inanimate objects seem alive, like the black car or the oak tree in which the house sits.
Chelsea is precious, readers/children will relate to her not being physically perfect and emotionally raw. She loves her brother in spite of him being the focus of her parents and I was delighted to find her curious and brave. Grandpa provided a solid anchor for her. The adventures she journeys through will satisfy the thrill seekers in your audience and the end of chapter 4 is exceptionally done and provides a great hook.
Happy to back this.
Rakhi (Sir William....)

*If you ever held a secret, held it quite tight enough in your hand…but not so tight as to break it open…
*…preferring no special treatment and certainly no commonplace pity.
*…could see the last bits of strange summer fog lumbering off like a tired dragon…
*…and its headlights stared at them dreadfully…
*It’s hard for heaven’s seeds to grow in cement…

…with just a subtle glimmer of a tear (hanging) desperately to his cheek… I think ‘clinging’ would possibly be better.
…Chelsea (laid) awake on her bed… (lay) awake.

This is a beautifully crafted opening chapter, full of poignancy and gentleness. The writing is almost poetic in its lyricism and as you can see, I’ve listed some of your descriptions, which are simply wonderful. Just a pity there’s not room for me to list all of them. There’s only two nitpicks that I could find. I hope you achieve publication for your book – it should be shared. Backed.

That this book retains a red arrow so soon after its launch is a mystery to me. A scintillating cover, a captivating pitch, and superb writing by an author who clearly knows his craft.

The opening is beautiful and beguiling, with delicious dark undertones the reader can feel rumbling beneath the surface, ready to erupt.

I'm not very deep into this yet, but I've seen enough to know two things: 1) the book should be climbing the charts; and 2) the book deserves to be on my shelf.

The latter has just occurred.

Best of luck!

G
Notes on an Orange Burial (a tragicomedy)

Hi Craig, The story enchants with its natural images and the tenderness of the relationship between Chelsea and her grandfather. Loved the last name Always. The hints about the plants being the tip of the earth’s treasures are a good prologue to the synopsis theme. That’s a draw into the underlying sadness of Chelsea’s being crippled and her nana’s death while the journey sounds very intriguing. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Dear Craig Froman,

"Chelsea Always lives in a world of rejection." Thought this might be about book publishing, but, no, this is something entirely different and original, a fantasy story in a very mysterious setting. Also, a lonely child with a disability will get children to consider their less fortunate peers. Backed and all best wishes.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School (Please have a look.)

This is beautifully written and surprisingly lyrical for this age level. A fascinating story line and endearing characters add to the mix. What better summation than to dance with no pain. Good luck and lots of shelves.

Always in the City of Shadows

Craig Froman

Craig,
I love your cover. Good, imaginative plot which your target audience should find very exciting and stimulating - a lonely, young girl, and, her little brother lost in an ancient city a mile beneath her grandfather’s farm; she has a deformed foot; her younger brother is taken in the night by a man with eight legs; she unravels the strands of her grandparent’s past in an ancient world just beneath the soil, being partly transformed into a spider!! Can Chelsea save her brother from this dark world inhabited by humans and half-human creatures? Excellent storyline for your target audience. What's not to be drawn to here? Of course I'm not a child, but I love these imaginative elements of your plot. I would love to see what a man with eight legs looks like! I love your whisper riddle in One. You seem to know what children like/will like (! small and big ones!) and I like how you tie in this whisper riddle theme at the end of the chapter - "Chelsea heard a voice as soft as cotton whispering in the wind. The whisper uttered, "Child," and though it did not sound like her nana's voice, she hoped it was. Hour passed into hour as her eyes finally closed in sleep and the voice sat silent. In her rose-colored dreams she dances with no pain." I like Chelsea - her deformed leg naturally imbues a lot of sympathy for her - dancing by herself, dragging her leg behind her. A beautiful chapter really and I am glad to have given this a spin on my bookshelf. Best in finding a publisher.

Your riddle at the beginning starts your story off perfectly. Your imaginative and descriptive writing style makes your book a great fit for the children's audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Strong writing and easily one of the most engaging reads I've read on the site. This if perfect for the target audience and beyond. There are such incredibly well-crafted descriptions here that I'm pulled right in - torn between delight at finding such a good read, and envy at your skill.

Backed with pleasure,
Abi xxx

Hi Craig
Great cover and the story doesn't disappoint. Your writing is beautifully visual and children will love it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

One of the best childrens books on this site. You have a wonderful narrative voice and an imagination that is second to none.

Very happy to shelve such fine writing.
Melxxx
Impeding Justice

I saw the word spider and quailed. But it's probably one of the many things that children will love about this book.
There's nothing derivative about it as so often besets this genre but your imagination is so fertile it must be a pleasure to give it full rein. There's real depth to the character of Chelsea. This sort of book engenders in children a life-long love of literature. Backed. Lynn

Simply wonderful!

BACKED

Youre highly descriptive writing style ensures that this finely crafted fantasy book will appeal to children everywhere. Your book is well paced and well written. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development is superb. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Craig,

Always in the City of Shadows - This kind of writing is what will make children fall in love with language, a pleasure to read, with metaphors that chime, and wisdom. I like Chelsea's father's definition of friendhsip. An enchanting story.

Backed with admiration. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

A great fantasy novel here, I think it could very well be made into an awesome movie! It reminded me of City of Ember. But on to the writing, which was superb. You have a talent for writing in this genre, including one heck of an imagination. Your characters are entertaining too. I enjoyed this so much, you've got something quite special and with a little polishing, this will be ready for that big pubilshing contract!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Dear Craig, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will also put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy.

This is glorious. When I read your pitch I was reminded of 'Tunnels' which I read and didn't enjoy. But it was unfair to make a comparison. This is lovely stuff. Your writing is pitch perfect for your target audience and yours is one of my favourite opening paragraphs on the site. In short, this is why I came to Authonomy - I wanted to see how other wannabe children's authors try and appeal to that target audience. You do it quite beautifully. Brrimming with imagination, this just wonderful and I am delighted to back it.
carl
The Time hunters

Dear Craig, I love the poems before each chapter & looked forward to them. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

I love this story!

I stumbled across it by scanning the weekly children's book chart. Normally, I only have time to see the front-runners, and I guess that's because they actively solicit comments and backing, and their messages are on my main page. Shame, really. Today I took time to look at every book on the book chart and found yours. The underground theme caught my eye.

I read the entire four chapters and loved it. We are all misfits in some way or another just trying to be accepted. Poor Chelsea, I feel for her. And I like the fantasy element. I think the kids that do read, read to experience something other than what they can get in real life. Actually, so do a lot of adults!

I also like the way the title incorporates the last name, Always. Cool!

I wish this site was set up for simple reviews, and not designed as a tit-for-tat, quid pro quo site. That whole trading process dimishes the works and makes the authors little more than online pimps.

I backed your book because it deserves it. I love it. It's that simple.

I require no backing, as my book was self-published last year. The next in the series is not complete (and therefore not on here).

Susan (SRR)

A friend recommended this and I can see why. This is well written with an engaging MC in Chelsea. You do have an eye for details which add an extra layer of authenticity to your world. Why is this not doing better? Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Fantastic, imaginative, very well told story!
You made the character of Chelsea come alive, very, very well done. You have a great skill in building up tension in the reader, and it is that, that makes this book a little bit special. - Very, very good.

Hello Craig. This is a great story. I loved the little riddles. Chelsea having no pain in her dream was a nice touch. The spider was very well done. You have an amazing way with descriptive words. Wish you all the best with this! mariecapri

This is an imaginative story. You have a good character in Chelsea because of her bad foot and the extent of the task she has to undertake to find her brother. I'm a little concerned that the kidnapping by a strange man could be frightening for young schoolagers, but okay. I'm sure even kindergarteners know an eight legged man couldn't be real. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Craig..
A man with 8 legs ? I'm sure I wasn't supposed too because I'm sure he's supposed to be scary, in a child snatcher kind of way, but I burst out laughing.....

i love little Chelsea, you've profiled her well, I feel i know her, just by reading your loaded chapter one......Her character and disability make a change from the run of the mill MC where everything is perfect and she's a superhuman, talented, mini glamour model .....with a boy lusting after her..

D'you think you need 'that' in the instances below...?

God, please tell nana (that) I miss her so much.”
I have heard ( that) these gates are as tall as the sky
Your life may well be harder right now so (that )when you’re older you’ll be stronger for some

This is probably one of the most enjoyable reads I've had on the site..

best of luck..

Shelved

Hi Craig. I have only read the first chapter but I am hooked. I have no nits or feedback for you. I want to know what happens next but as I am, well, arachnaphobic it's an interesting battle going on on my head! Best of luck.