Book Jacket

 

rank 4166
word count 10745
date submitted 06.02.2010
date updated 06.02.2010
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Children's
classification: universal
incomplete

Always in the City of Shadows

Craig Froman

A lonely, young girl finds tyranny, betrayal, and her little brother in an ancient city a mile beneath her grandfather’s farm.

 

Chelsea Always lives in a world of rejection. A young girl of ten, she has a deformed foot and is painfully withdrawn. At the death of her grandmother, she and her family move to their grandfather’s farm to care for him and his land where a dark mystery is awakened. Compelled to search for her younger brother who is taken in the night by a man with eight legs, she unravels the strands of her grandparent’s past in an ancient world just beneath the soil, being partly transformed herself into a spider. Can Chelsea save her brother from this dark world inhabited by humans and half-human creatures? What is the nineteenth secret that may be the only answer to saving this ancient world torn apart by prejudice and hate?

 
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tags

children, fantasy, farm, spiders, underground city

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Riddle One

Riddle 1

A voice as soft as a candle flame;

Seems sweet and like a kitten tame.

But echoes twist like a phantom bends

When softly spoken on the winds.

 

whisper

 

 

 

    If you ever held a secret, held it quite tight enough in your hand to secure it but not so tight as to break it open, then you have tasted both the delight and fear when your secret is about to be uncovered. You would do well to unearth this account as first and foremost a series of secrets; some smaller than the head of a pin and others perhaps as big as the world itself.

    The surprise that would eventually unfold the deeply buried secrets for the Always’ family came on a day in summer at the arrival of a rather ordinary looking letter crawling with dust from the countryside, smelling slightly of lavender. Young Chelsea Always limped to the mailbox to retrieve this letter, fingering the dust ever so lightly with her small hands.

Chelsea had always known pain in her right leg which was twisted slightly outward since her birth, and which she had to drag along as she walked. Sometimes the pain was like a small needle poking her and other times like a jagged knife, but it was constant. This may be the first secret of the account, for she kept the pain even from her own family preferring no special treatment and certainly no commonplace pity.

One would call her rather large for a ladybug, perhaps, but somewhat small for a girl of ten summers. And it was not that most people treated this small girl unkindly. Much worse; they treated her as if she were invisible, never speaking to her or commenting on how nice her hair looked or how pretty her shoes were.

    It had always been good to get a letter from her nana, whose hair was frosted silver and white like the Alps in early spring. Surely there would be a dollar for Chelsea and her younger brother, Andrew, and the words were always like ice cream covered with chocolate syrup; better on better. But these words on that day seemed strange and swift, flavored more with sour adult words and riddles, and not even a quarter.

 

My precious family:

 

Please come to see your grandfather and me as soon as you are able. There is a secret we feel it is time to share. Please do not delay. The past is like your shadow; it follows you wherever you go.

 

With all my love,

 

Nana Always

 

    By the next morning their small blue car, patched with white frosted smudges, was packed for their short nineteen-mile journey. Traveling out of the gray city into the rainbow countryside you could see the last bits of strange summer fog lumbering off like a tired dragon under the trees.

Out where the summer wind often journeyed for mere pleasure, there was a farmhouse in the distance, much like any small mustard-colored farmhouse but for one detail; this house rested in the branches of several old oak trees. It looked quite natural nestled in those limbs, as if it had grown there in springtime from a small mustard-colored seed. Every inch of earth beneath it crawled with vines and branches for acres across.

The family drove slowly up a dirt drive, overgrown from disuse except for a long black car parked beneath the farmhouse. This black car happened to be a hearse, the curse of the living, and the headlights stared at them dreadfully as they approached its ominous dark figure. They parked and walked at a snail's pace up the wooden stairs to the front door off the second limb to the right, pushing aside several branches in order to knock hesitatingly.

Now the death of a loved one is something that moves too quickly, even if it simply creeps around you like a lazy moth. For the family, this loss of their Nana Always was like losing a warm coat on a bitter cold day; you can try and rub your arms for warmth, but you never get quite comfortable. Papa Always would say a thousand times after, “She died in her garden. When I die, may it be in my garden.”

Soon the black hearse drove off with any joy they might have had packed in a rectangular box, the wind stopped suddenly, and the air hung like heavy curtains around the small family draped in black just two later. They made a few more trips to the city, moving their belongings to the farmhouse to begin the task of helping their grandfather with his harvest and his saddened heart for they loved him dearly. His hands had become an extension of the earth and they were always dirty, but he was never sick. People said he had very honest eyebrows; something that cannot be said of everyone.

Neither Chelsea nor her brother Andrew particularly wanted to live in the countryside, a place as different from the city as the growing sunrise is to the setting sun in the evening. This was a bitterly quiet place nearly ten miles from anywhere with no television, no video games, no radio, and no computers. There was simply no electricity whatsoever.

Chelsea had only one keepsake from her nana that helped her cope when sorrow crept up her shoulder: it was a soft as silk doll with brunette hair named Sarah. Sarah’s skin looked like Chelsea’s―soft white like a chamomile flower. And she had only one friend here on the farm, or sort of a friend. This was Raindrop, a small, black spider with a wet web because she rested on the water spout that was near the house. To Raindrop alone all her secrets she would tell as she placed another cricket on the wet web, and her questions were endless:

“Why do kids tease me when I never hurt them?”

“Will anyone ever think I’m pretty?”

“Why do some people hurt all the time when others don’t feel anything?” 

Often left alone as her parents returned to the city to tie up loose ends, Chelsea found books to be her best friend and to keep her company on the hot, humid days. Books never said nasty things about her or left her alone for someone else, as had often been the case in her young life. Her grandfather’s small house had an endless supply of volumes, like mud after a heavy rain, covering every possible shelf in every room. 

    On a quiet afternoon, Chelsea turned from Raindrop’s web to watch her young brother dart toward a thick grove of brush and trees a stone’s throw from the farmhouse, smiling like a dog that just ate a Cheshire cat. “Don’t go near the forest, Andrew,” a firm yet gentle voice called to remind him from the porch ten feet up in the branches.

Glancing down at them with eyes as blue as the sky, their grandfather turned to view his strange fields of purple pumpkins, blue corn, and assorted herbs, lined by orchards surrounding nearly every acre of this good land. The only acres left untouched by their grandfather’s plow or axe lay quietly in the overgrown grove, filled with thick vines and mangled branches and surrounded by thousands of peonies.  “Look out there, my little princess. These plants are only the very tip of the earth’s treasures, almost like hairs on her head. She hides so many other secrets deep within her, and one day, if you’re lucky, you may find some of them.”

    “Papa, why are you a gardener?” Chelsea asked looking up quietly and pushing her hair back over her ears, as she often did. She rarely spoke, but when she did it was often in the form of a question for this helped satisfy her insatiable curiosity of the world. Her grandfather appeared serious for a moment then smiled.

    “Well, my dear girl,” he said a bit slowly, “A gardener is like a prophet looking out on a barren land and saying, ‘I see corn, and beans, and lavender, and over there some roses.’ That’s what a good friend should be like. A truly good friend can look at our empty lives and see the fruit of what will one day come from deep inside us. And if you are a good friend like that, well you can change the course of history, for they say a thousand gardens can grow from a single seed. I know you sometimes have a hard time making friends because you’re quiet, like I once was. If others could only see the treasure I see within you.”

    “I need to see it too, papa,” Chelsea said with a tear crawling down her cheek. “I don’t see it…”

    “Your life may well be harder right now so that when you’re older you’ll be stronger for some great purpose. Those trees that survive a drought have roots reaching deeper in the earth.”

    For a time, Chelsea and Andrew followed their grandfather to plant some late cabbage in the warm earth.  Chelsea limped to the right on her slightly twisted, weaker leg. As they placed the seeds in the soil, their grandfather spoke as he bowed his head, “Now, for our garden blessing. As round as our heads…”

    “As big as our butts,” they replied, laughing and planting more seeds, gently covering them with soil and a soft spray of water.

    Coming to her with a basket of early fruit, Chelsea’s grandfather handed it to her as gently as if it were a baby. “Please take this to the Penner farm down the road and to the right. Their youngest is ill and they’re in need. Send our love and prayers to them.” At this, Chelsea limped with her basket over a mile down a dusty road to bring the gift to a family she had never met, though she had seen them in their field.

As she approached their wooden steps, through an open window she heard a voice quite loudly call out, “It’s the crippled girl from the Always’ place. What’s she here for?” Chelsea moved slower after that, as if the wind was pushing her back with ten skeletal fingers. They slowly opened the door and stared down at her.

“This is from my papa. He said one of your kids was sick.” Though she said little and held her head down, they seemed surprised and gracious for the food and kind thoughts, watching until this young girl limped out of their sight. Her tears mingled with the dirt on her face to form a soft mud. In her haste to get away, she fell and lay weeping in the dirt, as the sounds of insects sang around her.

The words still stung her young heart as she asked her grandfather, “Why does no one ever say I’m pretty, papa?”

Without hesitation, her grandfather smiled and pointed to some beautiful summer blossoms. “Do you see these flowers? They’re very pretty, but in a few days they’ll whither away. Now this rosemary has a softer, more unspoken beauty but it will flavor our food all year. Oh, my precious granddaughter, it’s just like you. You are so much more than beautiful. You never cease to bring me joy.” He paused for just a moment and then added, “It is good to remember that the butterfly must struggle against her cocoon before breaking free; the struggle makes her wings strong. The pain you have now will make you stronger soon enough.”

    As night crawled into the quiet valley, Chelsea was lifted up the steps into the farmhouse on the back of her grandfather, while Andrew clambered up several tree limbs and jumped through a window, fearless of heights as well as pain. Breathing rather heavy, he took only a moment to inhale a spray from a small bottle then rambled off. Their grandfather looked at Chelsea with a serious stare, something that looked quite uncomfortable sitting on his soft face.

    “Your mother and father will be back in a few days. They’re actually meeting with several doctors to discuss Andrew’s health.” Here he glanced back to make sure Andrew was not too near. “You know he’s gotten worse over the last few months, but perhaps this good soil will do for him what your stone city could not. It’s hard for heaven’s seeds to grow in cement, you know. Keep your eye on him for me but don’t let him know. It might bury his endless joy that means so much to me now.”

“I’ll do anything I can to help, papa. I’m ten now and I can do things on my own, you know.” She was quite right, and he knew it―quite right indeed.

    Her grandfather knelt beside her, with some difficulty on his older knees so he could look into her eyes. “I don’t doubt that you are a big girl. Sometimes an older child, such as yourself, has to carry a heavier load; sometimes too heavy, my princess. So it was for me when I was young. I was adopted by my parents when I was your age and they had found me wandering on this very land; their land. I became their first child of five and they taught me to remember that even if you fall eighteen times just make sure you get up once more.  Then they taught me to read and I have loved it ever since.”

    “You couldn’t read? Everyone can read by ten.”

    “I had never learned, and I’m certain there are others just like me. I can’t do without it now. Let’s get ready for night. I think we’ll have time for some stories then.”

The evening settled in like a traveling stranger in the country, covering the windows with dew shaped like crystal frogs and snakes on the glass. Inside the warm house, jars of creeping insects and spiders lined the kitchen cabinets and were strewn among the book shelves. The creatures became nearly still as stone when their grandfather sprinkled them with a strange powder.

With their dinner done and no electricity in the old farmhouse, Chelsea and Andrew slipped into bed to hear another story from their grandfather by candlelight. Kneeling between their beds, he put a hand on each of their shoulders and spoke like a soft song, just a little out of tune.

“As you know,” he began, “there is a time to live and a time to die. Well, at the latter time we gather at the gates of Heaven. I have heard that these gates are as tall as the sky and no one can climb over them. Each person who comes near them must have a key to enter. On one such day, a beautiful day like this one we have shared, a woman who had been rich woman came with a golden key, but she was turned away. Next came a man who had been powerful, carrying a silver key in the shape of a sword, but he was also turned away. As he walked off sadly, a man who had been a craftsman approached, holding a beautiful key hewn from stone. He was certain the gates of Heaven would open for him, but he too was turned away that day.”

“Who can get in?” whispered Andrew, looking quite upset. Their grandfather smiled and simply continued.

“Just then, two young children, a brave girl with blond hair and eyes as blue as a cloudless sky,” with this he touched Chelsea’s head, “and a fearless blond boy who could climb the rays of the sun approached the gates.” He looked down and smiled at Andrew, who seemed pleased. “They carried nothing with them, for they had lived a very poor life, but they came nonetheless. As they stood at the gates, they looked around for a key so they could enter. Climbing up the gates to the crest of the moon and clinging to the sun they both cried out, ‘We have no key; we only have our love. Will you let us in?’ And with those words spoken the gates of Heaven swung open and they climbed down, entering to the song of the angels. They truly possessed the proper key.”

“What did they see in Heaven?” Andrew asked, sitting up intensely on the edge of his bed.

“I don’t quite know what they saw, Andrew. No one knows the rest of the story. That’s all I’ve heard. You’ll have to dream a wonderful ending for us.” Smiling, their grandfather kissed Chelsea and then Andrew, slowly rising to leave as he leaned on a large axe he sometimes used for a cane.

“Papa?” asked Chelsea. “Did nana have a key when she died?” Stopping instantly, their grandfather slowly smiled, with just the subtle glimmer of a tear hanging desperately to his cheek like the last leaf in autumn.

“Ah, she had the proper key if anyone ever did. Good night, little angels. May the wind bring you peace from Heaven to rest your weary eyes, for there is a time to work and a time to rest from your work; rest well now.”

Taking out a small bottle, he poured a few drops of liquid on each of their pillows. “Lavender…”

“…for sweet dreams,” Chelsea and Andrew both said with a smile. With this their grandfather smiled again, then turned and quietly walked away, leaning on his large axe.

As an hour passed in the scattered light of the moon, Chelsea laid awake on her bed wondering about the next day, as the wind whistled through the branches and Andrew coughed. “God, please tell nana that I miss her so much.” For a few minutes she climbed out of her covers and danced by herself, quietly dragging her leg behind her.

Rising and shifting in the branches around them, the wind played like a child among the leaves. Back in bed, Chelsea heard a voice as soft as cotton whispering on the wind. The whisper uttered, “Child,” and though it did not sound like her nana’s voice, she hoped it was. Hour passed into hour as her eyes finally closed in sleep and the voice sat silent. In her rose-colored dreams she danced with no pain.

 


 

 

Chapters

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Jim Darcy wrote 540 days ago

Hello, I am writing to you as someone who has been kind enough to support the Firelord’s Crown in the recent past. Now I need your help once more. I have been on site for nearly 2 years and worked my way up through reading and commenting on books. I have always been uncomfortable with ‘spamming’ and tit-for-tat backings but I do feel able to ask if you could please support Firelord by shelving it for a while over the next month. Under the new system I cannot offer you anything but an immediate * star rating and the promise of whatever support you feel you need; a second reading or comment etc. if you do not feel able to put Firelord back on your shelf, please could you still *rate it for me?
Many, many thanks!
Regards,
Jim Darcy
The Firelord’s Crown

eurodan49 wrote 621 days ago

Even if you’re an editor I’m not just going to say WOW! This is the 3rd time I'm reading it.
The wordsmithing is outstanding but…there’s a lot of narration in the opening chapter and a little less “telling” and more “showing” would have an even greater impact on how it is perceived. Once you start the dialogue the characters’ voices is established. Good flow, natural sound. One small thing…they sound very much alike (maybe is just me).
So, Chapter 1 give a good writing but a slow pace…do young readers have the patience to wait for something to happen?
I recall a symposium and the topic “Waiting for action.” The general belief was that readers (especially younger ones) expect (demand) action or at least tension on every page.
Chapter 2 gives an increased pace from the start…I feel drawn in. I still would like a stronger POV and some internal dialogue would help endear the MC with the reader. By its end reader if finally caught by the story (just that darn web).
Chapters 3 and 4 continue the pace. By now I like what I read (even if not my genre). I would like a little more development (like Muntweight). I can see Chelsea’s need for him but his role needs more defined. And one more thing…when Chelsea asks the lady her name and you get into what she’s called. Too much. Beautiful trip you take the reader on but…can reader understand it? I doubt it. You becoming much to sophisticated.
Don’t lose the perspective for whom you’re writing it. The risk to lose your readers by dumping too much on them is real.
I liked it. Well written but I’m afraid it will go over the heads of intended audience.
Backed.

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 647 days ago

Craig, I forgot to add that your cover is eye catching. The division of deep and saturated colors makes me look at it longer than most covers. That's a good thing, I believe! Regards, Elizabeth

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 647 days ago

Dear Craig,
What a lovely fantasy! You handled Nana's death right up front and so sincerely. This is a totally unique concept and will appeal to children and parents who want a deep and complex story. Wonderful writing!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

TalulaJane wrote 650 days ago

This story is easy to relate to. My heart was bleeding for Chelsea as she lost her Nana. Even by the end of the first chapter, I had grown attatched to the little girl with the afflicted foot. You have exacted some excellent character development that immediately instills a sense of intimacy for the reader!
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demorui's Defeat

Jodi Louise Nicholls wrote 650 days ago

Craig,

You have a sensitive and soft voice, which flows beautifully. I only suggest a re-read and some commas and ironing-of-sentence-fluidity check.

Otherwise backed on potential.

Kind regards,

Jodi.

x-Evalesco-x

eurodan49 wrote 652 days ago

I really enjoyed reading it. Okay, now I’m starting again and make a few comments. Please keep in mind that I don’t have your editorial background.
Ch 1. The narrative flows real smooth. Easy reading which allows the reader to savor the story. Maybe just a little too much “telling”. Maybe a little more “showing” would draw the reader deeper into the story. The dialogue sounds real…though I have one question. I’m under the impression that today’s trend is to ID the speaker firs, then follow with dialogue. Often, you start with dialogue and then identify the speaker. You show a good balance between short, snappy dialogue, which moves the story and longer, more complex one intended to reveal the character.
Ch 2 is where the story actually begins. Good, even pacing, increasing in tempo and drawing the reader in. A few good choice words in the right place make us see what’s happening.
Ch 3. This one is enchanting. Not what I would read but trying to receive it as a young reader would I find it perfect. The story’s unfolding, tension is present at every step and the reader’s engrossed.
Ch 4. Well balanced narration and dialogue. One thing, I feel that the reader could see more and understand better id you could use some internal dialogue for your MC…just a thought. I like the way you introduce new characters, so effortless.
Well, what can I say? You’ve got my vote.

nsllee wrote 655 days ago

Hi Craig

Great title. Great names. I'd suggest omitting "You would do well to unearth" and just start that sentence with "This account is" etc. The first part reads awkwardly at the moment. I like the subtle delicate analysis of the way Chelsea feels and the similes ("like a tired dragon under the trees"). The farmhouse built in the trees - wonderful. "Honest eyebrows" - nice. Actually, I won't go on, the more I read, the more I love it. There's something wonderful in almost every line, I'd just end up quoting the whole thing back to you. I don't know which is better, the gentleness, delicacy and wisdom with which you handle the relationships, or the imagination that has created such a constantly surprising milieu, which through your writing yet seems completely real. Backed, backed, backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Miss Wells wrote 659 days ago

The lovely writing and depths of insight charge this with a thoroughly beguiling enchantment. Both clever and magical. Definitely the kind of book I’d like my children to read if I had any.

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 662 days ago

What an intriguing read! The plot will attract people from outside its own genre and the writing will keep them engrossed. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

drachat wrote 666 days ago

What a wonderful child-like fantasy story. Not my typical genre to read but so well-crafted. You paint the perfect picture of compassion for poor Chelsea and her bum leg and being teased. Then her brother being snatched away in the middle of the night after losing her one comfort, Nana. Very nicely done and happily backed.

I will try and finish the other two chapters at a later date!
Denise

Would you mind having a peek at my book, "Road to Redemption: From Cop's Daughter to Convicted Felon?"

CarolinaAl wrote 666 days ago

Chelsea is likable and well developed. Your imagery is lovely. For example, the imagery in the last paragraph of the first chapter. You salt your exceptional narrative with apt similies such as 'like the Alps in early Spring' and wonderful metaphors like 'as night crawled into the quiet valley.' Your conversations read real and are informative. Your pacing held my attention. This is a well crafted, captivating fantasy adventure packed with wisdom. Backed.

Johanna Kern wrote 666 days ago

I love the story, and the way you have crafted it. Empowering and magical -- overcoming one's fear and limitations to not only save one's brother, but to preserve the precious inheritance of the old world.

Beautiful, heartfelt and intelligent.

Backed with the utmost pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Davej wrote 668 days ago

Craig

I kinda agree with JD Revene below...the first chapter is one that I would have to read to my son...yet the following flow more easily for the younger reader and the pace picks up. As for the writing stlye...it's very good as I'd expect from an editor...but I do agree that it is quite old fashioned, but that is a complement and it works well with the story. There's not much more I can say except I'm very jealous and I wish you success in finding a publisher.

DJ-The Lost Cactus

I did like the way the river bed opened up and the shadow...especially the clickerty clack noise. ;-)
And I'm not even going to dare debrief any of your punctuation...to be honest I wouldn't notice any mistakes anyway.

JD Revene wrote 669 days ago

Craig

This has the feel of an old-fashioned childrens story, with its upfront narrative style. Quite different from the directness of a lot of modern childrens stories. But it strikes me that with its longer chapters this is a work for parents to read to their children: this style will be familiar to many parents.

The writing's fluid and easy to read. I have few nits (some places I would punctuate differently to you--for example I'd have a comma before 'but' in your first line--but you're the editor, so I shant comment on such matters).

Backed

soutexmex wrote 669 days ago

I read all 4 chapters. You have the genre down as they are small paragraphs so the fast pace stays there which is necessary. I personally cannot give you a better insight than a professional already in the industry. Good luck and BACKED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Iberian Bird wrote 670 days ago

You have a real gift with words, Craig. This is absolutely beautifully written. Your style is better than most that I've read on Authonomy and I reckon you'll go far!
The best of luck.
Backed, with absolute pleasure.
Best wishes
Suzy (Raven)

celticwriter wrote 670 days ago

Nice read. You grab hold at your synopsis and don't let go. Visual, flows well. Would make a terrific movie.

sincerely,
jim

celticwriter wrote 671 days ago

Hi Craig, enjoyed your synopsis. Looks good! Will be given it some better attention later today. Meantime, placing on WL.

sincerely,
jim

Kami K wrote 675 days ago

This is a beautiful, beautiful book. Your writing is gorgeous, whilst still remaining perfect for your target audience: 'sapphire eyes all abubble' You've also kept this level of detail up throughout. I hope that the rest of the book is as good.

There is intrigue, tension and an instant rapport with the characters. I am so jealous right now.

Extremely backed x

The only part I stumbled over was:
'they spoke rather hoarsely in an ancient language.' As we are seeing this through Chelsea's eyes, would she know that it was an ancient language? Maybe better to say 'a strange language' or something similar.

KW wrote 678 days ago

"There is a secret that we feel it is time to share." What a great way to begin. Chelsea, with her strange leg, and her brother are off to adventure. Your idea of a city under the farm is an idea I used to believe about my family farm. I used to think that a city the size of New York was somewhere below us and that one day I would stumble across the entrance to it. Why, I don't know, but I was just so bored being so isolated and unable to go anywhere unless one of my parents would get in the car and drive us to a store. I'm enjoying this so far and will be back to read more when I get a little more time. Backed for now.

Katy Christie wrote 681 days ago

'Lumbering off like a tired dragon' ... not only does this conjure up a marvellous picture, it also intimates the magic to come. And when you tell us that the summer wind is 'journeying for pleasure', well I could just go on and on. Your writing is a pleasure to read and it's a pleasure to back you.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

DMHeadley wrote 685 days ago

Beautifully written and highly descriptive.
Best wishes.
Dawn,
My Friends and Me

Owen Quinn wrote 687 days ago

very imaginative, brilliantly conceived world that sits right up there with the classics. The images evoked by the pitch itself =, I can still see the 8 legged man stealing the child vivdly and it's chilling. |Excellent.

Rakhi wrote 689 days ago

This is very imaginative and well conceived. I read all the 4 chapters and found your style and voice unique and consistent in narration, dialogue and decriptions. I love the cover, not too sure about the title though. The pitch had me completely hooked. Your prose is beautiful and poetic and you have a wonderful, original way of describing even the most ordinary things - for ex, I love the way you say that Chelsea was 10 summers old - prose like this is scattered throughout and made me enjoy and appreciate the story even more.
You also have a knack of making even inanimate objects seem alive, like the black car or the oak tree in which the house sits.
Chelsea is precious, readers/children will relate to her not being physically perfect and emotionally raw. She loves her brother in spite of him being the focus of her parents and I was delighted to find her curious and brave. Grandpa provided a solid anchor for her. The adventures she journeys through will satisfy the thrill seekers in your audience and the end of chapter 4 is exceptionally done and provides a great hook.
Happy to back this.
Rakhi (Sir William....)

Lady Midnight wrote 690 days ago

*If you ever held a secret, held it quite tight enough in your hand…but not so tight as to break it open…
*…preferring no special treatment and certainly no commonplace pity.
*…could see the last bits of strange summer fog lumbering off like a tired dragon…
*…and its headlights stared at them dreadfully…
*It’s hard for heaven’s seeds to grow in cement…

…with just a subtle glimmer of a tear (hanging) desperately to his cheek… I think ‘clinging’ would possibly be better.
…Chelsea (laid) awake on her bed… (lay) awake.

This is a beautifully crafted opening chapter, full of poignancy and gentleness. The writing is almost poetic in its lyricism and as you can see, I’ve listed some of your descriptions, which are simply wonderful. Just a pity there’s not room for me to list all of them. There’s only two nitpicks that I could find. I hope you achieve publication for your book – it should be shared. Backed.

mclevin wrote 690 days ago

That this book retains a red arrow so soon after its launch is a mystery to me. A scintillating cover, a captivating pitch, and superb writing by an author who clearly knows his craft.

The opening is beautiful and beguiling, with delicious dark undertones the reader can feel rumbling beneath the surface, ready to erupt.

I'm not very deep into this yet, but I've seen enough to know two things: 1) the book should be climbing the charts; and 2) the book deserves to be on my shelf.

The latter has just occurred.

Best of luck!

G
Notes on an Orange Burial (a tragicomedy)

klouholmes wrote 696 days ago

Hi Craig, The story enchants with its natural images and the tenderness of the relationship between Chelsea and her grandfather. Loved the last name Always. The hints about the plants being the tip of the earth’s treasures are a good prologue to the synopsis theme. That’s a draw into the underlying sadness of Chelsea’s being crippled and her nana’s death while the journey sounds very intriguing. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

GK Stritch wrote 701 days ago

Dear Craig Froman,

"Chelsea Always lives in a world of rejection." Thought this might be about book publishing, but, no, this is something entirely different and original, a fantasy story in a very mysterious setting. Also, a lonely child with a disability will get children to consider their less fortunate peers. Backed and all best wishes.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School (Please have a look.)

Richard Daybell wrote 705 days ago

This is beautifully written and surprisingly lyrical for this age level. A fascinating story line and endearing characters add to the mix. What better summation than to dance with no pain. Good luck and lots of shelves.

zan wrote 705 days ago

Always in the City of Shadows

Craig Froman

Craig,
I love your cover. Good, imaginative plot which your target audience should find very exciting and stimulating - a lonely, young girl, and, her little brother lost in an ancient city a mile beneath her grandfather’s farm; she has a deformed foot; her younger brother is taken in the night by a man with eight legs; she unravels the strands of her grandparent’s past in an ancient world just beneath the soil, being partly transformed into a spider!! Can Chelsea save her brother from this dark world inhabited by humans and half-human creatures? Excellent storyline for your target audience. What's not to be drawn to here? Of course I'm not a child, but I love these imaginative elements of your plot. I would love to see what a man with eight legs looks like! I love your whisper riddle in One. You seem to know what children like/will like (! small and big ones!) and I like how you tie in this whisper riddle theme at the end of the chapter - "Chelsea heard a voice as soft as cotton whispering in the wind. The whisper uttered, "Child," and though it did not sound like her nana's voice, she hoped it was. Hour passed into hour as her eyes finally closed in sleep and the voice sat silent. In her rose-colored dreams she dances with no pain." I like Chelsea - her deformed leg naturally imbues a lot of sympathy for her - dancing by herself, dragging her leg behind her. A beautiful chapter really and I am glad to have given this a spin on my bookshelf. Best in finding a publisher.

Andrew Burans wrote 706 days ago

Your riddle at the beginning starts your story off perfectly. Your imaginative and descriptive writing style makes your book a great fit for the children's audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

A Knight wrote 706 days ago

Strong writing and easily one of the most engaging reads I've read on the site. This if perfect for the target audience and beyond. There are such incredibly well-crafted descriptions here that I'm pulled right in - torn between delight at finding such a good read, and envy at your skill.

Backed with pleasure,
Abi xxx

DP Walker wrote 709 days ago

Hi Craig
Great cover and the story doesn't disappoint. Your writing is beautifully visual and children will love it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Melcom wrote 710 days ago

One of the best childrens books on this site. You have a wonderful narrative voice and an imagination that is second to none.

Very happy to shelve such fine writing.
Melxxx
Impeding Justice

lynn clayton wrote 718 days ago

I saw the word spider and quailed. But it's probably one of the many things that children will love about this book.
There's nothing derivative about it as so often besets this genre but your imagination is so fertile it must be a pleasure to give it full rein. There's real depth to the character of Chelsea. This sort of book engenders in children a life-long love of literature. Backed. Lynn

yasmin esack wrote 733 days ago

Simply wonderful!

BACKED

Andrew Burans wrote 733 days ago

Youre highly descriptive writing style ensures that this finely crafted fantasy book will appeal to children everywhere. Your book is well paced and well written. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development is superb. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Pia wrote 734 days ago

Craig,

Always in the City of Shadows - This kind of writing is what will make children fall in love with language, a pleasure to read, with metaphors that chime, and wisdom. I like Chelsea's father's definition of friendhsip. An enchanting story.

Backed with admiration. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

missyfleming_22 wrote 735 days ago

A great fantasy novel here, I think it could very well be made into an awesome movie! It reminded me of City of Ember. But on to the writing, which was superb. You have a talent for writing in this genre, including one heck of an imagination. Your characters are entertaining too. I enjoyed this so much, you've got something quite special and with a little polishing, this will be ready for that big pubilshing contract!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

SusieGulick wrote 735 days ago

Dear Craig, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will also put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy.

carlashmore wrote 736 days ago

This is glorious. When I read your pitch I was reminded of 'Tunnels' which I read and didn't enjoy. But it was unfair to make a comparison. This is lovely stuff. Your writing is pitch perfect for your target audience and yours is one of my favourite opening paragraphs on the site. In short, this is why I came to Authonomy - I wanted to see how other wannabe children's authors try and appeal to that target audience. You do it quite beautifully. Brrimming with imagination, this just wonderful and I am delighted to back it.
carl
The Time hunters

SusieGulick wrote 739 days ago

Dear Craig, I love the poems before each chapter & looked forward to them. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Srr_Colvin wrote 741 days ago

I love this story!

I stumbled across it by scanning the weekly children's book chart. Normally, I only have time to see the front-runners, and I guess that's because they actively solicit comments and backing, and their messages are on my main page. Shame, really. Today I took time to look at every book on the book chart and found yours. The underground theme caught my eye.

I read the entire four chapters and loved it. We are all misfits in some way or another just trying to be accepted. Poor Chelsea, I feel for her. And I like the fantasy element. I think the kids that do read, read to experience something other than what they can get in real life. Actually, so do a lot of adults!

I also like the way the title incorporates the last name, Always. Cool!

I wish this site was set up for simple reviews, and not designed as a tit-for-tat, quid pro quo site. That whole trading process dimishes the works and makes the authors little more than online pimps.

I backed your book because it deserves it. I love it. It's that simple.

I require no backing, as my book was self-published last year. The next in the series is not complete (and therefore not on here).

Susan (SRR)

Jim Darcy wrote 748 days ago

A friend recommended this and I can see why. This is well written with an engaging MC in Chelsea. You do have an eye for details which add an extra layer of authenticity to your world. Why is this not doing better? Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Famlavan wrote 754 days ago

Fantastic, imaginative, very well told story!
You made the character of Chelsea come alive, very, very well done. You have a great skill in building up tension in the reader, and it is that, that makes this book a little bit special. - Very, very good.

mariecapri wrote 764 days ago

Hello Craig. This is a great story. I loved the little riddles. Chelsea having no pain in her dream was a nice touch. The spider was very well done. You have an amazing way with descriptive words. Wish you all the best with this! mariecapri

Burgio wrote 769 days ago

This is an imaginative story. You have a good character in Chelsea because of her bad foot and the extent of the task she has to undertake to find her brother. I'm a little concerned that the kidnapping by a strange man could be frightening for young schoolagers, but okay. I'm sure even kindergarteners know an eight legged man couldn't be real. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

paxie wrote 827 days ago

Craig..
A man with 8 legs ? I'm sure I wasn't supposed too because I'm sure he's supposed to be scary, in a child snatcher kind of way, but I burst out laughing.....

i love little Chelsea, you've profiled her well, I feel i know her, just by reading your loaded chapter one......Her character and disability make a change from the run of the mill MC where everything is perfect and she's a superhuman, talented, mini glamour model .....with a boy lusting after her..

D'you think you need 'that' in the instances below...?

God, please tell nana (that) I miss her so much.”
I have heard ( that) these gates are as tall as the sky
Your life may well be harder right now so (that )when you’re older you’ll be stronger for some

This is probably one of the most enjoyable reads I've had on the site..

best of luck..

Shelved

jhoom wrote 830 days ago

Hi Craig. I have only read the first chapter but I am hooked. I have no nits or feedback for you. I want to know what happens next but as I am, well, arachnaphobic it's an interesting battle going on on my head! Best of luck.

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