Museum of Old Beliefs

This really is a superbly entertaining departure from so much of the material appearing on this site and indeed, on the market. The humour is kind of simultaneously riotous and sublime (no mean achievement), and your characterisation skilfully convincing, which makes it effortless to empathise with Pete, the old rogue. The only distraction is, I humbly suggest, your over-use of commas - in some places, shorter sentences would have more impact, and some of your phrasing needs a bit of attention, although I realise that some of it reflects Pete's thought processes which are in no small state of decline! But that is a minor consideration which can easily be addressed. If this were in book form, I'd have difficulty putting it down, thus I am pleased to stick it on my shelf.

Hi Peter;

This book drew me in from the first paragraph. It's the best kind of read for me. I started reading it late last night, and expected to cover just a few paragraphs to decide whether it would stay on my watch list for a later read. Next thing I knew it was two chapters later. I reluctantly pried my eyeballs from the screen, and left the novel up to continue this morning.

One thing (there are many) that I particularly like about your style, is that you leave little details, that are reincarnated later. An example - the lyric "money for nothing and the chicks for free" . Later on Tom's greeting is "Still paying for your chicks" while Peter is feeding the birds with a tea cake he got from the diner.

That, my friend is craft. Most people would miss it entirely, but you put it in because it appeals to people like you, and apparently, me. It's also a compliment to your readers. It shows that you don't think that everything has to be obvious, or we won't notice it.

Details like that reinforce the humor in your book. I will be reading the rest of what you posted later today, after I finish my "Blue List" -a list of chores my wife has set me for Saturday. (In case you think I'm henpecked, you should know she also has a "Pink List")

I have backed this book with great pleasure, and I'll leave it up on my shelf for a while in the hopes that others will see it.

Bob

Hello:

This story does many things for me. It brings out emotion, then it brings joy at the discovery of each phrase that is just pure fun. There are sad moments where my empathy for Peter is nearly overwhelming, in the touching kindnesses he awards to his friends and strangers, the understanding of how drugs, meant to cope with inadequate functions of the body, turn one into a non-feeling robot.

Finally, I love how Peter took control of his existence and then at the end, only to learn it was all a vision. Or was it?

This is subtle surrealism and highly creative. I back it with pleasure from the experience.

Mary Enck
A King in Time

Great!

The editor’s desk, was it worth? Was your book reviewed by HarperCollins? Did you receive a book publishing offer, or have other publishing houses expressed and interest in you book? We have found the comments and suggestions from the other authors on Authonomy helpful in revising our book, but were just curious as to the benefits of landing at the top.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Hi... after reading the first chapter, I have fallen in love with Peter. Look forward to reading more - peeking more into his thought processes. Great writing!

Backed!

Dima
The Gathering Heart

I read the first two chapters. The main character over thinks everything. That's not a bad comment just an observation. I'm sure it would make a ton of sense if I read the entire book. I like the time references of one nineteenth of a second and 45.5% less thinking about sex since age twenty-two. Very cool. Some of the language was interesting to me, schlubbed and flobs, which drew me in further. I enjoy seeing new perspectives from other parts of the world. I'm backing it for a few days. Cool story.

T. Rhyder
In The Mud: An American Odyssey

MUSEUM OF OLD BELIEFS - 8/17/2010

The first paragraph is a bit awkward, especially following the ellipsis. If something is not in one's plan, it is not necessary to tell us that he was right. In fact, there is a trend where the reader is given the hint that something is or is not going to happen, then told that it did or didn't happen. This just slows down the story. Just give us the hint. That will imply the outcome.

The ellipses seem to be overused. They slow down the reader and confound the pace of the story. Many can be removed and others can be replaced with periods or commas.

I'm not getting clear pictures from the dialogue. It seem a bit contrived and unnatural.

The imagery is vivid and well done. Good pictures of the settings. Fascinating story with interesting characters.

Some serious editing is needed to correct punctuation and word forms, but I think you will do well with this. Good luck with it.

Marc - Where's The Ivy

MUSEUM OF OLD BELIEFS - 8/17/2010

The first paragraph is a bit awkward, especially following the ellipsis. If something is not in one's plan, it is not necessary to tell us that he was right. In fact, there is a trend where the reader is given the hint that something is or is not going to happen, then told that it did or didn't happen. This just slows down the story. Just give us the hint. That will imply the outcome.

The ellipses seem to be overused. They slow down the reader and confound the pace of the story. Many can be removed and others can be replaced with periods or commas.

I'm not getting clear pictures from the dialogue. It seem a bit contrived and unnatural.

The imagery is vivid and well done. Good pictures of the settings. Fascinating story with interesting characters.

Some serious editing is needed to correct punctuation and word forms, but I think you will do well with this. Good luck with it.

Marc - Where's The Ivy

Hi, Im here to peek at a starred book. :)

I like the humour threading through your story. There's some great imagery with the beans , and with Amy morphing into a witch. I enjoyed Peter's mindset, too:)

Im going to offer a few tiny suggestions now if that's OK.

The 1st paragraph feels a little confused to me. Could you rework it? + I think there's a tiny typo near the start. Shouldn't "more than generous" be "more than a generous"?

Personally, I'd use less exclamation marks. I think they fast lose effect, and only reserve them for rare occasions of extreme emotion and when characters are shouting.

And with speech tags, I'd stick to "X said" rather than the other way round. I think you switched to "said X" for a bit in the 2nd or 3rd chapter.

I'd say I was more than happy to back your fun book, but you don't need my backing, do you? Instead I'll say well done. I wish you the best of luck getting it published. :)

Pete

Hi Peter
Very engaging story. read all of the chapters. Took me on a great ride. Found the first few paragraphs about the beans and all a bit of turn off....did not really follow. But i would not change that for just one person's opinion (old belief ;) ). After that section I found this a great story with great characters. Although you already made the Ed Desk, backed.

If you can please read The Secret Snow and give me your thoughts.!

River

Patience, persistance anda hell of a strory!! You got what you worked for and deserved. Good luck!

Hi

OK, I'm intrigued. Reading now.

Neil

this is a great story, happy to back - and well done!

Sian Banks

CONGRATULATIONS
I PETER LAVAN
FROM TOM BYE
FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

Dear Peter,

Congratulations! Very well done.

Sincerely
Faith
The Assassins Village

CONGRATS
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

Congratulations!
CC Brown
Dark Side

Congratulations!
CC Brown
Dark Side

backed

backed

Very zany, and the humour is priceless! Backing with pleasure, and good luck!

very enjoyable beginning - I know you don't need me telling you that it needs some editing (and finishing), but very promising - nice to read something different, and it's 'different' that I find is what's required on the real bookshelves of this world.
I'll carry on reading - best of luck.
regards.

To ( Peter Lavan(Thr Museum Of Old Beliefs)
This would not have been my choice of reading material, going by my normal choices, but I'm delighted I decided to read the Museum of Old Beliefs. I found it amusing and although the humour is off the wall (for me that is) I was able to 'tune in' to the zany sense of humour.
I'll back your book and would recommend it generally. Backed.

Frank James (The Contractor0

Very imaginative piece you've written. Will definitely read more in the near future.

What a playful and childlike character Peter is! It's entertaining to read about his little wanderings into imagination, tiny but quite humorous blunders, and quirky dialogues. Wish you good luck with the book. Backed.

Absorbing. Touching. I do so wish you luck. Backed, Carla Marie

Peter - I read Ch 1 and part of Ch 2. I was put off by the first paragraph's typos (its' rather than its, Peter rather than Peter's, and then rather than, um, than) and almost stopped reading. But where the story really started hitting for me was when Peter meets Sabine. Her bits of dialogue flow off the page; she's intriguing; I want to know more. I like all of Peter's meandering thoughts... but I feel like at the start of the book, things should flow a bit more directly to get the reader engaged. Once you do that, you can set Peter loose and people will follow. ;-) Best of luck - I will find a place on my shelf for this before the end of the month!

I'm putting this on my shelf from reading the hook and pitch... It struck a cord in me. (No explaination as to why) LOL... If you could have a look at my three books it would be appreciated and tell me what you think? Thanks

Wow, a unique perspective, and I love the link-in with being a child, having that same sort of feeling of being made to wait, not really understanding why. The beans start out as a harmless sort of thing, and then turn tragic. Backed.

You my friend are worth your weight in gold!

Peter,

Curses! I have managed to get to Museum of Old Beliefs before the end of the month, as I promised to try to do, and made lengthy notes two days ago - I usually make notes, where appropriate, as I read - only to find, when I came back today, that you've updated the start, and some of the comments are now no longer relevant! It's hard enough getting through all these promised reads as it is, without people improving their work before I've had a chance to criticise!!!

In fairness, you do say you need to edit.

Right, I have now made some changes - but, be warned, I can be very fussy!.

I have to confess that I almost stopped reading after the first few paragraphs (in the original). It took a short time for me to work out (better make that, guess) where this was going. However, before I get into that, a brief note (well ok, lecture) on dialogue. You are making a mistake that I regularly made when I first started writing, or at least trying to write, seriously. Apologies if you're already aware of this, but you have made the same error on a number of occasions, so I thought I'd mention it.

When using the name of the person being addressed by the dialogue within that dialogue, his/her name should be preceded by a comma - with one exception I'll mention in a moment.

For example,

"That you, Dad?"
"Oh, Dad, what happened?"

The same rule applies if you use something other than a proper name in place of the name, as in,

"Oh, you poor thing, what happened?"

The exception is when the name is used right at the start of the dialogue, when the comma must FOLLOW the name.

Example,

"Amy, it's ok."

I've not listed any examples of this, but you need to check all of your dialogue for missing commas.

Now back to your first few pages.

These really do have to be as good as you can make them, or the whole manuscript could go onto the rejection pile straight away. For a start, I'm not sure that using words like shlubbed, shlubbing and flobbing is wise. I've never heard them. Perhaps they are Yorkshire expressions? (I'm a Lancashire lad, which might explain my ignorance - we're not too bright!).

The new first paragraph helps explain that there are baked beans around, but it also adds confusion.

First he 'checks to see where the baked beans had come from'. Ok, but why is he looking at 'the notebook'? And what is this notebook? Don't forget that in this day and age it can be something you write in or a pretty powerful, portable computer, and I wouldn't expect to find baked beans in/on either!

You mention that there would have been more beans (you don't actually need the word beans again here) if the bus hadn't jerked about so much and the dog hadn't shaken itself at the bus stop. But, if the bus is jerking about, they are already on it, not at the bus stop.

Reading this, I assumed that Peter was perhaps carrying a pot of baked beans, or something similar, but if that was so, and the violent movement of the bus made him spill some, there would have been more on this notebook and not less, which is what is implied.

Finally, at the start of the second paragraph the door shlubbed shut and it's soon evident that he's now indoors, whereas a moment ago he was 'outside his daughter's house'.

There's no natural flow to the logic here.

Since the explanation for Peter being covered in baked beans comes later, you can simplify the start and avoid any confusion. For example,

Arriving outside his daughter's house, Peter briefly checked his clothes. Having baked beans spilt over him had not been part of the plan, but when did things go to plan these days?

Having expressed some reservations, let me add that once Peter leaves the house (whilst reminiscing in the bath) the narrative flows much better, and my concerns eased considerably,.so much so that I decided I had to back it.

My 'picky' side noticed a number of technical issues, but nothing that a ruthless edit can't resolve, and I have given a few examples here.

Be careful not to duplicate words unless you are doing so for a good reason, such as for emphasis. You write

And still sixty-eight years later it was still 'orrible being made to wait.

Cut the first 'still'.

and you could avoid the 'looked' and 'look' in

She looked up with her stare of acceptance. He knew the look. It was . . .

to

She looked up with her stare of acceptance. He knew the expression. It was . . .

Also, you can 'smooth out' some of the phrasing.

Try 'He struggled to suppress a giggle' instead of 'He struggled not to giggle'.

Further down this chapter, the paragraph in which you have Amy taking up a defensive stance (I think) reads awkwardly. I initially read this as if she had taken up martial arts - full stop - as opposed to using a 'martial arts prepared position.' Perhaps a simpler 'Amy took up a martial arts stance' would be better?

Chapter 2.

Typo,

'A teacake's cheaper then Tailand.' than Tailand ?

More repetition.

. . . even in front of his friend who didn't even know her. Cut the second 'even'.

Another typo,

The walk to Leopold Street was lost in the days haze. (day's haze)

I'm sure you'll find a few more if you look hard enough.

Best wishes,

Neil.

Peter,

Curses! I have managed to get to Museum of Old Beliefs before the end of the month, as I promised to try to do, and made lengthy notes two days ago - I usually make notes, where appropriate, as I read - only to find, when I came back today, that you've updated the start, and some of the comments are now no longer relevant! It's hard enough getting through all these promised reads as it is, without people improving their work before I've had a chance to criticise!!!

In fairness, you do say you need to edit.

Right, I have now made some changes - but, be warned, I can be very fussy!.

I have to confess that I almost stopped reading after the first few paragraphs (in the original). It took a short time for me to work out (better make that, guess) where this was going. However, before I get into that, a brief note (well ok, lecture) on dialogue. You are making a mistake that I regularly made when I first started writing, or at least trying to write, seriously. Apologies if you're already aware of this, but you have made the same error on a number of occasions, so I thought I'd mention it.

When using the name of the person being addressed by the dialogue within that dialogue, his/her name should be preceded by a comma - with one exception I'll mention in a moment.

For example,

"That you, Dad?"
"Oh, Dad, what happened?"

The same rule applies if you use something other than a proper name in place of the name, as in,

"Oh, you poor thing, what happened?"

The exception is when the name is used right at the start of the dialogue, when the comma must FOLLOW the name.

Example,

"Amy, it's ok."

I've not listed any examples of this, but you need to check all of your dialogue for missing commas.

Now back to your first few pages.

These really do have to be as good as you can make them, or the whole manuscript could go onto the rejection pile straight away. For a start, I'm not sure that using words like shlubbed, shlubbing and flobbing is wise. I've never heard them. Perhaps they are Yorkshire expressions? (I'm a Lancashire lad, which might explain my ignorance - we're not too bright!).

The new first paragraph helps explain that there are baked beans around, but it also adds confusion.

First he 'checks to see where the baked beans had come from'. Ok, but why is he looking at 'the notebook'? And what is this notebook? Don't forget that in this day and age it can be something you write in or a pretty powerful, portable computer, and I wouldn't expect to find baked beans in/on either!

You mention that there would have been more beans (you don't actually need the word beans again here) if the bus hadn't jerked about so much and the dog hadn't shaken itself at the bus stop. But, if the bus is jerking about, they are already on it, not at the bus stop.

Reading this, I assumed that Peter was perhaps carrying a pot of baked beans, or something similar, but if that was so, and the violent movement of the bus made him spill some, there would have been more on this notebook and not less, which is what is implied.

Finally, at the start of the second paragraph the door shlubbed shut and it's soon evident that he's now indoors, whereas a moment ago he was 'outside his daughter's house'.

There's no natural flow to the logic here.

Since the explanation for Peter being covered in baked beans comes later, you can simplify the start and avoid any confusion. For example,

Arriving outside his daughter's house, Peter briefly checked his clothes. Having baked beans spilt over him had not been part of the plan, but when did things go to plan these days?

Having expressed some reservations, let me add that once Peter leaves the house (whilst reminiscing in the bath) the narrative flows much better, and my concerns eased considerably,.so much so that I decided I had to back it.

My 'picky' side noticed a number of technical issues, but nothing that a ruthless edit can't resolve, and I have given a few examples here.

Be careful not to duplicate words unless you are doing so for a good reason, such as for emphasis. You write

And still sixty-eight years later it was still 'orrible being made to wait.

Cut the first 'still'.

and you could avoid the 'looked' and 'look' in

She looked up with her stare of acceptance. He knew the look. It was . . .

to

She looked up with her stare of acceptance. He knew the expression. It was . . .

Also, you can 'smooth out' some of the phrasing.

Try 'He struggled to suppress a giggle' instead of 'He struggled not to giggle'.

Further down this chapter, the paragraph in which you have Amy taking up a defensive stance (I think) reads awkwardly. I initially read this as if she had taken up martial arts - full stop - as opposed to using a 'martial arts prepared position.' Perhaps a simpler 'Amy took up a martial arts stance' would be better?

Chapter 2.

Typo,

'A teacake's cheaper then Tailand.' than Tailand ?

More repetition.

. . . even in front of his friend who didn't even know her. Cut the second 'even'.

Another typo,

The walk to Leopold Street was lost in the days haze. (day's haze)

I'm sure you'll find a few more if you look hard enough.

Best wishes,

Neil.

This is funny..great start..will probably most definitely, in fact, read more later!!

Hi Peter, got your massage, but the site is playing up and I can't return your message. Enjoyed the read and good luck with your endevours. Best of luck

On my shelf now.
Appreciate if you would consider either or both of,
Russian Brides
Lunch Break Thrillers.

Hey Peter:

You have a clever, comfortable writing style, which I enjoy personally. The way you've constructed and paced your prose makes for an easy read which, it seems to me, could potentially appeal both to adults and YAs.

Best of luck as this current month winds down!
Peace,
Christian Piatt
"Pulling the Goalie"

Hey Peter:

You have a clever, comfortable writing style, which I enjoy personally. The way you've constructed and paced your prose makes for an easy read which, it seems to me, could potentially appeal both to adults and YAs.

Best of luck as this current month winds down!
Peace,
Christian Piatt
"Pulling the Goalie"

Hey Peter:

You have a clever, comfortable writing style, which I enjoy personally. The way you've constructed and paced your prose makes for an easy read which, it seems to me, could potentially appeal both to adults and YAs.

Best of luck as this current month winds down!
Peace,
Christian Piatt
"Pulling the Goalie"

Your delightful story is on my bookshelf. My dad is in his nineties and I can imagine the mischievous twinkle that I can still see in his eyes would flash in Peter's as well. Your unique writing style took me severIal pages to appreciate, but it sets this book apart. I'll be anxious to read it in its entirety. Best of luck with the HC editors!

Hi. I am exactly five days old on this site and it took me four and a half of those to support all those that had supported me when I first came on here. I would have felt ungrateful not to. Now though I have been beginning to work the system out and I went on to build a small WL of thirteen books that I have thought worthy of being printed. The problem is that I am taking so long to read and comment that you will be on the WL for days. So, I am sending this now as a backing and will get to you with my comments as soon as I can.

I think your work was too good to be given a bland comment but I also thought it important to back it just now so that it could be registered. Not that my TSR is high but every little counts, eh? Comments to come. Bye for now.
backed

Interesting, imaginative and engaging. Nice to see an older person as a central character; it makes the story much fresher. Good luck.

Dear Ian,

I have finally managed to read your book. Sorry for postponing it for so long. At the beginning I was not sure it was my type of narrative and I was about to it give up, but then, it grew on me and I ended liking it much. It awakes thoughts and this is the most important quality of this story. I empathise the main character - Peter, his lifetime losses and wrong decisions. Sabine/Sebastien - is she/he a guiding angel, a cunning goddess of Death or just an indifferent ferryman collecting the payment? What did really happened with Peter - was it a coma after he fell or did he day-dreaming under drugs? I appreciate that the whole story is going to be much more intriguing. I hope it will be selected by HC this month and we all could read it sometimes in full. Good luck! Backed.

Best wishes,

Peter G

Intriguing! I was glad to see the paragraphs getting longer after ch. 1. It indicates more development.

Entertaining and yet oddly disturbing.

Well written, you have a very clear and noble voice.

Well done. Backed.

AmyR
Trust Me

This is unlike any book I've read on Authonomy. You've got a very distnctive voice and the writing is superb. Shelved, with pleasure.

Carol

This is an interesting gem. The story intrigues me and I have never read something like it before. I can't wait to read more. Thanks for the great read!

- Scott Toney

A very vibrant writing and gripping story. I find your prose very flowing. Quite recently I joined the website and saw so many beautiful jewels yet to be published in the site.
Please find some time to read my book A Skein of Geese and give me your valuable input. Did some editting today and any comment from you would be helpful.

Looking forward to hear from you,

Surabhi.

Peter,
This is a fabulous reflection of life as seen through one old man; I love the manner you bring out the thoughts of an old man with so much color and humor against the larger reality and sometimes dismal manner in which life has now afforded him. It is satirical to some extent but very light hearted in terms of the manner the words captivate me, lots of imagery I can see; in all, it is an easy read that has you ticking along from one chapter to the other, all carefully staged. I hadn't expected to devour beyond the second to be honest Peter but I must tell you I did and that in itself tells you this piece had me enraptured!

Well done! Backed on my shelf and Watch List!

Rome
Directives for Murder

Hi Peter - Just checked out 'Museum Of Old Beliefs' as promised and i'm liking it. Good clear pitch, great cover art. Written with a natural pace and realistic dialogue and characters. Backed.
Adrian Lee

I like your narrative style, very smooth and fluid, your main character is great, very natural and believable and a nice premise, great read. Now finish it so we can say we read the whole story. RJ

Intriguing - dialogue a little fractured here and there - but on the whole does draw a reader in.

I couldn't really connect with it. Probably just a matter of taste

Tom

I read Chapter 4. You did a good job of maintaining the dreamlike tone and moving from one life episode to another. I like how the continuity is not the perception but the consciousness of the character.
Tom Kepler
The Stone Dragon
Love Ya Like a Sister