Go for the Gold

Dear Swimchick, I love fiction & Christian. :) Your story is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Please take a moment to BACK my TWO Books, ... "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" ... and the UNEDITED version? ... "Tell Me True Love Stories"
Thanks, Susie :)

Interesting premise that pulled me right in, but only because I'm a Masters Swimmer. But I think you could benefit by starting right in the middle of your story instead of in the middle of practice. At the very least start at a meet with something at stake. You need emotional urgency up front to draw in nonswimmers or nonatheletes.

The obsessiveness is sort of infectious. She's doing what he needs to do, but the welling eyes reveal how emotionally attached to success she is.

Mr Rothskin. He even sounds like a meanie.

"Josh wasn't my boyfriend or anything..." I wonder?

This is very interesting. The pressures of practice against the boy in traction. What are you prepared to give up to get what you want?

I think I shelved this before, but I'll make sure.

Nick
"Mirror in The Sky" (not much swimming at all, I'm afraid)

I think anyone interested in heavy athletic competition can get into the spirit of this one. Shelved.

Bill

Hi Swimchick, I liked this premise and the narrator's telling supports her singlemindedness even though she's very involved with her swimming friends. There are some punctuation issues that, when cleared, would make the reading smoother. Because the reading has momentum with the fast-paced protagonist. She seems so much more interested in swimming than school that I keep anticipating an exciting race day. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Chick lit with a Christian twist...splendid! Your pitch is right on, and your character of Rose is drawn very well. It's nice to see a book that's written with a thought outside of the box. Shelved.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

SHELVED!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is a very interesting idea for a book. Your pitch pulled me right in. Rose is a great character, tough and determined, yet concerned about other things, like her love life and her family. You take us right into her feelings about the Olympics as you show us her training session with Bill right at the start, and let us see exactly how she reacts. Making her a first person narrator works as it should by making her very real to us. Your writing is clear and attractive. Your voice, Rose's voice, is natural, easygoing and appropriate to a girl of her age, and it works to draw us in. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

You got a great idea here. very different than usual chick lit.
well written story

Good luck
Tamara

This reads like a real story...is it? well done. backed

Dedication anf the owerwhelming pressure of conflict are set up quite nicly here. Charcters and diolouge or discriptive and unique and bring forth and embrassing voice that only keeps the pages turning. C W Shelved.

Okay, this is a well described story. There are a few typos, and I see someone's pointed out the issue with paragraphing for dialogue.

Three chapters and the overwhelming dedication required comes through clearly. I'd like to see a bit more of the other characters' personalities, but all in all a good story.

Happy to give this a spin on the shelf.

Hi. Good, solid descriptions here - with obvious firsthand experience. I wondered whether you might share your experience more fully with us - tell us about the smell of chlorine, the feel on your hands, the bright lighting - the whole environment. It may make the atmosphere you create more imaginable for us. (I also noticed that you use the word 'then' a lot when describing sequences, and thought it might flow more naturally if they were replaced.) Having said all that, there's a lot of energy in your writing, and in many places it's harnessed extremely well. Potential for a good book here, and happily backed. Simon

I like sports books, and don't think I've seen one about a swimmer before. This is cool.

One thing I noticed: remember to start a new paragraph whenever a new person speaks in dialogue. It's confusing when you have two speakers in a single paragraph.

Good luck with this. An original premise, and well written.

Hello! I think your book is very neat: to have a premise about an athlete training so hard that their personal life is sacrificed. It's so true, especially for Olympians. I think your story's premise alone could get you attention from a book agent / publisher. Incidentally, your book is very well written and has lots of heart too, so that is a win-win (no pun intended) situation for you. Well done! :-)

Funnily enough, the Olympics are taking place this week in my home country of Canada. It is thus timely to read your book now; I will appreciate the athletes that much more because of what they have sacrificed to represent their home countries proudly! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

You are very good at dialog. I only read the first two chapter and may have more comments when I get a chance to read further. I would like to see you set the scene more, what does the classroom look like, smell like, etc. You know your characters well and it sounds like you have a good plot planned out but I'd add more detail.

Best of luck to you.

El
RECKLESS SCARLETT