Book Jacket

 

rank 5466
word count 37688
date submitted 10.02.2010
date updated 12.07.2010
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Thriller...
classification: universal
incomplete

Uthonomy by Harpo Cullens...Back it Today! LOL! (;-\>

David J. Gibson

To save his job Phillip Sims pitches a new website to his bosses at Harpo Cullens. Will he save the publishing industry with Uthonomy?

 

Confused sexually Phillip Sims frames his Oxford-English-degree above his desk at the mega publisher Harpo Cullens which eminently qualifies him to edit books or deep-fry potatoes and batter fish.

His boss Holts disappears following a review of the new website. Phillip is thrust into the spotlight by stealing an idea overheard in the elevator.

"Post anyone's book, idiot authors edit each-other’s work saving us expense. They decide who is good, the best with the marketing savvy -- float to the top."

Cynical enough for the board -- Crazy enough for the upper management not to know what to do with it.

Technology luddites, they still reminisces the good old days of the Gutenberg-Press, horse-drawn-carriages and masted-sailing-ships..

“Set the type by hand in my day..rather."
“I forged some letters for the block myself."
“I still keep the quill that my first editor used when making notes on hand written manuscripts penned by gas light."

Suspicious of e-books, websites, twitter -- heaven forbid...whatever a Kindle is. Wanting to push paper of dead authors and suffocate anything different that may threaten to un-hinge their slipping-grip of mediocrity.


The old web dashed -- is Phillip’s career next on the block...or wil he save them?


 
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tags

, abverb, adjective, art book, authonomy, book review, book store, comedy, confused sexuality, editor, england, fiction, literary agents, literary fic...

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45 comments

 

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Jupiter Echoes wrote 829 days ago

Though we, my fellow editors and I, have given your work thorough consideration, we regret to inform you that we feel your work is not for us. That is not to say that other agents or publishers would not find it remarkable. Why they would is beyond me, I mean, afterall we did really give you a read in our slush pile. The we, I mentioned earlier is a spotty girl just out of college.... she has a degree in quantum physics, but due to the economic downtown, decided she would like a carrier in this great publishing house. She is quite cute. I think if your avatar was a lot cuter we could have done something with this. Maybe, if you have ever had a walk on part in coronations street? Anything marketable about you?

I'm dry and feeling decidely unfunny.
BACKED this work, though it is not for us, and I wish you good luck with this in the future.

K.Z. Freeman wrote 829 days ago

LOL!!! This is awesome hahah

Ian Kammann wrote 830 days ago

You are a funny, funny man. Give us more.!

Lorri wrote 831 days ago

The pitch is hilarious!

I'm right in here!

Lorrii

Butler's Girl wrote 752 days ago

Witty, dry, evocative...a winner for sure. The prose, polished and packed with punch.
Alison Butler (The Hanging of Margaret Dickson)

Lara wrote 757 days ago

Naughty! But I like you.

Rosalind
Good For Him (apt?)

Sean Lamb wrote 762 days ago

I wonder what the ED would say about this. An almost obvious but unique idea for a story and appropriate for the site. You do a good job of using more subtle humor in you writing. The MC also appears to have a lot of potential for some funny moments. I like your idea

Sean

clutzattack wrote 779 days ago

I honestly want to see this on Ed's desk, more than my own book.

clutzattack wrote 779 days ago

I honestly want to see this on Ed's desk, more than my own book.

ILA Golden wrote 782 days ago

The title of this one jumped out at me. The concept made me smile enough to bring me in. I like your style. It’s paced well and moves at enough of a speed to keep the reader interest without being overwhelmed. You set up Philip’s character almost without effort. He’s is a believable protagonist and part of the reading I wanted to keep reading on.

This is wicked.

~ ILA ~

Cherry G. wrote 788 days ago

Hi David,
Just finished your very funny "Authonomy" ...sorry..."Uthonomy."
Trouble is, it's not just publishing companies that are like that. The security card incident in Chapter 5 was spot on! It happens at my husband's work everyday.
So to me it raised far more issues than just the publishing side of things! Good stuff and if it gets to the dizzy heights ol the ED, I don't think HC will be insulted at all.They'll just read it (if you are extremely lucky) and say "Yes, that's what we're like...but what's so funny?"
Many thanks for an enjoyable read. Will BACK when rearrange my bookshelf.
Cherry G. "Sister; One Woman's Journey through the Trojan War"

Fromante wrote 792 days ago

This is brilliant, David, I am keeping it on my watch list to come back and read as and when I can. When I started to read, I thought, Hello, been here and done that, then, farther on I was into new territory. Great stuff. Sorry to be late with commenting, this website has been playing up a lot today, takes ages to get anything done. Are you sure that Ms. Briss is not in charge of this website? Backed earlier.
Norman.

Katharine Schopp wrote 793 days ago

LOLOL; just read the first 3 chapters; thanks for the laugh.
Kathy
The Real Poop

J.Adams wrote 806 days ago

I have worked for people like Ms. Briss. I'm surprised I never killed any of them. Backed with pleasure!
Judy Adams
The Existence Game

Suzanne Adams wrote 815 days ago

This is gobsmackingly ... appropriate, quite mesmerical and a-must-read for all authonomites which will naturally get it to the ed's desk and then we shall see the colour of their money!
'Bring out your dead ... ha,ha, ha. Reminded me of an in-joke from years back; bring out your afterbirth. [A northern custom so I believe].
SLOSH pile, I am going to use from now on.

klouholmes wrote 817 days ago

Hi David, The first day experience was funny – I’d imagined that Authonomy was in an office separate from HC. Phillip’s taking to the computer and then having such a night off was written convincingly. Holts’ plan with the dead authors was really hilarious and had me speculating. I didn’t get to the specific authors but that must interesting. Entertaining and well-written! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

John Wickey wrote 817 days ago

Now this has to make it to the Editor's Desk!

John Wickey
Future's End

Maggie P wrote 819 days ago

Hi David, I've had this on my watchlist for weeks, and have finally found time to read it. Great stuff, funny as hell, thanks for raising a giggle, Maggie P.

lizzievale wrote 820 days ago

This is great!

soutexmex wrote 820 days ago

SHELVING!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Foretuneight wrote 820 days ago

Fixed the flow, I am writing this off the top of myhead and posting it as soon as it is done so i apreciate these comments. The fleshing out of characters is also underway.

Hi, I like the idea but found the formating problematic, an example would be the beginning of chapter three, a long paragraph that dosen't seem to flow. It is however an interesting idea and would agree that a stronger caricuture would suit the short sharp chapters.

dixie wrote 820 days ago

Hi, I like the idea but found the formating problematic, an example would be the beginning of chapter three, a long paragraph that dosen't seem to flow. It is however an interesting idea and would agree that a stronger caricuture would suit the short sharp chapters.

Tope Apoola wrote 820 days ago

A comic relief from the stress of Authonomy. Not backed, though.

Tope Apoola
Times of the supermen

lynn clayton wrote 822 days ago

Brilliant characters. Love Idspete. Backed. Lynn

Foretuneight wrote 823 days ago

Nick, you are correct. I should spend more time getting to know those on the site and not add them helter skelter. I did want to highhlight as much of the good work as I could and the variety that one could find here. I hope the reader will dicover those works as well as enjoy the story. I guess it is not a true spoof in the sence but more a work of fiction. My goal is to entertain and inform but I will heed your sage advice and see what I can wrought.

Well I read it and I have no objection and it's nice to see my name in print.

But I think I missed the point of the joke.

Just naming characters after Authonomy writers isn't enough. You have to caricature. Make me the sneaky, do-anything villain who'll trample everybody underfoot. Make Jo Ellis a weepy who bursts into tears at every setback. Get Dutch in there with sniper's rifle. Have Uttuka in a variety of easily penetrated disguises. Make Steve Games a loud drunk. And Abs a rabid anti-intellectual. Etc etc

Of course then you risk upsetting somebody. But without a barb (or a Barb?) this is too mild to be very funny, isn't it?

Nick Poole2 wrote 823 days ago

Well I read it and I have no objection and it's nice to see my name in print.

But I think I missed the point of the joke.

Just naming characters after Authonomy writers isn't enough. You have to caricature. Make me the sneaky, do-anything villain who'll trample everybody underfoot. Make Jo Ellis a weepy who bursts into tears at every setback. Get Dutch in there with sniper's rifle. Have Uttuka in a variety of easily penetrated disguises. Make Steve Games a loud drunk. And Abs a rabid anti-intellectual. Etc etc

Of course then you risk upsetting somebody. But without a barb (or a Barb?) this is too mild to be very funny, isn't it?

bonalibro wrote 823 days ago

We're returning this to you sight unseen as the envelope did not meet our specifications.
Best of luck with it elsewhere but, sorry, it's not for us.

Backing outright as I value honest opinions of my work and want you to feel safe in giving me one.
I'd be happy to read more of this. If you want more, just ask.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Christina McClean wrote 824 days ago

Bizare dry humour and very strange changing typefaces, a delight to see familiar names and personalities. You have been watching us all. Looking forward to seeing Christina
All the best
Backed of course!
Christina
From Under the Bed

Beval wrote 824 days ago

Send three chapters and a synopsis.

Backed:-))

CarolynJ wrote 824 days ago

Lovely, hilarious, clever - and it's well written too! You definitely have a comic talent and - as I see from your other book - literary talent too; how galling for the rest of us! Shelved with great pleasure, Carolyn.

Nick Poole2 wrote 824 days ago

This was done well in Night Of The Earwig still on this site. So well that's it's been taken up for publication.

colin smith wrote 824 days ago

I appear to be in the position of commenting on a book in which I and my novel appear. Very odd. I have been a picture framer and an architetcural modelmaker in my time, so carpenter is not a bad guess, though I am not large enough, either in height or width to fill a door. Oh and it's one l in Colin. love the refernce to my novel and can I ask you to put it as a comment on mine, please.

This is fun. I have no idea if it's an actual novel or a bizarre offspring from authonomy. But seeing as I'm in it I really have to back you.

Authonanon wrote 825 days ago

Amusing and intriguing (particularly the brown font that seems to randomly appear throughout the story)….yet the notion of spoofing Authonomy seems strangely familiar. Ah well, I guess this site’s big enough for two satirical takes on everyone’s favourite website. Good luck! – A.

Barbara Silkstone wrote 825 days ago

Curiouser and curiouser....
The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters

Batwidow wrote 825 days ago

Tee, hee. And it has real words and everything! AnneX

Marko wrote 825 days ago

Clever - and very funny, David. Backed.

Marko

TheLoriC wrote 825 days ago

Once inside the book, however, there's where the actual fun begins. Uthonomy from Harpo Cullens is fast-paced, hilarious reading, with an original story of parody of writing websites. A highly delightful read for writers who need a break from the everyday humdrum of writing and editing. On my shelf and Today's Pick I Like for 2/17/10: http://newandgoodreading.blogspot.com/2010/02/todays-pick-i-like-21710.html

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Elaina wrote 826 days ago

Darling, you are my hero! LOVE chapter 10 (wonder why????)

Cheers
Elaina

Thetinman wrote 826 days ago

Hahaaaaaaaaaaaa Had to back it on the pitch alone. Haven't even started reading it yet. Why the hell didn't I think of that?
Paul
We've Seen the Enemy
BUY IT on lulu.com 8300536 (huh could write a book about that too)

KevRogers wrote 826 days ago

Oh yes.
Backed

Kev

Debra wrote 827 days ago

Infinitely green with envy for this! Well done.

Ariom Dahl wrote 828 days ago

heh ... this reminded me of the night of the Earwig ... great fun!

Lynne wrote 828 days ago

Backed for its absolute cheek. It is so funny. What a stupendous idea. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

AlleJo wrote 828 days ago

I've been reading this on and off - whenever I have a minute - all day! Can't stop!

Brilliant ideas, very witty and flat out funny.

Carla_Anne wrote 828 days ago

Hilarious, Harpo Cullens!! This is bound to do well and deserves to climb the ranks. Well done!
Shelved
Carla
The Last Gift

Jupiter Echoes wrote 829 days ago

Though we, my fellow editors and I, have given your work thorough consideration, we regret to inform you that we feel your work is not for us. That is not to say that other agents or publishers would not find it remarkable. Why they would is beyond me, I mean, afterall we did really give you a read in our slush pile. The we, I mentioned earlier is a spotty girl just out of college.... she has a degree in quantum physics, but due to the economic downtown, decided she would like a carrier in this great publishing house. She is quite cute. I think if your avatar was a lot cuter we could have done something with this. Maybe, if you have ever had a walk on part in coronations street? Anything marketable about you?

I'm dry and feeling decidely unfunny.
BACKED this work, though it is not for us, and I wish you good luck with this in the future.

K.Z. Freeman wrote 829 days ago

LOL!!! This is awesome hahah

Ian Kammann wrote 830 days ago

You are a funny, funny man. Give us more.!

Lorri wrote 831 days ago

The pitch is hilarious!

I'm right in here!

Lorrii

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