Choosing Love

I am so happy that you had the guts to explore such a difficult and important topic: Love.

Love is not easy to understand, to explain. And yet you managed to put it in a safe capsule, your book -- to share the feeling/idea/vision of the one thing that everyone is after, not matter what origins, age or position.

What's more, not everyone understands the difference: it is nice to be loved. But it's even better to love...

The dedication, the caring the devotion -- all of that contributes to a personal and emotional development.

Those who know how to love... know how to live. They know the value of life.

My highest complements for your caring heart, superb writing skills, and great artistic vision -- all that came together to create this beautiful story.

Backed with true pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

This is a good pitch for an unusual and moving story. Leilah is a brave, compassionate, loving girl with quite a feisty streak in her personality. Taking on her brother's child at the age of nineteen is a very kind, sweet thing to do, and we are naturally drawn to this very special girl. Leilah's problems are ever present. The attitude of Felicity makes things worse, and clearly Colin's arrival on the scene (for the third time) promises that a good, supportive relationship is about to begin with someone who as well as being attractive has a job with prospects, and will be able to help Leilah to look after Thia. But your pitch warns us that there's trouble ahead. You move us quickly into the plot development, and your characters all lively and convincing. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

That's such an intriguing premise for a Romance in your very sound pitches, perfectly judged for the genre. Despite the occasional typo and grammatical error this is such a well-told story, following the occasionally chaotic , but never dull, life of Leilah and the child she has acquired along the way. Chapter 4 is where the real story kicked in for me with the explanation of how Leilah gained single mother status and the escalation of her relationship with Colin. 'I said tell me something I don't know' at the end of chapter 4 is a great line and an even better hook to end the chapter.
This is a well written book, typos aside, and will have huge appeal, particularly given it works so well as chick lit / Romance / YA, the last being perhaps the ideal target readership. Backed for great potential.
Jared
Mummy's Boy.

Strong arms, a taut chest and perfectly toned abs. . . Enough said!
On a more serious note though, there's an evident sadness in relation to how Leilah came to 'inherit' Thia.
You have to admire her for working two jobs to provide for her daughter and for sarcraficing so much, career wise at least. Colin will hopefully be the light at the end of the tunnel. He seems like a nice genuine guy.
It's on my shelf - all the best with it.
Grace ~ Suitcase of Memories

Hi Sarah, You've rendered the hectic and even exciting life of a woman who has spread herself thin. And she has her emotional priorities. She's brisk and snappish, and it seems because she feels she has a future whatever happens with her jobs. I was surprised that the man appearing as architect didn't change her tune in the office. A woman who doesn't back down, Leilah complicates her own plot. It's written with good pace and characterizations. Easily shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

The first chapter is polished and believable. The dialogue and scenes ring true (though I need to move to wherever it is that you can buy two beers, a shot of Jack, and a Coke, for only ten bucks; I'm guessing 1321 is not in South Beach, Santa Monica, or Greenwich Village). Also, the sentence towards the end of the first chapter about Deke's age seemed a bit wordy and awkward. Other than that, I enjoyed it.

Well written book for young adults. Raising a child as a single parent and the struggle that ensues together with a career, a blossoming romance and custodial battles make up the story. I imagine the book can continue down very different routes and I am left wondering how it will end. I hope you upload the ending soon so that readers can discover the characters fate.
Best of luck.
Bradley Haynes (Tricia)

this book is soo interesting
I hope u write more soon
I wonder whts gonna happen between leilah and colin
<3

What a gutsy young lady your MC is. This is a powerful story that tugs the heart strings. A good premise, and well thought out plot. backed. Eunice - THe Temple Dancer.

Choosing love
Interesting pitch, and a good opening
Bacled
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Sarah,

Great opening chapter. Leilah is a good MC and the narrative voice is strong and Deke provides a good foil.

Chapter two is equally strong, and shows more of the pressure Leilah is under.

Near the end of the first scene there may be a missing word:

I could try to find a new [job?] or I could work my ass off to sell a design

I like too that she doesn't immediately make a sale to Colin.

Backed

A deadbeat life as a waitress is transformed by the internship she holds as an interior designer, because it brings her into contact with Architect Colin Foster. With mounting debts and a child to care for, the poorly paid waitress needs a break and she gets one in the shape of a juicy contract, and a chance to work on a big project.
For a story with no real drama except the groping incident, it moves at a surprisingly fast pace making bar work and interior design interesting, as the overworked Leilah is thrust into office politics. The characters are defined by their attributes, but none have any in Leilahs life, as she hassled by Jane from the day care, Molly from the office and drunks in the bar. If I had any doubts in his story I might ask when did she have time to produce a portfolio, but I assume that was done at the beginning of the internship.
All in all 'Choosing Love' is a very good read, not slow and dull but fortuitous.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Interesting start here. There are plenty of unanswered questions to keep me reading, who does Cynthia belong to? A gorgeous man - will he be the love interest? And Leilah who is so grown up, and seems so young at the same time. Now, must keep turning the page!
Best of luck with this.

Sarah,

You do a great job here balancing a difficult topic with Leilah's fun personality. Your great grasp of your characters really helps push the reader along, and it prevents any slowdown. Nice work here! Backed! Looking forward to your thoughts on Head Games!

Kevin Alex Baker
Head Games

This is just about perfect for a woman's read. There is nothing to add to the other comments, well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Sarah, I have read 5 chapters and will be back to finish once I catch up on my backlog. This is a powerful subject with strong yet understated characters much like how love is. Your Mc's are inspiring and make it easy to get emotionally attached from the start.
The interaction between the three already make them seem like a loving family, although your pitch hints and crossroads ahead.

Thia is so easy to picture and she really plays an important piece to this loving story. The courage Leilah shows both in taking on such a responsibility after such a horrific circumstance is inspiring and she finishes school early while working, Having a mom who worked 2 jobs I related to the super mom mode which really does exist.

I love the premise, the dialogue has strength, it's clever and feels extremely natural I think tis is heartwarming, insightful and a read many will enjoy...Baccked happily Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

What a great idea for a novel. An immediate unresolved conflict, waiting to stir the emotions of the unsuspecting reader. To be resolved or will Leilah's life be shattered? Backed with pleasure. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Sarah, I'm backing your book for a second tme to give it a push. Your wonderful book needs to be published. This is an important lesson in life that people need to open their eyes to. Wonderful stuff. I love what you ahve written!

Backed! Again.

Steven Craig
Desperate Love "Diary of a Man that Loved Too Much"

Brilliant premise, brilliantly executed. A rich and absorbing romance told with style and grace. Well-drawn characters. Interesting dialogue. Evocative narrative. Assurd writing. A refreshing read. Backed.

Hi Sarah, started to read your book but got confused because you keep changing the child's name from Thia to Cynthia in the 1st chapter.
It's important to get the opening chapter at its best to draw the reader into wanting to read more.
This is only a small hiccup in a good story, so think about it.
I have backed your book. SHELVED.

Thank you for backing my book.

kind regards,

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest - Series)

Hi Sarah, I enjoyed the first two chapters. It's a tough life when you have a young child, especially if they don't sleep.
Realistic dialogue in the club and likable and strong main characters. To be honest I don't like either chick-lit or romance, but maybe I should widen my interest. Thanks for that.
Best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Sarah,

This is very moving. Polished and well written means that it deserves to do well, as well as it's heart warming message.

All the best.

Jodi
x-Evalesco-x

Leilah's hectic life comes across from the get go: mother, barmaid, waitress, pot-washer and general dogsbody. Doesn't stop her being sassy though, 'I'll have you know guys appreciate not wearing their drinks'. She's running away from issues, if Jane's concerns are anything to go by. You'd think the third time the guy pops up, she'd recognise Fate at work, 'his eyes hadn't been focused on the back of my head'. He's asking the question we all want to know, 'How do you sort of have a daughter?' Neat move with the groper. And the meeting with Colin pays dividends, 'we love kids. Bring her along'.

The manner in which Leilah is obliged to live her life leaves me cross-eyed and breathless, and full of empathy, wishing her a well paid job and a bit of romance in the shape of Colin. That's sufficient to keep the reader turning the pages. The prospect of her losing Thia is an even more riveting hook. Superb writing animates the story: 'My body jolted at the sudden flow of words', 'Motherhood looked good on me', 'God's way of telling me it wasn't nice to gloat'. I think this should do well with a wide audience ... backed.

Possible nits: 'grocery store shelf in front of me', reads better without the last 4 words. 'Don't push my buttons ... pushed the loaded tray'. 'looking at her ... look Felicity in the eye'. 'didn't more [move] for more than a minute'. 'I could try to find a new [job]'. 'meticulously go[i]ng over'. 'life is not looking ... Colin looked'.

Dear Sarah --

Choosing Love has an excellent pace; the first chapter in the restaurant never becomes bogged down in too much detail but you show us the stresses that Leilah faces and begin to reveal her character through her behaviors and interactions with her daughter and then her colleagues. The chapters that follow are equally strong as we see Leilah strat to wrestle with Thia's behavior problems and her own loneliness. We liked both Leilah's ability to handle herself and the doubts about her life that she's afraid to share with anyone until Colin comes along. Leilah is a woman we are rooting for, and we're happy to back Choosing Love on its journey. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

This is very well written. You allow us to enter the mind of a nineteen year old woman juggling her needs of love with the responsibility of caring for Thia. Your characterization is lovingly portrayed through the smooth balance of a sensitive narration and realistic dialogue.

A pleasurable read.
Miguel
Absentee Bidder

Hi Sarah,

I really hope Colin is all that she hopes. Will return to this soon to find out.

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

Brilliant piece of writing. It flows nicely and captures the reader's attention through the beginning dialogue and action. I especially enjoy the way you make the characters easy to visualize through your quick and accurate descriptions.

Backed with pleasure!

Joel Juedes
Purple Eyes

I am so happy that you had the guts to explore such a difficult and important topic: Love.

Love is not easy to understand, to explain. And yet you managed to put it in a safe capsule, your book -- to share the feeling/idea/vision of the one thing that everyone is after, not matter what origins, age or position.

What's more, not everyone understands the difference: it is nice to be loved. But it's even better to love...

The dedication, the caring the devotion -- all of that contributes to a personal and emotional development.

Those who know how to love... know how to live. They know the value of life.

My highest complements for your caring heart, superb writing skills, and great artistic vision -- all that came together to create this beautiful story.

Backed with true pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

A very realistic and stark account of the struggles of a single parent who won the job in a heart crushing way. The voice of the MC is good-natured and pragmatic, showing us that the girl's got a spine and will strive to do what's right.

Reflections and twists on life make great reading. This work is a pleasure to read. Backed. Chuck (Literary Agent Blues)

Dear Sarah, I love a good romance, and you haven't disappointed me. Excellent in every aspect. You are great witht the story, the tension, the dialog, you've got it all.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

Hi Sarah,

I have to say, your book is added to the handful of books on this site that I have read in its entirety and wished I could finish! I'm dying to know what happens to Colin and Leilah. I can assume that they get married or engaged, but fantastic! Love it, it is just my type of book.

This was most happily backed

PLease let me know what happens?

Sarah, wonderfully developed characters, great writing and is now on my shelf, backed with pleasure!
January

an okay beginning that sets the tone and gives us an idea of her life, although in a fairly straightforward manner. The kid runs off and gets knocked over, which is fine although not really a memorable opening.

When she's working as a waitress she texts the DJ and he says something and she gets the girls out of there, but you never make it clear what the DJ said, why the girls need to go, or where, or even who the girls are (employees of the club?). I think it would have helped to have a few more details in there.

When she tells Deke her life story you do work it in quite well with Emily/quitting as the reason for bringing it up, but it does still feel like fairly obvious exposition and I don't think you need it. She's pissed off and threatening to quit but knows she can't really. That's all the info we need at this point, all the stuff about designing can wait until it's actually relevant, imo.

The writing is very good and the characterisation is well handled, my only concern would be you show here life as very hard working and ordinary (deliberately) which reads a little flat. I think it would help if something more unexpected happened in the supermarket or in the club. Not freaky-crazy, just a problem that she has to sort out using her ingenuity, that makes the scene more interesting and at the same time shows us what kind of a girl she is. just a thought.

Overall it's a good read. Backed.,

Dear Sarah, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me No" - thanks so very much :) - that was 97 day ago that I backed your book. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage? I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quotes: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy

This isn't something I would have picked off a bookshop shelf, however... There are some areas where the intensity becomes a little brittle, and a little mellowness would help ease the reader rather than harsh biographical detail (IMHO)

Style and execution is very good, and once complete you can then go back over it as a whole and work through any continuity issues you might feel need it (but that is something a good sub-editor would do anyway.)

Happily backed, and enjoyed. Many Thanks.

Hi Sarah, I usually hate chick-lit but yours goes far beyond the usual 'dizzy but smart' MC and into the realm of really good story-telling. Leilah is a wonderful character. This is a book that has plenty to say. Well-written and enjoyable. I can't really ask for more.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

I really like your use of the first person narrative and the exploration of personnal turmoil. What you have posted so far is well written and well paced. Your use of imagery is excellent, your charactewr development of Colin and Leilah is solid and this coupled with your descriptive writing style makes your finely crafted story a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans:
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Backed. I have nothing to possibly say that could improve the novel. I concur with nearly all of the comments previously. So I wish you look with this and keep writing! If you have the time to return the favour it would be much appreciated.
Best Wishes,
David
Bailey of the Saints

Just the most lovely story and I'm kind of sad because there is no more to read because I was so getting into the story. Backed.

You have created a great character in Leilah and your storyline is unique in the Chick Lit genre. Your highly descriptive writing style makes your finely crafted novel a pleasure to read. Your work is well paced, well written and the character development is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Comments on Choosing Love

The author contacted me direct, accepting a general offer I made to provide feedback.
I read as far as the first section of text (1) uploaded to the website. I would be prepared to read more, if the author is interested in further comments, but would required the text to be provided to me in a format that could be easily printed.

If the author wishes this, she should message me and I will provide an email address.

I found the opening section very readable and as an example felt I was experiencing the young mother’s fear for her child’s welfare. The language here (and elsewhere) is measured accurately, so the reader gets sufficient information to form an accurate picture of the scene, without being crowded in detail, and most importantly the prose flows throughout the sections.

I thought the description of the male character was, however, terribly clichéd. It presented as a list, instead of more imaginatively and realistically (as this would be a fleeing glance) picking on one or two particular traits. I also feel that two protagonists meeting in a supermarket is very unimaginative and feel the author is capable of a more original slant on such a key meeting. I can think of a half a dozen off the top of my head!

Finally, this first section ends on a particularly appealing wry comment. It’s a great snippet and one of the many of examples of where the highly likeable main character is amplified very early on, allowing readers to connect with her and care about her.

I’m a little confused at whether I have read only one chapter, as there are several sectional breaks, which I did find irritating. It breaks up the flow a bit too much. However, in what I am calling the second section, I did find the dialogue as in other sections exceptionally enjoyable and, crucially, very real.

I have nothing to add in respect of the remaining sections, other than there are more imaginative ways for the protagonists to next meet than he turns up in her bar. And I did think that the hook at the end about the main character wanting her bed was, whilst realistic, again below the level of imagination I would expect.

Whilst there is a need to be realistic, this novel is categorised as a chick lit fiction and I think a better balance has to be found with imagination and originality.

You are off to a fairly good start with this, your premise is in place, but I think you will need to edit out some of the acivity in the bar, it slows the pace. Your characters are well drawn and believable and you have hit your target market well. All in all, well worth a backing, good luck, love Mary

Choosing Love
Sarah Odendahl

Sarah,
This seems like a nice romance which should appeal to your YA audience. I had to smile when I read that part about the joy on Deke's face which gave him a young quality and shaved off his early thirties age. Apt for a YA audience indeed because, if truth be told, early thirties is not old! This has been enjoyable and consuming so far and your writing has a special quality about it which makes it very easy to get close to your characters. I wish you well in finding a publisher. No problem backing this.
Zan

This is very real...i remember a time in my life almost exactly like this. Nice work, strong dialogue showing who your characters are. Backed

This is a really good book that could be taken to outstanding with a little bit of editing for redundancy. You do a fantastic job with portraying the stress that Leilah is under, and the readers dragged into her plight and struggles.

Backed.
Abi xxx

I'll make it easy for you.

I'll make it easy for you.

Choosing Love

Your writing is so good you can feel the stress and strain in the first page.
Your dialogue is perfect and balanced so well with the narrative. I don’t understand the genetic dilemma of other people’s children, and yet you get this problem across so well. – Good luck

This book has a lot of potential. My only comment is (and I am not a technical editor) that if feels a bit over written in places. For example. 'Making her decision, she reached out...' The fact that she reached out implies she made her decision. You don't have to say it. The reader is making the story up with you in their heads. Just say 'she reached out...' Work with the reader, will increase pace. But I like it.

D. J..

This is gripping and catchy and I think it will do well.
Congratulations.
Shelved with best wishes............mikegilli The Free

This is well written with a good pace and excellent dialogue. Look out for unnecessary commas - a good edit will sort his out for you and make it read even better. You might also consider changing the font. Times Roman is commonly used but in my opinion not easy to read on screen. Try changing a chapter (eg to Ariel or Tahoma) and see if you think it reads better? Backed with pleasure. Colin

This is a good story about the problem of being a single mom and having men shy away the minute they hear the words, "I have a child". That means it will have a wide audience as there are many women (and now some men) out there in the same situation. Leilah has a hard choice to make here. But that's what makes it a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

You have a great narrative voice & you hook the reader in from the onset. I love it! I wish you the very best of luck. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment' & 'Chameleon'

This is a snappy piece, with a believable main character who others can identify with as single parents holding more jobs than hours in a day. Backed

Catherine (The Golden Thread) If you get a moment, do take a look and let me know what you think of mine....