Conflict of Hope: The Exandril Scroll

What a powerful example of Christian fantasy this is. This is a subgenre I am not that familiar with, however there is an epic quality to your prose whilst never omitting the smaller details. There is an elegance, even lyricism here, that is quite remarkable.
Backed with pleasure
Carl
The Time hUnters

This is an imaginative story. And if you think about the number of planets that could support life out there but we don't know about yet, it could be true. Your writing style is good for this. You have a lot of background to describe here because this is a whole new world and you could have fallen into a trap of downloading so much info about it you bogged down your story. Instead, you've avoided that by supplying just enough to keep the story moving forward. Makes it a good read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is a well-told story, with an interesting plot and a fantastic cast of characters. It would benefit from a grammatical edit, such as punctuation around dialogue. You tend to have full stops prior to 'he said' tags, when commas are correct.

However, that aside this is a very engaging read/ I know I'm hooked.

Backed.

Abi xxx

Lisa, you tell your story very well, I find it easy to follow, almost as if I'm watching a movie and these, to me, are the best kind. I've placed it on my watchlist so that I will be able to give it the attention that it deserves. Backed.

This is an outstanding novel, with a promising pitch, that draws the reader to want to open the page and start reading. I have backed it with pleasure and will return with further comments.
Helen

A most peculiar opening chapter with the first evil man smelling of death. It has a dream-like quality where your narrator is driven along by events and accepts terrible things because they are irrevocable.
You describe wonderfully - the blood so red it's almost black - and present us with a fresh way of seeing things. The narration is emotive and expressive.
I've finished only the first chapter and will read more but back this now. Lynn

There's something very basic - in the best sense - about this. Simplicity can be powerful and you have made it so. I didn't read to the end, but I hope you have a satisfying finish. I thought of Pilgrim's Progress. I think you could tighten up the description of the evil man's death, the blood so red it was black didn't summon up a visual image. I looked into later chapters and found it compelling reading. Well done and backed.
Lara
Good For Him

Dear Lisa --

Eldriana works well as your MC, helping to guide your readers through the differences of her world even as she is being guided through changes after losing her whole family. Her abrupt change from girl to woman makes for both an amusing and touchingly poignant scene, and the curse regarding tears was a great twist. Our only suggestion: consider limiting the tags on your dialogue, especially in scenes when only two characters are speaking (as in chapter one between Eldriana and her mother). This is a preference, however, not a necessity, and we are pleased to back Conflict of Hope for its imagination and ability to capture our attention. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

Lisa,
Your writing is accomplished and your experience shows. Your descriptions are vivid yet the sentences short and compelling. I appreciate the style and the ease of reading.
Best wishes, Catherine, Whirl of the Wheel

I must live in the other world since I never feel temptation. I'm glad I have yet to face the enemy of man. "He exists only to see men suffer." Oh, wait, I think I remember now. Oh heck, I guess I've seen that evil before. "We are going to head down to the smith to get you armor and a weapon of your own . . ." That sounds familiar: Support the troops. Son of a Bush. This may be fantasy, but it rings true in many ways. I'm glad you uploaded the complete text so I can come back are read more when I find a little time. Backed for now.

Lisa,

Returning your read. Thank you for your support.

Great short pitch. I studied philosophy as a student and we used to talk about possible worlds; this sounds like an interersting one.

The long pitch expands on the premise, a few points you might like to conisder:

--there's a lot of word repition (notably evil, and perhaps sin and tempataion from the short pitch could be used at times instead) but alos, for eaxmple 'leave' twice in one sentence; and

--I'd like to see a little more here about the story and less about the idea, which is so well captured in the short pitch.

Might be worth breaking it into short paragraphs too, with some white space to aid readability.

Oh, and your cover features my favourite painting (referenced a couple of times in my work).

Into the work proper. The opening chapter is very impressive, you start with exposition, but strong voice carries the reader through to the action, which is well rendered: there an overwhelming sense of unease.

In dialogue, during the second encounter, you have:

'. . .The knew it was you he [corned] on the steps of the castle . . .'

Is that supposed to be 'corned' or should it perhaps be 'cornered'?

This is great work. Backed with pleasure.

Hi Lisa, Conflict of Hope is a wonderful concept for a book. You are a very poetic writer which works well in the fantasy genre. Only one small nit pick...you use the phrase..."That man over there is making me frightened" It seems awkward. Moreover you have an excellent opportunity here to describe this man and what it is about him that frightens her. Does she recognize him from somewhere? That kind of thing. I'm not sensing enough motivation for the guard killing him. Any way just one person's opinion. Otherwise this flows very well.

backed
Pamela Frost
aka scatteredfrost
Houses of Cards

The concept works. You draw a reader in gracefully. I enjoyed reading this. Well written.

This is a well written fantasy work with a strong underlying Christian theme. Your book is finely crafted, well paced and your message comes through loud and clear. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

What a wonderful idea. Humans who never suffered the fall.
You create a convincing world, with a main character who had my sympathy straight away. There was mystery too. What had happened to her father and what lay beyond the stone walls? The world does not lack evil and Eldriana is chased through the market by a strange man who is killed by the guards.Where do the evil ones come from and what interest have they got in Eldriana?
Several years later she is rescued by "the lost one".Exandril is lost to both sides and is able to pass from Eldriana's world into the deserted and lonely underworld. I found Exandril a very interesting character. He gave the girl warmth and protection and yet he is weary and sad. What has happened to him? What is it about him that he can fight the evil and yet remain in the underworld ? With the dream about her father to guide her, Eldriana recognises he is someone she can trust.
You've set up many questions here, Lisa. You've got me thinking.
I will back this.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca

Eldrianna is courageous and likable. Your descriptions are cinematic. For example, your description of the evil man in the marketplace. Not only can I see him, I can also smell, hear and feel him. You enrich your narrative with apt similies such as 'my eyes felt like dead weight.' Your realistic dialogue progresses your story. Your world-building is effective. Your pacing suits my tastes.

Nits:
1) 'There were people that longed to kill us.' 'That' should be 'who.' Same thing with 'There were enemies that lurked in dark places.'
2) 'Like a hawk watching its prey' is cliche.
3) "I see no man." She said. Comma after 'man' and 'She' should be lowercase. There are numerous cases of this type of problem.

This is engaging fantasy fiction. Backed.

I am taken back by the element of fantasy in this. The descriptions are good, your imagination and creativity exceptional. The way you have used this to build up the story and fantastic characters is clever. Already the reader wants to protect Eldriana and is in awe of Exandril. This is already a compelling read, you have managed to give the premise a great depth and the power of faith and hope shine through. I am still learning on grammar so will leave that area to the experts. I do like the title and cover and this deserves recognition.

Backed with pleasure,

Lisa

You write Soooooo well . It's natural in you, the way your lines flow telling each glorious tit bit. Don't spoit it with that sentence in brackets!!!! Take it our and reword it.
Fine literary genius

a pleasure to back.

Lisa, your first chapter is an entertaining read. Nothing to nitpick in that section.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

What an imagination!!! Beautifully written! And I back it.

Soothing, lyrical writing style and sympathetic MC. A lost child, but not so lost. Backed earlier. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

The concept is what works best here, but the writing is strong too. You've made it easy for the reader to get into this and kep turning pages.

Lockjaw

What a powerful example of Christian fantasy this is. This is a subgenre I am not that familiar with, however there is an epic quality to your prose whilst never omitting the smaller details. There is an elegance, even lyricism here, that is quite remarkable.
Backed with pleasure
Carl
The Time hUnters

Conflict of Hope

First let me apologies for the delay in commenting from my recent backing, time has been a big problem recently, anyway…
What an immense and imaginative story!!!
You have used the narrative so very well to create the new world it grounds it and made it very real to me the reader – brilliant.
Great characterisation and dialogue in an increasable and great storyline, I hope this does very well, really enjoyed it. – Good luck

Lisa: I can go with the short pitch. With the long pitch, I would expand on it a bit. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is an imaginative story. And if you think about the number of planets that could support life out there but we don't know about yet, it could be true. Your writing style is good for this. You have a lot of background to describe here because this is a whole new world and you could have fallen into a trap of downloading so much info about it you bogged down your story. Instead, you've avoided that by supplying just enough to keep the story moving forward. Makes it a good read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is a well-told story, with an interesting plot and a fantastic cast of characters. It would benefit from a grammatical edit, such as punctuation around dialogue. You tend to have full stops prior to 'he said' tags, when commas are correct.

However, that aside this is a very engaging read/ I know I'm hooked.

Backed.

Abi xxx

Dear Lisa, I love fiction science. Mixed with fantasy & Christian, yours is superb. :) Your story is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue which makes me want to keep reading & reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Please take a moment to back my TWO Books, ... "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" ... and the UNEDITED version? ... "Tell Me True Love Stories"
Thanks, Susie :)

Dear Lisa , I love science fiction, fantasy, & Christian. :) Your story is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue which makes me want to keep reading & reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Please take a moment to back my TWO Books, ... "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" ... and the UNEDITED version? ... "Tell Me True Love Stories"
Thanks, Susie :)

Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Lisa

Very rarely do you need 'had' before an - ed verb

I (had) learned (that) it was not a safe place when the next event occurred.
I learned it was not a safe place when the next event occurred.

It seemed that time had disappeared and we were wondering
It seemed that time disappeared and we were wondering

We had made our way back to my world.
We made our way back to my world.


There were a couple of other examples, but I didn't note them.....It's not a rule cast in stone, you may prefer your ms as it is.....Like you I write in the first person, often in reflection I infest my ms with 'I' 'had' and 'that'.....then go back and delete loads.....I thought I'd share...

Brilliant pace and characterization....Good storytelling ..

Shelved.

Not quite what I was expecting from your pitch, to be honest. A world of good starts out with killing! Some great lines in here - eg the blood was so red it was almost black. Sharp diaolgue and an interesting story line. Backed for promise. Colin

Hi Lisa, you have an interesting premise here and you realise it well. Your MC is engaging and the setting very well drawn. A good question, how far should you go to prevent evil? Does the end ever justify the means? This is a good story and I enjoyed what I read, it was quite thought-provoking. Jim D Serpent's Blood

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

Lisa, you tell your story very well, I find it easy to follow, almost as if I'm watching a movie and these, to me, are the best kind. I've placed it on my watchlist so that I will be able to give it the attention that it deserves. Backed.

Great story..Original world creation...Shelved.
I´m curious about this anti-evil crusade. a fine idea
but seems impossible to achieve. All the best with it.
Mkell....The Free

Interesting premise.

From a theological point of view I considered whether one could fight evil without the recognition of it. Anyway, I began reading chapter 11. I think you have a clear writing style. I like it. I like that you’re a thorough writer. You keep your tenses consistent. You have a authoritative narrative voice. I think some of your dialogue seems stilted. Almost like a romance novel. Perhaps that’s your intention. I think it distracts for the characters and makes them distant and cold. But I don’t read sci-fi or romance novels and so I maybe unfamiliar with the format of the genre.

Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

Conflict of Hope:

Lisa, as I’m the ninth of thirteen I found this first chapter particularly interesting even though I don’t normally read sci-fi; but as it’s after midnight, I’ll back it now and come back to continue reading. Loved the way the children trotted along with the mother, all holding hands with a younger sibling. :o)

All the best,

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Indeed a a very different world. A world that one can easly get lost in ^^

Spledidly writen with an interesting premise.

This is an interesting plot, as described in your pitch. You have created a whole new world, and exercised much imagination in doing so. Eldriana is a believable heroine, and as you tell us about her trips to the market with her mother, holding onto the hand of her next oldest brother, you bring the setting to life with the details you give us about the market stalls and the people. The episode when the strange man chases Eldriana and she is rescued by the soldiers is dramatic and exciting. Then comes the arrival of Exandril and his news. Suddenly Eldriana's whole family has been captured, and she is forced to flee for her life with Exandril. Her dream of her father, when he explains a little of what's happening, is well portrayed. Your characters are interesting and your style, while formal, is well suited to this fantasy. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

This book is among the most exceptional sci-fi I've read -- and I normally don't read that genre in everyday life! The writing is smooth and flows well, the characterization spot on, and the pace just right. On my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Good work, Lisa. Watchlisted to move up to my shelf...Cynthia Drew, author, Tabernacle and Stealing First

Well done Lisa, you have created an exceptionally readable Sci/Fi, Fantasy here. You write very well and make your characters stand out, describing everything in an easy clear way. I wish you all the best success with your book.
Backed
Norman. The Witch of Hambone Bk.3. And also, Muddledydo.

Hi Lisa! Your book is remarkable. Your premise is inspiring and intriguing, and your writing in your story is stellar. I love your descriptions, dialogue, and characters. You put a great deal of heart into your story and it shows. I hope your book can inspire people to be better people on our real world. And so, I pray that you get a book deal and have many fans of your great work! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

Your writing is very clear. Characters are very strong. Gosh even the man in the grocery store scared me. Backed with pleasure. Good luck. Lisa

Interesting premise. I will put this on my watchlist to read later on this week.

All the best

George Fripley
(Wurzel of CLutton)