Book Jacket

 

rank 3409
word count 45979
date submitted 16.02.2010
date updated 19.10.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Fantasy, Horror
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Kingdom Within

Luke Bramley

Lost in a flooded world and looking for parents who may already be dead, Drian must return to his pregnant wife before it’s too late.

 

Drian is asked to leave by his wife, Ruth and moves back in with his parents. When Ruth goes into labour, his parents accompany him to the hospital. However, his car careens off the road and into a stream and Drian slips into a coma to the sound of his parents’ screams.

Drian ‘wakes’ tied to a wheel, drowning in a violent sea. He’s rescued by the Keeper who tells him he was on a boat with his parents. Drian begins to search for them. The novel then switches back and forth––from the present, where Ruth gives birth to a baby girl––to Drian’s drowned world, which slowly fills with characters borrowed from his hospital bedside, including Frank, a supposed friend, who soon becomes far too friendly with Ruth. She, in the meantime, reads a poem to Drian, leading him home.

‘The Kingdom Within’ explores ideas of breakdown and regrowth, both global and personal. Drian goes through life ignorant of everyday fears; Ruth, on the other hand, is all too conscious of them, especially after becoming pregnant. This novel slowly draws them together as they shed illusion and disillusionment in order to face the evil threatening their family.

 
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tags

armaggedon, chaos theory, childhood, division, horror, imagination, love

on 17 watchlists

102 comments

 

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A G Chaudhuri wrote 141 days ago

WOW !!!

That's all I have to say. I'm surprised that more people haven't backed this book yet.
Are you sure you're promoting it well ?
I don't see any reason why this won't reach the ED, Luke.
'The force is strong with you.'

Best regards,
AGC

stephen racket wrote 373 days ago

An effective and unusual opening. I read and enjoyed the first two chapters. I thought the writing was very descriptive and vivid, bringing the scene to life. On my WL for further reading and well starred. Good luck with this.

billysunday wrote 487 days ago

Very interested and backed ready to read. The title intriques me. Are you referring to scripture...something like the "kingdom of heaven is within us"? If you have a chance, please check out 33 or Halo of the Damned. Dina

tomkepler wrote 497 days ago

Hey, Luke, logged back in after 4 months away. Evidently some new rules about monthly backing. (Have to read the FAQs.) Anyway, backed your great book again. By the by, my YA novel Love Ya Like a Sister will be on Amazon shortly.

Huseyin Angay wrote 617 days ago

Intriguing.

Good connection between D crashing his car with his hands on the steering wheel and then being discovered drowning, tied to the wheel of a boat.

It has certain echoes of Iain Banks' The Bridge in some ways, but that was more of a literary piece.
And that similarity brings me to one criticism I have of the manuscript: The first two chapters are truly over-written. There is a lot of flowery language more at home in a literary novel than in here. Simile after metaphor come thick and fast and make the reader stumble. And I suspect that's not your usual style, because once you ease up on the language from chapter 3 onwards, the text flows much more smoothly.

Backed for the plot. I would have backed it twice if it had not made me sweat so much in the first two chapters.

Best regards.
Huseyin
All Things Noble

Splinker wrote 670 days ago

Backed!
Splinker
B.D.S.T. II

tomkepler wrote 675 days ago

Luke, I've just read the authonomy Chapter 19, but for some reason the text begins as "Chapter 2."

Your description of the ambiance of the hospital is accurate and effective, and I really like the contrast between that description and the section with the ant, the sterile with the natural world.

Tom

hikey wrote 679 days ago

Far beyond your competition in this genre. The pace is fast and the twists plentiful. A must read.
Jane

Idea Girl Consulting wrote 683 days ago

i have backed your book the kingdom within looks like a cool thriller

Johanna Kern wrote 684 days ago

What a fascinating tale of how human consciousness creates worlds - to explore.

Luke, I complement you on the depths of your thoughts, the way you twist the reality for your protagonist, throw him in the midst of chaos, and let him figure this all out (including Keeper) :)

Two thumbs up!

Backed with pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope.

aomtg wrote 689 days ago

This reminds of of the sixth sense. Yet the plot is original in itself

udasmaan wrote 690 days ago

Fast like a flood and dramatic like drowining in it. fantastic and well done. backed

Shah

Cariad wrote 692 days ago

What fantastic use of words, especially the whole paragraph: 'When he next opened his eyes.... stars thistled the black......' really wonderfully putting together of ideas and images, takes you right into the water with him. I read your comments on my book, for which, thanks, and came to see what yours was like. I am putting it on my watchlist to read more of, but since its now twenty five to one, I best not get sucked in further tonight.

Redfae wrote 694 days ago

Your blurb is really well written and the first two chapters I read were so well described and gripping. I wish I had more time to read this but I have work tomorrow. Backed.

Despinas1 wrote 695 days ago

HI Luke, this is a poignant, beautiful piece of work. Though I have not read it, I have browsed through the first chapter. In truth it was your pitch that whisked me away. I have backed it with pleasure Luke, and will return with further comments once I have started reading. I have a few commitments at present, but I am getting there slowly.
Helen
The Last Dream

John Connor wrote 697 days ago

Reminds me a little of Donaldson's Thomas Covenant in some respects, with good elements of Stephen King as well. For me, the tension builds well, and I found I was interested in the characters enough to care about what happens to them. A really enjoyable read so far - and I would certainly like to see more.

Backed with pleasure.

Bookster wrote 699 days ago

I found myself considering the many thought provoking dialogue exchanges. This is a very visual book and dark in some ways. Very well written.

Eric Wilder - Prairie Sunset

Larry HCC wrote 700 days ago

Luke,
The Kindom Within - is a fantastic tragic storyline with so many differnt angles, which offer so many possibilities.
A man lost in his own imagination / dream and that the world he lives in is flooded.
Very different but very well written and with a good pace.
Pleasure to have backed for Larry
njoy *moods and expressions*

Gillespie915 wrote 700 days ago

This story has great potential. It has good structure, quality descriptions, and a style that keeps the reader hooked. A very good and exciting read. Backed with pleasure and confidence

GK Stritch wrote 700 days ago

Dear Luke Bramley,

Sorry to repeat what others have commented, but WHAT AN OPENING SCENE! I'm drenched and drained and only just begun. Armaggedon, chaos, horror, buckle up, Readers, you're in for one roiling ride.

Backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Rakhi wrote 701 days ago

Wow,this starts with a bang and we are straight into action. This is higly fast paced even with Drian in coma! The plot has a lot to offer with many twists and turns that keeps the reader on the edge. Your writing is vivid with lots of details and a great cast to keep things lively and interesting.
Backed with pleasure.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

Bob Avey wrote 701 days ago

I see potential here. It's on the shelf.

L.F. Moore wrote 702 days ago

This is beautifully and richly evoked. There's fantastic description blended very well with action.
I picked some specific stuff:
Paragraphs
1 It boiled continuously. = It boiled. Better?
5 he navigating - he navigatED

The tone of the whole prologue is rather intense. Yes, I know it's supposed to be dramatic - but every single sentence has three pieces of description in it. This may be a case of too much of a good thing and all that is required is a little pruning.

My big mission at the moment is to spread the word about prologues. Apparently publishers don't like them much (or so one told me) as they prefer the first chapters to flow as this helps ease the readers into the story.

Melanie Kendry The Boy Time Forgot

CraigD wrote 705 days ago

Interesting premise, and your opening describes well the panic and anxiety of a drowning experience. Your writing is lyrical and well suited to your narrative. I didn't see any technical weaknesses in it. Happy to back this for you.
Craig
The Job

Thetinman wrote 707 days ago

Thrilling intro here, survival as wave after wave crashed. Lots of questions led me into Ch 2, which was perfect, by the way. The dialogue, the old man, the questions just keep piling up. Your writing is excellent and I couldn’t catch any error – certainly nothing that stood out. Chapter 3 was even better, and your dialogue was excellent.
Luke, this is the beginning of a happy read for me, as I’ll be WL your book permanently until it’s read.
Backed of course.

Paul ( www.pauldaytonscifi.com )

We’ve Seen the Enemy

Samantha Cook wrote 709 days ago

Fantastic pitch - it sounds like a brilliant story. I think you've tried to tell the reader too much in the longer pitch, but nevertheless, I'm adding this one to my WL for later.

eloraine wrote 711 days ago

Love the pitch and the story is amazing, it's quite a ride, well done. Good luck with this. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

trainspotter wrote 711 days ago

Beautiful lyrical writing, laced with intrigue. Love the dialogue. This book instantly stands out from the crowd. I love it.
Backed x

Esrevinu wrote 714 days ago

Luke, I loved the intelligent descriptions and characterizations. This is my type of story. I appreciate the tone, writing style and the voice of the piece. I cannot wait to see this one published—you deserve it!
Best wishes
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Lockjaw Lipssealed wrote 715 days ago

I've several of the comments below, but mine will be my own. You have a poetic use of language and that can be both good and bad. I won't tell you how to write YOUR book, but I will say that lyrical prose can sometines confuse the reader...granted, those are usually lazy reader, but it happens.

My real crit with this would be my own confusion with what was happening. If I had not read your pitch, I don't think I would have understood all that was going on. That said, because I did read it, it helped me to get into the story much easier. You've taken on a complicated plot and from what I've read, it's done well.

One last thing...I noticed that some have pointed out the length of the book is a problem. A very famous publisher once said. " Beware of agents and publishers who criticize the portions of a book they've never read!"

Lockjaw

plip wrote 718 days ago

Nice enough, but a bit too wordy, especially in the dramatic circumstances. Too many descriptors weaken the impact that each might create if not crowded among so many others. Detail is good, but again, too much detail overwhelms us - think of the visual impact of a single drop of blood on a clean white sheet; now think of that same drop of blood on a white sheet covered by embroidered pink roses, red carnations, blue forget-me-nots and scattered potato chips. You would have to really pay attention to pick up on the blood in the second example, right?
Now of course your writing is not quite that flowery, but I do think a little pruning would greatly increase the impact of your words.
phil

Famlavan wrote 718 days ago

What an eloquent wordsmith, this needs backing just for your style!!
Your descriptive narrative is beautifully detailed.
One thing I did think is that has a lot of structure and depth to it. Great book – Good luck!

HG Ross wrote 719 days ago

Did you take the time to read your book over and over before you put it out for us to read? I have learned that is the biggest problem with some books. A writer must rewrite and rewrite and then rewrite again. It may not be big changes all the time; just think of how a few words will tell the tail instead of a whole paragraph. You have good skills, and a great imagination, which has a big part of being a great writer. That is what most writers want out of life. JKR rewrote her books many times before it went to publication; and she has the piles of paper to prove it. Keep up the good work and good luck. HG Ross

blueboy wrote 725 days ago

I though my book was long at around 450--I hope you realize you will have to do some serious editing to have this consider for publiscation, unless you are going to self-publish. all and all this was a good read. i only read the first three chapters but what i read was rather well put together. i did a little editing in my mind as i went along, and i can tell you this could be polished rather easily. you get a little bit too technical at times, when (in my opinion) you should just relax and flow with the story. let the gaps fill out in their own a good time. this was enjoyable to read, and the premise is interesting. if you manage to weave in a structured plot i can see this doing well here. and i wish you luck. baked....lol i mean backed

cheers
blueboy

Simon Law wrote 729 days ago

Thanks for your kind comments.
Been away for a few days.
Got back to the normal result of being away - not good.
I did enjoy what I could read of your book.
Internet connection is not great - no it is not good - bad - up here.
Not exactly what I would choose to read but so much better than much of the rest.
Moral? get stuck in and start pushing once again!
Best,
Simon Law

VintageDM wrote 729 days ago

Your verbiage is really impressive and unique. This is one of those books that I would read several times over and make notes in the margins! (I've only done that with my Kerouac books, so that's a big compliment from me!)

happarose wrote 731 days ago

I love the poetic nature of your writing, I was lost in the waves with your character. Good luck with it. Backed.
Pippa Jay (Keir)

BarryParham wrote 737 days ago

Beautiful language! "...stars thistled the black," "waves....glugged and shingled." And wonderful pacing, from the first sentence on. Looking forward to reading further in. Well done!

tomkepler wrote 738 days ago

"Drinkle bones felt glacial." Drinkle or Drinkle's?

Tom

tomkepler wrote 738 days ago

Luke,

I have re-read the first chapter, and it actually is just fine. I love your beautiful use of our language. "...rain so many splinters of glass and light." "...broken threads scattered silver into the dark." The problem for me is that your long, 200-word pitch for the book contains information that is not conveyed in the first chapter.

In the second paragraph of the pitch, the situation of the first chapter is explained, but it is much different than the narrative. There is a wooden wheel, not a car steering wheel, ocean waves rather than a swollen stream, spars and hemp rope rather than an automobile. This discrepancy caused confusion on my first reading. Perhaps the pitch should somehow help lessen that disparity even while providing an overview for the novel.

At any rate, your prose is lush leanness--clean-cut beauty, like a gemstone. I'm going to treat myself and take more time to read more of The Kingdom Within.

Tom Kepler
The Stone Dragon

Iapetus999 wrote 740 days ago

Interesting start.
The blurb is kind of a summary of the story. I would like it to be more of a teaser.
The text is excellent but drifts into the purple in places. The dialog is really good.
Backed!

Spellbound wrote 741 days ago

Your words flow beautifully, especially in the first chapter. The entire scene is well-versed and mesmerizing. Your pitch promises an interesting read and will definitely return to read more between finishing my own. Shelved.

April Ikner (Spell) (In Chains)

tomkepler wrote 742 days ago

Congratulations on your book's rise in the charts. I've been thinking about your first chapter--and about the first chapter of The Stone Dragon's sequel, Dragons of Blood and Stone. I think I have tried to do too much in my first chapter. Glimmer is swallowed into a hill beneath an ancient apple orchard. He dreams his dreams, dreams magically, dreams the dreams of the apple trees, and learns of his future responsibilities. Even I get lost in the rewrite.

For your novel, everything you mention in your pitch did not come across for me in the first chapter. Of course, your prose is beautiful--truly--and I got enough to move on the the second chapter, but perhaps you need to simplify so that the reader comprehends all that you introduce. I know now that I have to do that with the introductory chapter of DBS.

I think that is one of the benefits of reading here at authonomy. We get to view many different styles and possibilities. All the best to you. (I'm in my last month of school. Crazier every day!)
Tom Kepler

mvw888 wrote 743 days ago

I was drawn in by your story immediately. The initial scene, with the black waves crashing and only Drian's tumultuous thoughts to guide us, was dramatic and riveting indeed. And the ensuing scenes, with the mysterious Keeper, are equally enthralling. Your attention to detail--sights, smells, the feel of the place--is wonderful. All very mysterious yet anchored in a certain homeyness with the house and its inhabitants. I like that Drian can only remember half of his name (as though half alive) and that he is renamed for this new existence by the Keeper. You pepper your detailed scenes with moments of gravity--"a man with no past has no regrets"--obviously, this is a multi-leveled work by an accomplished writer. I was into Chapter 5 before I knew it. Very well done.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Su Dan wrote 743 days ago

you are most certainly a writer and a good one at that. you are on my watchlist for now, sure to back...
su dan ...read SEASONS...

donnaburgess wrote 743 days ago

Terrific eye for detail. Your description placed me right in the chaos. Great job on your pitch--you hooked me in an instant, so I can imagine you'll have no trouble hooking an agent or editor, also.

Backed!

Donna Burgess (Darklands)

Bill Carrigan wrote 744 days ago

Hello Luke,

After reading your first chapter and several others at random, I can see that "The Kingdom Within" is a cohesive, imaginative thriller. The style is poetic but gripping, and the action advances relentlessly, building tension and weaving intrigue so that each page, each chapter impels us onward. We gradually form an image of the protagonist from within his psyche, through his observations and thoughts, and share with him the mystery as it forms. It's an intense way of presenting a dark reality. And this reader, having revisited Chapter 1, will pause to back the book, planning to read on consecutively.

With best wishes, Bill Carrigan ("The Doctor of Summitville")

Chris_hstrswy wrote 745 days ago

A great sense of imagery early on and an impressive synopsis, I like the idea of this second reality from the main characters coma and how each person that he encounters in this state plays a part. Looking forward to reading more given the time.
My only hopefully constructive criticism would be to possibly use less in the way of metaphors or similes when describing situations and maybe concentrate more on the characters emotion or thoughts at that time.

Becca wrote 750 days ago

This is an amazing well-crafted story. Each word seems carefully selected, like you are reading a work of art, but at the same time simple enough that it doesn't distract from the story. A beautiful balance. "Moon pressed it's stamp upon the clouds" I LOVE that. Clever. All your lines are.

The last line confused me.... I thought you were trying to say back and forth... but you were describing the action of eyes (rolling back) and the action of his mouth (froth jerking from it).... I'm wondering if another word might be better there though?

Anyway, this is really amazing overall. Already Backed.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Luk7 wrote 750 days ago

The Kingdom Within - Luke Bramley
Unusual novel with a surprisingly poetic style. Great attention to detail and craft in each sentence. Drian's coma dream sequences are so strange and lovely to read that it's no surprise he's not in a hurry to regain consciousness. This is contrasted nicely with his wife's urgent need for him to wake up again and see their child.

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