First Floor on Fire

FIRST FLOOR ON FIRE:

Michael,

Wow! Can you write!

From line one, I was transported into another world. The immediacy of your prose, the authentic dialogue, the starkness of your observations that ring with truth and anger - this is so impressive. I can see it on a film already, so better you start writing the film script pronto.

Yesterday's over-eighteens are today's fifteens and sixteens, so yes, I think this can be for them too. They see everything they want to see on the internet anyway. Why deprive them of such a brilliant book?

Backed with admiration,
Sheila (Pinpoint)

First Floor on Fire
Michael Russell

Fantastic cover! Love the vibrant mix of closely associated colours and the abstract images. What they suggest to me I can't say here - except that it reflects appropriately what I read, visual matching the literary. Real art as is your literary piece here. Pitches firstly - people here may not like the fact that some of it reads like a review - I'm not bothered by it, but my own first pitch read like a review and, well, I changed it several times after complaints that it read like a review. So, you may want to look at this, or not. This is a clever, necessary piece because a lot of it is founded in harsh reality which many of us don't want to be true - but, these sorts of curcumstances exist and in some places, are overwhelming. I think this will have broader appeal if it is tagged as universal. The fact that is it's a story about a teenaged girl doesn't make it by that fact alone, YA. This is engaging - eye-opening, and I might need some strong liquor and possible therapy to read all of this in one go. "Nobody got no business getting in my face" - there's a lot of anger from the start. You've created a mirror here - an effective one where social, familial, perhaps even spiritual and political, truths reflect themselves. This is the kind of writing that responsible and good authors engage in - they record and reflect society. I feel strongly that this is an excellent piece which will go places. I have no editorial advise but you will encounter many "experts" here who will help with this aspect of your writing. This is going on my page so it can be recommended to others. Impressive, substantial and necessary writing.
Best,
Zan

Michael, this is remarkably strong and effective writing. It's not light reading, that's for sure. You use words like a rapper on speed, spitting them out relentlessly. It's a tough life, portrayed by an uber-tough MC, ranting at the world. I appreciate a YA readership can handle tough themes, but when I reached chapter three, a great line here 'fire cutting my soul down past my marrow,' I thought you perhaps should reconsider the classification. If they want to read it, they'll read it, that's obvious, ut getting it to that stage may require a subtle approach. I'd pitch this as adult, and amend to classification from moderate to adult as well as it will remove any potential problems ahead.
Very strong writing, a fabulously enraged MC in Nevaya and cutting-edge dialogue. Backed, empatically.
Jared
Mummy's Boy.

Hi Michael, this is so good it should be in print already! Your explicit use of language is not the least bit artificial or demonstrative. It just fits the story with a kind of sculptured perfection. Backed, Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Quite the interesting voice for literary fiction, but I love the honesty of the character, and a very interesting voice. I probably wouldn't want to read a book with a main character who uses the word "boo", but I have to admit I haven't seen that slang used in a book before and that definitely lends to the voice and gives it originality. The writing here is exceptional, and I hope this does as well as it deserves!

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Your opening line hooked me. Your brilliant, dynamic story grabbed me and kept me riveted. Credible characters. Crisp dialogue. Confident narrative. Only one nit: Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse reduces their effectiveness. Other than that, this is vital writing. I absolutely love this masterfully executed story. Backed.

Incredible,your writing is so real and gritty. Not sure what research was done but, sadly, I'm sure it's spot on. Sad to think that kids grow up like Nevaya, coming from a purely "white" upbringing. Not that I was sheltered, but I was in a way to this type of life. She seems to want more from life but her circumstances make it difficult. Kill or be killed.

Wonderful and happily backed
Denise

Thank you very much , Denise.

My research was my experience teaching five years in a Philly high school much like the one Nevaya attends. I hope I did right by my kids with my novel.

Incredible,your writing is so real and gritty. Not sure what research was done but, sadly, I'm sure it's spot on. Sad to think that kids grow up like Nevaya, coming from a purely "white" upbringing. Not that I was sheltered, but I was in a way to this type of life. She seems to want more from life but her circumstances make it difficult. Kill or be killed.

Wonderful and happily backed
Denise

Hi Michael, Nevaya's and the principal's perspectives ring with voice. The inside of the inner city school is glimpsed from both sides. It's interesting how James' POV is somewhat didactic, sure of his own goodness while Nevaya protects herself. The story surges to confrontation. Well-done! Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Michael

This feels so real. The voice is amazing and Nevaya is a hugely sympathetic character in spite of all the brawling and the bad language. Your experience in that hard school in Philadelphia really comes through. I think it would have an audience with teenagers. They probably wish that people wrote books like this for them, that could really speak to them. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

First Floor Fire
Backed with pleasure
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

I like the first person narrative, the extremely fast pace and the immediate tension the first chapter brings. It's apparent to the reader this will be quite a story. Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

Excellent voice and cracking pace. writing feels very polished and engaging. Backed.

btw my personal feeling is it should be written as an adult book and let younger people be drawn to it. Once I reached 16 I would never bother with a 'kid's' book.

your quick paced narrative, really does work for this book. it flow well, is easy to read. great story telling...on watchlist...
su dan...read SEASONS...

Hi Michael,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

You are so totally fantastic, Michael! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
Love, Susie :)

You realistic, life-like writing style makes this finely crafted novel a pleasure to read. You are very unique on this site. Your work is well paced, well writen and your use of imagery is excellent. You would have to dummy down the book, thus taking away some of the realism, to classify your book as young adult. Keep it in the adult section. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Dear Michael, I love that you have broached the subject on a lot of levels - it's touchy & hard to communicate - you have done a very good job of relating feelingss & problems of the underdog. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Love Nevaya's voice in First Floor on Fire, and the informal rhythms and rhymes that creep in - "heart drumming, keep runnin, keep it coming..." and all the action you show here. James Price's voice, in stark contrast, is quite oppressively full of I, I , I -- but this seems to fit with his missionary zeal in the synopsis, so I think it is working too. I think you get away with being so much inside his head after all that action, because his thoughts resonate with what we have seen through Nevaya's point of view.
I agree this book could interest late teens, though a late teen I asked about Precious said it looked like a really important film from the trailer, but given the option she'd choose to see something more escapist instead. I wonder who buys issue-based teen books - the teens or the parents? Still as long as it sells, and finds an audience...does that matter?

I cannot handle the slang and dialects at all. You compare the book to the series 'The Wire' which suffered from the same disease. In fact all you have created is another episode of that series. Why deliberately restrict your reading audience? Try to find an authentic voice which allows everyone into your story,. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

It's fine if you don't like my novel, but all audiences are restricted. Even Avatar was not seen by the majority of the population. In my opinion, employing a "neutral" voice for this story would have been very inauthentic.

I cannot handle the slang and dialects at all. You compare the book to the series 'The Wire' which suffered from the same disease. In fact all you have created is another episode of that series. Why deliberately restrict your reading audience? Try to find an authentic voice which allows everyone into your story,. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

I nearly turned this down right away as definitely not my taste. And yet it gets the reader involved, and more, - I think it's an important novel, which is why I have backed it. Marj.

First Floor on Fire represents a genre that I would not normally read and certainly not by choice. It is undeniably confrontational and violent. It is earthy and much of the dialogue is 'robust' to say the least. It has an abrasive quality that is intimidating. All these are factors that make the MS so riveting and authentic providing a compulsive read for a modern YA audience. Backed. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Honestly? Not for me. It's a personal thing - and it ain't my joy to read this ruff stuff.

Getting over that, there IS a powerful emotion in this writing. It is urging for a life and should be released.

Backed. Good luck.
Philip (Interview With An Angel)

First Floor on Fire
Michael Russell

Fantastic cover! Love the vibrant mix of closely associated colours and the abstract images. What they suggest to me I can't say here - except that it reflects appropriately what I read, visual matching the literary. Real art as is your literary piece here. Pitches firstly - people here may not like the fact that some of it reads like a review - I'm not bothered by it, but my own first pitch read like a review and, well, I changed it several times after complaints that it read like a review. So, you may want to look at this, or not. This is a clever, necessary piece because a lot of it is founded in harsh reality which many of us don't want to be true - but, these sorts of curcumstances exist and in some places, are overwhelming. I think this will have broader appeal if it is tagged as universal. The fact that is it's a story about a teenaged girl doesn't make it by that fact alone, YA. This is engaging - eye-opening, and I might need some strong liquor and possible therapy to read all of this in one go. "Nobody got no business getting in my face" - there's a lot of anger from the start. You've created a mirror here - an effective one where social, familial, perhaps even spiritual and political, truths reflect themselves. This is the kind of writing that responsible and good authors engage in - they record and reflect society. I feel strongly that this is an excellent piece which will go places. I have no editorial advise but you will encounter many "experts" here who will help with this aspect of your writing. This is going on my page so it can be recommended to others. Impressive, substantial and necessary writing.
Best,
Zan

Great premise, wonderfully realised. Gritty vernacular, realistic characterisation. I would have loved it as a teenager.

First Floor Fire

Very impressive opening, gritty, hard short sharp dialogue, very intense.
The narrative grounds the piece and helps drive the storyline along. This is strong urban literature at it’s very best with brilliant characterisation!

There's good writing here. Like the way your dialogue is always short and to the point. A lot of young adults will be able to readily relate to Nevaya as she struggles with all these problems at school. Should it be a young adult or adult book? I think the language cancels it out as young adult (12 fucks in the first chapter is about 12 too many) to rate as young adult. For adults, tho, it's a good read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt)

Not sure how I missed this one, or if I did back it and forgot. But this is very well written and exciting. You've got a great narrative voice and it grabs the reader right away. Good luck with this, I think it's going to do well here or in the real world!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Great voice, and some great lines - my fave in ch 1: slashed open my calm. Backed.
Cheers, and thanks for the shelf.
Simon

Michael, your first chapter is a smooth read. Good true-to-life narrative and dialogue. Nothing to nitpick in that section.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

FIRST FLOOR ON FIRE:

Michael,

Wow! Can you write!

From line one, I was transported into another world. The immediacy of your prose, the authentic dialogue, the starkness of your observations that ring with truth and anger - this is so impressive. I can see it on a film already, so better you start writing the film script pronto.

Yesterday's over-eighteens are today's fifteens and sixteens, so yes, I think this can be for them too. They see everything they want to see on the internet anyway. Why deprive them of such a brilliant book?

Backed with admiration,
Sheila (Pinpoint)

The number of comments below says it all really - The very first sentence tells us this is an angry and powerful work. The descrition of Chardaes death, an angry girl - what a good read.
backed with pleasure
Hatts

First Floor on Fire:

Michael,

The first chapter is gritty, raw but eminently realistic and the colloquial language register of the narrator's voice mirrors the edginess of his life and background.
The dialogue is natural and spontaneous and really carries the narrative, so you avoid cumbersome back story.
When Chardae meets his demise as 'nothing but a melted puddle of blood, skin and glass,' the realism reaches a climax but as the narrator reflects 'the whole world hates me..'I want to read on to see how far he is redeemable within the storyline as you've already set it out in your intriguing synopsis.
Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Hi Michael
I love it! It's a really original idea. I think if you market it as over 18, the 15-17 year olds would read it anyway, but maybe not vice versa?
Good luck with it
DP Walker
Five Dares

This is good--I read Chapter 1. At first I thought I wasn't going to be able to finish it--it's difficult to pick up the rhythm with certain dialects, but you got it. I'll come back for more chapters soon.

Cully

This is good. It's well written and she seems real to me (although we're pretty short of African American females round here) and, as others have said, her violence is very evident. I think it would probably stress me out to read much more but provoking a reaction is what a novel's all about, so that's fine. Backed,

The aggression leaps off the page here. The emotional havoc this wreaks on both the players and the reader is potent stuff indeed. It is hard to deny prose so forceful, and you have wrapped your seething tale around an engrossing plot. Shelved.

-j

Hi, I agree with the other comments about the anger. It comes through strongly. Good luck

Urban-Lit full of power and anger which I fully felt.
Backed!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.

Every morning I eat puppies on toast. :)
This is angry and real and real angry.

Well done.

Backed,
Dan-
Eunice Stubbins, among others...

This is superb. Not just because I have lived in Philly and love the city but the interesting thing is I thought it was written by a woman(I mean that in a good way) because it is so character driven from a female standpoint that it didn't seem possible your name could be Michael. Anyway - this has huge market potential. Urban literature is very in right now. Stick with it cause i believe you have something really great here! BACKED

You will definitely appreciate The Cheech Room - another of the young adult stories here that doesn't have dragons and vampires but rather a real life situational novel. Take a look when you have a chance and thanks for your wonderful story contribution here to this site.

Michael

My boo died a year ago today. .....(I didn't know what this meant, I think this should be clearer......My boo, could be a person, an animal, or your mc's heart and soul)....

You have a very POWERFUL writing voice, but if I'm honest, at times I felt a bit overwhelmed and shouted at.....But I am a romantic comedy writer, so I suppose you'd want to be shouting at me......

That said, this is written to pace, with an even balance of dialogue versus narrative.....I like that you use dialogue to craft plot development, by that I mean I connected more with the characters by what they said as opposed to any information you provided in backdrop.....

You use the word 'bitches' 10 times in loaded chapter one......I dont have a problem with the word at all, I just think you could call the stupid bitches something else now and again....

Shelved of course,,,,,There is much to commend....

Michael,
I really like your premise behind your story. This is extremely well written and well thought out. Personally, I found the dialogue a bit over bearing I think you should tune it down a bit. Just my personal opinion. I am not from Philadelphia but I am wondering do people actually talk like this? Backed. Lisa

Michael, this is remarkably strong and effective writing. It's not light reading, that's for sure. You use words like a rapper on speed, spitting them out relentlessly. It's a tough life, portrayed by an uber-tough MC, ranting at the world. I appreciate a YA readership can handle tough themes, but when I reached chapter three, a great line here 'fire cutting my soul down past my marrow,' I thought you perhaps should reconsider the classification. If they want to read it, they'll read it, that's obvious, ut getting it to that stage may require a subtle approach. I'd pitch this as adult, and amend to classification from moderate to adult as well as it will remove any potential problems ahead.
Very strong writing, a fabulously enraged MC in Nevaya and cutting-edge dialogue. Backed, empatically.
Jared
Mummy's Boy.

This is scary right from the start. Angry people terrify me. They often seem to stop at nothing. Would have shelved for the MC alone even if the writing weren't excellent, which it is. Everyone had better beware of her!

Bill

Wonderful voice. The prose flows well. I admire the way you've caught the unsophisticated voice of the main character without making the narrative voice sound unintelligent. Quite a lot of skill involved in that! Backed.

Michael, your opening line cuffs the reader by the back of the nick and jams their nose closer to the page. Good one! Your unusual, rat-a-tat staccato style never lets up. Through Nevaya you give us a deep look inside the head of an angry young girl. And you can understand why she is the way she is. Only nit I have (subjective of course) is that the fight thing goes on a bit too long. Other than that, I think you're onto something here. I think the YA crowd just might eat this up. On my shelf.
Thomas J Winton
"Beyond Nostalgia"

Very emotionally charged write, bakced

A strong, moving story on a life lived under the most inhuman of conditions. Well written. Backed.

The hardness of her life shows through instantly. Her voice is so real, I find it hard to love her in the start. But as I continued, I saw more glimpses of this beaten down girl and my heart opened.
Will want to read more to see her transformation.
Backed,
Ellen
(Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

Absolutely stunning. The use of the vernacular in this is spectacular. The characterization - vivid.

My backing and brief comment are an opening gambit. I value honest opinions of my work and want you to feel safe in giving me one. I'd be happy to read more of this. If you want more, just ask.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Great writing. Felt as if I was really there.
Backed.
Andrea. Breach Of Faith.