The Tales of Pallenlyre

Dear John, I love fiction, fantasy, & Christian. :) Your story is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Please take a moment to BACK my TWO Books, ... "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" ... and the UNEDITED version? ... "Tell Me True Love Stories"
Thanks, Susie :)

Hi, John

The first couple of chapters are nicely written. Your dialogue is entertaining and your characters appealing.
Backed.

Rachel

This is a wonderful read, everything fantasy writing should be, but so often fails to be.
I have to say, i agree with what has been said about the long pitch, if this hadn't been recommended to me by at least one of the commenters below I might well have over looked it, which would have been my loss.
I'm happy to back this for the depth of imagination it holds and the excellence of the writing.
good luck.

Hi John,

I already backed the book but have returned to comment.

This is beautifully written. Loved the opening, it really grabbed my attention right away and made me want to read on. Good characterisation and authentic dialogue. This is a fascinating read and quite the page turner.

Very well written.

Shinzy :)

Hi John,
rather than read a lot, I prefer to go through one chapter in more detail, so I'll go for chap 5:
The Starlight Monks: excellent name, really evokes atmosphere.
Why not have dialogue between Rayl and Aveluth? Rather than indirect speech, which distanced me somewhat from the story.
Nice conflict between Deluk and Madwynne during their argument.
"Yes. Yes," Deluk said - remove this 2nd 'Deluk said' - not needed here.
I'm very intrigued by the Starlight Monks.
A kitten is also peaceful - brilliant!
You're building real atmosphere into this story. I'm into it.
practiced his magic -> practised (verb is with 's')
Roura's attack on Agianarka and the subsequent battle with the wolves is good. And I understand this is a tale being told, but I think you can ramp up the action, rather than just listing the individual moments of the battle.
Madwynne's spirit trying to get back inside her body is a great idea.
practicing magicians -> practising (same reason)
You know your style and you've created a very atmospheric read, John. So, it's on my shelf.
Cheers,
Simon

Really well-written and enjoyable. There's probably a technical term for the style of narration but to me it "feels like a faerie tale" - a stately, classic style. I've only got one tiny comment - repetition of "He's a good liar" when Balder is talking. I particularly like the way you convey the colours and sensations of autumn. Best of luck, kittykat

I just caught, out of the corner of my eye, the first few words of the comment by Lynn. I agree entirely, being an old codger who is into being young at heart, although feeling a bit of age at the moment. I love this book. there are lots of one liners which catch the eye and mind. Like the sparrow leaving a white streak on the table as it flew away in fright! It is little things like this that make for a good read, all these little things add up and keep the interest of the reader. Well written and full of good things. Good Luck John. Backed earlier, I am gradually catching up with my comments, but no doubt will get behind again, reading all these good books.
Norman. The Witch of Hambone Bk.3. And Muddledydo.

Why should YA have all the best books? I love this for it's truth and beauty, to quote someone. It could be a classic when most of the others have fallen to bits. But as a Christian writer, I hope you're prepared to be dealt with like the mother at the beginning of your story. It's the age of the Inquisition,after all. Backed. Lynn

Kudos, John, on a nicely scripted, well developed story! I should think that your book would be a fan favorite among those who enjoy the works of: Tolkien, Lewis, and Rowling... and for anyone who appreciates quality fantasy! Professional! Keep fighting the good fight! Backed!

Shalom!

Teric Darken (K - I - L - L FM 100: "Music to Die For!")

John, so glad you pointed this out to me. Read to chapter 4. You write crisply and your dialogue sparkles. Your characters are well realised and your settings descriptive but not overpowering. Looking forward to reading more as time permits. Jim D Serpent's Blood

SHELVING you because Tim did. I can use your comments on my book when you can get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

These stories are told with gusto and with heart. I'm not sure how far they will get on Authonomy (since I have seen a considerable amount of antiChristian sentiment here), but I have shelved them and I wish you well. As I mentioned before, CSL is one of my all-time favorites ever since I read an essay of his from Rehabilitations, and I have a large shelf of his books, many of which I have read 3x or more.

And I think Chesterton's Father Brown stories may be the best short detective yarns extant.

Bill

Hi John, Ribald and quirky characters. Olrik following the food and involving himself in a feud reminds me of the poor adventurer that is in a Grimm's fairytale. These are wily people and while it feels medieval, reality is also there. The queen's household is very amusing. Liked her character and then the argument about magicians and the threat of being turned into a sow was witty. So far, the plot turning on food is satisfying. The stories are longish but I see they're tending for the YA group. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I read the first three chapters. This is extremely good writing and your dialogue is tight. The world you created is vibrant, creative, and full of wonder.

Very nice. Backed.

Natalie

i can't do much but nit pick here. Your writing is very clean. You wrote "Bander's got the sword," He said as he came up to her. It's a typo I'm guessing as the rest of the time you would lower case the "he" in your writing in that instance.
This was a very clever opening chapter. It's unlike anything I have read before. For some reason, stories with orphans intrigue me.
I thought you showed the dialogue between Olrik and Bander very well. Their voices came out very clear and unique to each of them. Bander takes advantage of the orphan boy who is only doing what he must to survive. but there is still a bit of charm to Bander.
This is a great story, and it was asimply through your pleasure to read. I got a great feel for the story choice and characters.

Shelved. You will do well here!

xBeccaX
The First Phoenix

Can't think of anything clever or original to say. Good on ya.

I'd be happy to read more of this. If you want anything in particular, just ask.

Backing outright because I value honest opinions of my work and want you to feel safe in giving me one.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

In a fiercely competetive genre you need something to lift it above the mire...this has!
Backed.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.

Hi John.

I have to agree with jhoom's comment below - your pitch really does need work! You need to look at it from a prospective reader's point of view, give them a flavour of your writing, entice them in with snippets from your tales. No one likes to be *told* what they will experience - they want to be drawn in, ensnared by the power of your words.

I read chapter one first because that is what I would look at in a bookstore if the blurb caught my interest. I enjoyed the story once I got into it but I'm not sure that a poem is the right way to begin. Anyone who doesn't enjoy poetry might be instantly turned off. I also thought that your style is very detached - it gives the reader no sense of involvement. I think you should decide whose viewpoint you're telling the story from, because in fact you use every character's viewpoint which is very distracting!
I also read chapter two, and I must say that I really liked the ending!

Your pitch says that the book is aimed at a YA audience but I'm not sure that the writing and content achieve the aim. Some of the concepts expressed are quite sophisticated, yet some of the writing is not. However, I did find a rather nice blend of rhythm and a sense of mysticism in the tales, which combine to give quite a unique flavour. If you could work on some of the less balanced parts I think the work would be improved.

You could also do with a good proofreader, as I saw some edits.
'stabbed, burned, drowned...which was sufficient to end her life'...I should think they would be!
'off of him'...*Off of* is very bad grammar.
"you're hair"...Should be *your*.
"It's dirty blonde.." I can't imagine any youngster actually saying those words.
rotten then the buildings.. *than* the buildings.
He looked into his lap...He's standing, and you only have a lap when you're sitting.
'cheerful teeth'...Can you have cheerful teeth?
put his hands on his head and swung his sword...I'm not sure that's even possible. It certainly wouldn't be effective!

Having said all that, I do think your Tales have potential so I am happy to back the book.
All the best,
Cas.
KING'S ENVOY

Hi John. I have read a chapter and will be back with a more detailed comment. I almost skipped past your book as the pitch didn't quite work for me. I like the start of the short pitch - until you added YA and delightful. I think the long pitch should be more about the book and less about what you expect readers to want, if that makes any sense. The Starlight Monks chapter was a lot more engaging than the pitch and I would hate you to miss gaining readers attention. I am sure people with more experience in writing pitches will give you their feedback. Cheers!