Golden Conspiracy - A Jacsen Kidd Mystery

An intense adventure. You skillfully captured my attention, and then my mind. Relatable characters. Arresting settings. Authentic dialogue. Accomplished storytelling. Artful writing. Backed.

globe trotting epic that ehoes james Bond meets Indiana Jones with a touch of Pirates of the carribean, very fast paced with plenty of good mystery and action mixed with a dynamic set if protaganists and villains across time itself. i love stories where actions in the past decide the fate of the present day and how people are fascinated vby the lost treasures of yesterday and the lengths they will go to to obtain them. it's fun, unpredictble, furious. Backed.

Good evening ;0)

.."feeling as if someone had poured hot gravel under his eyelids."
What a fantastic opening line, I can feel his pain and can almost register the grating as my eyes move onto the next sentence.
Chapter One: Liko is a god-fearing native and so is Felippe (a conquistador) and yet here is where their similarity ends. Liko believes that his brush with the feeding sharks has rendered him immortal. However, when he meets Felipe, surely a God in truth, he is tempted to take the 'sun' worn around the God's neck, for his own. He is justly rewarded... But Felipe is not a God, and he dies at the end of chapter one.

The change of timescale in Chapter two rushes the story into the cold light of modern day. A harsh reality where people, archaeologists and historians, speak of times gone by irreverently.

This story is a great one, told by an accomplished storyteller. I can see myself with others circling a campfire in celtic britain while the bard tells us the stories of all time.
I will read the rest later, but I wanted to comment now... Backed!
Millie x
ps, your story hasn't frightened me, but I am afraid that I "I may be hooked for life"

The first chapter is very well written. Rich scene setting. Starting with the conquistador, post-shipwreck, was an excellent way to squarely place the reader in this world. Your language and characterizations were spot-on and obviously well-researched without making the cardinal error of some writers who seem to want to prove to their readers how much they know rather than how well they tell a story. It's a fine line to walk, but you walked it.

Backed.

Kevin ("The Fall of Jasper McCaine")

Robert, your vote still counts. Please have a look at my message to you. Thanks, Pia

This is great stuff! Deserves to be in bookshops. Not much more I can add. All the best with Golden Conspiracy.
Jonny Sambuca
No Exit ta Bleak City

Wow, the cover, and the premise had me hooked. I love this kind of adventure, and you have done a superb job here. This is what a good thriller is all about, and your talent for writing is showcased well. Congratulations. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

This caught me by surprise on multiple levels. The title hinted nothing of the opening setting. Your depiction of how each man encounters the storm is remarkable. The detail reflected in their respective cultures contains rich insights. Then the cultures meet in startled amazement, each man appealing to his notion of God/gods. Terrific.

Jedah Mayberry
-Slow Train Comin'

Gripping stuff. Great interactions between characters, and a jolly good read. Backed with pleasure.
Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

An intense adventure. You skillfully captured my attention, and then my mind. Relatable characters. Arresting settings. Authentic dialogue. Accomplished storytelling. Artful writing. Backed.

Hi Robert,
What a great story. Really like the Clussler-esk historic opening scene in Molokai. I can see by CH 2 and 3 you have a great character development talent as well. This work should continue to see upward movement on this site. Backed.

If you can give my story a read and comments I would appreciate it! Read the Foreword and keep that formula in mind as you read the story. I would really like your comments on Ch 7 with my fictional peoples but start at Ch6 for better lead in from the main story.

Regards,
River

The Secret Snow

Well written and a very interesting story line. Backed with pleasure

I enjoyed this even though I only managed the first chapter.

Robert,
This isn't usually a genre that I would find interesting, but you've quite intriguied me with this piece. It's reminiscent of papers that I have written for a past mythology class. =) I just skimmed over the first chapter, but the last sentence, "...the conquistador who had fought so valiantly for survival, would rest for centuries." caught my eye and raised an eyebrow and now I want to go back and read it thoroughly!

Amanda
The Awakening

Hi Robert

What a terrific exotic action-packed opening, with very effective uses of the pov switch, and a well-painted detailed and imagined depiction of the setting and the action. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

Backed with pleasure
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Wonderful, Robert. Love the genre to begin with. I'm not a critic, just a scriptwriter who can appreciate a good visual. Yours in terrific. Backed.

sincerely,
jim
jack & charmian london

i love your writing style; your beautiful descriptions appeal to the poet in me. 'tinctured with florid imagination' - wonderful.

Your characters are well drawn and the introductory scenes beautifully descriptive. Lost gold...a pirate...and gourmet food. What more can we want, for a rollicking adventure?

I see one error in the first chapter:
"I dedicated my life to my master, and the reward of twenty years' loyal service will make me rich..."
This should read "...the reward for twenty years' service..." Otherwise the twenty years' service becomes the reward. Some reward!

You've made a great start here. Good luck!

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From The Beginning)

Robert, clean, powerful prose, fine pace. and a fine storyline, the intersection of treasure and blood.
you open with a time and place i hunger to read about, about 270 years before capt cook met his death. you've taken me there. thank you.
on my shelf.
very best wishes, andy

I really liked the first chapter, an interesting construction of the clash between two cultures. Liked the changes of POV, though this might become a little tiresome if carried on too far, which you haven't. There does seem to be one small inconsistency in this plan - the para. that begins "Just in front of them, Liko heard..." is a sudden jump from the POV of Felipe to that of Liko, without the little section breaks you have added.
I was less interested once the story moved to the present day, but that is probably to do with my own interests being more toward the historical.
One final suggestion - the changes of font are a bit distracting, and the one you start with is not very attractive. Backed, and best wishes with this. Nathan

Hello Robert, I love this. I am sure I'll read the lot. It's actually the first time when reading through books on this site that I haven't cringed at some overdone metaphor or clumsy grammar or .. I wish you luck with this story. Did you finish the novel (apart from what you posted here)? Even the Spanish is correct. Even in the master's (of the genre) books foreign languages are either badly spoken or badly researched and the terrible mistakes hurt. Backed wihtout reservation.
Rose Mary
Coming up for Air

There is some pretty epic, beautiful writing here. I especially liked the first line (I'm a sucker for the perfect first line) and I love yours. When I find the time, I shall definitely read more.

Backed.
Melissa
Burns Like the Sun

globe trotting epic that ehoes james Bond meets Indiana Jones with a touch of Pirates of the carribean, very fast paced with plenty of good mystery and action mixed with a dynamic set if protaganists and villains across time itself. i love stories where actions in the past decide the fate of the present day and how people are fascinated vby the lost treasures of yesterday and the lengths they will go to to obtain them. it's fun, unpredictble, furious. Backed.

Dear Robert James Glider,

Golden Conspiracy is an intelligent, engaging, adventure-packed thriller. Backed with much interest.

Love your "me" page and that great photo.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School
(Please have a look.)

Hi there, fellow Authonomy-topian. If you enjoy historical spy/thrillers and would like to know how two former dogs-of-war plan to assassinate the world’s foremost dictator…come take a look at To Kill a Dead Man.

Robert,

This is a page turner, a delight, and fun!

You writing is superb - love the way you crafted the story with such skill!

Also - I hope it is published soon - and then turned into a movie. Very visual, vivid, cinematic.

Backed with utmost pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Good evening ;0)

.."feeling as if someone had poured hot gravel under his eyelids."
What a fantastic opening line, I can feel his pain and can almost register the grating as my eyes move onto the next sentence.
Chapter One: Liko is a god-fearing native and so is Felippe (a conquistador) and yet here is where their similarity ends. Liko believes that his brush with the feeding sharks has rendered him immortal. However, when he meets Felipe, surely a God in truth, he is tempted to take the 'sun' worn around the God's neck, for his own. He is justly rewarded... But Felipe is not a God, and he dies at the end of chapter one.

The change of timescale in Chapter two rushes the story into the cold light of modern day. A harsh reality where people, archaeologists and historians, speak of times gone by irreverently.

This story is a great one, told by an accomplished storyteller. I can see myself with others circling a campfire in celtic britain while the bard tells us the stories of all time.
I will read the rest later, but I wanted to comment now... Backed!
Millie x
ps, your story hasn't frightened me, but I am afraid that I "I may be hooked for life"

Epic and rich. Backed.

Already backed a while ago as I liked what I'd read quickly. Having read more thoroughly, I now know why I liked it: you write very atmospherically and with great detail which paints pictures well and provides a solid background to what's happening. good luck, Carolyn.

I'm speechless. A great and epic tale, well told. Backed.
SC

The pitch prepares the reader for a lot of excitements and adventure.

Backed with pleasure.

Gabriel(It Goes On Forever.)

This is a great read. You describe it as 'edge of your seat' and it certainly is. Very well written and wonderfully realised.
Mal

Robert,

Returning your read.

Minor point, but should 'timber oof the shouts' be 'timbre of the shoutss'?

Great opening chapter though, full of drama.

One minor observation, you do seem rather fond of the elipse (I quite like them myself) and I wonder if one or two of these couldn't be edited out.

But, the tension you build--cutting back and forth between the two viewpoints--is great.

Backed.

A good start of a promising adventure and I really like Pericles and Jacsen. Well done! I'm backing it.

K
Nick Keen's Guide to Ghost Cleaning

This is an excellent beginning to what appears to be a saga of great proportions. I feel as though I am in the world of James Michener.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

Golden Conspiracy--

A little Indiana Jones, maybe? Never a bad thing!

I honestly liked this though thought it could do with a little more detail in regard to Place and Setting in chs 1 and 2 and maybe a little less bouncing back and forth in ch1. Otherwise, reads like the start of really good thing! I'll back this. -Barb

The first chapter is very well written. Rich scene setting. Starting with the conquistador, post-shipwreck, was an excellent way to squarely place the reader in this world. Your language and characterizations were spot-on and obviously well-researched without making the cardinal error of some writers who seem to want to prove to their readers how much they know rather than how well they tell a story. It's a fine line to walk, but you walked it.

Backed.

Kevin ("The Fall of Jasper McCaine")

An immensely enjoyable read and your storytelling is wonderful. A great build on the characters too.

Hawaii, Spanish gold and modern-day 'pirates'.And written with professional skill.
The changes of point of view in the first chapter were deftly handled and easy to follow. And the thoughts and reactions of the two men were well described and believable.

Congratulations!

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From The Beginning)

Robert,

The excellent first chapter drew me in and I'm intrigued by the rest. I'm a bit confused by something, though. Finding a 16th cent. medallion doesn't necessarily mean the medallion arrived in Hawaii during that century does it? Couldn't it be an heirloom dropped by a Spaniard in the 17th or even 18th century? Did the archaeologists date the medallion by some other means, such as somehow dating the human remains?
Just asking.

Other than that, I enjoyed what you have here and am backing it. If you'd give a read of Friends in Dark Places, I'd appreciate it.

Take care,

JohnB

Delivers as advertised in the pitch, with action from the off. All the best.

Cusslerish. No harm in that

Robert, I'm on a round-the-world trip! I like this whole concept, who Jac is, what he and Peri do and why. It's interesting to me, how your rich style in the opening transfers itself to Jac's inner thoughts. But not so much with Peri and where they're having dinner, and Peri showing off to the guests - especially the divine Erika.

Montoya and his work are interesting - almost an "M" figure, or "Mother"! As for the Russian... One thing there - erm, Malibu marina??? Maybe it isn't important, but I guess that would be either N. to Santa Barbara Marina, or s. to Marina del Rey or even Long Beach or Alamitos.

I think I'd like to have seen a little more *atmosphere* at the Malibu house - just some little things. Fancy china? Art? Perhaps, too, a little line or two in the midst of Peri's tales on guests' reactions? Just some suggestions that I think would add a little color, ambience. Although, of course, the tale itself is colorful!

I'm thinking Peri is European, and his flamboyance and tales of derring-do made me think of a young David Niven-like persona, the great raconteur.

Jac, as far as I've got, is kind of waiting in the wings to me - a dangerous gipsy, and I love the way his brain works, his fanciful yet educated thoughts on Calleja and what could have happened.

The initial set-up to this adventurous story is wondrous to behold - the gods and sharks, the beauty and the vicarious thrills for a reader of Liko's life and thoughts of all-conquering power. And of Felipe's desperate plight, his near-salvation, his crescent moon.

A real adventure, gladly backed with good wishes for your success, from -

Kay xx
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

Very lively & fast-paced first chapter. Unusual ms format. Be sure if you submit it to an agent or publisher you follow their format guidelines.
Good action. Felipe viewing his body as his spirit rose was done well.
I included your book on my Watchlist & will read more soon. Take care, Karen

It's an impressive span of time to play with, and it looks like you write with a suitable style to carry this kind of writing off well. Congratulations!

Backed with pleasure, and looking forward to reading more

The writing is eloquent and the scenes well described and vivid.
Holly

The first chapter is awesome, the two totally different lives, both with a seemingly strong faith in their gods, cross paths, both striving to survive the rigors of a cruel world. Told with expertise, this is a good book, glad to have backed it. read the second chapter and am continuing to read more.

Hi Robert,
You grab the reader by the neck and refuse to let him go, in fact if you did I would have offered it back. Great read and exciting, perfect for a holdiay in the Carribean. Initially I thought it might be suited to first person but on reading more it's clear you've gone with the right choice.

Thanks for an enjoyable read.

Another day, another book. Well, let’s go!

1: Boy meets Spaniard, boy loses Spaniard, Spaniard pulls a Darwin and gets himself killed. That old chestnut.

2: Nice transition. Seriously; the image of the dying spaniard’s soul lifting out of the body shifts well into the dinner scene. Getting a good buddy buddy feeling from Peri and Jac; from Peri’s point of view, anyway. Like the descendant of Captain Kidd idea.

3: Quick set up. I like it; you don’t give the reader time to grow bored with overlong descriptions. Definitely getting a movie vibe from this.

4: section 4 is also at the end of section 3. A simple enough mistake, one probably more due to uploading to authonomy. Probably not in the actual document. Similiarly, the font seems to be bouncing around; it works in the first chapter to help separate the past event from the dinner scene, but there are a few spots where the font changes for no apparent reason. Still, this is a small grievance.

5: Grr. Computer issues. I’ll pick up later.

6.Ah, a more corporate villain. Nothing wrong with that; reminds me of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

7. With the cook, I can’t get the image of Jac being a strange cross between Indiana Jones and James Bond. Just please; no monkey brains.

8. So much for not telling his tribesman about the God that got away. Still, I’d imagine he told the story later, after becoming a leader. A good Tale-spinner could turn the entire event into a daring story about a young warrior thwarting en evil god. And ending with the hint of danger.

My final Opinion: This does what an exerpt from a book should do; set the scene, introduce the characters, and prepare for the coming adventure. I’m personally not a fan of tacking foreign expressions on the ends of dialogue (what I lovingly call the Tek-war Shatner approach), but you don’t abuse it, so that’s okay. The story moves along quickly, giving the needed information without pointless padding. I mentioned in the commentary that I was getting a movie vibe from this; scene transitions seem geared in a similar vein to an adventure film. There were a few slight proofreading errors, but nothing out of the ordinary; a few always slip through. This’ll definitely get a place on my wall. You’ve piqued my interest; now where’s the rest of the story?

I read chapter 2.
I think you did a good job sharing how they met and revealing part of Pericle's personality without just saying he was a food-obsessed, subconciousattention hog. (At least that's how I read his character). -Although, his timing left me wondering if he had an ulterior motive, besides just pride to explain why he's sharing the story now and not at the earlier Thanksgiving gatherings. Was Jacsen unable to attend the previous 2 thanksgiving parties?)
Other small thoughts include:
Who said, “What? Did you say ‘Captain Kidd’?”
Also, my understanding of the rule with dialogue within dialogue is that it gets one ’ instead of the two”. So we know that he is still telling the story.
What is the greatest paradox? The pirate among the well-to-do, or the fact that he spent a week on all these culinary delights and the guy chooses a hamburger.
“Quite…Soiled my underwear.” Sounds odd-not quite in keeping with his tone, and not really necessary with the following paragraph that says how scared he was.” (Jacsen, however, might say it, as a way to be more unappealing to Erika-if he didn’t appreciate her constant leers/wanton expressions any more than I did.)
Personaly, I felt the friends clapped at the weakest part of his story. I would clap more for a re-emphasis on fact that they are bonded in their desire to do what is “right” statement then a “just continues because it’s a natural thing to do.”

An incredible first chapter; I loved it. The back and forth between Felipe de Cordoba and Liko was really well done. With vivid details and insights into their thoughts, you introduce their separate situations in the brief moments before their worlds collide. Each perspective has its own distinct style, which is commendable. Liko's is more straightforward and simple, whereas Felipe's thought tend toward flowery and emotive. Just to be able to have these two voices makes the work come alive. And the detail of the medallion stashed away...really good. A great start; I would definitely read on if I came across this in the store.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

I read the first chapter and was absolutely entranced. You have a very methodical yet exciting descriptive writing style. The very first paragraph struck home with me because it reminded me so much of some of my material. Great job! Backed.

Great writing -- but I also want to see the movie!

Backed.