Traveling Trunk Adventure #1: Pirate Treasure

Old favourite indeed...it's been 'done' so often in recent years (including Hollywood blockbusters), one wonders whether there is anything original left to be written! 'Time-bandits' springs to mind...worth a go anyway.
Best wishes
Stewart

What a great twist on an old favourite. A hearty pirate story involving time travel. You have done a marvellous job here, and the cover is delightful. It is bound to keep the young'ns amused for many a long hour. Colourful characters who keep the story moving along at a nice pace. Backed with delight. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Only nit........... bosun should be bos'un and delete a few adverbs.
Other than that i think this is a great read for little ones!
Alison Butler

Backed Traveling Trunk Adventure #1: Pirate Treasure."Awesome!" is the only word I have to describe the movie trailer. Childern will love the book. Pirates, dark secrets, and adventure are the components of a great fantasy for young readers.
CC Brown
Dark Side

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created most memorable main characters in Ethan and Dallin. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing ensures that your work will appeal to the youth audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Travelin Trunk Adventures
Oh this is lovely a happy family with lots of mystical things going on the old chest that their father brings home gives them lots to make up stories and imaginings from. This is in the Peter Pan league. I really enjoyed the first three chapters

Regards Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you enjoy it.

Dear Benjamin

I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. Very orginal storyline and very well crafted , loved it loved it. I do wish to be part of your climb to the top on this site. CONGRATS and I will comment more as I read more

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Dear Benjamin

I have your book and some others on my WL at present. just started readin and will comment in little while

Denise
The Letter

This is a great story for your target age group - well-written and really easy to engage with.

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Dear Benjamin, I love your delightful adventures in your travelling trunk series. :) Are there going to be more? :) Your pitch drew me in & your tight dialogue & paragraphs made me keep reading. :) I've backed your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back mine? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

Hi Benjamin - a most enjoyable tale. I laughed aloud.
best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Hi Benjamin - a most enjoyable tale. I laughed aloud.
best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Hi Benjamin - a most enjoyable tale. I laughed aloud.
best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

I loved this. I really wanted to be a kid again so it would be acceptable for me to get an old trunk, sit in it and wait to be whisked away. The pirate dictionary was a stroke of genius and I will be subtly incorporating phrases into daily life! I can't wait for more adventures.

Travelling Trunk Adventures

Forget the children this was right up my street! It has everything. Dialogue driven ideal for children (and me) very well paced with great characters. However the thing that impressed me the most was the values you built into the story. - Good luck

This is a good story. First, because what is better than a pirate tale? Second, because your writing style is fresh and easy to read. I think schoolagers will like this a lot. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

I love tales about pirates, so naturally I warmed to your book. The opening chapter was a good introduction and I look forward to reading more! You say in your pitch that your target audience is ages 5-12. Personally I think that's a little broad, since the vocabulary you can use in books for 12 years olds will be quite a lot tougher than in ones for 5 years olds, but that's only a nitpick and nothing to do with your actual story. Your cover for the book is fantastic! (As have a lot of the pirate book's covers I've seen on here). Anyway, good luck with it!

I really enjoyed this and I'm sure so will my 6 year old. It has all the right ingredients to capture the curious young minds. I like your writing style, perfect for the young one's to read on their own. I also like that the chapters are not too long. The trunk is a masterful peice and kids will love the adventure it unfolds. Pirates, bunks beds, 'Tarzan' swing...so many things that will surely appeal to the kid in everyone. Backed.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

A great tale my 10 and 12 year old grandchildren would love this Excellent swashbuckling at its best

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

I love a book that takes me there and your's does just that. it's very imaginative, funny and innocent. I could not take a break from reading it. I think kids will love this and it tells them where treasure truly lies. Great job!

This is great fun, Benjamin. Perfect pacing and clever ideas make this a winner for the age range. I loved the 'beeping' watch. Yes, I'd love to have read this when I was young, but hey, I enjoy reading it now. Best wishes, Scott.

Quite delightful and well-done. I would have loved to read this as a ten year old.

Bunk beds with swinging ropes, pirates treasure chests, what kid could ask for better parents. I enjoyed reading about these kids and I'm an old lady. So any young person is just going to love the book. Definitely worth shelving which I've done for the past week.

Betty K

Benjamin,

Great start! Warm and approachable and very well paced. Backed.
Below are my comments and thoughts as I read the first two chapters.


“…cracks in the canopy of leaf-shaped blinds…” I love this imagery, but it confused me. When you said canopy, I was thinking of something up above, but then you said ‘window blinds’ and I got disoreiented.

“Unable to ignore…” “Crawling to the edge…” These types of sentences tend to be weak constructions. You’re backing into it by burying the subject. Occasionally they work, but usually they don’t. The first isn’t bad, but the second might need to be re-worked. Just a thought.

Love the Tarzan swing and the beanbag.

“The bunk beds…” Cool beds! But I wonder if this sentence wouldn’t be stronger split into two?

“Three years older…” Another of these type of sentences.

“Climbing off the bag,” I’ll stop pointing these out, but wanted to show you that they crop up a lot.

Nice. They’re excited about Dad coming home. This is warm and genuine.

“Then he checked his digital wristwatch…” Awesome detail.


Looking forward to the surprise. Nice touch. Keeps me reading.

The pirate chest really keeps my interest. Nice pacing.


Good luck with this!

Cheers,

Roberto Calas
The Beast of Maug Maurai

Benjamin,

This is a smart children's story, a great title for a series of adventures and it is full of suitably ridiculous characters with fine witty dialogue. Highlights are the pirate rules list and the dictionary at the end. I really enjoyed reading it. The only thing I missed was a little action - as the boys were on a pirate ship I was looking for some kind of fight and/or peril for the boys - maybe with rival pirates or something similar. I wonder whether some action thread after they've been recruited would serve as the main plot and the witch/daughter storyline and their subsequent return as a subplot. I would also have built up the moment where they first come out of the trunk a little more. On a technical note chapter's 4 & 5 have different titles but are actually the same. Is there a chapter missing here? Very good work and no problem backing it.

Greg Stewart
The Devil's Fairytale

Love the theme and the way you jump right into the story. I particularly liked the way the boys’ room sounds like a treehouse or jungle right from the start. This pulls you in with humour and interest. I think it’s just the right length for your target audience – just one place I thought the style was a little “grown up”: the paragraph beginning “Living in a condominium complex…”. Not sure you need this as you’ve described the room so well in the book’s opening paragraphs. A very small thing in a very enjoyable read. Backed with pleasure. Kittykat (My House Eats People)

Traveling Trunk Adventure is a great children's story - Ethan and Dallin are bright, interesting characters, nd the sense of adventure is soon strong as Dad delivers the old pirate's trunk. Well written and easy reading. Backed.

Great adventure, wonderful characters and dialogue.
Backed
Andrea. Breach of Faith

The dictionary is very cute: "Cap'n: a short Captain." "Cutlass: What pirates tell the barber if they want to keep their beards long." The story itself is cute as well. "I hope you barf on whatever Dad got you." God, a bedroom designed to look like a jungle. I wish I could have afforded to do that for my own kids when they were young. Simply, you have a lovely story here that should be very popular in the age group you are targeting. Hell, it is even popular in a much, much older age group: my own. Shelved with pleasure. I wish you the best of luck with this.

Hi, This is an adventurous, fun filled, action packed story which will be sure to capture the imaginations of theintended audience. It has all the right ingredients to be very successful. Well written with brought to life characters and places. Excellent.
BACKED
Mark
ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE

Good start for a kids' book. I suggest you watch out for those sentences starting with an -ing word – do be sure they say what you mean. Sometimes it's better to use straightout past tense instead. But I enjoyed the first chapter and will be back to read more.

This is turning out to be a good book. I have only one minor thing to say about chapter one and that is that there are a couple of lines that the boys say that sound more adult-ish than kid-like. But maybe you wanted them to sound that way? Other than that, I like the premise. Backed.

Kathryn Roberts

FATE

You’ve got a neat little book here and you set the tone just right for you audience. As I was reading I made a few notes that I hope are helpful…

I’ve noticed an odd trend of books starting with light coming through a window here on Authonomy. Not sure why that is.

“Crawling to the edge of the top bunk, he grabbed the green rope hanging from the vaulted ceiling and, in Tarxan fashion, swung down.” [Cut the rest of this sentence; you’ve already established that it is a bunk bed]

Watch out for adjectives; they can clog up your descriptive prose.

“Looking at the old Grandfather clock in the dining room, Dallin smiled at the Xs, Vs and Is.
‘Eight thirty-five’ he read aloud, proud to have recently learned his Roman numerals.”

Or something like that. That way it seems less convoluted and long winded.

“First one to the top wins.”

Is one of them supposed to be saying this?

The little exchanges between the brothers are adorable. You really capture their characters nicely.

The description of the room in chapter two should really be in chapter one. Set the scene in a natural way; when the characters are there. It’s usually best to describe through action and motion, but as this is for a younger audience, you may get away with a more direct approach.

I enjoyed the little Pirate history lesson. The dialogue feels natural and well crafted.

Good description at the start of chapter three. Perhaps could do with some tactile detail? Perhaps have one of the children stroke a finger across it and then tell the reader what it felt like?

You introduce the fantasy at a fine pace; leading the reader along, deeper into the mystery. This is very important for children’s fiction, especially.

“Uh, Dallin, I don’t think we’re in Los Angeles anymore.”

As cliché as that is, I kind of like it.

The song is a fun bit. I foresee children learning it by heart.

A great cliff-hanger to chapter three (which is considerably longer than the other two – perhaps think of combining 1 and 2 together to make it seem more fluent?).

Chapter four is brilliant! There’s a lot of comedy mixed with a bit of peril. The dynamics between the crew members start off on a neat line already. I see this going far!

That’s as much as I’ve got time for right now. I hope to come back to this!

Best wishes,

- Joel Cornah

The Dinosaur Prince

Thanks Peck, I'll add "Never Hang...Your Wife" (sorry, with the ellipisis your book now sounds like a murder-mystery) to my watchlist and then get it on my self as soon as I can.

Cheers,
Benjamin Flinders
(Traveling Trunk Adventures: Pirate Treasure)

Benjamin, hard to beat a good pirate saga - and you have created one here. Backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

An energetic, polished read.

Ideal for your intended market.

Very happy to back this.

Melxx
Would love to hear your thoughts on Impeding Justice, currently no.48, a crime/thriller with a spunky female MC. Thanks, Melxx

I really lovethis story idea and your writing is very polished - backed!

This is some wonderful writing. I love the opening with the bunk beds. I remember my sister and I used to sleep in some though I was never allowed the top one as she was older and probably less likely to fall out of bed. Excellent writing when the father comes home, you can feel the joy. This promises to be a brilliant story, backed.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

I like nice short chapters and sentences for children, and this has a very nice tone to it - the older brother looking out for the younger one. I only read two chapters but I think the scene is well set for adventure and I certainly bond with this lovely family. Very happy to back this
BADD

I love the world you have put me in here -- I’m a kid again, and I love it!
Your writing is impeccable, and the glossary at the end is priceless :)
Wish I could back this twice -- good job!
Voni

Your cover is fantastic, though the idea of time-traveling portals has been over-used. I put your book on my watchlist and will read it.
Ker

Your cover is fantastic, though the idea of time-traveling portals has been over-used. I put your book on my watchlist and will read it.
Ker

Your cover is fantastic, though the idea of time-traveling portals has been over-used. I put your book on my watchlist and will read it.
Ker

Your cover is fantastic, though the idea of time-traveling portals has been over-used. I put your book on my watchlist and will read it.
Ker

I love a good pirate tale, as do most all kids, and this one sure fits the bill. From the alliterative opening, to the tree bunk beds, the suitably silly poetry, the ineptly named crew aboard Cap'n Bartelmy----err----Black Bart's vessel, and the mildly uncouth glossary at the end, this is a rollicking story that gives young readers all they could ask for.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

Oh, I adore this story and your writing. It is pitch perfect for your audience and I'm such a sucker for this fantasy type world laced with contemporary tones and realism. You deserve the best of success with it. Carl. The Time Hunters

This is an enchanting story, perfectly judged for the target readership. Funny, likeable leading characters and very well written, this is as good as it gets. Backed - absolutely!
Jared.
Mummy's Boy.

Hi Benjamin,
Oh the stuff of every child’s dreams..What a joy this book is. Captivating and wonderfully amusing.
This should have your readers thrilled and racing through the pages for more.
Backed with very my great pleasure.
Dawn : ARK

Exciting, well written and thoroughly enjoyable!
Backed!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.

Loved this! I was laughing and enjoying the story and thinking, "I wish I could buy this for my boys!".
Great work. Happy to back.
Tracy
The Guardians