Nine To The Evolution

The pitch and premise very good. I was a little lost in the fractionation early in the prologue, however you managed to pull it all back together which was good. You have a very distinct writing style, which cannot be said about some whose writing I have read on here.

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Dear Famlavan
Thanks a lot for your review...
I am really glad that you liked it and thanks for the compliment... gives me a new boost.
Just pray that my book finds place in the hands of all the readers of the world soon...
May God Bless You.
:)

Fabulous prologue and premise. I can imagine this being the type of book that I would recommend to my book-club as it promises to have plenty to inspire discussion.

I'm looking forward to reading more when I get the chance.

Best of luck.

Ibby (Near Miss)

Hey Ibby

Thanks soo much for ur positive comments.. i pray to the Almighty that he fulfills ur desire regarding my book soon!

God Bless You!

Will see u soon! :)

Hello.

I have read the three chapters you have uploaded. The concept is very intriguing. I can only assume it will end on a positive and moral lesson.

I did notice that your sentences are rather long. You might want to consider breaking the longer paragraphs up. I think that would make the work more "reader friendly."

Overall, what you have uploaded looks good.

Can you read, comment on, and back my Jamie 7?

Keep smiling
Joseph D Palermo

Hey Joe

Thanks a lot for ur comments...

If you read the first three words of the book (The Prologue) "From the darkness..." The book makes you walk from the dark first 4 chapters, then crossing the bridge of the 5th chapter called God/Self Belief... and then takes you to the last 4 enlightening chapters... and the last 3 words of the book (The Epilogue) are "Towards the light..."
So I hope u understand where the book takes you :)

God Bless You!

So true! I only read the part about anger, but I can definitely sympathize with Kyla on the airplane, although I don't condone her way of reacting. This a wonderful book which should be published. Backed.

God Bless You! :)

This is a unique premise...very interesting. I read only Anger...it yells at you like a punk singer in pain. But seriously, this is gripping and feels truthful. The dialogue is hard hitting but right. Excellent.

Backed... and good luck.
Rodney

Thanks Rodney!
God Bless You!

Thanks. I find your book very interesting and look forward to reading your new chapters when they get written.

This is an interesting premise and I look forward to reading more of it.
Taiella (SECOND LOVE)

So-VERY- sexy. Love the number 9- my name Elizabeth = 9 letters, Well crafted and easily BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

I read a little and then backed your book Varun. I did need to come back and read more, so as to make a comment. I must admit, parts of your story lost me a little, but then, that is not your writing at fault, it is the way I have looked at your story. On the whole, your are a very inventive and accomplished writer, I do hope you do well with this book, Good Luck Varun.
Norman. The Witch of Hambone Bk.3. And, Muddledydo.

Thanks to some very perceptive criticisms on this site (thank you Authonomites!) I am, at present, in the process of a major rewrite and don't have time for individualized comments.
If you are reading this it means I have read the first couple of chapters of your book and think it is worthy of my support. My training is in the visual arts so I can't really help with the 'nuts & bolts' but if you would like to know what I really liked about your work, just send me a message and as soon as I can I will get back to you.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a further read of your book.

Hello, again.

I read through Chapter 4. I really like the continued reliance on God. The chapter does cover a long period of time, and you handle it very well. I could relate to the first part of this chapter. When I was a boy, my parents, my brother, grandfather, teen-aged aunt, and my uncle who had just returned from the war all liven together in one house.

I really like your writing, but I strongly suggest that you divide your paragraphs up. Perhaps you could study how some of the other writers on this site form paragraphs to show separations in action, speaking, and thinking. I think that would make your story much easier to read.

I hope that did not sound negative. Hope to see additional chapters soon

Thank you for backing Jamie-7. I am editing it now chapter by chapter.

Keep Smiling
Joseph D Palermo

The pitch and premise very good. I was a little lost in the fractionation early in the prologue, however you managed to pull it all back together which was good. You have a very distinct writing style, which cannot be said about some whose writing I have read on here.

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Dear Famlavan
Thanks a lot for your review...
I am really glad that you liked it and thanks for the compliment... gives me a new boost.
Just pray that my book finds place in the hands of all the readers of the world soon...
May God Bless You.
:)

The pitch and premise very good. I was a little lost in the fractionation early in the prologue, however you managed to pull it all back together which was good. You have a very distinct writing style, which cannot be said about some whose writing I have read on here.

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Interesting work. With proper editing this will go far!

Shelved--Bill

Fabulous prologue and premise. I can imagine this being the type of book that I would recommend to my book-club as it promises to have plenty to inspire discussion.

I'm looking forward to reading more when I get the chance.

Best of luck.

Ibby (Near Miss)

Hey Ibby

Thanks soo much for ur positive comments.. i pray to the Almighty that he fulfills ur desire regarding my book soon!

God Bless You!

Will see u soon! :)

Fabulous prologue and premise. I can imagine this being the type of book that I would recommend to my book-club as it promises to have plenty to inspire discussion.

I'm looking forward to reading more when I get the chance.

Best of luck.

Ibby (Near Miss)

Hello.

I have read the three chapters you have uploaded. The concept is very intriguing. I can only assume it will end on a positive and moral lesson.

I did notice that your sentences are rather long. You might want to consider breaking the longer paragraphs up. I think that would make the work more "reader friendly."

Overall, what you have uploaded looks good.

Can you read, comment on, and back my Jamie 7?

Keep smiling
Joseph D Palermo

Hey Joe

Thanks a lot for ur comments...

If you read the first three words of the book (The Prologue) "From the darkness..." The book makes you walk from the dark first 4 chapters, then crossing the bridge of the 5th chapter called God/Self Belief... and then takes you to the last 4 enlightening chapters... and the last 3 words of the book (The Epilogue) are "Towards the light..."
So I hope u understand where the book takes you :)

God Bless You!

So true! I only read the part about anger, but I can definitely sympathize with Kyla on the airplane, although I don't condone her way of reacting. This a wonderful book which should be published. Backed.

God Bless You! :)

Hello.

I have read the three chapters you have uploaded. The concept is very intriguing. I can only assume it will end on a positive and moral lesson.

I did notice that your sentences are rather long. You might want to consider breaking the longer paragraphs up. I think that would make the work more "reader friendly."

Overall, what you have uploaded looks good.

Can you read, comment on, and back my Jamie 7?

Keep smiling
Joseph D Palermo

So true! I only read the part about anger, but I can definitely sympathize with Kyla on the airplane, although I don't condone her way of reacting. This a wonderful book which should be published. Backed.

Have enjoyed this so far. WIll be abck to read more in a few days

George Fripley
(Wurzel of CLutton)

The construction of the plot is brilliant, "Anger" next "Greed" moving onto "Lust". Prior to the start of Chapter 1, a brief preview for readers that hinted or outlined the premise might start them into the work with a definite awareness of the importance of the chapter headings. The manuscript conveys the skill of screenwriters by the presentation of almost "stage directions" and dialogue appropriate to the characters. Well done. Backed on my Bookshelf, Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Chuck
Thanks a lot for ur review.
Have added the Prologue before the start of the 1st chapter.
God Bless.

BACKING you. I can use your comments on my book if you can spare the time. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

The concept of this is fresh and original. I like the way it is written with the chapters carrying on and fitting together. Overall my favorite was greed. Backed.

Samantha L
Requiem Eternal

The construction of the plot is brilliant, "Anger" next "Greed" moving onto "Lust". Prior to the start of Chapter 1, a brief preview for readers that hinted or outlined the premise might start them into the work with a definite awareness of the importance of the chapter headings. The manuscript conveys the skill of screenwriters by the presentation of almost "stage directions" and dialogue appropriate to the characters. Well done. Backed on my Bookshelf, Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

A very interesting plot.
Very creatively written and the peices are put together excellently.

Good luck!
Backed
Prachi..:)

There are rich and detailed stories here with interesting, despicable and sympathetic characters.
I would, however, take a careful edit through for misspellings, incorrect capitalizations and punctuations and some clumsy sentences.
Great set up! Good luck.
Backed,
Ellen
(Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

Hey Ellen

I understand what ur issues with the punctuations, caps etc is... i am yet to get it edited.. :)

May God Bless You!

Thanks a lot for ur honest opinion!

This is a unique premise...very interesting. I read only Anger...it yells at you like a punk singer in pain. But seriously, this is gripping and feels truthful. The dialogue is hard hitting but right. Excellent.

Backed... and good luck.
Rodney

Thanks Rodney!
God Bless You!

This is a unique premise...very interesting. I read only Anger...it yells at you like a punk rocker in pain. But seriously, this is gripping and feels truthful. The dialogue is hard hitting but right. Excellent.

Backed... and good luck.
Rodney

There are rich and detailed stories here with interesting, despicable and sympathetic characters.
I would, however, take a careful edit through for misspellings, incorrect capitalizations and punctuations and some clumsy sentences.
Great set up! Good luck.
Backed,
Ellen
(Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

Hey Tim
I wasn't born 30 years ago... but maybe i was that guy who was in the bar that night 3 years before I took a rebirth! ;)
Thanks a lot for sharing an old experience... I'm glad my writing made u look back and remember such a long lost thing!

God Bless!

Thanks Sue... and you are right about the half dead drunk phrase... and yes, before it gets published, it has to meet its editors :)

This book reminds me of a biker bar I used to frequent just outside of Washington some thirty years ago. Mostly I went there to people watch because it could be pretty entertaining. There was a guy there one night who had his dog with him. The dog would be on the ground next to a picnic table. His Master would say "Rusty, Go" and throw the meat high over the table the dog would jump onto the table and then jump for the meat and catch it in the air every time.

There happened to be a young man on the porch, with a pitcher of beer in one hand and a mug of beer in the other, practicing his one armed curls, and watching this performance with a jaundiced eye. Finally, after several repeats, he blurted out. "Before this night is over, I'm gonna fuck the dawg." Anyway maybe you had to be there. End of story.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Hi
The opener was a cracker! (good)
Break his head with a bottle. This is what I like, authentic dialogue.
Just be careful with the narrative when you say things like ‘Half Dead Drunk’ If you’re half drunk, you’re tipsy. If you’re dead drunk, you’re lagging drunk. Dialogue is fine to have mismatched (authentic) speech, but if you are marketing this in the UK, you'll probably need to edit a fair bit.
You have set up the characters well. Maybe in need of a little tidy up here and there, but a lively story that makes the reader want to turn the pages.
Shelved with pleasure
Best wishes
Sue
A Boy Called George (please take a look if you have the time)

Dear Sheryl

Thanks for the insights on the pitches.

Id like to answer your points you recommended.

1. I have 6 main characters in the whole book, 3 in the first 4 chapters and 3 in the last 4.
2. Lives of all the 3 characters in the first 4 chapters are interlinked (same goes with the 3 in the last 4 chapters)... so only when you read the whole book, you will realize what they want and what obstacles they go through.
3. The resolution lies in the 5th chapter and the following last 4 chapters, where i take my readers 'from the darkness towards the light...'

And I guess you are right about putting so many exclamations and the words like "suddenly"... The book is yet to be edited by a professional and I am sure, once the content is okay-ed by the editors, all the punctuations etc can be resolved :)

Thanks a lot for your review though. Helps a lot!

Cheers!

Nine to the Evolution...

After reading your pitches, I thought I was going to see an essay rather than a novel, but that's not the case.

So, Varun, you've got to do something with your pitches.

Here's the allegedly winning formula for the longer pitch:
1. Who is your Main Character? (if you have different MC's depending upon the emotion, etc., I don't know how to solve this problem for you.)
2. What does s/he want?
3. What obstacles does s/he run into during the story?
A hint about the resolution.

As for the writing, if you use more than two exclamation marks in 100,000 words, you're using too many. It's interesting that I read an agent's blog within the last couple of days and that agent said that where you find too many exclamation marks, you also find too many adverbs and especially the word 'suddenly' which is not recommended.

A really helpful book is Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King.

Best of luck with this.

Cheers,
Sheryl

Hi my name is Shah. I could connect with your characters Rashid, Mustafa...i really enjoyed this. thank you for this. backed

shah

Hi Shah. Thanks a lot for backing it. M really Glad you liked it. Kindly forward it to all you know so that I can get more reviews. God Bless You!

Hi my name is Shah. I could connect with your characters Rashid, Mustafa...i really enjoyed this. thank you for this. backed

shah