The Black Faery

I love your awesome storyline and the unique character relationship with the fae. You have a great voice through your writing. Rated high and on watchlist.

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

Your book has all the elements of a deeply thought out, well constructed saga that could go on for a series of sequels. Your lore is the kind of stuff fantasy lovers adore and who hasn't wished to be part of a greater kind of magic. Humans attached to their lore brings the reader right up close.
This was a lot of work, practically a historical.
Kudos,
Dawn De Remer (Golden Moon)

Ok... read through chapter one, and you got me when Jaleper looked like he was dead.

I'm hoping he's not and that when he was kicked over the edge he somehow clings to life.

I like this... I could see the surroundings, feel the air almost and to fight the leopard, go back triumphant only to have a blade driven through you??

He has to survive.

Backed,

Lorri (Euphoria)

Hi Lorri, thanks for backing. I will read Euphoria over the next few days and leave a comment and back if I enjoy.
Yes, Jaleper does come back. Originally I planned to kill him off for shock value (when i started a couple of years ago) but changed the storyline entirely allowing him to come back. Jaleper plays an integral role, at first all he feels is the loss and loneliness of being one of the last survivors. He soon finds though that the pulse of magic which the Setantii inflicted upon him to prolong his misery caused something strange to happen to him. Where Fae' are normally need to awaken the innate magic within people, for Jaleper, his magic is rapidly brought to life through his 'death'.

Ok... read through chapter one, and you got me when Jaleper looked like he was dead.

I'm hoping he's not and that when he was kicked over the edge he somehow clings to life.

I like this... I could see the surroundings, feel the air almost and to fight the leopard, go back triumphant only to have a blade driven through you??

He has to survive.

Backed,

Lorri (Euphoria)

The Black Faery is not my regular type of read but I will always try to give everything a go.
You found your way to my shelf because of your rich descriptions and clever layering of character, making than a cut above the one dimensional characters I often find in Sci-fi/Fantasy. You'd be a find storyteller in any genre.
backed,
David
Bailey of the Saints

THE BLACK FAERY:

Dan,

You are clearly a born story-teller with an extraordinary imagination. Your powerful prologue and first chapter draw the reader into a fascinating world filled with strong characters and an intriguing struggle for survival.

Backed, with pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

An amazing imagination with a gift for putting it into words! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

potential potential potential. really enjoyed this, you know how to write compelling fantasy.

backed.
KZ

Always been a bit of a fence sitter with prologues, however yours really works – good start for me. You build a brilliant opening scene with you use of sensory descriptions it engages and captivates.
The names took a little getting used to, but that is good for me, I’m not trapped in stereotypes boxes.
Great end to chapter one, great hook.

Enjoyed this immensely. Nicely written story
Pleased to back

I was there in that ceremony, thanks for inviting me with your powerful story. backed

shah

Dan, I enjoyed your prologue and first chapter. Only nit I have is with the word "head long" in your prologue. It is actually one word: "headlong".

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Dear Dan J Verrall,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I love your second sentence, as it makes me think of skiing trips, speeding down the mountain with the crisp pines all around me. Still, you may wish a hyphen between the compound adjective “snow dusted”. Interesting belief of spirit ingestion. Now we have sports cars, but they had prestigious kills. I like how you interject that a broken leg out there would mean death. Also like the feeling that he’d been tramped by a herd of horses. Try adding a line of euphoria after the snow leopard kill, which is an amazing feat. I grinned at his pride in battle wounds. I commend you for having him envision the joy of returning in triumph, only to snatch it away from him with the burnt village, creating immense sympathy. Uh oh. Then you kill him.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your beginning even more exciting by cutting most of the background that interrupts the hunt of the snow leopard. The later expectation of triumph, after the hunt, fulfills most of the background needs.

You have great understanding of cultures and civilization building. Bravo! Backed, and best wishes.

Fantastic... I wish you the very best of luck with your book. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Dan,

The Fae'ren Guild - I read the prologue, captured by Jaleper's victorious rite as hunter and the devastating discovery, which crushed the joyful anticipation of his prize and deadened his spirit. Two more chapters into the tale, it absorbed me. I warmed to the characters and was carried along by the strong and elegant prose. Very happy to support the amazing world you created.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This is exactly the type of thing that I would love to be able to write. The sense of history and struggle that is only hinted at in the prologue and chapter 1 is further expanded in Chapter 8. What a fantastic idea, I love the Fae' (fairies) and their close relationship to the warriors. I was worried that the Fae' would be weak characters or stereotyped but they come across as incredibly strong willed and independent.

This sentence sums up the approach nicely.

"The Tsuran is a cunning man, possessed of a brilliant mind but it is his bonded Faery, Tae’beth who is the most dangerous of the two. The Tsuran is the flame that wards against the dark, passionate and unforgiving to his enemies but Tae’beth is as steel taken from the ice fields of the far north, cold and ruthless in her commitment to the Guild."

The bad guys are proper villains, the description of the evil mage and his contempt for the soldiers around him is brilliant, providing a good background for the depth of evil they are capable of. He is just as interesting as the fairy people. I hope he will be a main character throughout the book.

I can't wait to read more and learn more about the different magik (magic) each fairy possesses.

Dense epic spanning several genres; well pitched. Good luck!
Jane Bain ('Life Script')

You begin with a marvellous opening chapter, as Jaleper tracks the snow leopard and, guessing right, strikes the animal's side with his dagger. This is a great piece of action writing, and you carry us along with you. Jaleper is an excellent character, and you build up rapport for him straightaway, so that his death at the hands of the people who have destroyed his village comes as a great and effective shock. One sort of magic is established here, a fierce and cruel type. Then you move us on to meet Ruthin and to discover the other sort of magic. Ruthin is a kind and gentle person, as we see through the garden he has made for Lai; and we quickly come to like and admire him; so the end of the chapter, where he and Lai can at last come together, is both beautiful and satisfying. Your writing is often beautiful, often exciting, and always gripping. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

THE FAE'REN GUILD: Hi there! I'm stumbled across this by chance, and I'm glad I took a peek. Your pitch I think could use a bit more drama, more a sense of the characters rather than emphasis on the perils of a nation or land. For me, anyhow, it's easier to relate to individual characters than an abstract concept of a country in peril.

That said, I find this rather densely-written story quite enjoyable. You've done a fine job of world building, with much that is unique and intriguing. Your opening scenes draw the reader immediately close, engaging us with this hopeful young man - only to see him brutally slain, rendering us bereft as soon as we've started. Then the Fae'den and their diminutive Fae'ren partners are wonderfully alien and yet engaging, as is the world that surrounds them.

The bonding of the Fae'den and Fae'ren reminded me just a bit of Ann McCaffrey's early Pern books I read ages ago, but in a very good way. I find this imaginative and unusual, and very promising. I do think in later edits you might see about trimming a few adjectives, as some of your descriptions get a bit weighty, particularly in the early bits, but the story remains compelling to me, nonetheless.

I think you've plenty of merit here, and so I am pleased to back and wish you well. :-)
Cheers ~

G. M. Atwater
Nobody's Knight

Dan, I confess the pitch for this didn't grab me as I'm not really a reader of high fantasy, but the title is intriguing so I gave it a try. I'm so glad I did! The description of the young man seeking his totem animal (and what it could mean for his place in his society) got me by the throat and I had my heart in my mouth as I followed his stalking of the snow leopard. Too many metaphors there, but you get the general drift, I hope. I've just seen that someone else noticed that humdinger of an inverted sentence! Could I suggest you simply make it - well, simple - The young man was in such a hurry....
But otherwise, it flows really well and sets our MC up with a seismic shift in world view, and a task...and a journey (as all good literature does).
I really enjoyed this and am happy to back it. This will do very well with your target audience - I liked it a lot and I'm not your ideal reader by any means.
Jared
Mummy's Boy.

. ‘In such a hurry to be about the day’s business was the young man that he’d almost forgotten to extinguish the embers of the previous nights fire’ for example, which I had to read twice to get the sense of (it was the placing of ‘was the young man’ that threw me).

You are absolutely right. That is a horrible sentance. It is one of those ones which I have spent thirty mins trying to change and then gave up. Thanks for highlighting it. I will sort it out.

Throw both pitches into the forums and have people help you out with it. I am SHELVING in advance. I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Ths is well written fantasy. In early going I don't see the SF aspect of it, but I'm assuming that comes through as the story progresses. Nice work! Backed.

Bill (Faust's Butterfly)

An original set-up - for a moment I was afraid it was going to be almost too original, in that we were going to lose a character we'd invested some interest it - but I was glad to see you brought him back later. Best of luck with this. Backed.

That's rough. All that work, just to find out... the work just started. This is gonna be one tough SOB by the time the book is done.

Backed for adventure!

Dan-
Eunice Stubbins, among others...

All the elements of epic fantasy are here. The villians are well and truely villanous, the hero is many layered and best of all there's a fairy.
Good stuff.

Hi Dan
one of the better written Fantasy novels I've read on Authonomy. I was worried that you might not have a central character for us to travel with at first, but I'm reassured. Good ideas pictured well. Shelved, Scott.

A very good beginning gets the reader hooked, introducing the bad guys and then the fairy people. All the hallmarks of an excellent fantasy. You have a few typos scattered through but so do we all, another trawl will lose some of those. Jim D Serpent's Blood

Wonderful beginning with the introduction of the young warrior, the destruction of his village, the antagonist, and the fairy people. Lot going on here but you make it work. This piece shows excellence of form and great possibilities. Definitely worth backing. Good luck.
Jenny

Epic Fantasy that is written with craft and style!
Backed!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.

I never know how to pronounce names with apostrophes in them!

Fair comment, some people like to know exactly how to pronounce names and places but I prefer to let the reader come up with their own pronunciation and find having an obscure name enables this quite well. Thank you for the comment, it maybe that not many people like this style so it is good feedback. Thank you for taking the time to read some. Much appreciated. Dan

This has a unique style. I was immediately drawn into the prologue and continued to read the first chapter. Some good descriptions and great names adding to the atmosphere. A book with potential.

Backed,

Lisa

I never know how to pronounce names with apostrophes in them!