Flickers

Love it! Straight into the meat and potatoes of the thing. Completely absurdist. Bunging this straight on my shelf. All the best with this, Ceeds
'JOE'S NAN'

An excellent pitch, with writing that doesn't disappoint. Original dialogue in a wholly original scene. Starts right in the thick and things and doesn't let go. Well done.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Vivid characters and an interesting plot with a dash of wit.

Only one place I was jarred and that was at the line: They continued eating.

Could this just be woven into the next line? Very small thing but thought I would point it out.

I've placed Flickers on my bookshelf.

Raw, witty,imaginative, and every good thing mentioned by your readers. And what a wonderful idea for a novel - the early movies and the characters involved!
Worth backing, boys.
David Grant
POMPEY CHIMES

Dear Jason and Jonny,
I think your first chapter is quite witty with understated humor. It's almost like a play in that it's mostly dialog. I like your use of dialog to move the story along. Very well done!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

You have finely crafted a most interesting storyline and you do capture well the historical essence of the early 1900's in L.A. Your use of short paragraghs and crisp, well written dialogue keeps the pace of your story flowing nicely. Your use of imagery is excellent as is your charactr development of Joe. All of this coupled with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Instantly enjoyable I read three chapters each was equally as good as the other. Your interaction between Jo and Gloria was exceptional. The quick fire dialogue and rhetoric between then was so well written. From the scene in the train to the creation of Gloria Grace you have written a very fast passed and absorbing book. I may be back to read more – very impressed

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley - I hope you enjoy it

Great story and very well written.
Good luck.
Dawn ,
My Friends and Me

Flickers.

That’s an impressive story. The “newsreels” were, I thought at first an entertainment, until I realised that Mario Marinelli is waiting for Joe when he goes to LA. Once you get to the main story, this is blossoms. You have two wonderful main characters in Joe and Gloria. The dialogue is first rate and enhances the characterisations. By the end Joe has his backing and is off to LA, prudently with a minder. I have a feeling he’s going to need it with Mario still around. Great story. I am backing this without reservation. I’d be really grateful if you can find the time to take a look at Bokassa’s Last Apostle in return.

Excellent...the structure of the sentences abnd the dialogue is immaculate...well done...a pleasure to back it!
Good luck
Stewart

This is a clever premise nicely realized. Happy to back it for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

Stunning.
Once again you guys have achieved a riveting, excellent piece of addictive writing. The narrative drags you along and the characterisations are superb.
Congratulations.

You have a great pitch and a good writing style. Strong characters and dialogue are central to this. Backed with pleasure. Colin

I like the idea and conversation. I think you could prolong the scene of Augustin and Albert saying goodbye at the train station. I felt it went a bit fast, and didn't feel I could 'see' them. What were they wearing? What does the station look like? Etc. More detail, please. Also, 'Augustin Prince was a genius'. Is this in the author's eyes? Or maybe 'Everyone kept saying Augustin Prince was a genius'. Otherwise I feel it's being given as fact.
Backed! Great conversations, very real.

Hello – I like to comment as if I was reading your book in a shop or library, just making notes as I go along. I hope this is Ok for you, it works for me and it is fun

Flickers

Like the cover

The pitches are great.

Great start, already you have filled in some of the back story and introduced a gunman suddenly on the train. This has now really captured my interest ergo if I was in the shop looking for a book you are now well on the way to making a sale.

I love that, he has now offered the killer a drink, from his flask no less so they are now going to swap spit. I am finding it very amusing that you are now discussing cabbage, tomato and the creaminess of the Brie. This is very novel writing (excuse that awful pun it wasn’t deliberate)

It really is a great idea, I am sure there have been many people who would actually like the chance to disappear and to be given this push, yes I can see that happening.

The scene setting is good, I can visualize the time because of your little details, for example the gas lamp and the dirt track in the middle of the City. I find the writing style very appealing and easy to read. The pace is good and the story is intriguing and enticing, dealing as it does with a glamorous and exciting time and place in history.

I think that the dialogue is very believable and natural and you have managed to convey the manner of speech without laying it on too heavily.

This is wonderful escapism apart from anything else and you have managed to make it so real and believable that at times I am absolutely transported to the time and the place. This is all I ever ask of a book. That little aside “a clog dancer was getting pelted with bottles” was pure Pratchett, I know that’s probably not what you intended but, from me that is praise indeed. Although I do feel sorry for Joe, I already feel that is all going to come right for him and that’s nice. I wonder if you could get rid of one or two of the F word, I am not a great lover of bad language, I realize that it is necessary sometimes to position something but you seem to go a bit overboard in some of the conversations and I am not absolutely convinced that it was that common years ago anyway. I only mention it because this is a pretty universal book but I do know that bad language does put some people off.

Ah now then, the mud – that’s very important isn’t it, you have sort of skipped over it but we know that it’s important – clever that.

Well there we are the contract is sealed and signed and off they go for a beer. Great stuff I wonder how it will all end. I guess I’ll wait and buy it in Waterstones.

I am popping it on my shelf now and I wish you the very best of luck with it. – Diane

Brilliant opening...the dialogues are crisp and they move the story going quite well...As for Augustin, he's sauve...calm when faced with the boy sent to kill him and negotiating...I love this...

Greetngs Jason & Jonny,

Thanks so much for backing "The Doctor of Summitville" and for calling my attention to "Flickers." I decided to start reading your novel before responding, and I'm now prepared to say I like your pitch and first chapter. The chapter is a "hook" and it's ending a "cliffhanger." Moreover, you've established two characters that definitely come to life.

I have to say, though, that your pitch and chapter would have a better chance of pleasing editors if they contained fewer deviations from standard usage. Permit me to quote my notes.

Pitch:
--[ cutthroat ] is one word. Webster II.
--Lower-case [ Motion Picture ]. Not a proper name.
--Hyphenate [good time ]. Composite adjective before a noun.
--Change [ sleeze ] to [ sleaze ]. Webster.

Chapter 1:
--Consider showing the relationship of Augustin and Albert in the second sentence. [ His big brother Albert thought . . . ]. Then the last sentence of the paragraph could read [ It was hard to say no to Augustin, but he'd already had more . . . ]. This would resolve the pronoun confusion in that line.
--Change [ three-fold ] to [threefold ]. Webster and Chicago Manual of Style.
--Accent the first [ e ] in [ frere ]. Opposite the slant of the accent on [ derriere ].
--Delete [ had ] in [ Albert had countered ].
--Insert a comma after [ exhibition ].
--Change [ patents ] to [ patent ].
--Hyphenate [ fresh faced ].
--Hyphenate [ Franco Prussian ].
--Delete the commas after [ saying yes ] and [ say ].
--Insert a comma after [ money ]. Long compound sentence (two subjects). Especially needed here to avoid
misreading [ future was money and people ].
--Insert comma before [ mon ami ]. Always before a word used in direct address.
--Hyphenate [ sister in law ]. Webster.
--Replace the comma with a period after [ removed the tomato ] or [ forefinger ]. These are two sentences.
--Capitalize [ he took the tomato . . . ], a separate sentence.

Sorry, my friends, but you're up against a compulsive editor. I'll continue reading with great pleasure, but won't have time to edit. You're on your own. But I'll gladly back this exciting novel.

Thanks again, and all the best, Bill

Marinelli is one bad ass mother bitch, the perfect villain.

This rolls along with the pace of a sped up film reel, great fun!

Tim H
Hellbound

Hey, this is good. Good plot, good dialogue. Can´t wait to get to chapter 2.
Susan
Flirting in Spanish

I like the way this book walks – its gait. It exudes charisma and an easy grace. Dialogue performs the dual task of fleshing out character and moving the wheels. Love its lack of clutter. The characters tell their story through their words which are always thoughtfully chosen but don’t wear any work of labour. Flickers is a great title for this reason. Big thumbs up from me.

Oh, I do love this era. I love your writing and this is superb. Nearly as good as 'The Palace' but that is my first love. And guess what? I'm going to back it!!

Susanne xx

Another gem from Lord Dunno's manufactory. Nice to read you again, mylords.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Excellent storyline. I wish you the very best of luck with it. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Hi
Really unique for this site and a rivetting read. I loved the way the story flowed and the characters developed. You've obviously done your research well here.
Backed
DP Walker
Five Dares

Heh, I loved Augustin’s response “If saying yes …” loved his advice about changing jobs, too. This made me laugh out loud, so I’ll come back to read more, and will shelve it. This is a delight.

This story is a winner, I loved the writing style and characterization.
I wish you the best
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

The perfect French in the beginning locates pain with exactness. The historical portion of genre seems to fit the Hollywood scene, let's say of the old days? Au revoir. Backed. Chuck

This sharp, i should say, sharp like any blade. It is sharp, if you press on your brain it reaches your heart but it does not kill you, it will let you live and live with joy. this is up to the point, really. you write well and you could hook with the sharpness you have in your writing. i could write a book about your style, but no time for that. i loved your style, it is just fun. wonderful. backed

shah
the interpreter

Easy to back this, wit, perception, intrigue, great dialogue, enough implied story-interest to drive the narrative for the whole novel. Excellent stuff, nice to read something that I wouldn't think about changing.

Hey there,

I jumped around a bit after chapter one. I like where you're going, but I think you need to set up the period a little more in terms of descriptions of the scenery, drop some hints in by highlighting certain things that would have been obvious walking around your world during those years. Caleb Carr does it well, as do a few other authors. The dialogue is good, but maybe do a little reading up on how people talked back then--could be as easy as inserting certain words here or there.

Of course, this is just from Chapter 1, 3, and a couple other places I popped in to read.

Cully

J&J -

Your opening chapter was hands down the best, most witty and funniest run-in with a hitman I've ever read.

I'm very happy to back Flickers. (Btw, that's also the title of a movie released in the mid-seventies about the early motion picture biz. The only name I can remember from the cast is Burt Reynolds. It was a pretty decent comedy, and it might have been directed by Peter Bogdanovich.)

If you could take a look at my book, I'd appreciate it.

Best of luck here.

- Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

This is so well written and great fun, the dialogue is very slightly unbelievable, but a hoot. Backed with real pleasure.
BADD

Hello Jason and Jonny. You have a great story here. The early cinema connection works really well and your characters are so well drawn. How on earth did your MC persuade the would-be assassin, to jump out of a train? You have a really good old-world charm and character to your writing, some great hooks and all in all a most entertaining read. SHELVED with pleasure.

Phyllis
A Passing Storm

I love this kind of quaint writing. I live in France so was very interested in reading your book just from the pitch alone. Your MC certainly has the gift of the gab if he can persuade a paid killer to allow him to go free.

This is set up nicely for an intriguing read.

Happily shelved

Melxx

Brilliant pitches, seriously. This is good writing and an entertaining story. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

A smooth, easy read with a great Old Hollywood feel.
The accents are very well done, with the exception of one line in chapter three: "'scuse me, please, if I appear sceptical." This girl would say 'seem', not 'appear'.
And the last line in the chapter should read "He'd better get moving."

I recommend it. It's fun.

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From The Beginning)

Within a short space of time you've hooked me to your story. Backed with pleasure, Sana x

What a great book! On eof my favorite on thios site because it lack demons and fairies and vampires bujt instead deals with much much scarier things - real people in Hollywood! This is my kind of book because it is my genre however it is also very well written with smart descriptive prose and you both have a real gift for dialogue - Excellent and I promise to be back to read more but BACKED for now!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Backing this for the excellent story telling, and the thrilling opener.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

Lots of dialogue, all perfect , no bugs ,a clean open style - well written - much potential. Ishelved your book so good luck for the future.!

Hi guys. Good to have you back. Your humour warrants a spin on my shelf. ( boy, doesn't that sound grand? ;) )
But I have to protest....
Mind if I sit here? Sounds American? --- You're 'aving a larf!
And....
Whaddya mean it depends? --- In 1890's France...I should cocoa!

You two thought of starting a language school for the terminally confused?
All the best,
Helen ( still editing All Expenses Paid ) Ducal

Dunno,

Once again--as always--a pleasure.

Shelved, of course.

Very, very funny. I love the deadpan wit, especially when Irish socks the director so nonchalantly and walks off with Gloria on his arm.
Backed with pleasure
-Piers

I'm really enjoying your characters! You write out their accents really well--it's easy to visualize each person speaking. I'm putting Flickers on my shelf.
Iris

PS. In the beginning, the French is actually "la derrière" and "mon frère."

You've created a nice little world here and peopled it with a wild assortment of dubious characters. I wanted to go across the street with Joe and Sir Stanley.

The last line of the first chapter is my favourite, 'He leapt out, twisted his ankle and tumbled down the embankment into history,' Clever and stylish like all the writing here. Intrigued by Le Prince and what happens to him. So easy to read and a short chapter which due to bad concentration I prefer. The dialogue and the narration run along side by side seamlessly. I am not really quaified to crit so these are just thoughts. All the best.
Backed
Christina
From Under the Bed

This is excellent, I love anything to do with the movies anyway. The opening is excellent with the two brothers and then leaving on a sour note, I felt quite sorry for the one that was left behind. On the train things completely turn around and take a very dramatic twist and it works brilliantly. Excellent writing that is so easy to follow and has excellent pace, backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

God this is really good. From that first chapter with Le Prince and the assassin and then onto chapter two and the hit man - liked the twist at the end of that chapter. Then it does slow down a bit with Joe and Kelly and their work in the flickers but then I guess it has to after those two explosive chapters. The dialogue is brilliant - I can hear the accents in my head. I am just waiting to see what the story will be with Joe because that hasn't kicked in yet and I'm up to chapter 6. However, I am quite happy to come along for the ride and I trust you as a writer to satisfy me.
Backed without hestitation.

Loved the first chapter, and I am dying to know what happened to Le Prince...my feeling is that he will surface somewhere where they make movies...this is a fun story, well written, and it does take you back to the times. I had to read all eight chapters, so you know how to keep the readers interested! Can't wait to read the rest, happy to back it!

This really moves, great pacing and a beautifully realized gallery of characters, particularly Joe and the appalling Sandra. Your premise is irresistible--well, we all love the sleeze and glamour of the movies. Then there's the titillating mystery of Joe's back story in Ireland, and the puzzle of the first chapter. I enjoyed the unexpectedness of Augustin's encounter with the killer on the train. I was as surprised as he was!
I think the dialogue is handled with tremendous skill and in-your-face authenticity. The story is narrated with great energy, as well as control and gusto. It's a page turner--I had to read it all.
One nit pick--sorry. I had reservations about the rather zealous use of the words "f***" and "f***ing". To me they sounded too modern for the period. I didn't think they were commonly colloquial then, at any level of society. Am I wrong?
Backed, with scandalous expectations!
Jann King ("Making Connections")