Darq Tide

Darq Tide,

As a first chapter, this has all the right ingredients - lies, vengeance, magic and rivalry, and the power of naming/renaming - it has my full attention. Two things distracted me from the originality of your plot. One is Lord Varisee, called the Dark Lord. Too reminiscent of Lord Voldemort, also called the Dark Lord. The other is trivial; "the two witch's" needs to be "the two witches' "

I Look forward to seeing what happens to this. Backed with pleasure.

Rachel
Guardian of the Pegasus

Darq Tide

Your writing style is perfect for this type of book, lyrical and almost gothic.
You introduce a lot of characters in your prologue, which slowed me a little (wonder how many are superfluous). I like the opening description in 1, however in my mind’s eye a little more descriptive sound wouldn’t go amiss. I think overall what impressed me the most was the impressively imaginative, intelligent storyline, so, so well told.

Stewart,

I read, wondering how Mortlock would feel when, ultimately, it would come to fighting his father. Granted Lord Varisee has trained him to return and do just this to avenge the deaths of his sister and mother, will he fall short of being able to kill his own father? This, of course, will be the measure of his grief over the unnecessary killing of his mother and sister.
The strength of your main character is also brought out in dialogue which wastes no words but serves to faithfully focus on advancing the storyline. And it's your skill as a storyteller which is, perhaps, the most obvious strength you have. I'm looking forward to learning more about the role of the mysterious Kerina Locke
in a story which is full of intrigue.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

DARQ TIDE:

Stewart,

The passion you bring to your writing is very evident in the few chapters I read of your exciting YA fantasy. I love the immediacy of your writing. No telling. All showing. Just as though we could see it all happening before our eyes. Excellent blend of action, dialogue and exposition. Characters well rounded and dialogue realistic.

A jolly good read .

Backed, with pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

DARQ TIDE:

Stewart,

The passion you bring to your writing is very evident in the few chapters I read of your exciting YA fantasy. I love the immediacy of your writing. No telling. All showing. Just as though we could see it all happening before our eyes. Excellent blend of action, dialogue and exposition. Characters well rounded and dialogue realistic.

A jolly good read .

Backed, with pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

I like stories that whisk me away from my ordinary world to a new and different one. I also find stories about twins interesting. So this story caught my attention on two levels. You've created a complex world here; populated it with interesting characters. It's a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

You paint your world well. I could really see it, like a stage play. The characters seemed like they could quite easily be from a mob movie. I once saw a Shakespeare's MacBeth done as a modern gangster film and this brought about the same sort of feeling of dark power plays made by the ruthless. No real crits as you seemed to have polished your novel well from what I have read. More than happy to back this.
David
Bailey of the Saints

The prologue benefits from a strong opening. Mortlock and the Dark Lord engaged from the beginning. Excellent. This is well-written and draws the reader in from the get-go. Good descriptive passages that gives us the feel for these characters. Then some great dialogue moves the story along at a fine pace. Must read on but stopped long enough to add this to my shelf. I believe this has a much wider appeal than Y/A!

Lovin' the dialogue, even if I can't pronounce the character's names... I just give them nicknames like Mort and Sophie.

You paint an interesting picture here.

Shelved,
Dan
Demons and Other Inconveniences

Dear SJ Ropkins,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You begin with Mortlock’s trepidation of the Dark Lord clutching his shoulder. I like your description of the Dark Lord’s tempestuous voice. Mortlock narrowly escaped death at his father’s hands and has had years to nurture his hatred. You have a lavish description of the room with its painted and woven monsters. The old woman has a fun voice to her, calling the Prince an “ankle snapper” of a boy. The shiny silver box becomes instantly sinister, since it arose from her “vile” robes. It contains the essence of Serpika, a dangerous serpent created by a witch whose madness alarms either others of her coven. As you've given Mortlock a sympathetic past, it sets up the opportunity for him to revert to good and side with the heroes against evil.

In my fallible opinion, I’m not sure the phrase “Dark Lord” sits right with me without preamble. Perhaps you’d be best served holding off that honorarium until we see or at least hear of him doing something nefarious.

You have a swath of villains here that I’m sure will provide amble antagonism to the story’s heroes. Bravo! Backed, and best wishes.

Stewart, good job on the prologue and first chapter. Good dialogue also. Nothing to nitpick in these two sections.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Hi SJ,
What can I say - you grabbed my attention and didn't let go. Utterley compeling premise and written brilliantly - Shelved with pleasure.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Added to my WL.

Eric Grizzle
Frederic and Unbroken Promise

What a storyteller and tale you are telling. Wonderful work, words, scenes and characters, will definately be back to read some more, but will back in the meantime. Would love to hear your comments about Emily - since you have the fantasy knack and it's always good to get advice from someone as imaginative as you are :-) Well done, Ta - Karen

I thoroughly enjoyed this you have a great story telling voice and your premise is a good one.

Nicely written with great descriptions and wonderful imagination.

Happily backed

Melxx
impeding Justice

Hmm, your pitch is basically telling the whole story. I know there will be some twists and such, but too much information is already given away to hold onto the reader's interest. I kind of don't want to read it anymore because of that. You should fix that, maybe then I'll give it another try. No hard feelings!!! I'm just trying to be honest.

SJ

Darq Tide - Morteaus, seeking the sister that holds a secret. Great telling, the writing chimes. Happy to support this story. You may want to break the pitch into two or three paragraphs to make it easier on the eye for the screen readers here.
Best success, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Reading the opening for this kind of reminds me of Star Wars and the Anakin turning to the dark side, hope that isn't offensive in any way. I love the way you set the scene and beautifully convey in one sentence how menacing Lord Varisee is. Excellent descriptions that just flowed so well and made me want to read on. Backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Your pitch promises an exciting plot with an unusual setting and lots of action. Mortlake (or Morteaus, in your pitch?) is an interesting person. He has been trained by the Dark Lord, Lord Varisee, to go back to his own country and fight against his father in an attempt to get revenge for the deaths of his mother and sister. There is a mystery here. Who is the villain? Is it Mortlake's father, and is the story about him true, or is it Lord Varisee, who is surely not named the Dark Lord for no reason? Violatine is a weird character, who, we suspect, is not on Mortlake's side in spite of what she says. You move your plot on quickly, hooking us in, and your characters are interesting people whom we want to know more about. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Not my ususal read, but the descriptions did it for me. backed, Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

This proves to be an excellent start to a fantasy fairy tale, geared toward the YA market, but one I think audiences of all ages will enjoy. You've certainly got a great mind for description, using phrases like "giving the sky a streaky blood red hue" / "a jamboree of excitement" / "for weeks he'd been able to expel those eyes from his thoughts" / "Hazeline let out a titter..." Those are just a few of the phrases I marked that (in my opinion) give colour to the story. What's more, I was really intrigued by the distinct dialects you weave into the words and dialogue of your characters - the rough and slangy voice of Violatine versus the rich and formal delivery of Hazeline and Mortlock. There's a lot of depth here to your characters and writing - very well done!

Couple of notes I wrote as I read... First, I do think you should consider adding more to your long pitch. You've got some room there to add to the content - give the readers a little more of the storyline, make them want to dive into the pages.

I also noted several places where you are using semicolons where a comma is probably the better form of punctuation. Agents don't like them, so I'm repeatedly told - I'm a serial offender. Examples of this are in paragraphs seven and 10. In paragraph 8, "twenty one" needs a hyphen (twenty-one). In paragraph 11, you need a full stop after "vigour." In paragraph 18, a full stop after "steps back." Just a few places where you can polish your punctuation... Overall, I have enjoyed what I've read. I see this is the first in a series - can't wait to see what else you have in store! Backed with pleasure.

Jared
Mummy's Boy

SJ-

Your voice lends itself well to this type of fiction, but your pitches are still a little rough

I think you are a good enough writer to make them work, so I'm backing your book.

Best of luck here.

- Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Throw both pitches into the forums and have people help you out with it. I am SHELVING in advance. I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

SJ-

Really enjoyed the first few chapters. You have a great voice for this type of fiction; draws the reader right in and loosen its grip.

Like others here, I can see how this could easily grow into a series and I wish you the best of luck with it.

Backed.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Happy to back this book. You have a lovely writing style that draws the reader in and will appeal to many age groups. The place and character names really give the book a distinct feel and there is a level of mystery which is inviting.
I can see how this story could evolve into a truly epic fantasy tale requiring a number of books. Upload some more!!

Happy to back this book. You have a lovely writing style that draws the reader in and will appeal to many age groups. The place and character names really give the book a distinct feel and there is a level of mystery which is inviting.
I can see how this story could evolve into a truly epic fantasy tale requiring a number of books. Upload some more!!

Really interested in reading more of this. I think this plot is great and your descriptions are very detailed. I enjoyed it and am happy to back it. Best of luck!
Jessica Barton
Life Up High

Very confident writing style. It flows nicely and is easy to read. You are wonderfully descriptive, and, from what I have read so far, your characters are authentic and well drawn. In all a very promising story. Good luck with this. GJ