A Kiss to Remember

I haven't had a chance to read through the entire story yet, but I really liked what I read and it drew me in straight away - I will definately come back to it and enjoy the pleasure of finishing it!

Because time did not permit, I stopped somewhere in chapter 2. But I must say that I think that the story is an awesome Idea and it is a nice read (from the mouth of a hopeless romantic). I saw a couple of errors that a bit of editing can correct, but that's what editors are for right? As soon as I get time, I plan on coming back to read more. Good job.

Love this love story
Backed with pleasure
Abel Kane
The Alchemists' Cookbook

This definitely should appeal to your target market. Well done, and a pleasure for me to back it.

Good luck with it,

Amy
Love Match

I have to sound like dumb Monica - OMG - you are going to leave me like this on the last line. I have always loved stories like this, but tell you that yours truly is wonderful and I will pray for the success of your book. I hardly ever get through all ten thousand words in one read and am supposed to be working on my own stuff, but I was pulled right on in and LOVE the book! I love Catherine right away, and the way that you go between her and Michael is so smooth and keeps me right on line with the both of them. I feel for both characters right away and can't wait until this hits the bookshelves because I will buy it. I love it! Wish that you had more on here so I could continue reading, but I only put up three chapters myself in my novel, so I understand. I just hate it that I can't keep reading because I wanted to get to the way he would "court" her. Good luck - you are on my permanent bookshelf. Jen (Bridges)

Tight prose! Good first chapter I think you nailed your genre. I'll be back to read more.

Cheers,
Dwayne

Very interesting story, my dear. I like the pitch, however if you try to not repeat " Michael and Catherine are lovers who come back lifetime after lifetime" may be it will look better. You have said in the short pitch already. I read the first chapter and I have found it is an amazing fantasy story. How can you come up with the idea of having only MIchael remember it is Catherine, but Catherine. You make the reader wonder and wants to read more. Great story. I love the title. You must like kissing a lot... I want to back your book right away as I really admire your fantaisy and writing style. When will you get the pic of the cover?
Backed,
Bamboo Promise
PS: I will not stop reading your story. I want to know how Michael connect to Catherine.

Firstly, best of luck in the awards. I can see why it got so far. This is a fantastic piece, so well thought out and creating such wonderful juxtaposing situations that create the conflict. You do not treat the audience as if they were children, nor patronise their intelligence, which some YA authors slip into.

Great work and backed!
Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules are made to be broken." - Relic

A KISS to Remember: Love, love, love this! You have a great YA voice in both Michael and Catherine. I love that he has to seek her and that she's a movie star. And that they just can't meet, they have to kiss. What can I say, I'm a sucker for romance. :) Let me know when you upload more.

Heidi
Pearl Edda

The YA aspects of college, guitar music, film industry aspirations and daily life at home all connect with most readers. A suggestion is to click on the "cherry symbols" below to highlight those of benefit to your work. The FAQ on the Home Page explains the procedure. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Great premise! there are some themes here that are similar to my story.
Backed.
xBeccaX
The First Phoenix

So strange - I just read a book (kind of timeless mystery) based on the same premise - differences in age of target audience and conflict withstanding.

Yours is much better. All the necessary aspects have been utilized to their fullest potential - especially the characterizations. The emotional urgency compels the reader forward. I just read Famlavan's comment, and while I see what he means, I think for the YA audience that strategy suits perfectly. It is more challenging to keep the tension peaked right from the getgo, rather than build to it, but I think you pulled it off handily. Well done, and backed.

A Kiss to Remember

I like this very, very much, however it has me in a bit of a quandary. I don’t know if this would be a stronger start if you just hinted at Michaels quest, creating a hook for the reader, or, as it is Mmm.
I sense, there's some of you in the writing style, which to me is perfect for this book. Intelligent, imaginative and threaded with romance the storyline is very good

A KISS TO REMEMBER:

Janene,

What an absolutely delightful premise, and from your pitch I can see that you have crafted the perfect plot for a fantasy romance.

And I loved it right from the start. Lovely flowing prose. Crisp, realistic dialogue. Great blending of action, dialogue and exposition. Great inner dialogue from Catherine gives terrific insight into her character.

Poor Michael. I couldn't help feeling sorry for him, but he's not content just to dream about Catherine. He's going to do something about it. And Catherine too. I have sympathy for her having to endure such crazy schedule. And you feel you want to tell her that Michael is trying to find her. And you end each chapter on such a good note.

I don't know if this novel is aimed only at the American market, but if it is going to the English market, you would omit the word back from two sentences. "I'll be back down . . ." and "he took the magazine back out . . ." In both these cases "back" is superfluous.

You are a fine writer, and I wish you all the luck in the competition.

Backed.
Sheila Mary Taylor (Pinpoint)

Read up to chapter three, love the premise to this and the fact that the characters are driven to find each other.

Great dialogue and therefore I'm happy to back it.

Best of luck with it in the competition too!
Melxx

Backed with pleasure. Enjoyable chick lit.
Best wishes,
M (Weekend Chimney Sweep)

Janene, your first two chapters are a smooth read. Good mix of narrative and dialogue. In chapter one, fifth paragraph, no need to write that he pulled the magazine from under his shirt. You already mention in the second paragraph that he slipped it under his shirt. I would redo that sentence as: Then he pulled out the magazine.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

A Kiss to Remember

What a great storyline!
I like how the dialogue makes this so special and drives the story, while your narrative keeps this grounded right up to the doorway.
To me this is this genre at its best –Hope it does well

I read all of it as your chapters were quite short. What I would say is that this perfect for your target audience. It is contemporary, yet with elements of a classic old fashioned romance. Your pace is even and enticing, drawing the reader into Michael and Catherine strange lasting and continual romance. I just felt like I hadn't really seen this concept before. It is clever, life affirming and touching. I wish you all the best with it. I am certain there is a huge market for your work. Carl. The Time HUnters.

I must admit I picked up this book because my parents go by the names of your protagonists. I found it a very clever premise, you seemed to have mixed in elements of classic fairytales with classic love stories of cinema.
I found your writing highly accessible and enjoyable. I'd been keen to see how it plays out.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

This is a clever idea for a story: star crossed lovers meet in other lives. Like the way you set part of it at UCLA. Both of your main characters are likable. Makes a reader want to follow this and see if that magical kiss will happen. Makes it a good read. Burgio (Grain of SAlt).

Janene: I can see why ABNA chose your book - your vrebs are muscular, the story hits the ground running and doesn't stop. All best with this - I think you will do well. Backed. Cynthia Drew, Tabernacle

This is fab. I am loving this and only stopped to comment.

I will be coming back for more, this goes on my list of 'ones to read'.

Jo xx

Spoilt

Thanks for your story, Janene. Hope you'll read mine, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not & my unedited version, Tell Me True Love Stories of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.
Please back my TWO books.Thanks, Susie :)

This is written perfectly for your genre. No doubt you'll be able to attract attention for this YA novel. I'm gonna be honest I am outta my league but good storytelling is good storytelling and you have it here. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

This is beautiful - plain and simple - great writing, passion and down to earth prose! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Janene, you've got a lovely delicate touch as a writer, perfect for Romance / YA in particular, and the fantasy element brings out another level of intrigue. The premise is steeped in romanticism, even if Michael's recurring dilemma is far from the norm we quickly associate ourselves with him and his efforts to make contact with his spiritual 'other half', Catherine.
Your short pitch is excellent. The opening of the long pitch, 'Michael and Catherine are lovers who come back lifetime after lifetime. Too bad Catherine doesn’t know it. In order for her to remember Michael must find her and kiss her,' however, is a virtual repetition of the short pitch and thus dilutes its effectiveness in my view.
I've read all you've posted, a single chapter split into subsections, with pleasure. The final line, 'There, in the doorway, stood Catherine' is an excellent link. The real story starts here, now read on...
Backed.
Jared (Mummy's Boy)

Janene:

A Kiss to Remember has all the promise of being a hit. The story is very original and I can easily see this appealing to young females. The hint of promised love spanning time is a hard teaser to resist.

Backed with the best of luck,
Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

Janene,
Good voice for the genre. Clean, well edited prose.
I would change the unde lines to italics.
Other than that, well done.
MickR - The Nightcrawler

Hi Janene -- JD has said it all. What a good man he is.
I've enjoyed what I've read and backed you. The Hindu lila (love-play) of Shiva and his wife -Parvati, sits well with this western story of love. Good luck and best wishes for your work, Barry
(Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Janene,

Further to your request--and I must thank Helen for the reference--here I am.

Starting with the pitch. I like the short version (it's probably not a work for me, but I have a teenage daughter and some familiarity with the genre).

The long pitch covers all the things I'd look for in a pitch: the characters, the setting, the initiating event, obstacles faced and the story question. And yet it doesn't quite grab me. I'm not quite sure why, but I think it's a question of voice. The short pitch has rythmn and a teen feel ('Problem?') but the long version seems, to me, a little dry, just a listing of the particulars. Of course that might just be me.

Into the work proper. Let's start by looking closely at the opening fourteen lines, roughly the first page. The question I ask here, is would I turn the page? Your fourteen lines take me 'Remembering his last memory of her he smiled'.

The answer is yes: The last two paras do it. Here you're foreshadowing the premise and I'm want to read on to find out more. However, some observations on the paras leading up to this:

--opening sentence, I'd be inclined to try and turn this around so that it ends with him spotting the magazine;
--there's an echo of 'checked' between paragraphs one and two;
--love 'the woman had ears like a bat'
--Michael's first line of dialogue I'd be tempted to omit 'back'.
--in para two I thought he'd made it to his room, but then after the dialogue, I find he hasn't.
--and there are quite a few sensing verbs (spotted, checking, scanned) that distance me a little from the MC's PoV, these verbs tend to have a telling effect.

Now reading on. I notice you're using underling for emphasis, which is a little old-fashioned, most editors and publisher now seem to favour italics directly in the MS.

'Muttered [aloud]'--I'm not sure you can mutter any other way . . .

Now, the end of chapter one: the penultimate pragraph--echoing the short pitch--is great. The last paragraph? I'm not sure it adds anything. Me, I'd take that one out.

My only other observation on chapter one is that for such a short chapter you have quite a lot of exposition here. (Though scrolling back up it just three paragraphs--from 'To complicate matters' to 'Without her, he was nothing.'--which, I guess goes to show how exposition can drag--or perhaps I just have a short attention span.

Chapter two, switches viewpoints and deftly emphasises the difference that Michael was concerned about at the end of chapter one (I really don't think that you need that last para now)--but gives a hint that there's hope: Catherine may have a crush on a Holywood heart throb, but she's knows something's missing.

Chapter three has more exposition, but here it's worked more seemlessly into the narrative and the development of the story. I think this is a better place for it, explaining the first chapter.

One thing I notice in this chapter is that a lot of your dialogue is buried in narrative or preceded by tags or beats. For me dialouge is more efffective when it stands out on the page. You might want to consider some of the paragraphing and the ordering.

So three chapters in, as much as most agents will read--if you're lucky--and this is beginning to work for me. I feel the first chapter, despite some strong points--the end of the first page and the closing paragraphs--is perhaps the weakest. After that the story arc develps well and exposition is deftly handled.

You've said not to back, but were I that agent I think I'd request a 'full' and so, on that basis, I'm going to give this a spin on my shelf anyway.

An unusual love story of two people in love who have lived through bygone lives. I like it because of the different story line, the reincarnation of two in love. I am backing this and hope you will look at my offering, Three Stayed Home a WW2 adventure and love story. Much different to yours but I hope you might enjoy it. JohnJ

Careful crafted prose with polished charcters and diolouge. C W Shelfed.

Hi Janene, This is interesting - I kind of agree with Dawn, below, about voices, though. Or you could put both of them in first person. I'm not a huge YA reader but I can see this appealing absolutely to its target audience. Backed. Good luck with it! AnneX (PS Fix your pitch - lovers who come back - not comes.)

Hi Janene,

Well, I didn't get bored until the end of chapter 4

Interesting idea. You write well, so why am I a little dissatisfied? I think it's because you don't really establish Michael that well. I kept wondering what sort of 4 year old he was, with all that history in his mind. Learn to read, to talk? Well all that should have been accomplished almost from birth.

Had I written this. I would have had a sudden rush of memory overtake him at 16 (say). You could have him thrown back in time with vignettes from their past. That would make a lot more sense. Somehow you have to convince us of their true love, right from the start. Perhaps you need a prologue?

Worth a shelf for the writing and the concept, but you need to convince your readers of the situation to get us to read on.

Oh and put it into proper chapters on here

John Booth

It's real, especially from the dialogue point of view, yet it's mysterious and romantic too - deeply romantic with the idea of loving someone through many lifetimes. My only cavil is the underlined words. Apart from that miniscule thing, I love it. Backed. Lynn

Interesting premise and the notion to tell the story from both perspectives is good. I think it would have grabbed me more if Micheal side (the disgruntled seeker) was told in first person and Catherine was told in third person.
Might make the story a little more unique and allow you to help us feel Michael's angst, frustration and needs. It would also create emotional distance between him and Catherine, since she can't remember him. When they find each other a nice touch might be to blend the point of view. Just a thought. The beauty of writing is that it is YOUR book and you can do what ever you want with it. I only make the suggestion because it seems that what ever we can do to make our stories more unique, makes them more marketable. Yours does not fall into a genre, unless you want it to be classified as a romance novel, but it seems better than that label.
Dawn De Remer