Wicked Game

I thought the name ‘the Priestess’ very poignant. I liked it. Conjured imagery of mystery and intrigue.

I found a couple of word repeated (study/studying) when in my view a better option might have sounded better, eg:-

Her (study) had shown that her prey.. . Her research had shown that her prey

Subtly she began to (study) the man . . . Subtly she contemplated the man

He was (studying) to gaze at her. . . . (say that out loud, it doesn’t sound right). . He gazed at her levelly ?

Also the word ‘began’ I would be frugal with its use. Ie:-

She (began) to focus on the task in hand...... She focused on the task in hand

As they (began) to walk up the stone step.. . . As they walked up the stone steps.

I once attended a speech given by a literary agent who said.

‘Can you begin to die? Can you begin to fall off a cliff? So why the hell would characters begin to do anything else, set them to the task in hand and be done with it’ Her words had a great impact on me, I never forgot it.

I liked the face that your dialogue did much to advance the plot, as much if not more than the narrative. I know that thriller writers are under pressure to keep to pace, even when filling in backdrop, you do that well...I notice you have self published. Best of luck to you. That’s a bit step.

I enjoyed the read. Shelved with pleasure.


Wilma1 - Knowing Liam Riley - I hope you like it

Christopher, cracking thriller, I've enjoyed reading the chapters you've posted. Hope the book is doing well on lulu.com
Paula L (Rollover)

Hullo Brian. One killer to another,...you just cannot trust anyone anymore! Great story already shelved and backed
please consider mine. Thanks



Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Reminds me of the movies "Reindeer Games" mixed with "S.F.W."

Those pitches are brilliant, which is hard to do with me. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Backing this for the thrilling opener.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

This is one of the best written pitchs here hands down - and the story proper does not disappoint! WOW you have an incredible gift for pacing and descriptive narrative. Even though Jack is a criminal - I like him - well done! BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is one of the best written pitchs here hands down - and the story proper does not disappoint! WOW you have an incredible gift for pacing and descriptive narrative. Even though Jack is a criminal - I like him - well done! BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Nicely done! This is well-written and provides page after page of fast-paced thrills and excitement. Shelved.

-j

This is great, it grabs you right away and never lets go! It was exciting and I really enjoyed this. Almost felt like an episode of 24, because of the pacing. I loved it!

Missy

Lulu is great. An easy and affordable way to make your book available to yourself and the public. I'd recommend it. If you have any questions, let me know!

Wonderful read. Gripping the reader and engaging in a intrigue of light and shawdows of a lift he once left and feels drawn back too. C W

Wonderful read. G

very descriptive, and a good read. I would be interested in your view point of publishing with lulu.

A winning thriller which many who love this genre will dive into head first! Attention-grabbing and very well developed. On my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Happy to back you, sir.

Rodney

Oh yeah! This is definitely my kind of book. Grabs you by the throat and forces you to imbibe. Fast-paced thriller, with all the earmarks of a best seller. Backed and best of luck with it!
Joe Perrone Jr.
As The Twig Is Bent
Opening Day

This is already published, but I'm going to comment anyway because it may help you with future writing :)
i don't think you need a semicolon before so perfect. that can be another comma.
She realised that her time in this line of work... I think you can cut "that" from that sentence. It's a waste word--one of those words [that] you can cut without missing. see where you can delete it. keep it where it is needed for sentence clarity.
It didn't [really] matter [that] the case was intruiging. I think you can cut both really and that from that sentence.
What mattered was [that] the policeman... (cut that)
Your main issue in writing really seems to be this "that" issue. "Her study had shown [that] her prey lived in a plush flat near there.
When you wrote "she began to study" you can say "she studied" began is good for actions that aren't completed.
LMAO AT THE MCDONALDS! his humor makes him charming.
I really liked the first scene. The chapter as a whole seems long, so I stopped there. You may want to see if there is a way you can tighten it up. (I just realized it's a prologue!) I would have suggested splitting it but if it must be a prologue instead of a first chapter than you may be better off finging a way to tighten it up and share the prologue in less words.
I'm putting this on my shelf. If you feel inspired to do so, please give my book a read as well.
xBeccaX
The First Phoenix

Good first paragraph. Hooks the reader straight away. Ok. I wasn’t disappointed. The prologue was excellent! I was totally enthralled, and if there were any errors in there, I didn’t notice them. Gripping. I love the way you make us feel sorry for the man and then at the end he has been stringing her along. I also love the familiar settings. Your writing style is professional and easy to read. Great stuff. Good luck with this. GJ

Usually i don't like such beautiful stories interrupted by famaliar name such Picaddily tube station, or anything else, but i did not mind yours, there is something in your story the use of such places did not distract me from enjoying your story. i back it with pleasure, you may want to still consider dropping the names or changing them, but it is just my thoughts.

shah