Heart's Desire

Great historical romance. Can't help thinking about "Gone with the Wind" or "North and South" when one thinks about southern plantations, and that irresistable southern draw ... ya all know what'cha mean?
I like this and back it. Can go reading for hours...
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"

Chrysta,
I approached this with hesitance, expecting it to read like of a romance novel. I'm so glad I took the time to actually investigate it. Well, I read the first three chapters, so far. Heart's Desire offers a sweep and richness similar to Gone With the Wind, only, your writing, in my opinion, is better. I was immediately and pleasantly immersed into the story. Loved the opening interchange that Ariana had with Will (great character). The tension surrounding Duncan. And the coziness arising from her encounter with Jamie. I enjoyed being in your story, which is very much to your credit. Brava. 6 stars from me!
Will come back to read more when I can. Best.
And Cheers!
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

You had me with "Ya can't be serious, Miss?"

The tale you weave is inthralling, mysterious and smooth.

I enjoyed reaching each chapter and wanted more.

I'm not a long critiquer, especially when I can't find much wrong.

Oh, yeah, I'm here from the Romance Crit Group.

Great job.

Lisa / Cheyenne - A Timeless Series Novel, Book One

Romance Crit:

Title: It's probably been used in variation before-- maybe try something like 'A Woman in Need'? It can be hard to come up with something completely fresh when you're writing romance like this.
Plot: I like it-- the motivation is there, the wheels are turning to set the stage.
Pacing: The pacing is actually really good. It reads just like something I'd pick up off the shelf, which gives points to you because normally I can always find something to nitpick about in this area.
Characters: I like Ariana, and her streak of pride and stubborness is believable, though perhaps her downfall. Why doesn't she question William about his behavior, pay more attention to her lands, keep a tighter rein on things and a sharper eye when all these 'accidents' start to happen? Unfortunately the fact that someone is sabotaging her plantation and yet she hasn't decided to take measures to catch the bastard makes her seem naive and stupid in that regard. But otherwise I can see how it would come about, especially if she doesn't have anyone reliable and trustworthy to help her out-- plus, she IS just sixteen. Not to mention you needed all this to happen to drive her north seeking her uncle.

POV: No problems there.
Sentence structure: Surprisingly, it's pretty good. Nothing really stood out.
Dialogue: Didn't find anything wrong here.
Originality: Well, can't honestly say variations on this haven't been done before, but you've made this your own story, which is good, and I think it will appeal to your market when you get it on the shelves.

I'm sorry I didn't have more to say. Honestly, this book is the closest I have read on the site to being ready for publication-- at least from what I've seen. The errors and glitches are the fewest I've seen, and your story is something I would pick up if I were looking for a regular-old historical romance while browsing the shelves (I do read them-- just not as much as paranormals!). Good luck, and thanks for joining the group!

Here's my critiqe, so far as you've uploaded...
Chrysta Mane – Heart’s Desire: Your story is truly a delight to read. Once I started, I could not stop. It’s just the story I look for to read, perfect for what I like to curl up with. I would definitely buy Heart’s Desire in a book store. My only disappointment is that it is incomplete. I would love to finish it. Ariana, Jamie, and Martha are easy to love. Duncan Frayne easy to hate. Good luck with your story and its success! You deserve it! ;) Ellise ~ The Governess ~

Great research on the historical aspects of Southern living. Now I'm an avid fan of romances linked to the sea especially secret or forbidden ones having spent a good bit of time on the ocean. Your dialogue and story are excellent and your characters compelling. Tension and atmosphere are as we say in my native tongue "lagniappe". I will read further and provide more review.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

Hi Chrysta,
I like the character you've created with Ariana, she is gutsy and tenacious, but I got a sense of her vulnerability as wll. Love the scene where she is proposed to - her reaction is very revealling of her character. There was a nice balance of dialogue and description and the setting is appealling.
I found the switch in POV slightly disorientating, in the first few paragraphs where she is discussing the offer with the foreman, and again at the bank where you switch to mention the thoughts of the bank manager. Apart from that (which might just be me...) the writing flowed well and swept me along.
One typo I noticed - 'not a religious person, Ariana added a pray (er??) for help...' Pray should be prayer I presume.
Overall I found this to be an enjoyable historical romance.
Melissa
Lessons in the Dark

A good opening although not the genre that I usually read. You certainly seem to capture the era and there is a certain sense of mystery and problems to come.
Kathryn

Wonderful classic story. Written beautifully and yes - like a few have already said reminded me of Gone with the wind. Gone with the wind has been one of my favourite films but I cant say I've read the book.
Heart's Desire is one of those books you have to keep reading. Chapter one was amazing, especially the confrontation with Duncan Frayne.
Its magical, its addictive and Highly starred!
Junetee(Four Corners)

A nice, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

i really like your writing and your premise. this book is well told. i relate to ships and sailing and such having lived on a sailboat for three months in the greek isles...
j
what every woman should know

I read the first chapter and though I am no expert I can not understand how this book has not reached the ed's desk. It is superbly written with wonderful dialogue and characterization. I only small qualm , I found the chapter a little long.You are definately a gifted writer! I sincerely enjoyed reading this and plan on returning to read the other 2 chapters. Highly starred and on my WL.
Regards, Red
Illusions of Comfort

I read the first chapter of your book, and it is very well written. It is slow paced, but that just helps to develop your story.
Your words choices are very well scoped out to fit your time period.
It has a drawing pitch, title, and lovely cover.
I like the way your style is elegant!
Grand work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please consider reading my pirate adventure Driving Winds. There is a heroine, sword fights, ships, and it is all set in the 1700's.

You are a picture perfect author. I just read through the first two chapters and you write beautifully. This isn’t my usual genre but I really enjoyed your story. You mix just the right portions of action, dialogue and description making your work a smooth enjoyable read. High stars to this one. Thank you so much, I can’t wait to see more.

You are a picture perfect author. I just read through the first two chapters and you write beautifully. This isn’t my usual genre but I really enjoyed your story. You mix just the right portions of action, dialogue and description making your work a smooth enjoyable read. High stars to this one. Thank you so much, I can’t wait to see more.

Nothing like a good ol' fashioned historical romance to whille away a few hours with. This one does not dissappoint.

Sharon
"Lykaia"

Love the historical setting; can picture the characters. Martha made me smile offering to defend Ariana from the advances of Duncan with her rolling pin. Such detail bring the story to life and add colour to the characters. You have created an admirable woman in Ariana and one that as a reader I care about. Well done and wishing you lots of luck. Maria :)

Hi Chrysta

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

Aw come on! Where's the rest?!lol I need to know how this building romance ends. Such a wonderful story. Ariana is a strong female character, who has taken on more than most 16 years could. I honestly can't wait to find out what happens. Hopefully it gets posted on here!

Good luck!

Janelle Stalder

Heart's Desire. I read on from where I left off about a month ago.
Remember, I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.5. The action seems to start in the middle of a scene, which could be quite puzzling for a reader who might have put the book down for a spell. Maybe set the scene briefly, and remind the reader of the circumstances of the hard slap?
Hot on her heels is a cliche, best avoided!
You have two 'look's in the third paragraph, and two 'short's later on.
I like that detailed picture of Ariana wiping away Jamie's tear with her thumb, and you describe their feelings with poignancy.

Repetitive words to avoid: little (more), somewhat, quick, occasionally, practically, perhaps, barely, only, clearly.
You'll find their absence actually strengthens the message.

You bring the sounds of the street well into the reaader's mind, with the horses' hooves and the walking sticks.
You dont really need that final phrase in the sentence, 'Wringing her hands, she workedd to calm her nerves.' The reader has already been told the door was slammed against her.

I can easily picture the lawyer taking a legal posture - well described indeed.
And you give an attractive, spirited glimpse of Ariana's character as you unfold the scene with her uncle. The switches of POV to highlight the characters of each are seamless and well crafted here.
This is a well-contrived episode, and I've forgotten about finding nits.

Ch.6. Poor Ariana! What a turn in her circumstances.
I'm a bit muddled with these new names, and take time working out who is who. This isnt helped by the switches in POV. But I confess it is over a month since I read your book...

I love that detail of his hand moving slowly over one piece after another before settling on two morsels. (You dont need that word 'finally').
And Ariana is learning wisdom very fast.
You might wish to rephrase that sentence 'If it had not played havoc with rational thinking, he might have not have jumped so fast.'

You have a good story here, but you need to weave the threads more clearly. I think once the straying Points of View are addressed, it would become less confusing for the reader.
In this chapter, I found myself strongly drawn into the plot, only to be distracted by editorial nits (we all have them), and the uncertainty of who was thinking and saying what.

I hope this helps.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

My thoughts as I was reading.
First chapter. Already liking your heroine, she’s gutsy and liking the difficulties put in her way and the prejudice against her running the plantation. Liking her battle with the awful Duncan. I feel her anger at his presumption and like her gutsy refusal to marry him. Also liking that she knees him in the groin – a very sensible response.
Ooh read three chapters and I really, really like this. I’m rooting for Ariana all the way.
I know nothing of this period in American history but it feels authentic to me. Nothing grates. Yes Ariana is gutsy but she’s not completely at odds with the period, she just has to be that way to survive.
This is the sort of book I want to indulge in, to disappear into Ariana’s world and follow her story. Good stuff. Good stuff indeed. Going on my shelf immediately.

i really, really like your title and i love your pitch. i think its a great hook, especially the part about ariana and how shes never known love except from her own parents. i like the scene where the forced kiss happens- its exciting and has emotional appeal to the reader as we feel bad for her. but we alos learn about how stubborn and feisty she can be. i dont really have anything to critisize other than historical fiction not being my usual genre.
melissa :)
Gut Instincts

Hi Chrysta

I wondered if you were still writing 'Hearts Desire'? I stumbled across it today and was immediately drawn into Ariana's world. Was disappointed I couldn't read further than chapter 6, would love to be able to read more.

The comparison of Hearts Desire to Gone with the wind is an easy one to make, probably because it is one of the epic southern belle tales, with one of the most unforgettable and stunning main female characters. Your own characters are quite spellbinding and draw the reader in, emotionally investing you in the characters' crusades to battle against the odds. I like Arianna, but one small critique I have is that I think she needs a bit more spunk and self belief. However, taking account of her age, maybe that is something that the character will develop as the story progresses.

As the POV does change, in some cases there needs to be more clarity in who it is we are hearing from.

Some punctuation missing from dialogue, so reader does not necessarily know someone is speaking.

I think that your manuscript could really benefit from a bit of fine tuning. Some of the dialogue can be a bit jarring and in places the flow is interupted by the use of unnecessary and in some places wrong words that a normal spell check will not pick up on. It distracts from what is otherwise a fantastic read, few minor tweaks will take your manuscript up another level.

Let me know if you want a detailed note of where the errors are, I know not everyone wants detailed feedback.

Cant wait to read more!!
Sara :)

I had the same feeling reading this as I did I first read "The Governess" on this site. I knew that it would be going up the rankings in a short amount of time. If you haven't checked out her work(she may be on your bookshelf, I didn't take a look), I recommend taking a peek. My only suggestions would be to try and tighten up some of the lines in the first chapter. I found some of it to be redundant and unnecessarily long. It slowed the read for me. Lines such as, "Nothing, absolutely nothing had changed....(through to the end of this paragraph)" had a lot of excess words. Keep in mind that I am a children's writer though and look for clear, concise language when writing. I know that this can get in the way when I am reading works for adult readers. So take my opinion with a grain of salt. Good luck with this!

Best,

Ashley

Okay. At first sight I was a little scared of reading it. It was kind of long and out of my genre. Way out of where I feel at home. But as I read I started enjoying it. Not at first though, I have to be honest, but it slowly hooked me and I had became so interested in Frayne and even Gaylord and Ariana that I had realized that I had finished. With that said, I still think you should split the chapter in two.Hopefully I can back you soon. For now 6 stars. I tend to always give people six but I think you actually deserve it. well, maybe 5 because .. .. of it's length. :)

"you had been be ready" small error

Hearts Desire. Sorry I've taken so long to return to your book. I'll take up where I left off, three months ago...

Ch.3. I wonder who the 'he' refers to, as Ariana gazes wistfully out of the study window. Oh - it must have been her father. Perhaps you could say that at first mention in a new chapter.
Love that metaphor of the rainbow of gowns bursting the walls of her armoire.
Beware word repetitions, like any, trip.. And you'll find that words like almost are better left out. It makes your message stronger.
That dialogue about suffering before dying would be easier to trak if you said who was saying what.
But I'm carried away by your gentle story, so havent bothered to take notes of all the nits. Yours is worth spending more time with editing. Your style flows easily, but my attention is often distracted by the small errors.
When you change scenes back to Charleston, it would help the reader if you left a quadruple space.

Ch.4. Jamie is an intriguing mystery, and Ariana a very nice lady, if somewhat naive. You are developing their characters well, and your story moves at a leisurely pace, suitable for the times.
That Gone with the Wind film keeps coming to my mind.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

Ooo! Starting the story off with a tense conflict! Good call; this will draw the reader right in. I love how you get inside Will and Ariana's heads. I also love how you have described Duncan so far. Also, bonus points for making Ariana a strong female character and not some wishy-washy girl. If this goes on audiobooks, I hope the person reading it does the whole thing in a Southern accent. I can just hear a Southern accent coming out of the narrator's mouth. You did a good job here.

All I can say is, 'What an introduction!' I was hooked from the start and could picture Ariana's dad running the cotton plantation efficiently with her by his side learning the ropes, only for him to die suddenly, leaving her with the responsibility of not only carrying on in his footsteps, but dealing with grown up men. And she's only 16!

Chrysta Mane – Heart’s Desire: Chapter 5 -- I’m so glad to have read another uploaded chapter, Chrysta! You really are a naturally gifted writer! I’m freaking out that you don’t have the entire book uploaded. I hate getting into a book and not finishing! Just met Jason and want to read more about them together, the twists and turns of meeting again. The fact that the uncle’s daughter is engaged to Jason, etc., etc. Just great stuff! Thanks for the great read. I’m hoping to sneak the whole thing from you though! I need my fix finished!
Ellise
~The Governess~

Hi Chrysta,

You have a great beginning, and, while I don't generally read historical fiction, this one grabbed me. The unusual relationship between mistress and slave, and the unusual plantation itself, incites interest. Good job and starrred.
Best,
Andi
Animal Cracker

Some people frown upon starting a story with dialogue. I personally quite like it. Throws me straight into the action. Good opening line and enough to keep me reading.

Oh this really is lovely. Almost feels like watching a period romance on the big screen. My mind is thinking of ‘Gone with the wind’ only your characters are less antagonistic.

Your description is excellent. I can almost smell the sweat in the cotton fields.

The sentence ‘Please Miss please reconsider the offer was more than reasonable.’ Read a little strange to me. I think some of the commas may be a little off. I had to read it three time before I got the meaning (could be just me, I am tired today).

You build tension very well and I am curious about the contents of the letter that seem to have Will so distraught. Hooks me in and I want to continue reading.

You build this story impressively well. You have some many little hints of the drama to come in the following chapters that if I has more time I would certainly read on.

Honestly can’t understand why this isn’t do much better. Really wonderful writing. I thoroughly enjoyed this.

Janny

Hearts Desire. A Historical Fiction Group Review.
The cover promises a light romance,but the long pitch is a little confusing, with all those questions marks, and it doesnt reveal the book's period.

Ch.1. I take notes as I go, but dont pretend to be an expert.
I'm wondering about the use of the word flex in the third paragraph. Will could be flexible in his enforcement of the law - perhaps that's what you mean?
You have the word very appear three times in one short paragraph, and perhaps you need to find another word instead of 'rustled rustling tree tops.'
Beware of split infinitives: the desk 'hardly seemed to shrink' might be a better way of saying it.
It is a little disconcerting having those frequent changes of ViewPoint. They spoil the flow of the story, which though unoriginal, is delicately revealed, and the characters of Will and Ariana are clearly drawn.
You build suspense well, and I turn to the next chapter, wondering how the poor girl is to solve her dilemma, even though, for me, you labour the point rather, by repeating her feelings in different words.

Ch.2. Perhaps you should just say that seeds didnt germinate...
You described the parched cotton fields and the fire in vivid words, but do you mean acrid smoke stings her eyes?
I like Ariana. She is a spirited lass, with a fine sense of principle and an endearing sense of humour.
I love the description of the thoughts racing around in her head moving in different directions at the same time. I have felt like that many times.
Surely you mean Ariana mistrusted Frayne's words.

My mind turns to 'Gone with the Wind' as I read your story. You have an appealingly simple style of writing, and I can see this developing into a pleasant light read. You would have to edit out the grammatical nits, and perhaps fine-tune the story by deleting unnecessary repetitions before it is ready for a publisher's eye.
I enjoyed the read. Thankyou and good luck.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

RWCG critique:

Title: Is it original? Probably not, but it fits well enough. Doesn’t matter because once it’s picked up by a publisher, they’ll change it to suit them.

Plot: I didn’t see any major plot holes, and the premise is intriguing. Your pitch hooked me, and the posted chapters do not disappoint.

Pacing: Good mix of action, descriptions, and dialogue. The story moves along at a good pace, and kept my interest throughout.

Characters: I love Ariana. Your portrayal of her is consistent with a sixteen-year-old girl during that time period: frightened over the loss of her parents, anxious about the unexplained incidents at the plantation, and overwhelmed by the crushing burden of responsibility. But, she’s a spit-fire, too: independent, determined, everything I look for in a heroine. Jamie is sympathetic, engaging character in his own right, but he’s also a good compliment to Ariana’s personality. Your introduction to Jamie gives the reader insight into Ariana’s softer side. I’m hoping he’ll stick around throughout the story. And, when you brought Jason into the mix, I thought “Yes!” Handsome, strong, all man…and a Yankee. Oh my! As for your secondary characters—who wouldn’t like Martha? Will makes me nervous, and although I don’t think he’s evil, I think he’s being controlled by someone who is. Which leads me to our nemesis, Duncan Frayne. He is the epitome of darkness. I’m just hoping Ariana brings Jason home so he can kick Duncan’s…well, you know.

POV: Frequent switches, but solid. Not once did I find myself confused or lost, so the POV hopping clearly works.

Sentence structure: Nothing to complain about here.

Dialogue: Clearly one of your great strengths. Realistic, flawlessly executed, and well-placed. There’s just enough to provide insight into your characters and to move the story forward.

Originality: It’s romance. And, it’s historical fiction. It’s been done. But, you put a good spin on it and make it your own, and for that I applaud you.

My take on it: I loved this story, and read your posted chapters in one sitting. I’d love to read more. You’re a very talented writer, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a publisher snatches this book off the site. Good luck.

Chrysta,
"Heart's Desire" is a truly engaging book written in a conversational style exuding charm and rural quaintness. What I found particularly engaging was the way you had me going into your character's head while he thought in the same way he would have spoken out loud, thus imparting to me, without telling me, the essence of his persona. Your heroine Ariana is a sympathetic character I'm cheering on through her many dilemmas.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Dear Chrysta,

Your pitch is so captivating. I wonder if readers who enjoy romance can resist the urge and curiosity peep inside. Sooner of later, I will have to. Bravo.

Here's my critiqe, so far as you've uploaded...
Chrysta Mane – Heart’s Desire: Your story is truly a delight to read. Once I started, I could not stop. It’s just the story I look for to read, perfect for what I like to curl up with. I would definitely buy Heart’s Desire in a book store. My only disappointment is that it is incomplete. I would love to finish it. Ariana, Jamie, and Martha are easy to love. Duncan Frayne easy to hate. Good luck with your story and its success! You deserve it! ;) Ellise ~ The Governess ~

Romance Crit:

Title: It's probably been used in variation before-- maybe try something like 'A Woman in Need'? It can be hard to come up with something completely fresh when you're writing romance like this.
Plot: I like it-- the motivation is there, the wheels are turning to set the stage.
Pacing: The pacing is actually really good. It reads just like something I'd pick up off the shelf, which gives points to you because normally I can always find something to nitpick about in this area.
Characters: I like Ariana, and her streak of pride and stubborness is believable, though perhaps her downfall. Why doesn't she question William about his behavior, pay more attention to her lands, keep a tighter rein on things and a sharper eye when all these 'accidents' start to happen? Unfortunately the fact that someone is sabotaging her plantation and yet she hasn't decided to take measures to catch the bastard makes her seem naive and stupid in that regard. But otherwise I can see how it would come about, especially if she doesn't have anyone reliable and trustworthy to help her out-- plus, she IS just sixteen. Not to mention you needed all this to happen to drive her north seeking her uncle.

POV: No problems there.
Sentence structure: Surprisingly, it's pretty good. Nothing really stood out.
Dialogue: Didn't find anything wrong here.
Originality: Well, can't honestly say variations on this haven't been done before, but you've made this your own story, which is good, and I think it will appeal to your market when you get it on the shelves.

I'm sorry I didn't have more to say. Honestly, this book is the closest I have read on the site to being ready for publication-- at least from what I've seen. The errors and glitches are the fewest I've seen, and your story is something I would pick up if I were looking for a regular-old historical romance while browsing the shelves (I do read them-- just not as much as paranormals!). Good luck, and thanks for joining the group!

You had me with "Ya can't be serious, Miss?"

The tale you weave is inthralling, mysterious and smooth.

I enjoyed reaching each chapter and wanted more.

I'm not a long critiquer, especially when I can't find much wrong.

Oh, yeah, I'm here from the Romance Crit Group.

Great job.

Lisa / Cheyenne - A Timeless Series Novel, Book One

Hey Chrysta, thanks for sharing Heart's Desire.

Your pitch looks good. You got the conflict and main story arc in there in an appealing way. From what I saw of your plot, it looks clear and believable, and like you stayed on track. You do a nice job setting the scene, informing the reader of the time and place and inserting description gradually. Your characters interact naturally with their environment. Your characterization is strong – you know your people and they emerge on the page.

Your story is a little heavy on narrative, which tends to put off contemporary readers and slow the pacing. Try to reserve narrative for setting time and place at the beginning of chapters and sections and to transition time forward. Keep it brief and then roll right into action. Avoid interrupting interactions between characters and action moments with long explanations.

Consider getting rid of the spelled out dialect – ya, git, ta. It’s distracting for the reader, and turns the character into a caricature. Use word placement and choice to imply the speech style instead.

I see that you’re using several different points of view. Just in the first chapter, we experience the story through the foreman (who remains unnamed through the passage) and Ariana. There have been many successful books over the years that have done this, but it’s currently frowned on. Try to determine who in the story has the absolute most to lose in the story without getting killed or incapacitated, and stick with that viewpoint as much as possible. Keep the number of other viewpoints to a minimum, and each scene should “belong” to a single character – the reader will experience everything through that character.

You’ve got the makings of a good romance here; with a couple of little fixes I think it will be ready for the bookstores. Best of luck with it!

Chrysta,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the lyricism you inject in the narrative. The poetic care you use to describe your characters, the pauses you take to paint them, the historical lingo that comes out of their mouths, all adding that indispensable ingredient that all historical fiction should have...

.....that is.... atmosphere

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

My biggest concern is that at the start you didn't spend enough time setting up place. When we think about southern plantations, we think of blooming white cotton fields stretching through the horizon, blue skies etc.

This matters because, as I said before, all the other pieces of atmosphere are there..

....the missing link is the initial setting up of place.

"barely hours" "safely settled" "quickly evaporating" "heavy eyelids" "lightly brushing"
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

Hi Chrysta
This is just the sort of book I love to read and I have WL'd to read some more. I've just had time to look at the 1st chapter and have two comments, for what they're worth. There is a lot of backstory here - maybe too much for a 1st chapter, could you perhaps reveal some of it later as the the characters develop? And your point of view changes from Will to Ariana - would you consider writing this chapter just from her pov, I think it might read a bit more smoothly then. But like I say, I like the promise of what is to come, and will read on. Best wishes, Vall (Midwyf)

Hello Chrysta, Have read some of your story. It has a lovely period south-American feel about it, and although it does need some editing here and there, the story carries it through. I will read some more, but in the meantime I am placing it on my watchlist so that I can dip back into it. The best of good luck with this.
If you could take a peek at either of my two stories, I would be very grateful.
Best wishes,

Phyllis
PAPER DREAMS & A PASSING STORM

Hi, I have returned the favour and backed your book it is on my shelf, thanks very much :) Sarah

Chrysta,
I approached this with hesitance, expecting it to read like of a romance novel. I'm so glad I took the time to actually investigate it. Well, I read the first three chapters, so far. Heart's Desire offers a sweep and richness similar to Gone With the Wind, only, your writing, in my opinion, is better. I was immediately and pleasantly immersed into the story. Loved the opening interchange that Ariana had with Will (great character). The tension surrounding Duncan. And the coziness arising from her encounter with Jamie. I enjoyed being in your story, which is very much to your credit. Brava. 6 stars from me!
Will come back to read more when I can. Best.
And Cheers!
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

So many of these period romances have a strong underlying theme of women's rights, as this does. It is good. You writing is fluent, though there is still editing needed. I do have a suggestion, and that is to try and organise it better. To me, the narrative seemed to jump around a little too much, which can be confusing. First Ariana has lost her father, then you speak of the parents being alive again, and then you jump to other characters. My preference is for a more straightforward narrative. There is no right or wrong, just what works best for readers, and for the writer.
In summary, I see no reason why this book cannot become a published period romance. Well done, and to be backed. Marj.

How totally wonderful you are, Chrysta!! :) Thank you so very much for again backing my memoirs/testimony book :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have gold ******-rated your book :) - hope you've ****** 'd mine, too. Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because, I'm #1 on the editor's desk & I don't want to lose traction to remain in the top 5 to be chosen February 28. :) Please read my profile page: I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after almost 1 year of trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

Great start, interesting characters, heartbreak and tragedy and a conflict situation which is already clear in the first lines.

It's true that you should never judge a book by its cover, but you can judge it by its first page, and the first page of this book has passed the test. Certainly backed!

Michael Clifford

Sometime in Andalusia

www.ten-minute-stories.com

I know I've read this before but I just love it. It's exactly the kind of historical romance I love. I'm a huge fan of this era and setting. Your characters just leap off the page and this is something I would have picked up at the store. I'm glad to have this on my shelf for a couple days!

Missy

HEART'S DESIRE

Dear Chrysta,
Loved reading the first chapter. The story is unfolding at a fine pace.
I did have some trouble reading the old lady's dialogue, is there someway you can point to the way she talks rather than have to read that awkward language?
I have starred the book and put it on my WL. Will comment more once it gets to my bookshelf.
A zoomer

Dear Chrysta, I wouldn't bother with your new job. This is a generous offering of sumptuous serenading, that sells the reader a past of romance and paramours, which flows so well. I love historic romance, and yours read as well as any Cookson, [ we all have careful rearrangements to make ], but I can only see the undertones of a real writer, surging to sustain this wonderful story. There is a such a nice blend of, an almost Baroque beauty about your writing. But with a touch of gentleness that makes the reader comfortable when reading. I rate this very highly. So good luck and best wishes with your book. Take care, Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

Interesting story that needs some editing, but has a solid foundation and the potential to go further.

Backed,

Lisa

Chrysta,
I enjoyed your luscious prose in this enthralling historical romance, Heart's Desire. While I'm somewhat biased toward the genre, I found your writing exceptional. Backed with enthusiasm.

Dear Chyrsta Mane,

Hi, this is Billy. Today is a very good day. I have been guided. You do a good job with what you do and I will back your book. I think much of the idea of letting others keep me on my feet with the affection that they put into the help they give. The world is a beautiful place and deserves recognition. I am happy to have been able to enjoy what you have shared with us.

Happily,

Billy McBride

There is some good writing and a good story here. It does jump around a bit. It would be better if it was simpler. I had difficulty following who every body is. One nitpick-it's 'pursue' not 'peruse'.

Well written...surprised this isn't in top 100.
Chrysta is a talented author and i wish her the very best of luck in historical fiction publishing.

Alison Butler